Chapter Text
“Seungeon hyung?” Yujin's soft voice echoes through the empty rooms of the dorm. “Are you okay?”. He knocks twice, gently resting his fingers against the wooden door.
No answers.
A cold breath of air drifts through the corridor, filling it with the scent of rain and dry leaves. Someone must have forgotten to close the window once again. Maybe it was Ricky before heading out to the gym. Or Gyuvin, rushing off to meet Gunwook and Junhyeon at the newly opened restaurant down the street.
Yujin pulls his hand back and slips it into the warm pocket of his sweater. With a heavy sigh, he trudges toward the living room. His Hao hyung is there, curled up on the far end of their yellow sofa, his face softly illuminated by the warm glow of the lamp. His eyebrows are furrowed and his big eyes are fixed on the book in his hands, trying their best to stay focused despite the tiredness. Between rehearsals and recording sessions, today had definitely been a rough day for everyone. And Yujin knows it. That’s why he tries not to bother his hyung, their leader, who always carries the heaviest workload among them.
He stands there for a bit, absentmindedly scratching a random spot on the back of his neck, his gaze drifting toward the window. Outside, heavy rain continues to pour from the dark blue sky. It’s already 9 p.m. but no one in the house has eaten yet. He could eat, but worry and exhaustion have left his stomach tied in knots.
Hao notices it almost immediately. He always does. “Yujinie?” he calls softly, setting his book aside and finally relaxing his forehead. “What is it?” Their eyes meet, his leader’s caring gaze and his own tired one. “Ah…” Yujin breathes out, the sound barely more than a whisper. “It’s nothing”, he blurts, breaking eye contact. “It’s really nothing, hyung”.
Hopefully he gives up, Yujin thinks, nervously biting his bottom lip. All he wants right now is to go to bed and sleep on it. Tomorrow is their first fan meeting, and he can’t show up with dark circles around his eyes, let alone a puffy face.
But Hao is more stubborn than he is. “Is it Seungeonie?” he asks, his expression shifting from curiosity to concern.
Well... yeah.
Yujin lowers his head, his chest heavy with worry. Could he have done more to help his friend? The question has been circling endlessly in his mind. Lately Seungeon has been struggling a lot. Recording sessions have been stressing him out like crazy and the fear of not being accepted by fans in the new group has only grown stronger.
“You’re far too lovable to not be liked” Gyuvin has told him countless times already, with everyone else quick to agree. Besides, his voice is incredible. He has absolutely nothing to worry about.
But being an idol is hard. And worries like that are inevitable.
“Mh-mm” he mutters, moving to sit beside Hao.
“Ah…” Hao exhales, resting his big hand on the younger’s thin leg and giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement. “I’ll take care of it, Yujinie”.
Yujin can hear the smile in his warm voice. “You can eat something warm and go to bed, okay?”. Yujin would like to reply that he’s so exhausted he can’t even be bothered to chew, but he already knows that’s more of a command than a suggestion. “Yes.” is all he says in the end, letting his eyes close for a moment. Then the cushion beside him rises, and the last thing he hears before drifting into a light sleep is his hyung’s soft footsteps moving away.
Seungeon’s eyes are swollen and red, his lower back aching from lying against the cold floor. He had just woken up from a three hour nap and he feels worse than ever. There is nothing he hates more than falling asleep in the afternoon and waking up in the evening. The mere thought of wasting an entire day when he could have been practicing their songs makes him feel sick.
Well, it's clearly too late for that now, he thinks, running a hand through his messy hair. The taste of sleep still lingering heavily on his tongue. He stands up, almost losing his balance and reaches for the gray wrinkled shirt hanging on the chair with a groan. The sound of rain tapping against the window echoes in the room, and through it he barely manages to hear a faint voice calling from the other side of the door.
“Seungeon-ah…” The leader's sweet voice reaches him suddenly, startling him. “Can you open the door…please?” he continues. It's not like the door is locked, but respecting each other's privacy was the first rule they established when they moved into the apartment together and everyone valued it a lot.
Seungeon sighs. Is he about to get scolded for yesterday's voice crack during rehearsals? Hao hyung isn't usually like that, but with only a few days left before the debut, everyone is very stressed and expects every practice session to go perfectly.
“...Coming” he says at last, his voice still rough with sleep. The other hums in response.
As soon as the door opens, Seungeon sees Hao standing there beyond the shadows of the evening. His leader’s beautiful face.
