Chapter Text
That Tuesday, the winds changed direction, and it was summer. It had been a little over five weeks since the 23rd reconnaissance mission and the scouts were finally starting to resume a sense of normality. It was always a new type of normal, with life never being quite the same as it had been before a mission. Whole identities could be altered by the changes in the regiment, and friendship groups were often the first to suffer after the deaths of beloved comrades, with new dynamics emerging to try and plaster over the gaping wounds left by their absence. Some relationships were strengthened from time spent together under terrible circumstances, but some would inevitably break apart at the guilt and anger at the perceived faults leading to others’ deaths.
“You should have moved to the left quicker!” Erwin overheard one young female soldier screaming at a large, burly man later on the day they had returned. “You could have saved him!”
The man had sagged brokenly to his knees, collapsing in a heap of muddy green fabric, sobbing and unable to take his hands away from his face.
Erwin ignored them. He had long decided to chose never to blame himself or his fellow soldiers, who were merely pawns in a bigger game that only he seemed to notice. It had been clear to him for years that the blame landed squarely on the shoulders of the Titans themselves, and their own corrupt government for their whatever it was he was sure they were covering up. Inculpating himself had no good impact on his own health or his ability to make decisions. And who was Erwin Smith, if not a decisive man?
Since returning and establishing his own new form of normality, the Squad Leader stuck to the same basic goal set that had never failed before to keep him resilient in the face of change. Prioritizing nurturing his own health, he always took care to look presentable and strong, to eat well and often, and to sleep dreamlessly in his quarters. When he trained, he would try to incorporate anything new he learned into his skill set. He would adjust the hold on his blades, (once even trying out Levi’s bizarre hold, but quickly discovering it just seemed frankly impossible) alter the tightness on the straps covering his body and practice his horsemanship. He also spent time watching the others train to see if they’d made any changes to their own techniques.
Watching them train gave him a good idea of their particular strengths and weaknesses. Some soldiers made for excellent frontmen. Others were perhaps better in a defensive position, depending on the specific formation he had in mind. It also allowed him to dream up some new formations for long range scouting.
His attention turned to one of their newest recruits, one who was moving with his usual inhuman grace through the trees and whose presence on the field would merit some adaptations to their current favoured formation in order to make maximum use of his incredible abilities. It was clear that the thug could at least listen to advice when it was given.
Today, Levi seemed to be purposely practicing conserving his gas. Each movement was tightly executed, each twist and turn purposeful in maintaining an angular momentum which would power the next.
Good, glad to see he has finally taken me seriously, Erwin thought to himself. He had never seen someone so naturally gifted at anything, except perhaps himself at leading and excogitating. Levi was born for this, he mused.
Even only the first time he had watched him fly through the Underground after having meticulously orchestrating their meeting, Erwin had already decided how he would marshal this man's talents. It would be a shame to leave such a weapon to waste away in a jail or be left to hang from a noose.
It would take time, but he was determined to craft the dark-haired man mind and soul into his and humanity’s greatest weapon. It would come in useful on the battlefield and perhaps even provide political fodder for the Corps. Funding the Survey Corps was never high on the priority list of the nobility. But perhaps with the right bait-
Watching Levi move as if gravity had ceased to operate, Erwin couldn't help the feeling as if his own way of moving through the air was almost clumsy and lumbering in comparison. It was nonsensical, of course. He was more than competent with the ODM, but knew he could not, would never be able to move quite like that himself. Even Mike Zacharius had been awed, and that was saying something.
Levi's talent was glorious, but Erwin had noted subtle new behaviours in the younger man that would need to be rectified. Instinctively, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was the only man for the job. Certainly no other officer in the Corps felt Levi was yet worth keeping, even despite his incredible field performance.
Before his death, Flagon had placed the blame of Levi failing to assimilate firmly at the ex-criminal's own feet, ignoring the fact that as an Undergrounder, he would have always have come to them an outsider. All three thugs naturally would have been excluded from training in the military due to their lack of citizenship.
There was a push for inclusion of people willing to join from practically all Surface backgrounds- widening the pool allowed there to be plenty of people always willing to die on the front lines- but once training was nearly complete, the subtle drive for exclusion began. The MP always wanted the ten best for themselves, but in terms of ranking the 'best', there was all too frequently an emphasis not just on ODM skill but on looking and sounding a certain way, and in one's ability to mingle within the right circles. The definition for talent was usually defined by those already in power, who had rigid views of what merit looked like- and it tended to be people who looked and sounded much like themselves.
