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Fluixon had always hated the word platonic.
Not for any big dramatic reason, really. He just thought it was the most annoying word in the entire dictionary.
Like, c’mon. How was it fair that people could glance over at him and Saparata, shoulder to shoulder, sharing one pair of earphones, laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe over something stupid, and go, "Aww, what great friends."
Great friends. Sure. That was exactly what Flux was, all right. Totally normal friend-level obsessed.
Even worse? Saps never batted an eye at any of it. Flux had no clue if that was because he was totally clueless or if he knew and was just being polite, and honestly? Both options made him want to slam his head on his desk.
Said desk was currently covered in a worksheet Flux had been staring at for ten whole minutes without writing a single thing.
"Bro."
Something hard flicked right between his eyes.
"Ow, what the hell?" Flux jolted upright, rubbing his forehead.
Saps was leaning back in his chair like he hadn’t just committed assault, his own paper half full of answers already. "You’ve been glued to question one like it owes you money."
"I’m thinking."
"You’re doing absolutely nothing is what you’re doing."
Flux gasped so loud a couple people turned to look. "Wow. Rude. I’m wounded."
"Good, maybe it’ll knock some sense into you." Saps grinned, and Flux had to physically stop his face from going bright red.
There it was again. That stupid, gut-twisting feeling he couldn’t shake no matter how hard he tried. One smile, one dumb joke, one little tilt of the head, and Flux was done for. Pathetic.
He shifted his gaze fast before he could make it even more obvious. "You gonna let me copy or what?"
"You say copy, but you mean 'very respectfully reference my hard work' right?"
"Obviously."
Saps snorted and slid his paper right over anyway. Flux tried really hard to look at the answers and not at Saps’ hands resting on the edge of the desk. He failed. Obviously.
God, he needed to get over this. Bad.
They’d known each other forever. Scraped knees on the same playground, cheap popsicles they’d split even when it melted all over their hands, those braided friendship bracelets they made in fourth grade that Flux still kept tucked in the back of his drawer even though the string was faded and falling apart.
Flux knew everything about Saps. He knew he’d pick off every piece of tomato unless it was melted on pizza. Knew he went dead quiet instead of yelling when he was actually hurt. Knew he tapped his fingers in this little specific rhythm when he was working something out in his head. Knew exactly which smile was real and which one was just for show.
Maybe that was the problem. He knew too much, and somewhere along the way, he’d crossed a line he couldn’t walk back over.
He couldn’t even pin down when it happened. Maybe it was their first year of high school when Saps fell asleep on his shoulder during a terrible horror movie and Flux laid there frozen for three hours too scared to move, his heart hammering so loud he was sure Saps could hear it. Maybe it was when Flux’s grandfather passed away and Saps just showed up at his door without saying anything, pulled him into a hug, and mumbled "I’m right here" so quiet it almost made him cry.
Or maybe it had always been there, waiting for Flux to figure out what it even meant.
"Flux."
"Hmm?"
"You’re staring again." Saps narrowed his eyes at him. "You feeling sick or something?"
"No? Why would you say that?"
"Because you’re being weird. Even weirder than usual."
Flux’s stomach dropped. Oh no. Had he been that obvious already? "I’m always weird. That’s just my brand."
"Your brand is usually funny weird. This is 'thinking too hard about something' weird."
"Ouch. Okay, I see how it is."
Saps laughed under his breath, and despite every single messy feeling twisting him up inside, Flux found himself smiling too. That was the worst part of all, no matter how much this hurt, no matter how scared he was, Saps was still the easiest person in the world to be around.
Lunch rolled around and Sidefall decided to ruin everyone’s day with one dumb question.
"Okay okay, listen up. If you had to date someone from this group right now, who would you pick?"
Flux choked on his iced tea so hard he thought he might actually die. Thomas patted his back way too hard. "You good there? You look like you’re fighting for your life."
"I’m fine. Just swallowed wrong."
Saps was watching him from across the table, grinning like he knew something Flux didn’t. "That was a very dramatic reaction."
"Shut up."
"Answer the question then," Cynikka said, leaning forward like she was about to get the tea of the century.
