Chapter Text
The rain stung coldly on Charlotte's skin, her dress and spencer were soaked and it was already scary dark, but still she walked along the beach, deep in her thoughts.
But no matter how long she delayed it, she had to tell him. At least she owed him honesty in this matter, and she herself was more than appalled at Georgiana's behavior.
But it was difficult to persuade herself to go to him.
Tomorrow the regatta would take place, an event she had been looking forward to and which was now overshadowed by the presence of an elegant, beautiful woman. Seeing Mrs. Eliza Campion today - on Sidney Parker's arm, had hurt more than Charlotte expected.
Still completely unsettled by what had happened in London and at this ball, she sighed deeply and turned towards the hotel. Charlotte knew where Mr. Parker's room was; three nights ago she had seen him smoking by the open window while he had stared at the sea.
But would he be there, or would he be with Mrs. Campion, who also stayed in the same hotel?
Or would he be in the Denhams Arms to drink with Mr. Crowe and Lord Babington?
She didn't know, but she had to try, even if she knew that it was totally inappropriate for a young lady not to be behind safe walls at this hour, let alone to visit a man who did not belong to her.
No matter how much she would secretly wish for that.
It was really late, so the alley in the back of the hotel was deserted and Charlotte was able to sneak into the hotel through a back door. From there she quietly went up two floors and to the door she thought was his.
With a beating heart and weak legs she hesitated. As she slowly raised her trembling hand to knock on the wooden door, she held her breath with nervousness and anticipation.
Sidney got up restlessly and wondered whether he should take a short walk over the cliffs. He would never be able to sleep like this, he felt tense and infinitely nervous.
The look on Miss Heywood's face when she saw him with Mrs. Campion on his arm was burned into his head. She looked so hurt, so sad and insecure - and downright lost.
Why had she stood there motionless in the hallway and looked at him in this way? And what did it mean that he didn't want to do anything more than detach himself from Eliza and go to her to pull her close to himself and wrap her in his arms?
This woman with her wild curls and her big, sensual eyes drove him insane.
Everything had gotten out of control since the ball in London. Suddenly he felt like he was losing something he had only found in the past few weeks - something he couldn't even name - and that fact made him infinitely angry.
For a moment, on that fateful evening, he had been distracted by memories - by an old dream of a possible life. He had lost sight of Charlotte and when he felt that something was wrong, she was gone. After she disappeared, the ballroom had felt much more crowded and stuffy, the sounds seemed too loud, and he had immediately felt the need to leave. Friendly, he had said goodbye to Eliza, had only vaguely answered her invitation to tea in her town house and had called for the carriage.
When he got to Bedfort Place, he had been standing in front of her door for a while, but hadn't dared to knock. There had been no sound from inside and he suspected she was already asleep, but it had been very difficult for him to retreat to his own room.
The morning after, he had hoped to meet her alone and ask her if she was fine and why she had left the ball so suddenly, but he didn't get the opportunity. The moment he entered the salon, Charlotte had rushed past him without looking at him, muttering an apology. Then he had noticed that Tom had spoken enthusiastically about the ball - about the happiness that Sidney had finally renewed the acquaintance with the woman he loved after so many years. But Tom had scolded why he had left the ball so early. Sidney's blood went cold when Tom told him that he had taken it upon himself to invite Eliza to the regatta on his behalf and that she was very happy to be Sidney's guest in Sanditon.
Overstrained by this situation, he hadn't known what to say. So he had kept silent, especially since Charlotte had hardly looked at him and had obviously avoided his company. Although Tom had urged him to stay in London, he had insisted on accompanying his ward back to Sanditon himself. He also wanted to make sure Charlotte came back safely, but the journey was very tense. During the entire carriage ride, she curled up in the far corner of the carriage and stared out the window until she fell asleep. He'd been watching her the whole time, wondering what was going on in her head. What did she think of him after all the events related to Georgiana's kidnapping?
Had she felt the same connection between them that he had felt during that one dance? And could she still feel his touch on her as he could feel hers on him?
His head turned with all these thoughts, but since it was raining heavily outside, he got up with a sigh and poured himself another glass of whiskey. He sipped the drink slowly and enjoyed the burning sensation in his throat as the liquid made its way through his body.
Barefoot, only in pants and shirt - without a tie, vest or shoes, he was just about to lean back in the armchair in front of the fireplace when there was a soft knock on the door.
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. Who would want anything from him at such an hour?
He sincerely hoped it wasn't Eliza. She had asked him to accompany her to dinner, but the conversation had been exhausting. After seemingly endless two hours, he had escaped her with a brazen lie, but he could no longer stand the gossip about London's high society.
Rather unwillingly, he went to the door and opened it only a crack. But when he saw who was standing outside, he took a startled breath and pushed the door fully open to pull a completely soaked, trembling, and at that moment really tiny looking Miss Heywood over the threshold into his room.
"Miss Heywood ..." he said, slightly annoyed, but tried to keep his face blank.
What was she doing here at this hour and in this state?
"What are you doing here? You can't knock on my door in the middle of the night, have you even thought about your reputation for a single second?”
He immediately regretted his harsh words when he saw her wince. His temperament once again outweighed the deeper feeling he was not ready for at the moment.
Charlotte had to force herself to take a deep breath. The sight of Sidney Parker's bare feet and bare neck immediately reminded her of what was under his clothes. His white shirt hung loosely around his broad shoulders and she could see the fine lines of his collarbone. She blushed, lowered her eyes, and didn't dare look around his room.
It had been a mistake to come here, she realized now. It was far too close to him.
