Chapter Text
The smoke had left his lungs as he passed the cigarette to the person standing right next to him, he didn’t care enough to know their name. Or where that cigarette had come from. He didn’t know how he had ended up there either, at a party, with no one to talk to or nothing to do besides smoking and trying to get so wasted that he couldn’t even remember who he was.
It must’ve been past 5:30 in the morning when Armin finally called him to drag him out of the party, Eren immediately tried to cover up that he was drunk, again. Even though he knew it wasn’t worth it, Armin would’ve guessed it anyway.
“Eren, come on, I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Mikasa’s starting to become a nervous wreck again.”
Turns out he was found at a party five blocks away from Connie's childhood house. He remembered Mikasa screaming at him and crying, scared out of her mind and Armin… Armin, who was looking at Eren as if he didn’t recognise him, the same way that you watch a stranger do something wrong. That look made him sick.
Somehow, both of their friends managed to get him to his room. He woke up late, with a severe headache and the feeling that he crossed the line this time. He should go and apologize to Mikasa.
He got out of bed and walked down the stairs, led by the unfamiliar good smell from the common kitchens, hoping he wouldn’t run into Armin.
“Hey Eren, what’s up man?” Reiner extended his hand to him and clapped him on the shoulder.
“You had a great night yesterday, huh” And that was Ymir, a pain in the ass if you ask Eren,. She’s even more annoying when he is high and she has nothing better to do than making fun of him in front of her lovely and beloved Historia. Sucker.
“Reiner, leave me some of whatever you are doing.” He started looking in the upper cabinets to find some medicine to end that endless and nauseous headache. He closed them once he found it as he looked at Ymir “And you, shut the fuck up.”
“Huh, the little bitch is using his mouth for something more than drinking. Impressive.” After that, Ymir went to her room as if nothing happened with a huge bag of food. Probably for Historia and her, they never share with them the meals.
Finally, Eren reached out his phone for the first time in what seemed like a million years as he threw himself on the couch. He had 17 missed-calls from Mikasa from last night along with a bunch of endless texts from her trying to get him out of the party because she couldn’t get into it.
He was going to send her his usual long text saying sorry, thanks for worrying and that he’s trying really hard. Nevertheless, he noticed one single missed-call from Armin from an hour ago and a cold message from him saying: Call me.
“Shit, Reiner, do you have any idea of where Armin is?”
“No, I haven’t seen him since he left for class”
Fuck, fuck and fuck.
He rushed out of the house while dialing Armin’s number. He knew Armin wasn’t a dangerous type, but every time they had ‘the talk’ it led to Eren going back to rehab and having to lie to his parents all over again. Therefore, the cycle would start and he, somehow, ends up with Mikasa on his bed- don’t ask him how. So yes, he doesn’t want to go to rehab.
“There you are.”
“Hey Armin” he stopped and thought that he should probably stay cool and act like nothing happened. If he’s lucky enough Armin will let him pass this one. “What do you need?”.
A tense silence grew on their phone lines, as the clock ticked by, Eren was almost capable of seeing the disappointed face Armin was making.
“It isn’t that big of a deal Armin, I swear, I didn’t even-”
“Shut up. Are you at home?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in five” And he hangs up the phone. Eren knows he’s in serious trouble now.
Every single time Armin used that sentence the memories started to appear in his head crystal clear. Back when he was thirteen and alone in his room as the loud speaker pounded into his chest with the horrific music that his half-brother loved. He was trying to comprehend the strange and twisted rules from that stupid game that Armin discovered, Dungeons and Dragons or something like that.
He got so frustrated he left the room screaming at Zeke, saying that he should lower down the music because it was horrible and that he was trying to do homework. What he didn’t know is that he would find his own brother drunk and with a blunt in his hand.
“Hey there little Eren. Guys, this is my recently discovered half brother. Wait, what are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be at Carla’s by eight?” And then, he took a puff of the blunt and passed it to another friend.
“She didn’t text me, so I guessed you would take care of me. Besides, you should not be drinking or smoking, you know that is going to damage your brain cells forever?” At least Armin’s science facts always made his argument stronger. “You do not look cool, you look like an asshole trying to be cool in front of his friends. Now, turn down the music and I won’t call Dad”
“How about I give you a drag and you shut up for a little bit? I promise you, it isn’t that bad, it just, i don’t know, gets you high? I guess?” And he started laughing with his friends as it was the funniest shit in the world.
What happened next was awful, he didn’t want to smoke or drink, but the severe pressure caused by his group of friends, led him to take a little sip at first. Secondly a shot, and by the time it was midnight, he was holding half of a new blunt. He had smoked the other half.
At first he found it awful and disgusting, as expected, but as the effects started he was getting into it. His mind was almost empty, only with one single and disturbing thought, Mikasa Ackerman.
He was replaying all over again all the moments he had with her over the years, their parents were close friends, so they’ve always been together. But he didn’t quite understand why Mikasa was occupying all his thoughts. Although he wasn’t complaining at all.
When someone touched his shoulder he regained consciousness, he had been standing outside like an idiot staring at the ground for too long.
“Armin I-.”
“I know, Eren, I know, let’s go inside.”
Once they got upstairs to their shared room, Eren couldn’t help but notice that Armin was checking his movements and pupils to know if he was or not high. With a deep sigh Eren threw himself onto Armin’s perfectly made bed, covering his eyes with his arm.
“I’m not high or anything, drop that.”
“Eren, I was only trying to figure out if you got into another fight. Do you need something?"
"I'm fine, do your annoying little talk already, I have to speak to Mikasa.” He didn't have the guts to look at Armin as he said that. He knows how hard Armin tries and tries to get him out of that hole where he's burning himself. He has no right to treat him that way.
Still, it's the only way to push him away.
“I can't believe this, you're killing yourself. Who knows what you would've done if I didn't get you out of there! This isn't a joke anymore, Mikasa was having a panic attack, I spent 80 dollars on a ticket to get into the party for you to say you didn't even know who I was. And now, even after all this, you're treating it like it's fine, we can't keep up with this.”
"Armin please, I have such a hangover, give me that speech later and hand me some more water." Was it true that Eren didn’t even recognise Armin? His own best friend since kindergarten?
“You're an asshole" And he left the room.
He wasn't coming back, that's for sure.
So instead of thinking about this scene, he reaches out to Mikasa and lets her know that he's doing good and everything's okay. Even though, if he had to choose, he would've preferred if Mikasa didn't find out about his relapse.
Hey Mikasa, I'm sorry about last night, lately I've been thinking and worrying too much about everything and just needed a bit of space, sorry if I bothered you. Give me a call.
He normally specifies way more than that, but he can't focus on anything but Armin. What are they going to do? Is he going to throw away years of friendship because of the party? Is he going to tell Mikasa the truth? Is he going to speak to Grisha again?
As those thoughts flooded Eren's mind, he decided to get the keys of his car and drive to his favorite place to avoid thinking about this stuff.
Zeke 's house.