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Yanan isn't entirely sure what he's supposed to do. He auditioned, yes. He got into the company, yes. They flew him out to Korea, yes. But they didn't tell him what to do from there. “One of our trainee’s will meet you at the airport,” isn't exactly a concise set of directions.
And he doesn't mean to be rude, but assuming the trainee meeting him is as young as the ones he's seen on those tv shows and just as short, he's pretty much screwed. Everyone in this goddamn airport is short, and a good majority of them are young.
The chances of Yanan finding the right person are about as high as the chances of him finding his soulmate.
“You never know, Yananie. You might find your soulmate and finally bring someone home to introduce to us,” his mother had oh so delicately supplied when they'd gotten word he'd been accepted into Cube Entertainment. Yanan had barely held back a snide remark in return; his soulmate is either nonexistent, or dead. Admittedly though, a small part of him continues to dwell on it. The birthmark on his arm indicates he has the potential of a soulmate, but the statistics alone indicate he has little to no chance of meeting them.
Someone, an old man with an American accent, pushes past him as he talks on the phone, knocking Yanan’s bag over and continuing his fast pace after shooting an angry glare over his shoulder. Yanan huffs; how rude. He leans down to pick his bag up, trying not to get in anyone else's way as he waits.
The crowd here is a little ridiculous. Like the general public absolutely has to be in the Incheon national airport right this second. Yanan wishes he could be literally anywhere else right now (preferably his bed back in Shanghai) but where else is he supposed to go? He's never been to Korea, and he barely speaks the language. How is he supposed to find his way around without getting brutally murdered?
“Excuse me?” A tender voice says in Mandarin behind Yanan’s back. He nearly cries in relief at hearing a familiar language, no matter how heavy the accent.
He turns around and doesn't see anything at first before he remembers 99.9% of Koreans are shorter than him, and looks down.
“Oh my god,” he gasps, because truly, the man in front of him must be a god. It's impossible for him not to be. He’s shorter than Yanan, but slightly taller than the others milling around them. His hair is side swept under a baseball cap, and he's wearing a soft looking sweater with ripped jeans. He's gorgeous.
“Are you Yanan?” The beautiful man asks. His smile is brighter than the sun. Yanan hasn't even made it to the company building yet and he's already being blinded.
He gapes for a second, but who can blame him, honestly. “I-I… yes. I’m Yanan…” he hurriedly bows at a ninety degree angle. The shorter blushes lightly at the show of respect. “A-are you the trainee from Cube Entertainment?”
The man nods, an adorable smile plastered across his face. Yanan feels his heart thump painfully against his chest.
“I am.” He bows and says, “Yeo Changgu, but you can just call me Changgu,” before he straightens and meets Yanan’s eyes dead on for the first time.
A heady thrum fills the air around them, the rest of the world going out of focus. The thumping in Yanan’s chest gets harder at the glint of something in Changgu's eyes. The feeling building up in his ribcage is endearing and amazing but so overwhelming, Yanan has to take a deep breath. Is he having a heart attack? What is this?
Changgu seems to be just as taken as their gazes lock together. He doesn't move or blink, and neither does Yanan, they just stare. Someone bumps into them, breaking the thick, buzzing tension and Changgu shakes himself out of the daze, bringing Yanan with him as he clears his throat uncomfortably and blinks quickly a few times. “May I take your bag?” He asks, gesturing to Yanan’s large suitcase rather than his much smaller, manageable backpack.
“Oh, uh… sure, yeah. Thank you.” He hands the suitcase off to Changgu, and follows him out of the airport to a van waiting to take them into Seoul.
Over the course of the rest of the day, Yanan learns a few things about himself, and Korea. For starters, he knows more Korean than he'd originally thought; a plus for when he'd somehow lost Changgu on a crowded street lined with restaurants and had to ask if anyone had seen an extremely handsome angel sent from heaven. Second: most people here are actually very nice, despite being vertically challenged. And the third, Yanan is only just now concluding as they eat noodles in uncomfortable plastic chairs on the street: Changgu is literally perfect.
Like, really really perfect. He's easy to talk to through the language barriers. He laughs loudly when Yanan gets flustered over mispronouncing the word for pepper and ends up saying penis very loudly in a family dining place, but calls him a cutie and understands. He's an all around wholesome guy, and Yanan would even say he’s soulmate material-
Wait.
He pauses at the thought, chopsticks lifted halfway from the bowl and his mouth hanging open.
Changgu. Yeo Changgu. His soulmate.
Could it be?
No, it can't.
Soulmates are just an overused marketing ploy in the media. They barely exist anymore. And even if they were common, and Changgu is his soulmate, Yanan hasn't seen a similar birthmark on Changgu or a flash of what their life together will be like.
