Chapter Text
group chat: swifties assemble v;;v (4 members)
hyuck: okay i know you won’t believe this
renjun: you right we won’t
renjun: tell us anyway
hyuck: idk how to start this
hyuck: you know how i’m broke right
jeno: no i mean it’s not like that’s the only damn thing you talk about all day
hyuck: uncalled for jeno
hyuck: anyways
hyuck: so i’m a millennial right
renjun: aren’t we gen z
hyuck: as i said, i’m a millennial
hyuck: and i can’t live without wifi
jaemin: we know all of this please just come to the point you’re distracting renjun from watching a movie with me
jeno: sure thing as long “watching a movie” means doing some freaky shit like sucking toes or whatever it is that you’re into
renjun: jeno for the last time jaemin is a prude :/
hyuck: GUYS
hyuck: focus on me for on second
hyuck: so basically, you know my neighbor right
jeno: donghyuck if this is another one of johnny seo’s sex stories, we could literally care less
renjun: speak for yourself, have u seen a butt that marvelous before
renjun: weren’t it for the fact that he’s totally straight and that i’m dating jaemin, i’d totally bone him
renjun: now that i think about it, at least on of these things wouldn’t actually stop me from doing so
jeno: james charles tease
jaemin: that is so not what he was talking about and you know that lee jeno
jaemin: plus, i would leave renjun for hyuck’s hot neighbor too this isn’t news to anyone
renjun: you wouldn’t baby
jaemin: okay i wouldn’t
hyuck: normally i’d totally be here for this clear assert of dominance but seriously, this is important
renjun: enlighten us then
hyuck: my spotify premium was running out and i literally don’t have any money for another month
jeno: hyuck i can give you ten dollars
jaemin: let the man speak
jaemin: i won’t give you any money btw
hyuck: lovely
hyuck: basically i need music you all know this
hyuck: but
hyuck: my spotify doesn’t work
hyuck: and i gave my record player to taeil because i’m basically (platonically!!) in love with him and he really needed one
hyuck: and my laptop doesn’t have a thing to take cds bc it’s just THAT old
hyuck: what do i do?
jeno: ask me for money
jaemin: get a job
renjun: start selling feet pics online
hyuck: i love that all of these messages show very well each of you guys’ personality
hyuck: but, as smart as i am, i did none of the above
hyuck: also jeno fuck you i literally have a job
jeno: you babysit donghyuck :/
jeno: occasionally
hyuck: at least i don’t pine after people for a year without telling them
jaemin: HHHH
renjun: WGJCKXJAHJDKD HYUCK YOU DIDNT
hyuck: you know damn well i did
hyuck: n e ways give mark a kiss from me when you see him next time
hyuck: back to my story!!
hyuck: basically you all know how i’m kind of a shitty person right
jeno: oh are you really haha i had no idea
renjun: you’re not that bad
renjun: i mean we all go to hell for being gay anyways so why not give her a few more reasons to not let us in
jaemin: you talk about god like you know her personally
renjun: what if i did
jaemin: tell her that if i go to hell she’ll better send down my fucking dog bc i miss that bitch
hyuck: this is wholesome
hyuck: but
hyuck: MY STORY
jeno: just cut to the chase
hyuck: okay rude
hyuck: just know that next time you’re coming over to my place you’re gonna have wifi :)
jaemin: wait what?????
renjun: hyuck: i’m broke
renjun: also hyuck: anyways here have wifi i suddenly can afford
renjun: be honest do you have a sugar daddy
jaemin: if so can he give us money too i can’t live off instant pho and takis anymore i’m very close to losing my chiseled rock-hard abs
renjun: baby… no words
renjun: also i think i’m kinda into chubby you
jaemin: wait rlly
jeno: don’t elaborate thank you very much
jeno: but yeah hyuck how can you have wifi ?
hyuck: johnny
renjun: sex god johnny gave u his wifi password?? maybe god IS a lesbian
hyuck: i’d say she’s more of an ally, we don’t wanna exaggerate
hyuck: and no, he did not
hyuck: i figured it out with my own genius
jaemin: and exactly HOW did u do that
jaemin: noah fence
renjun: ^
hyuck: just so you know i’m definitely taking offense to that
hyuck: but i will tell you as that is the sole reason i texted you roaches in the first place
jeno: we love you too
hyuck: aw you do?
hyuck: that’s too bad bc y’all SUCK
hyuck: anyways i saw his wifi getting recommended to me and the connection was actually pretty solid meaning that if i could leech off of him i wouldn't have to worry about music again bc i could actually use youtube!!
