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Bucky’s mind was so muddled. He was supposed to of killed Steve but instead, when he watched Steve fall from the aircraft, something inside of him ached so he just had to jump after him and drag his unconscious body from the freezing water. Bucky wanted to take Steve to a hospital or even just stay there with him but he knew he couldn’t. He had to get somewhere safe where HYDRA wouldn’t find him and he had to reset the arm Steve had disconnected earlier. So he left Steve there on the banks of the river, but he couldn’t help but regret his decision.
That led to a week later where Bucky was sat in the armchair in Steve’s apartment, staring absent minded at the bullet holes in the wall from when he was supposed to kill Nick Fury. He was alone in Steve’s apartment, Steve had no idea that he was there as he was still in hospital but he was being released today.
He knew he shouldn’t really be here but being around Steve’s stuff was sort of...relaxing. Since the incident, memories had been flashing constantly and he was remembering his past from his childhood with Steve to that horrible moment when he fell and was taken away from all that he cared about.
Bucky no longer wore all his combat gear and instead wore simply a pair of sweat pants and a navy blue t-shirt he stole when nosing around. He had his long brown hair tied back with a hair band and fingerless gloves over his normal and metal hands, he had to say, this was much more comfortable than what he had to deal with for the last seventy years.
Lost in his day dreams, Bucky never noticed the sound of the front door opening and closing followed by footsteps.
“B-Bucky?”
His head snapped up to see who the voice belonged to. Steve.
Bucky just stared at Steve. He looked tired but still like the friend he once had; with chiselled features, tall muscular body, short golden blond hair and his bright blue eyes which Bucky remembered he had even before the serum. Now those eyes stared at him in disbelief and his lips were parted in surprise as he stared back at Bucky.
Bucky hadn’t planned what he would actually say to Steve if they met again and all he could think to say, in a quiet mumbled voice was “I’m sorry...”
Steve began to walk forward than stopped, seeming unsure whether Bucky would attack or not, “What are you sorry for, Buck?” He said carefully, although the smile on his lips was visible especially as he looked Bucky up and down.
Getting up slowly from the chair, he took a small step forwards towards Steve but Bucky looked down at his hands, picking at the edges of his gloves, “For not believing you and for attempting to kill you. If only I knew who you were then...” His worlds faded away.
“Buck, what are you trying to say?” Steve asked, taking another step towards him.
He looked up at the tall blond, their eyes locking together, “I remember you, Steve.”
Steve froze with a hopeful look on his face, “You do?”
Bucky nodded, “I do... Not everything, but I remember enough. Even having to protect you because you were so small and sickly as a kid, and how you remained my friend till the end of the line.” For the first time in over seventy years he let a smile tease the corners of his mouth.
Suddenly, Bucky was wrapped in strong arms and he was pressed against Steve in a hug. The assassin in the back of his mind told him he should push Steve away but everything else told him that he was safe and before he knew what he was doing he felt his own arms wrapping around the middle of the other man.
Being shorter than Steve, his head rested just above Steve’s heart, so close that he could hear it thumping. Bucky was warm and safe. He felt Steve mumble against his ear, “I missed you, Bucky.”
Chuckling lightly, Bucky stepped back and looked up at Steve’s face, “I would say the same but I had my memory whipped.”
“You always have to the joker, don’t you?” The expression on Steve’s face was one of fondness and care. “Anyway, I don’t know long you’ve been here but I’m personally very hungry.” He wandered over to a table which had looked like some sort of menu on it then looked back at Bucky, “Do you want some pizza?”
Bucky nodded in agreement then settled down on the leather couch that sat in the middle of the living room. He watched as Steve punched numbers into a phone and ordered a pepperoni pizza before ending the call and sitting down on the other side of the couch, clearly trying to be respectful of Bucky’s personal space.
Half an hour later, after while watching part of some romantic comedy, the doorbell rung and Bucky assumed it was the pizza as Steve happily jumped up and over the back of the couch, heading to the door. Moments later, Steve returned with a flat cardboard box in hand and sat down on the couch, sitting right next to Bucky this time, then lay the pizza box on the coffee table before opening it.
Steve hungrily grabbed a slice of piece, chewing on the meaty cheese combination with a smile, “This is so much better than hospital food.” Bucky frowned at the thought that he put Steve there and only nibbled at his slice of pizza. Steve obviously noticed his uneasiness, “What’s wrong, Buck?”
Bucky sighed and put down the pizza, “My mind just feels...so broken. For so long I was a weapon for HYDRA and now I don’t know what to do. With memories coming back to me now, I feel like I’m going to shatter from the guilt of everything I’ve done...” His eyes stung as tears threatened. He hadn’t cried in a long time.
Straight away Steve moved closer to Bucky and wrapped an arm around his shoulders then pulled him against the blonde’s chest which he immediately sunk into. Bucky couldn’t help but hide his face in Steve’s shoulder; he didn’t want Steve to sigh. When he was the Winter Soldier and he cried during the procedures he was always punished. He knew Steve would never hurt him. Steve was all he could trust.
Raising a hand, Steve stroked Bucky’s hair gently and kissed the top of his head, “It’ll be okay, Buck. I’ll help you with anything and you should know that. I’m with you till the end of the line, buddy.”
Bucky looked up at Steve and spoke quietly, “With you till the end of the line...”
Leaning down slowly, Steve’s lips brushed against the brunettes then paused as if waiting for permission. It didn’t need to be given. Bucky closed the small space between them and pressed his lips to Steve’s in a slow kiss and Bucky relaxed when he felt the other man’s fingers cup his neck, thumb rubbing across the little stubble there while he rested his normal hand on Steve’s knee to balance himself but to also make sure that he was actually there. After what felt like hours but was just minutes, Bucky slowly moved back so their lips were just brushing, breathes mingling together, “I think we should eat the pizza before it goes cold.” He joked, a small smile on his face.
Steve rolled his eyes but was smiling like an idiot, “You better eat it properly then before it’s all gone then.”