Chapter Text
As Alec made his way through the institute he had to take great care in keeping his steps quiet, consciously making each stride not reflect the fury that was currently flowing through his body for a particular snake-like High Warlock. Alec knew he needed to calm down, Magnus was waiting for him in what would now be their room and he did not deserve to be burdened with Alec’s frustration. Magnus had asked Alec to be happy for him so that is what Alec planned on doing, after stopping in his office to work until the anger gave way to exhaustion.
There were a number of things Alec was expecting when he opened the door to his office: another mountain of new reports for him to review, Church lying on top of said mountain of paperwork looking indifferent to the disfunction he was causing, or even just a dark and abandoned room with nothing out of place; what he had not been expecting was Clary to be sitting on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chest staring at a crackling fire.
The door suddenly opening drew the redhead from her position as she turned to look at Alec. “Hey,” she whispered and then returned to resting her chin on her knees.
Alec returned the greeting, but in a suspicious tone and with a raised eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”
Clary scoffed, but Alec could hear the slight sob she was trying to hide. “Simon was right, you don’t have the best bed side manner.” Alec rolled his eyes and walked over to stand almost in front of her. Clary could sense that Alec was taking in every detail right now, scrutinizing her and trying to figure out without asking what the problem was. “Magnus might disagree though.”
“That’s funny.” Alec said for the second time tonight.
“You didn’t laugh.” Clary dryly returned.
“Well you didn’t answer my question, so we can call it even.” Alec turned and walked towards his desk. He couldn’t help but release a slight sigh of relief when he took off his jacket and draped it over his chair.
“I’m sorry for invading, you probably don’t want me here.” Clary said, but she did not make a move to get up and leave. She just sat there and continued to look straight forward.
As Alec made his way back over, he could see the fire not just illuminating her eyes, but also the tears that were being held in them. “My not wanting you here has never stopped you before, so why should it now.” Alec said as he sat down next the petite women, shifting his body as he went so that he was facing her instead of the fire.
“Who is being funny now?” Clary quipped, but there was no humor in her voice. Alec didn’t reply, instead he allowed for the silence to continue on. Something had clearly happened, and Alec could only pray that it didn’t have to do with Jace. His parabatai had been through enough recently, but fate truly seemed to have a cruel sense of humor when it came to Jace Herondale. Alec had to push down the urge to ask her, instinct telling him that if he pushed Clary would shut down and then he would be left with no information and an emotionally detached little girl. “Are you going to say anything?” Clary asked.
“I asked my question,” Alec said while fidgeting with his hands, “I’m waiting on you.”
“I assume you heard what happened.” Clary sighed and moved slightly, now with her forehead resting on her knees. She looked like an absolute mess, and even Alec could not help but feel bad for her.
Alec nodded his head but realized that the girl was not looking at him, so he offered up a, “Jace texted me,” as an explanation.
“I’m sorry.” Clary whispered into her legs. If Alec had not been sitting right next to her, he would not have heard the woeful apology.
In that moment Alec could not help but curse the Angel, it seemed that he was smiting all of the people he loved right now, and his punishment was having to sit here and watch. He was powerless to stop the world burning down in front of him. Jace is in a constant state of anxiety because the love of his life is bound to the embodiment of evil, Isabelle is struggling with loneliness and a feeling of inferiority as she watches both of her older brothers find love, and now Magnus, well Alec doesn’t even know what to think about Magnus. He was desperate enough to gain his magic back that he allowed himself to be publicly humiliated by Lorenzo, and Alec could not help but feel that this solution was temporary at best.
Alec remembered his mom reassuring him as a child that Raziel never gave his chosen warriors more than they could handle but looking at Clary now Alec couldn’t help but think his mother was wrong. Alec slowly reached his hand out, so that Clary had time to detect him in her peripheral vision, and he gently grabbed at the crook of her elbow, “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Clary’s entire body shuddered with a sob that seemed much too large to be contained by such a tiny body. Each breath was painful for Clary, and the hot tears that she was once holding back were streaming down her cheeks like lavas tracks. “I let him go!” Clary pushed out between the scattered sobs. “I had him, and I let him get away! And the worst part is I don’t even know why!”
Alec did not even hesitate to use the grip he already had to pull the Shadowhunter into his arms. For a moment Clary was shocked, but the shock gave way to her pent-up frustration and self-loathing which prompted her to crash into the safety of Alec’s chest and simply break. She could not physically hold herself together anymore due to all of the different emotions inside of her battling it out and ripping her apart. “I don’t know what happened.” Clary cried as she gripped the fabric of Alec’s shirt like a lifeline. “I don’t know Alec, I don’t know.”
Alec brought a hand up to rest on Clary’s head for a moment, and then he began to let his fingers comb through her hair in an attempt to settle her. “Shh Clary, it alright.” He whispered into her ear. “Everything is okay, I promise.”