"Pass."
"You can’t pass! That’s against the rules!" Cass yelled.
"Since when are there rules? I’m passing. Next question."
Flux leaned back in his chair and groaned. This was just straight up torture. Actual psychological warfare. And Saps was just sitting there looking all calm and relaxed like he wasn’t the only answer Flux had in his head. Traitor.
"Fine, whatever," Cynikka huffed. "Your turn Saps. Who would you pick?"
Flux froze mid-sip of his drink. Suddenly the label on the bottle was the most interesting thing in the whole world. He didn’t care. He definitely didn’t care at all. Nope. Not one bit.
Saps thought for like two whole seconds. "Probably Flux."
Flux dropped his soda can. It hit the table with a loud bang and rolled right off onto the floor.
The whole table lost their minds.
"OH?!"
"I KNEW IT!"
"BRO LOOK AT HIS FACE HE’S SO RED!"
Flux wanted to crawl under the table and never come back out. "Can everyone calm down please?"
Saps looked just as confused as everyone else was loud. "What? I just mean we already know everything about each other, that’s all. It’d be easy."
"Mhmm. Sure, that’s why," Thomas said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Totally just 'easy'."
"Y’all are never letting this go are you?" Flux muttered.
"Not in a million years," Sidefall told him.
Saps leaned in a little, voice dropping so only Flux could hear. "You okay though? You went all quiet."
And that was the thing about Saps. He never picked up on the big obvious thing, but he picked up on everything else. If Flux’s mood shifted even a tiny bit, if he smiled just a little too tight, if he went quiet when he usually wouldn’t, Saps noticed every single time.
"Mhm. All good," Flux said, and he hated how much he wished he could just say what he actually meant.
It poured on their walk home later. Not a crazy storm, just that soft steady rain that makes the streetlights glow all golden and makes everything smell like wet pavement. They were squished under one tiny umbrella like they always were, their shoulders bumping every time they took a step. Flux was trying very hard not to think about how close they were, and failing miserably.
"So," Saps started after a minute, "you really couldn’t pick anyone earlier?"
Flux blinked. "What d’you mean?"
"Back at lunch. When they asked you."
Oh. Right. His stupid heart decided to start acting up again immediately. "Uh. I just… didn’t wanna pick anyone."
"You hesitated before you said that."
"I did not."
"You absolutely did. Like three whole seconds of hesitation."
Flux sighed so loud it came out as a laugh. "Maybe I just care about not making things weird."
"Liar. You’re terrible at lying."
"Wow, okay, thanks for the vote of confidence." Flux almost laughed at the irony of it all. If only Saps knew. If only he knew Flux had been lying for years, every casual "bro", every playful shove, every time he said "you mean a lot man" like it didn’t hurt to hold back the rest of that sentence.
"You’re doing that face again," Saps said, nudging his arm.
"What face?"
"The one where you look like you’re figuring out the secrets of the universe. Or like you need to use the bathroom. I can never tell which one."
Flux gasped. "I do not look like that! And I always look smart thank you very much."
"Sure you do. And I’m the student body president."
Saps burst out laughing, and Flux just looked at him for a second too long. The rain was making his hair all messy, and there was this little smile still tugging at his lips, and suddenly everything felt quiet and close and way too much.
Saps caught him staring. Their eyes met, and for a second Flux forgot how to breathe properly. Then Saps smiled, soft, quiet, like it was just for him, and Flux looked away fast before he could do something stupid like say everything out loud right there in the rain.
Nope. Not tonight. Not when he was already hanging on by a thread as it was.
By 2 AM Flux decided he was officially the most pathetic person alive. He was laying in bed grinning like an idiot at old texts between him and Saps like he had absolutely zero dignity left.
"Get a grip man," he mumbled to his phone screen.
Then it buzzed.
Saps: u awake?
Flux stared at it for five whole seconds before typing back.
Flux: unfortunately
Saps: same. cant sleep
Flux: skill issue tbh
Saps: wow rude. here i was being all nice and coming to you
Flux smiled before he could stop himself.
Saps: wanna call?
