Chapter Text
It starts innocently enough.
Izuku is going through his social media after a long shift, head nodding off on the couch, desperately nudging him to just brush his teeth already and head to bed. And like always, Izuku snuffs that rational side of his brain with a broom and continues to mildly indulge in the hopes of alleviating the stress of the day to come.
Another 12 hour shift with Kacchan, he groans. He needs all the recharging his body can muster before that gruelling task. Don’t get him wrong; Izuku doesn’t dislike working with Kacchan (that’s a very strong word), he just merely despises it with his whole being. There’s a vast difference.
Kacchan, whose life purpose lately has become aggressively outshining Izuku in every available opportunity with marginal success, which only serves to aggravate him more and cause him to become more aggressive in his endeavour. All in all, it’s an unpleasant experience for both, which is strange, because Izuku and Kacchan got on so well in their last year at UA that a hero partnership was on the horizon for them the moment they graduated. Their teamwork was immaculate, and the chemistry between them was undeniable; a joint offer was an inevitability. That was two years ago.
These days, they spend their working hours fighting over petty nonsense.
No wonder Izuku hasn’t seen a rise in his ranking in months. Kacchan isn’t faring any better.
And it’s as if these stray thoughts lagging in his head have triggered a summoning, because the next thing Izuku’s half-snoozing eyes catch a glimpse of is Kacchan’s profile on a celebrity gossip account. He stops his passive scrolling and snaps back into focus, mind already reeling on the possibilities. It takes him reading the article title to click his tongue and deem it unworthy of his attention or free time.
Top Ten Wardrobe Malfunctions with Fanservice Potential: Pro Heroes Edition (No.3 Will Have You Drooling!)
Izuku scrolls past, adamant on not giving those privy bloggers the satisfaction of those clicks, but a small part hiding in the corner of his mind -it sounds suspiciously like Ashido squealing, ‘I wanna see! I wanna see!’- keeps nagging him to at least check it out. It takes him three attempts of persuasion to give in.
One: You’re not even on good terms with Kacchan anymore – Yeah, but when did that ever matter, hm?
Two: Someone else will do something about it. It’s none of your business – You’re a hero, Izuku! That was never an option for you. You must get involved even when no one asks.
Three: What if the pic is hot? – Who are you and what are you doing inside my head?
(Just ignore No.3!! Who said anything about thirst and drooling? Oh yeah, it was the dumb online article. Certainly not Izuku.)
So, Izuku goes back to the article thumbnail, repeating the mantra that he’s only doing this to see how bad it is, and whether informing Kacchan’s PR team would be necessary or not. After all, Izuku’s a good ‘friend’ (pfft, he hasn’t used that word in relation to Kacchan for quite a while) and a decent co-worker (unlike a certain explosive blond).
His finger shies away from clicking for a reason unfathomable to him, and he ends up on the comment section instead. He’s about to mentally kick himself and scroll back up when he catches his name in the top, most liked, comment.
ground zero’s left gauntlet (@thirstyforthetitty) says: CLICKBAIT!! wtf ground zero’s nip slip is obscured by pro hero deku’s giant fat head!!!!!!!!!! i’m screaming!!!
Replying to @thirstyforthetitty, GZ is the no.1 Goat (@justvibing265) says: lol you must be new to the fandom. deku photobombing every good shot of gz is literally an ongoing thing. look at this. [Four pictures attached]
Replying to @justvibing265, ground zero’s left gauntlet (@thirstyforthetitty) says: forever cockblocked by that chonky face ☹ god i hate it here
Then, there’s this stack of replies raving about how this is all part of Deku’s grand scheme of tanking Ground Zero’s career, and how he’s jealous that he can never be that sexy. So many are mourning the tragedy of ‘day 451 without spicy GZ pics’, and some even complaining about how Deku is selfish for depriving the fandom of the ‘Good ShitTM.’
This is a horrible mess.
Izuku pauses for a good second, and stares at all the pictures attached of Kacchan. He’s in battle, a formal event, special TV interview, a lush party, and the recurring theme in all those is Izuku’s being in the forefront of the shot. This must be a coincidence, Izuku concludes in dismay, because he clearly didn’t know there was a camera in any of these pictures, as proven by how unflattering each and every one of them are. Izuku cringes at the particular image of him blinking with one eye half-open, face scrunched up to the flash of the camera, every crease on his forehead present and making him look like a perverted sicko. There’s a corner of Kacchan’s face present, looking wistfully in the background, the entirety of his fresh-pressed suit hidden behind Izuku.
