Chapter Text
Gavin faced his closed, dark apartment door as Nines stood by his side, head tilted down curiously at him as he studied the detective-turned-android. Gavin didn’t seem uncomfortable or nervous, thankfully, and Nines didn’t even need to scan him to sense it. Gavin’s LED light was shining blue just as Nines’ was, and he smiled with warmth radiating through him as he simply stared at Gavin standing beside him.
“Are you certain you don’t want me going in there with you?” Nines shifted beside him, holding gently to his chest their new pet: Sibil. The feline purred happily while Nines pet her paws that were draped over his forearm as her green eyes studied Gavin mysteriously.
Gavin offered Nines a smile, and then one at the cat, “I’ll be fine,” he reached down and pet her ears gently, “just take care of our little friend.”
“I promised TZ I’d take care of her, now,” Gavin sighed as his fingers wove through the feline’s fur, and he pressed his nose against her little skull as he delighted internally over the fact that gone were the days he was allergic to these creatures. Perhaps now he could properly enjoy having an animal companion around, among other things he’d missed while growing up.
He had so many years to catch up on, and he had all the time in the world to do so...what a feeling of peace and tranquility at last...
Nines nodded, “We will, Kamski said we can keep her.”
At once, Sibil meowed, as if understanding somehow that they were talking about her.
“Damn right he did,” he played with her ears for a moment, and she closed her eyes and tilted her head forward into his hand, silently pleading and begging for more.
Gavin tapped her nose, “You watch her, Nines, she’s trouble!”
Snickering softly, Nines smiled down at their feet before nodding and looking deep into the green depths of Gavin’s eyes. “I’m sure.”
The taller android saw Gavin face his door again, and there was a slight hesitation in his posture as he swallowed thickly and ran a hand through his hair.
Nines nodded, “You got this.”
Gavin snorted, but it wasn’t in a rude way, “It’s good hearin’ you say that, Nines.”
Nines stepped back as he rested against a wall, clasping and holding one of his hands behind his back against the wall as he stood tall. “Go on,” he encouraged with a half-smile, “I’ll be waiting here until you are finished.”
Gavin looked at him for a long time before a warm smile etched its onto his features. “Thank you, Nines, for everything.”
Nines whispered at him from across the little hallway: “Don’t ever thank me, Gavin.” He gently held up Sibil’s right paw, making her perform a ‘wave’ gesture at Gavin while she yawned.
It was a silent pact that they were to care for one another from now on, and Gavin felt renewed joy and hope surging inside him as he fished out his key and unlocked the door.
Where his apartment had once offered him comfort, solace, refuge, and peace, it was now ‘empty’ as he was on the inside. Gavin walked throughout his apartment, looking at all his meager furnishings and belongings one-by-one, ready to pack the bare essentials before he left to start his new life.
None of the items in his apartment reminded him of himself any longer; they were all phantoms and ghosts that barely held a memory long since passed, now. Perhaps they represented a shell of what he once was, but Gavin felt that it was much better to walk ahead without looking into the past after today.
He stopped at his kitchen table, picking up a torn family photograph he’d always kept in a small squared frame there. He remembered the day he’d torn the photograph, ripping out his father’s face while a nineteen-year-old Gavin stood next to his mother dressed in military gear.
Even now, it was such an odd photograph that seemed to have been forced, if he recalled quickly. The longer he stared at the photograph, the more he found he really forgot what his father even looked like. Perhaps he’d looked a little like Gavin? Perhaps not. Either way, he placed the photograph in his jean pockets as he made his way over to his bedroom, ready to gather his clothes from his closet and dresser.
When he pushed open the bedroom door, he found someone was sitting on his bed, head tilted down as they faced him.
It was his mother.
She held her arms down in her lap almost limply and loosely as she gazed up at him slowly, though they didn’t make eye contact.
It was too late to hide his LED light, but he didn’t care as he stared at her.
“Hey.”
She didn’t even smile, “Hey.”
“What’re you doin’ in here?”
Not sparing a second longer, he walked over to his closet door, throwing it open as he gathered a small duffel bag from the upper shelf and began packing the clothes he really liked and needed while she stared in silence at his turned back.
The room suddenly went dark as the evening gave way slowly to night, but Gavin’s mother remained silent, even until he’d packed halfway through the bag.
She finally spoke when he was picking some shoes, “I hated your father.”
Her words froze him for a moment, his motions slowed down as he pushed out thoughts of his father yelling at him and his mother as they cowered in fear. That wasn’t his life anymore, and he had no business diving into those memories. They wouldn’t help him or do him any good, and he had to curiously ponder as to why she had showed up and randomly announced this to him. Why should he care? What could he do for her? What was he supposed to even say?
He pushed the shoes into the bottom of the bag, “I did too,” he coughed and cleared his throat, “glad we have somethin’ in common after all, mom.”
She clutched the edge of the bed and mattress in anger and fury as her shoulders caved in a little, making her resemble a wildcat targeting its prey before it leapt up and attacked. “He took away everything in my entire life.”
