Chapter Text
Vax has never had any problem finding what he needs. When he needs food, he can get it. When he needs money, he can steal it. When he needs his sister, she’s by his side. When he needs a bedwarmer, he can be charming, and he knows he has a handsome face.
Sometimes, he needs pain.
That’s not hard to find, either. Sometimes a bar fight will do, and it’s usually pretty easy to pick one. Even when he needs something else, a more intimate pain, there are places to look for that, too. It got a lot easier when he became part of the Clasp. Plenty of upjumped thugs more than willing to show a mouthy kid his place, and if he has to endure the occasional indignity at their hands, he considers it a small price to pay to silence his demons.
Vax was starting to feel that itch, the uneasy squirm deep inside him that said hurt me, fuck me up, make me sorry I’m not better than this. Fisticuffs weren’t going to be enough this time. He was contemplating hitting the sewers, but he was…wondering if there might not be a better option.
They’d started traveling with new people. Being who they were, the twins were slow to let anyone in, to open their hearts to anyone but each other. But these people, this team, they were worming their way in anyway. No one could stay cold and distant for long around Scanlan’s mischief or Keyleth’s sweetness.
It was the other gnome, though, the woman. Pike. Vax had a feeling about her. A hunch. He let that hunch sit for awhile, watching her from afar as they traveled together and seeing if she might do anything to confirm or deny his suspicions. It was untenable, though, the itch turning into a clawing desperation that was starting to make him do stupid shit. There was no longer anything for it but to ask.
“I just, uh…well, what I’m about to ask is way too much to ask, I know that, but I’m gonna ask it anyway cause, well, I’m a selfish prick I guess.”
Pike was looking at him with an expression of polite concern and curiosity. They knew each other well enough that he called her Pickle and she knew his favorite tea but this was…well, something altogether different. She was quiet while he tripped over himself and fumbled his words, as damnably sweet and unreadable as ever.
“I mean, basically the point is I know this is…you can just tell me to go away and I won’t be offended and all, don’t at all feel like you have to, just maybe, if you do that, don’t tell anyone I asked? I mean, if you say no I can get this taken care of elsewhere and then I’ll have my head right again so what I’m saying is don’t feel obligated but, uh, sometimes I just get this itch and the only way to scratch it is for someone to…”
Vax trailed off, and Pike nodded encouragement. “For someone to…hurt me. And something just…just tells me that you know something about that.”
Vax was quiet for one whole entire second, and then started up again, a nervous machine-gun rattle of words clattering out. “It’s totally too much to ask, you’re right, I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I was thinking, I’m gonna just go and we’ll hit that town to-“
“Vax.”
Her tone was quiet, and stopped him in his tracks.
“Shush. It’s not too much to ask.”
Vax had already been turning away, and he looked back at her, looking like a bird ready to fly away, a skittish horse ready to bolt. “It’s not?”
“Of course not. Everyone needs something like this sometimes.”
Vax was almost sure that was not true, but he swallowed hard, and couldn’t help wanting to believe her. “…Yeah?”
She smiled at him, and nodded. “Yeah. And you’re right that I do know a little something about it.” Her smile broadened into something almost…fiendish.
It shouldn’t have been comforting, but it was, and Vax felt himself relax. The demon inside was already responding to her words, settling as it realized it was going to get what it wanted soon. Vax’s mind was already spinning away from him, imagining all the things she might do and all the things he wanted. Where would he even begin?
…That was a good question. Where would they begin? And more importantly, when? “So, like…now, or…?”
“It doesn’t have to be now,” Pike said, as serene and sweet as ever. “Unless you want it to be now.”
Vax came back, finally, and sat down in the chair he’d started in. “Well, you know, I mean…whenever works for you, Pickle, I’m not-“
“Vax.”
Her tone made his spine straighten, made him snap to attention. He was eager to obey that tone.
“I don’t want a ‘whenever works’ answer. I want a yes or a no. Do you want it now?”
Vax swallowed. “Y-yes. Please.”
“Good.” She looked pleased, and Vax felt warm. “I think it more appropriate if you were on your knees right now. Don’t you?”
