Work Text:
Phil scanned the email for the third or fourth time as its contents started to sink in. It had appeared in his inbox at 4pm on an uneventful Tuesday, and for a moment it had seemed so outlandish that he'd almost moved it straight into his junk folder. But something made him look again, and he realised it was actually legitimate.
Adrenaline coursing through him, he grabbed his phone. There were no messages from Dan, so he probably hadn't seen his own email yet. He fired off a text.
Phil: !!!!!!!! :o :o :o
Dan replied only moments later.
Dan: what??
Phil: did u get ur invite to the xacti thing??
Dan: no? what thing? what's xacti D:
Phil looked back at the email. It had been sent to him individually and didn't mention the other attendees, so he had no idea if they had even been invited yet.
Phil: yours just probably hasn't come through yet. wait for it! so exciting! :D
Dan: nooooooo tell meeeeeee
Phil: it's a surprise :P
Dan: phiiiiiiil!! :_[
Phil: hehehehe just you wait ;)
Dan: you're so mean :c
Phil: it'll be worth the wait I promise <3
By the time Phil had finished editing his latest video and helped his mum with the groceries, it was dinner time and he hadn't yet had an overexcited text from Dan. After dinner, he got onto Skype as usual.
"I haven't had any emails today," said Dan without preamble. "What did you get?"
Phil hesitated. Part of him wanted to wait, to let Dan discover the news when he got his own invite, but he also wanted to share his excitement. His impulsiveness won out.
"It was an invite from a camera company. They want YouTubers to take their new waterproof camera on a trip and test it out. All expenses paid."
"Oh, nice! Where to?"
Phil paused for effect.
"Jamaica."
"No way!" Dan's hands came up to cover his mouth. "Oh, my god. That's incredible!"
"I know!" said Phil, beaming. "It's crazy! I thought it was a wind-up at first."
"It definitely isn't?"
"It definitely looks real," said Phil. "There were links to the official website about the camera and stuff. Apparently it works when it's fully underwater, including sound, so they want us to do all these watersports, and boat trips, and activities on the beach and stuff, and make videos using it."
"That sounds amazing," said Dan, sounding slightly wistful. "You're gonna have the best time."
"We're gonna have the best time," said Phil. "Obviously they're gonna ask you as well."
"I mean, they might not," said Dan. "I'm nowhere near as popular as you, or lots of other YouTubers. Who else is going?"
"It didn't say," said Phil. The bubble of happiness he'd been feeling started to deflate. Surely they'd invited Dan as well?
"I'm really happy for you," said Dan, smiling. Phil could tell he meant it genuinely, but he could also hear the disappointment in his voice. They'd shared everything they could together since last year, and in recent months had even been able to take a few holidays together. He’d found he loved travelling with Dan just as much as he did doing everything else with him, and couldn’t imagine this would be any different.
They talked into the small hours as usual, and while their conversation and laughter flowed as easily as it ever did, Phil could tell that Dan was a little subdued, and as the hours ticked by with no sign of the email they were both waiting for, he started to feel it, too.
The next morning, as soon as Phil woke he checked his phone. There were two messages from Dan, and for a moment his heart leaped at the word email, until he read them properly.
Dan: morning bby <3 hope you had good dreams ^_^
Dan: no email btw :c
He replied gd morning, don't worry it's still early! ily <333 and dragged himself out of bed.
He reread the email from Xacti while munching on toast. He hadn't yet officially accepted their invite, and by the time he’d finished eating had formulated a response in his head.
In his reply, he politely expressed his interest, and asked about who else was going on the trip, emphasising his question specifically about the UK YouTube community, hoping they’d take the hint and let him know all of the other invitees.
He received an overexcited reply from them very quickly, saying how thrilled they were to have him along as the number one UK YouTube creator, and dropped the names of a few of the other attendees, none of whom were from the UK. Phil had heard of about half of them, and didn’t know any of them personally. He replied again, asking specifically if Dan had been invited.
The reply was quick to arrive once again, chirpily advising him that all the places were taken and unfortunately, Dan wasn’t on the list. Phil’s stomach lurched.
Reading their reply again, he felt torn in two. He wanted to go, obviously, and he was sure Dan would be supportive about it - but he couldn’t imagine doing it without him. He hated the idea of Dan sitting alone at home while he swanned about in Jamaica with a bunch of YouTubers he didn’t know.
And it wasn’t just about him wanting his boyfriend with him on the beach. They’d be working there, not just being tourists - Dan had been working so hard on his videos, and deserved the opportunity as much as Phil did. He’d no doubt approach this project with the same enthusiasm he did his usual stuff, and would make great content for them.
And, okay, maybe it was a little bit him wanting his boyfriend with him to watch the glorious Jamaican sunsets, but who could blame him?
Images of their evenings in Portugal flitted through Phil’s mind as he composed another reply.
