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Some might think Zhong Chenle lives a fairly easy life.
He is a senior year business major and Captain of the Basketball Team at NCIT, one of Korea's Top universities.
They seem to think that Zhong Chenle has absolutely no problems in his life.
Social butterfly by nature but disciplined enough to manage to go out every Friday in his junior year and absolutely demolish the curve by Monday
And enough of a health junkie to not like drinking, smoking or any other kind of substances.
Zhong Chenle was loud, athletic, charismatic and worst of all; disgustingly rich.
As if that was not enough, Chenle's countless blessings extended to his social circle as well, having been acquainted with his now childhood best friend at just five years old in a prestigious overseas institute, where they bonded over being the only two Asian kids in their grade which had a total of 10 children.
Their parents were delighted at the bond and as both the children grew up it was only natural for them to still be together, both sets of parents miraculously understanding the importance of the children's bond, specially since Chenle was an only child.
That's how Chenle's best friend started being invited to family vacations at least once a year and Chenle was invited regularly to his.
Both even choosing to assist to the same high-school.
The years passed by and in the blink of an eye both teenage boys were graduating, as if it was the norm they had applied to the same Universities and had both gotten accepted into their top one.
Moving in together had been a no-brainer for them after their first year of college and that is how they both ended up purchasing a three bedroom penthouse ten minutes away from the campus.
They still resided there now that Chenle is twenty–two years old in his senior year, living with his best friend and their dog Daegal who Chenle treats like his little princess.
By all means this sounds like a fairly uncomplicated life.
No problem seems too burdensome when one's got the means and the support system that Zhong Chenle does.
Then, what is Zhong Chenle doing?
Why is he here at Jeno Lee's well kept student dorm on a random Tuesday at five in the afternoon? If not because he has a problem.
And what problem does he have that he hopes Jeno is better at solving than himself? Jeno is baffled at the question as it runs through his mind, letting Chenle in and taking the chair from his desk and offering it to Chenle to sit on.
Chenle looks troubled, greatly so.
Dark circles below his eyes and blonde dyed hair unkempt, as if he had been running his hands through it repeatedly.
His right leg bouncing constantly at a too fast imaginary rhythm and eyes looking everywhere.
Jeno begins to worry as he gives Chenle a water bottle from the mini fridge Chenle himself had gifted him, showing up with it one hot summer afternoon two years ago after Jeno had complained about not having cold water.
Chenle takes off the cap from the bottle and takes a long uninterrupted sip.
"Dude" Jeno's curiosity gets the better of him "What's wrong?" He asks, going straight to the point.
"I have a problem" He says, looking at the pictures on Jeno's desk.
Jeno's eyes follow Chenle's own, finding them focused on a particular picture.
It shows both of them alongside the rest of their friend group, specifically a year ago.
It was the year Chenle became captain of the Basketball team and they had won the national championship.
The picture had been shot at the after party, on it a smiling Chenle holds his brand new trophy, one of Jeno's hands was placed around his boyfriend's waist, Renjun smiled at the camera standing next to Jaemin and Donghyuck.
The Chenle in the picture held the trophy with both hands and was smiling warmly, not a the camera nor the trophy but at a boy beside him who seemed to be around the same age as Chenle despite being visibly taller than him, the boy had heart shaped lips, he wore a pair of thick black rimmed glasses and was smiling as well, looking at Chenle.
"What's the issue man?" Jeno's question was genuine, he couldn't think of a single thing that could be possibly bothering his friend right now.
Classes had not even started for the first semester of the year and he had texted Jeno about how amazing his winter break had been and how he had a great of a time he had in Mykonos with his best friend's family.
"I just, feel like I'm going insane I genuinely keep thinking about him incessantly, no matter what I'm doing. It's been like this for months ever since he started" He states almost cryptically.
"Calm down a bit", He says worriedly "have some more water"
Jeno wonders what exactly is happening for Chenle to be talking about a crush at five in the afternoon on a Tuesday, until his mind clocks the exact word
“Him? Who is this about?" He asks cautiously.
Chenle 'did not do dating' and that was a fact that Jeno had learned accidentally pretty early on their friendship, right after he met Chenle almost four years ago.
The latter had simply stated those exact words after a girl had tried to hit on him unsuccessfully at a party they were at and Jeno as curious as ever had decided to ask him about it.
After that Jeno had never once questioned why exactly, having assumed it was one of those things that simply made sense to Chenle, so it had never even crossed his mind to ever ask which gender Chenle was attracted to, to begin with.
He swallows his own saliva, not having a single clue about such a thing.
"Park Jisung" Chenle says almost as if annoyed at the mere action of having to say his childhood best friend's name.
Jeno wonders if he fell asleep and woke up in an opposite reality.
The Chenle he knows has never been particularly vocal about Jisung's and his relationship, mostly because he did not need to be so.
It was evident to anyone who had eyes that the were both practically attached to the hip, a package deal, if you will.
"Ji?" Jeno replies, even more confused "Did you two have a fight now?" He asks concerned, wondering whether its too early to start calling for help via their group chat.
"What? No. It actually started six months ago." Chenle says, looking distant.
Jeno grows increasingly concerned, whatever is happening right now had been dormant for six months?
He wonders what the issue could even be for Chenle to look this unwell on a random Tuesday, at five in the afternoon nonetheless.
"Chenle, look at me" he asks, hand on his shoulder in order to will his friend into looking him in the eye "What happened six months ago?"
Chenle's eyes find Jeno's in the dimly lit room, he swallows heavily.
"He started going to the gym regularly" Chenle says as if he was telling Jeno his deepest, most well-kept secret.
You see, most people were right to assume that the loud, outgoing and ever confident Zhong Chenle had a fairly easy life because he certainly did.
Yet ever since that fateful day, there's a secret weighing heavily on his mind. One really big problem that had been growing over the past six months.
Its name? Park Jisung's muscles.
But how exactly did Chenle get to such extremes?
It all starts simply, on a Tuesday morning mid August in Chenle's third year of university.
He wakes up at six in the morning every Tuesday for Basketball practice, sometimes wishing to slack up a bit but after all he has just been trusted with the role of being the team's captain.
