Chapter Text
It was evident there was something Rex Lapis wanted to tell him, but for whatever reason, couldn't bring himself to. Couldn't convince himself to actually speak up, to actually broach the subject.
Ajax didn't know why. He also wasn't sure he wanted to know, like, at all.
He didn't ask. Didn't point it out. Out of respect for the god, yes, but really more because he didn't have the mental capacity to.
"Rex Lapis," Childe murmured instead, distracted, once they'd finished the food.
There was an answering hum beside him, the both of them still on the silks and quilts atop the sculpture, empty takeout containers set aside on one of the stone thumbs.
"Mister Zhongli," Childe continued.
"Yes?" Rex Lapis sounded slightly confused now.
"And it's rude to call you Morax," he tried to ask, but failed to get the correct intonation out.
"My people have made it so, yes," the god answered anyway.
"Is there one name you prefer over the others?" he asked properly this time, forcing himself spare the god a glance.
He couldn't quite shake the feeling he'd gotten earlier, that 'Rex Lapis' wasn't quite what the god...
...Then again, he'd said it was a good thing, being able to be both Rex Lapis and Mister Zhongli interchangeably. So maybe that was a stupid question.
(Maybe he just didn't want to have to think about-)
"Do you prefer Childe over Tartaglia?" Rex Lapis asked instead of answering him. Ajax blinked. He hadn't expected-
(Did he? Prefer Childe over Tartaglia?
Did he prefer the mask over the knife?)
"...Is that all those three are, then? Titles?" Childe, in turn, answered with a question as well, trying to dodge actually-
"'Zhongli' is not," Rex Lapis hummed, unbothered. Ajax didn't relax, didn't feel his stomach burn. "But the truth of the matter is that none of those three are..."
He trailed off.
Ajax turned his face to look at the god better, finding his eyes had gone distant again. He should be used to the sight, and yet...
"...I suppose 'my original name', though that does not belong to me anymore, so it could hardly be called mine," the god murmured, pensive. Ajax blinked. What? "Then again, I never did select a new name for myself, so saying they are not my 'real name' would imply I have one, so that would not be correct, either."
"...You don't have a name?" Childe tried to keep up, bewildered.
"Not in the traditional sense," Rex Lapis nodded, entirely at ease. Ajax had to assume this was a god thing. Amber eyes went to him. "Were you seeking to learn it?"
When I have not told you mine? Ajax, of course, didn't say. "I just- realized I didn't know if you had a preference for one or the other, so I figured I might as well ask."
Rex Lapis shook his head no. "I have no preference. You may refer to me however you please."
Ajax had a really stupid joke on the tip of his tongue at that permission, but decided against it. This was Rex Lapis. He had to remember his damn place, friends or not.
"What about you?" Rex Lapis tilted his head slightly, distracting.
Right. He never did answer that.
Ajax, he didn't say, even though he felt it in his throat, felt it on the roof of his mouth, felt it on the breath with which he said, "Tartaglia is a title," he explained. "It's strange to hear it outside work, so Childe is fine."
(But was it?
Then again, it wasn't as though he had anything else, now did he? Even if now, Childe, too...)
Ajax spent the next two days doing essentially nothing. He didn't go back to his usual routine: couldn't bring himself to. His thoughts were too scrambled, his lungs too closed-off, his monster too on-edge. He walked around the harbor and ate breakfast in the market stalls, but it was clear to everyone around him that he was only partially there.
Xiangling started giving him worried looks again. Tried to jovially ask him if he wasn't working too hard to make up for the couple days of paperwork he must've lost, but her smile was strained and her hands clutched her tray too tightly, and Ajax knew she just wanted to ask if he was okay.
If something bad was going to happen again.
He couldn't focus on anything, but he also couldn't sit still. It felt like the world was closing in around him and yet simultaneously opening up like a vast ocean, unending, all-consuming.
The thing is, Ajax had never been in this situation before.
When he was young, he'd been in school. Learning how to handle a boat and how to fish from his father, and how to do household chores from his mother. Trying to get himself included in the games of his older siblings.
Then playing with Tonia.
There had been nothing too complicated to think about, back then. There were no big choices for him to make, no paths for him to choose – all he had to worry about was finishing his homework and being back home before dinner.
