love is a strong word

by sopejjin

Summary:

It made more sense because everything Hoseok did was genuine. Hoseok genuinely made out with him. Hoseok was genuinely being touchy with him. And Namjoon was genuinely head-over-heels for him.

Notes:

i came up with this idea about a month ago on a cruise—there was a piano bar and this was the first thing that came to mind... anyway, had to do this for the namseokers out there!!! i see you and i love you!

also mind any discrepancies in my grammar bc my outlook on “—“ changed halfway thru so i tried to fix them. also typos, dont mind em

“Go to the piano bar with Hoseok”, they said.

 

“It will be fun ”, they said.

 

Whoever “they” were, Namjoon didn’t like them at the moment. “They” had gotten him into a situation he had never imagined, just because he could’ve never thought of something so stupid yet so normal for the young adults they were titled as.

 

Sitting in the corner of a piano bar were Hoseok and Namjoon, both a little more loose than when they came in. They had gone on their own tourist trip around New York while they were there for their concert, and had managed to get a little away time from their fans.

 

As of right now, there are only three guards outside of the bar and are dressed to blend in so no attention is drawn. Hoseok had thanked Namjoon for asking for minimum security when they came in and were only a drink into the night, but now Namjoon wasn’t having so much fun.

 

He felt like a target. Might as well paint the white and red onto him now, because he narrowed down the kinds of people that were in the kind of place he and his friend were in, and what night they had happened to stumble in there on. The two had ignored any signs outside as they walked in and found seats, but now Namjoon is pretty sure he’s figured it out if the chalk-drawn rainbows on the menu and on the menu were any indication.

 

It’s LGBT night at a piano bar in downtown New York, and it didn’t help that Namjoon and Hoseok were two young guys sitting in the back being overly friendly with each other.

 

What helped Namjoon figure it out was when the pianist (a nice guy, Namjoon had also figured, since he kindly asked if Namjoon spoke English after reading his song request) yelled playfully at pairs and seeming couples to “make out” he realized that he mostly had asked guys who were out with guys, or girls who were out with girls.

 

As of this very moment, Namjoon wants to leave, but also stay inside for as long as he possibly can because what if there are cameras outside ready to ruin our careers?

 

The thought got to Namjoon quickly. One mistake by him and Hoseok and just like that, all of BTS’ careers were over with no question.

 

“Joon-ah, what’s going on up there?” Hoseok was referring to Namjoon’s head, giving it a look as he raised an eyebrow.

 

It snapped Namjoon out of his thoughts for just a moment, letting him think about how he could tell Hoseok what was racing around his mind without making Hoseok worry too. Would Hoseok even be sober enough to worry? Probably not.

 

“Just thinking about us, about ARMY, about the company… All that.”

 

Hoseok leaned on Namjoon’s shoulder, a lopsided smile playing at his lips. “Well, you shouldn’t. It’s our night, which includes alcohol - not worries.” Hoseok took it upon himself to raise Namjoon’s drink to his mouth, forcing him to get just a little bit more liquor in his system - maybe he needed it.

 

The conversation died off after that, and with Hoseok still on his shoulder, the two enjoyed the music and Namjoon enjoyed the jokes told, translating the good ones to Hoseok.

 

After a little while, the worry in Namjoon had just begun to subside when the pause in-between songs had Namjoon’s attention. The guy at the piano was chatting mainly with the people sat at the bar, but over the speakers it sounded like the whole room was involved. Namjoon was almost zoned out when the chanting began again, thanks to the same piano guy.

 

“MAKE OUT!”

 

“MAKE OUT!”

 

What made Namjoon confused was the fact that it hadn’t stopped yet, and everybody seemed occupied on a certain area of the small, dark room. Specifically, Namjoon and Hoseok’s corner. Namjoon knew that no one was sat close enough to them for them to be the center of attention, and what made it more real for Namjoon was Hoseok asking “Why are they all looking at us? What are they chanting?”

 

Namjoon stared at Hoseok’s darkened and drunk face, amazed at how he never noticed the sparkles that lived in his chocolate orbs, or how Hoseok’s face was actually perfect.

 

Stop. Hoseok is my best friend - nothing more, Namjoon thought. Grounding himself, Namjoon was frightened for what could come of this, but a buzz of adrenaline went through him at the same time the fear did. “They want us to make out.”

 

The piano guy spoke up with a playful smile heard through his voice, breaking the chants for a few seconds. “I can do this all night.”

 

The chanting quickly resumed and Hoseok laughed for a moment, but didn’t ask Namjoon “you’re joking, right?” like Namjoon had wished.

 

In fact, Hoseok did the exact opposite of what Namjoon wished for. Hoseok casually slipped his arms around his neck and leaned a little closer, causing Namjoon to look awkward since he had no idea what to do with his hands—or with any part of himself, in fact. So, Namjoon sat there, looking as dumb as a rock, as Hoseok leaned up to his ear and whispered, “So let’s give them a show.”

 

The invitation by Hoseok’s hot breath on his ear sent chills somehow mixed with heat through Namjoon’s body, making him warmer as goosebumps formed from head to toe. Hoseok leaned back just enough to lean his forehead against Namjoon’s and look at him for barely a second before placing his lips clumsily onto Namjoon’s.

 

Namjoon’s eyes closed in an instant and he was strangely comfortable with Hoseok pleasing the crowd as he began to feel Hoseok sucking on Namjoon’s lower lips, biting and releasing it quickly. Namjoon soon found what to do with his hands, but by the time he attempted to move them to Hoseok’s leg and side, Hoseok’s face was already about a foot away from him, smiling at and laughing with the crowd that Namjoon had ended up blocking out due to unforeseen events (read as: Namjoon’s gay awakening).

 

“That was hot! ” was what the pianist had commented.

 

After that, Namjoon had been focused on different things than the piano. Such as his good friend, Hoseok. He kept reminding himself of that lovely, limiting word. Friend.

 

Namjoon had realized a predicament with slight humor weaved into it. At the beginning of the night, he was worried about them being seen together at an LGBT event. Now, he was worried about more than that. Namjoon’s tendency to overthink things was in full force as he thought through ridiculous situations to come to the conclusion that he would be the end of Bangtan as he knew it.

 

No amount of alcohol offered by Hoseok could take his mind off the possibilities of what was to happen when they left this place, or in the next few years, according to Namjoon’s mind. When they did eventually have to leave because they didn’t want to be the only pair left in the room, it was about half past midnight. Much to Namjoon’s relief, nothing extraordinary happened once they stepped outside and got some fresh air in them.

 

They were discreetly escorted back to their hotel, where they saw that only Seokjin and Taehyung had stayed in tonight or gotten back earlier than them. Namjoon bid Hoseok an out-of-mind goodbye, to which Hoseok only mumbled something as he went into his own room next door.

 

Namjoon had the room to himself, since Jungkook was still out and probably didn’t plan on coming back until he couldn’t stand properly. Namjoon flopped down on his bed, scrolling through his phone when he realized he wasn’t even reading what his eyes were glued to. Instead, Namjoon had been trying to read Hoseok’s expressions throughout the night - trying to see if anything changed in him, too. But of course, Namjoon scored everything he found up to the same reason - Hoseok had been drunk and championed on by the crowd, and those are the only reasons he did what he did.

 

And that’s what Namjoon repeated as his internal mantra for weeks. Those weeks turned into months, and now counting, it had been almost eight months of Namjoon internally going ballistic over every small thing Hoseok did for him. Holding the door open, offering him his jacket, going with him on his walks, talking to him, smiling at him, fuck, if Hoseok just looked in Namjoon’s general direction, he took it personally and it had built up inside Namjoon, making him go absolutely insane for months.

 

It took a toll on Namjoon’s mental health in the beginning, but Namjoon did get better at ignoring his little “crush”, if you want to call it that. The part that mainly tore him down to pieces was the fact that he was indeed attracted to a man. Namjoon had no problem with that himself, but all he could think was “what would the company say? His family? His friends? The media? The world ?”

 

The world was the one that scared Namjoon enough to make him leave the dorm at some ungodly hour of the night at head to the practice room, where he’d give any choreography his all until his legs couldn’t hold him up anymore.

 

Thankfully, they were getting ready to begin preparing for a comeback, which gave Namjoon plenty of distractions and things to practice until he would drop dead. But somehow the thought always managed to creep up on him when he had thought maybe he had gotten over it.

 

What if Hoseok likes you back?

 

The idea of that in Namjoon’s head was so childish it made him angry. Angry at Hoseok because he managed to make Namjoon feel like he was fifteen again when he was a grown twenty-four year old man. Angry at himself for giving himself thoughtless and impossible hope. Angry at the world for making it so far out of his grasp when Hoseok was so close to him so often.

 

Namjoon almost couldn’t take it. When he had gotten to his breaking point, the boys were there to help him away from it. While he was so overjoyed and grateful for them being there, it only made it worse because Hoseok was also there, taking him out around the town whenever possible and making sure Namjoon was always okay, always happy. But something that he may never know is that Namjoon is always happy when he’s with Hoseok.

 

The reality is that nobody can know that in the sense that it is, so Namjoon puts up a poker face and flawlessly lies to his best friends whenever someone asks “why?”.

 

Like last night, Yoongi had asked Namjoon over drinks, “Why are you in this slump, Joon?”

 

Namjoon took a short sip of his beer, letting the bitter taste coat his tongue before letting most of it fall back into the bottle. “I don’t know.”

 

And it went on like that for about a year—the rest of Bangtan, the company, and soon the fans were worried about Namjoon. Under his tweets were positive and supportive phrases that had changed from simple “I LOVE YOU”s to “i love you so much and i hope you’re okay joonie”, “have fun on your walks, i wish i was there :(“ and “lemme pinch ur cheeks n list the reasons why i love you”.

 

As of right now, Namjoon and the others were in Puerto Rico filming a future Bon Voyage for their fans. Everyone had been having a good time so far and Namjoon had been more cheerful than usual (which made everyone worry just a little bit less). They were out in pairs, and Namjoon had gotten stuck with Jimin. There’s nothing wrong with Jimin, literally, but Jimin always checks up on the members to make sure they’re okay, and this time was no different despite the heavy camera presence.

 

“Hyung, how’ve you been?” Jimin perked up on their way to the shopping district of their area.

 

Namjoon smiled down at Jimin, “Better, don’t worry.”

 

If the look Jimin gave didn’t indicate “I’ll ask again when there are no cameras” then nothing else could’ve.

 

And without a doubt, as soon as the automatic cameras turned off in their rooms at 11PM, Jimin was bursting into Namjoon’s door in an instant, putting a smile on Taehyung’s face as he looked up from his phone to greet his best friend.

 

Later on into that night, Taehyung had fallen asleep and Jimin was dozing off with Namjoon after getting nearly nothing out of him other than a few “I’m fine”s.

 

Waking up was a shock, seeing as Namjoon was woken up by Hoseok spanking him through the covers, and when Namjoon tried to sit up at first, he realized something was laying on his arm. Then he realized that some thing was some one .

 

Jimin stirred awake by the commotion of Taehyung getting up, Namjoon trying to move and Hoseok’s stifled laughter. When Namjoon finally got a clear sight of Hoseok’s face, he thought it was odd to have heard him laughing when in reality, Hoseok didn’t even crack a smile to Namjoon or Jimin. Hoseok left the bedside when he saw them both wake up and said his “see you later”s before leaving the room entirely.

 

Namjoon wishes he was bold enough to be like a book character or star of a movie and make the first move, but real life doesn’t work like Namjoon hoped. He can’t just pin Hoseok up against a wall and kiss him until he passes out from lack of oxygen - that just doesn’t happen for him. What does happen for him is getting briefed monthly by the company with the rest of the members to remind themselves that dating is forbidden.

 

When Namjoon sits through those meetings or gets asks about his dating life by interviewers, a face appears in his mind. Hoseok’s face. He’s smiling, having joined Namjoon on a walk and they’re stopped at a river like some cheesy couple. Something that always made Namjoon smile about the vision is that Hoseok is holding his hand confidently. But then reality hits Namjoon like a truck - it’s just that: a vision.

 

So Namjoon told himself for about 14 months that during practice, he has to focus anywhere but Hoseok. When the concept photoshoots were being shot, he can’t look at Hoseok unless he’s told to. That around the dorms, Namjoon has to put a bit of distance between himself and Hoseok so no one gets suspicious. The worst part is that it worked.

 

No one ever took a double-take when Hoseok hugged Namjoon and he didn’t hug back entirely. Not when Namjoon stopped preferring Hoseok as a teammate on a Run episode and not when Namjoon stopped choosing Hoseok as a rooming or car partner. No one ever thought it was weird, except Namjoon.

 

Namjoon’s mind was always full of fantasies that he turned into lyrics at will, and that’s what he was doing at the moment. Sat in his studio, writing lyrics and making baseline beats for fun (maybe for the next album, if he really liked any of them). Namjoon was almost always in his studio these days, and the other members knew it was practically his new home until the next comeback. While Namjoon always felt safe and secure in his studio, today was different.

 

His mind was wandering, just from an innocent lyric to something so explicit and so out of grasp. And right now, it was killing Namjoon. He stood up abruptly, cursing as he crumpled a sheet of paper he had in front of him and tossed it somewhere behind him.

 

“Hey!”

 

What? Paper doesn’t speak?

 

Namjoon turned around, expecting nothing but the studio door but instead found Hoseok holding the paper he’d thrown.

 

“I know I can be annoying but I hadn’t even said anything yet,” Hoseok looked down, starting to unravel the paper, causing Namjoon to go into attack mode.

 

“NO! No, don’t read those!”

 

Namjoon quickly stepped to Hoseok, trying to rip the paper out of his hands (or rip the paper in general if he could) before he had time to lay his eyes on something Namjoon did not need Hoseok reading. Not now, not ever.

 

“Why? Writing something dirty, Joonie?” Hoseok smirked, still trying to get the paper from Namjoon without ripping it.

 

Namjoon managed only to rip a small piece of the paper before Hoseok was gawking over his success and was starting to read the embarrassing words back to Namjoon.

 

“‘Golden skin traced by gods that I don’t even believe in,’” Hoseok was giggling as he read them out loud, while Namjoon was on the verge of a breakdown in front of him as he stood hiding his face in his shirt. Not only were the lyrics exposing, they were just so bad because it was basically Namjoon’s explicit thoughts on paper.

 

Hoseok continued to read them back to Namjoon, but once he came upon certain lines he slowly stopped speaking. The mocking smile dropped from his face as he realized what he had read out loud. “Is this… Are you writing about… A guy?”

 

Hoseok stumbled over his words, reading down the page again. Before Hoseok could finish (Namjoon hoped he wasn’t done, at least) Namjoon tore the paper out of Hoseok’s grasp, ripping it to shreds in front of him.

 

Namjoon stepped closer to Hoseok, gripping his collar with whitening knuckles. “Please, Hoseok,” Namjoon winced at how small he sounded, “You can’t tell anybody. No one, not the other members, not your friends, don’t even bring it up to me. Forget everything you just saw, okay?”

 

Something in Namjoon wanted Hoseok to go around and tell everybody, but that something (as Namjoon would soon call it) was guilt. If someone else told everyone, it wouldn’t be Namjoon’s fault in his mind. But as the friendly, understanding and loyal friend Hoseok was, he had promised to forget everything from the last ten minutes.

 

When Hoseok let the door close behind him, Namjoon fell to his knees and held in a scream, sufficing to just lay there on his studio floor since he didn’t know what else he could do now.

 

Maybe a month or so after that incident, another comeback was on its way and Namjoon was confident that this would be one of their best albums they would ever produce. Everyone had praised them for it, more than usual, and the choreography fit so perfectly with the tracks that he had just about fallen in love with this album.

 

On the day it released, the boys were sat around in Namjoon’s studio watching the finished music video in all its glory. To no surprise, it was gorgeous. Namjoon said it would be BTS’ year, and he knew he was right.

 

They all filed out of the room one by one, leaving Namjoon alone in his studio.

 

“Joon-ah,”

 

Namjoon whipped around in his chair, adrenaline surging through him for just a few seconds before identifying the straggler as Hoseok. “You have got to stop giving me heart attacks, hyung.”

 

Hoseok laughed, sitting on the couch where Namjoon soon joined him. Hoseok sat back, relaxed and carefree, unlike Namjoon, who was having heart palpitations.

 

“So, what’s up?”

 

Hoseok shrugged, leaning his head back onto the couch and closing his eyes. He spread out a little more, his arm faintly touching Namjoon’s shoulders and his knee definitely touching Namjoon’s. “Just… Wanted to hang out. We haven’t in a while and I thought now might be a good chance, if you’re not too tired?”

 

Namjoon’s heart was dangerously jumping beats at the thought, making Namjoon act and think like a fifteen year old who just had their crush ask them out. And Namjoon couldn’t even deny it - that’s exactly what it felt like.

 

“Sure, hyung. What do you wanna do?” Namjoon offered, relaxing in just the slightest.

 

“Not sure, just wanted to spend time with you since we’ve been getting a little distant, I think. Do you think we’ve been getting distant?” Hoseok opened his eyes and turned his head towards Namjoon, making him chuckle.

 

“Uh, no, not really. I think we’re fine.” Namjoon paused as he thought about his words, quickly picking up where he left off, “But if you think we’re like, getting distant then yeah, totally, we can hang out—no problem!”

 

There was silence until Hoseok suddenly burst out laughing and Namjoon felt like shrinking into the couch as much as he physically could. “What?”

 

Hoseok took his time catching his breath, a smile lazily resting on his lips. “The way you panicked , it just— it was really funny, I’m sorry.” Hoseok took a deep breath, smile remaining, “I miss that. I haven’t laughed at you in a while, kinda needed it.”

 

Namjoon slapped Hoseok’s shoulder playfully, “That’s mean, you’re a bully.”

 

“ Your bully. I just like bullying you because you give the best reactions.” Hoseok giggled, patting Namjoon’s thigh. Namjoon tried to restrain his mind from taking the friendly answer personally, but it was no use.

 

The two went back and forth for another hour, making Namjoon pretty grateful for the small times like these since he thought they had ceased to exist since… God, how long has it been? It must’ve been almost a year and six months since Namjoon fell… In the living room! Ah yes, a stupendous record.

 

Namjoon had yet to admit to himself that he was… Wanting to be more than friends or bandmates or business partners with Hoseok. The thought was always right in front of him, taunting him and begging to be said aloud, and yet—the only phrase Namjoon could repeat back to himself was “Jung Hoseok is my best friend”.

 

Promotions were hard this comeback. They had a sexy concept for certain stages since it was a main element in their title track, and Jesus Christ, it did not help Namjoon keep his eyes off Hoseok. They kept being dressed in lace, torn clothing, even harnesses and it awakened something in Namjoon that he hadn’t even known was there. All that Namjoon knew now that he didn’t before was that Hoseok looked more like a god than usual when wearing mesh clothes with a harness over his chest as well as hugging his thighs.

 

After one of their stages, Hoseok was particularly chatty and Namjoon wasn’t going to lie - he wanted to punch Hoseok. Then, Namjoon wanted to make out with him until his lungs collapsed. It was a like-hate relationship, you could say. Sometimes Namjoon wanted to drop kick Hoseok across the country - all the way back to Gwangju. Other times, Namjoon wanted to throw Hoseok onto his bed and fuck him into tomorrow, then have the same done to him. Really, no in-between.