That was also the very first thing he had thought when they met in the hallway of Planet Camp years ago. Beautiful boy. Big eyes. Very confident. For years, he admired him from afar, keeping up with the other group's activities, exchanging quick smiles whenever they met to record challenges together in the backstage rooms of some music show.
And now they're debuting together.
Seungeon still hasn't wrapped his head around it.
“Hyung?” is all he says. The older boy doesn't seem angry, so maybe he isn’t in trouble after all.
Hao's face immediately brightens with a sweet smile, his eyes softening. “Let's go out to eat,” he says.
Before Seungeon can answer, Hao has already grabbed his wrist.
The city is cold but beautiful at night.
The bright lights of buildings and restaurants shimmer across the puddles on the streets.
Seungeon takes a big breath of fresh air. He's a little nervous.
A pretty boy who also happens to be his group's leader, is walking beside him, humming their soon-to-be released song, while the moon finally peeks out from behind the dark clouds.
“Haidilao?” Hao suddenly suggests, pointing toward a restaurant on the other side of the street.
Seungeon glances at him briefly. He knows how much his hyung loves it so he nods immediately.
“Okay” he smiles. “Haidilao it is.”
Luckily they have a private room available. Sunday nights tend to get fully booked quickly, so they hadn’t expected much, but luck seems to be on their side tonight.
After letting Hao recommend a few dishes, Seungeon finally gathers his courage. “But why are we here?” he mutters. His eyes remain fixed on the table, too shy to maintain eye contact.
Hao's gaze immediately settles on him. The serious look on his face makes Seungeon’s heart sink. His fingers begin fidgeting nervously with his ring. “Ah”, Hao snorts softly. “Nothing much, to be honest”.
Seungeon is confused.
The two of them have never really been alone together before. There were always other people around. And now they’re sitting together at a restaurant.
Having a…
Date?
No.
Definitely not a date.
“Huh?” is all he manages. “Then why are we here?” Seungeon's eyes finally lift to meet Hao’s “...Like…actually”. A wave of anxiety twists in his stomach. Something is definitely wrong.
And Hao seems to know it too. That's why he finally asks. “Are you okay?” His voice is quieter than before. “...lately” he quickly adds, as if afraid of sounding rude.
Seungeon’s eyes immediately meet his. He tries to offer a reassuring smile but his big sad eyes betray him. “I am. I am”, he says quickly, nodding so fast that it seems almost mechanical . “You guys really don’t need to worry about me, hyung. I’m-”
“Seungeon.” Hao interrupts him gently. There’s a different light in his dark eyes now.
“It can feel very different from the inside”, he says softly, reaching for the boy’s hand resting on the table. “And you have to talk about it with us. Otherwise you won’t find a way out”.
Seungeon’s left hand is suddenly trapped between Hao’s warm fingers and he can't help staring at the unfamiliar scene.
“I don’t want to rush you” the older boy continues, “but talk to me when you’re ready”. His thumb brushes lightly across Seungeon’s palm before pulling away.
“I’m your leader, after all” he finishes with a wide smile.
Seungeon can only nod. “I will” he says quietly, quickly slipping his hand beneath the table.
“Well, that’s great” Hao replies, his eyes following the other’s sudden movement. “Now let’s eat”.
The day had been so exhausting: a fan meeting at 10 a.m., lunch, and then filming some content immediately afterward. They didn't even have time for a ten-minute break before being dragged into the practice room until 1 a.m.
Seungeon was fucking exhausted and everyone else looked on the verge of collapse too. Unfortunately, that was what being a rookie group in the industry meant. Not to mention the stinging pain in his knee that had started around 5 p.m. and hadn't left him since, growing more unbearable with every passing hour. If he said he'd never thought about giving up, he'd be lying…especially during this re-debut era. Was it worth trying again from zero? With a group whose members had already been best friends for years? Was he even on par with the others?
To be honest, Seungeon was really close to backing out most days. And tonight was one of them.
He used to be a cheerful person most of the time. He always had kind words for the others, a big comforting hug or a piece of advice. But lately, he didn't even have the energy for that anymore. Of course the members had noticed. The change was impossible to miss. But they were all exhausted too, so each of them was simply trying their best to survive in their own way. “The debut will be worth it”, they kept reminding each other whenever the choreography wasn’t coming together or when their schedules only allowed them a couple of hours of sleep.
Still, their leader, the person who should’ve been more tired than all of them, was constantly keeping an eye on Seungeon. He could feel it.