The MP believed their exalted status derived from the complexity of their work, but really it came from the social identities of the people who had previously filled those roles that lent the occupation status. Their work wasn't difficult or challenging in any real way, at least in Erwin's opinion.
It had long been a point of contention with Nile that the lack of diversity in their ranks limited the MP's pace of change for the better. Tall, straight, well-spoken, middle-class male entities were still paramount in their society, and such men were unlikely to rock the boat, rarely negotiating or advocating for major normative upheavals and pulling the ladder up behind them, thus preventing anyone else from being socially mobile.
In essence, such soldiers valued their lives not changing too much. Diversity felt like a risk to the MP, but they had to occasionally accept people who were different, as the branch being too white and male damaged their legitimacy in the eyes of the people they served in the Interior. By recruiting the occasional woman or person from a working-class background, their inclusivity was applauded, securing their rather deficient model of diversity, while simultaneously mostly keeping the status quo.
Yet as they demanded diversity, the people in the Interior also hypocritically expected to see their soldiers mostly coming from solid bourgeois backgrounds, simply because that was what they expected to see. Too many riff-raff from Wall Maria making their way to the capital was unacceptable in their eyes.
Erwin had to admit that even within the Survey Corps, there was a distinct deficit of diversity among the soldiers who tended to make it to officer status. There was always a wide range of backgrounds among the cadets who arrived on a yearly basis, but that variety waned as one climbed up the military's social ladder, with the soldiers almost self-selecting themselves away from promotions if they suspected they wouldn't be a good fit from the get go
Those who did tended to have a higher-than average education compared to their peers who remained low ranking, and were more likely to come from richer backgrounds. However, the prevailing feeling among officers was that they got there principally due to their talent and individual merit, rather than because the system was stacked positively in their favour from the beginning.
The discussion on the dangerous myth of meritocracy was a threatening topic for many people, and even Erwin himself was susceptible to the belief at times.
Erwin continued to watch Levi as he moved nimbly between the cardboard titans he was training on. It seemed mad to allow talent to go wasted due to how someone looked or acted, and it had been one of the reasons Erwin was not yet willing to give up on incorporating Levi and obtaining his full loyalties to the scouts. The man seemed unlikely to devote his heart to the officers, but based on his history of taking in orphans and failed gang leaders, perhaps he could be convinced to feel an affiliation to the underdogs at the bottom of the hierarchy.
Erwin took a second to muse on what talent and performance actually looked like, and his mind instantly summoned a replay of Levi mid-flight, rather than the probable public image of someone such as Mike Zacharias, who fit the model well physically, if not socially. Bold new changes needed to be made to start the revolution of the corps that Erwin had in mind- by the time he reached commandership, the scouts would be a vastly different organization to the one in current existence.
Including people like Levi carried risk to the Corps; and Erwin too carried the psychological weight of the consequences if the Undergrounder failed to fit in and succeed. It was in his interest for Levi to do well; and Erwin planned on taking full credit when he did. He shifted stance, his legs heavy from having stood watching Levi overlong. When Levi landed on a large branch, he slicked back his hair and readjusted his cravat, his eyes momentarily sliding towards Erwin's, his gaze burning into Erwin's skin. The man knew he was being watched, but made a good show of feigning ignorance.
Erwin smirked. In some ways, people celebrated difference, and Levi was expected to be different from everyone and was valued for that in his own way by the men, but he was also simultaneously expected to assimilate quickly and to fit neatly within the military's arbitrary cultural codes, despite having come late to the organisation with no formal training or awareness of said codes.
The paradox was not lost on Erwin. Their systems and processes discriminated strongly against men like Levi, but knowing that the military was unlikely to change or amend any time soon meant it was instead time to fix and mould the wayward ruffian to fit into their way of life, whether he liked it or not.
Finishing his stretches in the warm sunlight, Erwin turned to go shower and finish some paperwork in his office. He had noticed that recently, more and more red tape that should have been for the Commander was ending up piled on his desk. It was a signal of things to come.