 

Right now, Namjoon couldn’t decide which one he wanted. Hoseok looked good. Shining because of sweat with hair stuck to his forehead, muscles flexing ever so slightly when he moved his weight leaning over the couch. Namjoon’s luck got even better when Hoseok sat next to him (read as: on top of him) for the post-stage group photo. Namjoon must’ve had an out-of-body experience right then, since it didn’t get any better in Namjoon’s world than Hoseok’s thighs and ass sat right on top of him.

 

Namjoon would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bothered after that, Hoseok having made him a teen again. So he did what anybody should in that situation: ignore Hoseok until he got back to his own room in the dorm and jerk off to the ideas that came from Hoseok sweating in a harness. Fuck.

 

The next shows weren’t as bad, maybe that day was just Namjoon’s luck. Promotions were finally over, and although Namjoon wouldn’t being seeing Hoseok in the pleasing outfits anymore, he was still satisfied with the fancams and fansite photos that would see more of Hoseok than his own bandmate would.

 

And then Namjoon’s luck crashed like the stock market in 2009.

 

Once upon a time lived a rapper named Namjoon, who had a crush on another rapper named Hoseok. Namjoon was always admiring Hoseok in private, until a singer found out about Namjoon’s crush. This singer’s name was Seokjin, and Seokjin promised not to tell anyone as long as Namjoon promised to confide in Seokjin if he needed.

 

So, Namjoon promised and confided in Seokjin nearly every night. Seokjin soon realized how head-over-heels Namjoon was and fully understood the danger of that. Seokjin had of course suggested that one day, maybe soon, Namjoon should tell Hoseok.

 

Of course Namjoon got a little angry, saying “Do you seriously think that’s an option, hyung?! Are you stupid? Can you imagine what the company would do if they found out?”

 

Seokjin replied with “What if the company doesn’t find out?”

 

At the time, Namjoon had laughed at him. A few sleepless nights later though, Namjoon considered that maybe Seokjin was onto something. But even if the company didn’t find out, the other members - or at least Hoseok - would know. They’d look at him different.

 

Namjoon had tried dropping the most subtle of hints after that, all of them failing miserably. He was trying persistently now, knowing how stupid an idea it was but… Namjoon’s crush on Hoseok was only growing, and Namjoon would rather have it stomped on by Jung Hoseok himself than have it eat him alive.

 

Practice ran late tonight, and only Namjoon, Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok remained. The others had gone back to the dorm and called it a night, but the dancers of BTS (excluding Taehyung) were still here going strong. Namjoon was keeping up with their persistence so far, but he knew if he didn’t take a break soon he’d be on the floor in no time.

 

Another count recap later and Namjoon was sitting up against the far wall, gripping a bottle of water that was half empty as he watched the other three go at it like no tomorrow through the mirror. Namjoon tried to watch them all but his eyes kept landing on Hoseok. The fierce look in his eyes while he was dancing was one of the seven wonders of the world to Namjoon.

 

Hoseok was the next one to take a break, letting Jungkook and Jimin continue without him as he slid down the wall next to Namjoon.

 

“You doin’ good, Joonie?”

 

Namjoon only nodded in response, taking another sip of his water and moving around his leg so it can make contact with the cold floor to cool him down a little—thank God he was wearing shorts today. Not long after Namjoon’s mouth left the bottle, Hoseok swiped it from him to take a sip too. Namjoon thought it was a little weird at first since he knows Hoseok never forgets to bring his water bottle.

 

Namjoon couldn’t find him in it to care though, because he was focused on how Hoseok’s neck tightened and loosened with each gulp from Namjoon’s bottle, making Namjoon gulp almost involuntarily. When Hoseok gave it back, there was almost nothing left, so Namjoon jumped on his chance to have an indirect kiss with Hoseok.

 

“Might as well finish it.” Was all Namjoon said before taking his time swallowing the rest of the liquid.

 

Hoseok was staring at Namjoon when he looked over, maybe he even zoned out.

 

“Hyung? You there?” Namjoon waved his hand in front of Hoseok’s face, earning him an aware Hoseok.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.” Hoseok shook his head with a quiet laugh, “I was wondering Namjoon, why haven’t you gone home yet? You never stay at practice longer than necessary.”

 

Namjoon parted his mouth to say something, but before he could, Jungkook’s voice echoed around the room.

 

“Jiminie and I are gonna head home. Catch you guys there, bye!”

 

Jimin and Jungkook were already halfway out the door when he finished talking, and Namjoon doesn’t even remember hearing the music turn off or seeing them pack up their stuff.

 

“Namjoon-ah?” Hoseok called him back, “Gonna answer me?” He chuckled.

 

Namjoon stumbled over his words for a moment, eventually finding a suitable excuse. “I thought maybe uh… Maybe you could help me with a few counts? The chorus?”

 

Hoseok stood up after a few moments of staring, offering a helping hand to Namjoon. “Let’s do it!”

 

For the next ten minutes, Hoseok helped Namjoon through the chorus choreography that Namjoon didn’t actually need help with. This particular count was easy for Namjoon compared to others, but he chose it because he can easily fuck it up, too.

 

So that’s what he does. Moves his hips in the wrong direction to get Hoseok’s hands there, as well as not moving his legs when he should be moving them just slightly. Not bending his knees in for a quick part to be able to say “I’ve had Jung Hoseok in-between my legs, what can you do successfully?”

 

At the end, Namjoon was somehow worn out, but Hoseok was still pretty decent on energy. Fucking up on purpose was hard work.

 

“So, you think you’ve got it now?” Hoseok asked, walking next to where Namjoon was slumped against the mirror. His legs were actually okay, so he was standing while giving the rest of his body a quick nap.

 

Namjoon nodded, turning his head to face Hoseok and stood up a little straighter.

 

“Also, Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok put his hand on his hip, “You’re mean.”

 

Namjoon raised an eyebrow, taken aback by the older’s serious tone. “Huh?”

 

Hoseok laughed quietly, “You don’t even know. You think I didn’t notice how you conveniently had issues with moving your lower body? You think I didn’t see how you weren’t focused on almost anything I said? You think I don’t know how perfectly you can execute this choreo in full? Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing?”

 

Hoseok came closer, only a few inches in front of Namjoon, “Answer me.”

 

Hoseok’s tone was suddenly so casual despite everything else that was happening. Was Namjoon hallucinating? Was Hoseok really in front of him like this right now? What was he-

 

“Namjoon-ah. I asked a question.”

 

Fuck. Namjoon tried to think of an answer to Hoseok’s question that could get him out of this situation, since Namjoon was just moments away from letting go of his self control and dragging his hands and lips all over the man in front of him.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Namjoon’s voice was a whisper, and for no reason. There was no one here but him and Hoseok. Just him and Hoseok .

 

Hoseok didn’t say another word, just nodded slowly, like he was taking in information. To Namjoon, it was the most terrifying thing in the world. Namjoon’s heartbeat was pounding like a hammer inside his ears, and he hoped to any god out there that Hoseok couldn’t hear his effect on Namjoon.

 

Namjoon’s body was near trembling, of what, he had no idea, but he nearly collapsed when Hoseok’s hand started trailing up his body ever so slightly. Going from his left thigh to his waist to his chest and slowly, he trailed his fingers up Namjoon’s neck to rest on his chin, Hoseok’s thumb was poking at Namjoon’s bottom lip which caused his breath to hitch in his throat.

 

“So pretty,” Hoseok mumbled, his voice barely audible.

 

In Hoseok’s eyes, Namjoon could see the lust that filled them to the brim, and it scared him. Not because he thought Hoseok would do something bad, but because everything would change after tonight, he just knew it.

 

“Hoseok…” Namjoon didn’t even know what he was doing at this point, he just wanted to be kissing Hoseok like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.

 

Hoseok hummed, training his eyes on Namjoon. “What is it?”

 

Soon after Hoseok asked, his other hand found its place on Namjoon’s stomach, feeling how Namjoon sucked in a breath harshly at the sudden contact. There may have been clothes separating their skin but to Namjoon there was nothing but air.

 

“Please, Hoseok,” Namjoon begged for nothing in particular.

 

“Please what, Joonie?” His breath was warm against Namjoon’s lips, and if Namjoon leaned forward just a little bit further, they’d be kissing. Simple.

 

Namjoon broke down his mental walls then, his greed and instincts taking control over his common sense. He removed his hands from the mirror behind him and slowly raised them in-between him and Hoseok, not forgetting to press them to Hoseok’s torso and feel his toned body as much as possible through his shirt. Namjoon’s eyes stayed pinned to Hoseok’s watching how he sucked in a breath when Namjoon finally laid his hands on him, also not missing the way he almost bit his lip.

 

Namjoon’s hand were now resting over Hoseok’s shoulders, but opted to move away to caress his neck, eventually moving up to hold Hoseok’s face. Namjoon’s lucky he was still able to keep his eyes on Hoseok’s through this, otherwise he would’ve missed how Hoseok’s eyes flickered to Namjoon’s lips for just a split second.

 

Despite how much tension was between them at the moment, Namjoon still leaned closer slowly, tilted both his head slowly and hovering over Hoseok’s lips as if to ask Hoseok “is this okay?”.

 

Hoseok was the one to close the distance between them, bringing their lips together quickly but gently, seeming to savour the taste of the foreign pair of lips. He instantly moved his finger away from Namjoon’s mouth, shifting it to hold his face like a thin piece of glass.

 

Namjoon’s body was on fire, sourcing especially from where Hoseok’s hand was now placed firmly on his waist to where his other hand was perfectly fitting in the shape of his face and last but, God, not least: where Hoseok’s own fucking lips were moving against his. Namjoon would be lying if he said he wasn’t about to cry from how sudden and overwhelming this was but he wasn’t about to pass it up either.

 

Just as Namjoon was about to act on that intent, Hoseok pulled just a few centimeters apart, partly for a breath, the other for a short conversation.

 

“Is— Is this okay?”

 

Just like Namjoon had thought. “More than okay, just don’t fucking stop, please.” Namjoon begged, bringing them back together as one again.

 

This time, Namjoon was rougher with Hoseok, now realizing that shit, yes, this was happening— finally. Right now, Namjoon thinks he could lose everything he’s ever worked for in life if he got to do this every day for the rest of it.

 

Namjoon wasted little time before running his tongue over Hoseok’s bottom lip asking for permission, then basking in the small sound Hoseok let out because of it. Namjoon felt like he was about to fucking explode as he explored territory that was normally completely off-limits to him at all times. Having his tongue dance with Hoseok’s after so many years of dreaming it and picturing it down to a T… Fuck if he didn’t get a little teary eyed.

 

And.. he actually did. He wasn’t even the one that noticed, Hoseok noticed, pulling away for a few seconds.

 

“Fuck— are you— are you okay? Did I do something?” Hoseok’s voice was drenched with worry suddenly, a certain change from the passion it just contained.

 

Namjoon just nodded, “I’m perfect, don’t worry, hyung.”

 

Hoseok flashed a soft and gentle smile, and with that, their lips met again, and again, and again.

 

After Namjoon and Hoseok had finished that escapade of theirs, they both (individually) came to the conclusion of their actions. “I’m fucked.”, they even almost said it at the same time despite being alone in their own rooms. They came to this conclusion after their next monthly briefing on the dating regulations, sharing mildly awkward glances at each other from their sides of the conference table. It pained Namjoon more now than if what had happened hadn’t happened at all.

 

With the way they were now acting around each other, no one could tell if it was show or not. Some days they were extra clingy with long hugs and attempted (and over-exaggerated) kisses, while others were spent without them saying a near word to each other, acting like complete strangers. Even the members had gotten worried about them, they wondered if what Namjoon was going through was back and had gotten worse, and if the same thing was happening to Hoseok now too.

 

Namjoon had to laugh when this assumption came up, because it was spot on. Namjoon’s crush on Hoseok had only grown three times the size and it was fucking suffocating. Before their late dance practice, Namjoon only had to fantasies of Hoseok to live off on, trying his best to relive the piano bar kiss in his mind every day. These days, Namjoon knew full well of the real thing and wanted more. More, more, more.

 

He knew he couldn’t have it. Not right now, at least. The worst part is that Namjoon doesn’t know when “right now” could come to an end. As of right now, Namjoon is able to control himself and keep acting as the leader in full with no suspicions if he pleased. But some stupid, risk taking part of him wanted at least a few suspicions raised about his well being. Maybe that way he could one day update Seokjin on how he’s really doing, instead of convincing his hyung that he got over Hoseok a while ago.

 

Unfortunately, that part of his plan didn’t work too well. Seokjin didn’t seem concerned about Namjoon’s feelings for Hoseok anymore, Namjoon thinks he still wholeheartedly believes the younger’s confession to have gotten over them.

 

Tonight, Namjoon was too frustrated to even think straight, the thoughts of liking Hoseok and tricking Seokjin and lying to his best friends for so long was getting to him recently. Namjoon had quietly stormed his way over to Seokjin in the middle of the night, it must’ve been around two in the morning. Namjoon 100% expected the man to be asleep, and fully planned on waking him up. He needed Seokjin right now.

 

Apparently, so didn’t someone else, as Namjoon would discover since Seokjin wasn’t asleep when he barged in. Instead of seeing Seokjin cuddled up to one of his plushies, he saw Seokjin with his back to the doorway as he sat on his bed with Hoseok across from him, in tears.

 

Needless to say, Namjoon’s jaw had made a basement at the sight. Hoseok was the first to notice Namjoon in the doorway, instantly looking for something to hide his face, which made Seokjin turn around and see Namjoon, causing him to spring to his feet off his bed and push Namjoon outside, leaving Hoseok inside as Seokjin closed the door behind them.

 

Seokjin took a deep breath before he started speaking, not that it lasted long with all of Namjoon’s questions. “Why were you—”

 

“Why was Hoseok in there?” Namjoon whispered, almost a little sad as he replayed the few seconds he’d managed to see. “Why was he crying? What happened?”

 

“Namjoon-ah, he just wanted to talked to me about a few things, “wanted advice from the oldest” is what he told me.” Seokjin placed his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders to keep him engaged.

 

Namjoon let out a harsh breath he didn’t realize he was holding, “Fuck— is it— am I—”

 

“Namjoon,” Seokjin said, interrupting him, “Don’t worry, okay?”

 

Namjoon instinctively shook his head before Seokjin had even finished. “No, no, no. Was it—” Namjoon took in a shaky breath, trying to steady himself and his thoughts to make out a half-decent sentence. “Is he crying because of me?”

 

Seokjin looked only a little speechless as his eyes trailed down to the floor, “I… No, Namjoon. He’s not crying over you.” His eyes were back on Namjoon.

 

“Then why is he crying, hyung? Please?” Namjoon’s voice cracked as his own emotions from earlier caught up with him.

 

“Hoseok… Is upset over a lot right now.” Seokjin said quietly, glancing over his own shoulder to look at his door, quickly looking back to Namjoon. “Just… Get to bed and don’t worry, okay?”

 

Namjoon’s head was pounding lightly, his breaths taking more effort than usual, and he just felt suffocated in general—felt like he was acting instead of living and stepping on thin ice around everybody he knew.

 

“I don’t know if I can do that, Seokjin. I— I was coming to talk to you but obviously… I can’t.” Namjoon’s “I can’t” came out a little harsher than he intended, seeming to be words he had a hard time forming.

 

“Go back to your room, Joonie,” Namjoon internally winced at the nickname, hearing it last from the members since his incident with Hoseok in the dance studio. “I’ll be in when I know Hoseok is in a decent headspace, okay? Please, I promise.”

 

Namjoon couldn’t do much with himself except nod, looking on as Seokjin smiled and reopened the door to reveal a teary and red-faced Hoseok for only a second before the door was shut again.

 

Namjoon trudged his way back to his room, considering going to the practice room to work off steam as he passed the front door, but decided against it as the memories of his affair with Hoseok in it resurfaced for at least the 5th time today.

 

Quietly opening his door to be met with the bright, almost blinding lights, he closed his door and immediately fell onto his bed, having to hold back from letting his tears slip down his face and once again bottling everything up. Namjoon eventually fell asleep after that, but still dealt with a restless sleep that wasn’t very helpful for his busy schedule the next day.

 

Namjoon managed to bottle up his emotions again, but this time he only lasted about a month before he was back outside Seokjin’s door, this time at about 10PM. He briefly lifted his knuckles to the door, just barely making any sound but Seokjin still managed to hear it, coming to the door and seeming surprised that Namjoon was planted there.

 

“Hey, Joon. What do you need?” He presented himself with a smile, something Namjoon didn’t want to see at the moment with what was on his mind.

 

“I need to talk to you.” Namjoon said quietly, almost a whisper and Seokjin’s smile dropped from his face as fast as it appeared as he let Namjoon into his room.

 

Namjoon took a seat on the end of Seokjin’s bed, having Seokjin sit next to him after he shut the door. The only thing Namjoon did to start was shrug and make a sarcastic face. “I don’t know what the fuck is happening to me, hyung. I don’t know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, why I’m lying to everyone and ruining relationships, friendships . I’ve been so fucking selfish and I just— I can’t. I can’t handle it anymore, Seokjin, I don’t know how. ” His head fell into his hands as he became choked up, unable to keep talking for the moment.

 

Seokjin began rubbing Namjoon’s back soothingly as he began to speak softly, “What do you mean, Namjoon-ah? I need details, or an example, even “hypothetical”s to help give you some piece of advice.”

 

Namjoon took a moment to regain himself, looking straight ahead as he spoke quickly. “I made out with Hoseok.”

 

Namjoon couldn’t see Seokjin’s immediate reaction, but he guesses he was pretty surprised by how the hand on his back slowed to a stop, eventually removing itself and probably going back to Seokjin’s lap.

 

“When, um… When did you…”

 

“About a month and a half ago. Right after the album dropped.” Namjoon breathed out, eyes still trained on the wall in from of him, “It was in the dance studio and it just… Happened. We didn’t say much after, but I felt like a fucking kid in a candy shop with a dumb grin on my face, meanwhile Hoseok didn’t even say goodnight to me when we got back, just went straight to his room and left me in the fucking foyer to feel shitty. Just when I thought I had gotten somewhere—made some kind of progress, he just flips my world upside down again and then acts like nothing ever happened. I’m so fucking sick of this, hyung, I just want it to stop, please.”

 

“Namjoon-ah, you’re crying.” Seokjin said, a little surprise coating his otherwise soft voice. He reached a hand up to Namjoon’s face to wipe away the falling droplets, finally getting Namjoon to face him.

 

Namjoon forced out a chuckle, “Yeah, I’m fucking upset. People cry when they’re upset.”

 

“Well,” Seokjin began, halting his tear-wiping, “At least you know a little more than you did before. Hoseok willingly kissed you, so..”

 

Namjoon raised his voice slightly, “That’s the fucking point!” He broke down into more tears, swatting at Seokjin trying to comfort him, “Now I know what’s it like, hyung! I— ..Now I know what it’s like to actually kiss him for more than a few seconds and to have to chance to fucking kiss back and to have him touch me and fully get the experience and now I just— I need it, hyung. And I can’t have it and— it’s killing me, honestly.” Namjoon forced out another airy laugh.