Sitting up on his couch, Izuku clicks on the gossip scoop, quickly sweeps past all the suggestive images of his friends, Creati and Lamillion being the showstoppers, and landing on no. 3, Kacchan, and is devastated to discover that those commentators are absolutely correct. Kacchan’s post-victory battle shot is ruined by Izuku ungracefully walking into the scene, and covering all the bare skin left exposed by the tattered hero costume.
And all this time Izuku thought the Ground Zero fandom hated him because of their infamous esteemed rivalry, not this innocent mistake. It’s a huge misunderstanding- Izuku needs to clear it up as soon as possible.
So, that’s how he ends up making the most dangerous and reckless move of his hero career. Izuku, like the absolute dumbass he is, responds to the comments.
Pro Hero Deku (@izukumidoriya): Hey! I believe there’s a bit of confusion here. 😊 I would never ruin Kacchan’s photos on purpose. We’re hero partners after all haha. I assure you none of my cameos in those pics were intentional 😅 I wish you all the best of luck on finding new cool shots of Kacchan!
Satisfied after clearing his name and defending his innocence, Izuku turns off his phone and goes to bed.
Unbeknownst to him, the gate of hell has opened on the internet that night and the insatiable rage has embarked on his poor unsuspecting soul.
“Get out of my way, Deku!”
Kacchan using his explosions on both Izuku and the villain in a fight is routine at this point. Izuku expects it, so he dodges the course of the attack on time. The villain doesn’t, on the other hand, because only one of them has the privilege of witnessing Kacchan’s rampage first hand every day.
What joy.
“This isn’t your playground, Kacchan,” Izuku shouts as he engages the opponent again. “You can’t keep doing this.”
And then comes the part where they go around and around in aimless circles, with Izuku and Kacchan bumping into each other with every countermove, because one refuses to acknowledge the presence of any other hero on the scene, while the other cannot comprehend, or predict, the method of madness in this strategy. It’s a rightful mess of teamwork that resembles the final exam in their first year of UA a little too close for comfort.
But, like any tedious and gruesome task, his shift with Kacchan comes to an end eventually. Thank goodness for that, Izuku thinks as he watches Todoroki finish apprehending the villain. Kacchan is probably not very pleased with the turn of events so Izuku keeps his distance when reporting back to the news outlet.
How did he allow things to get this bad between them?
There is a simple linear relationship between the amount of missions you clerk in under your name and your hero ranking: the more missions under your belt, the higher your rank. Yes, as mentioned, a simple linear relationship.
Which is why Izuku and Kacchan stumble, trip over each other, and half-wrestle half-strangle one another in an effort to get to the agency first and clerk their most recent mission. As it stands, the first person who logs the incident with his account gets the most credit. Flawed system, but Izuku will be damned if he lets himself lose in this rigged game.
Needless to say, he feels justified in using One for All to physically haul Kacchan out of the way so he can get to the computer by the agency entrance desk first. He swipes his card, and curses loudly when it doesn’t register, because he now has to manually write in his login information. Screw his past ambitious self for choosing a lengthy, complicated password, because he barely gets one capital letter and a number in before he gets yanked from his bunny hoodie and tossed to the side.
“Get fucked, pipsqueak.”
Izuku recovers hastily, and watches as Kacchan deletes his details to punch in his own, and internally whoops at the idea of Kacchan not having his agency ID card at hand. Perfect, there is enough time for Izuku to jump on Kacchan’s back and clings to him like a koala. Kacchan shrieks, which causes Izuku to yell instinctively on command. It’s a very jarring, yet unshocking scene for incomers to the agency.
The scuffle dies down when Kacchan stops elbowing Izuku’s face, and Izuku grants mercy to Kacchan’s eyesight so he can see that today’s mission has already been logged in by no other than pro hero Shouto. They gawk at the screen in unison, and Todoroki, dressed in his civilian clothes, chooses to slide past them in that instant.
One glance towards the unfortunate duo, and Todoroki’s eyebrows edge ever so slightly in understanding. “Oh, not to worry! I already took care of the formalities. Thought I’d save you guys the time and trouble.”
And, what’s most distressing is that Todoroki doesn’t even try and somehow he ranks higher than both him and Kacchan. How does he do it so effortlessly? Is this what it looks like to be born loved and pampered by the universe? Of course, Todoroki’s scar tells a different story on looks, but that’s not Izuku’s burden to bear.
Kacchan shoulders sag, and upon noticing Izuku still clinging to his back like a lost child, he shrugs him off violently.
“Get off me, Deku. This is all your damn fault anyway.”
Izuku dusts his soiled clothing nonchalantly, and rolls his eyes. “You share about the same amount of blame, but whatever helps you sleep at night.”