“Hey, are you okay?” Changgu’s watching him carefully, his chopsticks likewise paused midair. Yanan hadn't realised he’d been darting his eyes around and shaking his head like he was having an argument with himself.
“Oh uh…” he clears his throat and puts his chopsticks down. Should he tell Changgu? He's known the guy for less than twelve hours and suddenly saying “bro, I think you're my soulmate” isn't exactly considered socially acceptable. “Yeah, I'm fine,” he tries to smile reassuringly. Changgu doesn't buy it, and looks back at him, unimpressed.
There's absolutely no way he'd meet his soulmate after ten minutes of being in a new country. No way.
……………...
Changgu’s not the most attractive when he wakes up. That fact becomes clear to Yanan after a month of sharing a room with him. But what’s funny is that Changgu doesn’t seem to give a shit about his appearance in the morning. Sometimes Yanan wakes up to him literally falling off his bunk with a hard thud, groaning as he sits up while running a hand through his hair that’s standing every which way and scratching at the light stumble along his chin with the other. What’s even funnier is that Yanan doesn’t give a single shit either. In fact, he finds it adorable. So much so, he sometimes sets his alarm for a little too early just so he can shake Changgu awake himself.
Except, Changgu’s kind of a sweaty person. Yanan never fully registers it, not that he cares much, he’s been slowly giving up on finding any flaw on the guy at all, but he notices it more and more as summer progresses.
One day, Yanan’s alarm jolts him out of a dream at the ass crack of dawn. The screeching sound resembling an evil cackle, mocking him for having responsibilities in an hour.
He sits up with a grunt, bemoaning the oncoming day of lessons, and cursing the Korean language for being so difficult. But then he remembers, Changgu’s not awake yet .
He grins tiredly and his sleep addled brain briefly considers just kissing the other awake, because why not, right? When in Seoul.
But, eventually, he reasons no, he won’t do that - he’s got morning breath, after all.
“Changgu…” he says through a yawn. “Changgu-yah, wake up, we’ve got shit to do.”
Changgu groans and rolls over.
Yanan stands up, and looks at Changgu’s back through squinted eyes. “Buddy, c’mon. Hui-hyung will get mad at us again…”
Silence.
“Changgu?”
A soft snore.
Yanan sighs, and reaches up to shake Changgu awake, scrunching his nose when his palm hits a very sweaty, very warm back. Who the heck wears a sweatshirt to sleep in the dead of summer? Yanan’s in nothing but a thin pair of boxers and a tank top, and he’s already feeling the heat of the day for christ’s sake
And that’s when he comes to the somewhat belated realisation of why he’s never seen any birthmark on Changgu. The guy never takes his sweaters off.
“Did you shower yet, Yananie?” Changgu mutters, sitting up as he rubs his eyes. He doesn’t even have the sleeves of the sweatshirt rolled up, and his hair is matted to his head like he’d just showered.
It's so strange, and Yanan tries to think of how to phrase the question to ask in Korean without coming off as rude. He mumbles some horrific mix of Chinese and Korean before rushing into the bathroom without even grabbing clean clothes. He’s too confused and exhausted, and all he can think is the fact Changgu might actually have a soulmark and is trying to hide it.
He asks Hwitaek, yet another shorty with an impossible name to pronounce, after breakfast, and he tells him Changgu “gets chills.”
Of course, Yanan could've just misheard him- he’d thought Hwitaek had said ‘he texts nipple’ at first, but...What?
It's a million degrees outside, and humid; Changgu can't be cold unless he's either the IceMan, or has a serious illness.
The only explanation Yanan can come up with -other than Changgu secretly being Elsa- is that he may not have a birthmark at all, and really does just “get chills”, because that makes sense, right?
…………….
Even with soulmates being as recessive as they are, Yanan has seen a few. His parents, for one, both have a patch of dark skin shaped like a heart above their left eye. Hyojung and Hwitaek have marks looking like small forks on the back of their necks, and it was recently revealed -within the kpop idol community, of course- that Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin have the same birthmark on their shoulders. They all , look at each other the same way: with adoration, with pure love, with absolute trust.
Yanan catches himself looking at Changgu like that more and more frequently.
“What?” Changgu asks, tacking on a giggle that makes Yanan’s heart race as he looks up from under his eyelashes. They're just about to start filming for Pentagon Maker, the staff are already preparing the lighting in the room, and Changgu looks perfect in his skinny jeans and striped sweater; the LED light casting a beautiful warm gleam onto his skin. All Yanan can do is watch the shorter laugh and converse with the staff while they prepare to film.
More than anything though, he wants to lean down and kiss his stupid adorable lips, but he's also Yanan, and he can't do normal human things without tripping over himself.
He forces out an awkward chuckle, reaching a hand up as he awkwardly mutters, “you've got something in your hair.”