In it, he sent them the link to Dan’s channel, being sure to emphasise the number of subscribers he’d gained so quickly since starting the previous year. He continued by saying that if they were serious about their international audience they should consider him, and that as they frequently posted popular collabs, their videos for Xacti were sure to attract more views if they made them together.
Wondering if he wasn’t laying it on a bit thick, Phil swallowed as he typed and re-typed his final sentences, saying he would most likely decline their kind offer if he was asked to go alone, as he and Dan were working on ongoing projects together. Which wasn’t entirely untrue, but they didn’t need to know it wouldn’t be a problem for him to take off for a week if he needed to.
Heart beating fast, he read through it one last time and sent it.
Nerves coursed through him for the rest of the afternoon, and he found it impossible to concentrate on anything. The reply from Xacti was taking a lot longer than usual, and part of him expected a polite refusal to add Dan to their fixed number of attendees.
He’d googled the resort they’d told him he’d be staying at, and it really was stunning - right by the beach, with airy, light rooms. He could already picture it in his head - amazing food, white sand, blue skies, warm sea, the sun on his skin - and Dan thousands of miles away. The thought made his stomach twist unpleasantly.
In the end, he heard from Dan before he heard back from Xacti.
Dan: I GOT THE INVITE!!! :D :D :D OMG JAMAICA!!!!!
Phil’s grin was so wide it was almost painful as he called him. Dan answered with a delighted “woohoo!”, and Phil laughed.
“I told you it was just late!” he said, relieved they’d decided to add an extra person. “They were probably sorting out their lists.”
“I guess so,” said Dan, sounding breathless and happy. “I cannot. Fucking. Wait.”
“I was looking at the resort earlier. I’ll send you the link.”
Phil scrolled through the photos again himself, the line momentarily silent as Dan loaded the page.
“Holy shit! This place looks amazing! Is it right on the beach?”
“I think so,” said Phil, still smiling. Now he knew they were both going, the initial excitement he’d felt returned full-force.
“Wow! And, look, they have waterskiing, and jetskis, and - ooh, a banana boat!”
“And it’s all-you-can-eat.”
“You’re joking!” said Dan. “Shit, better get started on that cabbage soup diet right now.”
“Who, me?” said Phil.
“No, idiot, you’re perfect as you are,” said Dan. “I mean me. I don’t fancy parading my love handles all over Jamaica.”
Phil paused for a moment, I love your love handles on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to say it, but it might also make Dan feel like he was confirming he had them. It wasn’t true, anyway - Dan didn’t even have love handles, really, just sometimes a bit of excess on his belly that betrayed his love of pizza and hatred of exercise. Phil thought it was cute. Dan hated it.
“You don’t have love handles,” he settled on, in the end. Dan huffed in disbelief.
“Did you find out who else is going?” he said. “They’re not all, like, buff life coaches or something?”
“I don’t think so,” said Phil. “Just YouTubers. I don’t actually know what they look like.”
“Hmm,” said Dan. “Well, maybe we’d better wrap this up so I can go and do four hundred sit ups.”
“Could you even do four?” said Phil.
“Ouch,” said Dan. “Obviously not. Maybe I’ll just get one of those electrode things, and wear it while I’m playing Halo.”
“They haven’t mentioned travel yet,” said Phil, trying to distract Dan from his body image spiral. “I assume they’ll book it all?”
“Probably?” said Dan. “I don’t know. I’ve never been on a trip that’s all paid for before. Well, except by my parents, I guess. Though I suppose this is pretty similar - they’ll just tell us when and where to turn up, right?”
As it turned out, it was pretty similar to trips booked by their parents - a few days later, both of them received an email with travel details and flight itineraries (no business class :c, texted Dan). Phil grinned at a note from Xacti apologetically asking him if, because Dan had been added last minute, would they mind doubling up in his room?
It wasn’t as though they couldn’t have visited each other’s rooms if they had been separated, but Phil truly loved staying with Dan. They’d been incredibly lucky so far this year in getting to go to Portugal and California together; even Blackpool, while a bit of a washout as a holiday, had been their first time away from home with their own room to themselves. Now they’d get a room of their own in Jamaica, and wouldn’t have to worry about sneaking back and forth around all the other attendees.
When Phil walked into the airport a few weeks later, Dan behind him, everything still felt oddly unreal. It had from the moment he’d shaken Dan awake at some ungodly hour that morning to begin their journey, and he still felt like once he got to the check-in desk, the staff would tell him it had all been some huge joke and someone would leap out with a camera to film his reaction.
But soon enough they were checked in, through security and sipping coffees, waiting to board.
The journey was uneventful - at arrivals in Jamaica, Dan grabbed Phil’s elbow and pointed at a driver in sunglasses stood holding a placard with their names on it. After exchanging a look of glee, they introduced themselves and were off to the resort.