For the last two years, Erwin had subtly been offloading important decisions from Shadis and making them his own. Now, he wondered if Shadis was complicit in this. With a smirk, he strode confidently back towards the barracks, wondering if he actually had enough ink left to complete the work.
~~~
Up in the trees, Levi sat and watched Erwin Smith walking away. He had instinctively known he was being watched, and normally wouldn’t have been overly affected by the scrutiny. But when it was Erwin Smith whose eyes were boring into the centre of him, Levi couldn't help but feel an irritating need to impress the man, and it irked him. Wanting to kill him had been an easier feeling to accommodate.
A bell rang, signalling the opening of the canteen for dinner. Motionless, Levi watched as the others finished up and removed their gear before walking cheerfully towards the hall.
The recent mission had been ruinous for him. As mentally robust as he was, he had been finding it difficult to muster up any appetite for food. On initially coming to the surface Isobel, himself and Farlan had all been astonished by the idea of a mess kitchen with three hot meals a day. For the first week, Isobel had secreted others’ half-eaten bread rolls from their finished dinner trays in order to eat them in bed after curfew. Levi smiled inwardly at the memory. She had eventually been found out when the others in her dorm noticed all the crumbs in her sheets when she had been making her bed…
His expression fell, the corners of his lips curling down. He felt so utterly alone. Perhaps he would never again have such close friends - family really - with whom to share antics; to reminisce the memories of a lifetime which, despite its seemingly perpetual darkness and strife, had its good moments.
Big moments.
Heists that had gone well and MPs they had pissed off. Men who had been really very satisfying to kill.
But the best memories were the small, insignificant domestic times they had spent in their cramped home not necessarily doing much, but doing so together.
Unlike him, Isobel and Farlan had been extremely extroverted and had other friends in the Underground, usually acquaintances of what distantly-related family they still had left. Certainly they had had lovers too, though they never brought them back to meet Levi, fearing he would display his disapproval in violent ways.
There were many nights Farlan had announced he would be away with one woman or another, and then there had been that greasy-haired boy that Isobel had liked. At least he was better than the one who Levi was certain had never bathed a day in his life.
Although he couldn't quite describe himself quite as asexual, Levi had never indulged in that sort of relationship. His memories of his mother and his childhood coloured the act as a violent, frightening, and dangerous one, and he couldn’t imagine touching anyone else intimately; what if they weren’t clean? What potential partner would tolerate the insult of being asked to bathe first?
Farlan had once tried, of course, to find him some woman who smelled nice and looked fresh, but he hadn’t been interested. His preference was for tall people. Who were clean. And that wasn't to mention his other preferences....
His eyes wandered to Erwin Smith’s office window, and he allowed his mind to drift. Since returning from outside the walls, he had felt an inexorable pull towards that man. An odd protectiveness. Odd, mostly because he was fairly sure that Erwin did not need his protection, or desire it. The tall, handsome bastard had the world at his feet. How he wasn't an MP with a beautiful wife and house in the Interior was beyond Levi; maybe he really did believe the nonsense he had spouted on the field.
Levi leaned back against the gnarled bark of the enormous tree. Perhaps his mind was trying to replace the Farlan and Isobel-shaped holes left empty in his heart, and was going about it in an annoyingly weird way.
Ever since Kenny had left, he had been reluctant get too close to anyone else. Over a significant period of time, Farlan had proven himself worthy of making decisions on his behalf; he had certainly seemed to know what was best-
Until they came up to this accursed place. He had trusted Levi, and like everyone he got too close to, it had been Farlan's undoing.
Levi sighed and put his head in his hands. He felt as if he knew nothing about this world and the people who inhabited it. How could he even try to find his place alone in this strange world?
As the warm evening sun started to set, Levi stared out at the reddening sky. How long had he been sitting up in this tree daydreaming?
Realising that his ass had gone numb from sitting overlong, he gracefully launched himself out and down to the ground, then made his way towards the barracks. After dropping his gear off and cleaning it down, he noticed that card games were winding down in the rec room, and that the canteen had long been cleared and cleaned. It didn't matter; he wasn't hungry anyway.
“Levi,” a firm voice said from behind him.
Closing his eyes in exasperation, he didn't even bother to turn around, “Yes?”