Then one day he hadn't been, and then things had changed. But this, this aspect of having a road laid out for him, of having a basic objective to follow; that had remained the same.
It wasn't doing homework anymore, but rather, surviving. Getting stronger to survive. And finding a way back home, back to his family, back topside.
And then he had. And he'd thought things would go back to normal, had thought he could go back to worrying about homework only, had thought-
He'd ended up in the Fatui. It hadn't been his plan. It hadn't been his choice. Not really.
(But what could he have said?)
But he'd ended up there, and once inside, all he had to do was follow orders. Graduate out of conscript. Train to pass tests. Graduate out of trainee. Be a good cadet. Train for the day they'd knight him.
And once they did, and then immediately turned him into a Harbinger, train to continue growing stronger. To partake in Her Majesty's plan, to remain her loyal blade. Carry out his missions.
Carry out Her mission.
Do this. Obtain that. Quell a monster uprising here, take down a bandit gang there.
Go steal a Gnosis.
Never before had Ajax found himself in a situation where he'd had to actually think of what he wanted to do.
Which was- kind of pathetic, and he tried not to think too much about it, but-
It was the truth, wasn't it?
He was lost.
Once, he could somewhat recall, he'd entertained the idea of being a pirate. Like in the stories. Of sailing the seas and fighting mighty beasts and hauling large treasure back home.
Then he'd thought he wouldn't mind being a fisherman like his father. Sailing the seas with a crew of well-loved comrades and friends and hauling large catches back home for the village.
When he'd bent the knee to Her Majesty the Tsaritsa, forever may she reign, he'd been convinced this was it. It might not be sailing the seas, but he would be fighting mighty beasts. He'd get paid handsomely enough to provide anything his little siblings could ever want. He'd get to use his newfound powers and his newfound monster to ensure nothing would ever happen to them, that nothing as unfair as his fall would ever strike anyone else,
He'd fight by Her Majesty's side and protect Snezhnaya.
He'd been content with that idea. Thrilled, even. Part of him still wanted that.
...
But he'd left. He'd fled. Because the part of him that was miasma in his bone marrow was- terrified, at the idea of being caged. Of people conspiring around him, of being out of the loop, of being sidelined, of being-
He had to get strong to survive. He could not do so in a cage, could not do so if he didn't know what was going on, could not do so without an ally like Master to take night watch and ensure he could sleep in peace.
He couldn't sleep in peace.
His monster wouldn't let him.
Ajax didn't know what to do with himself.
And because he was an idiot, because he could still smell the damp air and sawdust and the still water and concrete, because his monster would only let him rest in one place,
He ended up going to visit Rex Lapis both on Wednesday and Thursday as well.
Wednesday saw him there once more at around midday, with a takeout bag in hand as a sort of pseudo-peace offering, for going to bother the poor god two days in a row.
Rex Lapis said it was unnecessary. Ajax insisted.
(The god was in the Mister Zhongli vessel again, though with the usual godly robes. Ajax tried not to think about how he kind of missed the horns and the tail.)
He hadn't gotten much if any sleep the night prior, and it must've showed, for Rex Lapis insisted he rest on the silks and quilts that yet remained on the sculpture.
"I didn't come here to take a nap," Childe grumbled even as he, against his better judgment, clambered atop the stone fingers. It was the first time he was actually doing so himself, and he tried to hold down his shame about both the entire situation and the reminder of the previous two times he'd- ...slumbered, up there.
"You enter a god's temple, you submit yourself a little to the god's caprices," Rex Lapis simply said, not an ounce of remorse in his posture as he sat back and watched him struggle.
Ajax gave him his best stinker eye as he hauled himself to sit on the sheets and kicked his shoes off unceremoniously, looking around the space up there to figure out how much of it he was realistically willing to use up. There wasn't much of it available, the sculpture was not that big. Still, there should be enough...
A hand on his shoulder gently but insistently pushed him down, and Ajax let himself be guided – though he went with a frown and another stink eye (most certainly not a pout).
"Rest," Rex Lapis said, definitive, from Ajax' left. Ajax had to crane his neck a little to continue frowning at him properly, what with his covered eye on that side. "I'll awaken you in a couple of hours."
