Chapter Text
“Ah, come, Bella, I knew you would come to thine senses,” Zestial said, placing his hand on Carmilla’s shoulder.
Carmilla smiled up at him as she allowed herself to be guided away from the destructive scene that lay in the wake of the weapon she had built. Carmilla frowned at this thought, head bowed slightly as she stared at the ground as they walked. Subconsciously, she walked closer to his side. What was I thinking? Carmilla thought, her brows furrowed together as her eyes were trained on the pavement of Hell’s streets. I’m such an idiot… To trust Vox? Carmilla rolled her eyes. I deserve some type of award for the worst decisions made in such a short amount of time.
As if sensing her unease, Zestial used the membrane of his wing to cover her from prying eyes, pulling her in just a bit closer as well, his hand still a comforting weight on her shoulder.
I don’t deserve him. Carmilla thought as she looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes. I didn’t heed his warnings or his advice. Instead, she had let her fear take over. She had let Vox’s words get to her. She had let the thought of Heaven coming for her girls get to her. She had been transported back to her time in Heaven as a seraphim. When she had heard the Speaker go along with Adam’s plans for an extermination, her mentor, Sera, stood by and said nothing. When they had her make a cage from angelic steel that was later used to hold two small girls who had been mere children, toddlers, but of course, all that mattered was that they were sinners… They were nameless and worth less than dirt to Heaven.
Carmilla began to physically shake at the memory, her arms crossed tightly in front of her. Her mind filled with cries and fearful eyes of two children as they tightly held one another in a room of centuries-old angels and winners who were deciding their fates with words too large and spoken too quickly for them even to comprehend what was happening. Angels who should have known better. Carmilla felt her breathing begin to increase.
“Carmilla.”
The word was not shouted. It did not need to be. Instead, it was spoken gently. Carmilla looked up, her frame still trembling, and she felt ridiculous as she looked up at Zestial, who had spoken her name so softly. Her dearest friend and the man she loved. Also, who was currently looking at her with the gentlest expression she had ever seen; they had never put a label on their relationship. Both knew they were more than friends, having confessed their love for one another many years ago, when her girls had been mere toddlers, and Carmilla had told him her true origin and that she had been a seraphim in Heaven. However, boyfriend and girlfriend sounded far too adolescent for them. Not when her girls looked to him as their father.
The status of their relationship was a private matter. A secret to all of Hell, with only a select few privy to the knowledge that they were anything more than old friends.
“I—” Carmilla had started, but nothing more came out. She let out a frustrated huff before speaking. “I’m scared.” It was spoken so quietly that Zestial had to lean down closer to her. “What do I do now?”
Carmilla was lost. Helplessly so.
Zestial seemed to frown a moment, expression softening even further, if such a thing were even possible. Wordlessly, he stopped walking and brought his winged cloak fully around her in one quick motion. Carmilla barely had time to gasp before the world around them dissolved into darkness, shadows. Carmilla pressed her forehead to his front and held her eyes shut. However, it was over as soon as it had begun. The shadows receded as they emerged from the ground, Carmilla clutching Zestial tightly, forehead still pressed to him.
Zestial petted her head, silently communicating that it was safe now, his fingers mindful of the flower that lay in her hair. Carmilla slowly opened her eyes and was grateful for the dim lighting. She hated it when he would teleport them, and it reminded her of the first time he had done it, and she got rather embarrassed at the memory. Her arms had been so tightly wound around him that she had to practically be pried off, not that Zestial had minded; the sly man, he had been rather pleased.
The two now stood in Zestial’s manor. His study. Somewhere familiar, comforting.
“Thou art safe here,” Zestial murmured, one of his hands coming to the underside of her chin to tilt her head up so that she was now looking up at him. “You are always safe with me, Bella.”
That name. That damned name that made her heart do silly flips in her chest and made her stomach turn.
Carmilla looked up at him, really looked at him. Four green eyes stared back at her with such devotion, unwavering faith in her that it made her chest ache. And what had she done with that devotion, that trust? She had abandoned it. She had pushed him away when she should have shown him that same love and devotion and trusted him.
