Chapter Text
Zuigeling
Chapter 1
Max lay on the bed with his eyes shut. He wasn’t tired, merely extremely comfortable. Besides, he flicked one eye open to check the large clock on the wall across the room, judging by his calculations he’d be wanted again presently, and until he was Max was content to lay there. Feeling pleased that his bed was large and very comfortable. Funny he’d never been a laze in bed person at all. Previously he’d viewed his bed to have two purposes sleep and sex, otherwise just a piece of furniture to be ignored. Nowadays he spent the majority of his days and nights there, it was pretty much the centre of his orbit.
Just then proving his calculations right Max felt a light stirring beside him, Max immediately moved and gathered up the soft bundle, cuddling it to his chest as he sat up more against the pillows. Briefly he watched the small face turning toward his chest moving fussily as it meet the thin fabric of his shirt instead of what it sort. But Max didn’t let much time past, he parted the opening in his shirt and let the questing baby find his nipple. Moving the infant into a more comfortable position as it latched on and began to drink greedily.
Max eyed the small head covered with soft thick hair with wry indulgence. He knew he probably shouldn’t let him feed so easily. That he should wait until baby actually gave more of an indication he wanted to feed by fussing and crying etc, and then give in. All the baby books advised that sort of thing, But Max couldn’t see the point, he knew what his baby wanted and Max certainly wasn’t going to deny him. Not as if it was hard on him, not for Max the dreaded stories of nightmare nursing attempts, biting and cracked nipples. No, from the first attempt his baby had fed with ease. So Max let him whenever he wanted too. Even if his baby was really just being a greedy little guts. Max’s baby loved to eat, really it was the only thing he ever did besides sleep. Max guessed it was natural enough. No surprisingly though due to Max’s indulgence he was now cuddling a delightfully plump baby. A fat baby who looked exactly like him.
Max gazed down at his feeding son, the pang of disappointment sharply bitter in the beginning but only mild now was still there, although he’d accepted it now, that the baby had arrived an perfect miniature of himself and would be staying that way. Max had been hopeful at first thinking of stories of light baby hair falling out and growing back in darker and the blue eyes darkening but soon let that dream die as baby showed no sign of morphing into anything that resembled his other parent. Gently he bent and dropped a kiss on the pale skin in apology. Skin he’d been so sure would be light olive. Max couldn’t believe it, he’d been totally convinced that the baby would resemble Daniel, his darker colouring winning the genetic war easily. Not so. Making matters worse Max also soon realised that it wasn’t only looks that baby mirrored him. No it was like him exactly, in every way. Not for him the bright energetic but extremely fussy baby, Grace had warned about . Nope his baby has two actions sleep and eat. Really Max probably should be grateful, and mostly he was.
Still he felt sorry about it, mostly for the kid, imagine being eligible for amazing looks and personality only to inherit everything from the other boring average looking parent. Max sighed, he hoped the kid wouldn’t resent him for it. Max mulled over the thought darkly, secretly he still couldn’t believe he’d not produced a replica of Daniel and felt a strong sense of failure over.
Suddenly a clatter of noise came from the outer room signalling that Daniel had just come home. Max looked up expectantly just as Daniel appeared in the bedroom doorway. His face was smiling as always, broke somehow into into an even happier expression as he looked at them in bed.
“Hello there! What you two up to?” He said coming over and beaming at them.
“Eating again, sucking my life force away” said Max sighed nodding down at the baby in mock exhaustion and sharing a look of amusement with Daniel who laughed and sitting beside them extended a hand to pat the small back lovingly as he watched him drinking from Max with a complete fascination that never seemed to fade.
Max guessed it was creepy and strange. Although male pregnancy was fairly common, only a small percentage of carriers also had ability to breastfeed. And an even small number did so with any noticeable enlargement of mammary glands. Max was beyond thankful he was one, having a baby was one thing...developing breasts something else entirely. He’d dreaded it happening, even going so far as to hope he would not be able to nurse at all. That bottle would be the only option. But in the end his fears were unrealised. Max produced milk without any noticeable enlargement of his pectoral muscles. Only real sign was the swelling of his nipples during actually feeding. Max thought this was rather cool as it helped baby latch on. He’d called Daniel in excitedly when he’d discovered it.
Demonstrating how it happened automatically soon as baby nuzzled close. He’d been talking excitedly but his words died on his lips as he looked up at saw Daniel standing looking at him uncharacteristically still with his mouth parted slightly . His eyes suddenly very dark were fixed on the Max’s chest. Max suddenly reddened realising how freaky and gross it must look, his nipple flushed and enlarged with milk beading them. Like Daniel wanted to see something like that, he was probably disgusted. Hastily he brought baby up to feed blocking the view muttering about getting on with it then. Daniel hadn’t answered just stood there still staring at him for a few seconds then he’d swallowed and left the room. Max had heard him starting the shower shortly after, probably trying to wash away the images. Watching another man feeding a baby was all sorts of weird.
But following that Daniel had surprised him by frequently watching Max nurse without any sign of distaste, he actually seemed to highly approve of it saying how marvellous it was Max had ability. Still Max was careful not to show his nipples again during it, not wanting to repel Daniel.
