Chapter Text
thump thump thump
The sort of cream used on his chest was cold, he didn’t like it.
thump thump thump
Before all that, he thought only pregnant women would get those types of exams. But it was now his turn to stay still while the doctor examined his heart. Though, from what he gathered, she had a quirk making it more precise than anyone else. But the law made it so she still has to check with machines.
thump thump thump
“Well, everything seems fine to me!” She concluded while cleaning the ultrasound probe. His father sighed in relief beside him, shooting him a smile the teenager ignored. It wasn’t good news at all, he expected answers.The man dropped his smile in defeat, knowing what was about to happen. Still, he tried:
“Katsuki-”
“Fine? Fine? It feels like I run a marathon every now and then!” He barked.
Since the surgery, Katsuki had moments where his heart decided to fuck up and beat like crazy, even though he would simply be lying in bed. The woman turned to look at him, admittedly taken aback by his aggressiveness. Well sorry to be mad when people wouldn’t explain shit to him.
“I…was coming to that, yes.” She landed some tissue to clean his chest before heading back to her desk, tapping on her laptop. They both joined her after a minute or two. He still had some product left, which made his shirt sticky, but it was hidden behind his hoodie anyway.
“What you are experiencing is tachycardia.” Nice, he could feel his father’s worriness in the air. Big word alert, so scary.
“Sinus tachycardia, more exactly. It’s pretty normal after what you’ve been through.”
What he’s been through, uh.
He forced himself to focus on the conversation.
“Is this something we should worry about?” His father asked beside him, and Katsuki wanted nothing more than to scream at him. Oh, I don’t think so, perfectly healthy to be dizzy and having his heart racing after taking the stairs!
Admittedly, it didn’t happen much after exercising, though it did a few times it seemed to be way more random than that. He still wasn’t allowed to train much anyway. What a hero he was.
“I wouldn’t say so. I…” She tapped her pen on the desk a couple times, visibly searching her words. “I am in no means a professional in that field, but I would suggest getting checked for anxiety.”
Anxiety?
Katsuki Bakugo, feeling miserable because of anxiety?
The rest of the appointment was muffled to his ears, his thoughts plagued his mind and refrain him from thinking straight.
Who was she to think he would stand so low? Deaf, cardiac and now stressed? He was the hero, not the victim here.
Hell, nothing wrong with any of that, but he was Bakugo, he was above all that.
He knew his father repeated everything to him in the car, but he turned off his hearing aid and slept through it. If he slept, he could resist the urge to smash a window. Or two.
16/20, good, beware of not exposing opinions but facts.
“Yo, you should tutor me! I totally failed!” Whined Denki, already hiding his paper in his notebook. At least Aizawa had the decency to wait until the end of the class to hand the papers back, letting them talk about it.
It seemed most people did fine, but Denki and Mina were probably just brain dead at this point.
“Ah, he would give up after 10 minutes, you’re impossible to teach to.” Snorted Jirou, a hand before her mouth. Sero and Kirishima joined the taunting, soon followed by Mina. Always glued to each other, surrounding him. It pissed him off
“What? Come on, Bakugo, tell them they’re wrong!” Cried Denki, grabbing Katsuki’s shoulder before getting pushed back. No one said anything about the way he pushed him with more strength than necessary.
A 16, he was 4th in the class. Not even top 3.
And what if he gave a bit of his opinions, he still gave facts. His so-called opinions were backed up by numbers. It wasn’t fair, he probably was just angry that day and wrote a few snappy comments without thinking much of it– but it didn’t remove how his facts and information were here, precise and correct. He wanted to scream so badly.
He probably shouted a few insults to the others’ face, out of habit, before urging out of the classroom. He didn’t want to talk to those extras, didn’t want to see anyone’s face, especially not Deku’s who ended up first because, of course, that nerd would beat him at an essay about quirk theory. He was able not to express opinions, uh?
His palms were sweaty with anger, tiny sparkles poking at his skin as he stormed in his room. He knows better than to explode his bedroom because, even though the dorms were modified to suit their quirks, it was another story when it came to the furniture. The walls could contain the sound of his explosion but no amount of glue could keep his bed on the floor.
His bag was thrown across his room as he let himself yell from anger; everything seemed to be against him these past few days. Katsuki’s hands were clenched in fists and his teeth gritted in annoyance past his lips. His anger felt like acid in his system, blocking his airway and losing his balance.