And he could see it. A fresh bottle of water tucked into his bag after practice. His favourite snack left on their kitchen table whenever he knew he’d be coming home late from the gym. A gentle hand resting on his back whenever he had to talk to the fans or do something difficult.
At least tonight he had made it back to his room earlier than usual, his digital watch reading only 2 a.m. He was honestly in a terrible mood. His knee pain had become insufferable and he still had to eat and memorize tomorrow's speech. He was definitely going to be the only one awake until at least 4 a.m, when Gyuvin would get up and start getting ready for Music Core.
Well, at 3:15 a.m. he was only halfway through it, his eyes barely open and his chin resting heavily on his wrist.
“And we hope you…” he mutters under his breath, his eyes crossing from sleepiness “We…hope you enjoy…”. A sudden hand on his back makes him jump, eyes now wide open and his heartbeat thundering in his chest.
A soft giggle comes from behind him. “I’m sorry” Hao's voice breaks the late-night silence.
Seungeon lets out a sigh of relief. At least it’s a person and not some kind of demon, he thinks. Hao sits down beside him, taking the paper from his hands and reading it attentively. He nods a couple of times.
“This will be easy,” he whispers. The other’s rooms aren’t particularly close to the living room but everyone's sleep had become incredibly light ever since sleep deprivation had become a permanent part of their lives.
“Hyung, why aren’t you sleeping?” Seungeon asks, finally getting a clear look at the member sitting beside him. “What about your beauty sleep?” he adds with a quiet chuckle.
“Ahhh, I don’t need it,” Hao replies, playing along. “I always say that but in reality, I’m just naturally pretty”.
Seungeon simply nods, smiling weakly at the sound of the older man’s whispered laugh. He is definitely about to fall asleep.
Right here. Right now.
“And you?” the sudden voice startles him again. Hao is lightly blowing on his face to keep him awake, making Seungeon’s bangs brush against his eyelids, “Are you not going to sleep? Hm? What about your beauty sleep, Seungeonie?”
He’s so sleep-drunk right now that he can feel himself about to say something stupid, but he’s not fast enough to stop it.
“Do I need it though?” His big, gloomy puppy eyes look up at his hyung’s.
There’s no way he had just done fucking aegyo.
To Hao.
It’s definitely time to go to sleep.
He can’t afford to embarrass himself twice, but the warmth of the room is so comforting, and Hao's slow hand running through his hair to help him relax isn’t helping at all.
“You don’t Seungeonie” The barely audible whisper reaches his ears when he’s already half asleep. He must be dreaming. He’s 100% sure of it.
There was no way Hao hyung had just told him he was the prettiest boy he'd ever seen.
It has to be a dream.
“Yah, Ricky-ya!” Gyuvin’s loud voice had been interrupting the quiet peace of the night for the past thirty minutes. “Give that back!” he shouts louder than ever, a playful undertone in his voice. “Now!”
On the other side of the room, Ricky is trying on his best friend’s new shirt, tag still attached, while smoothing out the wrinkles in the fabric. “Hey I like this, Gyuvinie.” The other snorts, a grin spreading across his face. “No shit,” he says, reaching to slap Ricky’s leg. “You like everything I own. But let me wear it at least once before you steal it”. His tone growing sulkier with every word.
Seungeon is sitting on their sofa, trying his best to ignore the loud mess the others have been making through his wired headphones. This recording turned out well, he is quite satisfied with his voice so tonight he feels like he can relax for a second, unclench his jaw and finally give himself some credit. If this one, supposedly one of the most difficult songs on their mini-album, turned out great, then he should be fine with the other songs, he thinks.
A sudden notification pops up on his phone. It’s from the group chat. It’s definitely Yujin asking his hyungs to keep it down, considering he said he was going to sleep over an hour ago.
A second message makes him swipe down and open the chat.
It’s Hao hyung.
Whoever comes to give me a massage might get a pair of Fila shoes they gave me after the shoot ;) Just sayingg~
Seungeon gulps. He wanted those gray shoes he saw in the older’s room so badly that he was actually thinking about buying them with his first paycheck after debut.
He strains his ear. The sound of the two bickering is still going on in the background. Yujin hasn’t viewed the message yet.
Is this his chance to get those shoes?
He sends a cute sticker and quickly gets up.
