Chapter Text
renjun was having a bit of a crisis.
ever since that night, he couldn’t stop thinking about his two best friends in a more-than-best-friends sort of way.
at first, he thought it was just some weird type of infatuation. he hadn’t kissed anyone like that in a long time, after all. wasn’t it natural to get a little attached?
but when his “infatuation” persisted over the course of about a month, he knew he was in trouble.
he had come to the tragic realization that he had caught feelings.
don’t get him wrong, he tried to make himself believe he just wanted more physical affection or something and that it had nothing to do with jaemin and jeno. but whenever jaemin pouted at him or jeno gave him a blinding smile, he found that his heart always sped up a little and his stomach twisted in a that’s so fucking disgusting… do it again kind of fashion.
he had honestly been worried this would happen. he’s had these gross i-might-like-like-you symptoms before, but always somehow managed to shut them off before it was too late. but apparently they had just been piling up, because once he was kissed breathless by the both of them he knew he didn’t stand a chance of making it out alive.
he wanted to kiss them whenever he felt like it. maybe even hold their hands if he was feeling risky.
considering renjun hadn’t had a crush on someone in quite a while, or had a crush on two someones at the same time ever, he was at a loss over what to do. ignoring it had failed and confessing would probably ruin their friendship, so now after a month of pining he thought fuck it and opted for the last resort:
avoiding his friends like the plague and burying his feelings so deep within himself you couldn’t dig it out with a pickaxe.
it was going fine at first. he kept himself busy with classes and staying in the library studying until he felt like he was gonna pass out in order to avoid being home and running into jeno and jaemin. it was finals week next week anyway, so he wasn’t really lying about having to study. he felt a little lonely without them constantly bothering him, but whatever.
renjun was currently at the library, tucked into a desk in a corner and pretending to study art history but actually scrolling through twitter and waiting for it to get late enough that his roommates would be asleep (or super stoned) when he got home.
he did hate being apart from them so much these days, but maybe not seeing them all the time would make him stop thinking about jeno’s pretty eyes and jaemin’s charming smile. or about jeno’s biceps and jaemin’s broad shoulders. or jeno’s-
his wandering thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating in his hand. the contact name nana flashed on the screen and renjun contemplated ignoring it, but thought it might be serious since jaemin wasn’t usually one to call.
renjun answered the call and waited a second before breathing out a tired “hey”.
“ where the fuck have you been, jun? ” jaemin sounded more worried than angry, “ jeno and i have been worried about you coming home so late. ” renjun couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, and he also couldn’t help the butterflies that started flapping around in his stomach at the idea of jaemin and jeno worrying over him.
“it’s only 11,” renjun couldn’t think of a better reply. he hadn’t had a verbal conversation with jaemin in two days, so he didn’t really know what to say.
“ yeah, which is like way past your bedtime! ”
“i don’t have a bedtime, i’m grown.”
“ don’t act like you don’t sleep early ,” jaemin scolded, “ at least tell me you’ve eaten. ”
“oh,” he had sort of forgotten about that in the midst of starring in his own personal tragic comedy, “no?”
“ where are you? i’m bringing you food, ” renjun heard shuffling on the other end of the line and could only assume that jaemin was getting ready to bolt out of the apartment.
“no, you’re not,” renjun couldn’t see jaemin! not now! he was just starting to maybe kind of a little bit get over him, so jaemin bringing him food in the middle of the night even though he was upset at renjun for staying out late would not be good for his poor little heart.
“ tell me where you are. ”
“no!” renjun said a bit too forcefully, and probably a bit too loud for the library’s quiet atmosphere. it was silent for a moment before he said, “i’ll just come home.” he was too weak to resist. this was bad.
“ good! ” jaemin cheered, “ i’ll have food ready when you get back!”
“ok,” renjun sighed in defeat, “see you.”
“ bye, junnie! ” then the signature click of the phone being hung up rang through renjun’s ears.
of course he would also fail at the “completely avoiding my problems” technique.
he begrudgingly started packing up his backpack and got ready to head home.
the short drive back to the apartment was filled with endless thoughts of what if they’re mad at me and what the fuck am i supposed to say if they ask what’s wrong. renjun thought jeno and jaemin had every right to be upset with him considering he had been ignoring them for days, but there was no way in hell he could tell them about his current predicament.
he somewhat managed to calm his thoughts, knowing jeno and jaemin were too sweet to hold a grudge against him, and they probably wouldn’t ask what his issue was.
though he had just gotten a hold of himself, when renjun arrived at the apartment he almost bolted right back out.
he walked in to see jaemin and jeno sitting on the couch quietly conversing over the coffee table that was covered in various to-go boxes. he knew exactly what they contained. he wanted to throw up.
“jun!” jaemin exclaimed, jumping up from the couch. he looked like he wanted to run over and capture him in a bone-crushing hug, but he held himself back, “i thought that maybe something was wrong since you hadn’t been coming home, but i didn’t wanna pry cause jeno says not everything is my business, and even though we don’t know if there’s something wrong we ordered chinese.” jaemin glanced at jeno like he was looking for reassurance, then back to renjun.
renjun just stood there in shock. he spent the last two days avoiding his best friends even though they did nothing wrong, refused to tell them what his problem was, then acted like a bitch on the phone and yet he still came home to his favorite comfort food that they usually only ordered when renjun felt like his world was about to collapse. he did not deserve them.
“good fucking god,” renjun groaned as he forced his shoes off and threw his bag down.
he walked over to the couch and gave jaemin the hug he was waiting for, mumbling a “thanks” into his chest.
“you don’t have to tell us anything, but we’re here for you,” jeno spoke from the couch and gave him that smile. the one that said everything is ok. the one that made renjun want to melt into a puddle and evaporate.
he broke free from jaemin and plopped onto jeno’s lap, throwing his arms over his shoulders.
“i don’t deserve you guys,” renjun voiced.
“yes the fuck you do, are you crazy?” jaemin sat next to them and started rubbing renjun’s back, “you deserve like, everything.”
“i agree,” jeno said as he pulled back from the hug, “let’s eat before the food gets cold, huh?” renjun slid off his lap and jaemin handed him a pair of chopsticks.
he really needed to make a phone call.