Chapter Text
The slam of a door woke Hermione up with a fright. Her heart pounded in her chest and her only thought was to find Severus. She opened her door slowly and looked into the hallway only to see that his door was open, and he never left it open at night. A tightness crept into her chest. He wasn’t in his room. A chill ran down her spine and she thought her legs might not be able to hold her up. Oh God, oh God, is he going to try again?!
“Severus!” she yelled out, unable to keep her voice from trembling.
Hermione heard footsteps running toward her and brandished her wand, ready to cast in case of any danger. She used her wand to light up the hallway and it was only a moment before it was illuminating Severus’ concerned face as well as Odin on his shoulder, shuffling his silky feathers in a disgruntled manner. She lowered her wand and walked into his arms with a sigh of relief. He held her tightly like he was afraid she’d vanish right before his eyes if he didn’t.
“What happened? What was that noise?” she implored.
“I’m so sorry for waking you. I thought I heard something outside… Are you okay?”
“I’m okay. I’m sure it was just an animal,” she assured.
Hermione could tell by how tight Severus’ grip on her was, that he was not fully placated. She held onto his hand as she guided him to the kitchen where she opened the window and used her wand to see the back garden.
“Oh! Look how cute!” she exclaimed as they both witnessed the culprit escape. The fluffy red tail of a fox was the last thing they saw as it disappeared into the dense bushes.
“Just a fox, that’s all it was,” she soothed.
Severus grunted lowly in response and she couldn’t tell if he was unconvinced or just still wound up from the whole ordeal. Either way, we’re safe. She took him by the arm and led him back to his bed where he happily collapsed into a tired pile of nerves. Odin hopped up onto the cushioned headboard and settled in eagerly. Hermione pulled the covers over Severus and sat with his hand in her lap which she stroked with her thumb, hoping he’d be able to fall asleep again. The pearly glow of moonlight was the only thing that allowed her to see his face as he blinked slowly, his breathing finally returning to normal. She waited until his eyes had remained closed for several minutes before carefully resting his hand on the bed beside him. She waited a little longer and took the time to admire how peaceful he looked. I hope he can find that peace even when he’s awake… Christ, I love him…
Hermione had known how she felt about him for quite some time, but hadn’t been able to admit it to herself. She didn’t want to act on those feelings, not yet anyway. She couldn’t just spring something like that on him, she wanted to give him all the time he needed. She recalled the growing feelings he had toward her when she was in his mind. She didn’t think it was right to say anything about it; she’d witnessed something private that he otherwise would have certainly kept to himself. He still has. Up until then, Hermione had assumed that she would be met with reciprocity if she ever did express her feelings for him, but doubt had managed to creep into her certitude. Maybe it was just a fleeting thing in a dire time, maybe he realizes now that I’m just as insufferable as I used to be…
Hermione went back to bed with a cloud of resignation over her head. She didn’t mind that he had stayed with her for just about five months, in fact she hoped that he would stay even longer. It was comforting to come home to him and his smirk and his hugs and his scent and… Enough, enough of him. You’re just going to end up breaking your own heart. Think of something else… like… like… Crookshanks, yes Crookshanks! Oh lovely, now you want to cry? No, no… Just think of the nice times…
Hermione remembered how sweet Crooks would always be when he knew she was upset. Sometimes he could be a complete arse, but he’d curl up next to her and stay when she cried. He’d paw at her hand and she would reach to pet his soft fur. He would arch his back at her touch, purring away. She missed him dearly, and the reassurance he gave her. She supposed she had something like that with Severus in the house. Merlin, he was out of bed in a flash over a silly fox… but he was trying to make sure we were safe… She really did think that it was just the fox; they weren’t uncommon where she lived and she had shooed more than a few away since she moved in. It didn’t really matter, what she found most touching was his concern for her. She knew he cared, but the way he held her like he was afraid of losing her had made her heart clench. It did the same just to think of it. Eventually, her thoughts meandered back to Crookshanks and the way his ears would go flat and his eyes widened whenever he heard strange noises. He’d pop up from wherever he had most likely been napping and dart toward the offending sound to investigate. I wonder if I really will get another cat… granted no cat could be Crooks, but it would be nice to have one around again…
Hermione’s mind was swimming with images of calicoes curling up on her bed while she read a novel, siamese cats slinking around corners and greeting her with loud meows, tabbies tickling her face with their whiskers as she held them close in her arms. The cats came and went until her eyes became heavy and she succumbed to the warmth of the bed.
Severus was bundled up and sitting out in the back garden when he heard the front door open and close. Finally, she was home. He went inside to greet her, peeling off layers as he made his way to her. He was warmed by the familiar sight of her hanging up her coat on the coat rack and taking off her shoes. She smiled when she saw him waiting for her. She kicked off her remaining shoe and swiftly made her way to his arms.
