Chapter Text
Martellus stared at the half-frozen Smoke Knight in front of him. “What do you mean he suddenly went to Vienna for Christmas shopping?!”
“That’s what I found out, your Highness!” the Smoke Knight cowered.
Martellus snarled, and dismissed his assassin. It couldn’t be helped.
~
Dear Cousin Tarvek,
Thank you for the lovely snowglobe. It has been added to my collection. I will admit that your choice of gift for Martellus made me laugh at first, then I realised you were being actually helpful after Martellus’ failures in Munich. When I pointed out that you were in fact, being helpful, he became suspicious of the contents of the book and actually read it instead of dropping it into the fireplace. I suppose that when it comes to my brother, the less subtlety the better.
Still. “How to Talk to Women Without Getting Slapped”? Well, we’ll see how it goes.
Sincerely yours,
Seffie
My Darling Cousin Seffie,
Who could resist the Weinachtsmarts of Vienna? They always make such a wonderful production of it. I sent Grandma a lovely carved quartz crystal stag I found at an artisan’s stall, just in case you wanted to coordinate gifts. I also sent Grandfather some pfeffernüsse. I shall enjoy the ambiance a bit longer and perhaps catch a play or two. I’ve been invited by a Fräulein Irinia Adler. I’ve yet to decide if I will accept the invitation.
Please do check that I did in fact send the right book to Martellus. It was right next to a book titled “How to Insult An Unwanted Paramour So They Never Approach You Again.” I’m suddenly concerned some prankster decided to swap titles.
Warm Regards,
Tarvek
Dear Cousin Tarvek,
I’m afraid that the book did not help Martellus at all. We were at a little Christmas get-together the last night and… Well. You know the Lady Fitzbaum, right? Martellus tried to sincerely compliment her on the dress and ended up insinuating that it would have looked better if it had stayed on the mannequin. I don’t think those wine stains will ever come out of his waistcoat.
And a date! I hope you accepted the invitation, Cousin. You don’t get out enough. Was she lovely?
Eagerly awaiting an update!
Your Cousin,
Seffie
My Dear Seffie,
...You did check that the book was the correct one and the contents were in fact, supposed to be helpfully instructional, right? We do want him to eventually find a woman who won’t take a knife along with her to the marriage bed.
As for my invitation, I’ve decided that it was better to see a play with company, even that of a fair stranger. I ran into the Fräulein again as I walked the markets to try and find a present for Anevka and she joined me for lunch. No luck on the present I am afraid; I shall have to walk the shops again on the morrow. Fräulein Adler insisted on paying for the tickets, so I shall have to take her to dinner afterward in return. At the very least, she is a stimulating conversationalist, and witty. I do not often find someone who I can fence with. The play we will be watching is called The Mystery of the Moon Jewel, and I have read good reviews about it.
Must dash for now,
Tarvek
Dear Cousin,
I regret to inform you that the book is, indeed, the one you intended to send to Martellus. I am afraid that such aids are useless in the face of my brother’s brutally blunt personality. At least it seems like you are doing better in those stakes! This Fräulein must be a fascinating one, if you describe her thus. I wonder who she is. I have never heard of her.
Yours,
Seffie
Dearest Seffie,
I had honestly sent the book with the hope that it would keep Tweedle more usefully occupied. It would have been nice to be able to enjoy a Christmas without having to keep watch for his assassins for a week or two! I’m going to bet he thinks I have gone out of my way to sabotage him now, even though that was the opposite of my intent. Ah well. It seems that we will have to rely on his winning personality to attract a wife. God help him.
I was able to find a clockwork fair model that Anevka might find interesting; at the very least it’ll keep her hopefully occupied long enough to dismantle it. I suppose I shall be lazy and buy Father some Viennese white wine and I will definitely bring back some of that chocolate cake that is the house specialty of the hotel I am staying in.
The Mystery of the Moon Jewel is apparently based on a popular novel series. Not my usual fare, but it was indeed entertaining, because I thought it was going to be a clockwork fantasy, not a detective mystery. I shall have to see if the books are available.
I went to one of the winter balls this evening and invited Fräulein Adler to join me as a thankyou for the unexpected entertainment. I learned that she is an up-and-coming opera singer. I suppose that that makes her even with me as I never quite disclosed that I am a Prince. Nevertheless, we had a laugh about it and had an otherwise pleasant evening dancing. I do always enjoy the dances, but for a change I am enjoying the repartee as well.
I do feel rather oddly watched, however. Nothing dangerous, just the feel of eyes on my back. At any rate, I shall be returning to dreary snow-strangled Sturmhalten soon.