Hao’s room is at the end of the hall. He got the biggest room, for obvious reasons. Seungeon has only come in once before, when he needed to borrow a couple of rings because he couldn’t find his own and they were running late. Hao likes to keep it clean and tidy. It always smells like vanilla or cotton, some clean, soft scent Seungeon doesn’t really recognize. He has got a big bed, piled with blankets and plushies he got from his friends. When he arrives in front of the door, Seungeon takes a deep breath. What is he so anxious about? Maybe he’s scared of being asked about his condition again. Maybe Hao just makes him nervous.
Seungeon knocks lightly. Only once.
He hears nothing.
Maybe it was a stupid idea afterall. Seungeon really believes in fate, and this is probably fate giving him the opportunity to retreat before doing something stupid. He’s about to turn around and go back when the other finally speaks up. “Come in,” a sleepy voice says.
Seungeon is standing in the dark room. Hao has pulled the curtains all the way shut, and the moonlight barely filters in, allowing him to make out only vague shadows around him. “I was going to sleep” he groans, “But my back is keeping me awake. It hurts”
Hao’s whine makes Seungeon’s throat go dry. “Ah.” He says. “I know how to give massages,” he adds, taking a step closer to the bed. “My mom used to suffer from back pain, so I learned”. Another step closer. He sits down without Hao telling him to.
Since the other isn’t saying anything, he tries to find his back in the dark, squeezing it softly once he can feel Hao's shoulder blades beneath his shirt. He’s so skinny that Seungeon’s fingers can easily trace a line along his spine, earning a breath of relief from him. Seungeon always felt proud whenever his mother thanked him for the relief she got from his massages. He definitely had a knack for it. He had even considered pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Physiotherapy someday in the future. Well, if he couldn’t make it in Boys Planet.
So he was really determined to give his hyung the best massage of his life. For the Fila shoes, of course.
With a slow movement he runs his thumb over Hao’s ribs, applying just enough pressure not to hurt him. “This is so good,” Hao’s voice comes out muffled, his face buried in the pillow, only his hair still visible. Seungeon spends a couple of minutes kneading his soft muscles along his back with slow, repetitive movements. Then his fingertips reach for the nape of Hao’s neck. They brush against his hair, making Hao let out a soft, involuntary moan.
Seungeon immediately freezes. Did he really just hear that?
He tries threading his fingers through the other’s hair, ignoring the sweet sound that keeps replaying in his head.
“Seungeon,” Hao mewls, making the younger boy immediately stop. “Did I hurt you?” he asks quickly, wondering if he accidentally pulled on a strand of hair. Hao doesn’t answer. Instead, he lets his hand find the boy’s thigh. Seungeon is about to panic.
“This is really good”. Hao says, patting his leg.
“Thanks.” He murmurs, giving one last stroke over the boy's bare skin before getting up from the bed. “So…” he tries to laugh, but his mouth is too dry right now. “Do I deserve the shoes?” A rustling of blankets.
“You deserve that and more,” Hao says, before turning to the other side. His breathing slowly settling into peaceful sleep.
Whatever that means, Seungeon thinks.
Shoes obtained.
The first week of promotions had finally ended. And everything had gone so well that Seungeon is actually starting to think he might have made the right decision by signing the contract again. Still, they have a long way to go before they can properly rest.
It's currently 2 a.m. on a Saturday night, and the boys are all gathered in their practice room. Two of them, Yujin and Ricky, have been dozing off during the ten minutes of rest their leader granted them. Gyuvin is writing something to their fans on Bubble. He really enjoys the app.
Cute, Seungeon thinks. He should go there too, and wish his dear fans a good night.
Zhang Hao has been checking himself in the large mirror wall. He's been obsessing over his appearance lately, constantly fixing nonexistent strands of hair or making faces to reduce the puffiness in his cheeks faster. It’s kinda sad, Seungeon thinks. Hyung is definitely the visual of the group. And seeing him so insecure makes his heart ache.
Right now, he's clearly upset about his cheeks. He's been touching them and sighing for minutes on end, trying different poses and constantly turning his face from right to left, a small pout forming on his lips. Seungeon feels the need to step in. It's actually starting to upset him.
“Should we just add today's hour of practice to tomorrow's schedule?” He suggests, loud enough for his voice to reach even the sleeping boys. “We have the time” he says, turning to look at their leader “We deserve it”. Hao smiles at him, a sweet smile. “Okay” he replies, earning a loud shout from Gyuvin. “Rwicky, Yujinie, wake up! We're done!” the tall puppy yells, grabbing their wrists and enthusiastically dragging the two confused boys out.
Hao and Seungeon are left behind. As the two oldest, their stamina levels are definitely different.
