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Taehyun tries not to make too much noise while climbing up the stairs of the apartment complex. Now that he’s in warm indoors the snowflakes melt on his clothes and he can feel the unpleasant moistness all over his body.
A few more of his heavy and wet steps and he gets to the highest floor where the little studio that he’s been renting for over a year is. It’s small and crappy, the furniture is probably older than his dad, not to mention that it doesn’t even have an electric lock so he has to carry around a bunch of keys.
A tall and lean figure comes to his view. He’s leaning against the ladder that leads to the rooftop, like he’s half-sitting on it. His black North Face down jacket is unzipped and completely dry which means he had an umbrella or… he’s been waiting long enough for it to air out.
Taehyun is surprised to see Beomgyu here, after more than two weeks of not hearing from him-not a call, not even a stupid text. So really, him in front of his door on late Friday evening, at the same time when at least a dozen parties are taking place, was the last thing he was expecting to end his week with.
The older must’ve heard him approaching because he’s already looking at him, his eyes pierce through him like needles, boring into him which leaves him on the edge of feeling uncomfortable. He just stands there, for a short while not really knowing what to do or say. Beomgyu also remains silent. In fact, everything is quiet, he can’t hear anything-no water running down the rusty pipes, nor his neighbour’s dog barking.
Taehyun’s not sure how much time passes before he finally breaks the stare. He fishes for the bunch of keys in his pocket and shoves the biggest one into the high-placed lock, trying his best for his palms to shake as little as possible. He tells himself it’s only from the cold.
His action surprises the other, his face immediately softens and he gives him a confused look but it goes unnoticed due to him being focused on opening the door. Beomgyu pushes himself off the wall he’s been standing against, he gets closer to the entrance but then haltens half way as if he isn’t sure what he was meaning to do in the first place.
The key turns two times and then the door is creaked open, before he enters he looks into the other’s direction once again. He opens it wider but instead of getting inside he moves to the side, holding it ajar. He gives Beomgyu a look that lays somewhere between asking and demanding and the older rushes inside as if afraid the offer won’t stand if he lingers any longer.
Taehyun’s little studio doesn’t really have any hall, it’s just one big room with a kitchenette, a bed and a desk. At least the bathroom is separated, which seems almost luxurious for its price.
Taehyun shuts the door behind them and barrels it, while Beomgyu blindly reaches for the light switch. He’s familiar enough with the space to find it right away.
They dress down, still in complete silence, except for Taehyun’s remark about the other’s shoes.
“You’re wearing converse?” Beomgyu supposes it was meant to be a question, but his tone sounds more like… an angry statement.
“Um, yeah.” He slips off his other shoe and places it on the rack. His blue socks are damp so he also takes them off and sticks them into the shoes.
That only makes the other shake his head. Beomgyu notices.
“It wasn’t snowing when I left home this morning.”
“It’s fucking January, hyung.”
Taehyun gets across the room, his shoulders slumped from the tiredness which doesn’t go unnoticed by Beomgyu, who trails right behind him to the kitchenette. He waits until Taehyun sopes his hands and then passes the bar to him. It’s a new one, he notices because its shape is still very much square. This time the soap is purple with what seems like lavender petals. And so it smells like the flower.
“So… how’s it going?” Beomgyu asks but once it leaves his mouth he realises how awkward it sounds. He looks down abashed.
Taehyun’s eyebrows shoot up, but only for a small second before his face is back to his usual neutral expression. He chooses to ignore the question remaining silent and continues to dry his palms with a small towel, almost in a nervous manner. Maybe Beomgyu would know how it’s been going if he’d done as much as text Taehyun back.
Beomgyu’s hands are dripping wet too but he just decides to wipe them into his black jeans.
The towel is tacked into the counter’s handlebar, Taehyun makes sure for it to be straight just to keep his palms busy. He doesn’t miss the feeling of Beomgyu getting closer to him, by the time he stops the older’s chest is almost touching his shoulder and he wants to get closer. He thinks about it, he’s still angry.
Or maybe it’s not anger, but it’s hard to admit that in front of himself. More than anything else, it’s resentment because he wasn’t even expecting how upsetting the absence of the other in his life would be. The impact bothers him.
What’s even harder to admit is that he’s missed him and seeing him in front of his door made him just extremely relieved, maybe even happy… maybe even on the edge of euphoric.