Chenle moves through his morning routine with ease, he takes a shower, packs his bag as well as his electrolytes and makes breakfast which consists of overnight oats with fruits and Greek yogurt.
There Chenle is mindlessly scrolling through his phone as he eats breakfast when Jisung's room door swings open to reveal his best friend dressed in none other than sports clothing and what seems to be a small gym bag on his shoulder.
To say Chenle is surprised at the sight is an understatement; you see one must know Park Jisung as well as Chenle does to understand why this specific sight is such an uncharacteristic one.
Jisung had started going to the gym at seventeen, back when Chenle's incessant nagging about getting his stamina up had finally gotten to him and that's how they started going together.
Back in those days Chenle mainly and almost exclusively used the treadmill, specially in the off season.
Jisung had been keeping the habit of going to the gym ever since then, he went at least once a week.
Chenle does not really go to the gym anymore for he runs around plenty with basketball anyways.
"Are you going somewhere?" Chenle asks, taking a bit of his yogurt.
"The gym" Jisung answers as if it was the most obvious thing ever, walking to their front door to get his shoes on.
Chenle's eyes follow his steps closely.
"With?" He asks curiously.
"Jaemin invited me" he explains to Chenle
"And you said yes?" Chenle asks surprised still.
"Well yes" Jisung sighs "Le, even you say that his muscles are amazing, I just thought that I could get back to it. You know, new year's resolutions and all"
"Makes sense" Chenle says dropping it, even if it strikes him as weird.
Jisung had never mentioned being particularly interested in growing bigger muscles, not even when Chenle so openly yapped about Jaemin's and Jeno's muscles, them being the only ones in the friend group who could properly be called some sort of gym bros.
It is certainly odd but, who is he to judge his best friend trying to lead a healthier lifestyle? Certainly not the one.
He resolves that he is happy for Jisung and seemingly moves on.
In the next couple of weeks Jisung becomes a new staple on Chenle's Tuesday morning routine to the point where Chenle now makes overnight oats for two every night, just so Jisung can also have breakfast after he found out that Jisung had been simply getting breakfast at a cafe after his workouts.
"I'm telling you, this is so much better! Besides you can even add whichever fruit you like so it's also delicious" he tells Jisung about his go to calorie dense breakfast for practice mornings, smiling deeply when Jisung accepts his argument and starts eating breakfast with him.
They move around with the ease only prolonged cohabitation brought them, Chenle usually dropping Jisung off at the gym before heading to practice and even picking him up after he was done with basketball practice so that they could go on Chenle's usual morning coffee run.
The process was fun, Chenle liked finding a way to spend even more time together with his best friend on their now busy schedules, specially since Jisung had taken on a more prominent role on their university's dance team.
Nobody could have prepared Chenle when the early signs of the problem started showing up in his head, right when the fruits of Jisung's labor had started being visible.
It was the first Friday night of the month, which meant movie night for Jisung and Chenle.
Jisung was wearing a plain white t-shirt as he served their drinks and Chenle was sporting a simple gray hoodie as he plated their snacks. He was currently trying to get the peanut butter jar open just so he could start trying a peanut butter popcorn recipe he had seen on TikTok.
"Oh, let me help you” Jisung says, stepping into Chenle's field of vision and taking the peanut butter jar with one hand.
Chenle gets weird-ed out for a second.
Why did the jar look so small in Jisung's hand all off sudden? He could swear it was a normal sized jar when Chenle was holding it just a minute ago.
Before Chenle can keep wondering about the size of the jar, he gets distracted by Jisung who is diligently trying to open it.
Chenle's eyes get lost in the way his forearm muscles contract as he holds the lid tightly, the way Jisung's hands cover the whole lid and the slight rustle of the fabric on top of Jisung's upper arm, a slight shape suggesting that Jisung's muscles were bigger than they appeared to be below the t–shirt he was wearing.
The thought was enough to make Chenle's mind spin, he momentarily wonders how Jisung's arms must feel to the touch now that he lifts regularly.
"Chenle?" Jisung asks, getting him out of his trance.
Chenle simply looks at him confused before taking the jar back in his hands, getting his phone out to look up the recipe.
Unfortunately that only seems to be the start of it.
On the days to come, the question starts making rounds on Chenle's brain.
How must they feel to the touch? Would they feel tighter than Jaemin's?
Those are the type of thoughts that keep going through his mind as Chenle refuses to acknowledge their existence, choosing not to pay them any mind until it happens.
It is nine-thirty on yet another Tuesday morning.
Chenle has just finished basketball practice, as soon as he steps outside to walk to his car the humid hot air hits him in the face, it was still early September so they had yet to transition into a more comfortable dry climate.
He turns the air-con on as he takes off, not before texting Jisung that he is picking him up for their coffee run.
Chenle had just seen a new coffee shop open in town and was excited about trying it with Jisung on their now established routine of hanging out on Tuesday mornings since they both had afternoon classes.
Chenle parks the car in front of the gym building, waiting for Jisung to get out and mindlessly scrolling on his phone while waiting.
He feels the door of the passenger seat open as Jisung gets in.
"How was your workout?" Chenle asks, still scrolling on his phone as Jisung adjusts himself in the passenger seat.
Then he makes the first mistake, looking up at Jisung. Only to find that the latter's white oasis t-shirt looks almost transparent and is completely stuck to his body, clearly covered in sweat from his intense workout.
Chenle swallows harshly, unable to take his eyes off Jisung's body, who seems to feel Chenle's eyes on him and smiles apologetically.
"Sorry, the air-con broke down mid workout and the showers were full" Jisung explains, scratching his neck nervously "I know I'm sweaty, I'll pay for the car wash if you want" He offers.
Chenle only looks at him, completely baffled and pretty sure his mouth is hanging open.
He begins to feel dizzy as his eyes stay practically glued to the area, he could almost detail every muscle on his abdominal area down to his belly button, all off sudden Chenle gets the severe urge to trace Jisung's abs with his fingers.
And once the thought installs itself in Chenle's mind it is already too late, hands moving on their own as he tentatively places two fingers on top of Jisung's abdominal area, lightly tracing the lines that divided it one by one.