"Twenty minutes is enough for a power nap," he tried to complain, pushing himself up on his elbows slightly to adjust his place and try to put up one final fight, but-
"And a 'power nap' will not cut it," Rex Lapis tutted, retrieving the hand on his shoulder to place his fingertips on his sternum, pushing him down with a bit more insistence. Ajax went with a startle, blinking up at the god leaning only slightly over him, silky-brown hair framing- "I will awaken you once I have deemed you rested enough."
He pushed out a scoff to attempt not to choke, holding down heat traveling to his face like one holds down a bleeding wound. The hand retreated, and he shifted to try and get comfortable, throwing one arm over his face and the other over his chest.
"I'm not gonna be able to sleep for more than half an hour, here," he pointed out, but it was a weak riposte.
"You have before," Rex Lapis merely hummed, and Ajax grit his teeth. Right. But that wasn't- "You will again. I will watch over you as you slumber – now rest."
Ajax held down his lungs.
"Don't complain if I snore," he grumbled.
His only answer was an unimpressed 'mm-hm.'
Childe did not snore. Had not snored those two previous times he'd slumbered in the temple, and the trend remained true.
He was silent. His breathing was even yet almost measured, as though he was not actually fully asleep – even though he could tell he was.
He was quiet. Nigh-undetectable.
He fell asleep on that casual, stretched position; but he didn't stay still. As soon as he'd actually fallen asleep, he tossed and turned until his back had met the edges of the sculpture on that side, whereupon he curled up into a small ball. Only then did he settle.
He remained there, immobile, the only sign of life beyond the quiet breathing almost too faint to hear being the slow rise and fall of his sides beneath his hands where they were wrapped around his middle.
This had not happened the first time, as he'd been unconscious; but this had happened the day prior.
He'd had to coax him to relax, lay his head on his lap, let the gentle thrum of the earth through him lull him out of...
He forced himself to remain still.
Childe had chosen his sleeping spot this time, so it would not do to move him from it, no matter how much he wished to.
(He was asleep, but he did not seem to be resting at all.)
Ajax woke up of his own accord, blinking his eyes open to immediately screw shut the new one beneath the eyepatch, groggily craning his neck from where he lay to look around him.
Rex Lapis sat in his same previous spot, eyes on the wall turning to him at the sound of movement.
There was a vague surprise in those eyes at the sight of him awake, and it gave way to something between sadness and disappointment before something Ajax couldn't quite decipher covered all of it up.
Indeed, he'd only been asleep for half an hour. Any ridiculous pride he might've felt about having been right about that was dashed and held down to the shame of actually feeling quite better, after that nap. Though his dreams had been as unhelpful as usual, the fact he'd actually gotten to dream meant he'd fallen deep enough into slumber to have those, which was not something he'd been able to do for the past week.
His monster hadn't let him.
Either way, he was hungry by that point, so they once again reheated the takeout between the two of them and ate atop the sculpture.
"Why idolatry?" Rex Lapis asked after they'd finished their meal, holding cups of tea in their hands. Ajax nearly choked where he'd been trying to take a sip.
"...Why are you asking?" he managed out, trying to clear his throat off the slight burn.
"You mentioned, yesterday," Rex Lapis hummed, eyes on the golden wall, pensive. "I have no choice but to assume it is because of me, and yet still..."
"Have I not been essentially offering you things this entire time?" Childe frowned, confused. Even if that was not considered so, he'd still-
"I had been under the impression you did not mean them as such," amber eyes finally went to him, puzzled. Right. They hadn't been, in theory, but-
"I still offered them," he insisted.
"That means very little unless the actual intentions of worship are behind the actions," Rex Lapis shook his head no.
Ajax forced his eye to his cup, trying to come up with another excuse.
He couldn't just- could he? This wasn't-
...But the god already knew Ajax was- contaminated, with the Abyss. He already knew...
"Childe?" Rex Lapis urged, quiet, gentle. The tone made something squeeze his lungs. Fuck- that voice was not fair.
He breathed in.
"You know I have- a connection, to the Abyss," he forced out, almost through gritted teeth, eye set resolutely on his reflection on the tea.
