Chapter Text
Y/N had worked at the Fire Nation palace for as long as she could remember. Her family had served the royal family as maids and whatnot for generations, so it only made sense that she grew up around them, and subsequentially, their children. And also for as long as she could remember, she had had an undeniably, all-consumingly, schoolgirl gigglingly, disgustingly massive crush on His Highness, Prince Zuko.
She couldn’t even remember when it started; it was just a part of her now. As integral as breathing or firebending or… you get the picture. As reward for her family’s many generations of loyalty, they got the honor of working directly for the royal family. When Y/N was very young, her mother was a personal attendant to the young prince. And when she was old enough to begin learning basic maid duties, so about five or six, her mother would have her accompany her. This led to Y/N having many interactions with the prince, or, er, if you can consider cleaning his room and bringing him snacks and watching him play with the other noble kids ‘interactions.’ Which, five-year-old Y/N did. But that’s besides the point!
The point was, that Y/N had seen firsthand a lot of things about Prince Zuko. He kept his room tidy, but he lacked organization. He had a strong sense of right and wrong, and he wasn’t afraid of standing up for what he thought was right and standing against what he thought was wrong. He was passionate and strong-willed and full of conviction, and sometimes he let that get the best of him. But most of all, Y/N had seen that he was kind.
Working for the royal family was never an easy job, and it wasn’t even a very fulfilling one. Not when the people you serve show no appreciation and treat you like garbage—ready to toss you out the moment your performance becomes less than satisfactory. It wasn’t a very welcoming environment for a child to grow up in. And after Lady Ursa left, the conditions for the servants only worsened. Y/N’s mother made sure to keep her far away from Fire Lord Ozai, but she remembered how cruel Princess Azula was. How she’d kick and scream and hurl fire at her if she brought her her snack a few minutes later than usual, or if she accidentally moved her toys to a new place while cleaning. Prince Zuko was never like that, though. He didn’t yell at her or try to hit her if she messed up. He did have a bit of a temper, so he might get frustrated, but he was never really mean or rude. By far, he was the kindest of the royal family after Lady Ursa left, and Y/N found some semblance of happiness and contentment in serving him.
Her fondness for him only grew as the years passed and as they both grew into teenagers. You’d be amazed at how quickly gossip spreads among the palace servants, and the rumors of how cruelly Princess Azula and Fire Lord Ozai treated Prince Zuko only deepened her sympathy for him. She found herself genuinely wanting to do everything she could to make his life easier, to lessen the pain he was surely going through. While she could never be his friend or confidant, she could at very least try to rid his life of minor inconveniences. It was because of this dedication that she became recognized as a very good servant.
When Prince Zuko was banished, Y/N was absolutely devastated. She heard what had happened—him speaking out of turn, the Agni Kai, his own father scarring him for life and sending him on a wild goose chase he would likely never come back from. She couldn’t even imagine all the pain he must have been going though, and knowing there was nothing she could do to help tore her heart apart. And a horrible, selfish part of herself mourned that she would probably never see him again. She cried into her pillow for days she was so crushed, refusing to leave her room. Her mother had to feign an illness for her to save her from punishment for abandoning her duties (at thirteen she was old enough to be considered a proper maid).
Nonetheless, Y/N was a very good servant, one from a long line of very good servants, and those were becoming hard to come by. So, with her main charge gone, she was re-assigned to another very important person: Princess Azula. Life was hell serving her. The girl was a terror, and Y/N had to learn very quickly that the best way to avoid wrath was to remain out of sight, out of earshot, and out of mind, only interacting with the Princess when it was absolutely necessary. And then, it was best to remain silent, do her job, and leave as quickly as possible. Any joy she had found working for Prince Zuko had been lost, as was any hope that she might have still harbored in her heart that things would get better: inside the palace walls, in the Fire Nation as a whole, and in the outside world. The Prince returned three years later after allegedly killing the avatar, but Princess Azula wasn’t willing to give her up, so she never got to see him in the brief time before he defected.
Y/N had lost all hope of peace, and all hope of ever seeing her secretly beloved prince again. And in a way, she never did. Because when he returned in a blaze of glory with the avatar on the day of Sozin’s Comet and defeated Ozai, ending the war, he was a Fire Lord. And Y/N just knew, he’d be the greatest one there ever was.