Seungeon is the first to move, gathering his stuff and getting up with a sigh. His knee is still not okay. At least he'll get a bit of rest when they’ll switch to promoting their B-side.
“Eonie,” Hao calls, still sitting in the middle of the practice room. Seungeon hums, not turning around. He reaches for the mouse and turns off the computer which still had their title track playing in the background. “I really appreciate you,” Hao adds.
“Thank you, hyung,” Seungeon replies, turning around slightly confused. Everyone did an amazing job, that's for sure, but something in the older’s voice implies something different.
That's when Hao gets up and walks closer to him until their shoulders brush. He wraps an arm around Seungeon. “I want to thank you properly.” His voice is warm, and Seungeon feels his breath on his neck.
This doesn't make sense, he thinks, but one of his hands still finds its way to Hao's hip. Lately he's been grabbing his waist often during their contents, so it just comes naturally.
Hyung’s head slowly rests on his shoulder. Then Seungeon feels a soft kiss on his arm.
He opens his mouth but no words come out. His body goes stiff, he doesn't dare to make the smallest movement. Instead, Hao shifts, fitting his small face into the nape of Seungeon’s neck and pulling him into a hug. Seungeon finally gathers enough strength to murmur something back. “We all worked hard” he says, placing the other hand on the taller boy's hip, gripping it a bit tighter without thinking.
The tension is insane. So insane he almost wants to pinch himself just to check if he’s dreaming.
What is happening?
Hao stays like that for a full minute, resting on Seungeon's broad shoulder, hands on his sweaty back. Then he shifts slightly again, and in a fraction of seconds, presses another kiss to Seungeon’s exposed collarbone, peeking out from the worn-out shirt he still insists on wearing to practice.
“This is insane,” Seungeon whispers. The words come out wrong, his voice betraying him in a way he definitely didn’t intend.
Hao takes a step back, quickly meeting his member's eyes “Is it?” His voice sounds almost mortified. Seungeon can't help but panic at the sudden emptiness against his chest. “No,” he blurts out.
Gosh, he looks pathetic.
Hao's eyes are locked on him, clearly searching for any sign on his face: doubt, hesitation, resentment. But Seungeon doesn't want him to find any. He doesn't want this to end.
So he does something he didn’t even realize he was capable of. He grabs Hao’s arms and pulls him into a kiss.
Hao's lips find his immediately, his arms looping around the back of Seungeon’s neck as he pulls him closer. But before it can go any further, he pulls back slightly, just enough that their lips are still almost touching, their breaths mixing in the small space between them.
"You want this?” He asks. His dark eyes searching Seungeon’s.
Seungeon doesn't answer with words. Instead, he leans in again, reaching to suck on the other's bottom lip and nibbling on it with his teeth, earning a small sound from his hyung. Seungeon's big hands can't help but slowly go down from the bony waist until his palms find the soft curve of the other's ass. He squeezes it.
The two stand there for a while, filling the practice room with wet sounds and held back moans.
When they finally separate, Hao's lips are swollen, his cheeks flushed, eyes glassy in a way Seungeon has never seen before. So needy and helpless. Something inside him shifts at the sight. An undefined urge to protect him and take care of him now burns in his stomach. And something else entirely that he refuses to name.
He clears his throat, suddenly aware of how close they still are. “We should go,” he says quietly. “They’ll wonder where we are.”
What the fuck was going on? Why are they so hungry for each other?
I mean…Seungeon has been hungry.
But Hao?
Hao studies him for a second, then smiles. A small and a little teasing smile. “Yeah,” he then says. “We should”. But neither of them moves right away.
Oh.
This is the most embarrassing moment of his whole life. He's painfully hard and that bold smirk isn't helping at all. Eventually, Hao turns first, picking up his bag like nothing happened at all. “Let's go?”
“Yeah.” Seungeon just says in the end. “Let's go.”
When Seungeon finally parks outside their apartment, it's almost 3 a.m. It's so annoying that the only practice room that their company could afford was a 45 minute drive from their house. At least the younger ones could go home with their driver at a more reasonable hour. That's also why, when they finally enter their apartment, everyone's already sound asleep.
Hao turns to look at him, a faint smirk forming on his lips. “Well,” he murmurs. “We still have a bit of practice to do.”
He catches Seungeon's hand, holding it firmly for a moment before letting his thumb glide slowly over his skin. It lingers there for a second, before he quietly pulls him toward his bedroom.