Work Text:
It had been an uneventful day. They rode in silence for most of the time, occasionally discussing what route to take or commenting on something here and there as the scenery changed around them. Finally, it was time to set up camp for the night. As Gyro made some fire, Johnny shot a rabbit for them to eat with his Nail Bullets, and they quietly went over their established routine – brushing the horses, making sure they had something to eat and something to drink, setting up a place to sleep, discussing the route for the next day, eating.
As they sat around the fire that evening, endless stars above them, endless hills around them and some crickets chirping here and there, Gyro finished chewing on a piece of meat before asking:
“Do you think Jesus was a bottom or a top?”
Johnny, who had been drinking water, chocked on it.
“What?”
“Jesus Christ,” Gyro said, looking at Johnny in all seriousness, “you know? Do you think he was a top or a bottom?”
“I—what?” Johnny didn’t even know what to say.
For a few seconds, they just stared at each other. Johnny thought about their journey so far – finding out about the Corpse Parts, dodging death and assassins and other racers while trying to win and trying to find more Parts. Sometimes, like now, they’d catch a few days where nothing happened. No events. Just horse-riding, just them. They never knew when that uneventfulness would suddenly end. So he guessed it’d make sense for Gyro to try and make things light and fun, ease their minds, asking something like that. He guessed he’d indulge him in that.
“I don’t know, I’d say a bottom?” he considered if for a few seconds, trying not to think about the heresy involved, hoping that Jesus wouldn’t mind they having that discussion, “And then… Judas would be a top.”
“Interesting, you think they were together at some point?” Gyro asked with a pensive nod.
“I don’t know, you started this,” Johnny shrugged.
“Well, I suppose. I’m sure Judas was a pillow princess though, I mean, look at all the stuff about him.”
Johnny suppressed a laugh, shaking his head.
“That’d make Jesus a top, then? Really?”
“C’mon, Johnny,” Gyro said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, “think about it. It’s clear that the only way an average-looking guy could get twelve hot guys to follow him around and hang off his every word is if he's the only top.”
This time Johnny couldn’t hold it — he laughed, hard, the hardest he had laughed in a very, very long time. There were tears forming in the corner of his eyes, and when he thought the laugh was dying down and looked at Gyro, just seeing his serious expression, the slight smirk on his lips, had Johnny laughing all over again.
“You know I’m right, don’t you? Like, Jesus was definitely a top.”
“If you say so…” Johnny said with a deep sigh, still smiling. He barely caught Gyro’s grin before he added, “The Catholic Church keeps reminding us he's inside everyone, and the one and only time he got nailed, it took him three days to recover!”
Johnny burst into laughter again, almost falling on his back.