“You weren’t present at dinner?” Even without seeing his face, Levi knew Blondie was giving him a stern and patronising look.
“No,” he replied, hoping that Erwin would just leave him alone.
“I’ve noticed you have been skipping meals. You won’t be able to keep up training like this.”
“Tcchh,” Levi scoffed, finally turning to look at him. “You're not my real mom.”
“Come to my office.” There was no room for arguing in his tone, nor did Levi have anything else to do. He hoped Erwin wasn’t trying to pick a fight with him over this.
Silently, he followed the blonde to the man's own personal quarters. As a squad leader, Erwin was entitled to his own office which had a bedroom and bathroom attached. The idea of having his own rooms was almost enough to convince him to be well-behave. He still found it nigh on impossible to sleep in the dorm he had been assigned with nine other men. Not that he was a good sleeper at the best of times, but his roommates seemed to all snore and toss about particularly loudly. Levi had never really been a bed sleeper and would have given much to have just had a reasonably comfortable chair to doze on in peace.
Erwin’s quarters were south-facing and newly painted, which although smelled fresh, the glaring white made them look rather spartan and cold. The door off the office that led into Erwin's bedroom was adjar, and through it Levi noticed a large bed and the usual bedroom furniture. In the office itself was a rather untidy desk, stained with coffee rings and looking in need of a good clean. Across one part of the table was a map with formations drawn on it, a few personal effects holding down each of the corners. A large bookcase stood near the window, which looked out towards the training grounds and had a pair of binoculars sitting innocently on the sill.
Levi sniffed, his nose drawing his head around to a large pot hung over the lit fire in an ornate fireplace. The room was overwarm from the sun and the fire, and there was a slight haze of cigarette smoke, the same as the smell that always lingered slightly on Erwin's person.
“It’s tea. I hear it’s your beverage of choice?” Erwin gestured towards the fire. “Would you care for some?”
Levi rarely said no to tea from the surface. He supposed it was the same way some men felt about alcohol.
“I’ll indulge,” Levi replied, plopping down on the chair on the other side of the desk. “Just black.”
The tea was fucking good.
Of course, Smith only has nice things, Levi thought, holding his cup carefully around the rim and taking a small sip. It must have been the man's own ration.
“I suppose you wonder why you are here?” Erwin prompted.
“Enlighten me,” Levi drawled.
Erwin reclined back into his own chair, eyes holding Levi’s gaze. “I know losing friends to Titans for the first time is hard. But you have decided to stay, and if you don’t want to be on the list of the deceased after the next expedition, then you need to start taking better care of yourself and build up your reserves.”
Levi snorted, folding his arms across himself. “25 years in the Underground and you think I can’t look after myself, huh?”
He was fine. There was nothing wrong with him. He had always been slim, and this behemoth of a man just didn't understand that.
Erwin looked at him with something like pity, and it set Levi's teeth on edge. “Get on those scales, then, and we will see.”
In the corner of the room stood a set of medical scales. Levi had been weighed upon joining but hadn’t been able to understand the numbers and symbols on the scale. He had heard them say 62 kilograms. Levi could certainly count, but had never learned to read numbers or letters. rolling his eyes and wanting to prove the annoying blonde wrong, he walked over to the scales, watching the arrow swing as he stepped on them.
“57,” Erwin admonished, having appeared beside him to look down at the number. “You had hardly any body fat to begin with. That is all muscle you have lost.”
Levi stared down at the arrow, wondering how he had failed to notice any changes to his body himself. How had this other man noticed? Was he watching him so very closely?
Erwin sat down at the desk and folded his hands together. “I will be placing you on double rations until your weight is back up-” Levi gawped. Erwin held up a hand, “-and you will need to sign in at the mess at every mealtime so the medics can be sure you have finished your food. And I warn you, they will be checking. You aren’t the first nor the last I'm sure to come back from a mission with no appetite for anything. But I’ll be damned if I let you waste away because you can’t make the decision to come inside and eat. Eat alone, if you like. Eat with your squad. I don’t care. Just do it.”
“Fine,” Levi growled. “May I be dismissed?”
“Not yet,” said Erwin, returning to his paperwork. Levi sat watching him.
"I'll drink all your fancy tea," Levi threatened.
"Be my guest," the blonde replied without looking up, his hand gliding pen over paper.