Changgu looks down bashfully, “Oh…”
There's nothing actually in his hair, and they both know it, but Yanan runs his fingers through the soft black strands anyway. They’ve been doing things like this alot lately; finding excuses to touch each other or do things a normal couple would do.
Yanan smiles after he messes Changgu’s hair a little more. “There, got it.”
Shinwon and Wooseok burst in a second later, making their large presence known by nearly knocking over a light, and almost destroying the camera. A few minutes after that, the film crew shift into silence to begin rolling.
“We are doing the Pepero game,” Shinwon announces, like it's some massive event that will go down in history.
Yanan doesn't know what the hell a pepero is, but he’s learned the hard way that, when in doubt, assume something dirty.
“Yananie-hyung,” Wooseok continues, “you and Yeo One-hyung are first. Do you know how to play?”
Yanan looks at him for a second, then at Changgu’s wide, joyful eyes, then back at Wooseok. “Is it a kissing game?” He guesses. He’s completely pulling the answer out of his ass, yeah, but apparently China severely lacks in the homo-erotic games department, so he is not to blame.
Shinwon grins and Wooseok pulls out a chocolate covered stick. “Watch,” he puts the stick between his teeth and lurches forward in what looks like a very impaling, very stiff kiss. It certainly looks like they kiss to Yanan, and he certainly wishes that's what’s supposed to happen. If not for the kiss he'd get from Changgu, then for the pure hilarity of the whole thing.
“Now you two have to get smaller than us.” They hold up a small piece of what's left of the stick, and it's really too tiny to compete with, but Changgu steps forward in challenge.
“We’ll beat that,” he says confidently. He looks right at the camera for emphasis.
“Oh boy,” Yanan whispers under his breath, because this is it, this is how he dies. His soulmate-but-probably-not is a competitive shit.
He doesn't notice Changgu’s willingness, and boils the man’s happy excited bouncing down to a furious determination for victory.
Changgu hands a stick over and steps closer. A little too close, in Yanan’s opinion, but only because he can't function whenever he's within five feet of the guy. “Our lips might touch you know.”
Yanan freezes for a second. He's never kissed anyone before, honestly. Why would he? He's supposed to have a soulmate out there, somewhere; why would he waste time on someone else? But Changgu is worth it. He deserves Yanan’s first kiss, even if it's being recorded and they’re not actually soulmates. “Yeah,” he rushes out, “get on with it.”
“Why are you closing your eyes?”
“I'm not,” -he totally is- “come on.” He grabs Changgu’s shoulders and feels him put his hands around the back of his neck, like they're preparing for a real, honest kiss. He pulls him forward before he can psych himself out, and everything around them fades into the distance. Then, almost as if he's imagining it, he feels the soft touch of warm... something. It’s a completely foreign sensation, and Yanan doesn't register what it is until he opens his eyes and Changgu’s right there . Like, less-than-an-inch-away right there.
The feeling is so magical, it sends a zing up his spine, and he’s pretty sure he can't feel his toes. Colours are bursting in front of his eyes, a warm, comforting wave washing over him. The distinct smell of Changgu is all around him, and it's overwhelming. So so overwhelming, he pulls away and slowly takes the remaining piece of stick out of his mouth. Changgu is gazing up at him, a look of warring emotions swimming across his face as he furrows his brow slightly and remains silent.
He thinks he sees a small smile pulling at Changgu’s lips, but it can’t be real, his brain’s just too high on the adrenaline.
Shinwon and Wooseok are staring at them in shock, then they explode in fits of laughter.
“You two win,” Shinwon says through a cackle. “That was the closest I have ever seen anyone get for that game.”
Yanan forces a giggle out because they're still filming and he can't be seen having a mental break down on camera, and raises an eyebrow at Changgu. But he’s still... staring, not moving a muscle long enough that the film crew is definitely going to have to edit this out, and Yanan thinks he should at least have blinked by now as a dark bubble of fear forms in his belly.
Changgu turns his head after a moment to look to the side, clearing his throat.
Yanan’s smile fades, and he gulps as he watches Changgu carefully. A few seconds pass. Before it gets too awkward, he turns around, laughing and grinning at the camera as he takes Yanan’s hand in his, squeezing it tightly. Too tightly. Like it's a message. Yanan looks over, and even though Changgu is looking at the camera and smiling animatedly, he can see a light dusting of pink across his cheeks.
There should be relief flooding through Yanan, and his heart should be leaping up into his mouth and down to his ass, but there isn't. His heart is beating fast, and Changgu’s hand around his feels heavy. Everything about him is screaming to hold Changgu closer, to grab him and kiss him again. He doesn’t care about the cameras, repercussions be damned; the only thing holding him back is Changgu’s reaction . He doesn't know what the shorter is thinking, what he wants from him. He doesn't know. He might just be overthinking everything like always, but...
But heck, he knows he’s in love.
……………….