Gavin shrugged, back still turned to her as he continued packing, “You actually did a good job of pushing everyone else out of your life, too,” he finally glared up at her, his LED light fully visible, “don’t fuckin’ give dad all the fuckin’ credit.”
She slowly rose from the bed, taking one step-at-a-time as her hands shook. She touched the LED light for half a second, eyes wide and brimming with tears as she yanked her hand back as if Gavin had burned her.
Her hand slumped down to her side as she studied him carefully, piece-by-piece. “Gavin, what’s happened to you?”
He didn’t know where to even start. He simply grabbed the bag and threw it on the bed by her side as he walked over to his dresser and yanked a few drawers open. How dare she suddenly act like she was worried and cared for him! Now was not the time nor the place for it! She had her entire life to fix things and make them all right, but she had never made one attempt to do that. And yet now she was hoping to move him with her words and emotions?
No.
Never.
He voiced this as he ground out angrily, “You never cared enough to ask before, so don’t you start actin’ the role of the concerned mother now.”
“I’m always concerned about you, Gavin!” her irate voice hit his ears, but he made sure he didn’t let the words affect him. He didn’t know how much he could control himself, not when she’d dropped in unexpectedly like this and expected god-knows-what from him. It was impossible for him to do, even if he was more ‘advanced’ now.
His mother approached him carefully, as if fearful he would hit her, too. She just leaned to the side as she stared at his LED light and eyes.
“Is this some kind of new fad you’ve built for yourself?!”
Gavin didn’t pause as he packed faster, “What’re you talkin’ about?”
“Did he get you to do this to yourself?” She gestured wildly up and down everywhere at him with her hands shaking as she shook her head at him. Gavin knew she was passing judgement on him and possibly his new ‘lifestyle’ choice, but he didn’t care or let it bother him as it once had, long ago…
He knew she was referring to Nines, and he stopped, giving her a nasty, heated glare. She recoiled from it.
“Your eyes…”
“Contacts? Right?” He rolled his eyes as he shook his head. “Then again, why would I be surprised? You’ve never cared enough to notice.”
He slammed the drawer shut an grabbed a few more items for the sake of memorabilia, heading out the bedroom as she was hot on his heels.
His mother grabbed his arms roughly, “Oh no you don’t, Gavin!” she spun around when she couldn’t pull him back, and she now stood between him and the door. Gavin glanced at the kitchen, noticing his favourite lighter and ashtray still abandoned on the surface of the countertop. It wasn’t like he needed those items, but they had a lot of memories attached to them that were still with him as an android, and he didn’t want to let those go. Yes, he was indeed starting a new life, but he wanted to remember and keep alive the human 'Gavin Reed' as often as he could.
He swiped them off the counter as he tugged out a black garbage bag beneath the kitchen sink. He sensed all the food in his fridge probably had gone rotten or expired, but there was nothing he could do; he wouldn’t need food anymore, and that didn’t bother him.
Gavin turned back to see his mother crossing her arms at him as a perplexed expression crossed her features. He stared at her then. Even in her older age, she still had well-defined muscles running throughout her arms, and her veins in her arms were prominent. She probably weighed not even 130 pounds, and she stood tall as she tried intimidating Gavin in the ways she often would when he was younger and more innocent…
But those days were indeed over.
He gently stepped around her, “Mom, please move.”
She frowned, “Gavin! I’m your mother!” she stepped back once she saw him gather the bag and the rest of his items in his arms, and he held them against his chest as if they were his safety net.
“Where are you going to go? Hmm?”
Gavin knew she was trying to goad him into a fight, and he tried forcing a small smile as he stared down at the dusty floor of his apartment. “I’m leaving, mom…”
She scoffed, “Just like your father.”
That stung deeply, though he knew she’d meant for it to. The moment she’d said it, she gasped as she held her hands against her mouth as if trying to sweep the words back in. It was too late, though, and she stared down at Gavin with tears forming in her eyes.
“Gavin, I didn’t mean it…” she choked on the last word and Gavin felt his eyes stinging and burning with tears of his own as he held out a hand and gently pressed it on her shoulder.
He leaned in close as he felt her sobs begin. “Mom,” he could barely look at her, but he knew he had to. “…Please don’t come looking for me after I leave, I’ll try to write you, but I won’t make any promises I can’t keep…”
She shook her head as she slowly fell to her feet. Reality was finally hitting her hard, and Gavin bent down as he cradled her against his chest with one hand draped over her shoulder and back. He soothingly tried to ease her tension and tears, but she was in no state to want it, herself.
Gavin sighed as he pulled out of the embrace and looked at her carefully, “Mom, I have to go soon, but I want to tell you a few things before we’re done…”
She sobbed harder, but nodded as she wiped her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. She looked like a mess, but Gavin found it heartbreaking more than liberating. To think, this was the woman who brought him into the world…
What had she turned into?
“I wanted to let you know that I hate that you never stood up to dad,” he started as his own tears fell, “you let the bastard abuse me, ridicule me, mock me, and make me feel worthless. You even let him do the same things to you, and you never made an attempt to leave him or tell him to get help.”