He looks up at Jisung only to find he's smiling at him nervously.
That makes Chenle feel something deep within himself, almost as if he were hungry for something except he can not quite place what.
The realization shocks him enough to make him move his hand back, as if he had been burned.
His heart is racing at one hundred kilometers per second and his mind is desperately searching for an excuse that can somehow justify his actions just now.
"They've gotten more defined now, right?" Jisung asks him, looking at Chenle almost expectantly.
As if seeking out his approval.
"I guess they're fine" Chenle laughs, trying to tease him and hoping the warmth in his cheeks isn't noticeable "You're a gym rat now, aren’t you?" He finishes, giving Jisung a playful slap on his arm.
Jisung laughs, but the proud smile on his face is obvious.
"If you say so" he adds, giving an eye-roll.
"Just pointing out the obvious" Chenle counterattacks, now looking at the road as he starts the car.
The short ten minute ride to the cafe feels eternal, Chenle's mind coming back to the sensation of Jisung's abs firm under his fingertips and palms, he slightly wonders if they would still feel hard if he squeezed them.
As they enter the cafe, Chenle's mind feels dizzy, almost on autopilot.
They sit on a table close to the window, Jisung opens Chenle's chair for him because that is how Jisung is.
Chenle's mind gets stuck on the action and he starts to wonder since when Jisung does that for him, as the latter is talking to him about the menu and passing his phone to Chenle so that he can look at it as well.
During the course of their small mid-morning meal, Chenle starts noticing things that he never had before.
Like the way Jisung's fingers curl around the spoon as he stirs his coffee or the way he takes one of the macarons on the plate in front of him to offer it to Chenle before even taking one for himself.
Has Jisung always treated him with such care? It almost feels intimate, in a way it reflects how deeply he knows Chenle, maybe in ways Chenle himself doesn't.
After they finish their meal Chenle exits the café with only one thought in mind: he might have a problem.
Chenle had been walking on eggshells around Jisung all week after the incident.
Making sure not to go anywhere near the other's room if he heard the shower running and avoiding looking at him anywhere but his eyes at all times, even going so far as to make an excuse when Jisung had told him he wanted to cuddle as they were sitting on their couch one night, binge watching Chenle's most recent obsession: Culinary class wars.
"No" He had quickly answered right after Jisung had asked.
"Huh? why?" Jisung had asked confused.
"I just remembered that I have something to do tomorrow morning so, we should call it a night" he lies through his teeth.
"We're in the middle of the episode, can't we cuddle until it ends?" Jisung asks hesitantly.
"Uh I'm just really sleepy so" Chenle says, looking everywhere but Jisung's eyes.
"Oh that's fine" Jisung says a bit awkwardly as he turns the TV off "Tomorrow then?"
"Yes! Totally, tomorrow" Chenle says a bit too enthusiastically as he starts getting up "Good night Ji" he clears his throat
"Good night Le" He hears Jisung say, but he's already started walking back to his room.
He closes the door behind him and curses in a low voice "Zhong Chenle, get your shit together" he thinks to himself before getting into bed.
As soon as he opens his eyes on the next day Chenle remembers his promise, feeling a shiver down his spine.
It is Monday, which means Chenle has an ECON lecture at ten in the morning and another lecture at two in the afternoon. He wakes up at eight and makes breakfast for himself, Jisung has early morning classes so he eats in silence.
He feels weirdly calm the whole day after his odd morning, he goes to class and later gets lunch with Jeno and Jaemin at a restaurant nearby Jeno's dorm.
They talk in between bites, about nothing in specific, just sharing life updates and so. That is until the conversation takes a turn.
"You never go to the gym with me now that Jisung is training with you everyday" Jeno points out to Jaemin, getting Chenle's attention "How is that going?" he asks
"It's not like he started from zero since he already went to the gym twice a week before, but so far he's been amazing" Jaemin says while taking a bit of rice into his spoon "He recently hit his goal of dead-lifting 80kg, actually" Jaemin adds, then takes a bite.
That makes Chenle look up from his food, taking in the information Jaemin just shared.
"Dude, isn't 80kg a lot?" Jeno asks, as if voicing Chenle's own thoughts.
"He's consistent" Jaemin simply shrugs, as if that explained it all.
"Wow, who are his opps?" Jeno laughs
"Maybe he's trying to impress someone" Jaemin adds looking Chenle directly in the eye "Don't you think Lele?" He asks, taking a sip of his drink.
"It could be" Jeno tells Jaemin "Does Ji even have a crush on anyone?" The question is aimed at Chenle this time and he can almost feel his stomach flipping, appetite lost all off a sudden.
"Not that I know of" Chenle answers, taking a bit of his own food.
"Maybe he doesn't, I mean you'd probably know if he did" Jeno reasons, as if that made all the sense in the world.
"Yeah, you're his best friend after all" Jaemin adds, smiling.
"Probably" Chenle answers, mind already gone.
After that he goes to his second class of the day. Sitting through this specific lecture somehow feels like a nightmare, Chenle cannot concentrate for the life of him, losing the string of what the professor is explaining and ultimately opting to simply pull out his voice-notes app and silently start recording the explanation so that he can hear it on one of his late night jogs before the next week.
He gets home on autopilot, leaving his shoes by the door and patting Daegal's head as a greeting.
Jisung usually arrives at seven on Mondays because he has dance practice in the afternoon so it is Chenle's turn for dinner.
He walks to the fridge and takes a look at everything inside it for a little too long before texting Jisung that he's ordering takeout tonight and asking what he wants shortly after the other answers excitedly.
Chenle gets into his room, getting his stuff ready to take a hot shower after such a long day.
The food arrives not long after he's finished, he leaves it on the counter and starts searching for Culinary Class Wars on the TV, he just pulled the episode and put it on pause before he gets out of the sofa to start plating the food on the plates he had already prepared.
The he hears the distinct click of the front door that tells him Jisung is back.
"I'm home!" He says as a greeting.
"Hi!" Chenle answers back simply.
"Oh that smells good" He says, briefly getting behind Chenle to check on the food.