Anxiety my ass, if there was a reason for his so called tachycardia, it surely would be his bad temper. He let himself slip against the wall, waiting for his body to come back to his senses.
How not to be angry when his life was this annoying now? Get angry, get nerfed by his body and repeat the cycle, again and again.
Dabbing the sweat off his temples with his shirt, he decided the best course of action would be to clean himself and start on his homework. He wasn’t feeling like eating today.
His shirt joined the rest of his clothes on the ground as he slipped under the burning hot water. It felt like a thousand tiny meteors on his skin, and it felt good. The best he felt in those past 24 hours, honestly. His shower was his favourite place in the dorms; instead of the curtains he used to have at his parents’ house, here it was a glass door. Quite a spacious shower too.
Getting angry was like his second nature, at this point. He must’ve been cursed at birth, unable to feel happiness if it wasn’t for his pride. Maybe anger was what fueled him, kept him going.
…
He was used to being angry. He knew how to deal with it, his friends knew, his parents knew. So why does this feel so different?
Why does it feel wrong when he gets mad at his hearing aid being uncomfortable? Why was it so hard to just go on with his day?
Were misery and rage the only thing for him? A punishment for what he did to All Might? Izuku? Edgeshot?
God he was so, so mad with himself right now.
Maybe a little too mad; he squeezed his shampoo too strongly, getting some in his eyes.
Good thing rooms were soundproof, the scream he left was embarrassing.
Clean to the eyeball and mood unchanged, he was left with one single option to try and remove the wrath from his system; studying.
As of now, his finger scratched at his scalp in annoyance. In front of him lay his media training homework, and while he was an academic person, he just couldn't bring himself to actually fill the papers.
The assignment was quite simple; a short analysis on a hero interview. They were supposed to pick up techniques to avoid personal questions, how to answer about failed missions, in summary all the annoying parts of hero work. Minus paperwork, but Katsuki didn't mind that much that part anyway. Sero called him a nerd once, for that, so he blew his desk. Totally deserved. Even though UA has a more strict damage of school property policy than Aldera. Cleaning the dorms a second time hadn’t been fun.
It was time for the first part of his analysis; highlighting. In orange, the good points. And in green the bad ones. But, as he scanned his paper, he cursed upon noticing he barely highlighted anything at all in the past half hour he was working.
He just couldn't work like that, his brain was fuming and his legs bouncy. He needed to release all that, needed to ragebait some people or anything, honestly.
Katsuki suppressed a yell as he stood up, his homework would wait.
What was wrong with him tonight ? He couldn't even tell-
…
He could release it the old way. Writing a cringy song.
…
Now, Katsuki wasn't a stranger to this whole music world. He used to have a band in middle school and helped write a gut wrenching song with Jirou last year. But he didn't pick up this hobby after the war. After losing a part of his hearing.
Still, his body moved with such ease it seemed as if it never forgot; he reached for his All Might notebook–no comment, thank you– and sat against his bed. The wood stabbed at his back, but he was so used to this spot he couldn’t get himself to write anywhere else. The bed was too prone to reading books instead and his desk was for homeworks.
Bakugo couldn't place words on his feelings, but perhaps he could create a story capable of replicating his wrath. Or a part of it, at least.
He skipped most pages, already filled with old songs or drum notation. He should get a new one, one day. Reading his old lyrics made him even more angry. He used to be such an asshole, but maybe he still was.
After all, that is what his classmate always said about him. They shouldn’t have gotten used to his medicated self; he wasn’t a calm person. Just take a look at his quirk.
Who was he if not explosive? Angry? Loud and unruly?
Stuck in my head again
A story about someone being angry wasn't that hard to write. It was smooth, he wrote the first thing that appeared in his mind. He was quite rusty, no near his old writing technique. But it was okay, it’d been a while afterall.
I'm my one worst enemy
And if his lyrics were corny, why should he care?
I'm sick of feeling
It's not like anyone will ever hear it. He won't even perform it– it was cathartic, as Denki would say. Nothing more.
Take this all away
It wasn't even about him anyway.
Tell me, what the fuck is wrong with me?
So even if someone was to knock on his door, or even enter upon receiving no answer, why would he care?
…
His head snapped to the side, palms ready to fire.
“Wow wow wow! Calm down !” Kirishima yelped from the door frame, throwing his hands up.