So instead of letting the bitterness and pride take over him, he gives in to the softer side that’s been needing Beomgyu for the last 15 days. He turns to the side and embraces him in a tight hug, hooking his arms around the other’s neck and his chin on his shoulder. The yellow hoodie is soft against his skin and so he nuzzles further. Taehyun lets himself inhale the familiar smell of Beomgyu’s perfumes. The fragrance is sweet but not nauseate and just so calming to all of his senses. It feels like the first deep breath he’s been able to take in the last few days. It feels so good.
The action surprises Beomgyu and it takes him good few seconds to return it. He squeezes Taehyun back, tightly but there’s still uncertainty to his touch.
“Sorry for-“ He starts but soon enough he’s cut off by Taehyun shaking his head, still against his shoulder.
A bunch of muffled words is spoken into his neck.
“Hm?”
The younger inhales deeply before lifting his face, but he still remains in the other’s embrace. He can’t see his face.
“I can’t do this now. I’m so tired I-“ His whole body tenses but it eases once Beomgyu starts massaging his back reassuringly. “Let’s go to sleep and we’ll talk in the morning when my brain functions properly again.” Then he pulls away abruptly and adds. “I mean… if you wanna stay the night.”
______
Taehyun doesn’t linger too much on the fact that they get into the bed without showering and in their day clothes, only getting rid of their trousers. Their bare legs are tangled and he can feel that Beomgyu’s are freezing cold. He turns into his hold to check if the other is properly covered with the duvet. His eyes are closed and his breath is even.
Thinking he’s fallen asleep, Taehyun fixes the cover - gets it all the way up to where Beomgyu’s ears are. Feeling the movement he opens his eyes.
It startles Taehyun. “I thought you were asleep. Your legs are freezing, aren’t you cold?”
He shoves his body closer to Taehyun and hides his face into the crook of his neck and it turns out his nose is also cold, in fact the contact makes a shiver run down Taehyun’s spine. He can now feel a faint smell of sweat mixed with rain on his hair and it surprises him he actually doesn’t mind it.
“I’m fine.”
Taehyun sighs into his hair. “You can’t wear canva shoes in winter, hyung.”
“Hm.”
“I’m serious, you’re gonna get sick. Get flu, or something even worse.”
“Okay…”
Taehyun let’s his body relax and his eyes drop closed. The sound of Beomgyu breathing is lulling him to sleep. Outside, it’s still snowing and the wind is whizzing through the windows.
He’s somewhere between being awake and unconscious when Beomgyu speaks. “Taehyun-ah?” He can’t manage any words, so he lets out a soft groan instead. “I really missed you.”
______
Taehyun’s fridge lacks any product other than milk and butter so for breakfast they are doomed to eat cereal. But when he sets the colorful box on the small coffee table along with two bowls Beomgyu doesn’t seem to mind.
They eat in silence, not talking but the sound of the busy street coming from the opened window is enough to make it feel less awkward. Beomgyu finishes first but doesn’t move from his place on the plush rug across from where Taehyun is sitting. He waits, watching him and the other feels the stare which makes him glue his eyes to the remains of cereal inside the little, green bowl.
Inevitably he also finally finishes the meal and whether he wants it or not he has to look up. He finds Beomgyu’s eyes which look way softer than he was expecting them to. He thinks he looks pretty like that, soft and fresh from the shower with his hair still damp and wearing one of Tehyun’s T-shirts.
“What is it, hyung?” He asks but no reply comes. So he stands up and makes his way to the other side of the coffee table, next to the other. “Hm?”
Instead of a reply Beomgyu gives him a question. “Taehyun-” He hums again to encourage him to continue. “What are… we, exactly?” He asks. His voice is stable and he looks at Taehyun so intensively he isn’t sure he’s able to take it.
He knows what the other means by that question. And he wonders. Yeah, what are they? For sure friends, he wouldn't ever question that. But if he said they were only friends, or that he would want them to only ever be friends he’d be lying to himself.
He must be taking too long to answer because Beomgyu speaks again. “I know we are friends.” He says as if he was reading Taehyun’s mind just a moment ago. “I don’t wanna change that, but also…“ He lets out an irritated puff of air through his nose and combs through his damp hair with his palm. “I don’t know anymore. Are we dating?”
Even the thought alone makes a bunch of butterflies wake up in his stomach. There’s this dumb smile he hates so much, trying to creep on his lips. He presses them into a thin line to remain neutral.