He expects shouting and profanities and insults that will have his own mother gasping, but Kacchan just growls under his breath and takes his leave to the agency showers. Izuku distantly wonders if Kacchan is tired of this routine. Every day is the same uncoordinated dance that neither of them understand anymore. Well, Izuku reasons, if Kacchan wants things to get better between them again, then maybe he should try a little harder.
Because Izuku is tired too.
“Ready to go?”
Izuku pokes Uraraka on her shoulder before resting his head on top of hers, hands patting her arms playfully. She giggles and wiggles away to escape Izuku’s friendly embrace, sauntering off the bench with the motion.
“Thanks for agreeing to come along, Deku,” she says. “Grocery shopping isn’t the most exciting evening activity so I appreciate the company.”
“Not a problem at all.” Izuku smiles, and slings his duffle bag on his shoulder. “I have to pick up a few things as well so it’s all good.”
He doesn’t get two steps away from the agency before he gets hounded by Kacchan’s golden retriever trio: Kaminari, Sero and Kirishima. The attention is sudden, to say the least, so you can’t blame Izuku for being completely taken off guard.
“Why did you poke the beast, dude?” Kaminari is shaking his shoulders with pointed alarm, and Izuku cannot help but match the panic in his friend's tone.
“Who? What- What did I do?”
“You’ve been trending at number one all day!” Sero is shoving a phone in his face, but the frantic movements of his head being flinged back and forth is making it extremely hard to read anything off the screen.
Kirishima takes pity on Izuku’s poor neck, as well as his quickly vanishing sense of balance, and stops Kaminari from his overexcited frenzy. A calming hand on the back and a reassuring smile goes a long way. Izuku slaps his own two cheeks, before saying, “Hold on, why am I trending? What happened?”
“The Deku filter!” The three boys yell excitedly, and Uraraka claps her hands together knowingly.
Izuku has so many questions, and none of what being said is quelling the pit of anxiety growing in his stomach. The what now? Having given up on receiving any kind of explanation from his small audience, Izuku pulls out his own phone for the first time that day, and is shaken by the amount of notifications infecting the screen like a viral load.
He opens his social media, rapidly going through his mentions and the hashtags, fear and confusion painting his insides like a feral beast. Oh god, oh god, oh god. This is bad, no no NO, this is downright horrifying.
Under #thedekufilter lays hundreds upon hundreds of photos with Izuku’s face photoshopped on top as a censorship tool. Every posted picture uses a worse, more unflattering image of Izuku. It's almost like a competition on who can create the most hideous, cringe-worthy floating head sticker. Nudes, personal details, faces, anonymity preservers, and most importantly, Kacchan’s official hero photoshoots- these are the kind of images filling his feed with his own face staring back at him. Other hashtags make an appearance too.
#dekunsorship #cockblockdeku #thirstpolicedeku
It’s a lot and he can barely make sense as to how this has happened. What started it? Who is responsible? And why that photo of him with a huge pimple on his nose? God, please. As looming doom finds a place atop Izuku’s head, four faces try to squeeze alongside said doom to peek at Izuku’s phone.
Uraraka sighs. “You really shouldn’t have messed with the Ground Zero fandom. It does have a reputation of being, um-” a long pause “-unhinged.”
“Yeah,” Kaminari agrees, “Like hero, like fans. It’s mostly ‘cus Bakugou doesn’t have an active social media presence or many appearances outside field work.”
“They’re starved for content, Midoriya, and you just made yourself a tasty meal.” Sero shakes his head.
“Don’t worry, bro. We’re on your side. We will only use your best selfies as filters, right guys?” Kirishima pats Izuku’s head in what he hopes is a comforting gesture, but all that he’s doing is getting Izuku’s curls caught between his fingers. It’s painful at best, but Izuku appreciated the attempt.
Kaminari snickers on his right. “‘Dick Dock Deku’, pfft. That’s a good one.”
“I like ‘the Deku Dong Bonk’ hashtag better. Classic.” Sero cackles on his left.
Izuku doesn’t even register Uraraka pulling him out from the man tent he’s been under until she tries to steer him away from the agency. Rooted in his spot, Izuku tears his eyes from his phone for the first time in fifteen minutes, and cries, “Why ‘SFW broccoli’ though? How does that even make sense? What are these hashtags?”
Uraraka shrugs sheepishly and says, “Well, you are very family friendly. You also have a lot of younger fans so…”
Izuku groans with all the frustration of the ten hashtags butchering his name. At this rate, his legacy of heroism will die under this mountain of face filter apolocoplase, and for what? Because he tried to be nice to Kacchan’s fans? Because he accidentally photobombed him a few times?
This is so unfair.
Why does Kacchan get to be the censored sex symbol while Izuku becomes a meme overnight?
Why?
His face is not even that chunky.