Work Text:
It was late, the night air piercingly quiet as it always seemed to be on the nights you spent alone. It was to be expected, of course, when you stopped to consider who you shared your living space with. You have known Kurapika for what seemed like a lifetime yet it had only been a short two years. Although, the young man you had met those two years ago was not the same man you now know. While you have heard the whispers between friends that he had grown to be more handsome and intriguing, and I suppose you wouldn’t disagree on the handsome thing but you missed the boy you originally knew. You never failed to notice the markings of overworking and stress that painted the blondes face. You would consider yourself an expert on the said face, you hesitate to admit it but you spend more time that anyone should staring at his face. Some would say that you harbored a small (immensely large) crush on the Kurta but you tried your best to not think about it too much. It wasn't as if you were shy or would rather that he make the first move, rather you had a very early realization of the slim chances of a relationship with him. The possible romantic relationship seemed to be a disaster waiting to happen so you held your tongue. That thought aside, you loved him despite his, unfortunately, self-destructive tendencies and dedicated revenge plans. You were just as happy to spend what little moments you could with him. That was more than enough.
If almost like waking up from a deep sleep, you were pulled away from your thoughts by the clicks and twists of the front door unlocking. Kurapika trudged up the stairs at an almost snail pace. He gave you a small smile as the two of you made eye contact, then retreating into his bedroom. You let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding in once the blonde had passed you. Your heart ached for Kurapika. This wasn’t the first time he had come home this way. It wasn’t always this way, but recently it had only become worse. More late returns home, fewer hours of sleep, and one-word conversations. Your lips pursed as your head fell back against the couch. Were you wrong to be worried? Against your better judgment, you moved to follow him. While you knew there were no romantic ties, you still were one of his friends. You had a right to be at least a little concerned. His bedroom door was closed which was unsurprising. Even at the best of times, Kurapika was a very private man. Your fingers lingered centimeters from the door, your next steps uncertain. While your worries seemed valid to you, you still felt an invisible roadblock stopping you from knocking on the door. It was quite possible that Kurapika would welcome the company but he also could very well want some time alone. You took a breath, grounding yourself as you let your hand connect with his bedroom door, your knuckles making a soft rap on the door. You had no idea what you expected but it wasn’t to find yourself coming face to face with the blonde man.
“Should you not already be in bed?” Kurapika asked as he leaned his head against the doorframe. You smiled softly at him as your eyes met.
“I could say the same about you. I’m not keeping you am I?” You asked, your fingers twiddling with the hem of your shirt. He gives you another small smile, just like the one from before.
“No, you’re never a bother.” He stated almost matter-of-factly. This left a quick yet somehow agonizingly slow silence between the two of you.
“Can I come in?” You asked, breaking the stark silence. He nodded at your request, moving away from the door, allowing you to enter. Every time you saw his room you felt a tang of disappointment. It was barren save for a bed, a closet, and a bookshelf. You knew that Kurapika was not a materialistic man by any means as well as his stay not being 100% permanent, yet you still hoped to see him settle in just a little bit. Kurapika sat down on the bed, his eyes trailing your own as you looked around the room. As your eyes locked, he opened his mouth to speak. You were quick to cut him off before even a single sound could escape his lips.
“Kurapika, I am worried about you.” You stated abruptly. The blonde gazes at you with knowing eyes as he sinks deeper into the mattress.
“There is no reason for alarm. I am quite alright.” He responded with the words he knew youtube wanted to hear. You feel your lips press tightly together before you speak again.
“I don’t believe you, Kurapika. You’ve been overworking yourself and pushing everyone away recently. I know that not everything is okay.” You responded, your words flowing steadily like a waterfall. You take a seat next to Kurapika on the bed, your hands reaching to capture his. You feel a slight blush crawl it's way up your neck at the action.
“I’m not trying to say that you have to stop. In fact, I admire your dedication more than words could ever describe but don’t you think that you deserve a chance to feel good and for once not weighed down by such a heavy responsibility?” You ask, your mind running a million miles a minute, Anyone close to Kurapika knew that his mission was a sensitive topic and you couldn’t help but pray that he knew and understood that you didn’t mean for your words to come across as unsupportive. Granted, you would not call yourself supportive as you couldn’t help but notice the negative effects that that revenge had on the blonde. You could never fully understand the pain he felt but you understood why he had such an immense desire to fulfill his plans. Who wouldn’t want an answer for such terrible actions? You could feel the blondes fists clench at your words. The stark feel of the flexing of each finger against your own caused your heart to jump.