Chenle's breath stills just by the proximity of Jisung's torso next to his back combined with the smell of Jisung's cologne and the warmth the other's body seems to be emanating.
Chenle is burdened with the sudden urge to take a step back and let their bodies clash with each other, as if that would make their warmth fuse into one single spark burning quietly.
"I have to change though, can I take a quick bite?" Jisung asks and Chenle hums absentmindedly, not really understanding what Jisung just asked.
Which is why he is extremely confused and almost panicking when Jisung's arm reaches from above his own shoulder to get a piece of meat from one of the plates.
"Lele that is so good" he says, quickly snatching another piece and putting it at Chenle's eye level "here, try it" he says, wiggling his fingers with the piece for Chenle to bite.
He should not be even considering to do this, since when does Jisung even hand-feed him to begin with?
Chenle knows the right thing he should do is put his own hand in between Jisung's hand and his mouth, take a step back and laugh. Say something along the lines of 'dude, don't be gross' and call it a day.
That is what Chenle should do.
Yet somehow he finds himself taking a step forward, willfully going right into the trap.
His tongue lightly clashes with Jisung's finger and he briefly licks the pads of Jisung's index and middle fingers, saliva leaving a shiny clear coat on his finger-pads as he takes both fingers out of Chenle's mouth.
It feels as if Chenle's entire skin has been ignited on fire, burning consuming him from within. His stomach drops as the feeling swallows him whole.
Chenle turns his head back to smile at Jisung "It is delicious" he says.
Jisung looks at him back as he stands still in his place, looking at his finger as if it had personally offended him.
His eyes are wide, mouth parted slightly and his cheeks are beginning to look slightly pink.
Jisung leaves for his room without saying another word.
Chenle on the other hand is dealing with a crisis, feeling his shorts tighten slightly around his crotch area and obsessively willing himself to calm down and unable to admit what just happened.
When Jisung comes out of his room the tension in the living room feels as if it can be cut with a knife, Jisung sits on the opposite side of the table to Chenle's and they both eat in silence.
Chenle feels conflicted.
This is his best friend, for god sakes.
It does not matter that he just might have discovered he might have some sort of oral fixation to add into his personal discovery meditations, he cannot let them be awkward to each other.
"Heard from Jaem you can dead-lift 80kg now?" He asks trying to sound casual.
"Oh yeah" Jisung answers moving food around his plate "It was a goal of mine and I hit it a few days ago" he says
"80kg is crazy dude, you're amazing" Chenle compliments Jisung, lightly smacking his shoulder.
"It's not all that, I've heard Jeno can do almost double of that" Jisung says scratching his neck.
"Are you serious?" Chenle asks "Dude just yours is more than what I weight" he says hyping Jisung up.
"I know" Jisung says, looking down at his plate
"Huh?" Chenle asks
Jisung only smiles.
Chenle lets his own words sink in.
Jisung can dead-lift more than what Chenle weighs.
Jisung could just carry Chenle princess style if he pleased.
The mental image of that goes on for a minute too long inside Chenle's mind and before he knows it he is already getting up from the table and offering to wash Jisung's plate as well.
He scrubs the dishes clean as if dish soap could also erase all of the thoughts he is not supposed to be having about his childhood best friend.
He finds Jisung sitting on the sofa, legs up and blanket on top, clearly waiting for him to start watching Culinary Class Wars.
He sighs and convinces himself he can do this before he sits beside Jisung.
To be fair, Chenle wants to cuddle too.
This is their thing when they're watching movies together ever since they moved to college and he had found Jisung one morning in first year, deeply overwhelmed with finals and curled up on his bed.
The sheer memory is enough to make Chenle cave in and practically dive into Jisung's space at the next second.
The other gleefully moves to accommodate him until they fit like puzzle pieces, Jisung's arms hug Chenle by the waist and Chenle's arms rest on top of his, he uses Jisung's chest as a backrest and throws the blanket over them.
An hour later, a new episode is beginning yet Chenle is too far out to even register it.
Jisung looks at Chenle warmly, carefully putting one of his arms below Chenle's legs and the other one around his torso as he gets up from the sofa, he goes as slow as possible to make sure nothing disrupts Chenle's sleep as he carries him to his room.
Jisung leaves Chenle on his bed, not before making sure to throw a light blanket on top of him since he knows Chenle couldn't sleep without a blanket no matter how hot the weather was.
He lies down on his own bed and smiles to himself, his goal had finally served its real purpose.
Chenle wakes up the next morning feeling lost, wondering how he got from the sofa to his bed.
His mind runs in circles until he finds the explanation and his cheeks go red at the thought of Jisung carrying him to bed.
Though deep down he feels just a tinge of disappointment from the fact that he was not conscious to experience Jisung carrying him.
"G'morning" Jisung says as Chenle is assembling both of their overnight oats plates.
"Morning Sungie" he says, noticing that the latter is wearing a t shirt with the sleeves all rolled up "Rolling up your sleeves?" Chenle starts teasing "What's next, are you going to start exclusively wearing tank tops?" He says, pinching one of Jisung's biceps.
Effectively hard, Chenle notes to himself.
Jisung only laughs at Chenle's teasing, flexing his arm a little for the latter's enjoyment, who pinches him yet again.
"Actually, do you have anything to do after practice today?" Jisung asks, still smiling as Chenle goes back to their plates, not before directly squeezing his right bicep.
"Not really, I mean I usually don't schedule anything right after that since that's the time for our coffee run" Chenle explains.
"Could we get the coffee to go and go to the mall after?" Jisung asks nervously.
"Sure" Chenle answers, he doesn't mind walking around the mall at all "why though?" He asks, more out of curiosity than anything.
"Oh, I just want to get a tank top and Jaemin told me some stores I could get them at" He explains, as if that does not wreck Chenle's brain in an instant.
"Really?" Chenle asks dumbfounded.
"Hm, yeah?" Jisung looks everywhere but Chenle's eyes "Do you think it's not a good idea to wear them yet?" He asks, clearly feeling self–conscious.
Chenle backtracks in an instant "I was just surprised, that's all" He scrambles to find the words "Of course we can go today!" He says a bit too cheerfully, hoping his face does not convey the amount of damage the thoughts of Jisung in a tank top are doing to his brain.