Vax dropped without hesitation, coming off the chair and forward onto his knees. “Yes, ma’am. Is that…” He faltered a little. “Can I call you ma’am?”
“You can if you like,” Pike agreed, hopping off her own chair and coming toward him. They were basically the same height, in this arrangement, but Vax didn’t mind it. Being on his knees still felt like lowering himself for her, and it was good.
“Now, it seems to me we don’t have time to discuss this properly,” Pike said, reaching out and working on a clasp of his armor with an almost businesslike touch. “Keep your hands at your sides, please,” she added. “But we can establish a few ground rules. One: I will not hurt you more severely than you can take safely. I’ll heal you up with magic when we’re done, but we stop the moment I think you might be getting beyond what I can fix. I won’t necessarily stop if you’re bleeding, for example, but if you start to look pale, we’re done. Understood?”
Vax nodded, letting Pike start divesting him of his armor. It felt like movement, like something was getting accomplished, and it soothed the craving long enough for him to be able to speak. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Two: If we do this again, I’ll expect you to tell me exactly what you want. We’re going to establish some quick likes and dislikes now, and some more thorough ones later, but I expect you to voice specific desires whenever you come to me.”
Vax nodded again. “I can do that. As long as you can accept ‘anything within the limits,’ if that’s the real answer.”
“I can,” Pike agreed. She’d gotten the hardened leather breastplate undone, setting it aside. “Do you think that will be the answer every time?”
“No, no,” Vax said, shaking his head. “I definitely…er, want specifics sometimes. But sometimes I just…”
Pike was undoing the buckles that kept his bracers firm to his forearms. “Need to give someone else control?” she guessed.
Vax nodded, relieved that she got it. “Yeah.”
“I can understand that. But specifics will help me do it better, as I figure out what you like.” One bracer off and tossed over with the breastplate, small fingers working at the other one. Vax’s heartbeat was speeding up. “Three: if I ask how you’re feeling, you can’t just say you’re fine. You have to be honest with me. Can you do that?”
It made Vax falter a little. “I…can try?” he attempted. “Can I have more than one crack at the answer, if it’s hard?”
“I just want you to be honest, Vax,” she said, going to the ties that kept his tunic closed around his neck.
“Right, but like…” Vax lifted his arms for his tunic and then shirt to come away, talking the whole while. “I mean, I won’t…I won’t deliberately lie but sometimes, you know, the answer will be 'I'm feeling so many things I don't know how to actually tell you anything useful,' or 'I'm actually feeling horrible but that's how I want to feel right now so don't stop,' you know? That's hard to express right on the first try when I'm already fucked up.”
Pike sighed, and the note of disappointment in it was like a cold needle in his heart. “I’m just asking you to try, Vax.”
“Right.” He swallowed hard again. “Okay. Well, just answer me this: is ‘keep going’ a valid answer?”
“No,” she said, firm. “If you just tell me to keep going, I’ll stop.”
He let out a frustrated breath. “Right. Well, like I said. I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask,” Pike said, undoing his belt. “Stand up?” she requested, and Vax did. “I noticed you want to call me ma’am, and that’s fine. My name is fine, too. Anything you want to call me, as long as it’s respectful. Is there anything you’d like me to call you?”
Vax shook his head as she got his belt off him. “Not really. Whatever you like. Doesn’t have to be respectful,” he said with a little laugh. “But, er, I mean, it…sometimes it…if I’m not in the best place, it helps if you tell me I’m…you know. A good boy.” He blushed.
Pike smiled, and had him lift each foot so she could pull off his boots. Then down came the breeches, leaving him naked for her.
“Back down,” she instructed, and Vax obeyed, already approaching halfway hard. It made him blush a little, and she must have noticed, judging from her next question. “How sexual do you want me to be with you?”
“Well, it…it’s going to be sexual for me regardless. But you don’t have to do anything about it if you don’t want to, it’ll go off or go away on its own. But I’m also okay with it if you want to be…sexual. I’m okay either way.”
Pike nodded thoughtfully. “My answer to that will probably vary,” she told him. “But this is all strictly platonic, yes? Fucking as friends.”