“I’m sorry…” It came out so soft, slipping from her lips before she could let another thought consume her. “Zestial, I’m such an idiot.” Her arms uncrossed as her hands slowly enclosed around the wrist of the hand that held her chin. He allowed her to remove his hand as she began to toy with his fingers nervously. She no longer looked at him, no longer being able to bare the fact that his eyes held no disappointment. No anger. Only his steadfast love. “You were right and—” her voice broke slightly, and she hated it, “—and I knew it.”
“Carmilla… thou art not an idiot.”
Carmilla swallowed before continuing, threading her fingers with his mindlessly, “The fact that you're saying that makes me feel like an even bigger idiot…” Carmilla let out a huff of laughter, though it lacked amusement. “I let my fear control me, and in the end it almost destroyed everything… Everything I sought to protect. My girls, our home, and you.” Carmilla looked up at him, then a tear slowly fell from her eye.
Zestial held so much concern in his eyes as he removed his hand from her and leaned down as he brought his arms around her in an embrace. “Thou knowest I hate to see thee cry.”
Carmilla let out a choked sob as she brought her arms around him as well and tucked her head into his shoulder. She gripped the back of his cloak tightly as if he might disappear at any moment. “I was so afraid,” she spoke between cries, “when Vox started talking about Heaven, about angels coming for the girls, I just—I panicked. All I could see was them back in that cursed cage, looking at me with those terrified eyes.”
“I know, mi amor,” Zestial hushed, one hand stroking her hair while the other held her firmly against him. “Thy fear is not unwarranted.”
“But I should have trusted you. You’ve never—” another sob caught in her throat. “You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you. Not once in all these years, and instead I listened to that—that pendejo—”
Zestial’s chest rumbled with a low chuckle despite the circumstances. “Thy Spanish always becomes more colorful when thou art upset.”
“Don’t patronize me,” Carmilla mumbled, though there was no real heat in her words. She pulled back slightly to look up at him, tears still stubbornly falling from her eyes. “I mean it, Zestial. I pushed you away when I needed you most. I made a weapon for that—” she let out a frustrated sigh, “I thought I could handle it all alone… that I would somehow protect everyone. That this was all somehow my fault—”
“But it is not.” Zestial interrupted gently, cupping her face with both hands now, wiping her tears as he did so. “Thou art not alone. Thou hast never been alone. Not since the day thou chose to fall. Not since thou brought those precious girls into thy life. And certainly not since thou allowed this old demon into thine heart.”
Carmilla’s breath hitched. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Nonsense, if anything, ‘tis I who does not deserve thee.” He leaned down, pressing his forehead to hers. “An angel who gave up Heaven itself for two souls deemed unworthy by her own kind. Who built an empire on principles instead of cruelty. Thou who looks at a demon such as myself and sees something worth loving.”
“Zestial—”
“Please, let me finish,” he said softly. “Thou madest a mistake, Bella. Thou art allowed to make mistakes. Thy heart was in the right place. The heart that brought thee here.”
Carmilla let out a watery laugh, “You’re being too kind. I nearly got us all killed because I was too proud to—” She stopped, pressing her lips flat.
Zestial pulled her close again, and Carmilla rested her cheek to his frame with a sniffle and closed her eyes. Zestial began to stroke her hair once more before rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Thou art worth being kind for.”
They stood like that for several long minutes; slowly, Carmilla’s tears stopped falling, and her breathing relaxed. The familiar scent of old books and tea that always clung to him helped calm her. It was familiar and deeply missed in his absence. She was finally home.
“Your back must be killing you, old man.” She finally said between sniffles.
Zestial stiffened at that, “Pardon?”
Carmilla began to shake, but this time it was from a fit of giggles.
Zestial pulled back, holding Carmilla by her shoulders now. “If I recall correctly, thou art older than I.” Zestial raised a brow at her, but despite this, he had a smile on his face.