Chenle successfully drowns his thoughts on the matter during the whole drive to drop Jisung off at the gym and then later at practice, his brain feels lighter and he moves through their usual routine by force of habit.
Before he knows, they are inside the first store.
Jisung is almost shy in his browsing, taking the time to feel each fabric and detail every stitch on the garments.
"Which one do you think would be better?" He asks Chenle, holding two white tank tops that look almost the same in Chenle's eyes. Maybe one of them was a size smaller? He wonders.
"You should choose the smaller size" Chenle answers without hesitation after Jisung stays still for a minute too long, waiting for his opinion.
"They're the same size" Jisung looks at him in the eye "They're different shades. I need to know which one you think would look better on me" He asks again.
"They're different shades?" Chenle asks, getting closer. Well damn him, they are different shades.
"This one is off white" Jisung states, holding the top on his right hand "this one is more like ivory" He explains.
Chenle wonders what kind of skill set Jisung had to learn in order to acquire this specific knowledge.
"Maybe Ivory? I feel like it goes better with your skin" Chenle answers after some deliberation.
Jisung pauses for a second, putting the fabric against the skin of his arm.
"Oh, you're right" he says simply, taking the garment by the hanger and continuing on his way.
He goes on for about twenty more minutes, asking Chenle questions here and there.
"Oh, should I get this as-well?" Chenle hears Jisung ask him, he looks up from his phone and feels a cold sweat run down his spine.
He clears his throat before speaking, choosing his next words carefully.
"A black compression shirt?" He asks, voice effectively masking the absolute wave of despair that just hit his body like a force at the sight of Jisung holding said garment in his hand.
"Yes" Jisung says "Wouldn't it look good?" He asks now, looking at the floor.
"I don't know, why don't you try it on?" Chenle's mouth is moving before his brain to mouth filter can effectively censor his thoughts to prevent him from saying the very exact thing he just did.
"You're right, I should" Jisung smiles, looking around for a changing room.
Chenle practically drags his feet across the floor as he walks behind him.
Ten minutes later Jisung emerges out of the changing room with his white t-shirt on.
"Didn't you want to try on the other shirt?" Chenle asks
"I did" Jisung adds casually "I'll take it, you were right I just had to see it on" He smiles at Chenle.
Chenle is baffled at the relaxed manner in which Jisung says it. But more so when his mind does a leap and a simple thought makes all the way up front.
He stops in his tracks for a second as they're going back to the car.
"Chenle?" Jisung calls his name behind him.
Chenle stands still.
Was he looking forward to see Jisung try the shirt on?
The weeks following The realization ™ Chenle dedicates himself on mastering the art of being truly unbothered.
He stops looking at Jisung's muscles every-time the other wears his newly purchased set of white tank tops around the house or after the gym.
He hangs out with their friend group, he plays basketball and he studies for his classes.
Jisung and him still cuddle on movie night and stay up late watching Culinary Class Wars, yet Chenle's mind is devoid of the thoughts about his best friend's body that once started plaguing his brain.
How he did it? He is just disciplined like that.
Even if he manages to witness Jisung's muscles flexing repeatedly below his hand as the latter carries him back to bed one night when Chenle's was awaken by Jisung carrying him, he pretends to still be asleep and does not falter.
Chenle is strong, disciplined and most importantly: determined to stop looking at Jisung like he was a meal to be savored.
He refused to think about the man who had seen him through this bests and his worsts like that.
To the only one who had been a constant in Chenle's life after his parents divorced, a fact about Chenle that Jisung had found out first, after Chenle had shown up at his door on a random day of summer vacation. He had traveled all the way from Shanghai.
Jisung was the wind that kept Chenle's ship running despite the stillness of it all. Chenle could not even begin to think of a life where Jisung is not there and that scares him.
He has never particularly entertained the thought of Jisung leaving, believing it to be near the line of the impossible. Yet he fears it profoundly.
It is three weeks later at the start of November when Chenle gets reminded of his own fear.
Practice gets canceled because their university's gymnasium is undergoing reparations so Jisung decides to invite him to the gym with him.
"Come on, it'll be fun" Jisung says "Just like in high-school" He laughs.
"As if" Chenle retorts "you were cuter in high-school" he laughs
"Hey!" Jisung protests as they enter the building.
"Hi Jisung!" says the girl in the front counter enthusiastically, clearly a gym employee.
"Hello. Uh I would like to register my-" Jisung pauses "Chenle, as my guest for today" He finishes awkwardly and the girl smiles wider.
"Of course Jji" she says, looking up something in her computer.
Chenle looks at Jisung "Jji?" He whispers.
He feels something forming in his stomach, an unpleasant tingling pain.
He looks at the girl, she has a perfectly done blowout and her hair probably went all the way to her waist, her makeup is on point and the smile she is offering Jisung is almost too bright.
The way in which she laughs at Jisung's "Oh I just didn't want to have any trouble" explanation, as if it was the funniest thing someone has ever said are making Chenle go insane.
He takes a deep breath. What is wrong with him? He keeps wondering as he's running on the treadmill.
It was no secret that Park Jisung was admittedly hot, even before he had sort of turned into a muscle obsessed gym rat. Heck, he was hot even during the long-standing emo phase he never fully left.
Anyone who had eyes could objectively admit that he was gorgeous, whether they were into him or not.
That being said, why was Chenle so bothered by him ever since his muscles had started getting a little bigger?
Jisung was allowed to like someone if he pleased, it wasn't as if Chenle had any say in that because he is simply the guy's best friend.
This is fine, he can live with this.
That is until his mind, which seems to be out to get him reminded him of the comment Jeno had made "Does Ji even have a crush on anyone?" Chenle from weeks ago had answered simply, because he felt sure that he knew the answer to such a question.
Right now? He could not say the same.
He is waiting for Jisung to get out of the showers so they can go out for their coffee run when he finds his eyes inadvertently going back to the counter, where the girl is sitting.
There is no denying she was pretty, but was she Jisung's type? Most importantly, what was even Jisung's type?