Sincerely,
Tarvek
Dearest Cousin Tarvek,
I hope that the dances in Vienna were far more elegant than the ones I’ve been forced to endure. Martellus is being exceedingly Tweedle, and I’m having trouble keeping him out of disgrace. I’ve pointed out that clearly it doesn’t require your presence for him to make a fool of himself. I do believe he is too busy with the standard winter social activities to try to send someone after you, and Grandma will be displeased with him for making a mess in Vienna if he tries. In fact I think starting tomorrow he will flee to the Refuge of Storms and go winter hunting for a few days. I do believe he’s had enough of the taste of his own ankles and wishes to replace it with roast venison.
At your mention of your acquaintance being an opera singer, I looked her up; I’m not surprised that you haven’t heard of her, having been very busy over the last year, but yes, she’s quite popular. She’s been romantically linked to a few people, notables all in Vienna. I thought I should warn you. I know better than to worry; you’re quite skilled in staying out of trouble, after all… or getting someone else into mischief.
Warm regards,
Seffie
Dearest Cousin Seffie,
For once, your warning comes a little late. Seat yourself as this will be quite the tale.
Fräulein Adler invited me to see one more play before I leave Vienna. I agreed since, well, why not? I enjoyed her company and there seemed to be no obligations or expectations of me, even after her learning that I was royalty. A refreshing change. I had nothing planned for the evening.
I spent the day visiting the museums and looking at the new exhibits, and discussing with a few of the curators an analysis they had me do on one of their artifacts, and I have been invited to return in the spring to do a greater in-depth study of the other discoveries that were not part of the exhibit. I hope I will be able to go; the thing I was examining seems to have been a thousand-year-old navigational clockwork computer of some sort; but it definitely is old sparkwork. They were so pleased with what I was able to tell them they actually paid me for the consultation! I shall have to write to Princess Neena about this; she will laugh, then probably rush over to check out the exhibit. I will want to be well away from Vienna by then!
The play we watched was a closed room murder mystery this time, titled The Spy With the Clockwork Pistol, and I have to say, whoever they are using for effects consultations and staging is quite good. You should try to make time and make your way to Vienna for a few of these plays, as I do believe you’ll enjoy them as well.
When we were about to take a hackney carriage to the restaurant I had planned to have dinner at, a rather distraught man rushed to us and pleaded that I not take ‘her’ away from him forever in the most embarrassing penny-sparkly manner I’d ever seen. Clearly I’d been used as a catspaw to make this fellow jealous. To forestall any further histrionics I brought the man up short and invited him along to dinner with us, which I think was not what he expected.
It turns out that Fräulein Adler has been discreetly involved with noted librettist Ranier Wolfram, and he’d promised her that he would take her out to watch the new plays of the season. However, he’d forgotten while penning up new operas for the next season. So, taking a page out of a comedy, I suppose, Fräulein Adler decided that she would ask the next reasonably handsome and interesting man she found at the Weinachtsmart to accompany her: yours truly.
For his part, Herr Wolfram started to panic when I, in my total ignorance of their circumstances, invited her to join me in perfectly innocent and friendly meals at restaurants, and that winter ball, to which he also discreetly followed us. His alarm apparently reached a crescendo when he found out I was a Prince.
Fortunately for him, I have no intention of deepening the acquaintance, and I made clear that I had only invited her along as she seemed quite the witty companion and we always parted ways outside the restaurant as befits such a casual acquaintance. Nevertheless, Herr Wolfram made a point of proposing to her at the restaurant, so all’s well that ends well.
As for me, I got to see a couple of interesting plays and a full-fledged drama reach its conclusion. I just hope a pastiche of myself doesn’t end up being written up as the villain in one of Herr Wolfram’s future works.
Hopefully he will not forget his promises to his beloved Lady in favor of work the next time.
At least the trip to Vienna was not boring, I suppose. At any rate, I depart tomorrow via Corbettite train and return to freezing Sturmhalten, and this letter will likely reach you by the time I’ve disembarked.
Wryly amused,
Tarvek
Dearest Cousin Tarvek,
I am richly entertained by your romantic misadventure. Only you could find yourself embroiled in such a thing while never intending more than being pleasant gentlemanly company for a few days. I must share the story with Grandma; she will sigh and be amused.
At any rate, my early Christmas present to you is to have my Smoke Knights get in the way of Martellus’ for a week. Enjoy!
Warm regards and laughter,
Your Cousin Seffie