 

Seokjin looked a little wordless as he simply leaned over and finally, successfully hugged Namjoon, allowing Namjoon the smallest of privacy to literally cry on Seokjin’s shoulder. After a few minutes, Namjoon finally calmed himself down a little and leaned away from Seokjin with a puffy face. “What do I do, hyung?”

 

The older looked down at his hands for a few moments before landing his eyes back on Namjoon’s. “You’re not going to like this, but… My best advice for this is to give it time, honestly. I would bet money that Hoseok feels the same towards you, so don’t worry about that, but… You two are both in a field that doesn’t allow dating, and are both in a place that doesn’t really allow men to be with men. Imagine the reactions if you two were to just come out in a gay relationship right now.”

 

“I’ve been imagining that over and over for probably a year and a half, hyung. I know.” Namjoon smiled sadly.

 

“Holy shit.”

 

Namjoon silently agreed with his astonishment, looking down at his own lap, where his hands had been toying around with themselves during the conversation.

 

“Just… Give it a little more time, Joon. I promise you it’ll be a little different.”

 

And Namjoon did just that. Told himself it would be different than the last 19 months he’d endured of hiding (define hiding…) his crush on Hoseok from almost everybody. At first, there was nothing different like Seokjin had told him but after maybe two months, some changes were made. Hoseok began choosing Namjoon again on Run episodes, and started to ride with Namjoon again whenever they had to travel somewhere for an awards show or showcase. Namjoon liked it.

 

It changed even more as a little more time came, and Namjoon thanked anything and everything that he had actually waited this out like Seokjin suggested. Hoseok was more openly clingy with Namjoon, and there were noticeably less gaps in-between where Hoseok would leave Namjoon deserted after clinging to him.

 

Even better, in about four or five months time, Hoseok and Namjoon were back to being the best friends they were years ago. Namjoon had briefly thanked Seokjin for being psychic to him and Hoseok’s thready relationship.

 

At the seven month mark, Namjoon was tipping on the verge of telling Hoseok how he felt. He had considered every possible outcome and planned for each one as much as he could. Which in retrospect, went like this: if Namjoon told Hoseok how he felt and Hoseok felt the same, they’d keep it a secret (Namjoon thinks Hoseok would strongly agree there). If Hoseok didn’t feel the same, Namjoon would hope to every god that might be there that Hoseok would keep it between them and forget everything.

 

Currently, that’s what Namjoon was preparing himself for. The outcomes that he might not be in control of. What if Hoseok did happen to tell the company? Or it leaked? Or what if Hoseok would just crush him?

 

The last option was the one that would hurt the most. Namjoon highly doubted it would happen, since Hoseok was a nice and caring person the last time he checked but… The last time he checked, Hoseok had also been hurt a little in regards to relationships. Hoseok once shared that he had a girlfriend who cheated on him, and then when he was a trainee he told his crush he loved her and got his heart crushed. Ever since the boys found this out, it made a lot more sense why he wasn’t a huge fan of fanservice. Hoseok hated fake love.

 

It made more sense because everything Hoseok did was genuine. And that factored with the possible outcomes became Namjoon’s phobia. Hoseok genuinely made out with him. Hoseok was genuinely being touchy with him. And Namjoon was genuinely head-over-heels for him.

 

Namjoon was walking home from being holed up in his studio all day to escape Hoseok, who’d been at home. Namjoon was listening to recommended music while enjoying the chill of night in Seoul. It was sometime between midnight and 1AM so the streets were rather empty, some businessmen here and there. But as he was nearly done with his short stroll to the dorm, he saw a couple come around the street corner, alive and full of energy as they raced each other down the sidewalk and sometimes onto the empty street. Normally, Namjoon would think, “Idiots, get out of the street before you get hit” but tonight was different, it touched Namjoon differently and he smiled at the couple, having the time of day (or night) to be happy with each other, carefree. Namjoon wanted that.

 

Yes, God, Namjoon wanted that.

 

He sped up his pace a little bit, more determined to get home now that he had a goal in mind. He’s going to tell Hoseok how he feels. He took out his phone and texted Hoseok quickly, asking him if he was awake. Unsurprisingly, he got an immediate response saying that he was, and Namjoon didn’t respond after that.

 

When Namjoon got back, he saw all the lights off in the main rooms, some lights on in only half the rooms, Hoseok’s and Jimin’s shared room being dark.

 

Namjoon walked up to their door, even raised his hand to knock but suddenly the wind and confidence he just had was ripped out of him and his hand fell back to his side with a soft exhale. He couldn’t do it.

 

He walked farther into the dorm to his own room, closing the door softly behind him. Namjoon turned the light on and changed into pajamas (specifically with Koya all over them) then turn the lights back off, proceeding to throw himself down into bed, trying to fall asleep before his emotions came back to bite.

 

Namjoon was slipping in and out of sleep, an decided to finally take a moment and collect his thoughts when the clock struck 2AM. The bright numbers and letters from his clock lit up his view of his nightstand only a little. Namjoon was about to get back under his blankets and try sleeping again before he heard soft knocks at his door.

 

“Yeah?” Namjoon called out.

 

The door opened slowly, revealing a dark figure standing uneasily in his doorway. Namjoon spoke towards the figure again as he started walking into Namjoon’s room, closing the door quietly.

 

“Hey, I can’t see so please don’t be pulling a prank on me.” Namjoon begged tiredly.

 

There was a small giggle from where the figure was assumed to be standing (it was pitch black in Namjoon’s room, except the not-very-helpful clock on his nightstand) which helped Namjoon identify the figure as Hoseok.

 

“Hoseok hyung? Is that you?” He sat up a little straighter, looking around nearly aimlessly for him.

 

Namjoon’s bed dipped, scaring him slightly. “Yes, Joonie. It’s me.”

 

Namjoon felt a little more at ease for a few moments before tensing up again. “Why.. are you in here? It’s like 2AM, you should be asleep.”

 

“So should you.” Hoseok said, sounding like he was facing away from Namjoon.

 

“Well, I’ve been trying, at least. You don’t even sound that tired.” Namjoon rubbed his neck, maybe because of his building nerves.

 

Hoseok chuckled, shifting on the bed, “It’s ‘cos I’m not tired, but… I came with a question.” Hoseok paused for a few moments, “Why were you outside my door earlier?”

 

Namjoon blushed. “How did you know that I was even there?”

 

“I saw your feet blocking the light, then I heard you sigh and you walked away, so. I’m just curious, I guess.”

 

Namjoon nodded slowly, momentarily forgetting that Hoseok couldn’t see him. “Uhm, I was just… Gonna tell you something. It can wait, though, nothing important.” Namjoon brushed it off as much as possible.

 

“Well, I’m here now. Might as well tell me.” Hoseok said matter-of-factly.

 

Namjoon considered just saying it outright for a moment. But if he couldn’t do it earlier, what makes him think he could do it now?

 

Luckily, Hoseok spoke after Namjoon replied with silence. “You know, Namjoon, I’ve had you on my mind a lot lately. Well,” Hoseok scoffed, “Lately meaning a while, but still.” Namjoon listened intently. “It sounds stupid now, considering it’s been so long, but after that little mishap in New York it let me peek at what I’d wanted for about four years anyway. Like shit, you were amazing before then but after kissing you it was like a whole new door opened and it’s… Pretty overwhelming.”

 

Namjoon’s mouth was dry, and he blamed it on the fact that Hoseok had liked him before New York. Hoseok has had this period of cat and mouse much longer than Namjoon had.

 

“I started thinking about you more than I could handle and started seeing our relationship differently. Not a bad different, not.. really, at least. It was only bad right after, when I tried my best to get away from you because I thought it could stop how you were basically living in my head, but it only made it worse.”

 

Hoseok spoke quietly, his voice soothing Namjoon. “I thought I could actually bare it, but then that night after practice happened and… Fuck, I was a goner.” Hoseok paused to take a deep breath, speaking a little quieter, “What I’m trying to say is that I like you, Namjoon-ah. Much, much more than a friend. If friends thought about each other the way I think about you then fuck, the other guys and I are complete strangers.”

 

Namjoon laughed a little at the example.

 

“And before you respond, I know that there are dating regulations. I know that. Which is why I really hate liking you so much. It’s like a knife at my throat every day but I needed you to know. I needed to get it off my chest, even if you end up hating me afterwards. And if you do, fake liking me because I don’t wanna bring the group down because of this, that would fucking kill me.”

 

Namjoon smiled gently, realizing slowly that they still were unable to see each other. “Hoseok, look towards my voice.”

 

He assumed Hoseok did so silently, so Namjoon reached forward slowly, luckily finding his neck easily and placing a hand on it to hold Hoseok’s face in place. His other hand reached up to near the other hand, landing on his face to get a hint of what he’s doing.

 

Namjoon moved a little closer, now on his knees in front of Hoseok who was criss-crossed and now able to feel Hoseok’s breath ghosting his lips. “I like you more than a friend, too.”

 

Their lips came together like magnets, Namjoon smiling into the kiss involuntarily. Hoseok’s hands found their place on Namjoon’s waist and hips, which made Namjoon smile even bigger. He was happy. Maybe the happiest he’d been in a very long time and it was breathtaking. Literally. Namjoon leaned back for a small breath. Their kisses weren’t heated, just gentle, like they were testing the waters despite having done this twice before.

 

They continued their testing, but after they both were too out of breath to go back at it, Namjoon backed away a little, sitting back like Hoseok was and recollecting his thoughts.

 

Hoseok spoke quickly, “I wanna do that more often.”

 

“Me too,” Namjoon said.

 

Namjoon reached forward again, finding Hoseok’s hand and moved that hand to hold around his back so they were hugging with Namjoon’s head on Hoseok. He groaned quietly into Hoseok’s chest, slowly leaning back with him still in his grasp.

 

“Let’s sleep, Joon-ah,” Hoseok offered as he fell next to Namjoon on his bed, his arms instantly wrapping around him.

 

“Okay.” Namjoon said simply, actually feeling relieved enough to fall asleep. He didn’t care about what tomorrow would bring, not at all. Because right now, he was in Hoseok’s arms and that’s all he needed.

 

Waking up was a little challenging though. His alarm went off at 7AM sharp, blaring the preset Apple alarm noise through the room. Namjoon groaned, going to roll over to shut off the sound before he was stopped by something. Hoseok was still here.

 

It warmed Namjoon’s heart that he hadn’t gotten up before him and just left (like he had expected). Namjoon carefully maneuvered around the other body and tapped his phone screen, shutting the alarm off.

 

“You have to get up already?” Hoseok’s groggy voice was heard quietly below Namjoon, the alarm probably woke him up too.

 

“Yeah,” Namjoon laid back down to face Hoseok. His face was slightly illuminated from the light coming from the outside, giving him a more angelic look. “I have a photoshoot with…”

 

Hoseok rewrapped an arm around Namjoon, cuddling into his chest tightly, “Shh… Just like, five more minutes of this.”

 

Namjoon chuckled, not planning to argue with him. “Just five minutes…”

 

Those five minutes had turned into ten minutes, and soon, fifteen. Hoseok and Namjoon were both dozing in and out of sleep with some tired conversation here and there. They were sharing a few soft and drowsy kisses when Namjoon’s door suddenly opened fully, the bright light surprising them both. They both sprung up, eyes wide and bodies tensed as they saw Taehyung standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open a little.

 

“Hyungs… Uh, Namjoon hyung, we have to go soon.” Taehyung stands there awkwardly, eventually saying “I’ll be waiting” before leaving and closing the door behind him.

 

It was near silent for a moment, the only noticeable sound being the pairs more labored breathing.

 

“Fuck.” Namjoon broke the silence first, speaking for both of them.

 

Hoseok just hummed, sounding skeptical. “I think we’re still okay.”

 

Namjoon turned his head to look at Hoseok, “Are you crazy? He probably saw us…” Namjoon trailed off.

 

“First of all, yeah, I’m crazy. Crazy for you.”

 

Namjoon groaned, “That was corny as fuck, please don’t ever do that again.”

 

Hoseok ignored him, “And so what if he saw us kissing?” Namjoon grew a little red at the statement, at Hoseok’s boldness, “We both know Tae, Joon-ah. He wouldn’t tell anybody. I doubt he even saw us, we were really quick. And it’s not like the others don’t cuddle every damn night, so why can’t we?”

 

He wanted to say “because we’re the only two members that aren’t actually outwardly affectionate”, but Namjoon was silent, impressed. He raised his hands slowly, beginning to clap for Hoseok who had gone on a tangent.

 

“Oh, please,” Hoseok giggled, making Namjoon smile.

 

Namjoon soon moved over Hoseok, getting out of bed and turning on the light, to which Hoseok reacted by fake screeching and hiding under the covers. Namjoon just laughed at his behavior and searched for clothes for today, knowing he’d be changing into the magazine’s clothing choice anyway. He checked on Hoseok, still finding him hiding under the covers and decided to change as quickly as possible.

 

When he finished, Hoseok was subtly whining for Namjoon from behind him and before Namjoon knew it, Hoseok was back-hugging him warmly. Hoseok placed soft kisses on Namjoon’s neck, and Namjoon had to say that he was happy for this escalation in their… “relationship” already. Namjoon figured they were going to talk about that eventually but until then Namjoon would just say that they’re in a predicament.

 

After freshening himself up, Namjoon soon had to leave the room and face a rather empty and quiet dorm, if it wasn’t for Taehyung waiting near the door for him.

 

“Hey, let’s go.” Taehyung was as punctual as ever, and his straightforwardness was to be expected—it was 7:30AM on a Saturday.

 

They both went down to the garage of their building where a black vehicle was waiting for them. They entered silently, taking their own seats and buckling up for the ride. Namjoon wondered if Taehyung was going to ask him about this morning, but Taehyung never spoke up about it the entire ride.

 

Their shoot only took a few hours and Namjoon was now awake and ready to take on the day. Getting back to the dorm, it was a little after 10AM and Namjoon and Taehyung found everyone still asleep, which wasn’t very surprising considering they didn’t all have to be up until about 4PM for a meeting.

 

Namjoon and Taehyung quietly parted ways, but Namjoon still felt like Taehyung had something to say to him as he left towards Jimin and Hoseok’s shared room, leaving Namjoon slowly stepping to his own.

 

When Namjoon opened the door, he found Hoseok cuddled up in his blankets, sleeping angelically. Namjoon was not going to pass up an opportunity like this so he took out his phone and snapped a photo of him looking like a descendant from the clouds. Afterwards, he took off his jacket and shoes before laying next to Hoseok.

 

This is real. Hoseok is curled up in my bed after telling me he likes me too. Holy shit.

 

After that progression, things got a little more difficult, but it wasn’t anything the two couldn’t handle. The having to be appropriately touchy and not stare for too long was a little hard at first, but they got used it after realizing that once they get home or to the hotel that they can do whatever they want.

 

Another thing that got awkward and a little tense at times was when BTS were being interviewed now, since they would inevitably get the dating question. Namjoon was usually able to avoid a direct answer, but sometimes he had to say things such as “We aren’t dating at the moment,” which usually resulted in Hoseok being a little sadder when they got back, clinging to Namjoon like his life depended on it.

 

Every single day since they discovered how they felt, they feared the worst was right around the corner. That one of the other members would walk in on them making out, tell the company and then BTS would be no more. After all, they’re two guys in Korea, no one there would really accept them.

 

Recently, the two of them have stopped doing some kinds of fanservices. Such as being unnaturally affectionate or literally being asked to kiss another member. They went on small tangents as their reasoning. Namjoon’s were because he did like a living, breathing man with all his heart, and these people were fantasizing about it, wanting some kind of softcore porn from them. Hoseok’s were for relatively the same reason, just adding in that he wants to be genuine in everything he does.

 

Right now, they had a week or so of vacation and all planned on going to Japan. Everyone was excited as they packed their bags and got ready to leave the dorm, and Namjoon was excited that he may get more chances to be alone with Hoseok.

 

The airport was chaotic as always, since their main schedule was public. Luckily, they made it to a private entrance after meeting eyes with the crowds outside. Finally sat in their jet, they began to unwind from all the prying eyes just a little ways away.

 

Namjoon was sat with Seokjin across from him, while Hoseok was diagonal Namjoon and had Yoongi across from him. The younger three were sat right behind them, perfectly in view and audible.

 

“Is everyone excited??” Hoseok called out with a smile. It was a bit random, but as much when Namjoon noticed him holding up his phone, recording a video.

 

There were shouts of yes and then just shouts in general, and quickly Hobi had sat back down and was smiling at his phone as he posted the video for their fans to see.

 

Soon, Namjoon had his seat back and was dozing off to the music in his earbuds. He woke up to someone shaking him gently and whispering his name.

 

“Joonie~”

 

“Please wake up..!”

 

Namjoon realized his earbuds had been taken out and slowly recognized the voice as Hoseok’s. He lifted the mask off his eyes and saw Hoseok standing over him.

 

“Hyung..? Are we there?”

 

Hoseok tilted his head to the side, “Kind of. We’re in the last thirty minutes of the ride so yeah. Seat up, put your stuff back in your bag, stuff like that.”

 

Namjoon nodded, looking forward to see Seokjin asleep. He didn’t hear anything. “Is everyone asleep?”

 

Hoseok shook his head before nodding it to his right. “Jimin and Taehyung cuddled up in one seat to watch a movie and Jungkook’s on his phone with earbuds in. Yoongi and Seokjin are asleep though.

 

Namjoon stands up a little and glances at the other side of the jet, seeing them all how Hoseok said they were. Namjoon sat back down fully, looking a Hoseok for a moment before pulling him in quickly for a kiss. Hoseok did not react the way Namjoon imagined he would. He backed off quickly, looking at Namjoon like he had lost his mind.

 

“Are you insane? ” Hoseok’s voice was still a whisper, “What if they see us? They can just turn around or wake up!”

 

Namjoon shrugs, tired and clingy, “Doubt it. Now kiss me.”

 

Hoseok panickedly looked around, then back at Namjoon, eyes flashing to his lips then back to his eyes. Namjoon waited patiently, knowing he was likely to get his way. And he almost did. Hoseok leaned in just as Jungkook called his name, telling him to look at something on his phone.

 

Hoseok flinched a little at his name being called, but quickly ran over to Jungkook to see what it was. Namjoon sighed in defeat. So close.

 

Soon they were off the plane and being escorted through a private exit to their cars that would bring them to their hotel. The boys got there quick enough and immediately—standing outside of the building with all of their guards and management trying to hurry them along—they were trying to pick roommates. Through rock, paper, scissors.

 

Namjoon had gotten to room with Jungkook, Hoseok was with Yoongi and Taehyung, and Seokjin with Jimin. He didn’t really mind the arrangements, but still, it would’ve been nice to have been placed with Hoseok.

 

Nonetheless, they all finally went inside and made their way up to their bought-out floor. They found their rooms, all next to each other or across from one another, and began unpacking. When they finished, it was about dinner time and Jungkook had told Namjoon that he and Jimin were going adventuring then having dinner. Jungkook left the room about as quickly as he got in it and Namjoon was a little relieved, and thought it would be cool to do that with Hoseok.

 

Walking out of his room, Namjoon stepped across the hall and knocked on the door. Taehyung opened the door, smiling brightly at Namjoon, to which Namjoon returned it.

 

“Hi hyung~” Taehyung cooed, stepping aside to let Namjoon in. He noticed Hoseok and Yoongi lounging on their beds, and then the question arose.

 

“Taehyung-ah, where are you sleeping?”