Somewhat taken aback by the turn of the evening, Levi stared at the strange and often creepy man opposite him before shrugging and pouring himself another cup. Beside the window with the binoculars was a rather comfy-looking armchair, and without bothering to ask permission, Levi stood and moved over to it, settling himself down and peering out into the darkening countryside where the soldiers trained. If it annoyed the blonde, he didn't say anything.
For another half an hour, they sat in companionable silence; Levi watched the sun set off in the distance and then without speaking stood to light some candles from the fire once he noticed Erwin had begun squinting down at the page he was working on.
“Thank you,” said Erwin, continuing to write in the dim light.
Tea long gone and his view out the window much reduced, Levi turned his attention back into the office and watched as the candlelight flickered across Erwin’s features. His brows were relaxed and features smooth, almost as if he were enjoying filling in sheaf after sheaf.
Finally, Erwin cracked his neck back and looked at Levi, “You are dismissed.”
~~~
Lying in his dorm that night, Levi stared at the floor of the bunk above him. Gelgar was a big man but seemed to like being in the top bunk best. Levi wasn’t going to argue to over it, but it did make it trickier to sleep, as the big guy rocked and rolled in his sleep above him, shaking the two beds at variable intervals. Not that Levi could sleep anyway. His brain kept bringing him images of Erwin Smith's face with its ridiculously huge eyebrows, skin and hair golden in the evening sun, and then bronzed slightly in the candlelight.
He tossed over onto his side.
Just go to sleep, he commanded, as if his brain might just listen and shut off. It didn’t. He had been watching me. Fucking creep, Levi thought, remembering back to the binoculars. Why did his brain seem to think this was such a delectable notion? He huffed and turned again.
“NnnHHhh,” came a sleepy voice above him. “Stop moving around so much, Levi.”
Levi rolled his eyes. He got up and quietly left the dorm. It was dark in the corridor, now being long after curfew.
I know what I want to do, he thought as he walked towards the men’s bathroom.
The men’s had several open showers, a few urinals and a couple of walled-off pits. It all smelled foul. Levi had had high hopes for the showering facilities when he had first arrived at the barracks and had been dismayed at the state of them. It was somewhere he would have liked to spend a lot of time, just standing beneath the hot water with his bar of soap.
Resolute, he grabbed cleaning supplies from the cupboard in the corridor and continued towards the men’s with a lit candle. Before entering, he decided to put a cloth around his mouth and nose, imbued with a few drops of the clove oil that some of the women used in their bathroom to freshen the place. It would at least help him tolerate the smell.
Several hours later, he paused in his efforts and looked around. Everything bleachable had been bleached. Everything mouldy had been scrubbed furiously. If it were daylight, the place would have shone. The clove oil and the candle had helped make the place smell more tolerable. Levi yawned, wondering how long it would last. Now he felt deserving of some rest. His appetite for cleaning had returned, and once back into bed, he was granted a few hours of restorative sleep.
~~~~
“You smell very strongly of bleach.” Mike commented as Levi walked past him in the mess. “Are you responsible for the state of the men's? Did you piss someone off and have to clean as a punishment? If so, please keep making trouble. That place usually reeks, although, all that bleach burns my nose so I'm not sure that's better.”
“Hmmpf,” replied Levi, receiving his double rations from the server. Although he still hadn’t forgiven Mike for smashing his face into a trash puddle, Levi could tell the guy was trying to befriend him and apologise in his own clumsy way.
He began to walk over to an empty section of long table, not wanting company. The food smelled good for once and he felt his stomach rumble. He was just cracking open one of his boiled eggs when a tray was smashed down on the table opposite him.
“Hellloooo!!” Came a cheery, loud voice. Hanji Zoe sat down facing him head-on. “Room for one? Someone put you on double rations, huh? That’s a great idea champ, you need the protein, otherwise how are you going to be able to keep doing all those crazy moves?!”
Dear God, thought Levi, as still as a statue as he regarded the mad soldier with undisguised annoyance. Why?
“So, I thought we could talk Titans,” they continued without looking a response, digging into their beans and speaking with their mouth open. “No-one else wants to talk about Titans over breakfast, but food powers my brain to think of exciting things we should be considering. Like whether Titans need a balanced diet? Where do baby Titans come from? Are little Titans just baby Titans? Do they grow as they eat? I mean I….”