“Definitely,” Vax agreed with a nod. “And it’s just between you and me.”
Pike nodded back. “I’ll never tell anyone or invite them in unless you want me to. Next question: is there anything in particular you don’t want me to do?”
“Um…” Vax seemed to…soften in demeanor. No, soften wasn’t right. It was like he shrank. Pike was starting to get a sense of the kinds of things Vax had done before. “No piss or shit, but anal is…you know, fine. I don’t like ass to mouth. Don’t, um…don’t spit on me. I don’t want anything you can’t heal in a spell or two, but you talked about that already. Most things are okay, honestly, just…I mean, we’ll have to have the longer talk later, I guess.”
“We will,” Pike assured him. “Is there anything you particularly want today, specifically?”
Vax shook his head, and his eyes fluttered shut. “Not really. Just hurt me.” His voice went a little quiet, like he didn’t mean to say it but couldn’t help it, like the need for it was bubbling out of him. Pike stroked his hair, smiling at how he leaned into the touch, needy and starving for it.
“I’ll hurt you, Vax,” she told him. “I just don’t want to harm you.”
The look in his eyes, when he opened them, was surprise, and it made Pike’s heart ache in her chest. What kind of abuse had he taken in order to slake this thirst?
“Now, I’m going to say a few things. And you tell me won’t, will, want, or you don’t know what it is. Understand?”
Vax nodded, licking his lips. He was eager to get started, but he’d cooperate.
“Restraints.”
“Will,” Vax said. “Sometimes want. I’ll never turn them away but sometimes I really want them.”
“Good boy,” she praised, liking the thorough answer. She picked up Vax’s belt and started to bind his hands behind his back with it. She felt the hitch in his breathing, and felt satisfied.
“Hair-pulling.”
Vax licked his lips again, and closed his eyes. “Want.”
Smirking a little, Pike tugged lightly on his hair just to see the reaction. He inhaled, and made a little sound when she did it harder. “Okay. Cutting.”
“W-want.” He cracked one eye open as she came back around to his front. “But I know it’s…a lot.”
“It is,” Pike agreed. “But we’ll see. I won’t offer anything I’m not willing to give you. Humiliation.”
The pause was unusually long. “Want.”
Pike tilted her head. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah,” Vax said. “But maybe…um, maybe…not for the first time?”
Pike nodded. “Of course. We’ll save that for when I’ve earned your trust.”
“I trust you,” he said, almost immediately.
Pike’s smile was soft. “You shouldn’t. Not with this. But I’ll try to be worthy of it. Breath play.”
“Will.”
“No strong feelings about it?”
Vax shook his head. “I mean, I know how to get out of a hold like that if I have to, so it doesn’t feel that dangerous. For better or worse.”
“Good to know. Orgasm denial?”
“Will. Want, some days. Won’t, very occasionally. I’ll probably be able to let you know.”
“Fair enough. Exhibitionism?”
“Ehhh…will, I guess.”
“Fisting?”
Vax visibly shivered. “W-will.”
Pike raised one eyebrow. “Vax…” Her tone was warning.
He shivered again. “Want. Fuck. Want.”
“What made you say will at first?” she asked, stepping close. She ran both hands down his chest, tweaking his nipples as she passed them to make him squirm.
“That sounds like so fucking much,” Vax said, eyes closed again. “I know your hands are small but fuck, Pike. It’s a little scary, thinking about how much I want that.”
Pike nodded. “Okay. We’ll just see how it goes, then, but I would love to make you feel that good once you’ve gotten what you need. Tentatively, I’ll say that’s what we can end with. All right?”
Vax nodded, eyes still shut tight. “Yes. Please.”
Pike kissed him on the cheek. “You’ve been such a good boy, telling me what you want so clearly. I’m so proud of you. It’s not so hard, see?”
Vax laughed breathlessly. “Maybe not now. Different story when we get really going.”
“That’s true,” Pike agreed. “Okay, I won’t make you wait anymore. Stand up, and we can get to my room from here without going through any main hallways.”