He wasn’t the same boy she remembered serving in her youth, but that was only to be expected. He was older, stronger, kinder, happier. And while her duties as one of his personal maids were different now that he was Fire Lord, she found herself easily slipping back into the routine she had so dearly missed for all those years of his absence. Including the routine where she became even more infatuated with him with every day that passed by.
She wouldn’t say she was in love with the Fire Lord. No, she decided that it wasn’t really possible to be in love with someone who probably didn’t even know her name. But damn, did she have a big, fat crush on him. Time had only made him more handsome, and though she found him attractive while they where young teenagers, nothing could have prepared her for the verifiable heartthrob he grew into in his twenties. Or just how kind he had become. He still had that stubborn temper she knew and loved, but he had softened around the edges in his time away. While he was simply the most grateful of the royal family in his youth (which really wasn’t saying much), now he was actively appreciative. He made her feel wanted, needed, recognized. And every time he smiled that beautiful smile at her and thanked her with that beautiful voice of his she felt her knees go weak, and she inched closer and closer to falling in love with someone who probably didn’t even know her name.
It was completely unprofessional, of course, her feelings for Fire Lord Zuko, and nothing could ever come to fruition from them. She knew that. But she refused to try and uproot or ignore them. Partially because she hadn’t allowed for them to interfere with her work, and if they weren’t hurting anyone, then what was the harm in letting them flourish? But also because they had been a part of her for so long—rooted themselves so deeply in her heart—that she was afraid it would be impossible even if she tried. Not without ripping herself apart and leaving a gigantic, gaping hole inside of her. So she was content in admiring him from afar. And though she knew he could never be hers, it didn’t stop her from reveling in the sweet swell of her heart whenever he smiled, or from imagining at night what it would be like if he was.
Of course, she knew that one day, probably one day soon, he would take a wife, as was his duty. A Fire Nation noblewoman fit to rule by his side. Or perhaps even a foreign one that would strengthen the fragile bonds between their countries. Either way, she knew she would be strong and beautiful and intelligent, and they would have a family together and she would fall asleep every night beside him being held in his strong, warm arms and then her feelings would probably be considered treasonous. And on the night of his wedding she would throw herself onto her bed and cry into her pillow, as she would probably do every night for weeks afterwards, and that it would feel like thousands of little knives stabbing her heart as those well-nurtured feelings are forcibly uprooted, leaving uncountable tunnels and cracks and holes in their absence. And that afterwards her heart would probably be more made up of achingly painful emptiness than anything of substance. But she also knew that no matter how invasive the removal would be, no matter how devastating, she knew it would be impossible to dig out every last fiber of it, and that her feelings would grow anew from those damaged remnants to fill back in the holes.
Because no matter how badly it may hurt her when the time comes, no matter how salty and stinging her tears may be, she knew she would be happy for him. When he managed to find someone to love, even though that someone would never be her, she would be so very happy for him. Because all she could ever hope for was his true, unbridled happiness.
And if he wasn’t happy, then she had no idea what she would feel. But no matter what, she would simply continue like always—like she had done for the past nineteen years.
And she was content, her feelings remaining completely unknown to anyone but herself.
Or so she thought.
Though Y/N was adamant about not revealing her feelings for the Fire Lord, that didn’t stop her from admiring him from afar. And being one of his personal attendants, she had plenty opportunities to do so. Such as when he trained (hey, he needed somebody to get him water). And due to the, um, strenuous nature of his training, he usually took his shirt off at some point. And while incredibly flustering for Y/N (though she liked to think she was good at keeping a straight face), it gave her quite a lot of material for her to indulge in her second favorite hobby: drawing.
Had her family not been servants, Y/N thought that she would have liked to have been an artist. She was pretty good at it actually, not to sound too full of herself. But with the way things were, her skills were cultivated in secret, or at least, just on her free time. The palace gardens were beautiful, and she greatly enjoyed sketching out the turtleducks and all the different plants there. But on top of her more innocent drawings, she also had a secret sketchbook, one she only ever drew in when she was certain she was alone in her room in the servant’s quarters.