Carmilla gasped in fake offence and playfully swatted at his arm, “Only by a few hundred years! Plus, mi amor, I’m not the one who talks as if it’s the 1500s.”
And the two began to laugh together.
“Mierda, I must look like a real mess,” Carmilla said once their laughter had subsided, wiping at her eyes.
“But thou art my mess,” Zestial sighed.
“You’re going soft,” Carmilla deadpanned.
“If going soft is the price to be at thy side, then I shall be the softest and most sentimental soul to have ever existed.”
“You’re terrible.”
“Perhaps, but thou loves it.”
“You hope,” Carmilla sighed, “I’ve missed you.”
“And I thee,” Zestial replied once more, tilting her head up by her chin, but this time he leaned down to meet her lips with his own.
Carmilla closed her eyes and returned the kiss. It was soft and full of so much understanding that Carmilla felt she did not deserve.
The two pulled apart after several beats, before Carmilla realized something: “Dear?”
“Yes?” Zestial asked, tilting his head at her.
“Were you… In my shadow that whole time?”
Zestial seemed to flush at this as he looked off to the side. “Thou knowest I hate to be alone. Did thou really believe I had truly left thy side?”
Carmilla snorted, “You’re such a dork.”
Zestial scoffed, though his smile remained. “I simply refuse to let thee face thy troubles alone.”
Carmilla’s expression softened at that. She reached up, cupping his face with one hand. “I really don’t deserve you.”
“We have already established that is untrue, mine Dear. Now… what shall we do about the Heaven situation?”
Carmilla’s hand fell away as she turned, moving to sit on the plush couch that lay in his study. She sank into it with a heavy sigh, suddenly looking much more exhausted. “I don’t know. I’m sure the princess and her girlfriend, Vaggi, will come knocking on my door any day now. And with them, they will be bringing Heaven right to my doorstep. Which means I’ll be seeing Sera again…”
Zestial followed, settling onto the couch beside her. “Then we shall be prepared when the time comes. Together.”
“Together,” Carmilla agreed, leaning into his side. She had been doing things alone for too long—or at least, trying to. Even with Zestial in her life, she felt guilty asking too much of him. Carmilla stared off into the dim glow of the fireplace that lay in Zestial’s study as it softly crackled.
The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Zestial’s arm carefully around her as his thumb rubbed soothing circles on her hip. Carmilla’s own hand mindlessly played with his spider-like tie on his chest. However, her brow began to furrow.
“Bella.”
Carmilla paused her mindless fidgeting and looked up at him to find all four of his eyes focused on her with a knowing expression and a slight frown. “Thou art spiraling again.”
Carmilla frowned before taking a moment to inhale, choosing her next words carefully, “I… I want to tell them. The girls. They deserve to know the truth. The whole truth about what I am, their origins.”
Zestial’s eyes widened. Carmilla had kept the fact that she was a fallen angel from her girls for their own safety. With time, the girls had forgotten their brief time in Heaven, and they could only remember the version of Carmilla that sat curled at his side. The version that he himself had always known. He often wondered what she had looked like as a seraphim, and after seeing the seraphims that came down from Heaven, he had a much clearer image in mind. She would have been breathtaking with six downy wings and blue eyes, though he much preferred the red that he had grown so accustomed to. He thought with amusement that she would have reminded him of a swan.
“Thou art sure?”
Carmilla nodded. “If I’m being honest, I should have told them the truth years ago. I’ve kept so much from them for their own protection…” She pinched the bridge of her nose as she groaned, “God, I sound just like Sera. ‘It’s for your own good, Camael. You’ll understand when you’re older.’ Is that what I have really been doing to them this whole time?”
Zestial squeezed her hip reassuringly. Carmilla had told him of the seraphim who had been her mentor before; however, it had only been once. It was a sore subject; thus, he never pushed it further. “Thou art nothing like Sera.”
“Aren’t I though?” Carmilla dropped her hand from his tie and instead folded her hands in her lap. Her shoulders were slightly hunched, and her head not fully upright, showing the signs of guilt she felt within. “I’ve lied to them for so long now…”
“Then we shall tell them the truth.”
