Chapter Text
"And you're positive you didn't hit anything? Didn't get cocky and try some DIY engineering? Didn't flatten a particularly large squirrel?"
"I'm hurt. You know I always drive like a saint - I am the poster child for safe and completely non-distracted automobile operation. Don't you trust me, Karl?"
"'bout as far as I can throw you."
"I'd like to see you try."
"Freak."
You couldn't resist snickering into your palm. Karl resumed his mumblings while he rolled back beneath the undercarriage, clearly vexed that the problem hadn't become immediately apparent to him the moment you'd arrived this morning, drenched from a cold rain and looking positively miserable while pointing an accusatory finger at your car. Even if you hadn't been an item, you knew that he took it as a personal challenge - he may have about as much proficiency with a smartphone as a toddler, but the man did know his vehicles. You weren't leaving until whatever was making that hideous noise was fixed.
Not that you minded. Things had been going well - remarkably so. Karl was an unconventional partner, albeit a passionate one. Sure, he had no concept of personal space and still texted like a senile gorilla, but on the rare occasion he did manage to corral his focus he would surprise you by remembering things you were positive in the moment had gone in one ear and out the other. Your favorite order from the takeout place; small details about the more private, intimate aspects of your life that effected the way you behaved; he'd even surprised you with a little welded figurine of your favorite animal last week. You were more than willing to put up with his twenty minute rants about topics you didn't understand and the occasional mad scientist laugh if it meant you kept getting treated to glimpses into his softer side.
The sex was also pretty good - more than pretty good, actually. Karl was actually remarkably attentive to you, and a fast learner - each successive time was better than the last as he quickly grew to understand what made you happiest. You couldn't deny any of that - but you would die before you let him figure that out. His ego was big enough and if you gave him too strong a compliment he'd never shut up. Better to keep his mouth occupied with more pleasant activities than yapping on and on about how great he was.
"AHA!" Karl's exclamation startled you so badly you nearly fell out of your seat. "Found you, you little sucker."
You sat in the same chair as that first day when you'd wandered in, desperate, half ready to move back home and call your little "life overhaul" experiment a bust. It felt simultaneously as if things had happened far, far too fast and like you'd always lived here in your old but charming apartment, with your old and charming boyfriend.
At least Karl thought he was charming. And, truthfully, he wasn't that old, but he could pry the grandpa jokes out of your cold, dead hands. Wait until he saw the absolutely atrocious Christmas sweater you'd gotten for him as a gag gift.
Whatever problem he had apparently identified certainly seemed to be keeping him busy. The grumblings had turned into much clearer curses and you were pretty sure you heard a hiss? You turned your attention to Sturm, snoring happily at your feet in the new dog bed you'd insisted on purchasing for him. There was grey around his muzzle, much like his owner, but he still maintained that bouncy puppy energy whenever he saw you. Karl liked to whine that you were only dating him for his dog - you liked to respond with a joking Well, of course. It was pretty damn funny to watch him grow progressively more and more envious the more you pet and praised Sturm, and certainly rather interesting to see the range of emotions that flashed behind Karl's eyes whenever you cooed one too many "good boy's" where he could hear you.
Certainly something you wanted to explore in the future.
You reached down and rustled the dog's soft ears, earning a small grunt of approval and a lazy tail thump. You looked around the shop, privately plotting the ways you could decorate the waiting area so it was less horror movie chic and more mundane-but-less-terrifying office couture. Karl would never agree at first, of course. You could just hear his disgruntled What's wrong with my shop!? and No one's ever complained before! - which, of course, wasn't precisely true. Everyone was just afraid to piss off the slightly unhinged looking mechanic for fear he'd cut their brake lines. Oh, well - you'd just have to make him think it was his idea somehow. You'd get there - you always did.
You mind meandered aimlessly for a while, from what else to get Karl for the holidays, to trying to predict what in the holy hell he could have possibly gotten you, to what food scraps still remained in your fridge that you could frankenstein into a passable lunch for work tomorrow. This room, which had once harbored many of your anxieties, now felt remarkably familiar and peaceful. Almost home-y. In the same way Karl had started leaving some of his things around your apartment - a jacket stored in the closet, spare tools that turned up in the strangest of places, an errant sock between the couch cushions - you'd come to feel like you were actually welcomed and wanted in this, a most unlikely place.
Whatever mushy feelings had been building up and threatening to spill over in a most embarrassing way evaporated when Karl suddenly came rocketing out from under the car and - demonstrating an agility that was remarkable for a middle aged man whose favorite pastime outside of work (and you) could best be described as 'watching more episodes of Mythbusters than any other human being alive' - dove on top of a fluffy ball of fury that had attempted a mad dash across the floor toward you. Sturm leapt to his feet and barked protectively, albeit in the wrong direction. Bless his heart.