“Hanji.” Levi looked at them seriously. “Stop. Chew. Swallow. Then- and only then- talk if you absolutely must.”
“Ohhhh," they swallowed and wiped their stained mouth with the back of their sleeve. "I need your help in studying them. I know that I need to catch one to study it, and I figure you are the one to do it. You know, without being eaten and stuff.”
Levi regarded Hanji in disgust as they excitedly inhaled their breakfast in between furious bouts of chatter. It was as if they didn’t really have time to eat, like it was just something that needed to be done so they could get back to talking and thinking.
Hanji, continuing to talk while oblivious to Levi glaring straight through them, suggested that he could help by writing down his own observations from field work. Eyes averting down to his plate, he felt shame rise within him at the academic gulf between himself and these surface-dwellers. There was an assumption by everyone that he was literate. How and when was he supposed to say that he wasn’t?
Without excusing himself, he stood with his tray and headed towards a nurse seated on a raised area where the higher-ranking officers would sit and eat together. The nurse had been surreptitiously watching those placed on double rations, and he had paperwork for Levi to sign once he was satisfied his plate was cleared.
“Just sign here.” The nurse pointed at a dotted line.
Levi was relieved. There was a lot of writing above it, but luckily it seemed he didn’t to have to understand it. He scrawled an “X” down and walked off, feeling distinctly overfull.
Unbeknownst to Levi as he left the hall, Erwin stood and walked over to get a look at the document his soldier should have put his name to.
“Keep this to yourself,” Erwin muttered quietly to the nurse after glancing at the document, returning to his seat and folding his hands together.
Illiterate.
His best soldier was illiterate.
Now, he thought. What to do about it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having just put on a pot of tea to brew over his fire, Erwin leaned on his windowsill while reading through Levi’s medical documents.
It didn’t take long.
The areas supposed to be filled in by the recruit were all blank, except for an “X” at the bottom of each page. Farlan’s was in Erwin's other hand and although it wasn't blank, it looked like it had been filled in by a child. The writing was large, slanted, and hardly legible, with limited grammar and poor sentence structure. Isobel’s was blank also.
He sighed and put the documents back in a manila folder just as there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Erwin said loudly, moving to sit behind his desk.
Levi appeared, expression blank as it usually was when it wasn't simmering with anger. There was a flash of something in his eyes when he smelled the tea brewing, and saw the two cups Erwin had purposefully set out on the table.
It had been three weeks since he had started double rations, and he was looking the better for it. His shoulders were wider, and it looked like he would need a new jacket and shirt soon. His face looked less sharp as well. Levi was young-looking, but now more so than ever.
Erwin gestured to him that he take a seat, and said nothing when the man made himself at home in the armchair.
“I wanted to talk to you about your double rations,” Erwin began, pouring the tea and handing Levi a mug.
From behind the rim of the cup, Levi glared at him defensively. “I’ve followed your orders and haven’t missed any meals,”
“I know that,” he replied. “What I really wanted to talk to you about is the paperwork I asked you to do with the medics.”
“I’ve done that, too. Every time.”
“I know you have. I am shown them daily.” Erwin produced one of the documents with Levi’s “X” signature at the bottom, “Read out the top paragraph for me.”
A micro-expression of fear and shame appeared across Levi's face for the briefest of moments, and the man went very still. Levi sat rigidly staring at the piece of paper Erwin held out for him to take.
“It just says that I’m on double rations and need to sign the paper,” Levi mumbled, refusing to look him in the eye.
“Anything else?”
“Not really.”
Erwin turned the document around to read it himself, "Let me read what I have written here. ‘Erwin Smith is my hero.’” Erwin pronounced, daring the clearly illiterate man to challenge him. The piece of paper said nothing of the sort, but Levi clearly didn't know that.
The slight-figured man gawped, then closed his mouth and swallowed. His breathing was so shallow that the steam from the tea rose up in an almost-perfectly straight column of vapour.
The blonde smirked. “So, you see, I know that you must be having-" he wanted to choose his words carefully, not really wanting to offend the other man. After all, it wasn't Levi's fault that he had grown up in the Underground "-difficulty with doing your reports." He finished diplomatically. "This needs rectified.”