Chenle scrambles through his brain, there is only two instances of Jisung effectively liking someone that he remembers, the first one being their language tutor all the way back to third grade, a short bubbly woman who had just gotten her title as a teacher.
Chenle remembers vividly how Jisung cried after his parents told him he couldn't possibly marry someone fourteen years older than him.
The second one was way more abstract, it was a boy their age when they were in high-school, whom Jisung had seen around the hallways and was apparently their senior, he'd never even told Chenle the name of said boy or pointed at him, he did not even know what he looked like, so Chenle wonders if it even counts.
"Sorry, the shower took forever to warm up" Jisung says finally walking out.
He's wearing a blue zip up hoodie, a pair of light washed denim jeans and his characteristic black rimmed glasses since he deems contact lenses too risky for working out.
"Dude you should just get Lasik" Chenle says looking at Jisung's glasses as if they'd personally offended him.
"But I like the glasses" Jisung laughs "Plus I told you about that guy in Jeno's class that got scammed trying to get that surgery" He explains to Chenle as they make their way out.
"Bye Jisung!" Chenle hears counter girl say over the noise of the morning's rush hour.
Jisung simply turns around and waves.
Back in the car Chenle looks at Jisung directly "So, that girl" He asks up front
"Who?" Jisung asks, seemingly confused.
"The receptionist? Pretty, long brown hair?" Chenle says
"Oh, what about her?" Jisung asks.
"Do you even know her name?" Chenle asks, a bit exasperated.
"Uhh, not really?" Jisung answers
"Well she clearly seems to know yours" Chenle retorts, feeling weird all of sudden.
"Oh I thought she saw it on the gym records since I'm a regular. Jaemin always says her costumer service is top tier" Jisung explains, playing around with the zipper of the hoodie, opening and closing it repeatedly.
"She probably wants a customer served" Chenle retorts, looking elsewhere.
"Zhong Chenle!" Jisung half screams, eyes opening in horror.
"Sorry that was too much" He says "I just think, she looks at you a certain way" He finishes.
"You know I'm not" Jisung starts, fiddling with the zipper again and almost bringing it half the way down its length, slightly revealing the skin below it "interested in women that way" he says, looking anywhere but Chenle's eyes.
Chenle looks at him puzzled for a second before his eyes go back to follow the movement of the zipper, he does not know.
"What do you mean?" He asks
"Well you know, that guy I liked in high-school" Jisung says.
"I thought you were bi?" Chenle states simply.
"Oh" it is now Jisung's turn to look puzzled "I'm not? I mean I only like guys I am pretty sure of that" he explains.
"Okay" Chenle says, half registering what Jisung is saying "Jji, are you not wearing anything underneath that?" Chenle finally asks.
"No?" Jisung answers confused "It's not that cold out anyways" he explains
"Why would you even?" Chenle starts asking, he gets closer to Jisung.
He feels his entire body burn with something akin to rage yet somehow close to desire as he takes Jisung's zipper between his fingers.
Chenle starts pulling the zipper down, looking at Jisung's eyes expectantly almost savoring down his best friend's expressions, waiting for the moment he starts cussing Chenle out.
Except the moment never comes.
Jisung's zipper is pulled all the way down and separated, leaving an opening that reveals the soft yet toned skin below it. Jisung is doing nothing, not saying anything.
Chenle doubles down, signing his death sentence as his hand moves forward and starts adventuring underneath the fabric of Jisung's hoodie, palm stretched open feeling Jisung's chest.
Chenle's touch starts soft and light, almost as if he was tracing down each individual line, still waiting for Jisung's hand to come up to his any second now and separate him from his body. It still doesn't happen.
Chenle gets bolder, touch heavier as he starts drawing circles on the side of Jisung's waist.
This is simply not happening, how is Jisung not doing anything to stop Chenle?
He looks up at the latter's face and his eyes are closed tight, face flushed.
Chenle feels embarrassed at the sight and starts retrieving his hand. That is when he feels Jisung's hand circle around his wrist, guiding his palm back to his chest.
This time Jisung places Chenle's hand completely below the hoodie's fabric, on top of his right pectoral. Chenle squishes lightly, smile proud as he hears Jisung's heavy breath intake.
He cannot resist, his hand moves away and he grabs the fabric of the hoodie, wishing to remove it completely.
The klaxon of a car in front of them gets him back to his senses.
They are still in the gym's parking lot and Jisung is reclined fully against the passenger's window, body pointed in Chenle's direction. His eyes are a bit teary, his breathing is a bit faster and he is looking at Chenle weirdly.
As if there was something else he has to do and as if Jisung was pleading him to do it right at that instant.
Chenle takes the steering wheel in his hands as if it could ground him from how out of it he feels right at this moment.
He zips Jisung's hoodie back on carefully, as if the wrong move could possibly break him.
"Let's go get coffee" he says starting the car.
Jisung nods, looking lost.
Chenle looks at the road one more time and off they go.
Zhong Chenle knows he just massively and completely fucked up.
How could he ever have simply lost control?
What was he even doing? What had possessed him in a way that he did such a thing and most importantly, why was Jisung not doing anything about it?
Chenle had expected to get met with Jisung's frenzy, his big hands separating Chenle immediately, even for Jisung to get mad at him or cuss him out for touching him like that.
But nothing of the sort had happened.
He wonders if Jisung would just let Chenle do anything that he pleases or if this is not even a Chenle thing but simply a normal thing for him.
Would Jisung let someone other than Chenle touch him in such way? Was he truly okay with that?
And most importantly, why does the thought of someone else's hands on Jisung's body infuriate Chenle so much?
Why does he start feeling like the blood in his body boils from within at the thought of someone else seeing Jisung's expressions? Chenle feels outraged.
They just got back home and there is an obvious tension in the air that fills the entire room. Despite this, Chenle speaks up.
"Have you ever let anyone else, do that?" Chenle asks despite not knowing if he is ready to hear the answer.
"Do what?" Jisung answers after they're inside their apartment, seemingly lost.
"You know, that thing in the car" Chenle feels embarrassed, almost as if he can not possibly name what he just did.
"Touching me?" Jisung asks, still confused.
"Touching you, in a way" Chenle says, despite what he is clearly implying he just did.