"I can tell you have Abyssal powers, yes," Rex Lapis simply said, like that was not always either an insult or an accusation.
"I- It has given me- instincts, too." Like a- "Like a beast," he admitted.
Rex Lapis said nothing.
"This beast bows down only to highly powerful individuals," he continued. "And it recognizes you as one of them, so it- I..."
He forced his eye to the god. Rex Lapis regarded him with attention, between intrigued, surprised, and-
"You're the only one in Teyvat it has ever chosen to bow down to," Childe managed out, holding down his shame. "Her Majesty was never spared such respect, no matter how much I tried to get it to-"
He didn't continue with that. He swallowed, eye fleeing back to the tea.
"It doesn't consider Her a being to follow," he whispered, holding the cup tight.
(But why?
Why?
Had his instincts listened to him, obeyed him; would Her Majesty not have noticed?
Would she not have realized he was, indeed, truly loyal to her? Would he have trusted him?
If he'd stood by her side the way she'd intended him to, would she had ever entertained the idea of caging him-?)
"But it does you," he murmured. "It- compels me to..."
"...Compels," Rex Lapis repeated, quiet.
Ah-
"Well- I wouldn't burden anyone with having an Abyssal beast look at them for guidance if I could help it," he chuckled, forced.
"Would your Tsaritsa not like that? To have a so-called beast at her disposal," Rex Lapis hummed, voice still quiet, but-
"Not from the Abyss," Childe managed out. "I'm- an exception, because I can- control the beast, so to speak."
"Why would one want an Abyssal beast controlled?" Rex Lapis wondered, like- genuinely wondered, and Ajax had to turn his eye to him to see what- "Is the beauty of those creatures not the scale of their powers?"
...Beauty? Of the Abyssal beasts?
"...The Abyss is Her Majesty's enemy," Ajax breathed out, not really sure-
Rex Lapis seemed to sigh inwardly, eyes softening with pity where they stared into the distance. "I suppose it is. I suppose, deep down, she is still a scared young lady."
What...?
"But she is not weak by any stretch of the word," the god continued, pondering. "And you've made the conscious decision to give her your loyalty. Why would it be, then...?"
"I don't know," Ajax forced his eye back to his tea yet again. He took a sip. "I don't think it's a- something about her in specific. Plenty of the other Harbingers are strong as well, and a couple of them I admire enough that you'd think..." he trailed off. Capitano, for one. Arlecchino, though begrudgingly. "After-" my Master, he didn't say. "I, uh- I thought it was more that it bowed down to nobody in Teyvat, full stop. Until-"
"Me," Rex Lapis completed, and Ajax nodded. "But why would it...?"
The god trailed off. Ajax chanced another glance at him, only to find amber eyes were staring at him in deep focus.
Neither said anything. Ajax tried not to shrink in his spot, under those eyes, his grip of the cup far stronger than it really needed to be. Rex Lapis, by contrast, seemed entirely at ease, if lost in thoughts.
After a moment, Rex Lapis reached out slowly, taking the corner of his eyepatch and lifting it to expose his closed left eye, his hand gently taking hold of his face as he did so. All Ajax could do was stay still, try to keep his breathing normal, and stare at amber eyes as the other hand reached for his normal eye and-
"Use the one I gave you to look at me," the god instructed, knuckles brushing his eyelid closed with a feather-light touch, ghosting over his eyelashes.
Ajax didn't really know what was happening, but he did as he was told, and opened his scarred eye while keeping the other one closed under that barely-there touch.
The world greeted him again in those muted sepia tones, most of everything around them tinted ocher from the stone and the Geo affinity, the quilts and silks dulled only to the faintest Dendro green,
And once again, Rex Lapis' eyes shone like they were backlit by the sun itself. The miasma in his bones stirred, much like the first time he'd- witnessed, such a sight, like-
Yes, like delight- But Ajax didn't understand how that made any sense, his monster had never- never-
"Interesting," the god's murmur snapped him back to the present, expression undecipherable.
The hands on his face retreated, his eyepatch returning to its spot over the scar. Ajax bit down the stupid dejected sensation of missing that warmth, and shifted sights to the one he was used to.
