Chapter Text
“So this is the fourth day it’s been happening?” Kelly asked, scribbling something in her journal.
“Yeah. Just this morning a barista was full out belting ‘Aint no Sunshine’ while asking me for my order. I thought I could sleep it off, but I’ve heard twelve people sing me their feelings just today so I know there’s something wrong with me. I just don’t know what.”
“You know,” Kelly laughed, “when you finally agreed for a therapy session I did not expect this to be the reason.”
“You don’t believe me, do you? I get it, I wouldn’t even believe me, it’s just I don’t know who to go to for this and I’m banned from the DEO until I get my powers back and I don’t want Alex to worry about and-”
“No, no Kara. I believe you, this is honestly the least weird thing I’ve experienced this month so-”
“So you know how to help?” Kara stood up, excited.
“Well, I would but I don’t know if I’d be able to…” Kelly was getting ready to tell Kara there was no way she could help her but Alex was right when she told her noone could resist Kara’s puppy eyes, “Sure. I’ll help. But only if you promise to do real therapy first.”
“I thought you shouldn’t get therapy from someone in your family? Isn’t that wildly unethical? What did Alex call it… dual relationship or something?”
Kelly hesitated for a couple moments before answering, “Well, yes. But not many know you as both Supergirl and Kara Danvers. And while I can recommend you to many great therapists and we go through an NDA ordeal I know you still wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to let yourself get the help you need. I think you having a therapist is better than having none. And I know there are some things you may not be comfortable with telling me but I want you to know everything we discuss in here stays between us. In fact, I don’t think Alex knows I’m even seeing you today. So, what do you say?”
Kara frowned. Kelly had made some good points- Kara had been referred to therapists at the DEO multiple times but she avoided going at all costs. Something about showing a very vulnerable, very human side of her while dressed as someone who was supposed to be the embodiment of strength and hope didn’t sit right with her. And going to therapy as Kara Danvers the reporter would mean not talking about the trauma and hurt she went through as Supergirl and what good would that do? Maybe she could give this a shot. How bad could it be? Kara begrudgingly nodded in agreement.
“So, what do you want to start with?” Kelly smiled
“How about, I’m a superhero with no powers or purpose and now I can hear everyone’s thoughts in song and I might be going crazy?”
* * *
As the session continued, Kelly found herself mentally facepalming too many times. Kara somehow managed to evade every effort to have an actual conversation. As soon as they veered towards any subject that didn’t have to do with Kara’s newfound problem with the musicals playing in her head, Kara managed to either dismiss or sarcastically avoid giving her any real progress. But Kelly had dealt with tough patients and she was nowhere near ready to give up yet, and so she decided to change the topic to something the superhero did want to talk about.
“Okay, why do you think you’re hearing everyone’s feeling in song?”
Kara looks at her, perplexed at the change of pace, and Kelly waits a couple minutes before following up with a, “Do you think it's the universe giving you a sign?”
“What do you mean?”
“Listen Kara, so far I’ve been talking to you as your therapist,” Kelly puts down her notebook and looks at Kara in the eyes before continuing, “but I guess I now see why these dual relationships are so hard to deal with. So, now I think I’m just going to speak to you as a friend. As someone who cares about you, I’ve been… concerned about the way you’ve been acting lately…”
“What but I-”
“Please just let me finish,” Kelly holds up a hand and Kara stops speaking, nodding to let Kelly continue, “We’ve all noticed the way you’ve changed lately. Alex has been asking everyone to let you have some distance, some time to yourself. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’ve been throwing yourself into being Supergirl to avoid… other things. Any idea why you would do that?”
Kelly waits for the Kryptonian to answer but when she stays silent, Kelly continues, “We haven’t had game night for weeks and you were acting off anyways ever since everything went down with Lex. And Lex is a whole other bag of worms we need to unpack along with this Crisis and other added superhero trauma but first, I just want to know… why did you stop being Kara Danvers?”
“I have not stopped being Kara Danvers,” she scoffs, crossing her arms, “I’ve just been busy being Supergirl and-”
“And ignoring all your friends and quitting the job you loved so much and lying to your sister?” Kelly stares at Kara, watching her reaction fall from the confident facade to anger to shock to guilt.
“I haven’t…” Kara whispers, looking down to try to escape Kelly’s piercing glare.
“Come on Kara. Alex can see right through you. And she’s been so torn trying to give you some space. She told me you’ve only acted like this once before… back when Mon-El had to leave.” Kelly stays quiet after that and just waits. After some suffocating minutes of silence, Kara lets a single tear roll down her cheek. Kelly softens her voice adding, “But even then, you were lashing out weren’t you? Atleast that time you managed to convey some of the things you were feeling. This time, its just you suffering in silence. And we all know how strong you are, Kara. We all understand there are somet things that are difficult to explain and talk about and at first we thought it was because of Crisis and everything before that but I have a feeling this goes deeper. Doesn’t it?”
Kelly waits a couple beats before softening her gaze, getting up and sitting next to Kara. Kara is shaking slightly and the vulnerability her friend shows almost makes her cry. This would be so much easier if Kara was a client she didn’t know so closely and for the second time she realizes why therapists didn’t work with their friends or family. Kelly puts an arm around the younger Danvers before whispering, “You are more than Supergirl, you know. You said it yourself- Supergirl is what you do but Kara Danvers is who you are. Why are you trying so hard to erase her again?”