“No, it isn’t.” She cried and tried to push her face deeper into Alec’s chest, as if that were an avenue for her to somehow escape their current devastating reality.
“I know it seems like the end of the world right now,” Alec sighed, “but it isn’t Clary. We are all going to make it through this.”
“But Jonathan,” Clary tried but Alec interrupted her.
“I don’t give a damn about Jonathan right now.” Alec said firmly and then pushed Clary just barely off of his chest, that way she would have to look at him for what he was about to say. “The only thing that matters right now is that you are safe, and he didn’t hurt you. We will get the bastard the next time, but right now I’m just grateful that you’re okay.”
More tears bubbled up in Clary’s eyes and at first Alec thought that they were tears of appreciation, after all it isn’t often that Alec Lightwood says something nice to Clary Fairchild, but it turned out that the tears were not happy in the slightest. “But he did hurt me Alec.” Clary said and collapsed on to the older Shadowhunter’s shoulder.
“What do you mean?” Alec immediately asked, a panic taking over. Alec distinctly remembered Jace telling him that Clary came away without any injuries, that Jace was the only one hurt but his iratze had taken care of everything. “Clary what did he do?”
“He, he,” Clary took a deep breath and tried to steady herself, “he kissed me.” Once again a deeply rooted anger flared up into the stomach of the eldest Lightwood. Alec made a promise to himself, if he ever got his hands on Jonathan Morgenstern and that stupid twinning rune was not a problem, he was going to personally draw an agony rune on him and let the bastard suffer before sending him off to hell. “I feel, I feel violated Alec.”
Alec wrapped his arms around Clary, pulling her in as close to him as he could. This is not what he had planned for himself tonight, but that didn’t really matter anymore. Magnus would understand why he was so late once he explained, if anything Magnus would commend his boyfriend and then set off to try and kill Jonathan for so much as looking at Clary.
“You have a right to feel that way Clary.” Alec said, trying his best to keep his voice steady and comforting. “What Jonathan did was beyond wrong. He took a sacred bond that is supposed to exist between siblings and perverted it.” Alec couldn’t imagine what Clary must be feeling.
Clary let her head rest on Alec’s collarbone, and she took another breath to center herself. She had already been so vulnerable with the older boy today, and she was getting ready to trust him again. “The worst thing is, when I first found out I had a brother I was excited, because all my life it felt like something was missing. I know that I had Simon, but there was this whole in my life, and I think the part of me that knew I belonged to this world also knew that I was meant to have a brother. So, when my mom tried to warn me that Jonathan was evil, I wrote her off because I wanted her to be wrong. I wanted a brother.”
“Clary there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a family.” Alec tried to reassure her.
“But I didn’t get what I wanted.” Clary pushed away from Alec and looked down at both of their laps. She wanted to look at him for this next confession, but she couldn’t bring herself to. This was something that needed to be said, “I saw what you have with Izzy, and that is what I wanted.” The tears were back, and Clary quickly began rubbing them away. “I wanted him to look at me the way you look at Izzy and at Jace. Everyone can see how much you love them; they know you would do anything for them, and I wanted that; but the love behind Jonathan’s eyes isn’t what I wanted Alec. I wanted him to be like you”
Alec put two of his fingers under Clary’s chin and forced her to look up at him. He knew that she had just said took a lot of courage to admit what she had, and he respected her for it. “That wasn’t love Fray.” Alec said. “Don’t let him confuse you.” Clary tearfully nodded and then tried to look away, but Alec wasn’t letting her go just yet.
“You deserve to get what you wanted,” and Alec sighed when Clary closed her eyes.
“But I’ll never get it. I can’t, I can never forgive him for what he did.” Clary said.
“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Alec shifted and now both of his hands were rest on Clary’s shoulders. It was odd, only a few months ago Alec would have described her shoulders as scrawny, but now they were toned, and she was starting to look more like the warrior that she was fated to be. “What I meant was,” this time it was Alec’s turn to take a breath and collect himself before he made a vulnerable admission, “I meant that you can have what you want Clary.”
That got the redhead’s attention. Her eyes widened with brief understanding, but she waited for Alec to confirm what she hoped he was saying.
“I will be your big brother Clary.” Alec said in one of the most serious voices she had ever heard. “As long as that is what you want.”
Clary launched herself into Alec’s chest again, wrapping her arms around his waist. If she had any tears left, she is sure that they would have been freely falling from her eyes. As it was, she was out of tears, so she settled for a joyful sob.
“Thank you, Alec.” Clary felt the once heavy burden that was crushing her lungs lighten to a more bearable weight. Jonathan was not gone, she was still bonded to him, but at least she finally had that big brother sized hole in her heart filled by a person who actually deserved to be there.
Alec released a content sigh and raised his legs to rest on the coffee table in front of them. He knew that neither of them were leaving this room any time soon, so he might as well get comfortable, “You’re welcome red.”