His monster eased back to neutral. He was baffled.
"I do apologize if this has caused you any problems," Rex Lapis hummed, taking a sip of his cup.
"You're saying it like it's your fault," Ajax frowned. He wasn't sure if this in specifically had caused him any issues, but- "I should be the one apologizing, anyway."
"Now, why would you do that?" the god tilted his head to the side, but kept those eyes on him. Ajax had to wonder if he was aware he was killing him. This was so unfair.
"I think most people would rather not have a beast of the Abyss grovelling at their feet," he pointed out anyway, feeling like a dented canister.
"But that is not what I have, now is it?" the god quirked a brow, indeed out to kill him. "You have yet to really 'grovel at my feet' – not that I would ask that of you."
Ajax tried not to wince. Had he not come here the day prior to do exactly that? Beg for forgiveness and grovel? Sure, the god had stopped him, and Ajax hadn't really managed to get much out while he'd been attempting to, but-
"And even if you were to do so," Rex Lapis continued, snapping him from his shame and embarrassment. "Why would I not want a beast of the Abyss deeming me worthy enough to follow? The Abyss is not something that bows down to others." Ajax blinked, a bit surprised that he knew that. "And you are no ordinary beast of the Abyss, now are you? No, you are perhaps the only human I have ever encountered to have survived the imposition of an Abyssal transmutation – and not only survived it, but learned to thrive with it. Quite frankly, there should be nobody in this world you ought to bow down to."
Ah- What?
"Yet still, the Abyss within you considers me worthy enough to follow..." Rex Lapis murmured, as though fascinated. "I cannot think of a higher honor. Childe, were I capable and were you willing, I would bestow all the appropriate boons upon you that such fealty would merit."
"T-That's-" Ajax croaked out, trying to say something smart. "I- I can't... accept..."
"I am aware," the god spared him from making a fool of himself, voice- drier, amber eyes going to the wall, distant. "You have a pact with your Tsaritsa, one I would not dare break without your permission."
Right. That was right. He-
He had a pact with Her Majesty, forever may she-
(Should he not be going back?
Should he not be honoring his promise?
What was he doing?!)
Thursday saw him back in the temple, against his better judgment, against his mounting headache, against the feeling of being pulled in all directions at once.
(He didn't want to go back to Her Majesty.
How dare he. Had he not promised?
Selfish. Selfish!)
"Do you know why the sun turns red during sunset?"
Ajax forced his brain to actually focus on Rex Lapis' words. The god was absolutely trying to kill him now, having bullied him into sleeping once more upon seeing him dead on his feet when he stepped through the temple. But he'd insisted Ajax had not actually gotten to really rest last time, and since *this* had worked before (on Tuesday, Ajax could only assume), that they should try again.
Hence, Ajax' head on the god's lap, laying on the silks and quilts of the statue, the Mister Zhongli vessel clad once more in the fine godly robes.
The thing was, and this Ajax didn't quite know how to tell him, that he was fairly sure he was not going to be able to fall asleep at all in that position. The side of his face pressed to the robes beneath him felt like it was on fire, and his heart had not eased from a fighting rhythm since he was manhandled down.
But Ajax was stupid, and Rex Lapis was insistent, so there he lay.
"I don't," he managed out, fighting through his throat to keep a normal tone of voice. What was his life.
(His lap! Again!)
Rex Lapis hummed, perfectly at ease with the situation, the rumble of the action ricocheting through Ajax' bones. It was evident the god knew Ajax wasn't actually succeeding in falling asleep, so he had taken to just- talking to him. Even worse, he'd placed a hand on his shoulder and had simply left it there, like that would help.
Ajax was really, really going to die today.
(Because it was actually helping, somehow. The talking, not the hand.)
"Blue light does not travel as far as red light does," Rex Lapis provided. "If you observe a sphere, the closest point to your eyes is the 'face' towards you, while the 'edges' remain farther. The farther it has to travel, the more blue light scatters, the more only red and orange hues reach the surface at those odd angles."
Ajax had the distant feeling that he'd learned this in school, but he couldn't recall. It was a struggle to keep his thoughts in order, at the moment. "Is that why it gets easier to look at, at sunset? The sun," he murmured, tired. His lungs were still being squeezed into a warm ache, but the god's voice was steadily lulling him into a trance. "Because it's 'farther'?"