 

Taehyung pointed to where Hoseok was, who was obviously listening despite having his phone in front of him. “With Hoseok hyung.”

 

Namjoon tried to hide the jealousy that rose slowly within him. It’s fine. Hoseok and Taehyung are literally friends. Taehyung probably asked Yoongi and he said no. Perfectly normal. Members sleeping in the same bed in rather normal. Deep breaths, Namjoon.

 

“Oh, okay.” Namjoon had regained his self control and responded casually, priding himself on how unaffected he sounded. “I was actually here for Hoseok.” He paused, looking at Hoseok, “Wanna explore a little then grab dinner?”

 

Hoseok sprung to life, a smile taking over his face as he put his phone in his pocket. “Yeah! Give me a few minutes to get dressed properly though.” Hoseok was speeding off to his closet next to his bed, which made Namjoon and Taehyung laugh a little.

 

“Someone’s excited..” Namjoon had completely forgotten that Yoongi was in the room until he muttered that.

 

Merely ten minutes later, Namjoon and Hoseok were walking away from their rooms with minimal security following farther behind, at Namjoon’s request. Hoseok was dressed in his expensive streetwear, made to flex on people and made to stand out with the bright colors they contained. They left the hotel in happy silence, beginning to let the bodyguards break off a little farther to make them more comfortable.

 

“Oh! Joonie! Take a picture of me against that wall!” Hoseok was quick to hand Namjoon his phone and jog over to the wall on the side of a rather empty street. Namjoon looked both ways before stepping into the street and making sure he got the best pictures possible of Hoseok. The latter seemed more than satisfied with the pictures, giving Namjoon an unplanned peck of the cheek for his work.

 

They continued, falling into natural conversation about anything that came to mind. One thing on Namjoon’s mind wasn’t being said though. What about them? What are they?

 

When they found themselves overlooking a river just outside the city, Namjoon decided to bring it up gently. “Hoseok… I have a question.” Hoseok nodded for him to continue. “What… What are we? Like, are we… In a relationship officially but just between us, or are we something else? I — I don’t know.” Namjoon trailed off.

 

Hoseok was still looking at the river, admiring the small waves that tore through the calm waters. “I don’t know either, Namjoon. But for now, I guess we’re just Namjoon and Hoseok.” He paused, reaching for Namjoon’s hand and holding it confidently between them. “Namjoon and Hoseok both like each other but can’t exactly label their relationship. They can’t tell anyone or show each other off like normal couples. But they’re in lo — crushing on each other more than ever.” Hoseok told calmly, forcing Namjoon’s nerves on a rollercoaster but in the end he was okay. Namjoon actually liked that answer. And he had an addition.

 

“Okay, Hoseok. I have a proposition now.” He turned fully to look at Hoseok with a small smile. “We’re each others. That’s simple and unlabeling, right? Just… I’m yours, and you’re mine?”

 

Hoseok’s lips formed into his iconic heart-shaped smile, taking barely a step forward and hugging Namjoon tightly, which Namjoon returned easily.

 

“I really like that.” Hoseok breathed into his shoulder. “Being yours.”

 

God, Namjoon’s heart definitely did a fucking flip right then. The words I really like that, being yours will now be the only thing he will think about ever again. They are the only things that matter to Namjoon now.

 

“You’re cute, I love… This.” Namjoon sighed into Hoseok’s shoulder. It’s a little too early for the L word, Namjoon thinks.

 

Hoseok shrugs. “I love you, so, it’s mutual.”

 

Or not.

 

“Fuck, Hoseok, you can’t just- you can’t do that. My heart can’t fucking take it, hyung.” Namjoon complains, separating from Hoseok a little to look like he’s in pain, holding his hand over his heart.

 

Hoseok just laughed, “I only speak the truth.”

 

“God, if you don’t shut up right now, I’m gonna kiss you here in front of everyone.” Namjoon “threatened”.

 

Hoseok raised an eyebrow with a smile, slightly unimpressed, “You wouldn’t do that, Namjoon-ah. You’re too busy thinking about if someone’s watching us right now.”

 

Namjoon sighed in defeat. “Okay, fine, maybe you’re right, but I’d like to. Kiss you, I mean. I’d like to kiss you in front of the world, if I could.”

 

With a shake of his head, Hoseok smiled playfully and grabbed Namjoon’s arm to keep exploring Tokyo. “So cheesy.”

 

They kept exploring the city, mindful of their security following them within the crowds. There were photoshoots at many vandalized walls and many crowds. Hoseok and Namjoon were so similar but so different in taste, it was hard to place them together as each other’s.

 

Eventually, maybe around seven, they stopped at a road that had vendors with food lined up the stretch. Stepping into the crowd, the two went from booth to booth trying different foods for maybe an hour, until they were both full.

Now collapsed on a bench not too far from where they just were, they debated on getting a taxi to the hotel or just walking back.

 

The two began walking back after deciding that “we can do it once, we can do it again”. Not even five minutes into their journey though and they were trying to hail a cab, having let their bodyguards know of their changed plans.

 

Once back at the hotel, Namjoon’s watch told him it was 9:30PM. Hoseok ended up following Namjoon to his currently empty room, and when Namjoon flopped onto his bed, Hoseok wasn’t far behind him.

 

Falling onto him with a graceful “oof” and then laughing, he quieted down and laid his head on his chest, listening to Namjoon’s heartbeat as it slowly sped up.

 

“Do you know when Jungkook is gonna be back?” Hoseok muttered, fingers drawing invisible lines over Namjoon’s stomach and side.

 

Hoseok felt Namjoon’s voice vibrate throughout his body, “No, he didn’t say. I can text him?” Namjoon’s hands began traveling from his side to rest on Hoseok’s back, getting warmth from his body.

 

Hoseok hummed to say “no”, feeling his eyes begin to close on the comfort of Namjoon’s chest mixed with the assurance of Namjoon’s hand on his back.

 

“Ah.. Hobi hyung,” Namjoon spoke a little loudly to get Hoseok’s full attention, “You can’t fall asleep here.”

 

Hoseok whined out some noise that sounded like a dying goat but in a tone of a child throwing a fit, and to match, Hoseok asked, “Why not?!” Namjoon just chuckled at his attitude switch before Hoseok spoke again, “You’re more comfortable than my bed, and my bed isn’t Namjoon so I don’t see why not. And I’d much rather sleep with you than with Tae.”

 

Namjoon of course knew the context, but he couldn’t help the heat rushing to his face as he was now thinking about the other meaning of “sleep with”, causing him to be silent.

 

Hoseok caught on quickly, looking up at Namjoon and hitting his side, “Not like that!”

 

But Namjoon’s thoughts were swarmed with that now. Were they going to have sex one day? And how? Namjoon realized he didn’t know how he would even do that with a man, he’d never seen it. Namjoon’s not a virgin, but he’s never been with a guy. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, he’s sprinting aimlessly into these things, but now he’s curious.

 

When Hoseok eventually left and went back to his own room, Namjoon decided to do some… Research. Yeah, research.

 

“Is there really just a whole ‘nother version of PornHub for gay porn?” Were his first thoughts.

 

For an hour or so, Namjoon scanned through videos, inevitably getting turned on, but still trying his best to study what’s actually happening in the videos so he has some kind of grasp on how this works between two guys. Namjoon realizes that porn isn’t accurate to the real thing, he knows this, but it’s all he’s got.

 

His first day in Japan has been eventful. Him and Hoseok went out for the day, Hoseok said he loves Namjoon (holy shit), and because of Hoseok, Namjoon’s trying to study gay sex, of all things.

 

Namjoon’s second day in Japan was a little more tense than the first. All of them went out for breakfast and dinner, getting lunch on their own time, but Hoseok seemed a bit off to Namjoon. His replies seemed dry and automated, he wasn’t as touchy when they didn’t have prying eyes, and maybe it’s just Namjoon overthinking, but it feels like Hoseok was trying to avoid him.

 

The next day was the same until after dinner, Namjoon wasn’t about to tolerate Hoseok avoiding him already. So, after having had three drinks over his limit at dinner, he visited Hoseok’s hotel room where it was only Yoongi and Hoseok at the moment and tried getting Hoseok out of the room as nicely as his drunk and angry self could. Which, was a little bit of yelling that got Yoongi’s attention, but was told to stay out of it as Namjoon somewhat dragged Hoseok out of the room. Bad move.

 

As soon as the door shut behind them and Namjoon was ready to drunkenly talk things out with Hoseok, a slap landed on his face.

 

“What the hell was that, Namjoon?” Hoseok got out through gritted teeth.

 

Namjoon rubbed his cheek, in awe of Hoseok’s action. Before even beginning their “conversation”, Namjoon already feels defeated, maybe like he had some soberness slapped into him.

 

“I… You slapped me.” Namjoon more states than anything else. He didn’t really have anything to say. Why was he mad again?

 

“Yeah, and I’ll do it again if it can knock the alcohol out of you.” Hoseok’s tone was sharp with authority. Namjoon had never heard him like this in the nearing nine years that he’d known him.

 

“Just… I wanted to talk to you about somethin’ and… You weren’t coming, so.” Namjoon shrugs, “I didn’t mean to like… I dunno, embarrass you.” He finished quietly.

 

Hoseok’s voice was low, to keep their conversation to themselves instead of letting the security guards on the floor hear them. “And what could be so important that you pulled me, physically, out of my room?”

 

Namjoon knows how this goes, what he should say. But the alcohol blurred a few words in his premade sentences and selected a different tone. “Why have you been hating me? What did I do? It’s like you’ve never fucking seen me before, acting awkward ‘n shit.”

 

Hoseok scoffed, “Jeez, I knew you drank a bit at dinner, but I didn’t realize it was this much. Let’s talk about this when your not drunk, Namjoon.”

“I’m not that drunk, please, Hoseok.” The desperateness was dripping from Namjoon’s words, his emotions all over the place. “I just.. I don’t want to go back to the way we were and you scared me with this and it’s really scary to think that we’d go back to just friends, because I really don’t want to but you just… You seemed like that’s what you were doing.. rejecting me.” Namjoon spilled a bit more from his mind than he intended but he hoped he still got his point across.

 

Slowly, Hoseok’s arms encased Namjoon’s body, making Namjoon’s heart swell. Hoseok wasn’t that mad. Namjoon hugged back, but still fought him.

 

“You shouldn’t be hugging me,” Namjoon stated.

 

“Why not?” Hoseok mumbled into his chest.

 

“Because I’m sweating and hot and there’s no way that’s nice to hug.” Namjoon gave a dry laugh with his words, only making Hoseok grip him tighter.

 

“Those things aren’t nice to hug, yeah, but you are.”

 

“Stop being so fucking cheesy, hyung.”

 

The next day after Namjoon had finally found the strength to crawl out of bed, Hoseok and Jungkook were by his side faster than light for almost no reason at all. Trying to ease him into the world of soberness really wasn’t necessary for Namjoon, it wasn’t like it was his first hangover.

 

Jungkook eventually left to get lunch with Seokjin and Yoongi, leaving just Hoseok and Namjoon, and Namjoon still had questions that led to more questions.

 

“Hoseok hyung…” He started, playing with Hoseok’s hair since he was lying down in Namjoon’s lap.

 

Hoseok hummed for him to continue, scrolling through their twitter notifications.

 

Now, the door was open for Namjoon and he had to think quick about what question would be the best to present first.

 

“Have you ever had sex with a guy?”

 

Namjoon watched Hoseok’s hands freeze and slowly move to shut his phone off, laying it on his stomach. “Why?”

 

“Just— uh… This is stupid, just answer yes or no.” Namjoon became flushed, unable to fight it anymore. He sits up to better talk with Hoseok.

 

Hoseok chuckled quietly at Namjoon’s obvious embarrassment. “Well.. yeah, I have. Have you?”

 

“No, no. I uh, I’ve only been with women, but um, I’m asking because if you remember a few nights ago we kind of joked about it but… I don’t actually know how sex with a guy works.”

 

Hoseok sat up from Namjoon’s lap, putting his phone aside and sitting to face Namjoon.

 

“Are you saying you want to have sex with me?”

 

Namjoon sputtered out words that morphed into sounds of panic at the accusation. Well, it was true, but Namjoon didn’t want Hoseok to know that. Or maybe he did? Isn’t it an insult to not want to have sex with your… not-boyfriend?

 

“No comment.” Namjoon finally got out a full phrase as soon as the words came to mind.

 

Hoseok just laughed quietly, “If it makes you feel any better, I want to have sex with you.”

 

Hoseok’s habit to say these things in such a matter-of-fact tone was almost aggravating to Namjoon. How could he just say something so personal and intimate like he was just telling him his favorite color?

 

“I’m sure that was meant to boost my self esteem but it only boosted my anxiety.”

 

Hoseok laughed at that, throwing his body forward onto Namjoon’s but leaned back when he was finished with his laughing fit.

 

“Please, baby, it’s not really anything to stress over.It’s kind of something that comes to you, depending on what you’re doing.” Hoseok tried to soothe Namjoon’s nerves, the nickname definitely doing something to him.

 

“Yes it is! What if we end up having sex and I don’t know what the fuck to do?”

 

Hoseok snorts, but comes back quickly, “Well, we could act it out, so you get the gist of it.”

 

Namjoon’s eyes widen. “Right now?”

 

Hoseok shrugs. Namjoon internally collapses. Fuck.

 

“Kiss me, first of all.” Hoseok says, completely serious.

 

Namjoon hesitates, unsure if he’s joking or not, but leans in and begins making out with Hoseok. Namjoon is soon pushed lightly back down onto his bed, and his body is already on fire. Everywhere Hoseok’s hands land on his body is a new flame igniting on his skin, despite being clothed in a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants.

 

“You okay?” Hoseok asks, already knowing the answer since they’ve done this step before, but nothing further.

 

Namjoon nods, swallowing and leaning back up to meet Hoseok’s lips again.

 

Hoseok trailed his lips down, landing on his jawline and leaving more kisses there before moving further towards his neck, obviously excited and quickly leaving hickies that had Namjoon needing small gasps of air. The process only hurt for a second, and the marks were bound to be painted over with purple at the end of whatever this was.

 

Hoseok detached himself, smiling sarcastically, “You say you’ve been with girls and you bottom so well, it’s satisfying.”

 

Namjoon shot him a confused expression, “Bottom?”

 

Hoseok’s smile dropped a little then picked up gain, “I’ll explain it to you later.”

 

Soon, the two were back at it and Namjoon was loving this. He barely knew what was happening, but he loved it. The heat from Hoseok’s lips was traveling downwards, getting Namjoon in a desperate state.

 

Hoseok noticed Namjoon’s growing issue, moving a hand and beginning to tease the tent in Namjoon’s sweatpants, getting more small whines out of him. Easily, Namjoon had never been this turned on by something so simple.

 

Hoseok eventually took a full hold of Namjoon’s member through his pants, lazily moving his hand as much as he could up and down around it. Namjoon was moaning quietly into Hoseok’s mouth, wishing he could speed up his hand.

 

“Hyung, I… Fuck, please,” Namjoon couldn’t think straight at the moment.

 

“Please what?” Hoseok’s teasing tone made Namjoon want to slap him.

 

“F-Faster, please.” Namjoon whispered, his voice not able to get any louder if he could help it.

 

“I have a better idea,” Hoseok offers, which doesn’t make sense to Namjoon since he removes his hand entirely. Namjoon’s about to curse Hoseok out but soon feels Hoseok subtly grinding on Namjoon, and agrees that yes, this is a better idea.

 

Namjoon’s mind is spinning and he feels like he’s having an out of body experience. Is it Hoseok making this godlike or is sex with men just better?

 

Namjoon is now fully hard without a doubt, and Hoseok begins to grind down on him faster, still having their lips almost fully on each other despite Hoseok’s movement. Speaking of, Hoseok began going a bit faster and harder, making Namjoon stutter out swears and try to hold back moans, upsetting Hoseok a little bit.

 

“Don’t be quiet,” Hoseok whispers the all-knowing words against Namjoon’s lips, making him tense up since he was being exposed when he thought he was being subtle.

 

After that revelation, Hoseok somehow moved even faster, and Namjoon isn’t even sure he could hold himself back from moaning aloud if he wanted to. His sounds filled the room as a heat began pooling inside him, telling him he’d only last a little bit longer.

 

“Hoseok, I— I’m close.” Namjoon gritted out.

 

“Hm,” Hoseok hummed, “Gonna cum just from me grinding on you?”

 

The small tad of degradation did something to Namjoon, something amazing . Namjoon whined out a “yes” and was starting to buck his hips for even more friction, unable to help himself.

 

Not long after, Namjoon moaned out louder than he had during the entire time, coming in his pants with gritted teeth and with Hoseok kissing over the hickies from not long ago, letting Namjoon indulge in his post-orgasm effects.

 

Hoseok hesitantly leaned back, stopping his body from going against Namjoon anymore to overstimulate him. Namjoon was just regaining his thoughts, and that’s when he realized something.

 

“You’re still hard.” Namjoon said carefully, unsure if he should point it out or not.

 

“Yeah, I am.” Hoseok’s voice is breathy, “I’ll take care of myself in the bathroom in you wanna clean yourself up out here.”

 

Namjoon just nods dumbfoundedly, watching Hoseok get up from his bed and walk stiffly into the bathroom. It would’ve been funny if Namjoon couldn’t feel his cum drying uncomfortably in his underwear.

 

He changes quickly, cleaning himself before he lays back on the bed, flipping the pillow so he doesn’t lay his head on sweat.

 

After muffled moans come from the bathroom that catch Namjoon’s attention, a few minutes later, Hoseok is back out in the room, sliding into the bed next to Namjoon and moving him onto his lap.

 

“So, Namjoon-ah, that’s the very basics.”

 

Namjoon chuckles a little at his simplicity, “Am I allowed to skip to advanced?”

 

Hoseok laughs, Namjoon joining him. “We finished with clothes on, Joonie. We both know you have a little ways to go before you can start doing some things.”

 

“Well, from what I read, you need lots of lube I guess, and then a lot of prep, and yeah.” Namjoon toys with his fingers, feeling stupid saying the summary of articles he read a few nights ago out loud.

 

Hoseok giggled, “You actually read up on sex, that’s cute.”

 

Before Hoseok could have the chance to say anything else, Namjoon asked a question impulsively, “What’s bottoming?”

 

After that night, something shifted between Hoseok and Namjoon. It wasn’t bad, in fact, it was like they’d opened another door in their relationship. And they had. But they tried not to focus on it too much to seem obsessed with the idea, and instead focused on their vacation in Japan. They basked in the freedom of small amounts of cameras and dreaded the paparazzi went they were on the flight back home.

 

They got back to their dorm almost safely, almost being a key word because Jungkook was tripped in the airport by a “fan”. He wasn’t injured, but it was a little out of place since normally fans didn’t actually get to the members often anymore. When it happened, they all stopped for a split second and stared at him, his small grunt and tongue against the cheek of his mouth was him telling the security and members to walk faster.

 

Controlling their temper wasn’t as easy as everyone thought it was. They didn’t always push off the insults and hate thrown their way. Namjoon usually finds it on twitter about them, and when he finds things written about Hoseok… He’s a whole different guy about it.

 

Now since he’s back at the dorm, Namjoon can’t spend nearly a enough time with Hoseok apart from when they both decide to sacrifice sleep to stay after dance practice and just hang out there, since they don’t have any other opportunity to do the basic things of a relationship.