"Wh- What--" You barely had time to stammer your confusion before Karl had managed to scramble into a standing position and was holding out the apparent source of today's problems by the scruff of its neck.
A raccoon. A very much alive, very angry, spitting raccoon.
"That's - that's what was making that noise!?" You didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The little beast looked remarkably offended at its sudden excision from its hiding spot. Its indignant shrieking while Karl dangled it in the air did sound uncannily like what you had assumed was some failing part under your hood. In a less ridiculous scenario you might have chastised your boyfriend for handling a wild animal - rabies was one of the few things that seemed capable of making this man more outrageous - but you were so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of noise between the raccoon, Sturm, and Karl's amused cackling that you could scarcely hear yourself think.
"Little buggers sometimes crawl up under cars this time of year to keep warm. Cats, mice... once had to yank a possum out of my truck. She damn near tore my face off... still think about her sometimes," Karl sighed wistfully. "You're actually lucky he was where he was - they can end up uhhh... lookin' a little like ground beef. But this dumb fucker probably just went for the ride of his little life before you showed up here."
You supposed the poor thing must have crawled up under your car when you’d gotten home the previous night, tempted by the still-warm engine. You’d been in a bit of a rush this morning – you’d spent so much time trying to make yourself presentable, after all. It was a big day. You and Karl were supposed to be going to his infamous sister’s equally infamous holiday party. You hadn’t actually met Alcina yet – nor any of the others, for that matter – but given the way Karl spoke about her you weren’t exactly sure what to expect, aside from a “big fucking house that looks more like a castle.”
When you’d quietly asked if Karl was really comfortable going, or why he’d even want to go in the first place if he hated his siblings so much, he’d simply shrugged and mumbled, “Free food.”
Typical.
Your eyes darted widly between the raccoon and your partner, and you were momentarily struck by the thought that they looked a little similar. Grouchy, dark circles around the eyes… grungy. The amusement quickly faded, though, when you remembered the person you supposedly cared more about than anyone in the world was holding a potentially deadly ball of (cute) rage.
"Karl, I-- thank you for your assistance -- but please put that down!" You found yourself leaning back in your seat subconsciously, moving away from the flurry of snapping teeth and flailing claws. You were just thankful Karl had on his leather gloves - at least you could save yourself some dignity and honestly tell the urgent care nurse he'd had some protective gear on.
"Aw, I dunno. I think he's kinda cute," Karl mused, rotating the creature slightly to look at its face. "Kinda reminds me of you when I don't replace the toilet paper roll."
"KARL."
"Okay, okay. Fine."
Karl feigned disappointment as he strolled to the door, kicking it open with the toe of his boot. A rush of cold wind entered, nearly biting down to your bones even in its brief passing. At least it had stopped raining.
“Go on, then. Get out of here you little freeloader.”
Before Karl could set it down, the raccoon wriggled free of his grasp and landed with an awkward plop on the gravel. It gave him one last offended snarl before turning tail and quickly scrambling off into the bushes away from the road, no doubt to tell its friends about its strange abduction. You wondered if perhaps it would go home and make its own little raccoon-sized conspiracy board about the pair of you, not unlike the slightly disturbing but mostly harmless one Karl had in the basement documenting his obsession with proving that the mailman was hiding some of his letters. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was more likely he’d simply forgotten to update his address the last time he’d moved – he seemed to be having quite a bit of fun with it.
You shook your head in disbelief and drew your coat closer over your middle, shivering slightly at the change in temperature. Sturm loped over to the doorway and began snuffling about furiously, trying to catch the scent of the unwelcome guest. The old guard dog had the right idea, even if he was a little slow on the uptake.
“Well it’s not the weirdest shit I’ve ever found in a car but it certainly ain’t an every day thing…” Karl made to go back to your car, before pausing mid-step as he noticed your teeth chattering a bit. “Cold?”
“A little. It’s not so bad – the door just let in a little bit of air. I’ll be fine in a bit - but maybe you should get a space heater for this place?”
He hummed thoughtfully before closing the distance between the two of you and suddenly enveloping you in one of his signature bear hugs. It nearly knocked the wind out of your lungs, and you play-struggled a bit and threw in a few exaggerated gagging noises when a few stray strands of his hair fell over your mouth.
“Ack! Stop it! You’re smothering me, you big lug!”
“What’s that? More? Okay, if you insist.”
Karl hooked an arm underneath your knees and scooped you up and out of your seat despite your fake protestations. He spun you around in an awkward circle before dipping you down just enough to make you believe he was about to drop you onto the floor, causing you to wrap your arms tight around his neck and yelp. You may or may not have accidentally tugged on his ponytail in your scramble to find purchase, which elicited a very… suggestive noise from Karl which he quickly tried to cover up.
“Jesus! Watch it! You’re worse than the damn raccoon, you know that?” He was such an asshole. Your asshole, but an asshole.