Vax remembered with a shock that they were still in a common room in the little tenement the team was renting, and anyone could have come upon him in this state: hard, bound, and on his knees for Pike. He’d been so eager for it, such a slut, that it hadn’t even occurred to him to get somewhere private. The idea burned in his chest, not entirely unpleasantly.
Pike picked up his armor for him and made him walk naked, hard, and tied through the house to get to the room she shared with Keyleth and Percy. Scanlan, Grog, and Tiberius occupied another room, while Vax and his sister shared what was intended as an office. It was by no means room enough for eight people, but they’d be out of the place soon, Vex was hoarding money for it like a damned dragon. Vax knelt again and watched as Pike set down his armor and hung one of his bracers on the doorknob.
Everyone knew what his armor looked like. Vax thought of someone walking by, seeing his clothing on a doorknob that wasn’t his, and knowing what conclusions to draw.
“Now then,” Pike said, standing with her hands behind her back. She was still fully clothed, but she didn’t wear her armor when they were at home, so it was just simple pants, slippers, and a shirt. Enough that Vax could still see the shape of her body underneath.
“Go over to my bed,” she said, nodding to a bedroll in the corner. There were two plus an actual bed, the one in the corner smaller than the other. He walked over awkwardly on his knees, resisting the urge to start picking and pulling at the belt around his wrists. He had no doubt he could get out of it if he wanted, but he had to be good. “Forehead to the blankets, please.”
Vax swallowed hard, and bent over, adjusting his knees to be comfortable as he let his face meet the bed. His ass was up in the air, making him feel exposed and vulnerable. She was doing something he couldn’t quite hear, and he jumped when something touched the front of his knees.
“It’s a pillow, Vax,” he told him softly. “Bruises on your knees are no fun.”
Vax almost didn’t accept it, didn’t know how to handle such a kindness. But he shifted his knees so she could get the pillow under them, taking a breath to try to be calm. He was wound so tight with anticipation, it was making him jumpy.
Pike pronounced the pillow good and backed away while Vax was focusing on his breath, trying to relax. Because he wasn’t looking or listening, it came as a shock when a belt was laid across his ass.
He muffled the sound he made in the bed, jumping a little. A small hand reached out, rubbing the stripe she’d left. “Good?”
Vax nodded vigorously.
“Harder? Softer?”
Vax turned his head to the side so he could be heard. “Harder. Please.”
The next blow drew a satisfied groan out of him, and Pike bit her lip as she gave him more. Red welts were rising across his ass, and she could just see his cock at this angle. He was as hard as ever, dripping a little.
“Can you come just from being hurt?” Pike asked curiously, still hitting him on a steady rhythm.
“I-nnh! I…I…” He couldn’t seem to get words out, cut off every time by the methodical slaps of leather against flesh, but he took a breath and made himself get through it. “Yeah, with enough-ah! ‘Nough time. Takes awhile.”
“Hmm. I’ll keep that in mind.” A soothing hand ran over his back. “You can relax, I won’t make you talk anymore. You’re being a good boy for me.”
The praise made Vax sigh and relax, made the next few swings with the belt a little better. Pike miscalculated though, and one hit him a little low. Right in that crease between ass and the backs of his thighs, right at the level where his balls were, though they were protected by his legs. Vax gasped and couldn’t help spreading his legs, one knee sliding off the pillow.
Pike tilted her head, watching him offer himself up. She ran the belt up between his legs, stroking his cock and balls with it, listening to the shaky moan he gave her.
“Do you want to be hit here?” she asked curiously.
She watched as he shrank again, going red and retreating into his shoulders before nodding slowly, hiding himself in the bed again.
“Oh, Vax,” Pike sighed, running the belt over him again to give him a little pleasure. “The trouble I could get into with you.”
Despite everything happening, he laughed, and Pike spanked him hard to wipe the grin off his face.
She caught him right in the balls, turning his laugh to a cry of pain. The next blow was even better, and the one after that. He was already working hard not to snap his legs closed, fighting that powerful instinct to protect himself. The pain of it made him shake a little, but his cock was still hard.