“Why are you here ?!” Katsuki yelled back, throwing the notebook somewhere under his bed. He hadn't noticed shitty hair coming in. Katsuki stood up.
“You said you would come, play the drums I mean. You’re okay man?”
Oh. Well, he had completely forgotten about that crap. Great. Perfect timing. He totally was in the mood to see a bunch of idiots.
He did the cons and the pros in his head. Writing lyrics hadn’t been that efficient, even if he did feel a little more collected. The drums were the fastest option. And they had no chance doing a good song without his talent; he just had to help them.
Without saying a word, because frankly no he wasn’t okay but saying so made him look like a victim, he started heading to Jirou’s room. He heard Kirishima following, and so didn’t bother looking back.
“So–what was it?” The red head asked, grinning at Katsuki. The other looked at him with frowned brows, confused. “You were writing, you keep secrets from your best bro?” He faked a hurt tone, testing the water by elbowing Katsuki. He let it slide.
“Homework.” Katsuki lied.
“Yeah, sure.” His friend chuckled, opening the door.
“Blasty, you made it!” Mina cheered, jumping up and down from her spot next to the window. She had a bunch of paper in her hand. Next to her, Denki waved at him before going back to tuning his guitar. Bakugo simply sighed, already fed up.
But the thing is, when you end up in a war with people, you tend to be more tolerant given the fact you almost lost them. They were annoying, loud, stupid but also the only one he wouldn’t mind being called Katsuki by.
“Ah, you’re a lifesaver. I can’t sing and play the drums at the same time, and I was dying to record live.” Jirou said between huffs, seemingly tired after putting all the instruments in the center of the room.
The day prior, she asked him to help them record a song. He said no, multiple times actually, but it seems they caught on his character quite fast when, after the third attempt, they dropped the compliments and started calling him a wimp instead.
He couldn’t let them call him a wimp. So he finally agreed.
“I can understand Ears and Dunce face, but what are you extras doing here?” He grunted, looking at the others. What, Mina could play the flute with her horn or something? Really, they didn’t scream musicians to him.
“Aw, man.” Pouted Kirishima. Sero smiled before answering:
“You really didn’t listen yesterday, did you? Well…”
Jirou was obviously the bassist and main singer. Though she often gave the mic to Mina who, apart from writing, was the one to rap. Then, Denki played the electric guitar and Sero the acoustic one. And Kirishima… well, if he liked being the backing vocalist and doing basic piano, good for him.
“We thought we would let you freestyle the drums.” Denki informed him, being beside him once they all were behind the instrument.
Was he really doing that?
Apparently, yes, because soon enough he traded his hearing aid for earplugs and listened to the demo.
“Yeah, I can work with that.” He muttered. Then, they started playing.
The first hit of the drumstick resonated like a shockwave in his arm.
Hello, again, friend of a friend, I knew you when
As if the impact could travel through his blood, he felt it in his fingers, wrist and shoulder. The way his strength left his hand to hit the surface, moving it as an extension to his arm, he wouldn't admit it but it was radically as good as a fight. Feeling the smooth surface of the wood in his hand, hitting the drum a second time, it was as an instinct that suddenly woke up. His whole body was alert and yet the more relaxed he had been in a while.
Our common goal was waiting for the world to end
He quickly got the rhythm right, playing as smoothly as if he followed notations. He let out air he hadn’t realised he kept and let the anger sip away. All that rage that piled up beneath his skin, it all came rushing down in swift and strong movement.
Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend
He could finally let it out.
you crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again
Behind the thunder of sound around him, muffled by the ear plug, he could hear the other play and Jirou’s singing, accompanied from time to time by Mina.
send you my love on a wire
He was pretty sure his face didn’t translate at all what he was feeling. His mind and body slowly faded in peace as his wrath took over, exploding without judgement. Like a hoard of fish getting caught in a stream, all his negative thoughts followed. He could let it go of everything; how he had felt like poison was rising in his throat when he saw the ranking of today’s grades.
lift you up everytime
His hearing aid not staying after the shower because of water in his ear.
everyone pulls away–
Tachycardia.
–from you
Mina clapped her hands as soon as the recording stopped, saying something he could not decipher with the stuff in his ears. He quickly grabbed his hearing aid and swapped the item. He was getting used to wearing it now, but was still pissed he needed it.
