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Finally! It is finally over. No more pretending to be happy or cheerful. It’ll soon be over. Every second moves me closer; closer to my end. I don’t care where I end up, though we all know it’ll be Hell, I am just happy to be done with it all. What was the point of living all these years if I was the one getting left alone? What was the point of caring all these years if I was the one watching them die? What was the point of sleeping all these years if I was going to awake to another nightmare? What was the point?
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From birth, I was seen as evil. The wanted to kill me, but they couldn’t so instead they sealed my powers away. If they hadn’t, I’m sure more people would’ve died for nothing. And if I did die, it wouldn’t be too bad. But instead, they did… All the people who tried to save my mother, and all those who tried to kill her. And worse, she died before living the life she deserved.
Even from birth, I was labelled as a murderous mixture of demon and human, although, the human long faded. I wasn’t Rin Okumura; I was simply Satan’s Spawn or the Demon. Too others, I was nothing but a danger. I was blamed for the blue night, for all those deaths and all else. I gave up trying to figure out if it was my fault because it didn’t matter anymore.
Yukio didn’t die, but he was living as if he was dead with my burden upon his weak self. I thought maybe he could try and understand, but even he hates me. and too be fair, how could anyone love something like me? Many people thought they did, but look at them now.
Try as I liked to explain it, I was seen as evil to them and nothing more. And as I grew older every day, the hated me even more. But to be fair, who wouldn’t? I shouldn’t have been born and then all those lives would be saved. It was my fault that Satan was on the hunt to begin with.
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As we grew up, it became clearer. Yukio and I are twins, but we are on opposite scales. He got the love, got the praise, got the brains, even got the last cookie and the only curse he ever got was me. I got nothing except this cursed life and there was nothing I could do.
I thought that he’d take pity on me as I was his only brother, but even he hates me. He was never there when the fights started, but when it ended, he’d yell at me for getting into another one. He was never there when I struggled in and out to read, but when it ended, he’d yell at me for being too dumb to understand or simply lazy. He was never there when I watched our old man die the slowest, most painful death, nor there when I risked everything to save him, nor there when I nearly died, but when it ended, he yelled at me and blamed me for dad’s death. I always got his blame.
Birthdays were the only thing we could enjoy together. For him, all the celebrations from Christmas, having his spotlight for a while and usually nothing to yell at me for. For me, as I grew older, it just became one year closer to be death. After a while, that wish when we blew out the candles was simply to die. And it hasn’t changed, probably never will.
Try as I liked to explain it, he wasn’t ever proud. And when I got these powers, he hated me even more. But the more I look at it, who wouldn’t? I shouldn’t have fought all the time, I probably am too dumb to read and to be fair, it was my fault that the demons came to get me in the first place; that’s why he died.
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I thought it would be easy to be a teenager since my life was already at a bottom, but it was harder because of love. I had none. Probably the only 2 people who had ever seen light, pure light, through my soul were dead so they couldn’t give me love. I thought that there were two others for a while, but they left too.
First, it was Sheimi. I swear she is an angel. I always liked her and admired her bravery even if she wasn’t the strongest. She would always help and we got along quite well since we were both outsiders. But obviously, a demon like me could never be with her. When she found out who I truly was, she was scared, yet acted brave to help me. But she still kept distance and it makes sense. How could someone as pure as her love a demon like me?
Then, it was Bon. At first, we would argue on and off about everything. I never even thought we’d get to the friend stage, but somehow, we did. I genuinely thought he cared for me like Shiro and even my mum did. He’d help me stay calm whenever I was struggling, which was less often with him. He’d shower me in compliments whenever I was feeling down, which was less often with him. But it was too good to last, I was probably just a burden to him. How could someone as stable as love a mess like me?
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I was never wanted or needed, just a waste. To humans, I was the spawn of Satan and therefore was an enemy that the housed – that made me a waste of space to them. Then, to demons, I grew up with too many human emotions and therefore I was a weak prince – that made me a waste of breath to them. And, like all waste, I was thrown out. I never became a treasure to anyone like the saying goes, just waste.
And, as I sat there, slowly rotting away, I began to realize how much waste I was. I couldn’t do anything right and the things I could do, they were nothing special. There was always someone higher, better, more useful than me. That’s why I was put here, to be nothing special or useful, just waste.
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Finally! It is finally over. No more pretending to be happy or cheerful. It’ll soon be over. Every second moves me closer; closer to my end. I don’t care where I end up, though we all know it’ll be Hell, I am just happy to be done with it all. I can forget all about how many times I was left alone. I can forget having to see them die in my place. If I go now, the nightmares will end and I’ll just be able to sleep, so I’ll celebrate. But it won’t work, I know that. My life is a curse. Celebrating is something I’ll never do. And another thing, is die…