“It’s so tempting to keep doing that,” Pike commented, reaching between Vax’s thighs to give him a gentle rub. “See how long this lasts, hm?” she said, giving his hard cock a gentle squeeze. Vax let out a desperate moan, the skin hypersensitive from pain, all those nerves woken up and brought to excitement.
But too soon, her hand was taken away, and he could hear the belt hit the ground as she dropped it. “You’ve been a good boy so far,” she told him, gently rubbing his welted ass. “I’m going to let your hands out, and you’re going to turn over and lay on your back for me, ass on the pillow,” she instructed. “And then we’ll see about getting your hands tied again, if you still want that.”
“I do,” Vax said, and waited patiently for the belt to come away from his wrists. He flexed his hands a few times, making sure the circulation was okay, then shifted over onto his back, wincing when his abused ass made contact with the pillow. His head was laying on the piled bedding, so the surface under him was at least soft. He glanced down and spotted the dark red color where she’d hit him, from abuse and from arousal. Vax swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling again, reaching his hands over his head.
After some deliberation, Pike just tied his wrists together and dropped a pillow over them, to help Vax remember they should stay there. She stood over him and bent down to run a hand over his chest again, watching his face as her fingers tripped across a nipple. There was a little flicker, and more of one when she pinched. She grinned wide.
“I’ll be right back,” she promised, cupping his face gently for a moment, then stood up. Vax kept his eyes on the ceiling, hearing her rummaging through what sounded like a jewelry box, and closed them when he heard her returning to him. He didn’t want to know what she was planning.
“Take a deep breath,” she said, and Vax obeyed. He felt her fingers on his nipple again, then a sharp pinch. He opened his eyes and looked down to see a hairpin, the kind shaped like a V, that had been slid onto his nipple, pinching it tightly. It hurt, and he moaned as he let his head fall back, feeling his cock twitch.
“Good boy,” Pike praised. “Same thing again.” The other nipple got its own pin, making Vax squirm and want to cover his face. She slapped both of them lightly at the same time, making Vax twitch and whine. He wasn’t too proud to admit that he had definitely whined.
“Keep breathing, sweet boy,” Pike said, picking something up from the side and sitting down on his abdomen, straddling his body. “If you’re losing it now, you’re going to have nothing left in a few minutes.”
Vax closed his eyes again and swallowed hard as he felt several cool, thin objects be laid out on his ribcage. Tools, no doubt, like what a torturer might use for their work. Not the worst comparison right now, probably, and his musings distracted him enough that he didn’t notice that one had been picked up until there was a burning pinch.
The pins clamped behind his nipples hurt, but they were also restricting blood flow, making them sensitive and forcing them to stay hard and stand out. As warmth welled up around it, Vax realized that Pike had a needle, and she was pushing it into his flesh.
The slightest twist and Vax was crying out in pain, arching his back. He could feel blood beading and running in a trail toward the middle of his chest. He could feel the metal tearing into his flesh, only a quarter of an inch, but enough to make him feel invaded, overwhelmed, violated in the best way. Then it withdrew, pulling a gutteral sound out of Vax, and he cried out again, feeling bereft and empty. If the presence of the thing had been oppressive, its absence was even more so.
She did the same to the other side, and all Vax could manage was a desperate whine. “How are you feeling, Vax?” Pike asked, tone soft.
“Good,” he moaned out, then growled in frustration. “Not good, fucking hurts, but I want it so bad, don’t fucking stop, please, it hurts so fucking good.”
“I won’t stop,” she assured him, pushing the needle in a little harder to hear him cry out again, then pulled it out and stabbed from a new angle. “I’m going to make these a bloody ruin. Then I’m going to make you come, if you haven’t yet, and then I’ll heal you up good as new. Okay, Vax?”
He nodded desperately. “Please please please, please, it-ahh!” Without withdrawing the first needle, she’d driven a second into his other nipple.
“Good boy,” she praised, even over his shouting.
Her tools turned out to be simple sewing needles, and she kept her promise: within minutes, Vax’s nipples were both cut and stabbed to shit. The pain was incredible, exquisite, wiping everything else from his mind just the way he wanted. What finally broke him, though, was when she took the hairpins off and let blood flow back in.