"I don't mind you touching me" Jisung says simply.
"But would you mind someone else?" Chenle presses.
"I don't mind it if it's you" Jisung answers, almost shrugging.
"But what if someone else wanted to do that, like the girl from the gym" Chenle says again, creating a hypothetical.
"I told you she does not see me in any way, she's just doing her job" Jisung retorts, looking visibly exasperated now at the mention of the girl.
"But what if she wanted to? What if another guy wanted to?!" Chenle asks now feeling almost irritated, he doesn't know what he wants Jisung to answer him yet he knows the current answers are not satisfying him.
"Chenle" Jisung speaks up serious "If it's you it's fine. I don't mind you touching me at all" He unzips part of his hoodie and then takes Chenle's wrist and places his palm underneath the fabric "See? I don't mind" Jisung smiles at Chenle.
Yet this only seems to contribute even more to Chenle's fury.
"You cannot just accept this!" He practically reprimands him.
"Why?" Jisung asks serious "Tell me why Chenle, why cant I accept it?" He looks done for now "It's just you, I trust you"
"Well maybe you shouldn't!" Chenle yells, Jisung looks at him in the eye, clearly confused.
"What?" He questions.
"You're too trusting" He remarks "what if someone takes advantage of that?"
"Who's even-" Jisung sighs "I told you, it's only you. Why would I be 'too trusting' if it's just you?"
"Well what if I" Chenle starts "I don't know, wanted to push you into the sofa right now" He says, putting some force into pushing Jisung with the hand that still sits on top of his chest until the back of his knees hits the fabric of their sofa, Jisung opposes no resistance.
"See?" Chenle says infuriated "You're not even protesting, you're just letting me do whatever to you" He gestures to the whole situation they're in begging for Jisung to grasp it.
Jisung just looks him in the eye, confused.
"And what if I also told you to sit?" Chenle asks, his whole body burning with rage as he sees how Jisung calmly sits down at his words "What if I decided that I want to sit here as well?" He says, getting on top of Jisung's lap, the boy's arms quickly circle around Chenle's waist to prevent him from falling "You're not even stopping me. Why aren't you?" Chenle knows he's practically screaming at Jisung at this point but not even he himself can quite understand why he feels so bothered by the situation.
Jisung sighs "I don't mind" he says quietly, voice almost a whisper compared to Chenle's loud statements.
"You don't mind?!" Chenle asks, close to losing it "You're telling me you don't mind?" He repeats
Jisung simply shakes his head, affirming his position.
"Then what if I unzipped this?" He says, unzipping Jisung's hoodie "What if I took it off and started sucking on your nipples, you wouldn't mind that as well?!" Chenle laughs in disbelief.
He looks directly at Jisung's eyes, taking his jaw in his hand so that the latter can look directly at him. Jisung's eyes are big and almost pleading.
"Park Jisung, answer me for gods sake" He says, pressing Jisung's cheeks in between his thumb and index fingers.
"Please?" Jisung murmurs.
Chenle swears he must be hallucinating, there was just no way.
"What?!"
"Please" Jisung repeats, now slightly teary eyed.
The realization hits Chenle like a truck.
He is sitting on top of Jisung's lap, grabbing his face and practically screaming at him.
Jisung could easily overpower Chenle and simply get him out of his lap, could have stopped him from unzipping his hoodie or pushing him into the sofa to begin with.
Hell he could even carry Chenle right now and switch their positions entirely and get on top of Chenle for all that matters, so why isn't he doing so? Why is he not being rough with him? Why treat Chenle with such care?
Why practically beg for a hypothetical he does not understand? Because there is no way he understands what Chenle is saying, what he wants to do.
Chenle backtracks. What he wants?
Since when does he even want Jisung in such a way? He does not.
He gets up and off Jisung's lap, who is looking at him fairly confused.
"You should not be letting me do this." He concludes before he storms off to his room.
Maybe if he'd looked back he'd seen Jisung, sitting on the sofa as his eyes followed every single one of Chenle's movements.
His cheeks are visibly red, his eyes are teary, his hoodie still unzipped and the crotch area on his pants feels a lot tighter.
Chenle feels like a mess the rest of the week.
He's getting haunted by the worst possible realization, the awareness that he's been lusting after his best friend for god knows how long.
Running off every-time Jisung is in his vicinity can not possibly be good for his mental health, but he is not particularly thinking about that at the moment.
Finals week is around the corner and the last few arrangements for his grad project are keeping him stressed, he is surviving of off caffeine and pure vibes.
Going around like that for the whole week, barely sleeping three to five hours a night starts catching up to him on thursday of the next week, when he wakes up at one in the morning to find that he passed out in his bathtub.
He had been taking a bath to prepare himself for the next day, which was the due date for the project he'd been working on for so long.
He had barely seen Jisung at all, the other had been busy with his own finals as well. That and the fact that Chenle had also been avoiding him like the plague.
It's not as if he was in any way mad at the latter, more so he was mad at himself.
Chenle felt extremely greedy and somehow filthy to realize he wanted Jisung’s attention as desperately, to find the latter’s indifference to his touch as bothering. He ached for him to care, to make him look at nothing but Chenle, think nothing but Chenle.
There was something akin to hunger that sizzled in the back of his mind and took over his body, the need to wreck him. To take over his every thought, his every breath.
It was alarming, to crave such a thing. Despite the doubt, he still did.
He would find out that he shouldn’t have avoided such feelings.
He had just gotten out of his presentation when he got the phone call. He answers without checking who is calling.
“Chenle, how have you been?" He hears the voice and knows exactly who is calling.
"Hi eomma" He answers politely, a smile softly forming on his face.
"My Ji told me you had an important presentation today, how'd that go?" She asks, ever so attentive. This was the woman who sometimes felt more like a mother than his own.
"I did just get out of the presentation actually, it was a success eomma thanks for asking about it" He smiles even though she doesn't see him.
If Jisung's mother had remembered about the presentation that probably meant Jisung himself was aware of it.
Despite the fact that they weren't even speaking at the moment, it was likely that he had reminded his mother about it.
Chenle sighs, why was he always so attentive to him?
