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Castiel wasn’t always the best at making decisions especially when his friends' lives were on the line. He always had the idea that he had good intentions, and he was doing it for the greater good, but it would always come back, and stab him in the back. Everyone always had speculations of the decisions he would attempt at making, but Cas always had the same response, “I’m trying to do what's right.”
Dean, being a huge influence towards the people's lives around him. He is a good brother, and especially a fantastic friend. Although Dean can be blunt at times, and quick to judge, he will always stick by his friends side. Even though Dean has lost the majority of the people in his life, he always comes back to something Bobby always reminded him of, “Family don’t end in blood.” To this day Dean still lives by that motto from a man that was more of a father towards him than his actual father.
Cas has always been a very loyal man. He’s very loyal to Heaven and his father. He’s always thought that human life has always been very precious, and should be protected at all costs. He’s only been close to a few humans in his time. Dean and Sam Winchester. Despite Dean and Sam being flawed and having a difficult time accepting Castiel in their lives, he has always done his best to be there for them and help them out in dangerous situations they get themselves in. He tries and he tries. Out of the thousand of years of existence, Dean was the very first person he ever said ‘I love you’ to. That phrase still sticks with Dean to this very day.
Dean has had a rough time trusting Cas ever since he tried playing God, and devoured all the souls in Purgatory. Dean always knew he had his reasons for what he did, but he always believed he could have found a better and less reckless way for a solution. The events that took place that made all the Leviathans walk the Earth again happened a long time ago, but Dean still struggles with the fact that Cas would go behind his back and work with Crowley. To this day, Cas still struggles to make it up to Dean, but that thought will always linger in the back of Dean’s mind. Never to be forgotten.
Cas woke up in a cold sweat. Normally the angel does require sleep, but the day before, he got in a serious fight with a couple of other angels. Just another consequence for what he had done. Wiping the sweat from his face, he got out of his comfy bed, wincing slightly from the wound that was close to his core. Walking slowly to the bathroom, he turns on the faucet and cleanses his face with cool water to calm himself down, and to cool him off. After a couple minutes of repeating this process, he grabs a hand towel hanging from a metal bar and wipes off the beads of water from his scar ridden face. Ever since Cas got into the skirmish with the other angels, his healing ability has become weaker than he had hoped for. Walking out of the bathroom, he goes back to his bed. He slowly lets himself be embraced with the soft comforters. As Castiel is about to drift off into a deep slumber, his phone starts to go off. He suddenly jolts up from his position due to the sudden loud noise. Without looking at the collar I.D. Cas answers the mysterious person's call, “Hello?” Cas asks, with his groggy morning voice.
“Cas is that you? . . you sound awful.”
“Dean? Why have you called me?” Cas asked realising the person who called him was Dean Winchester
“I called to see how you were doing. Sam and I haven’t heard from you for a couple of weeks.”
It was true. Cas hasn’t kept up to date with the Winchesters for a while. He didn’t want to bother them with his problems, he thought they had enough to deal with as it is.
“I’m fine Dean. . . just a wound. Nothing I can’t handle.”
“No offence Cas. . . But you sound awful. Are you sure you’re alright?” At this point Castiel was conflicted. Should he really tell Dean how he is? ‘I mean yea Dean will be able to assist me, but he seems to have a full plate at the moment. Maybe I’ll meet up with him in a little bit.’
“you know Dean? Can I stop by the bunker later and tell you in person, instead of telling you over the phone?”
“Of course Cas. But you know you don’t sound too good, are you sure you don’t want me to come and pick you up?”
“I'm a positive Dean. . . It's nothing I can’t handle.”
“Okay but if anything else happens, you call me.”
“Alright. Goodbye Dean.” Cas hung up his phone, and slipped it into his worn trench coat pocket. Castiel started to feel a slight bit of regret lying to Dean like that. He should have just told Dean he was wounded. . . Wounded to the point that he couldn’t heal it. Cas was still confused why he couldn’t heal a minor wound.‘Maybe I’m just tired,’ he tried to convince himself. Cas gathered all his belongings, and headed out to his car. Sometimes. . . No, all the time Cas wishes he had his ability to fly, even though he believed driving was peaceful and quite relaxing, flying could be really convenient at times. With a long sigh, Cas opened the door to his pile of junk, that was his car, and slowly entered it. Wincing a couple of times, he turned the key and left the motel, off to the bunker to explain to Dean what had happened.
Dean sat in the bunker waiting. It had been a couple hours since Castiel had called him, and he was starting to worry about the Angel. ‘Why did he sound like. . . he just woke up? Angels don’t need sleep, so why had it sounded like he was sleeping?’ Suddenly the bunker door opened, startling Dean out of his thoughts. He saw the pale man walking down the stairs clutching his stomach and slowly making his way down the stairs. Dean was staring wide eyed at the raven haired man. “Cas?! What the hell happened to you?” Dean quickly got to Cas and helped him so he wouldn’t fall over.
“I-I'm sorry for not telling you Dean. . . I didn’t want to seem like a bother.” The blue eyes shifted to look at Dean’s green ones.
“Cas that’s no excuse, I would have dropped whatever I was doing to come and get you! You were in no shape to drive. You could have had an accident.” Dean gave Cas a worried look, Castiel returned him one. With his knees starting to give out, Dean picked Cas up bridal style and moved him into his room. “Stay here, I’m going to grab something for your wound.” Without hesitation, Dean quickly moved to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit. ‘ What did Cas get himself into?’