And there it was. The exact reason he’d never get over this. No matter how much he tried to pull back, no matter how hard he tried to act like he only cared as much as a friend would, Saps always pulled him right back in. Always.
Flux: yeah sure
It picked up almost instantly.
"Hey," Saps mumbled, his voice all thick and sleepy like he’d been half-asleep already.
"Hi. You sound like garbage."
"Wow thanks. You sound like someone who’s also been staring at his ceiling for three hours."
"Guilty. Why’re you up anyway?"
"Just… thinking too much about stuff."
"Very descriptive. I’m learning so much about you right now."
Saps huffed a quiet laugh on the other end. "Shut up. You know what I mean."
They fell quiet after that, the kind of quiet that didn’t feel awkward or empty at all, just the kind you only get when you’ve known someone long enough that you don’t always have to fill the space. Flux stared up at the shadows on his ceiling.
"Y’know," Saps said after a while, really quiet like he was talking mostly to himself, "sometimes I think we’re way too attached to each other."
Flux’s heart skipped a beat. "Too attached? That sounds like a bad thing."
"It’s not. I just… I don’t really know what I’d do if you weren’t around anymore."
Flux stopped breathing for a second. Moments like this, they made hope bubble up in his chest so fast it almost hurt, made him think maybe just maybe.
But then he’d remember who he was talking to. This was Saps. This was just how he was. He cared hard and he said things like that without even thinking about how they sounded. He didn’t mean it the way Flux wanted him to. He couldn’t.
So Flux laughed, light and fake enough that he hoped Saps couldn’t tell. "You’d be fine. You’d survive."
"Maybe. But I’d complain about it the whole time."
"Obviously. You’re dramatic like that."
"Only for you."
Flux squeezed his eyes shut. God. That was the problem. Saps said things like that so easily, no clue that Flux would be replaying every single word until the sun came up.
By Friday Flux decided he needed to get a grip and put some distance between them. Easier said than done when Saps seemed to be everywhere he went. Waiting by his locker every morning. Showing up at his house to walk him to class. Plopping down right next to him no matter how many empty seats there were. Leaning his whole weight against Flux’s shoulder during club meetings like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Hey," Saps said when Flux finally got to his locker after class, "you bailed on lunch yesterday. Where’d you go?"
"Just needed some fresh air."
Saps raised an eyebrow. "You hate being outside when it’s this hot."
"Okay rude. I can like things sometimes."
"Sure you can. You okay though? You’ve been off lately."
There it was again. That same question, that same little furrow between his eyebrows. Flux could tell him everything right now. He could just say it. But what if he ruined the only good thing he had? What if this was all he ever got to have of Saps, and he threw it away?
"I’m fine, promise. Just tired."
Saps didn’t look convinced. He reached out and nudged Flux’s arm gently. "If you say so. But y’know you can tell me stuff right? Even the stupid stuff."
Flux’s chest felt tight all of a sudden. "Yeah. I know."
"Good. Because you make me worry way more than you should."
Flux laughed before he could stop himself, and Saps lit up like that was exactly what he’d been going for. Flux noticed that too, how Saps always looked just a little relieved whenever he got Flux to smile or laugh. He noticed everything, really. Every little thing Saps did, every little thing he said.
Maybe that was why it hurt so much. Loving someone who knew every single part of you, but still had no clue about the biggest part of all.
Sometimes they’d have movie nights and Saps would fall asleep leaning on him, warm and heavy and trusting, and Flux would just sit there awake for hours wondering how people even survived feeling this much about someone. Sometimes Saps would grab his wrist without even thinking just to pull him one way or another across the street. Sometimes he’d steal Flux’s hoodie and wear it for three days straight before giving it back all soft and smelling like him. Sometimes he’d look at Flux with this look that made Flux’s heart race so fast he thought it might give out, and then Flux would have to remind himself that’s just how Saps is with everyone.
"You’re staring at him again," Cynikka whispered loud enough for only him to hear later that day in the cafeteria.
Flux almost hit his head on the table. "I am not."
"You are. And you look like you’re about to cry it’s so obvious."