This sketchbook was dedicated entirely to indulging in her massive crush on Fire Lord Zuko. It was usually difficult to draw a specific person when they weren’t standing right in front of you, but Y/N had seen his face so often that it was nearly photographically imprinted in her mind. Most of the drawings were pretty innocent—him smiling and laughing took up the majority of the pages. Then there were the more indulgent ones—ones she usually felt just a little guilty about after she was done with them. There were a lot featuring him with his hair down, and while she had never actually seen him with his hair down, she had imagined it quite a lot. Not the most embarrassing thing in the world, but it still felt a little wrong to be so fixated on it that she felt the need to try and depict something she had never seen. Though, honestly, keeping the sketchbook at all felt kind of wrong—like she was some kind of creepy, obsessive stalker—but she just couldn’t help herself. And it didn’t help that he was gorgeous and made a perfect model.
But then there were the drawings that were actually embarrassing, that she would certainly combust out of sheer mortification if anyone ever saw them. They featured him shirtless, sweat dripping down his toned chest and back, based on whatever she had seen him doing during training recently. They were probably the most embarrassing and indulgent things she had ever created, and she would be humiliated beyond belief if she was ever caught drawing them.
It was one such drawing she was currently working on, after checking and double-checking that she was completely alone. She had the day off, so she figured what better way to spend it then by sitting in her room all day with a cup of tea and sketching out what she’d seen the Fire Lord do in his training session the day before.
She became very focused when she was deep into a drawing, particularly when it was one of Fire Lord Zuko. She wanted to make sure she captured his likeness as closely as possible, fearing that anything less would be a disservice to him (not that anyone was ever going to see it, but hey, if you’re going to do something self-indulgent and embarrassing at least do it right). She recalled the tension in his arms, the steady placement of his foot stance, the intense expression on his face: his brow drawn together in a fierce stare, his sharp jaw clenched in concentration, the strong bridge of his nose perfectly silhouetted in profile view, his piercing golden eyes—
“Whatcha got there, Y/N?”
She yelped, nearly jumping twelve feet in the air. She tried to snap the sketchbook shut, but her pencil got stuck between the pages, acting as a marker for the exact kind of drawing that no one on this world or the next was ever allowed to see. “A-Ayaka! What are you doing here???”
“I’m on break. Just thought you might like some company. Have you left your room at all today?” Ayaka didn’t give her time to respond, instead smirking deviously and cocking her head to the side in an imitation of innocent curiosity. “You okay there, Y/N? You’re looking pretty red. Could it have something to do with… this!” Before Y/N could react, Ayaka snatched the sketchbook out of her hands.
No. No no no no no no this was not happening. She had kept up the ruse for nineteen years for the spirits’ sakes—she was not about to be found out because her nosy best friend doesn’t know how to knock. She sprang to her feet and made a mad grab for the book, but Ayaka pulled it just out of reach at the last second. Her face burned red with shame. “It’s nothing, give it back, Ayaka!” She couldn’t hide the terrified desperation in her voice.
“Really? Well then if it’s nothing, then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I take a peek?”
“N-no!!!!!” Y/N tried to snatch it back, but Ayaka was too quick and strong for her, effortlessly holding her off with one hand and beginning to leaf through the sketchbook with the other.
This was it. Her life was over. Ayaka was going to find out, and being the biggest gossip in the whole palace she was surely going to tell everybody and then the whole staff would know and then it would certainly spread to the court and no one at court knew how to keep their mouth shut and then eventually someone would tell the Fire Lord himself and then her life would be completely over. She’d have to find a new job maybe move to a new country change her name—
Her frantic mental ramblings were cut off by Ayaka’s raucous laughter. “Oh. My. Spirits! You have a crush on the Fire Lord?!?!?!?!”
Y/N swore her face had never felt so hot in her life. “N-no I don’t…! He’s just, um, a good practice model…! Since I see him every day…!”
Ayaka gave her a smug grin. “Uh huh. Sure. And all these sexy pictures—” She waved the drawing she had been working on in the air. “Those are for practice too?”
“Action poses!” Y/N protested, still frantically grabbing for the book but to no avail. “It’s easier to understand the form when there’s less clothes…!” (Which was actually one hundred percent true but it didn’t change the fact she was still lying through her teeth about using him as a ‘practice model’).
“Yeah. Right. So I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I went and showed him?” Her grin widened dangerously, a terrifyingly mischievous gleam in her eye. “I’m sure he’d be flattered. I mean, it’s just practice, right?”
Y/N’s heart stopped, her blood running cold. “You wouldn’t dare.”
Ayaka cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, but I would. Oh Mr. Fire Lord~!”