"In a sense, yes," Rex Lapis hummed. "The blue and violet lights that scatter are more harmful for humans, while the red and orange lights are gentler, and so holding its gaze during those hours is far easier."
...Its gaze?
"There is an old legend," the god continued, the shifting of his sleeve telling him he was swirling his tea on the hand not on his shoulder. "Back when the moons three roamed the skies and the people worshiped them instead of the land gods they turn to nowadays, it was customary to thank the sun at sunset as it departed, for watching over them while the sisters could not." Ajax had vague memories of hearing about the moon sisters during a couple of missions in Nod Krai, but not- "It is said it was the only hour of the day where one could hope to receive boons from the sun, as it was the only hour the sun would dare point its gaze directly upon the mortals for fear of otherwise harming them during the rest of the day."
"...I didn't know that was- a thing," Ajax managed out, caught off-guard. "The- boons from the sun."
"They were rare," Rex Lapis provided. "Unlike the moon sisters and their envoys, the sun was unresponsive at that time. There was only one angel to represent it, and she was not known to be a direct envoy from the Solar Palace."
"How can the sun be- unresponsive?" he whispered, feeling like he shouldn't be asking this, but-
"The same way the moons are, now," Rex Lapis stated, like that wasn't- But didn't people still worship the moons, in Nod Krai? How would they do that if they were-? "There was nobody there to answer prayers."
...Why do you know all of this? Ajax didn't ask. Didn't feel like he should.
"Though I suppose that is not entirely accurate," Rex Lapis seemed to correct. "The moons are dead. The sun is not. It predates Teyvat's creation, and so it cannot be killed the same way the moons three were."
"...But it's unresponsive?" Ajax repeated, confused.
"The same way the moons three had the moon sisters as their embodiment in the Lunar Palace, there was once an embodiment of the sun in the Solar Palace," Rex Lapis said, his tone a soothing echo in his bones. "But this embodiment of the sun perished with the fall of the Solar Chariot. It was a tragic accident."
Ajax wasn't sure he understood how the embodiment of the stellar body could die and yet the stellar body itself could not, but he figured it was probably too complicated for his partially-fried brain.
Rex Lapis' idea of talking him into exhaustion was working. That voice was not fair at all.
"If the moons are dead, how come there's still people that worship them in Nod Krai?" he managed out, feeling like he was drifting off. Absurd. This was ridiculous. This couldn't- he couldn't-
This was not meant for someone like him.
"From what I understand they still have... what are they called..." he added in a barely-there mumble, struggling. "Moon-singers...? No. Something like that. I thought they still, like... felt the energy of the moons. But if they're dead..."
"Traditions are hard to change," Rex Lapis murmured, low, sending a warm shiver down Ajax' spine. Might as well kill him, by that point. His eyes were growing heavy, even with one already closed. "And, strictly speaking, the sisters are not dead. They have been imprisoned in the Lunar Palace. Since the moons three themselves are dead, however, the sisters have no means to communicate with their followers. Still," a hum. Ajax closed his other eye, giving up. "The situation is complex and escapes my current understanding. I have not had contact with Nod Krai for eight years," Right, a part of Ajax' mind thought, foggy. Because you- left the mortal realm, or whatever. "A fourth moon has been born. One of the corpses is still up in its place. The false moon is good at fooling people..."
Rex Lapis probably continued speaking, but Ajax stopped being able to discern his words.
Why did you leave? he didn't ask, his thoughts coming and going,
Then fell asleep.
"Which do you believe is the brightest star in these skies?"
"Isn't it the Pearl? I believe that's the one the sailors use to mark the north. Though I'm no sailor, Morax; why not ask our fishermen?"
"They're seafarers, Guizhong. I had figured they would answer with the Pearl as well."
"Then why ask me?"
"I had thought maybe you'd have a different opinion, is all."
"Well. I suppose it's true our eyes are not infallible. I'll admit, some nights I feel as though the snake's eye shines the brightest. Sophía, is it? ...Or is that the tail's tip-"
"Do you have a favorite star?"