 

But a few months later, it was time to do “ARMY promotions” as Namjoon liked to call them. They’d done a few albums in the last year and a half now, so they were now doing give-backs to ARMY. It was definitely high on their list of things they love to do, since they got to have fun and sometimes their fans could participate and do their games with them, it was the best feeling.

 

Namjoon loved the Musters, the FanCafe packages, but now all Namjoon could really get excited about was the upcoming summer package they were doing in Bora Bora. God, Namjoon was so fucking excited for that. He’d wanted to go to Bora Bora probably all his life, and getting to go there with Hoseok and his best friends? Sounds like a dream.

 

But it wasn’t, because in reality, he and the other members along with a temporary staff member/flight attendant were aboard another jet on their way to Bora Bora, and Namjoon was visibly glowing. His smile was bright and excited, which was a gleeing sight to the other members.

 

“Joonie hyung seems pretty happy about this trip,” Jungkook laughed from his seat, setting his oversized backpack down.

 

Namjoon nodded, giggling, “I’ve always wanted to go to Bora Bora! And going with you guys is so perfect, I just can’t believe this is happening.”

 

There were a few empty seats left on this ride, and there was even a bed in the back of the cabin which Seokjin and Taehyung were arguing over. Their argument looking like Taehyung trying to push past Seokjin who had his fist out, yelling at him to play rock, paper, scissors to see who gets the room.

 

“Just share it, you idiots!” Jimin yelled, laughing at the end and causing sparks of giggles from the members in their seats.

 

The two shrugged and went into the room together, setting their bags down and half closing the door. Everyone else began to spread out, or rather, think about spreading out since they were still yet to take off.

 

Jimin and Jungkook got sat next to each other, with Yoongi having his own window seat on the other side. This seating arrangement left Hoseok and Namjoon in the two seats near the front of the jet, basking in their one percent of privacy.

 

Soon, they were in the air and everybody had now started to get comfortable. Hoseok and Namjoon eventually moved to be sitting across from each other, chatting for the first bit of the flight until they were about two and a hours into their 13 and half hours flight. Hoseok was the first one to fall asleep, and Namjoon was out like a light soon after.

 

When he woke up, they were about an hour away and Hoseok was sitting with the other three, playing some game with them. Namjoon walked over to where they were and joined them, taking the only open seat, which was next to Yoongi.

 

“What’s happenin’?” Namjoon asked, yawning immediately after he finished.

 

“We’re playing Word Chain, wanna join?” Jungkook offered, doe eyes on display.

 

“No..!” Jimin whined, “Namjoon hyung always wins this game.”

 

A little bit of democracy later and Namjoon was playing (and indeed winning) at their little game. Jimin hadn’t been surprised when Namjoon had indeed won against Jungkook, eventually.

 

“What did I say? I told you guys he’d win!” Jimin sat back and pouted with his arms crossed. They all cooed at him, making him sit upright.

 

The flight attendant knocked and came through their cabin to tell them that they should all get back in their seats now. Heading back to their seats, Namjoon and Hoseok brushed hands a little less accidentally than they tried to make it look like.

 

They sat in silence as the plane went through the landing process, and before they knew it, they were being escorted on the tarmac. When they walked through the airport, for once, there were no fans. And honestly, it was a breath of fresh air for the boys to not have to worry about them.

 

After their first day settling in and adapting to the timezone change, the photoshoots and videos of their activities began. The pairs were Yoongi with Jungkook, Seokjin with Taehyung, Jimin with Jungkook or Taehyung sometimes, and Namjoon and Hoseok.

 

Everyone were taken to different parts of the town to do different shoots. Seokjin, Jimin and Taehyung visited marine life and Yoongi and Jungkook were just inside a hut doing party-like photoshoots. Hoseok and Namjoon were brought to a kind of hut on the beach too, a bit more on grass though. It was like a two person party scene and it was fun for them, even though they broke their stances a bit and laughed whenever they got close.

 

At the end of the day, they were all rather wiped out when they returned to their hotel, all going into their own rooms with barely a goodnight. They had rooms with whoever they were paired with, which was a very lucky break in Hoseok and Namjoon’s case. They both fell onto one of the beds in the room, Hoseok instantly enveloping Namjoon in a lazy hug.

 

“Today was fun Joon-ah..” Hoseok said, half muffled and obviously very tired.

 

“Yeah, I’m really excited we get to be here. It’s even better that I can be here with you.” Namjoon replied, as cheesy but as truthful as ever.

 

The next few days were just photos, then it was the videos, which concluded their first week in Bora Bora. They still had another week that they were told to use as a mini vacation, which they weren’t entirely complaining about. Yoongi was complaining because he didn’t pack his MIDI controller, but that’s about it.

 

They all went out and about nearly every night, drunk off their asses and having a wicked fun time. It was their second-to-last night in Bora Bora and Namjoon, Jimin, Hoseok and Yoongi were out at a bar on the beach. It was as late as they normally went out, but this was their first beach bar that they had found. They had a security guard watching them from a hut not so far away, which almost ruined their fun a few times, but they almost entirely ignored him.

 

A few more drinks into the night and Hoseok was hammered. Hoseok had very little tolerance and it was a little funny to watch Hoseok go from his normally cheery self to an existential mess in just a matter of minutes. When they left red-faced, Yoongi was wine tipsy with Jimin and Namjoon (who was undoubtedly the most sober) was trying to get Hoseok back to the room.

 

Basically carrying Hoseok the short walk to the hotel was a gem of blackmail for Yoongi and Jimin, who were walking a few steps in front of them. When they finally got through the doors of the hotel, Namjoon rushed to get Hoseok to the room, not wanting him to puke or fall over, both would be a worst case scenario, honestly.

 

When Namjoon finally threw Hoseok down onto the other bed, Hoseok groaned but laid there peacefully. Namjoon took this as his chance to get changed and then help Hoseok out a little. Namjoon knows he didn’t bring any pain relievers or hangover-helpers because he didn’t even intend on drinking that much, but he knows Hoseok will need them in the morning. He moved past Hoseok and searched his suitcase at the foot of his bed. When searching in the smaller pockets, he found things he definitely wasn’t looking for.

 

He held and quickly dropped the small packets of lube and condoms, wiping his hands on himself.

 

“Hoseok hyung!” He called out, getting a groan from the elder, “Why did you pack lube and condoms?! How did you even get those??”

 

Hoseok groaned, sitting up slowly, “Well… You said you’ve loved Bora Bora for a while, right? One of your—” Hoseok paused to hiccup, “—favorite places?”

 

Namjoon nodded, having the idea already set in his stomach of where this was going. Or rather, where it was meant to go.

 

“I was planning on um… Having your—” Hiccup. “—first time with me here.”

 

Namjoon didn’t know whether to have his heart swell or to be worried since Hoseok was still drunk, but from Namjoon’s knowledge, Hoseok wasn’t any kind of pushy drunk. Namjoon stood up from where he was, going over to Hoseok. Namjoon tilted Hoseok’s head up to look him in the eyes before placing a loving kiss on lips, that hopefully told Hoseok’s drunken mind what he thought. And in case it didn’t Namjoon was gonna say it anyway.

 

“Hoseok.. that’s probably the nicest and most considerate thing someone’s ever done for me.” Hoseok’s eyes lit up, he flashed a small smile, “But I’m not… Ready for that. I’m still too nervous, I think.”

 

Hoseok snorted, “Shoulda had a few mudslides like me then,” he laughed, and Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh too.

 

“You think you’ll remember this conversation tomorrow morning?” Namjoon asked, leaning over Hoseok and poking at his face.

 

“Maybe.” Hoseok answered honestly.

 

Namjoon and Hoseok agreed to sleep in their own beds tonight and their next day was rather uneventful. Hoseok did eventually bring up their conversation to Namjoon, asking if he had remembered everything.

 

They spent their day in their hotel room cuddling and binging shows on Netflix, having Jungkook join them halfway.

 

They flew back to Korea the next day, and again spent time catching up with the time change. But soon enough and with no time to spare, they were back in the groove of things. Rapline being in their studios at almost all hours of the day and the other four were either in vocal or dance practice.

 

Namjoon was sat in his studio dragging samples onto his playlist to see if they worked with what he was trying to get when he heard knocks from his wall. His wall. He figured it was Hoseok wanting something, since it came from the studio next to his, Hope World.

 

Walking out of his studio and to the one next door, Namjoon didn’t bother putting his shoes back on. He walked into Hope World like he owned it and was met with a stressed Hoseok.

 

Cracking his voice on purpose, Hoseok groaned out “Help me, Joon!”

 

Hoseok didn’t have much on his own timeline, and Namjoon knows the feeling. Namjoon leaned down and kissed the top of Hoseok’s head, rubbing his shoulder as he peered over to get a closer look at Hoseok’s screens.

 

“What are you trying to do?” Namjoon asks.

 

“Get you in here to distract me.” Hoseok says with a cheeky smile, “And it worked, so hello Joonie~”

 

Namjoon giggled, “You could’ve just texted me, you know.”

 

“Boring,” Hoseok said, pulling Namjoon closer, eventually having to sit on Hoseok’s lap facing him.

 

Wordlessly, the two smiled, connecting their lips and instantly fighting for dominance over the kiss. It quickly escalated and Hoseok’s hands found purchase in Namjoon’s hair, surprising him when he tugged it, but also being encouraged by Namjoon’s grunt.

 

Just as their hands trailed down to the hem of each other’s shirts, they heard the click of the door opening and froze.

 

“Hoseok-ah, can I borrow your..”

 

Namjoon and Hoseok flung themselves off each other, with Namjoon hitting his head on Hoseok’s desk and Hoseok nearly falling out of his chair, they were a guilty mess.

 

“Fuck, Hoseok!” Namjoon yelled instinctively.

 

“I— What?!” Hoseok yelled back, hesitating with Yoongi there. They finally acknowledged Yoongi in the doorway, unsure of what exactly he was going to say. His expression was just barely leaning towards surprised rather than blank, which wasn’t very telling.

 

The worst part is that nobody said anything for about a minute and a half, and Namjoon doesn’t know if they felt the same but he fucking hated this silence, he’d rather keep making out with Hoseok with Yoongi there than stand the silence. But his conscience kept him in check, on the ground, with a bruise forming on the back of his head.

 

“We.. we’re gonna talk about this later, guys.” Yoongi began, establishing authority with that simple sentence that scared Namjoon to death. “But for now, Hoseok-ah. You have an interface you’re not using? Mine broke.”

 

Hoseok nodded and awkwardly stood up, unplugging his device from his computer and handing it to Yoongi in silence. Yoongi left, and Namjoon and Hoseok were thinking the same thing.

 

“We’re fucked.”

 

The two don’t know what Yoongi meant by “later” since two weeks had gone by and still no secret meeting with Yoongi. In fact, they heard from Seokjin before they heard from Yoongi.

 

It was a few days ago, Seokjin got them both into his room and panicked, “Yoongi knows?!”

 

And with that, chaos reigned through the room as Hoseok, Namjoon, and Seokjin were trying to yell over each other, pinning blame and trying to tell what happened.

 

“WAIT!” Seokjin shouted over them, “When the hell did you start dating?”

 

“We’re not ‘dating’,” Namjoon clarified.

 

Seokjin rolled his eyes, “Since when have you two been making out in Hoseok’s studio?”

 

The two looked at each other, “What, like six..?” Hoseok asked quietly.

 

“Seven?” Namjoon asked in the same tone, now looking back at Seokjin. “Somewhere around six and seven months.”

 

Seokjin just scoffed, “You two wouldn’t remember your own birthdays if they weren’t on Wikipedia.”

 

“Anyway,” Hoseok said, “Yoongi.. knows? Is that what we’re calling it?”

 

“Yes, for fuck’s sake, Hoseok. Let me recap,” Seokjin said, stressed, “Yoongi walked in on you two making out and told me yesterday about what he saw, so yeah, Yoongi knows.”

 

Namjoon hadn’t heard the facts aloud, and it was painful. “Is he… Does he hate us?”

 

“He said he’s appalled you didn’t tell him since you two have been friends for so long.” Seokjin said with a sad tinge to his voice, maybe that’s how Yoongi said it. “He said he’s gonna talk to you within the next week, he just couldn’t process it himself so.. yeah.”

 

That was a few days ago Seokjin said that. Now, Hoseok and Namjoon were sat in Yoongi’s room, in another awkward silence.

 

Namjoon and Hoseok didn’t dare speak first, they felt like they’d be hit if they moved a muscle.

 

“When were you guys gonna tell me? Or the other members?” Yoongi said quietly from his chair in the corner of the room.

 

Hoseok and Namjoon glanced at each other, and Hoseok spoke up. “We don’t know. We didn’t feel… Safe.. telling you guys.” Namjoon nodded in agreement, looking up to glance at Yoongi to see him staring back at them, almost expressionless.

 

“Were you ever going to tell us? Ever going to feel safe around your best friends?” Yoongi said with distaste in his mouth. Neither Hoseok or Namjoon answered, knowing there’s no good answer to this question.

 

Yoongi kept staring for a second, like he was analyzing the two. “How long have you been hiding it from us?”

 

“Well…” Namjoon started, being interrupted by Hoseok, “—That’s a complicated question.”

 

“I’ve got time.”

 

Namjoon swallowed, “Well… We’ve been… In some kind of relationship for about seven months but… Before that I started liking Hoseok maybe two, three years prior. In New York, for our first stadium show. We went out after the concert and things happened and I saw him differently.” Namjoon explained, as calm as he could manage.

 

“Fuck… Citifield? Namjoon what the fuck? And what- you two fucked and suddenly fell in love?!” Yoongi had spite in his voice, and it was to be expected, but it still hurt.

 

Hoseok piped up, “We didn’t have sex, hyung. Just… Made out.”

 

Yoongi just shook his head and leaned forward, breaking eye contact. “You know what fucking baffles me?” Hoseok and Namjoon stayed silent, “We, as a group, support the LGBT community and it feels like you think we do it for attention and more fans. Being gay in a group of seven people that support gay rights and you still don’t trust us. That’s what’s fucking me up right now.”

 

Namjoon and Hoseok felt the worst they have in months, wishing they had told Yoongi earlier, because he was right. They all openly support the LGBT community and Namjoon and Hoseok still managed to feel cornered.

 

“Yoongi hyung, I want you to understand how we felt, okay?” Namjoon asked calmly, catching his attention.

 

“Go ahead.”

 

Namjoon cleared his throat, “If you couldn’t tell.. I’ve never had a crush on a guy before Hoseok, so that was a little scary for me but I eventually accepted it and then I had to factor in where we are. South Korea doesn’t like people like us, at all. Nobody can just come out as gay and have a chance here, hyung. We were all raised like that, even you. We wished we could tell you but what if you hated us? What if you told the company and then BTS went down in a ball of fire because two members are dating each other? We couldn’t risk it, Yoongi, you have to understand.”

 

Yoongi stays silent for a moment. “I get that. I just.. I wish you could’ve told us, or at least me, Namjoon-ah. I’ve been your best friend for about a decade, I’d hope you can trust me with anything.” Namjoon apologizes quietly and Hoseok follows suit.

 

After that, it was silent again, before Yoongi spoke up with more questions. “When are you going to tell the other members?”

 

“We can’t!” They both said at the same time, now fully attentive.

 

“Guys, we just went over this. They won’t hate you. It wouldn’t surprise me if they said “oh my God, me too!””. Yoongi laughed a little.

 

“Just… We’re not ready, I guess. We’ve still got to start preparing for the next album behind all the promotions we do for ARMY this time between albums so, just not now.” Hoseok said.

 

“Fine.” Yoongi finally agreed, and the two let out a sigh of relief.

 

When they left Yoongi’s room, they went back to Namjoon’s room to destress, since the last few weeks have been a lot of anticipation.

 

“Thank fuck, holy shit.” Hoseok says, flinging himself onto Namjoon’s bed that he’s made a home for himself in.

 

“Preach. I don’t know what I expected when we walked in there but fuck, I’m really glad he doesn’t hate us.” Namjoon flopped down next to Hoseok. “So when do you wanna tell the other members?”

 

Hoseok shrugged and rolled over to be half on top of Namjoon, “I dunno, just not tonight.”

 

Namjoon hummed, “I think I have an idea.”

 

From that night forth, Namjoon and Hoseok knew down to the exact hour they were going to tell the other members. Now, they wait. They waited for two months and honestly, they forgot about the plan within the week. But now, it was September and Hoseok and Namjoon were counting down the days, trying to be excited before they were anxious. Not fast enough, days went by and it was September 12th. Namjoon’s birthday.

 

He was turning 28 and he was pretty excited, but he was more excited to see his plan in action. Namjoon had already been wished happy birthday by the members at midnight, but he had yet to throw the party. It was still a surprise party for him, but Namjoon too had a surprise in store.

 

By 10PM, all the members were at home, all the members except one. That one was Namjoon, who was coming back from being kicked out for the day so the members could set up his party. He walked through the halls with excitement surging through him, a smile finding a way to his face. How did he get this lucky to have amazing friends and Hoseok by his side?

 

Namjoon found the door cracked open and when he opened it, the only light in the small foyer was from the hallway. He shut the door behind him and took off his shoes, beginning to cautiously explore the eerily quiet dorm.

 

Namjoon didn’t turn on the lights, instead, he wandered into the living room/kitchen area, hearing whispers behind the counter before they stopped abruptly.

 

“Hello?”

 

“SURPRISE!!” They shouted loudly, somehow turning on the lights.

 

Namjoon laughed as their cheering ended, not pretending like he hadn’t expected something today… As if he wasn’t behind half of it.

 

“Of course, I knew this was coming, but still, thank you guys so much, this is so sweet.” Namjoon grinned.

 

“Oh hush, Joon-ah.” Seokjin smiled, hands resting on the frosted case covering the cake.

 

After they all wished him happy birthday and gave him hugs, Jungkook said it was time for cake and then the anxiety set in for two people in the room of seven.

 

Seokjin glanced at Hoseok and Namjoon before gripping the case and getting ready to pull it off. The two looked at each other from opposite sides of the counter and gave nervous smiles to each other as they heard Seokjin yank off the top with a “ta-da!”.

 

The members quickly gathered around to see what the cake looked like, Namjoon and Hoseok included since they didn’t get to know this part, this was Seokjin’s creativity.

 

“Namjoon gay”

 

Written in a neat font were those two words that made Namjoon snort at the straightforwardness of the phrase.

 

The members gazed at each other in confusion, then their gazes landed on Namjoon. Namjoon thought he had gotten used to being under this kind of spotlight, but obviously not as he froze up a little bit, looking at Hoseok in a panic.

 

Jimin was the first to talk, “Really?”

 

Namjoon didn’t answer because he saw Hoseok moving around them to get to Namjoon. When he finally stood directly in front of Namjoon, all eyes were on them and they were the most nervous they’d ever been as they bashfully intertwined their fingers together with growing smiles on their faces. And next, as planned, Namjoon leaned forward and captured Hoseok’s lips in a sweet kiss, trying his best to ignore the few gasps from their crowd, and Yoongi’s groaning.

 

Then, unexpectedly, there was clapping. Applause. Just one pair of hands at first, then two, then three, four. Four and a half, if you count Yoongi hesitantly clapping for them.