“Ohhh you’re warm, Severus,” she sighed, still shivering. He chuckled, and attempted to rub the cold off her.
“I’ve got to talk to you,” he stated. Severus could see the trepidation in her eyes as she pulled back from his embrace.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just need to talk to you is all,” he assured, walking with her to the kitchen.
Hermione motioned for him to sit at the table while she started making tea. He could tell by the way she kept shaking her hands out in front of herself that she was nervous. He wasn’t sure why she would be, but he wanted to put her at ease,
“Hermione,” he got her attention, “I’ve been here for… well, a bit over… four months—“
“Five months,” she corrected.
“Right… that’s quite a while, and I’ve tried to bring this up with you before—“
“It wasn’t necessary,” she cut him off.
“I think it is now.” She turned to face him, still looking just as anxious.
“What do you mean by that?” she questioned.
“I mean that I’ve stayed much longer than I had expected to. I’m not in any danger now… Hermione, I really ought to go home. I’ve imposed upon you for too long—“
“You’ve not imposed at all,” she almost seemed hurt, “you’ve helped out, and you keep tidy, how is that imposing? And anyway, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you’d like,” she declared.
“You’ve been very kind, and I truly appreciate it, but I don’t think I could possibly stay any longer,” he spoke softly.
She looked as though she was nearly in tears, but before he could look her in the eyes she turned around sharply to tend to the tea. He stood, unable to stand the thought of having made her cry. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she sniffled.
“I’m going to miss you,” she mumbled, her voice wavering. He let out a relieved breath. Merlin, I thought I’d done something wrong. Missing me is much better than hating me.
“Oh, Hermione. It’s okay.” He wrapped his arms around her and she turned around in them to face him, snuggling against his chest.
Severus didn’t really want to leave, but he couldn’t stand the thought that he’d put her out, and that she was just too kind to say anything. He would miss her too… dearly. Her companionship had been a bright spot in one of the darkest times he could remember having. He wanted to be able to do the same for her, to make her just as happy, but he wasn’t sure if he could. She deserves better. What could I—an old, bitter, former Death Eater— have to offer her? As selfish as I may be... I want to try. She’s been so patient and kind with me, maybe... just maybe... she won’t mind? I know that I can’t stay much longer, but even when I leave, perhaps that doesn’t have to be the end. I’ll come up with a plan, a plan I could have spent the last few months fleshing out I will admit... but perhaps it was best to simply enjoy life for a little while before getting back into it. I’ll figure something out…
Hermione and Severus sat down to dinner, the air still thick with the previous, unfinished conversation. Hermione watched Severus’ eyes flutter closed as he lingered in the savory scent of roasted vegetables and buttery potatoes. She loved seeing the look on his face when he smelled what she had cooked. He always looked as though it was the first meal he’d ever had.
“So,” he started, “I should be able to leave in a few weeks... or maybe a bit less,” he added.
“Oh... well erm... where will you go?” She asked, hoping not to sound too disappointed.
“Well, I suppose I should do what I do best. I’ll check Diagon Alley, although I’m sure that’ll most likely be a waste. Hogsmeade, that might have promise. If I remember correctly, there’s that old apothecary with overpriced potions that hardly work.”
“They’re going out of business.... finally,” Hermione grunted.
“Perfect, that’ll do nicely.” Hermione coughed and patted her chest,
“You mean... you’ll buy the place?” Her eyes were wide.
“I hope to. I see no reason not to. Like I said, it’s what I do best. I had wondered for a long time what it would be like to own one myself, of course it was a silly fantasy back then, but now... it might just work.”
“Might?” Hermione laughed, “once people realize what’s happened, you’ll be swarmed with customers.”
“You flatter me,” Severus rolled his eyes, clearly holding back a smile.
“I very well could, but for now I’m just telling the truth,” Hermione replied smugly. He smirked at her, pink starting to color his cheeks. It’s so good to see him full of life, even if I have to lose him soon. What’s important is that he’s okay... and I think he will be... I hope...
“Hermione?”
“Mmm?”
“Are you alright?” He had tilted his head at her.
“Oh, yes, I’m fine,” her pitch had gone up too high. She knew he’d see that she was lying. Damn.
“Well, when you’re ready to tell me the truth, I’ll be happy to hear it,” he smirked at her, leaving the conversation at that.
Hermione just looked down at her plate for fear that if he saw her face, he would know exactly what was wrong at once. She forced herself not to meet his searing gaze, but she could feel it on her. She wanted more than anything to beg him to stay. To ask him to stay forever and never leave. She wanted to tell him how she felt. She wanted to tell him how much she cared for him, how much she relished spending time with him, how much she enjoyed his presence, how much she loved him, but she didn’t think she could. She didn’t think it was fair to him. She needed to let him go. She knew he wanted to pursue a career that he would actually enjoy. She knew that he had been craving his independence. She had to do what was best for him, even if it meant breaking her own heart.