She knew he wasn’t wrong, and she nodded as she shook and trembled violently against him. Though Gavin wanted to hold her longer and tell her it was going to be ‘okay’, he knew he couldn’t promise her something he wasn’t certain of himself. That would be violating her trust, which had been done to him all his life by his own father.
He was not his father.
“Shh, mom, listen,” he smiled at her even through heavy, hot tears, “even though you stood by and watched as he pushed your own son down in the dirt, you never left him or told anyone about what he put us through, and I hate that you did that to me…to us…” he nearly broke apart, but he had to hold himself together.
Just for a little while longer...
He sighed, knowing the most difficult part was to come. He looked up at the ceiling and caught the bright sunshine floating in through the windows. He joyfully grinned when he saw a bird fly past the window.
Gavin looked down at his mother with a sad smile, “Even though you broke me every day, I know for a fact that what I hate the most is that I still love you.”
It was a truthful statement Gavin never found he’d be able to utter, but he had, nevertheless. He cursed some kind of evil bond he’d been doomed and fated to have interminably the moment he’d been conceived. His human DNA would always bring him back to this moment of sheer loyalty and mild dependency on his mother simply due to the fact that she was his mother.
Perhaps it was an odd bond that relied on the psychological or biological side of him he would never be able to break away from, he had no idea. Perhaps this attachment and sense of loyalty came from the womb…either way, he knew he would always continue to make excuses for her and ignore the horrible things she did to him simply because she was his mother. He wasn’t sure if he felt he owed it to her anymore, but whatever he felt was real, and there was nothing else he could do but accept it.
It came along with being a child and a member of a ‘family’, no matter how fucked up and messed up his family was. The biological attachment would leave a mark forever on him, but it would hopefully lessen and die away in time as long as he didn’t ever see her again…
They had only tears between each other as communication enough for what they felt. He really wished he could help her, rekindle their beyond-shattered relationship. She had tried to, herself, but it was far too late. The only thing he could offer her was forgiveness, and now that he had a new life, perhaps he would be able to grant her that.
Maybe in time...
Gavin wanted to gently help her to her feet, but she held up a hand and pushed him away.
Fine. He wasn’t one to force, so he simply gathered his key, and the rest of his items as he collected himself and straightened himself out before he headed out to start his new life with Nines.
His mother stretched out a hand as she gathered her legs beneath her while rocking on the floor. “Gavin…” she looked up at him with pleading eyes, “please don’t…”
It was such a sorry, pathetic state she was in; she looked beyond helpless, almost like an infant. He had once looked like this, too, so many years ago. But when he needed her the most, she’d never been there…
No one had.
He didn’t want to pity her to the point where she could abuse him again. Gavin hated himself for thinking in such a paranoid, awful way about his own mother, but in turn, she’d been partially responsible for birthing these feelings of distrust within him.
“You wouldn’t know how to handle me right now,” he sighed the true statement painfully out, “after all, you couldn’t handle me when I needed you most.”
She nodded, knowing she was defeated, and that he had a point. There was no sense in arguing about who was right, who was wrong, who caused the most damage, and who had their heart broken the longest.
It was time to turn over a new leaf, and for once in his life, Gavin Reed was really looking forward to change. He’d feared it before, but now, he was willing to walk through the doors leading to it with pride and excitement.
Gavin’s mother regarded him with two teary-pink eyes, the veins bloodshot as she sniffled at him while wiping her cheeks with her hands slowly, “Could I ever have understood you?”
It was a question they both knew the answer to. It didn’t even need to be asked or spoken.
He looked down at her as he exhaled a sad, long sigh, “No.”
His brutal honesty made her whimper, but she nodded, as if agreeing with his answer. It was settled, finally. After all, it was almost a fact, and no further words needed to be exchanged between them anymore. In instances like this, silence was always better than uttering promises that would never be kept or expectations that couldn’t ever be met. No one was going to be hurt anymore, this way.
He didn’t turn back, knowing looking at her right now it would only shatter him to pieces. As much as he hated being half-human, he also loved knowing he could feel something. In dark times, this was going to be his light, just as much as Nines was...
He turned the doorknob slowly as he stopped and faced Nines on the other side of the door. He had still been patiently waiting with their new cat still in his arms. She seemed peaceful and pleased as she rubbed her head against the tall android’s chest. Nines offered him a small smile which Gavin happily returned as he looked down at the threshold of the doorway that would soon be passed over, and therefore be the starting point of his new journey and life.
There was a lot of uncertainty that would come with it, but Gavin expected it. Perhaps uncertainty had frightened him off from trying many new things in his life before in the past, but those days were long since gone. He figured he deserved it, now, and he owed it to himself to have a fresh start at the life he should’ve been dealt, but never was given the first time around.
Second chances hardly came by, and he was going to cling onto this while he could with every bit of strength and resolve he had.
Green eyes still on Nines, their smiles grew wider as they looked at each other with renewed hope and love.
Gavin took a breath and finally stepped out in the hall as the door closed softly behind him.
END