"I'm rather partial to the Pearl, boring as the answer might be. Why these questions, though, all of a sudden?"
"You insist curiosity is the spirit of humanity; I am attempting to partake."
"Do you have a favorite star, then?
"...I shan't tell."
"Why?"
"You will not consider it a valid answer."
Friday saw Ajax, once again like a stupid little magnet, having lunch with Rex Lapis at Wanmin.
The monster in his bones had been restless since the morning. Amid his general... pathetic disposition, since he returned from Snezhnaya, he'd been absentmindedly taking notes of the passage of time. After The Narwhal, the fastest voyage from Snezhnograd to Liyue Harbor was in a Fatui personnel vessel, which took roughly four days to complete.
Had Her Majesty sent out someone after him the second she figured out he'd- fled, the ship would've been arriving that very Friday.
It was evident to both Rex Lapis and Xiangling, Ajax realized, that he couldn't sit still. He'd stare out the window, scan the other patrons with them-
He had a bad feeling about all of this. Her Majesty was not someone you slighted like this. Rex Lapis might insist he would not be getting extradited to Snezhnaya, but-
But.
Ajax could still be compelled to return. He still had a duty, he still had vows; he couldn't just well- hide forever. Run forever.
(Even though he could. If he really wanted to, he could.)
If he did that, it would be a complete burning of the bridges behind him. If he did that, he would never be allowed back under any circumstances.
He would never be able to see his little siblings again.
And Ajax-
"They cannot forcefully take you away," Rex Lapis pointed out as they walked by the piers after their lunch.
The breeze was coming in strong from the bay, at that hour. The sky was slightly overcast.
Rex Lapis' voice was low and steady through the wind, private where there weren't many people out and about in that particular stretch of the waterfront.
"They could kidnap me," Ajax grumbled, though there was no real force behind it. He doubted they'd actually do that.
"You would not let them," Rex Lapis scoffed, quiet. "I would not let them."
Ajax forced his eye to the ocean, swallowing down the ache in his lungs at that statement.
(Would you, really?)
In the distant horizon of the sea near Dragonspine, he could swear there was a dot.
Like a ship arriving.
He hurried their pace away from the piers, feeling like he was going mad. Rex Lapis didn't object to the sudden change in their usual walking route, and merely followed after him.
The presence of the god beside him was almost enough to keep the miasma in his bones in check, and keep him from stressing himself into a frenzy.
(Ridiculous.
Just what had become of him?)
"By any chance," the god began as they sat in Andrei's office, having tea.
Ajax didn't know both why the bank staff let him do this kind of thing with their installations, and also why Rex Lapis continued sticking by him after they'd ostensibly finished their walk.
"...Do you happen to know what shape your birth constellation takes?"
Ajax sipped his black tea, distantly wondering if this was just Rex Lapis being too kind for his own good, and taking pity on him because it was obvious the god knew there was something bothering him. On top of- what had already been bothering him since he returned.
Part of him wanted to bristle at the thought. He was meant to be a better actor than this, was meant to-
...
But another part of him, the stupid part that seemed to keep on coming out on top since he had the idea to spy on Her Majesty; he couldn't complain. Not if it kept those amber eyes on him and that voice around him for longer.
"Pretty sure, yeah," he set his cup down, vaguely recalling one of the first general Harbinger meetings where an astrologist had been brought expressly from Sumeru to divine everyone's constellations. Something or other about a personalized seal for each. Point was, "It's a narwhal."
Rex Lapis' thoughts seemed to pause, as though it wasn't an answer he'd expected. The reaction confused Ajax, because outside of the mild surprise back then of his constellation somewhat matching with the dreams he used to get of this giant whale down in the Abyss; the reveal of it by the astrologist had been... not quite a let-down, but...
Well, nothing to get excited over. It was just an animal.
"Do you happen to remember what the name of this constellation is?" the god prodded, expression even but eyes- intense.
"...I- No," Ajax winced. "No, I don't really remember, if I'm being honest. It was two words, I think? Two foreign-sounding words, so I never got the hang of them."
Rex Lapis' eyes went to the side in thought, mouthing something like 'narwhal' and 'two words' for a moment. Ajax forced his eye back to his tea and away from the god's lips.