Across the room Saps threw his head back laughing at something Cass said, and Flux looked away so fast his neck hurt. "Can y’all stop? Please? I’m begging."
"Bro it’s been months," Sidefall said around a mouthful of sandwich. "You stopped being subtle like… ages ago. We all know."
"Know what? Nothing’s going on. There’s nothing to know."
"Then go tell him how you feel," Thomas said like it was the easiest thing in the world.
"I’d rather eat my own shoe."
"You’re so dramatic."
"I’m realistic okay? If I mess this up I lose him. That’s it. End of story. He’s not just some guy I have a crush on. He’s… he’s Saps. He’s everything."
That night Saps showed up at his door at like 8 PM holding a plastic bag like he lived there. Flux stared at him in confusion. "What are you doing here? My mom didn’t tell me you were coming over."
"She didn’t have to. She said you skipped dinner so I brought you something."
Flux blinked. "You walked all the way here just because I missed one meal?"
"Uh yeah? You get all grumpy and quiet when you don’t eat enough. C’mon move, it’s hot out here." Saps walked right past him like he owned the place and headed straight for the kitchen.
Flux just stood there for a second staring at his back. You love me. That’s what Saps always joked. And Flux did. So much it hurt. But Saps said it like it was just a joke, like it was just friend stuff, and Flux had to pretend it was too.
"You gonna stand there all night or are you gonna eat?" Saps called out.
Flux dragged himself into the kitchen. "You’re so weird. Who does that?"
"Someone who cares about their best friend. Duh." Saps pulled out the food and pushed it toward him, and Flux sat down feeling like his chest was full of something he couldn’t get out.
He was done for. So incredibly done.
The thing that changed everything happened on a Thursday. They were at Saps’ place studying for a test they both definitely should’ve started on earlier, and at some point Flux just passed out sitting up against the wall.
When he woke up the room was dark except for the little lamp on Saps’ desk. His head was in Saps’ lap, and Saps was just sitting there quietly, running his fingers through Flux’s hair like he had no idea Flux was awake already.
Flux froze. He didn’t move an inch.
Then Saps sighed, really quiet. "You’re gonna be the death of me you know that?"
Flux held his breath.
"I wish you’d stop looking at me like I hung the moon and stars or something," Saps mumbled, so quiet Flux almost thought he imagined it. "Makes it way too hard not to say something stupid I’ll probably regret."
Wait. What?
Before Flux could even process that, Saps stilled. He’d felt Flux shift. Their eyes met in the dim light and Saps looked like he’d just been caught doing something terrible.
"Oh. You’re awake."
Flux sat up slowly, his head spinning. "Saps… what were you saying just now?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all. We can just pretend you never heard any of that okay?" Saps was already scrambling to explain himself, face turning pink.
"You were playing with my hair and talking about how much of a handful I am. That’s not nothing."
"I panicked okay? I didn’t know what I was doing."
"Panicked into saying I make it hard for you not to say stupid stuff?" Flux’s heart was beating so hard he could hear it in his ears. "What kind of stupid stuff?"
Saps groaned and dropped his face into his hands. "Can we please just never speak of this again? I’m already dying of embarrassment."
"No way. Not a chance." Flux waited a second, then asked as gentle as he could, "Do you… do you like me? Like more than a friend?"
It went quiet for so long Flux started to think he’d messed up everything already. Then Saps looked up, all nervous and wide-eyed, and nodded.
"Yeah. Yeah I do. Have for ages actually." He let out a shaky little laugh. "God saying that out loud is so much worse than I thought it’d be."
Flux just stared at him. All this time. All those years of worrying, of lying awake, of telling himself he was crazy for wanting something more, and Saps had been right there feeling exactly the same way.
"I thought you never would," Saps said quietly, picking at a loose thread on his sweatpants. "I thought if I said anything you’d get weirded out and stop talking to me. Thomas kept calling me an idiot for not noticing you felt the same though."
Flux barked out a laugh. Of course Thomas did. "I thought the exact same thing! I was so scared I’d ruin us if I said anything."
"We’re so stupid. Like actually so stupid."