 

They broke slowly, shy as all hell as they faced their best friends of a near decade.

 

“Namjoon is my boyfriend.” Hoseok said as confidently as he could manage at the moment.

 

Namjoon, following in his footsteps, said “Hoseok is my boyfriend.”

 

Their hands gripped together tightly, becoming more stressed at their silence. Their faces were surprised, except for Seokjin and Yoongi.

 

“Cute.” Jungkook said, and it felt like ten tons of bricks lifted off their shoulders.

 

“Yeah, I’m happy for you!” Jimin cheered, with Taehyung soon to agree.

 

Namjoon didn’t even realize what was happening until Hoseok had his face buried in Namjoon’s shirt, and his arms wrapping around him tightly. Of course, Namjoon held him too, but he still didn’t realize why and just thought it was a victory hug, until he felt the soft sobs coming into his shirt. A few seconds later, the other members heard it too and started panicking.

 

“Hoseok, are you okay?”

 

“Why are you crying?”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Hoseok just shook his head, mumbling something inaudible into Namjoon’s shirt. Finally, he made out something loud enough for everyone to hear, “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

 

Namjoon pulled Hoseok off him for a moment, slowly getting Hoseok to uncover his face and look him in the eyes. “What happened?”

 

Seokjin was just barely able to be heard awwing at the interaction, while Hoseok turned to face their friends. “I know this is— this is Namjoon’s day, and rightfully so, it’s just— Fuck. I’ve been so scared for this day, because I’ve known I’m bisexual since before BTS and I never thought I’d be able to come out to you guys and it’s just so— I’m so—” Hoseok crashed into Namjoon again, a desperate hug being given. Namjoon had never seen Hoseok like this, so there’s little chance the other’s had either. He’d cried in front of them before, but never like this.

 

Hoseok again released Namjoon, facing them, “I’m so happy, these are happy tears, trust me.”

 

Namjoon cooed and pulled him into a big hug, inviting the other members to join which they did so happily. Squeezing Hoseok until he couldn’t breathe, they all got their turns to give Hoseok a big hug individually. When it was over, they all asked the details of the fresh relationship over cake and talked and played stupid party games until half past midnight.

 

When everyone was cleaning up, Hoseok and Namjoon went into Namjoon’s room and got ready for bed, it was basically their nightly routine now.

 

“Hey, Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok called, probably finished with changing. “There’s one last birthday present to you from me.”

 

“Hm?” Namjoon turned around, finding Hoseok closer than he thought he heard him. “What is it?”

 

“You need to sit down on your bed and close your eyes. Keep them closed until I say so.” Hoseok told him, and he complied easily, excitement rising in his veins as he sat down on his bed, Hoseok being the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes.

 

He saw for about thirty seconds before he heard something directly in front of him, but nothing else. Namjoon was tempted to speak out to Hoseok, but the moment he felt a hand trailing up from his knee to his inner thigh his mouth fell open anyway. “Hoseok, I… What are you doing?”

 

Hoseok kept massaging his thighs, occasionally slipping his hands under Namjoon’s shorts and feeling his bare skin. “Well, that would ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it?”

 

Namjoon gulped, he wondered if Hoseok could see it. “Are.. are you sure?”

 

“Yes, Namjoonie, I’m sure. Don’t worry, okay? Tell me if you want to stop, don’t be afraid to do that.”

 

Namjoon could feel the heat spreading throughout his body now, the possibilities of what’s to come taking over his mind. “Okay.”

 

Hoseok’s hands began trailing higher, still missing a certain place, instead skipping over it to dip his fingers into Namjoon’s waistband. Hoseok’s fingers were like ice against Namjoon’s skin, making him gasp. His fingers stayed against Namjoon’s stomach for a few seconds, becoming warmer and didn’t move until they were just beginning to feel comfortable against him. They moved down, bringing the waistband of just his shorts. Namjoon raised himself a little bit to help Hoseok get them off, slow and careful since his eyes were still shut.

 

Soon, his shorts were thrown aside and Hoseok was back to touching Namjoon’s thighs to tease him. Namjoon was about to tell him to hurry up when he did finally move to start rubbing on his forming bulge, making Namjoon’s mouth drop open involuntarily. It wasn’t as long an agonizing this time before Hoseok was going a little faster, but then he stopped completely, pissing Namjoon off.

 

“What—”

 

Before Namjoon could even ask what Hoseok thought he was doing, there were lips on him through his underwear. “Fuck…” Namjoon bit down on his bottom lip, still focusing on keeping his eyes closed above anything else.

 

Hoseok lapped at the precome that was slowly coming through Namjoon’s boxers, making Namjoon just that much harder. Hoseok sucked him through the fabric for only a few more moments, his fingers sneaking up to Namjoon’s waistband again.

 

“Are you still okay?” Hoseok asked.

 

Namjoon was quick with his answer, “Fuck, yes, please, hyung.”

 

Hoseok also made quick work of getting Namjoon’s boxers off, pleased with the sight he was met with. He didn’t waste time to start pumping Namjoon again, making him groan against his will at the feeling of Hoseok’s hand wrapped around him.

 

When Hoseok had first laid his tongue on the tip of Namjoon, he was surprised to hear Namjoon moan just from that. Namjoon felt like a fucking virgin teen again even though he’s had blowjobs, they’ve just never been this good.

 

Hoseok used his reactions to his advantage, giving no warning when he stopped pumping Namjoon to put his mouth on him instead, getting a guttural moan from him and his entire body tensing, Namjoon couldn’t help it when his hand flew to Hoseok’s hair to grab at it harshly. With that, Hoseok moaned around Namjoon as he began sinking down, only making Namjoon breathe out quickly, a moan lacing his breath.

 

Namjoon threw his head back as Hoseok bottomed out on Namjoon’s dick, the tip now touching the back of his throat, and holy shit was Namjoon’s only thought.

 

“You’re fucking amazing, Hoseok,” Namjoon forced out as Hoseok was bobbing up and down slowly on his length. Namjoon tugged on his hair again, getting off on the moan that vibrated around him.

 

Namjoon was already getting the feeling in his stomach that could honestly have him imploding at the moment, and he bet Hoseok knew it too by the sounds he was letting out.

 

Hoseok popped off Namjoon for a second, the cold air making Namjoon tense even more. “Are you close?”

 

Namjoon nodded desperately, and was relieved to have Hoseok’s mouth back on his in less than a few seconds to get him closer. Namjoon was about to go over the edge when Hoseok came off again .

 

“Open your eyes, Joonie.”

 

Fuck, Namjoon had forgot his eyes were even closed with everything happening. When he did open his eyes, he assumes he’d been pinning them shut since he saw stars at first and his vision was blotchy, but it soon cleared up and he saw Hoseok on his knees in front of Namjoon, leaning forward to suck him off one more time.

 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Namjoon spoke his mind when before he forgot his words again.

 

More vibrations were sent through Namjoon, and the dam broke right then and there. Namjoon yanked Hoseok’s hair as he released in Hoseok’s mouth, only a little bit ending up around his mouth. Namjoon, curious and whipped, leaned down although lacking air and kissed Hoseok for all he’s worth, tasting himself on his lips and getting the best high he could’ve wished for. Why have drugs when you could have Hoseok?

 

Breaking the kiss because he may have otherwise passed out, Namjoon leaned back and took a few deep breaths as Hoseok got off his knees and sat next to Namjoon. Namjoon again leaned in for another kiss from Hoseok, but soon broke it and got up to put on another pair of underwear and throw the other one in the hamper.

 

He joined Hoseok laying in his bed, “Happy birthday blowjob, Joonie.” They laughed.

 

“Thanks, hyung. The best surprise I’ve ever gotten, for sure.” Namjoon patted Hoseok’s stomach.

 

“I’m honored.” Hoseok replies, a small chuckle following.

 

This became the fourth best day of Namjoon’s life.

 

Now that Namjoon and Hoseok were out to their friends, they didn’t have to sneak around to see each other or control themselves in front of each other, it was a nice breath of fresh air. But, whenever they left the dorm, it was back to hiding themselves and avoiding each other unless it was impossible. Namjoon hadn’t checked on what the fans thought was happening in a while, but he bets it isn’t too positive.

 

When Namjoon finally did go to check, he found the fans linking articles a lot. And when he clicked on them, they were about Namjoon and Hoseok and their odd relationship with each other in recent years. People guessed they might’ve had a falling out over something and Namjoon figured that that conclusion was better than them catching up to reality.

 

It did make Namjoon think though, what if he came out to the public? What if he completely disregarded his company and did everything he’s been wanting to even though it’s against their contract?

 

Then reality caught up to him. If Namjoon did that, he could steer BTS into the ground. He couldn’t do that, right? After nearly ten years of hard work he couldn’t just throw it all away because of love. The other members deserved this just as much as he did, and Namjoon was being selfish.

 

That’s what he told himself whenever he thought about it, and didn’t want to bring it up to another member in case they’d start drifting away from him - fearing that he would end their career.

 

Namjoon felt like a burden to them. He had everything and still wanted more. He tried to justify it to himself but he just couldn’t do it, so he got a second opinion.

 

“Yoongi hyung?” Namjoon knocked at his studio door.

 

A few moments later, the locks started unclicking and the door opened to Yoongi standing there. “What’s up?”

 

“I… I need your opinion on something. Can I come in?”

 

Yoongi let Namjoon in to sit on his couch on the far wall and Yoongi pulled up to him in his chair.

 

“I feel like I’m being selfish, recently.” Namjoon mumbled a beginning, “I have.. ideas that feel selfish. And I didn’t wanna tell the other guys because it’s wanting something that could ruin us.”

 

“Namjoon, out with it,” Yoongi spoke, not one for foreplay.

 

Namjoon looked down, “Someday, I wanna tell ARMY about Hoseok and I.”

 

“You can’t, you’re not allowed by contract to even be dating—“

 

“I know, hyung! I know.” Namjoon spoke over Yoongi. “I know that, but it feels like I’m lying to them. Hell, they think we hate each other!”

 

Yoongi throws his hands out, “Good!”

 

“Hyung, you’re not helping.”

 

Yoongi sighs before regaining his normal composure. “Well, did you ever think of the risks of coming out as gay and in a relationship? With another member, of all people.”

 

Namjoon nods, “That’s the selfish part. I have everything. ARMY, Hoseok, you guys, and I still want more. I still have the urge to tell ARMY the next chance I get but I know it could end BTS in that very moment but… If it were only me, I think I’d do it anyway.”

 

Yoongi observed Namjoon’s quiet voice dripping with guilt.

 

“I think…” Yoongi began, eyes falling to the floor, “I think that one day, if you and Hoseok want to tell them, then you can, but talk it over with us before you do. We love you guys so much and hate to see you the way you are out of the dorm, but we all worked to be here so you have to be 100% sure that we’re all 100% behind you. Maybe do it around the time we’re renewing our contract, so you guys can come out but you wouldn’t exactly get kicked out of the company if things didn’t go as planned, I guess.”

 

“God, see, I love what I do, and I don’t want to end it for something like this but I want people to know.” Namjoon huffed.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Joon. Do whatever you think is right, but be aware of the consequences that come with all actions.”

 

Yoongi made Namjoon think. About what would happen if things didn’t go as planned, or what would happen if they did. Of course, the pros always seemed to outweigh the cons in Namjoon’s mind, maybe because that’s the outcome he wanted and he felt like he could handle any negative repercussions.

 

He just wanted Hoseok by his side openly, not sneaking around or hiding from anybody.

 

So skip forward two months and it was late January, and Namjoon was debating whether to tell Hoseok of his plan now or after his birthday. His plan was what Yoongi thought was a decent idea, to do it around the time they’ll renew their contract, which was later this year, about November.

 

Walking into Hoseok and Jimin’s room, he saw Hoseok lounging on his bed and on his phone, and got his attention by closing the door.

 

“Hi Joonie.” Hoseok greets, turning his phone off to provide his undivided attention. “Is something wrong?”

 

Namjoon was a little surprised, he’d only been in here for a few seconds, “How’d you know?”

 

“Magic.” Hoseok shrugs with a small smile. He patted a spot on the bed and Namjoon sat down next to him.

 

“Okay, I’m almost done beating around the bush, so I’m just gonna say what I wanted to say, hopefully.” Namjoon took a deep breath, “If you’re okay with it, if the others are okay with it, and by that I mean 100% okay, I’m gonna tell ARMY about us.”

Namjoon swore he could feel the world stop turning. Hoseok was silent beside him, and Namjoon wasn’t looking at him to see his reaction.

 

“Joon-ah.. you know what that would do, right?” Hoseok asked quietly, a little careful.

 

Namjoon nodded, “I’ve thought every last possibility through at least fifty times. I’ve been thinking about this for so long and I’m thinking of doing it later this year, around our contract renewal. I just… I’m only going to do it if you and the other guys are behind me 100%, because I don’t want to ruin your life so if you don’t want me to, then say so.”

 

Hoseok stayed quiet, and Namjoon finally looked up to find him baring an expression of surprise mixed with sadness, and felt like he shouldn’t have said anything.

 

“Namjoon-ah, I think I’ll need some time to think about this, okay?” Hoseok said, rubbing Namjoon’s back comfortingly. Namjoon nodded in response, facing Hoseok.

 

“I’m sorry, Hobi, I shouldn’t have told you, and I won’t do it, it’s fine—“

 

“Namjoon, stop.” Hoseok told him, “I… I want to tell them too it’s just.. what if it ends everything? Everything we’ve all built gone in an instant?”

 

Namjoon nodded solemnly, “That’s what I keep thinking about. Like what if we just.. I dunno, get scandalous and start making it more public without telling someone? Then they’ll just figure it out on their own. Would that be better than telling them? I’ve thought about every possible way to do it and everything that would happen, and I don’t know if I can trust my own judgement anymore—emotions cloud judgement.”

 

Hoseok sighed, “Sadly, yeah. And Joonie, don’t get it wrong, I want our fans to know, and I know a lot of them would support us, hell, they fantasize about this shit. But it’s not them I’m worried about, it’s our company. BigHit are the people that can and likely would terminate our contracts, they wouldn’t care how the fans react.”

Namjoon stared straight forward. “This is gonna sound mean, but it’s the truth: BigHit are nothing without us. That’s a fact. If it wasn’t for us, they wouldn’t even be standing right now.”

 

Hoseok hummed in agreement, “I know, but now they have the power to get rid of us. They can make groups from the ground up and have them be as good as us or better because now they know how to do it.”

 

“I don’t think BigHit would terminate us. Not immediately, at least. Maybe we could talk our way out of it?” Namjoon questioned, feeling hopeless of the answer.

 

“I don’t know, Joon.” Hoseok answered honestly.

 

Namjoon was about to stand up with a sad song in his heart but before he could, Hoseok grabbed Namjoon’s hand suddenly, taking it to his lips and leaving a chaste kiss on his knuckles. “Kim Namjoon, I love you. With all of my heart.” Hoseok spoke against Namjoon’s skin, “I know you’re really cautious about using the word “love” but yes, I’m sure I love you. And I am ready to take on everything with you—hell if we haven’t, with the life we live. But if you want to tell the fans first or the company first, then I’ll deal with the consequences too. But I want you to be confident that it won’t be the end. Of BTS, of our friendships, of us, of RM, of J-Hope, of Agust D, or anybody or anything else we love. I need you to know that I’m by your side, on everything. I trust you with my life, Namjoon.”

 

Namjoon’s eyes were stuck to Hoseok’s, having heard the most beautiful and delicate and caring speech in his entire life just spoken, he couldn’t believe his ears. He took his hand away from Hoseok slowly, only to shift himself fully onto Hoseok’s bed and place himself in Hoseok’s lap to hug him like his life depended on it.

 

“Thank you, hyung.” Namjoon could feel the tears building inside him, “You don’t know how much that means to me, fuck.”

 

“Please don’t cry, oh God.” Hoseok chuckled, blindly reaching a hand to Namjoon’s face over his shoulder and attempting to wipe his tears.

 

Namjoon shook his head slightly, “I’m not crying, my eyes are just sweating.”

 

Hoseok laughed quietly into Namjoon’s shoulder. “You and your sensitive waterworks.”

 

They stayed like that for a while, until Namjoon sat back on the bed and faced Hoseok again.

 

“So… What’s the plan, Hobi?”

 

Hoseok looked down in thought, tracing the sheet patterns in his head. “Well… We could be scandalous leading up to our confession, which would be in October-November. Like you said, around when we’re supposed to renew our contracts. And in the time leading up to that, we also have to tell the other members about what we plan to do.”

 

The last sentence was something Namjoon was dreading. How were they supposed to get five other people on board to possibly give up their careers just for their relationship? Even Namjoon thought it was ridiculous.

 

“That’s the hard part.” Namjoon stated quietly.

 

“Yeah, that’s the hard part.” Hoseok repeated, resting his hand over Namjoon’s, “But we can get through it. Together.”

 

Namjoon giggled, a dimpled smile blooming onto his face, “Stop being so cheesy.”

 

Hoseok shrugged, “What can I say? It works.”

 

From then on, they began trying to be a little more affectionate in public. Being a little more risky when they would go out and letting go of each other’s hands a few seconds too late so the cameras could catch a small glimpse. Eventually, it got to them being out together with no security (with their pleading) and they would try and be like normal couples. Go out on dates, go to small events together, and have special moments that weren’t grinding on each other after the others had left the dance studio. Now, they felt a little more comfortable and like they had more room to breathe.

 

They felt like a normal couple, even dropping the word “boyfriend” here and there. When they did promotions out of country during those few months, Hoseok and Namjoon escaped their crew a few times and went on dates there too, but were actually able to show their face to a cashier. They felt normal and they loved it.

 

From coffee shop day-dates in France to sneaking out thirty minutes apart and getting hammered at a hole-in-the-wall bar somewhere in California. It was the most human they’ve felt in… God, probably over a decade at this point.

 

The two definitely abused their power out-of-country, because when they got back to Korea after trips, they were surprised every time by how many people recognized them when they tried to go out for a night. After that was discovered after every returning trip, they had to get back in the mindset of “we can’t show too much of our faces and can’t do too much” for another month.

 

Because in almost a month’s time, they were going to do the boldest thing of their life in front of everyone they care about.

 

Every second leading up to that day was nerve-wracking for everyone that knew about it, which was only the members. So, between seven people living together, there was a little bit of tension. A few screaming matches from time to time but every one of them ended in an “I’m sorry, I love you” from one to another, and through all of them was a theme of underlying trust in one another, trust in one another that everything would work out in the end, no matter what happened.

 

Weeks passed and Namjoon and Hoseok were preparing for tomorrow. Well, today. It was 12:55AM, but that’s irrelevant. Today was the day that Hoseok and Namjoon would change their and their friends’ lives forever. Today a press conference was going to happen and they’d say it was because they would “explain why they hadn’t renewed their contracts yet”. Today, Namjoon and Hoseok were going to tell seven billion people about their relationship, and not everybody was going to smile.

 

Right now, Namjoon was sprawled out on his bed and Hoseok was pacing back and forth, on a tangent that he had been on for maybe an hour, and that’s today.

 

“Hoseok, please stop pacing or I will have to strangle you.” Namjoon spoke out with his eyes half closed, his body tired but his mind racing.

 

Hoseok groaned, “I can’t, Joon. My body has a mind of its own right now.”