Somehow, Yanan gets stuck taking the maknae line out for lunch. Shinwon comes along purely for the trip to McDonalds.
“I'm one of the youngest, too, you know.”
“Hyung, you're older than Changgu-hyung.”
“Minor details, Wooseokie-yah.”
Yanan shakes his head in mild disappointment. He’d thought his sanity was slipping with the end of Pentagon Maker nearing, but apparently Shinwon’s is completely gone. He steps forward in the line as he asks, “Alright, so who am I paying for?”
“Me,” the other four chant. Yanan pulls out his wallet with a side-eye at Shinwon.
“What?” Shinwon puts a hand on his chest and steps closer to Wooseok in case Yanan swings at him. He can probably see the low flames of fury that have slowly been growing in his eyes since Cube announced a survival show. “I was eliminated, Yananie. I need comfort food,” he says with an exaggerated pout.
Yanan rolls his eyes. “Hyung, you’re such a child.”
Shinwon lets out an offended scoff in response.
They sit down with their food a few minutes later. Hyunggu and Yuto are talking about some new anime they're watching together, Wooseok is trying to trick Shinwon into eating a packet of hot sauce by telling him it's ketchup, and Yanan’s watching them like a content grandma. Except he’s not content at all. He’s the awkward fifth wheel, and even though he’s not complaining, he loves hanging out with his friends, he still feels lonely despite himself. No one here speaks an ounce of Chinese.
His phone buzzes in his pocket as he takes a bite of hamburger. A small smile tugs at his lips when he sees who the text is from.
Yoe One & Only
15:32 pm
Are you at McDonalds?
Yes, why?
Omw
“Changgu’s coming,” he says, putting his phone down to pick his burger up again.
Hyunggu and Yuto let out an excited “yay!” in unison before continuing to throw French fries at each other. Wooseok grins, and Shinwon raises a perfect eyebrow as he leans closer.
“So, Yananie,” he takes a bite out of his own burger, “what's with you and Changgu-yah?”
Yanan freezes, caught off guard mid-chew, and his face flushes incriminatingly. He swallows, and takes a sip of his drink to distract from the apprehension hovering around his shoulders. Truthfully, he’s been kind of weird around Changgu since the whole Pepero game thing, but in his defense, they haven't been any different from usual to the public eye. “What do you mean?”
Hyunggu leans forward then, a pensive look on his face. “Y’know,” he points a French fry at Shinwon, “now that hyung mentions it, you two have been…. I don't want to say cutesy, but lately there’s been a little too much PDA when we’re filming, hyung.”
Yanan shoots him a warning glare. Hyunggu’s face pales, and he sits back to hide behind Yuto. Good call.
“Did something happen between you two?” Yuto asks, fiddling with his Happy Meal toy.
Yanan puts his burger down and wipes his fingers off on Wooseok’s pant leg. He did not plan a nice family outing to be interrogated like this. Yes, something happened- he and Changgu fricking kissed and it was awesome and now he is tiptoeing around him in the privacy of their room, but he's not about to tell them that. “What makes you ask that?”
Shinwon barely bats an eye before answering. “Your birthmark.”
The table plunges into silence. Yanan takes a deep breath and looks down at where he’s leaning with his arms on full display, the dark patch of skin clear as day. Wooseok mutters a quiet, “oh shit,” sending chunks of food flying from his mouth, and Yuto’s jaw drops.
“It has nothing to do with me and Changgu, hyung.”
“Really? Are you sure?” Shinwon’s brow scrunches.
Yanan lifts his head with a heavy sigh. “I’m not sure if it’s even involved .”
“What do you mean?” Hyunggu burst out. He has that concerned look in his eyes, like he's about to cry because he has too many feelings. “Is something wrong?”
Yanan looks at him, and suddenly the entirety of the situation is in full view. Changgu never shows his arms, has never brought up the topic of soulmarks except in conversation about a new drama. Really, if Yanan’s being blunt with himself, they might not be anything at all -Changgu will grow old with someone else- but his heart is just too fragile to fully face it.
He opens his mouth to say something, anything to get them off what’s been distracting him so much, he’s on the brink of elimination. He might tell them he thinks he's in love with someone who isn't his soulmate, but what he says is not what he was expecting at all. He doesn’t know where it comes from, but the words are spilling out before he realises. “I have a really bad headache that comes and goes…”
“Hey guys!”
“Oh look, there it is.”
Changgu walks up right then with a smile the size of the universe radiating off his face.
“What?” He asks, and squints at the snickering maknaes. Yanan almost hits him for how gorgeous he looks today. Instead, he shrugs and waves his hand dismissively. “Anyway… how are you?” He asks as he pulls a chair up and drops a hand on Yanan’s shoulder.