Carmilla looked at him with wide eyes. Then a smile slowly crept its way onto her face. “Yes, the truth. I… I will call a family meeting tomorrow morning… Will you be there?”
“Thou does not even need to ask. I shall be there.”
Carmilla smiled even wider at that before it fell slightly. “They're gonna be angry… Probably hate me for a bit, even.”
“They shall forgive thee with time; those girls adore thee,” Zestial was quick to comfort her.
“You always sound so sure…”
“I am sure. I have helped you raise them, mi amor. They love you. And should they need time to process, I shall be there.”
“When did you become so wise?”
“I have had centuries to study,” He said, straightening and speaking with a more formal tone. “Though I must confess…” he leaned closer to her ear now and pulled her impossibly closer so that his voice would rumble in her ear, “...loving thee has taught me more about the heart than all mine years in Hell combined.”
Carmilla felt her face heating, “Smooth talker,” she grumbled as she pushed his face away. “Okay, it's settled then. Tomorrow morning I will tell them.” Carmilla said as she stood.
“And I will be at thy side,” Zestial said as he rose from his seat as well.
“Thank you,” she whispered, looking up at him with soft eyes, “For everything. For staying. For not giving up on me.”
“Never, thou art stuck with me, I fear.”
Carmilla laughed at that before becoming serious once more. “I should probably go home now. The girls, I’m sure, are worried.”
“Shall I transport thee?” Zestial asked, already stretching out his hand.
“Please,” Carmilla said, already moving to accept it.
Zestial pulled her close, but did not yet teleport them; instead, he was looking down at her. Well, not at her face anyway; Carmilla looked down, suddenly feeling self-conscious, “What? Do I have something on me?”
“Thine outfit is rather… distracting…” Zestial confessed. The hand that held hers lifted, dragging her forward while his other hand came to rest on the small of her back, pulling her flush against him. “I confess it has been a struggle to pretend not to notice…”
“Oh,” Carmilla replied dumbly. The outfit she wore was elegant but rather revealing, having a V-neck that dipped all the way to her naval. She then quirked a brow up at him with a knowing smirk. “Is that so? I thought, as the longest reigning overlord, you would not let such superficial things distract you.”
“Thou art hardly superficial, mine dear,” Zestial countered, his voice low and warm. “And even the oldest of demons is not immune to the beauty of an angel, especially when that beauty belongs to the one he cherishes most.”
Carmilla’s smirk faltered as her eyes widened, her face flushing more. She slowly reached a hand up to trace his jawline with the tips of her fingers. However, she did not allow herself to pull him in. “We should get going before the girls send out a search party. Heaven and Hell both know I’ve put them through enough stress lately with all the added secrecy.”
“Indeed,” Zestial agreed, though he made no move to release her. He simply allowed his arms to encase her as he had done before, gently and in a soft embrace. “Though I confess I loath to end this moment.”
“You really are a sentimental fool,” Carmilla teased, still gently tracing his jaw before allowing her hand to fall to his chest.
Zestial simply chuckled at her words as the world around them once more dissolved into shadows. Carmilla pressed close to him, closing her eyes.
When they emerged, they stood in Carmilla’s bedchamber. However, Carmilla did not yet step away from him, nor did Zestial remove his arms from around her as she looked up at him. “I… I’m going to go tell the girls that I have returned and that I will answer all their questions tomorrow morning. Will… will you still be here once I return?”
“Always,” Zestial answered without hesitation, his hands coming up to cup her face. “I shall wait for thee, always, Bella. Take all the time thou needst with thy daughters… and when thou returnest to thy chamber I shall be here.”
Carmilla closed her eyes as her hands moved to be over his. “Thank you. I won’t be long, I promise.”
It was on that note that Carmilla reluctantly stepped away from him and left her bedroom to find her girls. She would tell them everything. Tomorrow. I will tell them everything tomorrow with Zestial.