Chapter Text
Fluffy white snow fell from the skies above, landing on his face and clothes. They stayed for a moment before melting, turning into drops of water, blown away by gusts of the cool winter breeze.
Snow only meant one thing, and it was winter, Shisui’s favorite season. He never really knew why, he just loved it. It was like how you love a flower or something similar. You don’t know why you love you just do. It was just so special to him.
That was probably one of the worst analogies he had ever made. He takes the analogy back. So yeah back onto the topic, his love of winter.
He loved how cold it was, since he's a human heater. It's very pretty and less missions for him.
( The missions usually slow down around winter, with people less eager on ordering things like assassinations and doing things like focusing on the economy more. Basically, everyone is stuck at home. So winter is like a semi-vacation for him. He couldn’t say the same for all his other co-workers- they all hated winter. With reasons ranging from the inconvenience of snowy roads to the winter cold. Kama especially hates winter, with the main reason being all of the above. Kama hates the season to the point of turning on all the heaters whenever he’s in the room. Which is strange considering his childlike love of snow, but not the cold. Since how can you love just one aspect of an object?)
Training during winter sucks though, it's either too cold or too hot, and wearing bulky clothing makes it rather inconvenient to move.
But moving on, the night sky is the reason why he came out today. At this time of year, a lot of celebrations are taking place, including preparations for New Year's. The village lights add to the festive vibe. With the sounds of winter celebrations and chatter happening all over the village, it was a sight to take in. This is why he decided to take Kama out on a short sightseeing walk around the village.
He turns to the boy behind him. A teasing shout echoes throughout the empty streets.
“ Can you really be any slower? A snail could outrun you at this pace.”
Kama was unusually slow today, trailing behind him, pretending that he had absolutely no idea where they were heading.
Even with the teasing he waited, listening to the sound of people talking in the village. A dead leaf smacks him in the face. Kama laughed at him for it, talking about how he was one of the greatest shinobi of their generation yet couldn't dodge a dead leaf going 15 kph.
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“ So you’re here to ask me for advice on how to romance my own brother?!” Itachi’s voice gradually got higher as he processed what Shisui had asked of him.
This is probably the first time Itachi actually showed his feelings of shock and disbelief so openly and did not just put on his poker face. Quite a legendary moment if he does say so himself. He really wishes that he had brought a camera with some film to forever record this moment in history and show it off to everyone.
Itachi's face slowly returns to its original state, composing himself before he gets his reputation as a calm, composed genius ruined.
“ So back to our conversation, so Tachi, any idea on how I can ask him out?”
He really shouldn’t have come to Itachi for romance advice if all he’s going to do is listen and go “hmm” like some sort of cow. Which was what Itachi usually did during these conversations. Thinking about it, the cow comparison was pretty funny. But Itachi did not offer him any helpful advice. Except for his expression becoming tenser and tenser with each sentence added.
After the conversation was over, Itachi put him on silent treatment for 3 weeks.
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“I don’t get it. Why do you want to be a hero so much?”
Kama asked from a hammock he had set up in the middle of training ground #44, “The Forest of Death". Shisui looked up at the night sky filled with stars, letting himself have a moment to think about it.
It was odd. For one moment, he never doubted the consequences nor the reasons for his supposed heroism. That way, fewer people will suffer if it is for the village.
(Suffer and grieve the way he did when his dad was killed during the third war. Or live with the guilt of killing a friend for your own survival, like he had when he killed Tenma in an act of cowardice. Most people in the village don't deserve that, and their reactions were just a result of their understandable caution.)
It didn’t make the treatment any more bearable.
“ So you want to sacrifice your life for people you barely know? That is probably one of the most stupid ideas ever and to make it even worse they’re the people who discriminate against you. Dedicate it to the cause of saving a garbled concept of everyone? Abandoning the ones who love you in the process?”
He never said he wanted to save everyone, but where did Kama’s assumptions even come from? He knows he can’t save everybody. It simply isn’t possible in a world as bloody and brutal as theirs. Still, it’s good to know you tried to do it, rather than living with the regret of a missed opportunity.
( Was this how Kama felt when he abandoned him to save his brothers and the clan?)
The question is, why does he interpret it the way he does? What happened to him to make his concept of a hero so extreme and perverted? Definitely another note added to the odd quirks of Kama.
Shisui ignores how Kama doesn’t include himself in the discrimination.(He doesn’t see himself as an Uchiha).
“ Not everybody’s contributing to it. Some are innocent!” He argued on their behalf, trying to make the blonde boy see things from his perspective.”
“But still, they're enabling the ones who do. If they truly cared, they would interfere, or at least express some level of discontent about this. But they don't. They just move on with their day forgetting about us as soon as we’re out of their sight.”
The last one sounded more personal, filled with hatred not only directed toward the villagers but also towards himself. But the next sentence was what really sealed the deal about how Kama’s opinion was already set in stone.
“You don’t understand. I know the consequences of this. You aren’t the first to act like this!” Kama’s expression quickly changed to horror at the realization of what he just said. He turned around, his back turned towards him. Trying to make it as if this conversation never happened.
He wasn’t the first, wasn’t the first, the first.