Waiting patiently for Dean, Cas was left with just his thoughts. ‘Why do I have to be so careless? I could have avoided this whole thing if I hadn't been so negligent with handling Metatron. The angels wouldn’t have attacked me if I didn’t disobey.’ Without being able to continue with his thoughts Dean walked in, with what had appeared to be a first aid kit. Without saying a word, Dean grabbed a chair, and moved it to the right side of “Cas’” bed. He pulled out some bandages, some thread, and some peroxide to disinfect the wound.
Finally after a while of silence, Dean decided to break it, “I’m gonna ask you something. . . and I swear if you lie to me, I will kick your ass out of this bunker. Do you understand me?” Dean glared at Cas when he said this. “Yes Dean, I understand.”
“Who did this to you and why? Also why aren’t you healing this wound yourself?” Cas sighed, he knew Dean was going to ask him what happened. Of course, since he didn’t want to be kicked out, he was going to tell him the entire truth.
“Alright. . . I’ll tell you, but please don’t get angry at me. . . I let Metatron out of heaven so he could help me retrieve my grace.” Cas closed his eyes waiting for Dean to yell, but it never came. “You didn’t answer all my questions.”
With a sigh, Cas continued, “Well I wasn’t supposed to let Metatron out of prison, so when the angels found out. . . They attacked me. As for my healing, I have no idea why it isn’t working. I’ve been. . . sleeping lately, and as you know angels don’t require sleep. I'm guessing since Metatron used some of my grace to close heaven, my powers aren’t restored all the way.” After giving Dean his explanation, Cas looked up at Dean with sorrowful eyes. “I’ so sor-” Cas was cut off by Dean standing up out of his seat. “Damn it Cas,” Dean silently said to himself. Cas was about to say something, when Dean put a hand on his shoulder. “Cas. . . I’m not mad. I just wish you would have come to me sooner with this. Especially since you don’t seem to be at full power still.”
Castiel was taken back a little at this. He for sure thought that Dean would have been furious for how irresponsible he has been recently. First he betrayed Heaven and worked with Metatron, and second, those same angels he betrayed attacked him.
Cas decides to look over at Dean with longing eyes. He hasn’t seen him in what felt like forever, and he really wishes it was under better circumstances, but alas. It wasn’t.
“Dean?” He pauses before he continues, making sure he uses the right words so he doesn’t accidentally set Dean off.
The Winchester looks over at the broken angel waiting for him to continue.
“Dean, I’m sorry,” he looks down at his worn hands, “I know I have overused this word to the point that it probably means nothing now, but I don’t know what else to say.”
Cas keeps his eyes downcast, his head is moving with thoughts that are going too fast to catch.
“I really thought this time I could make everything right again. . .But we all know that never seems to be the case.” Cas looks at Dean with mournful blue eyes.
“No matter how many times I think I can fix something I always make it worse, and in turn you and Sam have to fix it.” His eyes become foggy with a small layer of tears.
“I can’t ever fix what I’ve done and for that. . .” He pauses. Trying to stop the tears from spilling over his eyelids. He takes a shaky breath, as he looks at the man that he loves the most.
“And for that, I feel like it's my time to say. . . Goodbye.”
This catches Deans attention. He looks at Cas with confused eyes and shakes his head.
“Cas, w-what they hell are you talking about?” Dean puts his hand on Cas’ shoulder, and uses the other to rest under Cas’ chin so he looks up at him. Dean can see the edge of the tears on his eyes that threaten to spill. Cas speaks, his voice breaking a bit.
“I just feel like it’s time for me to leave you, and Sam. You obviously don’t need me. . . I don’t do much besides mess everything up.”
Dean is left to think for a moment. Complete shock rolls over him. He wasn't expecting something like this to come out of Cas’ mouth. Dean stares at him bewildered. The man who told him he loved him, now saying he needs to leave him. Dean moves the hand that was holding Cas’ chin up to his scared cheek. At this Cas looks directly into Dean’s eyes.
“Cas. . . You don't need to go anywhere. All these things that happened should not rest on your shoulders.” Dean moved his thumb over one of Cas’ scares, tracing it softly.
“I wasn’t always there when you needed it, which caused all of these things to happen.” Dean’s eyes soon became misty, which caused them to shimmer as they stared into Cas’s melancholic eyes.
“If I just helped you. . . If I just cared more about you. . . These problems could have been avoided.”
“I just wish I could have helped you more Cas.” Dean embraces Cas into a hug, which causes Cas to gasp at the sudden movement.
“Please Cas. Please don’t leave me. We need you. . .I need you.” Those are the words that break the dam. Tears pour out of the sapphire eyes.
“I wish I would have told you sooner.” Dean’s eyes are now just as watery as Cas’
“I wish. . I wish I would have told you how much I loved you sooner.” Cas stops moving out of awe. Never in his life would he think Dean Winchester would ever say those words towards the angel. Cas moves out of the embrace, keeping his hand on Dean’s shoulders so he could make eye contact with the hunter. Dean’s face was littered with a few stray tears, that Cas decided he would wipe away.
“Dean?” Dean looks into the angel eyes.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“. . .I love you too.”