He could see by this point that Levi was furiously embarrassed at being outed. Deciding to give the younger man a moment to compose himself, Erwin stood and walked towards the window, looking out at where some cadets were romping around with the horses.
“It’s…different in the Underground,” Levi started, clearly wanting to defend himself. “It’s not like there are schools and teachers. There’s nothing. Sometimes there wasn’t even light to read by…”
Erwin turned to look at him, not needing to hear excuses, “Levi,” he began, “you have extraordinary talent on the field. This-" he waved his hand dismissively, "-deficiency, it isn’t from lack of ability. It is from lack of opportunity. I understand that.” Erwin tried to speak gently, as if he were settling a spooked horse.
Levi turned his eyes towards him, wary of the offer of help.
“Progress may be slow as you are an adult, but I really think we can work on your literacy and get it to a good standard.”
“You don’t know that,” Levi gulped, eyes wide with something akin to fear. “I can hold a blade, sure, but I don’t even really know how to hold a pen, and...”
“You will do an hour a day with me.”
“What?!” Levi almost squawked. “When?”
“In the evenings after dinner. My father taught me to read during the evening when I was a boy." Erwin smiled at the memories from a lifetime ago. “We will start slow. There is no deadline for when you have to become literate. For all of us, literacy is a work in progress. I am still learning new words and improving my writing. There is no reason to put it off.”
Frozen in his seat, Levi was rigid with stress and disbelief.
“I will make tea every evening at seven," Erwin suggested. "We can make good use of the long days while we can. We will start tomorrow.”
“Tcch," Levi made an odd noise behind his teeth. "What, you think I'm some sort of fucking charity case? And what do you want in return for ‘helping me?’” the agitated man made air quotes as he spoke.
Unsurprised at the thug's suspicion of him, Erwin laughed. “I want a literate and educated soldier who can read the documents he puts a signature to.”
Taken aback by the laugh, Levi shook his head, “Why bother? I could die any day on a mission.”
“I don’t live life like that,” Erwin stated, sitting back down at the desk and sipping his own tea.
“You should have been an MP then.”
“Ha. I thought about it once, you know.”
“Oh?” The tension across Levi's tightly folded arms gave ever so slightly.
“Yes, when I was a young recruit in training and had a love interest who wanted children.” Erwin tilted his head back, conjuring up an image of Marie in his head. “I thought maybe I would be satisfied once children came along, once we had a house in the Interior, and I would realise that I didn’t want for anything bigger.” He paused, remembering the feelings he had briefly as a younger man.
“But then…?” Levi prompted.
He clenched a fist, “I realised that I would never be content with that. Joining the Survey Corps was my life’s real ambition, and it wasn’t fair to her to have a husband who may not have a long life expectancy. I let her go to follow my dream.” He looked at Levi. “But my dream requires me to be the best I can be. At everything.”
Levi nodded, seeming to understand that part at least.
Erwin straightened up. “I need you, Levi. I sense you will become a vital part of the Survey Corps; it's something I’ve believed since I first saw you. I will work to make you the best you can be, if you will let me help you.”
Setting his now empty cup back on the tray, Levi continued to look uncertain. "I can try, I guess. As long as there is tea.”
Erwin let out a huff of laughter, “Good. Being able to write will be a wonderful thing for you, Levi. Writing binds humanity together. You will be able to record your thoughts, compose correspondence or poems and immortalise your name on paper. Writing is how we give ourselves a history, a chorus of voices each shouting out their own version of the story." He fixed Levi with an intense, piercing stare, "Help me, Levi, to build a future where we can look back and write humanity a glorious history together."
The young man stared at him with something that spoke of inspiration and Erwin knew he had won him over. Smiling, he clapped a hand on Levi's shoulder, and it wasn't brushed off. "It will be worth the effort Levi. I'll see you tomorrow at seven. Dismissed.”
For the second time that evening, Erwin noticed Levi’s eyes betraying a flicker of an emotion other than anger or shame, but it was so short lived that it was impossible to tell what exactly it had been. Then the young man nodded, got up and left the room. Erwin watched him go, before opening his desk drawer and looking at some small children’s writing booklets he had sourced from one of his father’s old teaching friends.
At the very least, this would be interesting.
Very interesting indeed.