In an act of pure desperation, Y/N tackled Ayaka. But she was too quick, leaving Y/N face-first on the ground as Ayaka bolted out the door. Y/N sprinted after her, dashing down the hall and screeching like a mad woman. “COME BACK HERE AYAKA THAT DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU!!!”
Unfortunately, Y/N’s wild desperation was no match for Ayaka’s speed and agility, ducking in and out of doors and down narrow hallways. There was no way in hell Y/N was going to just sit back and let her do who knows what with her not-so secret sketchbook, though, so she made chase, bursting out of the servant’s quarters and into the palace proper, startling a group of nobles walking by. She couldn’t care, though, as she raced down the corridor, lamps flickering wildly as she passed. “AYAKA WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO COME BACK HERE!!!!”
The sound of her crazed cackling alerted her of the direction the thief went in, so Y/N made a mad dash that way. Ayaka grinned back at her. “Sorry, but I’ve got something very important to show the Fire Lord!”
All the blood drained from Y/N’s face as a heavy dread settled in the pit of her stomach. Tears stung her eyes as she chased her through the palace. “Please!” she begged. “Please give it back this isn’t funny!”
But Ayaka didn’t pay her pleas any mind, continuing racing around and laughing. Y/N couldn’t keep up, her lungs and legs burning from overexertion. But she couldn’t just let her get away. She tracked her down to an open balcony overlooking the gardens, and who was standing a floor below in the courtyard other than His Majesty himself, Fire Lord Zuko.
Y/N shook her head frantically. ‘Oh spirits, oh spirits, oh spirits fuck no not like this have pity on me.’
Ayaka grinned back at her, the sketchbook still held tightly in her hand. “Oh, Your Majesty!”
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck he heard her and now he was looking up there at them and Y/N had no idea what to do. But wait, Ayaka had cornered herself! So, like a woman possessed Y/N tackled Ayaka and made another grab for the book. Unfortunately, she overshot, sending both of them tumbling over the edge of the balcony in a tangled mess of arms and legs. They landed on the ground with a hard thud. Luckily, the balcony wasn’t too high up, otherwise Y/N probably would have broken a few ribs, but she was still sore. She raised her head, groaning in pain, before regaining all her energy when she saw that Ayaka was still clutching her sketchbook in her hands. She reached for it, but Ayaka somehow still had the energy (and the absolute gall) to try and keep it away from her. “Give it back, Ayaka it’s mine!!! You weren’t even supposed to see it!”
“Holy shit, Y/N chill out it’s not a big deal! You just threw me off a balcony, what the hell is wrong with you?!?!”
“Me??? What’s wrong with ME?!?!?!” She seethed. “What’s wrong with YOU?!?!?! You don’t steal people’s stuff and then go tearing around the palace waving it in the air!!!! What are you, eight?!?!”
“Oh my spirits, it was a joke! Lighten up!”
“No! No I will not lighten up! I have every right to be angry!!! Give it back!!!!!”
“What, no! Not until you chill out! Get off of me!”
“Get your elbow out of my face!”
“Get your face out of my elbow!”
“I am perfectly justified—”
“I thought you could take a joke—”
“Um, excuse me?” Their heads shot up to see Fire Lord Zuko standing not even ten feet away, an uncomfortable expression on his face. “Are you two okay?”
Ayaka gasped. “Y-Your Majesty!” In her shock, the sketchbook fell out of her hand, tumbling to the ground at the Fire Lord’s feet, still open to the shirtless drawing Y/N had been working on in her room.
Y/N’s entire body filled with horror as he leaned down and picked it up. His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed pink, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish. “Wow, um, Y/N, this is…”
She sprang up to her feet, white-hot shame and humiliation burning her face as she tried with everything within her to hold back the tears stinging her eyes and threatening to spill over. She didn’t even have it in her to register and be excited that he knew her name. “I-I am so sorry…!” she cried. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned to yell at Ayaka still lying stunned on the ground. “Ayaka you’re the worst best friend ever!!!!!” She choked back a sob before burying her face in her hands and running away back to her room.
Spirits, she was such an idiot! It was only a matter of time before she got caught, what with keeping a sketchbook like that! And now her worst fears had come true and he knew! There was no way he didn’t! How could she ever show her face around him again????
Well she was going to have to figure something out, because she was still his maid, and she still had work in the morning.