“We should form a band!” Kirishima laughed as he approached the computer, watching Jirou renaming the file of their song.
“Totally, girls love guitarists, right?” Denki put his arm around Sero’s shoulder, the both of them already day dreaming. What a duo of jerks.
“No one would want your ass if you act like that!” He screamed at them, ready to throw his drumsticks in their direction. Which he did despite their apologies.
“Oh, we should totally make music videos where I dance then!” The pink one chimed in, not helping her two friends currently under stick attack.
“I’m not that great of a musician but I do a great job with backstage stuff, it would rock!”
They continued talking, voices overlapping each other with excitement without noticing Jirou’s nervousness.
“Uhm, guys?” She tried.
“Yeah?” Sero replied, already planning his stage name with the others. Jirou looked to the side, biting her bottom lip.
“I was thinking about…staying anonymous. For now.”
“Whaaaat!” Mina screamed.
“Why?!” Followed Denki.
They all, minus Bakugo who was actually glad, gathered around her. She exhaled, looking over her shoulder at her computer.
Her desk was quite messy, piles of papers and junk here and there. Making this music didn’t help as they all put their stuff on it; phones, drinks, …
“I don’t want pros to think we give more attention to music than training.” She admitted. It left the other stunned, but ready to listen. “I know most don’t care– we’re teenagers. But, with how picky some were with the sports festival, I… I don’t want to risk it.” Her voice decreased in intensity.
“Man, that actually makes sense.” Kirishima agreed, putting his hand on his neck in shame. They nodded, and for a while no one talked.
Bakugo deemed it the best outcome; he didn’t want unwanted attention on them anyway, and if it became public they made music, UA would never leave them. They already got class B breathing down their neck, no need to give them another reason to gossip.
He hated those whispers whenever they walked by, even if it was whispers of admiration.
“Mmmh, well, good thing we won’t be at UA forever, then!” Mina smiled, playfully hitting her friend. “Come on, now! Let us listen!”
The mood lightened up slowly.
“Yeah, don’t gatekeep!”
Katsuki groaned, he didn’t care and didn’t want to be part of a band. It may had feel good, but it was stupid. Besides, it was almost 8 pm.
He left the room.
It probably was the worst idea, because now he couldn’t open his phone without getting bombarded by messages pleading him to listen to their song. But he didn't care!
The drums were amazing, that’s it, and he already knew it.
He laid on his bed, already dreading this day. He barely slept, hunger bothering him all night. He hesitated before unlocking his phone. Surely, they would’ve stopped sending the soundcloud link overnight, right?
Uh.
Who was he kidding.
You received 65 new messages from “STOP CHANGING THE NAME OF THE GC”
….
Fuck it.
Turns out, the song was good. Not something he would listen to, but still good.
And maybe he shouldn't have voiced his liking because it was now 8 pm on a Friday and he was bribed into sneaking out. It was still very much forbidden, but without the threat of the League of Vilains, it was easier to do.
Maybe they had good points or it was the fact he was trapped in Sero's tape, but Bakugo found himself outside of UA pretty quickly. The air was pretty chill, the sky peppered with clouds. They walked for a while, a walk Bakugo tried to fight but couldn't. That tape was sturdy.
Streets were oddly calm at first, houses still lit but cars parked and kids already put to bed. As they approached the more urban side of town, neighborhood morphing into rows of stores, chatters and laughter grew in intensity.
The walk seemed as lively, the others laughing and joking around. But he didn't want to give them his attention; he didn't want to be here in the first place.
“If we were to play on stage,” Jirou announced, “I would love it to be here.”
“A… Creepy old bar?” Denki wondered, tilting his head.
Indeed, they had stopped in front of a washed out bar. The paint barely stayed on the wall and Bakugo swore he saw rats on the ground. Jirou laughed nervously :
“I know it's ugly, but I swear it's the best place to play around here. Besides, the lights are always so dim that no one would see us.”
They took the time to observe it. Yeah, no, no way he would step in that.
“Tss, now that you all had time to daydream, what about going back to the dorms?” Katsuki groaned.
“Oops, I thought I taped his mouth too.” Joked Sero. It didn't make Katsuki laugh.
“Ah, you're right. We'll be lucky if we even get one subscriber.”
3 missed calls from Jirou
Jirou: guys. My room. Now.
Bakugo groaned, squinting at his screen. It was too early for this. She better have a good reason to bother him.