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"I'm gonna miss you." Sam whispers to his half asleep brother, lying face down in the pillow next to him.
"You're the one who's choosing to leave." Dean mumbles into his pillow - eyes still shut.
Sam scoffs, shaking his head. Dean's been taking the news of his acceptance to Stanford, pretty poorly. It's selfish, but he still doesn't blame him. He'd probably feel the same way if roles were reversed. He sometimes feels like he's the selfish one for leaving, but he has to do this. He has to at least try, or he'll always wonder what could've been, and possibly resent Dean later on. This is for the best.
"Come on, Dean. This is our last night together. Talk to me."
Dean huffs, and rolls over onto his back, intertwining his fingers behind the back of his head.
The room is quiet. Just the relaxing chopping noise of the ceiling fan blades, circling over their heads. It's kinda nice. Sam almost hates to break it again.
"I wish you could be happy for me."
Dean lets out a heavy breath, his eyes averting to his younger brother. "I am."
Sam quickly turns his head to face Dean, a surprised look on his chiseled face. "Really?" He chuckles, skeptically. "Could've fooled me."
"I know. I'm sorry, ok? I'll just miss you is all."
Sam swallows thickly - a pleased grin spreading across his face, despite him trying to hide it. Dean doesn't usually say things like that. Sentimental isn't really his thing. Well…showing sentimentality isn't, anyway. Of course, that goes with many of Dean's emotions.
"I'm nervous." Sam blurts out, making his brother cock a curious brow.
"You shouldn't be. You're smart as fuck, I'm sure it'll be a breeze."
"Wow. Look at you, just full of compliments tonight. Who are you, and what have you done with my brother?" Sam laughs. "But, I'm actually more nervous socially than academically. I won't know anybody. Never been on my own before. And you won't be there to help me out."
"Well, I guess I could see why. We both have the looks, but I'm easily the cooler one."
"Shut up." Sam playfully slaps the back of his hand down on Dean's bare ribcage.
The two brothers always had an unconventional relationship. They had to share a bed quite often and it really didn't bother them, or feel weird in the slightest. They'd been doing so for as long as they could remember. So much so, that they stopped bothering to cover up, years ago. Shirtless and in their boxers was no biggie. Although they'd never tell anyone else about it, which is quite telling.
"It's too bad you chose to spend your last night at home with me instead of a girl."
Sam gives a curious look.
"I mean, if you showed up to the first day of college covered in hickies, it might help your social status."
Sam nods in agreement. "Huh. You're right. That probably would make me look cooler."
"You'd probably immediately be approached by douchey frat bros. They do like recruiting the pretty boys."
Sam chuckles agreeingly. Then it hits him. A crazy idea. He's nervous to ask, but considering he and Dean's especially close relationship, his older brother might say yes.
"Maybe you could help me out with that?" He looks over at his brother, both eyebrows raised.
Dean gives a confused look, shifting uncomfortably into the mattress. "Huh?"
Sam laughs nervously. "Give me some hickies."
Dean blinks in confusion quickly sitting up in the bed. "Dude……, that's gay."
Sam laughs shaking his head. "No it's not. Intent matters. If you don't mean it in a sexual way, then it's not sexual."
Dean lets a long breath out through pursed lips. "I don't know about that, Sammy. I'd be sucking on your neck. Ninety nine point nine percent of the time, that's sexual.
"Yeah, but it's usually done in the heat of passion during foreplay. This would just be you doing me a favor."
"Wow. You make it sound so natural and easy."
The way Dean's glaring at him with this extremely judgie look, makes Sam start to regret this proposition. Too late now.
"Dude, we sleep in the same bed in nothing but our boxers. That's not normal either. Nothing about our life is normal or conventional."
Dean rubs the bridge of his nose, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Well, ya got me there." He lets his arms fall at his sides. "Okay."
"Thank you." Sam slides further down the bed, turning his head away from his brother to help expose his neck.
He wiggles his toes nervously, feeling Dean's bare chest press against his. Sam finds himself breathing in deep trying to catch his brother's scent. He realizes quickly that that's a strange thing to do, but the smell of spiced body wash and deodorant catches his nostrils and he's disturbed by how much he likes it. It smells warm and musky - comforting even.
Soon warm lips come down over the skin on the side of his neck, followed by wet, sticky saliva, and the slight sting of teeth.
A warmth pools in Sam's lower belly, as his big brother sucks his skin between his lips. Is this normal? He feels like it isn't, and he has this strange desire to wrap his hand around the back of Dean's neck. But that would definitely be weird.
His brother's wet lips leave his now burning hot skin for a moment, only to come down on the other side of his neck, sucking him into that hot mouth once again.
Sam's body constricts underneath Dean. He feels so dirty because it feels good. Really really good. Better than it ever did with anyone else. His nipples harden. His skin prickles, and he audibly gasps when he feels the warm tightening in his balls.
"Fuck." He mouths silently.
Dean'll be done soon, and Sam doesn't want it to stop.
