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Before you read this: this is dealing with some serious stuff about self harm and suicide so if you're triggered easy, turn around right here and go read some fluff
Dean Winchester was know for his tough aesthetic: complete with his face full of piercing and arms and chest adorned with tattoos. He usually did songs within the punk rock genre and now here he was sitting on the couch of 'Sing my Song' explaining to 'A Great Big World' which song he was about to perform.
"This song doesn't need much explanation. I'm gonna say that, unfortunately it's a really accurate summary of my last relationship… " He smiled, not yet giving away the title but just stood up and took the mike. He saw the other artists' surprised faces as the soft tunes of 'Say Something' started. He'd participated in this show before but had chosen fast songs and added his own style. He took a deep breath.
"Say something I'm giving up on you…" He began, feeling his long suppressed emotions well up already.
"…anywhere I would've followed you." Maybe it was a mistake to sing about Cas here. Especially after the recent months.
"...I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl." Dean noticed the first crack in his voice but pressed on.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you." He sang, tears rising in his eyes. He closed them.
"You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye." Dean could almost see Cas in front of him as he bid him farewell, his hand trembling around the mike, feeling the tears flow down his face.
"...Say something…" He almost whispered, he couldn't get the image of Cas out of his head: Caslying on their bed, his eyes open wide staring up at the ceiling blankly, those big blue globes that had sparkled with life - or in the last months sparkled with weed - dead and cold. He shook Cas for at least five minutes calling desperately out to him...
Before opening his eyes and seeing all the other artists including "A Great Big World" sitting there with wet eyes. He licked his lips, swallowed his tears and walked back to the couch and a stunned round of applause followed him.
"Wow." Ian Axel said and Dean smiled tremulously as he sat down.
"That wasn't what I expected." Chad Vaccarino added and Dean chuckled, flicking one of the rings in his lower lip with the tip of his tongue nervously.
"It was amazing, though." Ian said.
"Thank you." Dean said.
"You were really emotionally… could I ask you why?" Chad asked. Dean rubbed a hand over his face.
"Yeah, well as I said already my last relationship - romantic relationship, of course, kind of ended that way. The way I interpret the song anyhow, as lovers and one of them somehow closes off to the other, whether because of grief, fear or something else and the first lover can't get through to him and their love breaks apart." Dean cleared his throat.
"In my case, my boyfriend, got into some bad stuff after his father died and he lost his childhood home and he just kept getting worse and I tried and tried to get through to him, to show him that I loved him more than anything… that I love him more than anything but I didn't know how. I didn't understand any of his feelings… I never had them before, I just knew that I didn't want to live without him." Dean took a deep breath.
"But I couldn't reach him and he just spiraled down and… eventually he took his own life." Dean said, hearing soft gasps and shocked pause. "So, yeah, I'm a bit emotional about this song and once I knew that I had to perform one of your songs, I knew it had to be this one, simply because every time I sing it I feel a bit better."
"That is a huge compliment, Dean, and I'm really sorry about your boyfriend." Ian said. Dean nodded.
"Now that was a mood killer." He chuckled dryly.