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It was the second akuma that day, and clearly a result of Hawk Moth’s anger that Ladybug and Cat Noir had defeated the first one so easily. This one was brutal-- so brutal that the duo had to leave in the middle of it to go give miraculouses to a few of their old allies. Ladybug had been against the idea at first. As much as she tried to hide it, Cat Noir could tell how scared she was about Hawk Moth knowing their allies’ identities. But there was simply no way for the two of them to handle this akuma by themselves. So Ladybug retrieved the fox, turtle, and snake miraculouses from her house to give to Alya, Nino, and Luka. Their help had proved very necessary. Viperion reported that he’d had to use eight second chances to finally get things right.
With the akuma de-evilized and the damage to the city reversed, the group set off for a secluded alley, where the three temporary heroes could give back their miraculouses with no interference from the press. But as they did so, the five heroes began talking. None of them, they realized, were quite ready to go home yet. So instead of going home, they each gave their respective kwamis some food (letting Ladybug and Cat Noir recharge their kwamis in two extra secluded locations) and met up again in five minutes. Then they took to the rooftops.
"How often do you two do this?" Viperion asked. "Just stroll around the city in costume at night?"
"Very often," Rena Rouge answered before Ladybug or Cat Noir could. "I've got all the pictures to prove it."
The group sat together at the edge of a building. Cat Noir let his feet dangle off the edge, restlessly kicking his heels against the wall.
"You sound like you're accusing us of something," he said to Rena with an exaggerated pout. "Strolling around the city in costume at night happens to be a great way to de-stress, for your information."
"De-stress?" Carapace said, feigning shock. "What could a teenager with a secret superhero identity and a crazy villain constantly out to get him possibly be stressed about?"
Cat Noir laughed. "None of those things, surprisingly." His face sobered a bit. "It's actually my civilian life that I don't want to return to just yet."
"Your dad?" Ladybug asked quietly, and Cat Noir nodded.
Carapace cocked his head to the side. "What's this about your old man?"
"Nothing," Cat Noir said, restraining his hand from going to the back of his neck. That was much too Adrien of a habit. Nino would probably recognize it, especially when paired with talk about a strained relationship with his father. "I just got into an argument with my dad earlier. I know I'm not gonna run into him when I get home, so there's really nothing to worry about, but I still don't want to be back in that house yet."
"Sucks, man," Viperion said. "You can trade fathers with me. Then you'll never have to see him." He and Cat Noir laughed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Rena Rouge asked.
Cat Noir opened his mouth to speak, then stopped as he thought for a second. It was already too much of a risk talking about his father with Ladybug, but he had to be extra careful talking about it with these three. They knew Adrien in real life-- they'd definitely connect the dots if he wasn't careful. Talking about it would be a bad idea.
But he felt the overwhelming need to talk about it anyway.
"There's not much to say," he settled for. "We just don't have a very good relationship. I'm not sure if it's my fault, or his, or both of us."
"It's not your fault, Kitty," Ladybug said, as she's said many times before.
"Yeah. I don't know." Cat Noir sighed. "I just feel like I could do something better, but I don't know what. "
Rena Rouge frowned. "Just hearing you say that makes me think he's the one in the wrong here," she said, crossing her arms.
"I don't know," he said again. "I probably shouldn't say anything else. Don't want to be too specific." He smiled. "Thanks for listening, though, guys. I appreciate it."
"No problem, dude." Then Carapace smiled a mischievous smile. "I'm definitely adding your old man to my People to Kill list, though."
"Carapace!" Ladybug yelped, scandalized, while Cat, Rena, and Viperion laughed.
"You have a People to Kill list?" Cat Noir asked with a chuckle. He knew Carapace was just joking, as he'd never heard Nino reference any such list, but it was fun to humor the idea.
"Yeah, man, and your dad just made the top three," Carapace said, his voice dark but the smile on his face still lighthearted.
Rena rolled her eyes. "That's not as impressive as it sounds," she told Cat Noir. "There were only two people on the list before your dad."
Oh. So it was a real list? Cat Noir wondered why he'd never heard of it. "And who exactly are these people?" he asked Carapace.
"Easy. First one's Hawk Moth," Carapace said, crossing his arms proudly.
Ladybug glared at him, but her eyes gave away how amused she was. "Our end goal isn't to kill him, Carapace. We just need to get his miraculous."