The words echoed in his head as he tried to dissect them. This would mean that this exact situation had happened before and Kama suffered the consequences. When and where did it even happen? He knew both Itachi and Kama for his entire life so how was he not aware of it? Another mystery to be solved, and another clue added to his repertoire.
If he wasn’t the first, then who was? Who were they and what did they do to scar Kama in such a way? He needs answers.
After the conversation was over, Kama decided to go to sleep, burrowing his head into his blankets after readjusting his hammock. Shisui stayed awake staring at the night sky above him. He just couldn’t sleep with so many thoughts in his head. He couldn’t just ignore it because he might be able to figure something out with this information. A clue for the puzzle that is Kama. A puzzle piece that wasn’t just a useless background piece but a border puzzle, a place to start and to build upon. Now all he needed to do was gather more pieces and fit them into their correct spots, creating an actual concrete answer to the question, “What made Kama like this?"
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Shisui found Kama out training at midnight again. He was pretty sure that this wasn’t good for his health in any manner, but what does he have to say about this? He usually stays awake until 3 in the morning before forcing himself to go to sleep because he has a mission the very next day.
A loud thunk resounds across the training ground as another shuriken embeds itself into the wooden target. The throws are getting sloppier, which means that the training session is going to end soon. He’s just trying to make sure that Kama doesn’t just pass out on the training field again. Is it really the smartest decision to waste time meant for sleeping, waiting around? No, it isn’t, but Shisui doesn’t care and never will. (He can deal with a little sleep deprivation. He deals with much worse on a semi-regular basis).
It ends with Kama walking around the ground half-dazed, trying to remember what he was doing there in the first place. Before almost collapsing onto the grass of the training field.
Leading Shisui to reveal himself to catch Kama from falling and lead Kama back to his house. Even when he reveals his presence, Kama ignores him and simply stares at everything around him in confusion. (It means he’s getting used to his presence).
“ Where?”
But before Shisui could answer that question, Kama continued talking.
“It isn’t snowing anymore? Did the barrier get… “Kama paused as if to search the depths of his hazy and confused mind for a word before settling on the word “stopped?”, too tired to come up with anything else. Before Kama looked around the training ground, even more, confused than before, and attempted to touch the grass below him to see if it was real.
With Kama speaking so much nonsense, Shisui figured he was in a state of delirium from sleep deprivation.
So, doing the obvious thing, he decided to pick him up and carry him to his room. Because he does not trust Kama to get there safely in such a state and it’ll be easier for both of them.
“ Maria? Is that you? Your expression looks very funny right now.”
The worst part was when he decided to take a big leap over the walls to get to Kama’s house. Which led Kama to hug his arms around his neck before revealing a piece of information.
“Good Berserker, but that isn’t our mansion, isn't it?”
Though Shisui would like to know more, Kama needs to sleep now. Kama will tell him when the time is right. Also, which spirit possessed Kama? This isn’t him, this is a completely different person.
But since Kama isn’t in a state to even lead himself to his room, he’ll need a guide up there.
Sighing again, Shisui unlocked the door and led Kama inside.
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They’re in a dark cave, devoid of light and heat. The cave itself is moist and jagged, making it rather uncomfortable for him to lie on. This is where he's going to die, he realized. So he decided to make himself comfortable by using Kama as a pillow.
It was petty he knew but what could he say when he was going to die in a couple of hours?
“Do you truly love me?” is the question that forever lingers in Shisui’s head. Even though realistically he knows the answer is yes, he just can’t bring himself to confirm it. What if Kama only decides to say yes to make him happy? Which itself would be a contradictory action because that would mean Kama cares about his happiness. But as Shisui learned through the years they spent together, Kama was filled with contradictions. The same thing happens a lot on the dates they go on.
He also learned over the years that Kama lied as easily as he breathed.
He already knows the answer, but he needs confirmation, something to show that Kama really loved him.
His only confirmation comes from a cold hand on his cheek wiping away the tears he's crying. Choking sobs welled up in the other boy's throat before turning into a form of hysteric laughter.
The answer to his question is given with such a simple gesture.
“Yes”
“ You love me.”
He still feels bitter about his death, but what can he do about it at this stage? It wasn’t Kama’s fault- Danzo was the one who caused it. Kama was merely a bystander.
(Maybe if they were luckier, this wouldn’t have happened.)
But overall it still wasn’t an awful death, even if the cave he was in was pretty uncomfortable. In fact, he expected his death to be more painful, more full of regrets. Never being able to tie up all his loose ends. Well, there are still a lot of regrets about Itachi and Kama’s relationship as siblings and his life as a whole. However, tying up one was an opportunity many other Shinobi would kill to have.
He was dying, his time was near. He was glad Kama was here, even if it meant watching him die. It was selfish of him, he knew, but still, he couldn't put away the feeling of glee. He was somewhat happy, making Kama suffer a little.
(He'll regret the thought, far into the future, when he watches the compound combust into flames around them.)
(In spite of the fact that he knew very little about Kama's plan in general, the gaps in it were filled with what he knew about Kama as a person.)
Maybe if they were lucky they could meet in the pure lands soon.
He can feel his spirit gradually slip away - little by little. He's dying, so he closes his eyes one last time as the world around him fades.
What he didn’t expect was that he would wake up again as a spirit.
(He never expected the seal to work.)