The three youngest smile innocently and greet him, but Shinwon holds Yanan’s gaze for a few seconds. He knows what's happening, Yanan can see the gears working in his mind, and moves his head in a minuscule nod when Shinwon’s eyes widen as the final piece clicks into place.
“Figure this shit out,” he mouths, before turning to Changgu, and telling him to go order.
Changgu complies. He leans down to look Yanan in the eye before turning around. “Do you want anything, Yananie?”
Yanan’s heart skips at the proximity, and he wants so badly to say, “yes, you” but forces out a near choked, “can you get me a brownie?”
Changgu squeezes his shoulder with a grin. “Anything for you,” he says quietly. He doesn’t move, a hair's breadth away, and looks into Yanan’s eyes, as if contemplating something. Time stops like always. It's just the two of them, and it feels like they can do anything because as long as they're together, everything is okay. But the moment is over just as quickly as it began, Changgu taking a deep breath and stepping away.
“You two can not not be soulmates,” Yuto whispers across the table.
Yanan spends eighty-six thousand won that night at the most decent Chinese restaurant he could find out of sheer self-pity.
………….
This is probably not what Shinwon meant when he said figure shit out , but it’s what Yanan thought would work.
He's pretty sure he can't speak Korean anymore, though.
“Yananie, come on, let’s dance some more!” Changgu yells over the heavy thump of the music. He leans a little too far forward onto the table, an extreme pout marring his perfect lips.
Yanan throws his head up and lets it fall back down in a nod, downing the last of his drink in one gulp. Oh man , he is drunk. Changgu takes his hand to interlock their fingers, and pulls them onto the dance floor.
They're at some nightclub on the party side of Gangnam that Yanan had let Changgu pick out for multiple reason. Mostly, he'd just wanted to see what kind of debauchery driven establishments the guy frequented, but he is also a foreigner, and, understandably, does not know these things. The weirdest moment of the night -pre-alcohol, of course- was when Changgu brought him to a highly exclusive ‘all men's club’, and got them in after a brief conversation with the security guard posted out front. When inquired upon, he'd simply shrugged and said, “the owner is practically my father.”
Yanan had chosen to save the questions that had sparked for later. Like, when they're not drunk off their asses and grinding against each other in a crowd of older men.
Changgu latches his hands around Yanan’s neck as the song changes, the material of his sweater lightly scratching between their sweaty skin. He slots their hips together, moving to the steady beat of the music. Yanan never thought he could gasp so hard, grind so obscenely, replicating the position the men around them are swaying in. It feels so good to let go, to fall into the music and thrive off the way Changgu feels against him.
He’s drank too much, his inhibitions slipping away without worry, and he gives in to the need tearing away at his stomach. He leans forward to bury his face in the crook of Changgu’s neck like second nature. His lips graze the skin there, and his mind briefly reminds he can't be doing this, because no matter how hard he hopes, Changgu’s not his soulmate, but he has to give the other something to mark him as his.
“Yanan…” he hears Changgu gasp against his ear. He’d normally get flustered by the intimacy, back off like the bumbling buffoon he is, but today isn't normally. Today is his rest day, the one and only time he’ll let himself feel for Changgu the way he’s been denying for so long. The day the alcohol makes him do things he’d never even think of doing, adrenaline spiking through his veins, giving him more courage than ever before.
He pushes his lips against where Changgu’s neck and shoulder meet, and a resulting pleased groan vibrates through Changgu’s chest as he presses closer. Yanan almost misses the way he threads a hand up into his hair, gripping at the strands to tug.
Fuck. He opens his mouth in a groan. Changgu’s pulling hand and rolling hips drag him deeper and deeper into a world he's never known; a world so wonderful and amazing, Yanan wants to live there with him for eternity.
Changgu's other hand slides down his back, stopping just above the waist of his pants to toy with the hem of his shirt. He’s gasping out Yanan’s name, their hips grinding harder against each other, easily finding the rhythm as the music shifts. Yanan nips at his neck, and runs his tongue over the spot, a small part of his mind getting off on the mere idea of Changgu being claimed by him and only him.
“Shit,” Changgu moans. He's leaning heavily against Yanan now, biting his lip seductively and tightening his fingers with every of roll.
It's not until Yanan moves his mouth to just below Changgu’s ear that he finally dips his hand lower, pushing his fingers past the band of Yanan’s boxers to grip at his ass.
Yanan didn't know he could feel this good, get this drunk off of not just alcohol, but Changgu as well. He can't take it anymore, can't take not knowing if Changgu is his soulmate or not. Can't take pining after someone who’d never love him.
It must be the alcohol acting, overtaking his mind and body with the crushing demand to make Changgu his. He barely registers kissing his way up Changgu’s throat and whispering, “let’s get out of here,” in his ear. He doesn't notice when they leave the club and get a taxi back to the dorms. He doesn't recognise when Hongseok opens the door for them with an annoyed grimace. He doesn't think to get his hands out of the back of Changgu’s pants as they stumble to their room. And he doesn't know when their sweaters come off, or when Changgu’s mouth suddenly finds his.