"Certified idiots," Flux agreed. He took a deep breath, then said it all in one rush before he could chicken out. "I like you too. A lot. Like… I’ve been in love with you for years kind of a lot."
Saps just stared at him for a second like he hadn’t heard right. Then his face broke into this huge, relieved smile. "Oh thank god. I thought I was gonna have to move towns or something."
Before Flux could overthink it he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Saps, and Saps pulled him right in like he’d been waiting just as long. It felt so easy. So right. Like it was always supposed to be this way.
"Can I kiss you?" Saps asked when they pulled back a little.
Flux grinned. "Took you long enough. Thought you’d never ask."
Saps laughed and leaned in slow, and when their lips met it wasn’t some big crazy movie moment. It just felt like home. Like something they’d both been waiting for forever.
When they pulled apart Saps laced their fingers together like it was the most natural thing in the world. "We really wasted so much time being scared huh?"
"Total waste," Flux agreed, squeezing his hand. "But hey. We’re here now right?"
"Yeah," Saps said softly, smiling at him like Flux was the best thing he’d ever found. "We are."
They managed to keep it a secret for exactly three whole days. Which was honestly impressive, all things considered.
According to Thomas anyway. "Three days! That’s longer than I thought it’d take honestly. You guys are about as subtle as a fire alarm."
Flux blamed Saps one hundred percent. Because the second Saps realized he was allowed to be all affectionate and soft like he’d clearly wanted to be forever, he went absolutely overboard. Not that Flux was complaining. But still.
Like right now, they were sitting at their usual table before everyone else showed up, and Saps was just staring at him with that dumb soft look on his face again.
"You’re doing it again," Flux said without looking up from his phone.
"Doing what?"
"Staring. It’s weird."
"I can’t help it. You look really good today."
Flux felt his face heat up. "You saw me this morning when I rolled out of bed. Don’t lie."
"Even then. Especially then actually." Saps reached over and fixed the collar of Flux’s hoodie that was all crooked, his fingers brushing against Flux’s neck just enough to make him shiver.
"You’re smiling again," Saps teased.
"Shut up. You’re the one doing all this."
"Never."
Just then their friends started piling in. They stopped dead the second they saw them. Total silence.
Then Cass gasped so loud people turned around from other tables. "Wait a second. What is going on here?"
"What? Nothing’s going on." Flux tried way too hard to sound normal.
"Bull. You look way too happy. And Saps looks like he won the lottery," Thomas said, narrowing his eyes. "Spit it out."
Before Flux could even think of a lie Cass’ eyes went wide and she pointed down at their hands under the table where Saps had grabbed Flux’s without him even noticing. "OH MY GOD. YOU’RE HOLDING HANDS!"
Chaos erupted immediately.
"I KNEW IT! I CALLED IT LIKE MONTHS AGO!" Thomas yelled so loud the whole cafeteria looked over. Flux wanted to disappear right there into the floor.
"Y’all are actually together?" Sidefall asked, looking like he was about to cry or something.
"Maybe?" Saps said, grinning like he had no shame at all.
"MAYBE?!" Cynikka yelled. "You’re holding hands and looking at each other like that and you say maybe?!"
Flux buried his face in his hands. "Okay okay fine we’re together! Happy now?"
"Happy? We’re victorious! We’ve been waiting for this forever!" Cass yelled. "Who asked who first? Come on tell us everything."
"Saps did. Well… sort of. He mumbled all this stuff while he thought I was asleep and then panicked when I woke up," Flux said, and Saps kicked him gently under the table.
"And then you admitted you’ve been in love with me for years! Don’t act like you’re all innocent here."
"YOU SAID YOU’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR YEARS?!"
"I hate every single one of you," Flux mumbled into his hands, but he was smiling so hard it was hard to keep his face hidden.
"Nah you don’t," Saps said quietly, leaning over to bump his shoulder against Flux’s. "You love me."
Flux looked up at him, at the way the sun coming through the window lit up his face, at how he was holding Flux’s hand even tighter now like he wanted everyone to know.
"Yeah," Flux said, soft enough only Saps could hear it. "Yeah I do. A whole lot actually."