"Yeah, yeah," Carapace responded, waving her words away. "All I'm saying is that with Viperion here--" he clapped Viperion on the shoulder-- "we could kill him at least once. And then bring him back if you so insist."
"Hey, man, just say the word," Viperion said to Carapace, and the two laughed.
"Ugh," Ladybug groaned, but Cat Noir could see her holding back a smile.
"Dare I ask who's second on the list?" Cat Noir asked, bringing his hands to his face to mimic a child enraptured by a story.
"Also easy," Carapace said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "Gabriel Agreste."
Cat Noir's hands dropped, his eyes wide. Then he cursed himself internally for having such a strong reaction. Luckily, it didn't seem like anybody noticed.
"Carapace!" Ladybug scolded again.
"Chill, Ladybug!" Carapace laughed. "Everybody here already knows my identity. You all know I'm bros with Adrien."
"Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think any bro of Adrien would want to murder his father, " Viperion pointed out.
Carapace opened one eye to look at him. "They would if they've met the guy."
Cat Noir sighed. He knew how much Nino disliked his father. The DJ rarely pushed the issue, as it wouldn't be very nice to excessively insult someone's only remaining parent, but Adrien could always see Nino bristle at any mention of Gabriel.
"I have met Gabriel Agreste," Ladybug pointed out, "and I think he cares more about Adrien than he lets on."
Carapace shook his head. "Homeboy shouldn't have to let on that he cares about his own son. He should just do it."
"Well, that's just how he is," Cat Noir said, trying not to let the resignation show in his voice. "He's just a reserved person. You can't fault someone for that."
"Can I kill him for it?" Carapace asked, getting another laugh from the group.
Rena Rouge giggled. "You know, it doesn't even matter, anyways. Remember, Nino?" She leaned in close to him, talking in a stage whisper. "Two of the people on this list are the same person. "
As Carapace and Rena Rouge laughed, Cat Noir felt his breath hitch and his heart begin to race. Oh no. How? How did they figure me out? When? And why are they laughing about it so casually?
"What do you mean?" he heard Ladybug say, voicing his own thoughts, and Viperion looked at the couple curiously as well.
"It's nothing," Carapace chuckled. "We just have this little inside joke that Adrien's dad is Hawk Moth."
Cat Noir relaxed. So they don't know I'm Adrien. They don't know that Gabriel Agreste and Cat Noir's dad are the same person. But then he tensed again. "Why would you think Mr. Agreste is Hawk Moth?"
"Yeah, why?" Ladybug echoed, concerned. Cat Noir thought of how she'd once suspected the man of being their nemesis only to rule him out after his akumatization. If Carapace had any information that could put Gabriel back under the microscope, Ladybug would want to hear it.
Carapace shifted. "Well, since you've met him, you know that the dude just exudes villainy. Refusing to throw a birthday party for his son? Tell me you can't imagine Hawk Moth doing that."
"I can't imagine Hawk Moth having a kid in the first place, to be honest," said Viperion.
"I can't imagine anything about Hawk Moth's civilian life," Ladybug admitted. "What do you think he does when he's not demanding our miraculous?"
" Fashion design, " Carapace whispered ominously, and the group laughed.
"I think Gabriel Agreste would make much better-looking akumas than Hawk Moth does," Ladybug pointed out.
"No, no, that's the thing," Carapace, turning to face her. "It's the perfect cover. Who would ever suspect Paris' most respected fashion designer of being Hawk Moth if Hawk Moth's akumas look like children's drawings?"
"Sorry, babe, but yours was the only one that looked like a kid’s drawing,” said Rena Rouge, patting her boyfriend on the head. “Mine and Viperion’s were pretty solid.”
“Hey, wait,” Viperion said, a grin forming on his face. “Carapace’s akuma being so lame--”
“Hey!”
“--totally proves that Gabriel is Hawk Moth. Didn’t you piss him off immediately before getting akumatized? Hawk Moth-- Gabriel-- probably gave you that dorky costume as revenge.”
Cat Noir laughed. The thought of his father being so petty was somehow hilarious, even when paired with the possibility of him being a supervillain.
“Very convincing argument, Viperion,” Ladybug said, stroking her chin, “but I’m afraid you’re all forgetting something very important. Gabriel was the Collector, remember?”
“Ah, snap. You’re right.” Carapace slapped a hand to his forehead. “I forgot you guys already disproved this.”
"Well, Carapace, I have to say that I liked this theory a lot," Viperion said, patting the turtle-themed hero on the shoulder. "But, you know, as far as pizzazz goes, I feel like it was lacking."