“Shut up!”
Karl waggled his eyebrows and grinned expectantly at you. Part of you knew by giving in, you were just training him to be goofy like this all the time. Most of you didn’t care. You rolled your eyes and planted a quick kiss on his lips, only for him to make a bold attempt to tickle you in your vulnerable position. Later, this would mean war. For now, you spent the better part of a minute playfully slapping at his arm until he finally let you go, lobbing all kinds of toothless threats his way.
You straightened your outfit while Sturm nosed at your hand, gently checking to make sure you hadn’t actually been fighting. Your face was hot now from laughter, and whatever discomfort you’d momentarily felt was long gone. Karl folded his arms and leaned back against the counter, the very image of nonchalance.
“Is that better?” He chuckled. “If you’re still chilly, I’ve got a couple other ideas…”
You snorted. “Oh, does harassing your beloved give you a hard-on? And you’re the one who called me a freak earlier. Tsk. Besides, we’re already late. We have to get going if we want to make it to your sister’s place before all the good hors d’oeuvres are gone, right?”
It felt like the door had been flung wide open again, the way the temperature seemed to physically plummet at your comment. Karl’s face fell a bit and he looked away, off at some imaginary thing in the corner while he gnawed at his lower lip, a telltale sign that his anxieties were mounting. They didn’t used to manifest this way – mostly it would come out in anger directed at the toaster or some other inanimate victim—but little by little you’d noticed the shift to where he no longer viciously denied or glossed over his true feelings around you. As much as you’d grown to appreciate them, the dark shades were putting in fewer and fewer appearances whenever you two were together.
“Hey,” you ventured cautiously.
Karl’s eyes snapped back to yours. He rolled his shoulder casually and sniffed. “Yeah? What’s up?”
You swallowed the bit of frustration you felt and gently pressed further, taking a single step closer to him. Whatever had happened exactly in his past, you’d only ever seen fragments of it. Tiny shards of a mosaic whose wider image was still a mystery to you; you never wanted to pry, never wanted to make him feel backed into a corner. You had a bad feeling that he would flee or become self-destructive if you did – and you had no intention of undoing the good thing you’d so meticulously built together. The office phone rang, but Karl reached behind him and wordlessly picked it up only to hang up immediately. He blinked expectantly at you, both of you holding your breath.
You adopted an air of indifference and allowed a disarming smile to cross your lips. “I was just gonna say, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I mean, like I said, we’re already way behind schedule. We can just go to the store and make our own stuff – watch some shitty movie in comfy clothes. It’ll be way more fun.”
Karl didn’t move for a moment, causing you to briefly worry you’d said the wrong thing. When his shoulders relaxed, you silently thanked your lucky stars – he shrugged and turned his head to the same empty corner he’d been focused on moments before. “Nah, you got all cute for it. It’s just… a weird thing, doll.”
“We all have weird things.”
“Yeah, well. Sometimes I don’t even know why I bother, y’know? Feels kinda like a habit more than anything.”
“I do know. And I understand.” Sensing that whatever unstable aura surrounding him had largely dissipated, you walked forward until you stood toe to toe. You placed a hand lightly on his scruffy cheek, letting your thumb trace along the scar that slashed his lower lip. He leaned into the touch not unlike a cat, as if he wanted to just fall forward into your embrace and have you hold him there for time eternal. You wouldn’t have been surprised to hear him start purring at any moment.
After a minute, Karl finally uncrossed his arms and you felt a gentle nudge at the small of your back, urging you in closer. You nearly tripped and faceplanted into his chest, but managed to catch yourself at the last second – not that you would have minded. You could hear his heart thrumming powerfully beneath his ribcage, growling not unlike one of the engines he so meticulously worked on.
“We should do that sometime,” he said at last, resting his chin on top of your head. “What you said, I mean. Just get a bunch of shit and spend the day acting like fancy dickheads on the privacy of your couch.”
“Mhm. Maybe I’ll get us gross matching pajamas for the occasion.”
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare.”
“You’d love it. Ones with little raccoons on them, maybe?”
“…Yeah.”
The pair of you shared a laugh before silence fell over the room again. Sturm had returned to his dog bed, and the only sound were his gentle snores – oblivious to the complicated mess of human lives before him. It felt like an odd dance, where both of you were afraid to take the next step. Your eyelids felt heavy, resting against Karl’s furnace-like body. You weren’t so certain that if he hadn’t been holding you up, you might have fallen asleep.
Still, you were cognizant of the old clock ticking mercilessly away on the wall. As much as you’d have been content to stay like this forever, you’d skipped breakfast deliberately on the promise of gorging yourself on rich people food later. You didn’t mind in the slightest having a change of plans, but you were approaching critical mass when it came to getting hangry.
“So,” you said gently, running your nails absentmindedly over his abdomen. “What are you thinking? I’m good either way – but we better do something soon or else you’re going to have to deal with me raiding the candy drawer I know you think is a secret over there.”