 

Namjoon threw his forearm over his eyes, enjoying the coldness of his skin against his pounding forehead. The others were asleep last time Namjoon checked, since they didn’t have to worry about as much as Namjoon and Hoseok did for the conference.

 

“We can do it, Hoseok. I know we can.” Namjoon said quietly.

 

“I don’t think so, Joon. This is a bad idea, I know it. I can feel it, God, I hate this.” Hoseok rambled on with the same words he’d limited himself to for what felt like eternity.

 

Namjoon and Hoseok spent their night trying to prevent each other’s panic attacks so they could sleep, and around 2AM their bodies finally gave out. When they woke up, it was two in the afternoon and they immediately were getting ready for their press conference, which made them even more anxious.

 

Slipping on their dress shirts and silently styling their hair, the tension in the room was thicker than blood. They were both finally ready and stepped out into the hall, finding the other members ready in the living room, exception being Jimin.

 

“Hey you two, how’re you feeling?” Seokjin asked politely.

 

Namjoon shrugged, seeing no reaction at all from Hoseok. “Been better.”

 

“I’m sure you have. You ready for today?”

 

Although Hoseok was looking down, his answer still came out clearly, “‘Need to be.”

 

The eyes landed on Hoseok, his figure still slumped and hands still paying more attention to the buttons on his wrists than the situation at hand. Namjoon had never seen Hoseok like this, it was scary to think that this might be the most terrifying thing Hoseok has ever had to do—and it was all Namjoon’s idea.

 

Jimin finally joined them, meaning they could leave. The car ride there was almost dead silent, Jimin and Seokjin tried to lighten the mood a few times but gave up rather quickly. They all arrived solemnly, but they still tried to smile for the cameras that were, of course, waiting for them at the venue. They had an extra 45 minutes until the panel would officially begin, so Namjoon kept going over the script he’d written in secret, as he’d shown a modified one to the company that they approved of.

 

Namjoon knew he would deviate from the printed words in almost every sentence, but still tried to imprint them in his mind to keep him on track for the speech he was to make.

 

The near hour the boys had was quickly spent with Namjoon revising his script, Hoseok and Jungkook scrolling through twitter, Jimin and Taehyung chatting and fixing their appearances, and Yoongi and Seokjin talking in the corner, probably about what might happen and how it should be handled if all goes wrong. That’s what Namjoon was imagining, at least.

 

When they were given the five minute warning, all seven of them stepped out of their waiting room and made it to the long table, sitting down and scanning every face in the crowd. Namjoon recognized all the magazines and idol websites that were in attendance, sweating at each watermark he read.

 

Namjoon isn’t afraid of speaking in public. He’s represented him and his friends for years, but now it was different. Now, it was a make-or-break topic that had a great chance of sending them all home from their ten years of grandeur.

 

When the clock displayed on the wall struck 3:30PM, he slowly looked at his members sat on the sides of him, locking eyes with everyone for some kind of support and leaving them on Hoseok for a few seconds more. Their seats went Taehyung, Yoongi, Jimin, Namjoon, Hoseok, Seokjin, and Jungkook. Namjoon made sure he and Hoseok would be sat next to each other when he told the planner.

 

Reaching forward for his mic, Namjoon cleared his throat to get the audience’s attention. “Hello, everyone. Today we will reveal the reason behind BTS not yet renewing their contracts, because it’s been the number one question on more than a few people’s mind.”

 

Namjoon paused his introduction, recalling the next few lines quickly. “The rumor going around is that we may be going on hiatus, or even leaving BigHit Entertainment. I would like to confirm that neither of those stories are true. We do not currently intend on going on hiatus nor leaving our company.”

 

The red lights showing the cameras recording were all Namjoon could see. A lot of red, beady lights taking in his confession and stripping him down to his bones.

 

Jimin spoke up next, giving Namjoon a break. “The reason we have not renewed our contract yet has to do with members’ personal lives, so please be understanding in our reason. This conference is us telling our company, the media, and our fans something we’ve discussed in detail and are ready to accept the consequences for.”

 

The crowd begins whispering to each other, their eyes narrowing as they try to figure out what’s happening.

 

“And before assumptions are made,” Seokjin takes voice after him, “No, we have not committed a crime. The word “consequences” could be used for something as small as a child misbehaving.”

 

Yoongi also speaks, and Namjoon is glad the others are pitching in to let Namjoon gain his courage. “I would like to comment that we also have not renewed our contract because we broke a strict rule in our last agreement with our company. We personally think this rule is over-the-top and constricts us from truly embracing who we are, and being happy. We, although understanding why it exists, believe that this rule is something that should not be punished, or even made a rule in general.”

 

Jungkook takes the mic slowly, making the first announcement instead of Namjoon, surprising the leader. “The rule we disobeyed was the “no dating rule”. Numerous members have entered relationships.”

 

The audience went silent for a moment, before getting a little louder than before, as if all having conversations with each other like BTS weren’t in the room to hear their probable slander. Namjoon considered just leaving them like that, to speculate which members were in a relationship and with whom, but knew that if he did then there would be no point in holding this conference anyway.

 

The crew were also a bit taken aback at their confession, and understandably so, considering this really was them telling everyone. “Now…” Namjoon began, his voice a little more strained than earlier, “I know that now we’ve revealed that we’re in relationships against our last contract, everyone is wondering who is with who. The next part of this little confession is going to be me informing you of who is BTS is dating someone, and who their partner is.” Namjoon paused, taking a deep breath as he saw many of the cameras zoom in on him and the other members individually. “While this topic has been floating around our dorm for about a year now, we discussed how to handle every outcome and if we should even reveal this. But we figured that it’s better we tell you than someone expose it.”

 

The crowd kept mostly silent, the boys stealing glances at each other as Namjoon paused and looked down for a moment. They didn’t entirely know what he was doing.

 

Looking straight forward, Namjoon spoke into the mic with a newfound confidence. “There are currently two members in a relationship. These two members are J-Hope, and the other is me, RM. And by that…” Namjoon looks at Hoseok for a few seconds, flashing his worried face a small smile before turning back to face the cameras. “I mean that J-Hope— No, actually, Hoseok and Namjoon are in a relationship together.”

 

The crowd all make mixed noises of expression, disappointment and disgust definitely mixed in, though others are simply surprised and silent. Namjoon and Hoseok stand up slowly and the other members see why Namjoon had suddenly gotten a burst of confidence: the two’s hands were tightly intertwined. They held their hands between them and tried to smile at the flashing cameras, feeling the weight of the world being lifted off their shoulders.

 

Leaning back down to the microphone and ignoring the crowd’s uproar of responsive questions and statements, Namjoon spoke again. “So to summarize and confirm, Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon are dating each other. Two people are dating.”

 

With that, the crew carelessly escorted them off the platform and the boys already noticed the treatment at the news of gay group members. The teams of media waiting outside for them had already gotten word of the announcement inside and were screaming questions at them like never before. In their car, they actually conversated easily about how they were so relieved to have the news out, but it eventually fell into the worries of if they’d ever see their dorm again.

 

When they returned to their dorm building, they all got out with security quietly, still noticing how the security were doing a lackluster job at watching their every move to make sure no fan was around the corner.

 

Only halfway to the elevator and Namjoon felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out, he kept walking until he saw what the message said.

 

“Namjoon-ah, what’s wrong?” Seokjin asked when he noticed Namjoon had stopped, drawing the others’ attention too.

 

Namjoon looked up at them. “Come to the conference room next to my office, bring the other members.” He recited the message aloud.

 

The other members got back in the car with him as they were now headed to BigHit Entertainment to talk with their manager. Stepping foot on the property, Namjoon’s only thought was “fuck”.

 

This is where it ends, huh? Our careers are over and we’ll be publicly shamed by every program out there? What a fucking way to go.

 

When they were all walking down the hallway, Namjoon didn’t notice Hoseok next to him until his faint cologne filled his nose, and Hoseok gently reached for his hand. Namjoon took it desperately, squeezing his hand and flashing a sad smile at him as they filed into the room and saw their managers as well as Bang Sihyuk sitting in the far seats, all looking a bit puzzled and maybe angry. From left to right, it was Sejin, Hyunsoo, Sihyuk, and Hobeom.

 

The boys took their seats, Namjoon sitting next to Hoseok to feel a little more comfortable and at ease. All eyes were on them two, which was more than a little unsettling as Mr. Bang told their security to go outside for this meeting.

 

As soon as they left, Sejin spoke up. “We were watching your conference, and saw something that we definitely weren’t expecting. We didn’t know exactly how to handle this at first, but we feel we may have made some progress.”

 

Next up was C.E.O., Sihyuk. “As of right now, BTS will not disband.”

 

The exasperated sighs from all members came out almost as a surprise, as if they didn’t know they were holding their breaths the entire time.

 

“But,” He spoke again, grabbing their attention, “There will be a small break from everything. We understand you openly support… Things that us four are near foreign to, and because the news is still fresh, we will consider offering you a new contract. We have to wait for the response and weigh everything out, but we are still quite unsure what your fate might be.”

 

Hyunsoo shifted his eyes to all seven of them, lingering on Namjoon and Hoseok, “We also understand that of course, you were unlikely to keep to the no dating rule that was set. Everyone experiences emotions, even idols, and sometimes you can’t stop them.”

 

“Hyuna and E’Dawnfrom CUBE Entertainment are a perfect example of that, I think.” Hobeom commented, earning agreement hums from his colleagues.

 

“Almost perfect.” Sejin sighed, “Hyuna and Hyojong are a man and a woman in a relationship. While their company made its decision on them, they still continued on without the company. In fact, they recently signed under a new label. But Namjoon and Hoseok are a different case, seeing as they are two men in a relationship. No doubt, you could all continue on without being under a label if we had decided to immediately disband BTS, which is exactly why we didn’t.”

 

“Yes, Sejin is utmostly correct.” Sihyuk sat forward, “You are all more than capable of being successful without being under BigHit Entertainment, so truly there’s no real reason to terminate you. But all our decisions will be based on the media and ARMY’s reaction to the news. Concluding this meeting, we hope this was worth it for you guys. You may now leave.”

 

The boys took a few moments to sit in silence, staring back at their managers before finally standing up and slowly stringing out of the room, the door shutting with a click behind them. They were escorted back to their dorm and as soon as they got inside the apartment, they all just stared at each other.

 

“Did… Did we do it?” Jungkook asks.

 

“I think we did, Kookie.” Jimin punches his shoulder lightly with a lingering smile.

 

Namjoon looks around at them, “Bangtan lives to see another day, and it’s all thanks to you guys.”

 

The guys aww at Namjoon’s choice of words, everyone ending up enjoying a group hug. They eventually all disperse to their hang outs in the dorm, which meant Hoseok in Namjoon’s room.

 

Standing in the middle of it as Namjoon closed his door, he stared, speechless and almost frozen looking.

 

“We did it, Namjoon.” Hoseok’s voice breaks, and Namjoon only now notices the tears building in his eyes. “We did it.”

 

Namjoon hugged Hoseok tighter than he thought possible, and Hoseok hugged back with the same fervor. “We did.”

 

Hoseok broke down in Namjoon’s arms, the same happening to Namjoon which resulted in them comforting each other until they were having microsleeps.

 

Before the sleep took over Namjoon’s body, he thought of what he told the others earlier. It’s all thanks to you guys. And it was. Without them or their approval or their bravery to help Namjoon and Hoseok come out, it wouldn’t have happened at all.

 

So, Namjoon took his phone from his nightstand (which was difficult, seeing as Hoseok was sleeping closer to it and was also asleep on his chest) and opened twitter, trying his best to ignore any tweets that popped up and going straight to the tweet button himself.

 

Iconically, he typed one phrase that explained all of his feelings to anyone willing to understand.

 

teamwork makes the dream work

 

Namjoon sent the tweet and turned his phone off, placing it back on his nightstand and opting to fall asleep with Hoseok rather than turn the light off and wake him up.

 

When he did finally wake up, he hadn’t realized how long he’d been asleep until he looked at his phone. The numbers cleared in his vision, reading 12:24PM. Shit. Namjoon didn’t set an alarm and no one woke him up? Him and Hoseok? Namjoon always tends to somehow forget about the weight on his chest when he wakes up, maybe because he’s so used to seeing an angel when he opens his eyes.

 

Namjoon feels good, until he remembers yesterday. Then, he doesn’t feel like getting up. But in his small bits of rustling, he wakes Hoseok and is probably doomed to talk about it.

 

“What time is it?” Hoseok’s voice was scratchy, making Namjoon internally groan at how nice he sounded.

 

“About twelve-thirty.”

 

“Do we have a schedule today?” Hoseok subconsciously grips Namjoon’s shirt where his hand was resting, almost like a cat kneading.

 

Namjoon sighs, “I don’t think we’ll have a schedule for a few weeks, Hobi.”

 

“Oh, yeah..” He responded quietly, piping up after “More time to spend with you though.”

 

Namjoon couldn’t help but smile at his optimism. “I guess you’re right.”

 

When the two somewhat woke up about an hour later, they still lounged around in each other’s arms as they scrolled through twitter, reading fans’ tweets about their situation.

 

What surprised them the most was that the fans honestly and truly supported them. A majority of them, anyway. The ones who didn’t, well… That’s their problem. Namjoon’s lips rested softly on Hoseok’s neck since he was in Namjoon’s lap, still creating butterflies in his stomach after near two years of this. They weren’t getting sick of each other anytime soon.

 

Namjoon left butterfly kisses on his golden skin, satisfied with the goosebumps he noticed were forming.

 

“Can you tell me what this one says? It has a lot of retweets.” Hoseok mumbles, and Namjoon properly looks over his shoulder.

 

“‘Everyone saying ‘I’m leaving the fandom’ or ‘they’re supposed to be straight’ are the exact kind of people we don’t need here. BTS supports LGBT people and it’s only a better fact that two of them are in a relationship together. Straight isn’t the default. I wholeheartedly support Namjoon and Hoseok’s relationship, and everyone should seeing as Namjoon has been so fucking happy lately, hasn’t anyone else noticed? A while ago he was looking/feeling a little depressed but then out of nowhere he became happier than we’ve ever seen him, which is where he probably began his relationship with Hoseok. Hoseok and Namjoon are happy together, and they will continue to be happy whether idiots saying they should be straight are in the fandom or not.”

 

There was silence after Namjoon’s translation, which resulted in Hoseok asking a question quietly. “We aren’t allowed to retweet stuff like this, are we?”

 

Namjoon hummed, “I doubt it.”

 

“Wanna find out what happens if we do?”

 

At that moment as Namjoon was about to answer, Namjoon got a text from Manager Sejin. After reading it, he responded with, “You can talk about the tweet to fans tonight, seeing as Sejin and them have decided we should do an explanation VLIVE.”

 

That night, they were sat in Rkive and Hoseok was setting up the camera and VLIVE settings while Namjoon texted Sejin about what they were supposed to reveal exactly. About fifteen minutes later, they were ready to go and they took a deep breath before pressing the button to go live.

 

“ Live start! BTS : our explanation ”

 

Within thirty seconds, the live was already being watched by tens of thousands of people, and only more were to come. After a few minutes, they already had about five hundred thousand people viewing, and decided to officially start.

 

“Hello, ARMY.”

 

“Hi~” Hoseok greeted.

 

They read the chat for a few seconds, then spoke again. “As some of you may have figured,” Namjoon began, “This live is gonna be me and Hobi explaining ourselves, kind of. Just telling you guys what’s happened between us, I guess is a way to put it.”

 

With their small introduction to how they’ve been dating for about a year and a half, they began delving into the details once they realized they’d reached seven hundred thousand viewers.

 

“I started to have feelings for Hoseok the night after Citifield, in 2018.”

 

“Yeah! Citifield!!!” Hoseok cheered, it being in his personality and making Namjoon smile.

 

“But Hoseok has liked me for a little bit longer than that, right? You mentioned that.” Namjoon let Hoseok speak rather than listen and nod like he’d been doing.

 

“I think I always looked at you a little different, honestly. But I think I truly realized how I felt during Wings era when we all got personal and it just kind of hit me differently, made me think about everything, including how I thought of you.” Hoseok spoke his mind and it was heartwarming to Namjoon, he’d never heard this from Hoseok.

 

“Well, it sure does feel sweet in here, considering I didn’t know that.” Namjoon blushed with a shy smile rising on his lips.

 

After that, they got into their sexualities.

 

“I… Honestly have no idea.” Namjoon said, staring into the camera with a “:]” face.

 

Hoseok spoke up, placing his hand on his chest, “I’m bisexual, and have known it for a while. I have a preference for guys, though.”

 

“Can I be Hoseok-sexual or is that unfair?” Namjoon asked, giggling.

 

Hoseok and Namjoon temporarily forgot they were on camera. “I think that can be taken numerous ways.”

 

They laughed and looked back at the camera, now ready to tell fans something they’ve probably been worrying about since the conference was broadcasted.

 

Hoseok told them “In case anyone was worrying, BTS is not likely to disband because of our coming out. We are currently waiting for a new contract to be made, so no worries.”

 

They kept on the live for a little longer, getting ready to go after 45 minutes. Before they could go, though, Namjoon still had to do one more thing for ARMY.

 

“So, we have a special request to prove our relationship.” Namjoon stated, catching Hoseok’s attention.

 

“What do you mean, Joon-ah?”

 

“We were told to kiss.” Namjoon said matter-of-factly.

 

Hoseok looks confused, “So why aren’t you kissing me yet?”

 

Namjoon takes that joke as a small challenge and moves quickly to land his lips on Hoseok’s, fully aware that the camera is getting everything. They only kissed for a few seconds before parting, thinking that was definitely enough to prove it to South Korea.

 

Then, simply, they said goodbye and turned off the live like normal. But right after, they checked twitter, going to alternate accounts to actually see what fans were saying. In just about every tweet on their timelines was a screenshot (or multiple) of them kissing, which only made them laugh.

 

“I told you, they love this shit.” Hoseok snickered.

 

Namjoon and Hoseok waited for the screenshot to clear for about thirty minutes, but were still a little surprised when it was still fully on their timeline, it even being people’s icons and headers.

 

Namjoon took it upon himself to switch to the group account, tweeting out in English:

 

“to anyone who missed the VLIVE, lemme recap for u:

• hoseok and i are dating
• we’ve been dating for almost two years
• hoseok is bisexual, and idk about myself but i love hoseok

yeah that’s basically it”

 

Namjoon replied with a Korean and Japanese translation, reading the replies that were almost all just screaming.

 

Hoseok tapped Namjoon, “Your third point...” Hoseok trailed off.

 

“What about it?” Namjoon began trying to hide his obvious smile.

 

Hoseok looked at him with a grin, “You said “I love Hoseok”. You love me?” His face was that of a giddy child, and Namjoon found it more than adorable. “I do, a lot.”

 

Hoseok flung his arms around Namjoon, leaving sloppy and half-open mouthed kisses on his neck to show his affection for the younger’s word choice.

 

“God, I love you so much.” Hoseok breathed out, squeezing Namjoon once more before letting him go to look happily dazed.

 

Next week, there was another meeting that confirmed BTS would take a short break to have everything settle down a little before returning to the music scene officially. But other than that, they were good for now. The media seemed mostly indifferent, and it’s probably exclusive to them because of how well-known they are and how much of an impact they have. They were the luckiest kids alive, that they knew and thanked everything for everyday.