Max looked at Daniel’s delighted face. It was obvious that Daniel didn’t share any of Max’s misgivings, completely the opposite in fact. Daniel seemed utterly thrilled about fact their baby so completely resembled Max. From the very first moment seeing baby the Australian had been full of enthusiasm over the situation.
“Oh My God look it’s mini Max. Ahhh he has your eyes! Look your nose as well, now that’s really great. He is so perfect” He gazed at the baby clearly besotted.
Max felt a quiet gratitude over the situation, that way at least. Not that he ever really thought Daniel would care about that sort of thing, he knew better, but still. Been presented with son that didn’t even resemble you in any way...well maybe some people would be suspicious.
Max recalled a dreadful occasion when Victoria over to inspect new baby had said loudly
“Gosh there is utterly nothing about Daniel in him is there? You sure he is yours?” She joked at Daniel. Max felt his veins turn to ice at such a horrible suggestion and he sat still in numb dread.
Of course Max knew baby was Daniel’s, he’d only been with him so was utterly no chance of it being anyone else’s but...did Daniel know that? Honestly probably not. They’d been casual never implying exclusivity even if for Max it had been. Oh god and the baby really didn’t look like Daniel. What if he thought...
How could Max prove anything? Well a parental test would do so easily but if it got to the point Daniel was doubtful enough to ask for one how awful that would be. Max felt his face burn with shame at the possibility. Then a loud sound broke the room as Daniel burst into genuine laughter, clearly taking Victoria’s suggestion as a joke.
“100%” he grinned winking at Max. Max smiled awkwardly back. Feeling stupid, why had he let something so dumb upset him so much.
Deep inside Max knew the answer. It was because secretly he felt he had tricked Daniel somehow. Not about having the baby, which was his and had been completely unplanned. But because he has been letting himself bask in all the Australian’s affection and attention his entire pregnancy and these last few weeks. During pregnancy was one thing but Max knew he didn’t really deserve it now. The entire focus of Daniel’s love should be for the baby, not shared with Max. And it was shared Daniel seemed to spend just as much time fussing over him as the baby. Max had no right to steal Daniel’s attention from the baby.
Max hadn’t really even expected much interaction from Daniel during his pregnancy, oh he knew Daniel would be fully supportive and want to be aware of and probably attend any appointments with him. But he hadn’t expected to see him other than maybe a daily check in message. He soon realised he’d misjudged the other. Daniel checked in daily alright, in person, arriving like clockwork at Max’s apartment for the first four days after finding out. At first Max suffering dreadful morning sickness symptoms wouldn’t let him in and tried to stand / lean near the door way to say goodbye again quickly. On the fourth day he felt awful he could barely open door and he let it swing open holding it weakly. Daniel looked at him with concern.
“Max are you alright? You don’t look good...oh God is it something with the baby!”
But Max had already fled back into the bathroom and was kneeling miserably over the toilet vomiting convulsively. When the bout had subsided he slumped exhausted back on the floor.
“Yes Daniel. It’s definitely something with the baby,” he said flatly, not turning to look at the other who’d followed him in. No answer but a wet cloth was handed to him, Max took it in gratefully surprise. He was perfectly able to look after himself, it was just so hard this minute, he felt so sick, being handed a cloth he didn’t have to get up and go get himself was suddenly so nice. He wiped his face and suddenly squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears forming. Stupid pregnancy hormones, he’d better get up and show Daniel out now. Shakily he started to his feet, feeling a suddenly terrifying panic as the room swam around him. He felt himself slipping backwards then he was grabbed and held steady. And Daniel was looking at him with huge worried eyes.
“Max! Fuck hell Maxie are you ok?”
Max tried to summon the words to say calmly yes of course he was fine, it was just morning sickness a perfectly regular thing to deal with. He just got up to fast. That’s what he intended to say, of course.
Instead he looked at Daniel miserably and quavered
“I dropped my cloth,” and burst into tears against his chest.
Daniel instantly scooped him up and held him close, pressing soft kisses to his hair as he swiftly carried him to the bedroom.
“Oh Max you poor thing. It’s bad isn’t it? Shh it’s ok now Maxie. Shhh. ” he soothed.
And it was Max soon found himself tucked up in bed as Daniel flitted around fetching him both a cold drink and fresh cloth and thoughtfully placed a bucket near the bed. Overwhelmed but very grateful Max worn out from being continuously sick, fell asleep feeling safe, aware that Daniel hovered nearby.
Doing so he missed witnessing Daniel’s happy facade, held in brittle place by sheer will power crack in pieces as the Australian seeing Max slump made a increasingly panicked and verging hysterical phone call to his mother.
Grace Riccardo was startled by the sound of her phone but having a globe trotting son a call at such a strange hour wasn’t unusual, seeing Daniel face on photo ID she answered feeling pleased.
“Mum! I don’t know what to do, oh God. It’s Max... the baby. I think it’s killing him. He’s been vomiting and vomiting. He nearly fell over. And he was crying. Max never cries. He looks so sick. He’s...oh Mum I think he’s dying right now!” Daniel howled down the line.