His hand comes down on the nape of Dean's neck, massaging it gently, starting to lightly tug at his brother's hair, making Dean suddenly pause. His lips slowly let go of Sam's tight skin- a string of spit connecting them.
Sam's cheeks burn with embarrassment. What was he thinking?
"Sammy?" Dean looks down at him - a concerned and confused look on his face.
Sam doesn't know what to say. He presses his lips together tightly, staring into those worried green eyes above him.
"I'm sorry." He finally blurts out. "It felt good, and holding onto your neck was just instinctive. I'm sorry…" He chokes on his words.
Dean moves down off of him, lying back down on his back next to him. He clears his throat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have agreed to do it. This is inappropriate, and I'm the older brother. I should've known better. It's ok. Let's just go to sleep and when we wake up, this never happened." He flashes his little brother a fake smile and rolls over onto his side.
Sam is mortified. He wants to sink into the mattress like Johnny Depp in A Nightmare On Elm Street, and never come back.
He feels like the two can never come back from this and things'll be weird between them from here on out. The thought of it kills him. They may as well just resolve it now.
"Dean?" He whispers, seeing his brother physically tense up at the sound of his name.
"What is it, Sammy?"
"I swear that when I asked you to do that, that I didn't mean it like that. It wasn't until you did it that….that I got…" He clears his throat. "Weird feelings." He finally chokes out.
Dean turns to look over his shoulder at Sam - his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he gulps.
"Kiss me." Sam blurts, making his brother's eyes widen in shock.
"Sammy…" He says with concern in his normally gruff voice - his eyes like saucers.
"I'm leaving in the morning anyway, and you won't have to face me for a while. You always said you'd do anything for me, and right now, I really really need you to kiss me."
Dean stares at him blankly over his shoulder.
Sam lets out a huff, realizing that this is definitely a one way street.
"Okay." Sam nods, rolling over on his side, facing away from Dean. The good news is, he leaves tomorrow and won't be around for the awkward tension between him and his big brother.
His fingers curl into the edge of his pillow as he tries his best not to cry. He doesn't even know how this happened. How could he go from simply wanting a favor from Dean, to having this yearning need to kiss him? Getting hickies feels good, but it doesn't suddenly make you attracted to the person giving them, especially if that person is your big brother. Had he had feelings for Dean this whole time, and just didn't realize they were romantic until now? How could that be?
He's startled out of his pondering when suddenly the bed shifts with a squeak and big strong arms come down around him, pulling him into his brother's warm body.
Hot lips brush against his ear making him shudder in Dean's arms.
"If I kiss you, you won't leave." Dean whispers softly in his ear. "You'll stay, and throw your future away, and I can't have that. Yes, I was pouting but deep down, I knew it's what's best for you."
Sam rolls over to meet his brother's gaze, putting a gentle hand on Dean's bare shoulder. "I won't. I promise. I'll still leave tomorrow. I swear. Just please." He pleads, pressing his forehead against his big brother's - their noses touching - lips barely apart. "Kiss me, Dean."
Dean puts his hand on the side of his baby brother's face, running his thumb along the high cheekbone beneath it.
Sam's surprised to see Dean like this. His big brother isn't exactly known for his tender moments. He always had this tough machismo attitude, but Sam guesses his soon departure just has Dean feeling sentimental. The two have never been apart. It's pretty normal, Sam supposes.
Finally warm, wet lips press into his, starting slow at first, like Dean's just trying to get the feel of it.
Sam's somehow able to give a satisfied grin through the kiss, even as his brother's tongue pushes past his lips. Dean always was such a sucker for his baby brother. Couldn't ever deny him anything. Not even an incestuous kiss apparently.
Dean's tongue washes over his so nicely. Gentle and languid. Filling his mouth with warmth, and a delightful tingle in his belly.
Sam shifts over on his back, trying to pull his brother on top of him, but Dean puts up a resistance, shaking his head as he breaks the kiss.
"This is all I can give you right now, Sammy."
Sam furrows his brow in disappointment and confusion.
"If we go any further, you'll stay, and don't say you won't, because it'll be a lie."
Sam swallows hard, nodding in agreement. He knows it's true. If Dean makes love to him, he'll never leave his side.
Dean runs his hand down his face with a sigh and the two spend a moment just lying there in the silence.
Sam squeezes his brother's hand lovingly. He wants so badly to drape himself over Dean's chest, but that's dangerous, because it'll lead to more kissing, which will inevitably lead to hand jobs, and probably end with Sam getting fucked into the mattress, and staying by his big brother's side till the day he dies.
So instead, he lets go of Dean's hand, and gives a mischievous grin. "Good night, jerk." He sneers.
"Sweet dreams, bitch." Dean smirks rolling over onto his other side.
Sam chuckles and rolls over too, smiling uncontrollably into the dark. He'll rest a lot easier now that the elephant in the room has been addressed.
He didn't even realize how tired he really was till just now.
He pulls his legs up into his chest, letting out a deep sigh, allowing his heavy eyes to finally close, and sleep envelopes him like a heavy, blissful cloud of eternity.