" Pizzazz? " Rena Rouge questioned, eyebrow raised, and Viperion nodded.
"Yeah. Hawk Moth being Adrien’s dad is something, but you know what would be a huge twist?" Viperion gave a wicked smile. "Hawk Moth being Cat Noir's dad. "
"Oh my gosh!" Ladybug yelled. "Don't even joke about that!"
Cat Noir couldn't help but laugh despite how close the issue was. "You got me, guys. My name's actually Luke. Luke Skywalker."
"Hey, he's blond. It checks out," Carapace said, reaching over to ruffle Cat Noir’s hair.
"Man. Imagine that, though," Rena Rouge mused. "I mean, we've already confirmed that Cat Noir's dad is a jerk. What if he was, like, an actual villain?"
"Dude. Seriously." Carapace looked at Cat Noir. "What if you and Ladybug, like, finally corner Hawk Moth and take his miraculous, and he detransforms, and he turns out to be your freaking dad. Like, what would you do?"
"Oh my gosh, Carapace," Ladybug said, putting her hands to her head, "just thinking about that is awful. I don't want anything like that to happen!"
"Well, luckily, it won't happen," Cat Noir assured her. "My father is definitely not Hawk Moth."
"How do you knoooow? " Rena Rouge asked, dragging out the word with a grin. Cat Noir rolled his eyes. He couldn't tell them that his father had been akumatized before, obviously. That would make it way too easy to narrow down his identity.
"I'm pretty sure I'd have realized by now if I was living under the same roof as my arch nemesis," he said instead.
"Or Hawk Moth would realize that he was living with one of his arch-nemeses," said Viperion.
"Excuse me?" Cat Noir said, putting a hand to his heart in mock indignation. "I'll have you know I do a fabulous job of keeping my identity secret. My father hasn't figured me out, and even if he was Hawk Moth he wouldn't be able to."
"Yeah, you know, this hypothetical is intriguing, but ultimately unrealistic," Rena Rouge decided. "It's way too unlikely that Cat Noir and Hawk Moth have been that close to each other for so long without one of them realizing."
"Fair," said Viperion. "That brings us to the last angle of the list, though." He ticked off a finger in finality. "Cat Noir's dad and Gabriel Agreste being the same person."
Oh no. Oh no, stay calm. Stay calm stay calm stay calm.
"Well, guys, now you really got me," Cat Noir said, shaking his head in defeat and managing to keep his panic out of his voice. "I’m actually Adrien Agreste."
"Oh, please, no," he heard Ladybug mutter.
"Hey, Adrien's blond too! This one checks out as well!" Carapace said, laughing with Viperion.
"Babe," Rena Rouge said, nudging Carapace. "Did I ever show you that edit I made a while ago of Adrien in Cat Noir's costume?"
"Yeah, and you also showed me those pictures of Adrien literally wearing Cat Noir's costume," Carapace responded. "And that, if anything, convinced me that he is not Cat Noir. Poor guy looked so awkward." He turned to Cat Noir. "I feel like you two would be bros, though. I should introduce you."
Cat Noir smiled at his friend's words, but shook his head. "Probably not a good idea, since your identity is still secret to him."
“Yeah,” Carapace said sadly. “Man. It really sucks, having to keep this kind of secret from your best friend. I mean, I have Rena to talk about it with, so it’s not that bad, but sometimes I wish I could tell Adrien.” He gestured to Ladybug and Cat Noir. “It’s probably even worse for you two, since literally nobody knows your identities.”
You have no idea, Cat Noir thought, and as he turned to Ladybug, he could see her face reflect the same sentiment.
"Well, guys," Viperion said, "as much as I'd like to stay out here all night, I should probably get back home now."
"Yeah, me too," Rena said sadly.
Ladybug and Carapace nodded, then glanced at Cat Noir. "You gonna be okay at home?" the latter asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," Cat Noir said. "Like I said, I'm not gonna see him."
"I can stay out with you if you want," Ladybug offered.
Truthfully, he did want that-- very badly, actually-- but he did need to get to sleep soon and he knew that Ladybug did as well. He shook his head.
"I'll be fine," he repeated, more firmly this time. "I had a good time tonight, don't worry. Well, minus the akuma."
The group erupted in agreement, all sharing their own rants about the akuma as they made their way back to the alley to give back their miraculouses.