She found it incredibly attractive to see him so relaxed and without the perfect dress code. It seemed to get closer to who he really was, and it made her heart race. At the same time, his scent hung all over this room, it was so intense that it made her slightly dizzy and she swallowed hard.
"I ... please forgive me ..., I was careful," she tried to defend herself, but suddenly it seemed as if she couldn't make a coherent sentence. "I saw something ... I mean ... I have to talk to you ... I ...".
She stopped in frustration and closed her eyes to escape Sidney's confused and seemingly angry expression.
At least he was kind enough to give her time to collect herself, which was also because he just couldn't take his eyes off her shape.
Her wet muslin dress clung to her body and her incredible curves were clearly expressed through the white fabric. Her narrow waist, the sweet curves of her hips and her legs shimmered through the now almost transparent fabric, but worse was the tight spencer which emphasized her breasts even more than usual due to the moisture. She had her bonnet in her hand, her wet hair was a tangle of wild curls, and since she was freezing, she wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She seemed incredibly small to him and his heart jumped strange.
The sight of her made his whole body tremble and a deep desire began to burn inside him.
"I was with Georgiana this afternoon and found a letter from Otis with the date from the day before yesterday," Charlotte finally managed to say, hesitantly lifting her head and met Sidney's eyes.
As expected, he was confused at first, then angry, but something else overlayed every emotion on his face, something Charlotte couldn't understand.
Without responding to what she had just said, he grabbed her arm again and pulled her closer to the fireplace.
"You're going to get sick," he murmured with a frown and a dark, harsh voice. The sound - with his hand on her arm - made Charlotte shiver. Through his touch, Sidney could feel that the fabric of her dress was soaked. Where she had just stood was a puddle of water and she was freezing cold.
"You are freezing and you will catch a cold," he growled, leading her even closer to the fireplace and letting go of her, rather unwillingly. "Why do you go for a walk in such a rain at all? We are here on the coast, where the wind can quickly increase to strong gusts."
Contrary to his rather harsh and reproachful words, his expression was worried and Charlotte could only look at him. Was he really worried about her?
An unknown worry flooded Sidney, a feeling that he had never known before and it made him forget all thoughts of decency.
"You have to take off your wet clothes, otherwise you will never get warm." His voice was almost choked with these words, he spoke quietly, but the meaning hung heavily between them.
"What?" Charlotte asked horrified, but Sidney was already going to his bed on the back wall to get a blanket.
"Miss Heywood, you shiver and you have to get out of this dress." She looked at him completely confused - she couldn't undress herself in his room in the middle of the night. Ashamed, she noticed how tense he was. His jaw tightened, his teeth were clenched, and she realized how uncomfortable the situation was for him.
"Oh my God ..., I shouldn't have come here. Please forgive me, Mr. Parker. I'll go. When your fiance sees me here ...". Charlotte turned to the door with flushed cheeks. What was she thinking?
But this time he grabbed her with both of his hands, held tightly but gently her upper arms and turned her to face him with a confused and surprised expression in his eyes.
"My what?" It came out harder than he intended, but her words made him cold inside. Charlotte winced, blushed even more, and nervously searched for an answer.
"I apologize, I was just ... your brother has spoken of little else since you found her at the London ball. He firmly believes that you and Mrs. Campion will get married this year." She hadn't been able to keep the trembling out of her voice, but hoped he'd just attribute it to the cold. But what she couldn't hide was the disappointment and sadness on her face, so she stubbornly looked at the floor.
So she didn't see the anger and confusion with which Sidney was looking at her, but when he spoke, his voice was so dark and angry that she looked up at him again.
"I swear to God, one day I will ..." Sidney broke off, breathing heavily. For a moment he looked out of the window towards Trafalger House before he swallowed and searched for her eyes again.
"That could not be further from the truth and is definitely not my intention."
She believed him, but Tom's words, which she had heard so often in the past few days, did not go away easily from her head. Although Charlotte knew that the whole thing was really none of her business, she couldn't help saying what was bothering her.
"But you invited her here - to the regatta. You two have spent every minute together since she got here ...".
Breathless, she stopped when Sidney took a step towards her. He was so close to her now that she could feel his warmth and his nearness made her tremble uncontrollably.
"Tom invited her, not me, and you were the one who accused me of not helping my brother enough. I am doing my duty to him, nothing else,” he said softly, his eyes pierced hers and for a moment it seemed as if he wanted to say more.
But he could see that she was terribly freezing because she was trembling so much, which is why he pulled back.
"Take your clothes off, Miss Heywood. I'll go downstairs and get some tea." The idea that she would undress herself in his room was almost unbearable. His heart was racing as he moved away from her, but at the door he turned back to her briefly. His eyes were illegible and his voice was barely audible. "I'll knock before I enter."
With that he was gone and left Charlotte in his room alone.
With an unfamiliar feeling in her stomach, she had no choice but to undress before he came back. The blue spencer, her dress, the stays, her stockings and her shoes. She kept her thin shirt on, although it was also wet. Then she hung her clothes to dry over a chair that she pulled closer to the fireplace, and wrapped herself tightly in his blanket.
The smell of the blanket made her almost dizzy. She sat on the floor in front of the fire and allowed herself to take a deep breath. It smelled of his cigars, his horse and leather, and something that just had to be his own scent because it was nothing she knew.
How was it possible that only his scent had such a strong impact on her? He awakened feelings in her that she did not understand and again the words of Lady Susan came to her head.
But was it possible that love was so painful and confusing, and so beautiful at the same time?