Karl snorted, although you imagined he was already plotting to move his stash – there were two things of his you did not touch, his cigars and his chocolate covered pretzels. You felt him straighten up and move away from you, the familiar glint returning to his eyes and his feline grin reappearing. “Well, we said we were going, right? And I gotta show you off – look how damn good you look!”
He spun you in a circle and wolf-whistled – you laughed. He was the only one who could possibly get away with such a maneuver.
“Plus,” he continued, a mischievous tone tinging his voice suddenly, “if Alcina thinks I’m annoying on my own, imagine how pissed off she’ll be when there’s two of us.”
You weren’t sure how you felt agreeing to mess with a woman you’d never met, but Karl seemed so giddy about it that all you could do was nod enthusiastically in response. “As long as you’re positive about this – you won’t hurt my feelings if you want to back out. Promise.”
“I’m good now, Buttercup. Don’t you worry your pretty little head.”
You grinned and sealed the deal with a kiss that Karl quickly turned a little deeper than you’d intended. Even though you’d been together for a couple of months now, it still nearly took your breath away, the way he kissed you like he was afraid that you’d turn to dust at any moment. You thought for a tantalizing moment that you might be extra extra late to this party when Karl pulled away suddenly; this time it was his turn to have flushed cheeks.
“Hey, by… by the way,” he began in a quiet voice that sounded so different from his own, but one that you’d grown ever so slightly more accustomed to hearing.
“Yes?” You expected him to say something flirtatious, maybe a more genuine compliment than his usual Damn, you’re hot.
“I… uhm…”
Actually, he kind of looked like he wanted to throw up a little bit now. What was he about to say? Was he… Oh no. Oh yes. Oh God. You blinked, and to your disgust your heart skipped a beat. “You…?”
Karl’s eyes returned to normal from the saucer-like boyish enchantment he’d suddenly put on display. He patted the top of your head before brushing passed you brusquely to retrieve his coat. “…I think you got some dried toothpaste on your lip, doll.”
You groaned and managed to get in a playful smacked on his shoulder before he could dodge out of the way. What had you expected, really – he wouldn’t have been your Karl without his infuriating games. The moment would come, one day, to have a serious conversation about all of the things this man kept welded behind his chest. Bit by bit you could sense it melting away – and you’d be ready, whenever he was.
You bid Sturm goodbye with a promise of extra belly scratches when you returned and made your way over to where Karl stood by the passenger door, waiting for the garage door to roll its way up. He flashed you one of his cheesiest grins and you pretended not to notice.
"There," Karl thumped the hood of the car, clearly quite satisfied with himself. "Good as new. What would you do without me?"
You rolled your eyes, hoping he didn't catch the little smile that played on your lips despite your best efforts. "Yeah, yeah. My hero. My knight in shining armor come to slay the trash panda wedged in my undercarriage. Come on," you gestured. "We said we'd be at your sister's an hour ago. And I am not missing out on this outrageous spread you keep talking about her making every year - I will kill a man for a good cheese plate, don't forget it."
Karl sighed. "Trust me, I learned the hard way not to get between you and your snacks. Thought you were honest to God gonna bite off my hand that one time.”
“I like to add a little spice to your life, what can I say,” you winked. You got into the car and fished for your keys wherever they’d managed to wedge themselves in your bag.
Karl sat with a heavy whump in the passenger seat, immediately embarking on his own spelunking trip in your glove compartment until he found the old map your father had insisted you keep in your car in the event of an emergency. You can't always rely on that darn GPS, you know. You got the feeling that if there had been enough space inside, Karl might have swung his feet up to rest on top of the dashboard, making himself right at home.
“Don’t you know how to get to your own sister’s house?” You couldn’t believe how well these damn keys were hiding. Chapstick… pencils… a stick of gum… everything but the one item you needed.
“’Course I do!” Karl said indignantly. “Just… double checking! Y’know, reminding myself of street names and all that… my mind is a steel trap, Buttercup. Don’t worry.”
“Uh uh,” the jingle of your keys was like music to your ears as you pulled them out of a hidden pocket they’d managed to nestle themselves inside. “We’re definitely gonna end up at a gas station with me asking for directions while you sit in here and pout, aren’t we.”
“No.”
“Uh-huh. You’re cute when you lie.”
“Really?” Karl glanced at you like an excited puppy. “Uh, I mean. ‘Course I am. Handsome is the word I’d use… devilishly handsome.”
Your car started and you were too busy giving Karl a reassuring smooch to immediately notice anything amiss. When you made to put it in drive, you nearly burst out laughing.
Karl looked up again from the map – upside-down, this time- and blinked. "What's the matter, doll?"
You sighed, and with a weary smirk gestured to the check engine light glowing brightly on the dashboard.