But he especially doesn't remember what happens next.
……………
Yanan is regret. Pure regret. He doesn't regret a lot of things, choosing to live by the “never look back” motto, but he regrets being born right now.
“You two really didn't do anything?”
“For the last time, Jinho-hyung, I don't remember.”
“Hmmm…..”
Jinho doesn't believe him. No one believes him, not even Hyunggu. It's been a goddamn week, it should've blown over by now.
“Something as important as fucking should be remembered,” Hyojung supplies unhelpfully.
Yanan groans and rolls over onto his stomach, a trail of sweat following him on the practice room floor. “Hyung~~~” he whines.
“They're just trying to break you, Yananie,” Hwitaek says from where he’s standing by the speakers. “Hold strong, don't let them wear you down. Fighting!” He holds up an intense fist.
Yanan tries to become one with the floor.
He hears the door open, and briefly wishes it's their manager coming to tell him a war finally broke out and he has to go back to China immediately, but no such luck. Maybe next time. Shinwon’s shoes come into view.
“You know, when I said figure shit out , I didn't mean fuck and avoid each other for a week .”
Dear lord, hath thee so little love for Yanan?
“Hyung, remember the part where I’m Yanan, and I can barely photosynthesise without doing something wrong?”
Hyojung snorts, and mutters, “what kind of drugs are you on? Photosynthesise… Learn Korean, damnit!”
Shinwon sighs and kneels down, lifting Yanan’s chin with a delicate finger to look him in the eyes. “You haven't done anything wrong , you just haven't done anything right. ”
Yanan pouts and rolls over again until his head almost smacks against a speaker. Hwitaek grins down at him. “Have you tried talking to him?” he asks, settling his phone on the table in front of him and stops toying with the music.
“Ye- well…. sort of…?” Yanan’s not really sure, honestly. He’d woken up the morning after, half naked and hating himself, before he immediately ran to the other dorm for some nice, maknae styled comfort. In other words, they watched anime until they couldn't remember their names.
But he and Changgu had at least addressed the situation. When Yanan had finally gone back to their room for a much needed clean pair of underwear -he hadn’t changed since before they’d gone to the club- Changgu had gotten right to the point.
“Do you remember anything?”
“Nope.”
“Me…. neither.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
And that was that.
But Hwitaek gives him a disappointed frown. “That’s not talking about it, Yananie-gah.”
Yanan whines and bangs his head against the floor. Maybe, if he injures himself badly enough, he’ll get to go home to China. He’s already pretty much eliminated anyway, it’s not like he'd miss out on anything.
The others move to sit in a semi-circle around his spread-eagled form.
“If you two really are soulmates, wouldn't you be feeling…. different by now?” Jinho asks, looking up at Hwitaek and Hyojung for confirmation. He himself doesn't have a soulmark, so he’s just going off the TV and romance novels cliche. Yanan wants to scream at him.
Hyojung shrugs, “it's different for everybody. Hwitaekie-hyung and I got some kind of… what did you call it?”
“Bond. Emotional bond.”
“Yeah, sure, that, after we consummated-”
“Hyung, please never say that word ever again,” Yanan nearly cries for having to understand the connotation.
“-our soulmate ship,” Hyojung finishes without faltering.
“So do you feel any closer to Changgu-yah than before?” Shinwon asks, and ties one of the tiny braids he made in Yanan’s hair with a hairband.
Yanan huffs and swats at his hands. “No,” he feels soft and wants to kiss Changgu until he dies, “and I don't even know for sure if we actually-”
“Consummated?” Hwitaek beams.
“- did anything , hyung,” Yanan rolls his eyes.
“You two did,” Hongseok enters to practice room with the most obscene Korean words Yanan has ever heard.
“Superfluous, Hongseok-hyung,” Yanan groans, and covers his beat red face with his hands.
Hongseok tilts his head at him, “have you been reading my dictionaries?”
Jinho giggles, and plops a light peck on Hongseok’s cheek when he sits down.
“You were in their dorm?” asks Hyojung with a suspicious squint. Yanan bites his tongue so he wouldn’t expose Jinho and Hongseok's ‘sleepovers’ and risk getting his ass kicked to the 38th parallel. Again.
“‘ Was I in their dorm? ’ Ha!” Hongseok scoffs and pats Yanan’s shoulder comfortingly. It feels more like physical assault. “I open the door at three in the morning to see Changgu’s hands so far down Yananie’s pants I thought he’d lose them, and Yanan impersonating a guppy fish on his neck.”
They all howl at Yanan’s plight. Yanan won't take this shit. He’s leaving and taking the first flight back to China.