Their first day was a casual one, light on activities, as people arrived after long journeys and settled into their rooms. The only item on the agenda for the day was a mixer in the evening to get to know their fellow attendees, so once they were unpacked and showered, they headed across to the restaurant and stood slightly awkwardly on the periphery of the group, fruity cocktails in hand.
Soon enough, the organiser of the trip worked his way around to Dan and Phil. They all shook hands, exchanged names, and he welcomed them to the resort. They muscled their way through the small talk about the room, the length of their flight, the weather in Britain.
“How many are in the group?” asked Dan, taking a sip of his drink.
“Oh, it’s still ten,” he said. “They really wouldn’t budge on the number of slots.” He grinned at Phil. “They must have agreed with you about Dan here! Good shout.”
Phil could almost feel Dan’s gaze burning into him like Sauron’s.
“But we were asked to double up in the room?” Phil said. “Because there was an extra person.”
“Oh, nah, the guy Dan replaced was already sharing with someone. We couldn’t get any extra rooms, unfortunately, and the places on the tours were all booked.”
“Oh,” said Phil, stomach sinking.
“Well, enjoy the evening, guys. We’re going to have some icebreaker games later, so grab something to eat before then.”
And then he was gone, already shaking hands with the next person behind them. Phil turned to meet Dan’s expectant expression. Wordlessly, he moved away from the chattering group to a secluded corner. Dan followed.
“I didn’t know they’d uninvited someone else,” Phil said quietly, once they were out of earshot. “They never said. I just thought they’d added you as well.”
“What did you tell them about me?” said Dan, frowning slightly. “Was I not supposed to come?”
“You weren’t on their list originally,” said Phil, trying to sound casual. “But I just thought maybe they’d overlooked you, so I pointed your channel out to them. It wasn’t, like, a big deal or anything. It was still their decision to invite you once they saw your stuff.” He took a large mouthful of his sweet, rapidly-warming drink.
“Really?”
“Yeah. You deserve to be here, Dan.” He paused. “And anyway, I told them that I wouldn’t come if they didn’t invite you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Basically.”
Dan’s expression was a mixture of surprise and confusion, as if he was trying to figure out if he was annoyed or not.
“I can’t believe you said that to them,” he said, a smile creeping onto his face.
“Well, like I said, you deserve it. And it was a bit selfish as well, you know. I wanted to come here with you. It wouldn’t have been nearly as good on my own.”
“I feel bad for whoever got bumped. Genuinely,” said Dan. “But I’m not gonna lie, I’m really glad I’m here with you.” He pulled Phil into a brief hug; Phil felt the little umbrella in Dan’s drink poking him in the shoulder.
“Thank you,” Dan whispered, before pulling away briskly.
A few days later, after a jam-packed week filled with activities, social events, filming and excursions, Phil found himself drifting on the ocean in a two-man kayak. Dan was sitting behind him, filming; they’d rock-paper-scissored for who’d have to paddle and Phil had lost. It wasn’t so bad, though, he thought, idly propelling them forward through the water. It was nice to finally be away from the constant noise of speedboat engines and shouting vloggers, even if they were still nearby.
Phil tried to imagine doing this alone, and found he couldn’t. The thought of someone else, a stranger, sitting behind him in the kayak making awkward small talk was bad enough, let alone the idea of Dan alone back in England.
He still felt a pinch of guilt over the person who’d been bumped for Dan, but he hadn’t known that had happened until they’d arrived. He’d genuinely believed Dan had been an extra addition to the group. If he’d known in advance, it was likely that he and Dan would both be sitting at home right now.
Something about the knowledge they’d both have refused sat warmly in Phil’s gut. He’d already had quite a few offers since becoming moderately successful on YouTube that had turned his stomach. Not even creepy or lewd (though there had been a few of those), but offers and deals that would have meant screwing people over, even in small ways. Refusing them might mean he’d climb the ladder more slowly, but deep down he wondered if one day, a certain amount of ruthlessness might be necessary to protect themselves, if nothing else. He hoped it wouldn’t, for both their sakes.
Squinting out at the intense blue of the sea, waves lapping against their kayak, Phil thought of how happy Dan had been to come, all the plans and ideas they’d come up with this week. How fearlessly he’d leaped from the highest cliff. (Even if Phil had thought he was slightly insane.) And, of course, how happy he himself was to be here. This whole experience had made his YouTube career feel real and legitimate in a way it hadn’t previously; even his parents had been impressed when he’d said a major camera company was sponsoring his trip. Given all of it - and despite the unknown YouTuber sitting disappointed at home - he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about it any more.
“Oi.”
Dan’s voice, and his finger poking into his back, cut through his thoughts.
“Sorry?” he said, turning around. Dan had the camera lowered, and was looking at him expectantly.
“I said, which way are we going?”
“Oh,” said Phil, looking out towards the horizon. “I dunno, which way do you want to go?”
“Wherever you want,” said Dan, smiling. He lifted the camera.
Phil picked a direction, and struck out into the bay.