hyuck: so what does genius hyuck do?
jaemin: renjun just snorted SO LOUDLY ADJKXJSHS
renjun: how couldn’t i
hyuck: i’m just gonna ignore tha luv
hyuck: i guessed his password completely randomly
hyuck: as in i put my name
hyuck: and
hyuck: i got it right
hyuck: :D
jeno: come again?
jaemin: he’s lying
renjun: i second that
hyuck: i’m literally not
hyuck: if i was i wouldn’t be listening to kiss you by one direction on yt now would i
hyuck: IF YOU DONT WANNA TAKE IT SLOW AND U JUST WANNA TAKE ME HOME
renjun: this is impossible
renjun: give me one (1) reason why we should believe you
hyuck: don’t have a reason lol i’m just happy that i have wifi
hyuck: ok bye i’ll text taeil :3
jaemin: NO WAIT WJXKDGJDKGH
jaemin: WHY WOULD HE PUT UR NAME AS THE PASSWORD
jaemin: oh i had caps on
hyuck: idk
renjun: was it simply “donghyuck”? or “hyuck”??
renjun: this is so wild wtf does he like you or sumn
hyuck: 1) donghyuck 2) thot about asking him but i wanna keep my wifi so… oops
jeno: understandable :/
jeno: still, you should ask him
jeno: or like ask him out?? what do u have to lose
hyuck: nah not interested
renjun: literally what
renjun: what is wrong with you
jaemin: the look injun just gave me hjxkxjsd what he would give to b in ur shoes
hyuck: well i think if he’s not straight he’s like
hyuck: not out??
hyuck: and i hear him have sex all the time
hyuck: with women
hyuck: so it would only make sense if he thinks i assume he’s straight
hyuck: and i don’t wanna make things complicated
hyuck: also i?? don’t like him?? lmao
jeno: ok i get that
renjun: i don’t
renjun: don’t matter if u like him omg that guy is so fucking hot
renjun: just. idk hit and run?
jaemin: you’re so messed up baby why am i with you
renjun: I love you
jaemin: what
jeno: renjun confessing his love for the first time in a group chat? more likely than you think
hyuck: ok so i think they’ll be gone for a while then.. um
hyuck: i don’t like johnny like that
hyuck: he’s kinda cute and all but i don’t think it would work and i can’t just have sex with him and pretend nothing happened afterwards bc he’s my neighbor and that’s really fucking rude
jeno: i agree with that :/
jeno: you should still talk to him about it
jeno: i wish mark would talk to me because i’m so shy but he doesn’t know bc he’s so oblivious
hyuck: i’m meeting him tomorrow, you could come?
hyuck: although idk if your heart can handle him speaking french lol it’s honestly kind of attractive
hyuck: that reminds me, last time we talked about you and he said he found it cute how you asked him if he was french ahdjcjshd
jeno: how was i supposed to know he’s canadian T___T
jeno: he said it was cute?? like did he actually use that word
hyuck: 야 이제노
jeno: agxkshxdksjj
hyuck: gay
hyuck: so you wanna come
jeno: idk
jeno: i don’t wanna annoy him
hyuck: i WILL maim you
jeno: okay okay fine anxcjkcjss
jeno: back to the johnny thing
jeno: please ask him the moment you think it could work
jeno: or when you have enough money for own wifi
hyuck: okay, i will
jeno: promise me
hyuck: i promise
hyuck: how you think they’re doing lmao
jeno: i think they’re back to toe sucking business
renjun: ugh i wish
jaemin: i love rejnun
renjun: and i love jamein :3
hyuck: wbk
hyuck: congrats tho
jeno: don’t text us when you’re having sex
jaemin: we’re CUDDLING OH MY GOD
renjun: or are we..
jaemin: babe :((
hyuck: i should find out johnny’s netflix password
hyuck: jkjk
hyuck: unless??
renjun: i bet he’s watched all of the l word
renjun: he just gives me that vibe
renjun: lesbian king
jaemin: stop projecting
renjun: stop sleeping with socks you fucking demon
jeno: why am i emotional
jeno: ilu guys
hyuck: come over we can illegally stream the 1d doc now
hyuck: you know bc i have wifi now
hyuck: also jaemin? you come from the same bloodline who puts milk before cereal
jaemin: my feet are SENSITIVE
renjun: exactly :/
jeno: i changed my mind i hate all of you so much
jeno: i’m in for 1d tho so..