“Weighed down?” He said, the words almost hissing from his lips. “You have no idea what being weighed down is like. The atrocities that I have seen.” He continues, his voice rising slightly as he averts his eyes from yours. You felt the tips of your fingers being to resemble static while you try to gently hold the young man’s hand. The two of you had always had a mutual understanding of each other's emotional boundaries. You tended to wear your heart on your sleeve in most situations, and for what may seem surprising to some, Kurapika was an excellent listener. He on the other hand was the expert in bottling up each and every emotion. While you undoubtedly respected that but you also knew the immense damage that could cause in someone.
“You know that I would never try to stop you or stand in your way. I never want to downplay how hard every single day is for you or am I trying to pretend to be able to understand the pain or challenges you go through. I just…” You pause, your hands moving to caress his face, your thumbs shaking as they swipe across his cheeks. “I don’t want to see you throw your life away. The path you're on isn’t a safe one. What good is revenge if you die?” You stammer out, your hands falling from his face to a resting position in your lap. You hesitated to make eye contact with Kurapika as you could already see the faint rim of red in his irises from the corner of your vision. Before you could speak again, Kurapika let out a sigh and stood up, softly walking to the door, opening it without a word. You tensed up at this action, that static feeling traveling from your fingertips to all over your body. You stood up, your legs slightly shaking as you walked towards the door. You couldn’t work up the courage to look him in the face as you walked through the doorway. The moment you passed through, the door shut behind you softly. For a moment you were dazed. What did this mean? Was he angry with you? While Kurapika had been known to be a hot head sometimes, his friends generally were not the subjects of it. Your body shivered at the thought of being on the receiving end of that temper. You steeled yourself, shoving the thought from your mind as you disappeared into your own bedroom.
As you fell back into your bed, you couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that rattled through your mind. Was something wrong? Everything seemed bad, but could things be worse? Your thoughts traveled to what life was like without Kurapika’s presence in your home. It was a temporary arrangement when your roommate moved out. He needed a place to stay while he took care of business in the city and you happily offered the spare room. You would have been overjoyed to have him stay forever. You knew that was impossible but it never stopped you from thinking it. You shifted in your bed, the sheets wrinkling around you. Perhaps you were overthinking? Was it better to be safe than sorry? Against your better judgment, you slipped off of your bed to return to the blonde's side. You didn’t necessarily feel any guilt but you swallowed your pride and opted to apologize for the press on such a sensitive subject. Kurapika’s door was slightly ajar when you returned to it which was a cause for concern. You gently pushed the door open to see what little evidence of Kurapika in the room was gone. Not even the few books that normally say upon the bookshelf were there. They were gone as if the man was never there. You quickly slipped your way down the hall, nearly tripping down the small staircase that led to the front door. As if this moment was scripted in a film you saw Kurapika. He had one hand on the doorknob and another holding a suitcase. Your eyes widened as the two of you made eye contact. The blonde looked the same as he did when he first arrived home. There was not a single trace of anything other than those familiar overworked eyes.
“Where are you going?” You asked with hushed breath. The blonde only could look at you. The world was once again that familiar and lonely quiet. “Kurapika, please. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just worried.” You began to ramble out, the words as shaky and unsteady as an earthquake. “You know I love you. I just want to see you happy and I know you won't truly be until you complete your mission but I am scared you won't live to see the end of it.” You continued, rattling off every thought your mind could produce. Your brain felt the pull of a sort of fight or flight mode. The static had once again returned to your body, your teeth chattering as you felt thick tears roll down your cheeks. Your gaze fell to the floor as you felt your hands clasp tightening together. You feared the blonde had already walked out the door when you heard the thunk of the suitcase on the floor. Your head snapped to look at Kurapika. His face had not changed, not a single muscle had moved. “Are we not friends anymore? I promise I’ll never bring it up again.” You say, a slight hiccup in your voice. The blonde stiffened at the question.
“It is not as if we are no longer friends. I fear that I cause you distress. I am not suitable to be sharing this space with you.” Kurapika explained, his voice oh so calm. You blinked, the remaining tears escaping your eyes. Had he not been upset with you? Granted, you had thought that it wouldn’t be the case but his actions up until this point seemed to say otherwise. “I greatly appreciate your support to me but I believe that it would be best for you if I took my leave.” Kurapika continued, not hesitating to also add on that he would transfer you some Jenny to cover his portion of the rent until you were able to find a replacement. You gazed at him, your eyes still wet from the sudden wave of tears. The blonde went to pick up his suitcase but you quickly grabbed his hand with your own. Your eyes met and you wondered if yours reflected the same look of loss that his did.
“Please don’t go. I don’t want you to go.” You whispered, your voice hoarse. You felt his thumb gently move across the top of your hand. Normally, a soft action like this directed at you would cause an immeasurably large grin but now it seemed to just live to taunt you as his thumb left your skin feeling like pinpricks.