(Get it together.)
"Could it have been...?" the god's whisper brought his attention back to him, almost-frowning amber eyes returning to Ajax. There was- something between disbelief and worry in there, and- "Does 'Monoceros Caeli' ring any bells?"
...Huh. That-
"I think...?" he tried to remember, but came up blank. Still- "Yeah. That- sounds like it could be it, but-"
There was a knock on the door.
"Harbinger Tartaglia," Ekaterina. "The courier arrived early. There is a letter for you."
What?
On Ajax' permission, Ekaterina excused herself into the room, handed him the envelope, gave a respectful nod to Rex Lapis, and then swiftly excused herself out.
Ajax stared at the letter in his hand, standing by the small couch area. Indeed, the courier must've arrived early: this was Tonia's usual correspondence, the one he was supposed to get in another week.
"...This is from my younger sister," he provided, a bit bewildered. The courier was never early, this had never happened before. Still- "Do you mind if I...?" he waved the envelope aimlessly, giving the god an apologetic look.
"Please," Rex Lapis made a go-ahead gesture, his expression having smoothed into the usual practiced placidity. He stood up from the couch also. "I ought to begin heading back as well."
Ajax gave him a small humming noise, watching him finish his tea and begin gathering the teapot for a second. He forced his attention back to the letter and fetched the letter opener from the desk, leaning against it as he sliced the envelope open and extracted the folded paper inside.
Rex Lapis moved around the room to set everything in place, and with the background noise of clicking porcelain, Ajax decided he might as well skim the letter a bit before walking the god to the door.
His hearing picked up on the soft, barely-there sound of paper being brushed between one's fingers. He placed the tray back in the spot Childe had extracted it from, and turned to find the man with an odd frown in his face. As though he could tell something was off, but didn't know exactly what.
Reading the letter, he reached blindly for the opened envelope on the desk behind him, and spared it a glance. Turned it around. Felt the stationery under his fingers.
He returned his eye to the letter itself, the reading movement clear to him even where he stood by the cupboards.
Childe's expression grew increasingly worried as he progressed down the page. His brow twitched, his jaw set, his eye-
"Is something the matter?" he couldn't help but ask, keeping his volume low. Though he had found the Fatui agents here did not make it a habit to eavesdrop, this was still...
"I- am not sure," Childe murmured, his attention on the letter. "It's just-"
He did not finish that thought. He turned his attention back to the envelope, looked at it from various angles, then the letter. He also turned it around, examining the paper itself.
"Is it not actually from your sister?" he chanced, approaching the seating area again.
"No, this is her handwriting alright," Childe said, but his expression remained the same. "It's- not the stationery she uses, though. She also doesn't-"
Another pause. He set the envelope back on the desk and brought a hand in front of the letter. The tell-tale sound and feeling of Hydro being manipulated preceded a soft blue glow from his hand, and he watched a small bubble brush the paper for a moment, enough to make it damp and for a mark to appear on the other side.
"...She doesn't own waterproof ink," Childe added.
Oh.
Surely not...
"What does she say?" he asked, quiet, keeping his thoughts. It cannot... She wouldn't, would she?
Childe's hold of the letter tightened. "She says she misses me. Asks when I'm going to visit, that they haven't seen me in over half a year now," he murmured, brow twitching as it furrowed. "Says everyone misses me, which isn't-"
A pause. His eye widened slightly.
"This is dated for Monday," Childe whispered, his stance shifting, bracing himself on the desk with his free hand. "The Monday I was in Snezhnograd. But she should've known- Teucer-"
He watcheed Childe slowly slide down to the floor, one hand still clinging to the desk behind him in an awkward angle, eye glued to the letter.
"This makes no sense," the man breathed out. "But this is her handwriting, I know she wrote this."
There was silence for a moment. Slowly, he rounded the seating area and approached Childe.
The lone blue eye, blue like the depths of the ocean, looked up at him with some delay. He could see thoughts whirling there, a cogwork machine working on overtime as the dots connected and his expression fell from disconcert, to concern, to disbelief, to betrayal,
To fear.
"She's calling me back," Childe whispered, letter clutched tight, the paper crinkling. "She is calling me back."