The sudden rush of it brought an intense wave of pain, and before Vax really had time to process it, he was crying, inhaling shaky breaths as tears flowed down his temples. He tried to regulate his breathing, control himself, but Pike had reached out to pet his hair, soothing him.
“That’s right, sweet boy,” she was whispering. “That’s right, let it out, it’s okay. I’m here, you’re safe. Let it out. Good boy. You’re okay. That’s right. Good boy.”
Without thinking about it, he reached up, clutching at Pike’s forearm where she was petting his hair. It took him a minute to even realize what had happened, and hey, hadn’t his wrists been tied?
“Oh shit,” he mumbled. Slippery rogue he was, he’d wiggled free of the rope without even thinking about it.
“Oh,” Pike said, looking at his hand in surprise. “I didn’t think of that, huh?”
“Pike, I’m so sorry,” Vax said, earnest and desperate through his tears. “Please believe me, I didn’t mean-“
“Shhhh.” Pike went back to petting his hair. “It’s okay, I’m not mad, it’s okay. It’s my fault, I should know to use better knots on a rogue. It’s okay, I’m not upset.” She gathered his head to her chest, letting him cry into the soft fabric of her shirt and not caring that he was getting blood on her. Vax just accepted it because he didn’t have the brainpower to do anything other than what she said at this point.
Vax was still sobbing when Pike stroked his hair and bent her head, so she could whisper in his ear. “You’ve been a good boy and earned a reward. Do you want me to make you come?”
Vax needed to take a deep breath first, but he managed to shake his head.
“No?” Pike asked, wanting to confirm. Communicating was obviously hard for him.
Vax shook his head again. “I’m…” He sniffled. “‘Mgood. Don’ need it.”
“Okay,” Pike said, nodding and petting his hair some more. “How about we just sit right here for a little while, then? And you let me know when you’re ready for me to heal you.”
He nodded, sniffling again. “‘Kay.”
Pike shifted so the position was more comfortable for Vax, didn’t have his back bent so much, and cradled his head against her chest and shoulder to let him wear himself out. There was a little niggling worry in the back of her head, the unshakable feeling of wondering if she might have gone too far. But most of her was sure that she hadn’t, that these tears were the catharsis Vax had been looking for. He wasn’t trying to get away or hide from her, after all: his arms were around her waist, bundling her close into his lap, and his face was buried deep into the crook between her neck and shoulder. Most importantly, there was a looseness to him that she associated with a job well done. Somehow both pain-stiff and languid, he wasn’t carrying himself like someone who’d been betrayed, nor left unfulfilled. She’d get her reassurance that it had been good for him soon, there was no need to worry about it yet.
After a little bit, his sobs slowed to hiccups, then shaky breaths, then calm breaths. Pike was starting to wonder if Vax had fallen asleep when he squirmed a little and lifted his head.
“Um, can we…could…”
Pike stroked his hair gently. “It’s okay, Vax. You can say whatever you need to say.”
He nodded and looked down. “Um, I’m ready for you to…you know, but, uh, I don’t want to…”
“You’re ready to be healed?” Pike asked.
Vax nodded, so Pike nodded back and moved her hands to his chest, careful to only touch around them as she cast a cure spell on him. He went a little slack as it fixed him up to being just fine.
“Okay. What’s the thing you don’t want?” she asked patiently.
“You to…go away.” Vax was looking awkward.
“Oh, sweet boy,” she said with a smile, cupping Vax’s face and bringing him down to kiss his forehead. “I won’t leave you alone until you specifically tell me you’re ready for that. You don’t have to worry, okay? But I do think we should go get you some clothes that aren’t your armor, and we can cuddle in your bed for awhile, okay? I don’t think we’ll fit in mine.”
Vax nodded, and the relief on his face made Pike’s heart ache. She sighed, drawing a line with her finger over one of his eyebrows.
“Some people have treated you bad for this in the past, huh?” she asked softly.
Vax shrugged, looking uncomfortable again. “Treated bad’s what I want.”
Pike sighed again and shook her head, looking up at him with nothing but sympathy on her face. “Oh, Vax. We’ve got so much to talk about.”