This time Beomgyu also doesn’t wait for his answer before continuing. “Maybe I’m the only one, but for me it feels like we are. And.. and I know that what I’m saying now may just ruin everything between us because you’ve told me you weren’t looking for a boyfriend.”
Taehyun remembers his words, it was about a month after they’d met. And he wants to slap his past self for being so mindless. His aim was to just focus on his studies with straight A’s and not getting bothered or distracted with anything as trivial as romance. So when that one evening Beomgyu was walking him home and then tried to kiss him goodbye his reaction was a polite refusal and explanation.
Oh, how much he wishes he’s never done that.
“Because friends don’t sleep together, and don’t kiss. A friend doesn’t miss their friend the way I miss you… And a friend shouldn’t be in love with a friend. I catch myself so often thinking of you as my boyfriend but knowing that it’s something you wouldn’t want makes me feel so shitty because I don’t wanna force you into anything.” His voice is way quieter now and a bit shaky, it makes something inside Taehyun’s chest ache. He reaches out to put him into an embrace. At first the other leans in but then as if rethinking it he lightly pushes him away. “The reason I wasn’t talking to you… Oh, god it’s gonna seem so dumb but… I was talking to my sister the other day and she was all about a surprise she’s been planning for her boyfriend for Valentine's day and automatically, not even thinking about it I said that I should think about something for mine… boyfriend I mean. And she was like you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend and only then I realized. Then I felt so bad that I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you.”
Taehyun finds the monologue sweet, it makes him feel warm all over. He knows there’s a red tint on his cheeks that are now rounding their shape because he no longer tries to hide his lovestruck smile. Beomgyu doesn’t see that though, his eyes are glued to his palms that rest in his lap. He fiddles nervously with his fingers, picking on his cuticles.
Taehyun cradles Beomgyu’s head making him look up. He delicately pulls his fringe behind his ears. Beomgyu watches him intensely but his gaze is also incredibly warm and makes him feel like he’s in the right place, that he shouldn’t be anywhere else now but here. He plants a kiss to his nose. It takes the older off guard at first but then he smiles, almost sheepish.
“You’re right hyung, friend shouldn’t be in love with a friend.” Beomgyu’s smile drops and worry replaces it so Taehyun pecks his cheek this time, instead. “But… what if they are in love with each other? What then?”
“What do you mean?”
Taehyun doesn’t waste time and climbs right into Beomgyu’s lap. He circles his arms around his neck while the other looks at him confused but his body still reacts. He places his palms on the younger’s back, flat against his spine.
“I’m in love with you, hyung and from what I got it’s mutual. So what are we gonna do about it?”
“But you said…”
Taehyun can’t help but smile even wider. He cuddles the other’s body closer hiding his nose into his neck. “I know…” He sighs. “That was the plan but… things happened.”
“Okay.” Beomgyu says, he sounds breathy like he can’t take enough air into his lungs. Taehyun looks up to find him smiling brightly, his teeth showing. He wants to kiss him again, for real now.
“Okay?”
Beomgyu nods. “So… you wouldn’t mind being my boyfriend? Being with me?” He asks more on a serious note this time.
It’s so corny but the words make Taehyun so happy, he would have never imagined that feeling that fills him whole in this moment. It’s pure euphoria.
He shakes his head and then makes sure to look right into Beomgyu’s eyes when he speaks. “No, I wouldn’t. I’d be really happy.”
Beomgyu’s bubbly laughter fills the space around them and Taehyun can’t help but smile too. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He says dumbly and grins so widely his cheeks hurt. Leaning in, he brushes their noses together and pecks his lips one more time. This time though, while he’s at it Beomgyu pulls him closer and deepens the kiss. And this one feels so much better than any other kiss they’ve ever shared, so much warmer, more intense. Taehyun doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want to lose the feeling of the other's soft lips against his own. But Beomgyu smiles so widely that their teeth knock, it makes him chuckle.
Taehyun leans back and smacks him playfully on the shoulder which only widens his smile. He catches his eyes and all he sees in them is adoration and merit. His heart grows, he drops a few more kisses to Beomgyu’s face - to his forehead, temple and when the older leans into him, cuddling him closer and puts his face in the crook of his neck a peck lands on the crown of his head.
He catches a glimpse of the window with the corner of his eye. Outside it’s snowing again, the wind makes the white petals swirl around but all he feels is heat that overflows inside him.