“I didn't come here for this abuse, hyungs,” he says, and rolls over in an effort to mow Jinho and Hyojung down. They’re small enough. He can step on them if he tries hard enough. He gets stopped by one of Shinwon’s surprisingly strong hands.
“Yananie, sweetie, we’re not attacking you.”
“Lies.”
“We’re trying to help you,” Jinho says kindly, like his paternal powers actually have a soothing effect.
“Why?”
Hwitaek kneels down next to him and flicks his nose. “We’re going to debut as ten, I'll make sure of that, and I don't want bad blood between any of us when that happens.”
Wow, what a leaderly response. Yanan should feel grateful, but he doesn't. Although, he is mildly flattered Hwitaek cares so much.
“So basically, Yananie,” Hyojung gets his attention. “Figure shit out.”
“Just don't go drinking this time,” Shinwon pipes up.
Yanan sighs and looks around at his hyungs. They look so determined and genuine in their need to help him. He takes a deep breath and sits up, deciding once and for all, he is going to get to the bottom of this ‘soulmate-or-not’ bullshit.
…………...
Except, he doesn't get the chance. Once they debut and have a comeback, Yanan forgets about the whole soulmate thing as soon as the drunken one night stand crisis blows over. He's got more important things on his mind than whether the love of his life likes him back or not - like successfully hiding his spiced dumplings from Hongseok - and he's always too tired to dwell on it too much.
That is, until Jinho brings it up.
“Your birthmark….” he starts. They're sitting in a green room backstage, waiting to go perform their first showcase. “It’s interesting.”
Yanan nods, and idly fiddles with his mic pack.
“I like it,” Hyojung says. “It looks like a giraffe.”
Hwitaek slumps into his lap and wraps his arms around his neck. “What about mine?”
Hyojung smiles that smile, the one only soulmates have for each other. “I love yours.”
Hongseok groans and throws a pillow at them, yelling “get a room!” as Jinho covers his eyes.
Yanan laughs and stands up. “I lost my phone. Be right back,” he mutters as he walks off. He didn't actually lose his phone, it's in his back pocket and he’d been playing on it a few minutes ago, but he just needed to get away. Jinho’s question really shook him up, reminded him that yes, his birthmark does look vaguely like a giraffe and yes, he still doesn't know what the hell is going on with Changgu yet.
“Oh! Yananie, come here. Check this out!”
Think of the devil and he shall be summoned.
“What’s up, Changgu?”
Changgu smiles brightly and pats a spot next to him on the couch he's sitting on, he's holding his phone in the other hand. “One of the fans made a compilation of all the times we did something gay on Pentagon Maker. Guess how long it is.” It’s the first time they’ve said more than two things to each other off stage since the night he can’t remember.
This is weird.
Yanan sits down with a sigh, choosing to not look Changgu in the face, and takes a second to truly process what he just said. Who would take the time to edit that? Half the show was one big no homo. “Well, judging on how gay we actually are, I'm going to say roughly ten minutes?”
“It's fifteen. Watch.”
They barely get three minutes in before tears well up in Yanan’s eyes. There’s a definitive point before and after he realised he was in love with Changgu, and it's obvious in the way they treat each other; the touches are different; softer and lingering. It's the most obvious during the pepero game. Then again in the missions after their night together.
“That pepero game is one of my greatest achievements,” Changgu says quietly as the video plays.
Yanan can’t help it, he glances over to study Changgu’s profile. “R-really?” He whispers.
Changgu nods, and pauses the video before turning to face him. They're close, so so close. They haven't been this close since that night. “Yeah. I've never gotten it that small before, I was always too afraid of kissing the other person,” he shrugs with a light laugh.
Yanan’s breath catches in his throat at the chiming sound, and his eyes unintentionally flit down to Changgu’s lips. He could kiss him right now, feel his lips for real for the first time in a sober state. It's just the two of them, like it always seems to be when they're this close, and no one will care. “But you were comfortable with kissing me?”
He doesn't know why he's being so bold. It must be the debut, the lingering thrill of all ten of them making it despite everything. Or the pre-performance nerves. It's definitely not alcohol, that's for sure. But he likes to think he's observant. He generally notices small details no one else usually would, and he picks up on body language well enough to be able to somewhat predict people's actions.
However, never in a million years would he have thought Changgu’s own body language would get past him. Really, he should have known, though. He always reads too deeply into everything the short man does, so he’s likely to miss a few things, right?
“Of course…” Changgu breathes out. “You're my Yananie…”
Yanan doesn't notice the way Changgu leans in, first of all, and thinks for a second he isn’t going to kiss him. But here he is, he's closing his eyes and leaning in, he's going to do it. Changgu shifts to lean in too, and he can feel his breath fan across his face, it's going to happen. They're so close, they just need a little more and then-
“Pentagon on in ten!” A PD yells. That goddamn, cockblock PD.