 

When they got dismissed from the meeting, almost everyone went back to the dorm. But not Namjoon and Hoseok, oh no. They went out and stayed out for the day, it being a date and they had virtually no pressure on them to keep it a secret. Everyone knew now, or they would very soon.

 

Namjoon and Hoseok definitely abused this, since all they did the whole day was go to places they normally wouldn’t be able to—and make out. They always pledged to themselves that they’d never do something like push their sexuality on others, but fuck, with such an event over the past week, they couldn’t help it. They wanted to shove their love in people’s faces because they had it. They had true, genuine love and made sure everybody knew that nothing could separate them.

 

So once the day faded into night and they had gotten texts saying to text them if they were staying out, they answered the texts promptly and headed into the nearest karaoke room. They got their own room and ordered drinks, busting their lungs foolishly for the next few hours. But that’s what they’ve been dying to do for years, just be together and have fun like no one was watching.

 

Came morning, and the two were tangled together in Namjoon’s bed. A blanket covering their barely clothed bodies. They got hot last night, so they stripped to their boxers and tried their best not to get hard (spoiler: it didn’t work, Namjoon gave head for the first time.).

 

The others smiled when they came out of the room, complaining of headaches and body aches, but still clinging to each other nonetheless. They saw that now, they were happy. Happy happy. Not just smiles and laughs, there were shining eyes full of eyes and love that could make even a hopeless romantic believe they had someone out there.

 

Once they got back into making music, it only made them grow closer, now that they were allowed. Late night dance practice and competing with beats was their always.

 

Their first time wasn’t planned. Sure, neither was their first kiss or first sexual encounter, but this was different. It almost literally came out of nowhere.

 

The two had woken up in Namjoon’s bed (nothing new), and Hoseok had noticed something under the thin blanket covering them. He reached his hand underneath, the thought of it being Namjoon’s morning wood slipping his mind until he had his hand loosely wrapped around Namjoon’s dick through his gym shorts.

 

Namjoon woke up from that, embarrassed to no end but still encouraging Hoseok to do something about it. So, he did. Hoseok had Namjoon strip naked, making Namjoon’s entire body flush. Still hard, he stood at the side of the bed, trying to cover himself while being watched intensively by Hoseok.

 

“I’ve seen you naked, Joon-ah. No need to hide.” Hoseok still held his matter-of-fact tone, causing Namjoon to feel even more exposed.

 

“This is different, hyung!” Namjoon felt small as Hoseok stared him down, eventually standing far inside Namjoon’s personal space bubble with not even a finger on his boyfriend.

 

Hoseok opened his mouth to say something, but—

 

“Namjoon-ah!” Three muffled knocks came with Yoongi’s voice, and Namjoon bolted through Hoseok to hide under his covers, now terrified and hard.

 

All Namjoon heard was Hoseok barely opening the door, him saying “No,” then proceeding to close and lock the door with no explanation.

 

After that, Hoseok yanked the blanket away from Namjoon, loosely jerking him for a few seconds to get a few gasps before removing his hand.

 

“Ah, hyung, what—“

 

“Shh, Joon-ah. You’re okay. Let me know at any point if you wanna stop, okay?”

 

Namjoon nodded. Of course he had also been asked this before taking his clothes off in front of Hoseok, and had agreed quickly, having struggled with his shirt stupidly.

 

Now, Hoseok leaned down slowly, holding himself up with his arms to meet Namjoon’s lips, who finding the entire situation extremely hot. Easily submissive under Hoseok, fully naked for someone who was fully clothed. Goes to show Hoseok’s effect on him.

 

Namjoon’s body was heated from the source at his lips, until it pulled away and let the heat simmer. But without another wasted second, Hoseok was kissing down Namjoon’s body, still leaned over the side of the bed but starting to almost kneel on the floor. He started earning audible gasps when he kissed the inside of his thighs, missing the clearly bothered part of his body.

 

“Hoseok, hyung, please— please touch me.”

 

Namjoon sounded a wreck, and he hadn’t even been properly touched, it’s like he’d reverted to being fifteen and hormonal again ever since Hoseok came into his life.

 

“How, Joonie? How do you want me to touch you?” Hoseok placed his lips on Namjoon’s tip, making him squirm.

 

Namjoon breathed, “I don’t— I can’t say it.”

 

Hoseok hummed and took Namjoon into his mouth, not wasting time before he could feel the recently kissed tip hit the back of his throat.

 

“Fuck, oh God,” Namjoon sputtered swears at the sudden heat on him, craving more and more. Hoseok moaned around him and felt Namjoon shiver as he let out a crude sound.

 

Hoseok pulled off Namjoon with no mercy to his saliva covered member now freezing at room temperature as he asked again, “How do you want me to touch you?”

 

Namjoon grips at the sheets, begging the air to give his dick some kind of friction. Hoseok, unimpressed with his antics, squeezed his hand around Namjoon’s length in a way that was teetering on painful pleasure or normal pleasure.

 

“Answer me, Joon-ah, or I’ll leave you to yourself,” Hoseok threatened him, making Namjoon’s eyes shoot open.

 

“No! No! Please don’t leave me, fuck, please Hoseok don’t—I would never forgive you,” Namjoon rambled, still not giving any request.

 

Hoseok decided to cut him some slack, he supposes it is a little difficult to speak your mind when it’s your first time. Because on gay terms, Namjoon’s a virgin.

 

Moving his hand off Namjoon’s length and letting him breathe, he moves his fingers down to nudge his hole, satisfied with Namjoon’s sexually panicked response of his dick beginning to spurt precum. “Want me to finger you, Joonie? Eat you out? Wanna ride me? Want me to ride you? Or do you wanna start vanilla and I’ll just fuck you until you can’t walk? Or the other way around, if you’re up for it.” Hoseok listed the options, every single one sounding fucking heavenly to Namjoon.

 

Namjoon wanted every one of those things, in that order, if possible. But unfortunately, Namjoon had studied a little more, specifically on overstimulation, and knew he couldn’t handle all those things at once where he’s at. He’d make it his mission to, one day.

 

“F-Fuck me Hoseok, please, I— I need it— need you, please—”

 

“Shh.. Namjoonie. I can do that. I have to prep you,” Hoseok told him, standing and walking over to his designated drawer in Namjoon’s dresser. Coming back, Namjoon saw lube and a condom, only wanting one of them to stay.

 

“We don’t need a condom, hyung, we’re both clean, we both know that.” Namjoon tried to reason the condom out of Hoseok’s head, easily succeeding.

 

“Just wanted to be careful, but I know, baby.”

 

The pet name only flared Namjoon up more. He heard a bottle squirt then felt a cold substance being rubbed around his entrance, slicking it up.

 

“I’m gonna start, okay?”

 

Namjoon nodded, and a few seconds later, there was a finger inside him, slowly moving and adapting until Namjoon felt the knuckle at his rim. Namjoon was breathing out harshly, feeling both violated and extremely pleasured by the foreign feeling. He read online that it gets better, so he’d have to see for himself who wins.

 

Without warning, Hoseok’s finger starts moving again, almost fully coming out but is pushed back in to the knuckle before being repeated. Now, Namjoon is letting out tiny moans, everything going straight to his dick.

 

“I’m gonna add a second one, is that okay?” Hoseok didn’t even have to ask Namjoon, who whined out a yes, already writhing at one finger, so imagine two— fuck.

 

Hoseok pushed in two fingers after he pulled on this time, taking Namjoon off guard even though he knew it was coming.

 

“Oh, fuck, holy fuck, fuck fuck fuck—” Namjoon swore like a sailor, encouraging Hoseok to speed up after he acknowledged Namjoon was surprisingly comfortable.

 

Another few pumps later, and there were three fingers in Namjoon, who was moaning quietly and was very pleased with the preparations. He about forgot that Hoseok would be dicking him down in the next five minutes.

 

With Hoseok’s pace, Namjoon couldn’t help but mutter out an “I’m close, I’m close,” which even though was quietly mumbled, Hoseok heard and he took out his fingers immediately after he did.

 

“No, what the fuck, hyung? What’s wrong with you?!” Namjoon whined at Hoseok, who couldn’t help but smirk at Namjoon’s desperateness.

 

“You can’t come yet, I haven’t even gotten to you yet.” Hoseok said lowly.

 

Hoseok told Namjoon to lay down properly, and he did in a heartbeat, watching with lust overflowing from his eyes as Hoseok finally took something off, his shirt, revealing his toned body and giving a better view to his golden skin.

 

“I love your body,” Namjoon stated, eyes not leaving Hoseok’s torso. Namjoon doesn’t know where the thought originated, but Hoseok would look really good with tattoos. Afterwards, off came his pants to leave him in his boxers, he was of course painfully hard. Namjoon would feel bad, but his thoughts are a little too clouded for that.

 

“I love yours, baby,” The pet name again slipped out naturally, though neither of them were complaining. Namjoon wouldn’t dare to complain about anything in the world right now.

 

Hoseok moved to kneel on the bed, getting between Namjoon’s legs despite them trying to close by reflexes before he could.

 

“Joon-ah, I want you to know that this probably will hurt at first, but I promise it’ll get better, okay?” Hoseok rubbed Namjoon’s leg.

 

Namjoon nodded with a few deep breaths, ghosting a hand over Hoseok’s on his leg. “Okay.”

 

Hoseok leaned over him to grab the lube that was laying on the side of the bed, giving Namjoon a spectacular view of Hoseok’s body. “Fuck, your hot,” He groaned out. Might as well go all-in at this point.

 

Hoseok just laughed quietly, coming back to tower over Namjoon, stealing a kiss and leaning back to admire his boyfriend already looking so fucked out from just prep. Namjoon had hair beginning to stick to his forehead and was shining. Hoseok would even say he was glowing.

 

Sliding his boxers off, Hoseok threw them on the floor somewhere.

 

“You’re more than three fingers, Hobi. Do you... Need to prep me more?”

 

Hoseok snorted, “Just say you love my fingers ‘nd go, Joonie. And don’t worry, I’ll be careful. I wouldn’t dare hurt you.” He stroked himself a little, flicking the cap up on the lube and squeezing some out on his hand. He jerked himself a few more times to get enough on his member, now warning Namjoon again that it may hurt.

 

“Just fuck me before I go soft because you care so much.” Namjoon whined.

 

Hoseok, deciding not to tease him any more on his first time, lined himself up with Namjoon’s hole, already feeling relieved when his tip began dipping inside. Pushing in a little bit further, Namjoon was now holding his breath, trying to tough it out.

 

“Breathe, Namjoon. Don’t tense up, baby, it’s okay,” Hoseok rubbed Namjoon’s sides to try to get him to unwind a little bit. Him tensing was understandable, he was new to this.

 

Feeling him relax a little bit, Namjoon kept trying to take deep breaths as only Hoseok’s tip was inside him. He had a lot farther to go.

 

“Okay, move.” Namjoon breathed out, comfortable with how far in Hoseok was.

 

He obeyed, pushing himself in a little farther and groaning at the stretch. Namjoon tensed again, but this time he took deep breaths before Hoseok had to tell him to. Hands remaining on Namjoon’s sides, he tried to comfort him through this, knowing how uncomfortable it can feel.

 

Eventually, Hoseok was all the way in and Namjoon was probably hyperventilating, because he was 95% sure it was all pleasure now.

 

“Fuck, move, Hoseok, please,” Namjoon whispered, out of breath.

 

Following his demands, Hoseok pulled out to his tip slowly, pushing back in to where he just was. He himself was letting out small groans at how tight Namjoon was despite prep, unable to shake that thought.

 

Hoseok felt Namjoon becoming more comfortable, and began moving on his own pace, thrusting in and out of him slowly as not to hurt him. He continued the slow, agonizing pace until Namjoon pleaded for greater speed, which Hoseok was relieved to fulfill.

 

Going faster, his self control was teetering in an out of check. Hoseok wanted to wreck Namjoon until all he knew was Hoseok. But on the other hand, Namjoon was just now losing his virginity (again), so he could absolutely not do that.

 

His hips stuttered as both sides argued with each other, enjoying how Namjoon felt on every thrust. Namjoon was letting out small, breathy moans and felt like he was higher than Cloud 9, it was incredible.

 

“Please, Hoseok, go faster, my God,” Namjoon said a little loudly.

 

“Babe, are you sure?” Hoseok asked, trying to keep his fucking hormones in check.

 

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I’m s-so fucking sure, okay?” Namjoon replied with speed, desperation dripping from his voice.

 

Hoseok couldn’t deny it now, and Namjoon could stop him at any second if he didn’t like it. So, he sped up, now approaching an animalistic pace but not yet there. Namjoon was trying to hold himself back and Hoseok could tell, it’s a common thing amongst virgins.

 

“Joon-ah, let me hear you.” Hoseok grunted, keeping his pace as he spoke.

 

Namjoon didn’t respond, so Hoseok took a risk to hear him and make him feel even better. Hoseok slowed down a little, moving his hands back to grip the undersides of Namjoon’s thighs, and pushed them forward to get a slightly different angle.

 

Now, Namjoon let out a loud and sudden moan, almost a scream. Now, Namjoon couldn’t be quiet if he wanted to, with Hoseok pounding into his prostate and his orgasm approaching at a rapid pace.

 

“H-Hoseok— Hoseok I’m gonna— I’m gonna come, fuck,” Namjoon cried, white-knuckling the sheets.

 

With that, Hoseok went as fast as his body would let him, doing his best holding back his own orgasm because he was going to make Namjoon come first.

 

And thankfully, he did soon enough. Screaming Hoseok’s name like his life depended on it, strings of white came from his dick and Hoseok slowed his thrusts with stuttering hips to fuck him through it, but also not come.

 

Somehow, during one of their conversations after his first blowjob, Namjoon had told Hoseok he imagined being cum on on his face, and although Hoseok still doesn’t really recall the topic of their conversation, he was happy to deliver his boyfriend’s wish for their first time.

 

Pulling out slowly, Namjoon sighed at the emptiness as Hoseok told Namjoon to sit up. He did, slowly, knowing what was coming (literally).

 

Namjoon was barely above eye level with Hoseok’s dick, and decided that while Hoseok was jerking himself to orgasm, he’d give a few kitten licks to his tip. Because that definitely didn’t affect Hoseok.

 

Hoseok came at that sight alone, releasing everything onto Namjoon’s face, some landing in his hair. Namjoon didn’t present himself as the least bit disgusted, which was even more hot to Hoseok, because Hoseok has been in that position not under request and didn’t find it particularly pleasing.

 

As the last drops were actually licked up by Namjoon, Hoseok leaned back off his knees and watched Namjoon lick the cum from around his mouth, clearly in some kind of sex headspace. Namjoon was very different during sex than he would normally be, which was unexpected to Hoseok before he first found out.

 

Unable to reach any more, Namjoon slowly slipped from his sexual headspace and stared at Hoseok, panting. “Let’s… Let’s get cleaned up, hyung.”

 

The snuck out of Namjoon’s room and ran to the bathroom, terrified of being caught by the other members like this. After an uneventful shower and a changing of Namjoon’s bed set, they were now lying together ( clothed ) in Namjoon’s room, Namjoon curled into Hoseok’s chest and adoring silently how much he loved Hoseok’s body wash.

 

Out of nowhere, Namjoon confessed, “I love you, Hoseok.”

 

Hoseok’s eyes widened, even though Namjoon definitely couldn’t see him—his eyes were closed. He wasn’t asleep, he couldn’t be. He just said he loved Hoseok.

 

“Namjoon-ah…” Hoseok leaned away so he could look at Namjoon properly, cupping his face. “...Really?”

 

Namjoon opened his eyes and broke out into a shy, dimpled smile, “Yes, really. I love you, Jung Hoseok. I do. With all of my heart.”

 

Hoseok could barely believe what he was hearing. While someone who didn’t know Namjoon that well might just say “I love you, too”, that wasn’t the case for Hoseok. Hoseok knew Namjoon, and knows how Namjoon reserves that word when used seriously for very few people instead of using it so freely. Hoseok could even name everyone who he’s said it to: the other members, Namjoon’s family (including Monie), and ARMY. Those are the only people lucky enough to truly have Namjoon’s love. Now, Hoseok didn’t only have his love as a friend, he had his love as a lover. Hoseok had Namjoon’s heart.

 

Hoseok had Namjoon’s heart.

 

Hoseok had Namjoon’s heart.

 

Hoseok smashed his lips onto Namjoon’s smiley lips, the realization hitting him harder than a brick to the face. Namjoon loved loved him. Hoseok put every last bit of his love for Namjoon into this bruising kiss, making 200% sure that Namjoon got his message. Hoseok smiled into the kiss, it may be the happiest he’s ever been.

 

Midway through, Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh into the kiss, continuing for a second before pulling away to laugh properly and look at Hoseok.

 

“Hyung, why are you crying?” Namjoon smiled softly.

 

Shit, was Hoseok crying? Reaching his fingers up to his face, Hoseok gasped a little bit as he felt the wet droplets emerging from his eyes. He wiped his tears away, now laughing a little at himself.

 

“You— you love me. You said you love me, do you know how much that means to me?”

 

“I’ve said it before, though?” Namjoon questioned.

 

Hoseok shook his head, “All you’ve said before was “yeah, I do” or something, this time you fully said it, with your whole heart, even, I just—” Hoseok let a few more tears fall, only making Namjoon hold him tighter, cuddling back into his chest. “This is stupid, I love you so fucking much, Kim Namjoon, never forget that.”

 

Namjoon giggled into Hoseok’s chest, being unable to help himself at his boyfriend’s emotional reaction. “I love you too, Jung Hoseok. Don’t you ever forget that.”

 

Jung Hoseok never forgot it. Neither did Kim Namjoon.

 

“Go to the piano bar with Hoseok, they said. It will be fun, they said.” Namjoon told. “And even now, I think it was a shit ton of fun.”

 

Hoseok looked at his husband with adoration pouring out of his eyes—completely opposite to Hyujin and Jumyeon.

 

“Dad… We really didn’t need that last part… Or anything like it.” Hyujin scrunches her face in disgust from where she sat with her knees to her chest against the arm of the couch.

 

“I agree with Hyujin for once.” Jumyeon raised his hand from his probably uncomfortable spot on their floor.

 

Namjoon just laughed at them, their sibling rivalry put aside to be disgusted by their dads. “You two will have sex someday, and your old enough that I shouldn’t have to censor it.”

 

“Yeah,” Hoseok began, leaning forward, “Hyujin, you’re almost 15 and Jumyeon just turned 14. When I was your guys’ age… Whew. My thoughts were all over the place, hormones are a bitch.” They all laughed, Namjoon glancing at an old picture of Hoseok he had framed on the mantle—he was sleeping in the photo.

 

“I am not having sex anytime soon, and Hyujin-noona better not be—or else I will get her room!” Jumyeon warned, causing an outburst from Hyujin.

 

“You will not! It’s always been my room, just suck it up that you weren’t adopted first!”

 

“We’re four minutes apart, tell Dad that he should’ve checked his email quicker!” Hyujin pointed at Namjoon.

 

Namjoon surrendered, “Don’t drag me into this, I’m just trying to adore your dad, here.”

 

A few minutes and thoughts on their love story later, Jumyeon spoke up with excitement and mischief written on his face. “Does this mean that when Yoongi hyung and them come over we can tell them about the places you fucked in your old dorm?”

 

“NO!”