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Love is something you give, you don’t find it, you don’t fall into it. It’s not a surprise. You don’t just stumble onto it one day.
You just give it.
And one day, someone gives it back. Love isn’t “this person makes me happy”, it’s “I want to make this persona better off with me, than they would be without me”.
That’s what love is.
Jaehyun was lying on his bed, counting the seconds, while the metallic sounds of the clock distracted him from his purpose.
He has been in that position, upside-down, for a few minutes now and his head had become quite red. Not that it bothered him anyway: he was used to it.
All time spent without Taeyong was worthless for him, if not tiresome.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he remembered their first meeting, that happened some months ago.
- - -
22 October
“Jaehyun! Come here, you headass!” he heard a scream in the distance while making the first step on the grass.
The boy didn’t even need to see where it came from as he immediately recognized the owner of that annoying voice: Johnny. Plus, who else could scream bad words with a totally Chicago-like accent in the middle of a park in Seoul? It was kind of obvious.
Jaehyun started to run barefoot to reach his friend, excited that he could finally receive a piggy back ride, when something- someone- stopped him.
Behind the tall American boy, a small head was popping from his shoulder. Who was he? Johnny hadn’t mentioned any friend in the message that he sent him before.
Among his friends, Johnny was the one that definitely had more acquaintances than the others (well, with that loud and deep voice, how could anyone possibly not hear him?) but that guy’s face was totally new.
He seemed a little hesitant at first but then, after seeing that Jaehyun himself has stopped his run to look at him, he came closer to the boy and gave him his hand.
“Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong, you’re.. Jaehyun, right? Johnny has told me so many things about you!” he said in one breath, while shyly shaking his hand.
Lee Taeyong, what a nice name, he thought while admiring his plump and rosy lips.
“Yes, I’m Jung Jaehyun. But, Johnny, what have you told this poor boy about me? Did you scare him?”
“Oh, no-no. He was very nice, actually. He said that he was waiting for a friend and then we could have gone drink something” he added with a smile.
Jaehyun stole a glance at Johnny, who had put his hand in the pockets and was laughing in silence. Poor Taeyong, how did he even end up with a person like that?
Johnny was dead meat.
“Sure, let’s go”
During their walk to the stand, the three guys talked about everything and Jaehyun found himself staring accidentally at Taeyong more than once.
It’s just that everything about him was.. mesmerizing. From the way his black hair fell onto the bridge of his nose, causing him to pinch it continuously, to the way he talked, with a confidence that he kind of hid some hours ago. Where did all that beauty come from?
Never in his life had Jaehyun seen someone as attractive as him, in every way and he was sure to want to discover more and more about that mysterious guy.
That’s not a sort of romantic-comic drama where the of-course-straight-main-couple kissed at the first date but, well, things went ahead quite nicely until that point.
That night, Johnny got drunk after just an hour and, just when he started talking some philosophical non-sense shit, the two boys decided to call a taxi and take him home.
“I think he’s already quite noisy when he’s sober, it’s probably better to go home now before he can embarrass us” said Taeyong from nowhere, and Jaehyun found himself nodding even before he could finish the sentence.
The boy’s melanin was glowing with that faded light and he looked like a dark majestic prince, the palms of his hand under his chin, and his eyes looking directly at Jaehyun.
“Now what?”
If he had known that such a thing would have happened later that day, he would have put more makeup on, covering his dark circles and that terrible pimple on his forehead. Silently thanking the bad lights from that place, he stood up, hoping that Taeyong wouldn’t notice his- suddenly- red cheeks. (and God know what else)
Jaehyun can’t remember other details from that night mainly because of Johnny’ snoring in the taxi and partly because of the awkward silence that had dominated the place. He was still thinking about Taeyong’s gaze and his lack of emotions. Such an interesting and complex person enclosed in that tiny body.
When the taxi finally arrived at Johnny’s place, Jaehyun found himself thinking about the right way to say goodbye to the other guy. A bow? No, they were friends. A hand-shaking? Too cold. A hug? Too much.
What the hell has he supposed to do?
“Well, Jung Jaehyun, I’m going so.. uhm, I guess, that’s not a goodbye.” Taeyong’s voice slightly startled him and his heart started beating faster than usual.
He had put his hands in the pocket and was staying on the curb, waiting for reaction from the other guy.
“Yeah.. see you. Thanks for the company, by the way.. how did you and Johnny meet?”
“Oh, we met at the park 15 minutes before your arrival and started to chat about football. Not that I’m really interested in it, I just pretended because I liked that guy”
“Uh, I see” Jaehyun hoped that it didn’t sound as desperate and sad as it seemed.
“But then I saw you running towards us and asked Johnny what was going on and he just replied with a ‘you would totally love him’. And I understood two thing: he was not interested in me and was right about you. You are kind of.. curious? In a nice way”
Jaehyun bit his bottom lip to restrain himself from smiling too much as his cheeks were being colored with red again.
He just liked that Taeyong guy and his sincerity so much.
- - -
“I was kind of curious, uh?” Jaehyun was still laying on the bed in that terrible, unhealthy position while waiting for Taeyong to come home.
Who would have thought that a simple, totally casual meeting like that, would have led to a relationship like theirs?
The two boys couldn’t live without each other.. not in an abusive or toxic kind of way, but more in a metaphoric sense.
Taeyong, who worked as a freelance artist, had started to draw more paintings after their first meeting (and second, third.. until this point), all of them representing his unconditional love for that blonde, awkward boy.
Jaehyun, on the other way, loved to write poems about nature and life, but now.. now everything had changed.
His sunrise, sunset and stars were all enshrined in Taeyong.
He almost felt as if everything that has happened until now was just a dream. A splendid, magnificent and well-done dream.
“Hey” once again, he found himself being startled at Taeyong’s voice.
The black-haired boy was watching him with a huge smile on his face and some take away bags in his hands.
“Would you mind helping me?” he asked, raising a brow while waiting for a response from Jaehyun.
“N-no. Not at all.”
Maybe, after all, love could be found in the smallest, simplest things. A smile, a casual meeting and some.. Chinese takeaway?