“I grew angry at you for worrying for me. You do not deserve such a cruel action, especially in your own home. I apologize but this is for your best interest.” He repeated again. You felt as if your head was caught in a whirlpool, your hand still tight around his. How could you possibly imagine a life without him in it? Your mind flipped through each happy memory that the two of you shared. What was your favorite? Perhaps it was the time you first dragged him out to a new and popular restaurant that had just opened downtown? You had told him that maybe some high profile guests would be there and how it couldn’t possibly hurt to check it out. The two of you never did find anyone of interest other than each other. A three-hour meal with Kurapika felt like a blur as you became enchanted by every word that escaped his lips. Maybe you favored the time you caught him reading a very old and weathered copy of Dino-Hunter? He had offered to let you borrow the book if you were interested but you opted to sit by his side and read along with him. There were small notes in the margins written in Kurta and he explained what each one said, you even learned a couple of words by the end of the night. There were plenty of wonderful moments just like those that meant more to you than anything. His presence in your home was what allowed you such treasured interactions. Only you could say you experienced such things with him. Maybe it was selfish but you weren’t ready to give up the chance at more. You took a deep breath before you directed your eyes to stare deeply into his own.
“Kurapika, I love you. I love you more than a friend. There is nothing that you could do that would make me not love you. You being in my life is the thing I am the most thankful for every single day. I just want to continue spending my days with you at my side. I understand if you do not reciprocate my romantic feelings towards you, I know that you have a lot on your plate but as a friend, could you please stay?” You asked, your voice sturdy. It was now or never. You never imagined that you would confess these feelings to him in a situation like this. For once, the lapse in conversation was not quiet, rather you could hear your heartbeat as it thumped strongly against your chest. You didn’t fail to notice the look of shock that took over the blonde's face. If you weren’t in such a heated moment, you may have wondered how he didn’t pick up on these feelings earlier.
“I was not aware that you had such feelings for me.” He stated, the shock laced in his voice. You could only stare back at him, your breath caught in your throat as you waited for his answer. “I apologize but I still do not believe my presence in your life is good for you. You said it yourself, the path I am following is not safe, meaning that I would not want to wrap you up in it.” He explained, the false calm clear in his voice. You took a deep breath before speaking again.
“Kurapika, I don’t care what path you’re on. I just want to walk that path with you. Would I prefer you not to die? Yes! That doesn’t mean that I would just give up on my feelings for you. I have fallen in love with you despite your flaws. Please...just tell me yes or no.” You responded, your exhaustion apparent in your voice. How much more did you need to do so that he would understand your love for him? You could see him shift in his spot and you wondered if it was nerves. Did Kurapika ever become nervous? “You don’t need to reciprocate but I only want to know if you will stay with me. Even as a friend I would be more than happy. I promise I will throw the romantic love I have out the door. It won’t be awkward for either of us.” You reassured, hoping to pull his answer out. Without a word, Kurapika picked up the suitcase once again. Your breath hitched in your throat. Was he going to leave? Much to your surprise, the blonde retreated up the stairs. You hesitantly followed him up as the two of you returned to the bedroom that you, not less than an hour ago, had exchanged your intense words. He sat down in the exact same spot he had before, and you followed suit. It was like a strange dance the way you responded to each of his movements. He turned his body to look at you and you couldn't help but wonder if this action was his version of an answer. Before you could speak up, the blonde quickly tugged you into an embrace, his face pressed into the crook of your neck. At this moment you inhaled sharply, your hands slowly moving to wrap around his body. If you weren’t paying attention you would have missed the words that slipped from his mouth, muffled by the contact of your skin.
“Thank you.” He muttered, his lips grazing your neck. You couldn’t help but feel confused but you didn’t dare to interrupt this moment. You pulled your body away from his, catching his eyes for a moment where you couldn’t help but notice the red that spilled into the whites of his eyes. For once, the red was not from being a Kurta, rather it was from the tears that now made a home on the shoulder of your shirt. You shuffled yourself under the covers as you gestured to him to do the same. He compiled without a word as he slipped under the covers and back into your arms. Perhaps you would talk more in the morning but for now, you held him close to you as you patiently allowed the tears to fall from his eyes. The two of you were as close as two separate people could be as your legs intertwined with each other and your arms tightly wrapped around the other's sides. You felt his head lay against your chest as you ran your fingers through his hair, noting that it had gotten longer than normal. You pressed your lips against his forehead, pressing a kiss to it gently. Your lips ghosted the skin before whispering to him a soft goodnight before closing your eyes, assuming that he would do the same. The two of you drifted off to sleep listening to the rhythmic beat of your hearts intertwining. You would ask him in the morning more, but for now, this was more than enough.