Yanan’s eyelids flutter open, and Changgu’s looking at him with an indecipherable emotion in his gaze, still incredibly close. They have to go to the front of the room to start getting ready to perform, but Yanan doesn't think either of them want to move.
“I'm sorry,” Changgu whispers after a few seconds, so quietly Yanan almost doesn't catch it.
“For what?” He asks, confused.
“Everything.”
Changgu stands up and follows the others out of the room before Yanan can say any more, leaving him to wonder what the heck just happened.
…………….
“Changgu…”
“Yeah, Yananie?”
““Everything?””
Changgu drops the bowl he's carrying and his salad scatters across the floor. Yanan would normally get annoyed with the mess, but he doesn't care right now; he's exhausted from the showcase and hasn't been able to get that almost public kiss out of his mind.
“Sorry… I'll uh- I'll clean this up,” Changgu mumbles, and starts to turn around to get a towel and clean up the spilled salad, but Yanan stops him. He gets up and crosses the room to grab Changgu’s wrist before he can even think.
“Leave it,” he says. He turns Changgu to face him, “what do you mean by everything?”
“I-I….” Changgu looks down at where Yanan’s gripping his wrist with wide eyes. “I…. should really clean that salad up, Yananie…”
Yanan studies him for a few seconds. He has too many feelings right now, and is slowly losing the careful control he’s needed since the night he can't remember. “Changgu-yah….”
Changgu’s trying to extract his wrist from Yanan’s hand, but pauses at his tone. He looks up and meets his eyes, the silence drawing on as they stare at each other. He opens his mouth after a few seconds, “Yanan-ah, please… not right now.”
Yanan’s mildly taken aback by the breathiness of Changgu’s voice. He sounds almost… defeated. “Please tell me, Changgu. Why did you say sorry?”
Changgu doesn't answer, and continues looking up into Yanan’s eyes with the worst expression Yanan has ever seen on him. Worse than when he couldn't remember what happened between them.
“Yanan…” he whispers, a tear dropping onto his cheek. “Please, not now… don't do this now…”
Yanan’s tired, exhausted, fatigued, all of the above, and his heart hurts and he doesn't know what this is. Admittedly, he doesn't know a lot of things, but he needs the answer. He can't sleep at night without knowing, kept awake wondering all the ‘what if’s’ under the sun.
“You don't even remember,” Changgu whispers brokenly, shocking Yanan and drawing his attention to his eyes. They've already been over this, tried to figure out what happened between them that night, and Yanan had always assumed Changgu didn't remember either.
“What?”
Changgu takes a deep breath and meets Yanan’s eyes. “You're a real lightweight, Yananie.” He shifts his wrist in Yanan’s grasp so the inside of his arm faces upwards.
Yanan looks into his eyes, and bit by bit the pieces come together. He slowly lifts Changgu’s wrist up and grips the edge of the sleeve with his other hand. Without a word, he slides the fabric up to Changgu’s elbow.
“Fuck…” he breathes. His heart is beating fast and he kind of wants to pass out right now, because the skin on Changgu’s arm is milky white from lack of exposure, surprisingly toned, and oh so gloriously stamped with a dark birthmark resembling a giraffe.
“You saw everything that night…” Changgu whispers. “And you forgot everything…”
It's like Yanan’s brain explodes, and every little touch, every facial expression Changgu has ever made that Yanan hasn't understood makes sense. Memories of that night come flooding back, every moan, every touch, everything . Changgu saw Yanan’s that first day, and never said anything. Why didn't he say anything?
“You've been hiding it from me?”
Changgu nods, a fresh wave of tears falling from his eyes.
“Why?”
He shrugs sheepishly and looks down. “I wasn't sure how to breach the topic after it took three months for me to process what our matching marks meant...” he meets Yanan’s eyes again with a breathy laugh. “I'm a bit of a doof, if you haven't noticed.”
“That night,” Yanan says, tears brimming at his own eyes. “What about that night? I didn't know….”
Changgu shrugs again. “We were too drunk,” he says simply.
Yanan breathes out a chuckle at his own stupidity for partying too hard, and sniffles. He makes the mental decision to never drink ever again. His questions have been answered, his life popping perfectly into place beside Changgu’s. Everything’s perfect now.
He lets go of Changgu’s wrist and lightly cups his chin, looking down into his watery eyes like he’s always wanted to but always been too afraid of rejection. Calmly, deliberately, he closes his eyes and leans down. The first touch of their lips is soft and sends sparks flying down his spine. Changgu sighs happily, and pushes up into his lips for more contact, laughing into the kiss when Yanan wraps his other hand around his waist and lifts him up.
“Bro, I think you're my soulmate,” Yanan mutters against Changgu’s lips.
Changgu giggles, and deepens the kiss as Yanan settles them down on his bed.