“It just hurts so bad being Kara Danvers. If I’m Supergirl I don’t have to feel that hurt again,” Kara whispers back.
“Why have you felt so hurt?”
“I know it doesn’t make sense because Supergirl gets beat up more than a mere reporter does but it’s… I don’t know it’s hard to explain.”
“Sometimes, it’s easier to deal with the physical pain than the emotional one,” Kelly offers, encouraging the superhero to open up more.
“Well, I don’t feel pain. My only weakness is Kryptonite remember? Perks of being an alien,” Kara laughs, shifting uncomfortably, her eyes still focused on the floor.
“Listen, I know this is hard Kara. But I also know you are so strong. You, Kara Danvers, are strong. You are so much more than Supergirl and I just need you to understand that…”
Kara tries to pay attention to Kelly. She really does try but somewhere between willing herself not to let her eyes fill with tears and trying to stop her leg from shaking, she slips into her own little world. She still hears Kelly’s voice, faintly speaking then pausing then speaking in the background. Kara tries to concentrate on her friend’s words but the her mind focuses instead on replaying the same song that has haunted her for the past four days. Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one, if you want me to . Kara fights the urge to cover her ears with the pounding sound of her heart getting louder and louder. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Kara shakes her head, trying to clear it of the haunting voice and digs her nails into her thighs to ground her back to reality.
“... small steps. That’s all I’m asking for. For you to let me help you take some small steps towards being better, okay?”
Kara stays quiet for a couple more beats before finally answering, “I’m sorry I haven’t been myself lately. I didn’t mean to worry you or Alex or anyone else. I’ll do better, okay?”
Kelly winces, holding back everything she wants to say, realizing just how hurt the seemingly strong superhero was in front of her. She takes a deep breath and responds with, “Let’s go get some food. I’ll book you an appointment to talk through more things next week but for now let’s figure out your song problem, how's that sound?”
Kara smiles looking up at Kelly before giving her a hug, “That sounds amazing. Thank you.”
* * *
Kara takes a big bite of her sandwich when Kelly starts talking, “So, I know I went off on a sort of tangent before. But when I asked if you thought the universe was giving you a sign, I was suggesting this was the universe’s way of reminding you that you can help people as Kara Danvers too.”
Kara answers, her mouth still full, “How do you mean?”
Kelly laughs, “You’ve been so busy saving everyone as Supergirl you forgot how many people you helped as Kara Danvers. Maybe, in exchange for your regular Kryptonian powers, the universe gifted you a way you can help other people to remind you how great you are as a human. Maybe it’s time to reconnect with your human friends and family.”
“So you think I should use the songs I hear to help people?” the blonde asks before taking another huge bite of her sandwich. If Kara was being honest, this was the first time she’s eaten something that wasn’t leftover junk from her fridge. Her appetite for her past few human days had consisted of unhealthy amounts of coffee and candy. Even before that, she piled up on calories only when she had to. She forgot how much she missed actual food, how much she loved the taste of actual food.
“Well, first things first I think you should reinstate game nights because we all miss you. Get back into your extraverted self.”
“I guess,” Kara really didn’t want to get back to anything but her duties as Supergirl. But she felt drained now more than ever and decided maybe a boost in friendly interactions would do her some good, “I’ll text the gang for Thursday night.”
Kelly nodded, smiling, “I’ll mark my calender!”
Kara smiled back but added so quietly Kelly almost didn’t catch what she was saying, “Do you think it’ll be weird?”
“Never. We all love you and I know Nia is going to be super excited. She’s been complaining so much about CatCo not being the same without you. Speaking of, you should take your job back at CatCo…” Kelly didn’t want to push her friend too much in one day but knew being jobless was not good for someone as Type A as Kara. But Kara froze mid-bite, clearly not liking the idea of resuming her time as a reporter. Kelly decided to reason with her, “If you hear anyone you know belting their feelings out in perfect pitch then you can talk to them. It’s a good place to start honing in on your power and helping people. Maybe it’ll help you figure some things out about yourself too?”
Kara nods, contemplating the idea before forcing a laugh, “Okay... but I think we should skip the whole CatCo thing. I mean it’s not the same with Andrea running it and I’ve been needed more as Supergirl. It’s not fair to everyone in danger if I’m spending half my time writing clickbait articles.”
“Kara, you are an amazing reporter and an incredible writer. People deserve to read your words. Besides, what are you doing right now without the DEO? We don’t know how long it’s going to take for your powers to come back and we all know how you can’t sit still for that long without doing anything.”
Kara sighs, hanging her head before looking back up, “I’ve been so busy constantly living in live musicals that I haven’t been bored enough to get a normal job. You are right, though, feeling useless is way worse than feeling powerless. But I still am not ready to go back to CatCo...”
The women eat in silence as before Kara anxiously starts fiddling with her fork, clearly thinking over an idea. “There’s an opening at that new bookstore coffee shop place I’ve been going to,” she nervously starts, “I’ve been spending a lot of time there lately and maybe what I need is something new? I can even help the barista that sang to me...”
Kelly gives her a disapproving look but Kara either doesn’t notice or completely ignores it and runs with the idea. By the end of their lunch, Kelly realizes there was no way of talking her friend out of the idea. Small steps, Kelly reminds herself. At least they’re making some progress.