"I'm glad" Jisung's mother adds "I was just calling to remind you that we saved you a spot on our flight to Greece the next friday, I know your birthday is on sunday so I thought it would be good for you, if you do not have better plans that is" Chenle had forgotten about that "I called your mom about it and she said she's gonna be busy" Chenle sighs, to no surprise his own mother was elsewhere even for his birthday.
"But of course I'd love to go" He answers, truthfully. He needs to get some rest.
"Alright then it's settled, I'll text my Ji so that he can get you on the same connecting flight as him" She says happily.
Chenle understands that he must speak to Jisung at some point, yet he stores the intention to do so in the back of his mind for now. At least until they both get done with their finals.
It is now Monday of the next week, Chenle had been basically sleeping all weekend after getting done with all his schoolwork on Friday.
He decides to take Daegal out for a walk and when he comes back Jisung is already gone. He suddenly feels lonesome in a way he had not experienced since a long time ago.
He considers texting one of his friends. Jeno answers that he is on a date with Renjun, Jaemin and Hyuck were on a similar situation.
Heck even Beomgyu had answered his text some time later saying that he was on a date with Soobin.
Was he suddenly the only one of his inner circle of friends who wasn’t taken? How had he missed such a thing?
If he thinks about it, they’d all had been in their relationships for a while yet it was the first time where Chenle has encountered such issue.
He makes a quick trip to the grocery store to get ingredients to make dinner, he had to start planning how to make it up to Jisung after all.
It wasn’t as if dinner was going to magically fix everything but it might as well be the first step.
Was Jisung even coming home? Chenle had checked his location on their Find My and was grateful to find the other was simply at the gym.
Chenle decides to give it a shot and text Jisung “Hey, I’m cooking dinner today” he hits send, hoping his efforts are enough.
Jisung answers that he is coming back in about half an hour not even a minute later, Chenle gets to work for the next half an hour.
He hears the front door open, he knows Jisung is back as the latter greets him.
"Good afternoon Lele" he says once he gets to the kitchen, Chenle turns around to look at him.
There Jisung is, standing in the middle of their kitchen.
Parts of his hair are sticking to his forehead, he smiles warmly at Chenle as if he did not need anything in the world besides looking at him. And he is wearing the damned compression shirt.
Somehow the existence of such a garment had slipped Chenle's mind even if he technically helped Jisung pick it.
It is no help when Jisung quotes 'being too hungry' to take it off before having dinner. As they both sit on the table and Jisung tells Chenle how his day went, there is one thing predominantly occupying his thoughts.
The way Jisung's hands gracefully pick the spoon, the outline of his pectorals quietly hugged by the compression shirt and how big his arms look when he crosses them at one point in the conversation.
Chenle wishes he could run his tongue alongside the tight fabric, maybe bite Jisung's nipples lightly until they poke out of that damned compression shirt.
There's an image that comes to mind of Jisung under him, cheeks flushed and eyes teary.
"Lele?" Jisung calls, in front of him.
"Uh?" He asks, having lost the thread of the conversation.
"I was asking if it was fine that I booked you the window seat next to me, for our connecting flight this Friday" He says
"Why wouldn't it be?" Chenle asks confused.
"Well, you'd be next to me" Jisung explains, scratching his neck "Since we hadn't really talked after" He vaguely gestures with his hands to their sofa.
"I was just busy" Chenle smiles "I'm sorry, it's not going to happen again" he says and he means it "you know me better than I know myself, how could I ever leave you?"
Chenle smiles, somehow feeling burdened by his own statement.
Jisung smiles right back at him, eyes creasing and body leaning slightly towards him.
"I missed you" Jisung says, looking right at Chenle's eyes full of something he can't quite place his finger on what it is.
"I didn't even go anywhere" Chenle says instead, laughing.
"I know" Jisung laughs too before going back to his plate.
Whether Chenle has to tuck away his now obvious feelings, the bond he and Jisung shared was the one thing he could always count on.
After dinner Chenle realized he had yet to pack his suitcase after his conversation with Jisung.
He throws in two pairs of sunglasses, enough clothes for five days and the book he is reading at the moment.
The day of the flight he wakes up feeling strangely calm, perhaps it has something to do with the acceptance that fills his heart.
The knowledge that whether or not the feelings he experienced mattered, he'd always choose Jisung and the latter would choose him.
The notion of a life deprived of the other was enough to ease Chenle's confusion.
At least that is what Chenle finds to be the most soothing explanation, that is the last thing his brain conjures before falling asleep on the plane, head down on top of Jisung's shoulder.
Jisung sits down on a sun lounger near the edge of the pool. He had been playing catch with Chenle for nearly an hour now, having incorrectly assumed that the latter would get tired at some point.
To make matters worse Chenle was clearly the better swimmer amongst the two of them, game ending in a whopping 7 – 2 score with Chenle winning.
It was not as if Chenle had everything to do with his considerable performance, Jisung also had to admit that he probably enjoyed the feeling of Chenle catching him way more than he should.
He could have probably won a round or two more than he did, if not for how addictive the sensation of Chenles warm body colliding with his, wishing the moment lasted longer and the touch was lengthened.
If Jisung knew one thing for sure, it was the exact moment he fell in love with Zhong Chenle.
High school had been least of an interesting experience in terms of his studies, but there was Zhong Chenle.
There had always been but at some point Jisung had decided to host a sizable sleep–over, for his sixteenth birthday.
The specifics were nothing of the matter that day, but Chenle had been the only person to show up.
Jisung had resented his luck at first, yet as he remembered Chenle holding his hand under the covers and the words "Even if no one else is here, I will always be" and Jisung?
He is nothing if not weak.
As for those eyes look at him embodying a tenderness comparable to that of the morning sun, how could he ever be anything if not enamored by Chenle?
That exact feeling is the same if not amplified seven years after that moment, watching Chenle swim around.
His thoughts roam free about the water droplets that roll down Chenles neck freely, how he longs to lick down the expanse of it.
"Jisung, right?" Someone asks, forcing him out of his own mind.
"Long time no see! I'm" Jisung does not catch that, for Chenle decides to submerge "I'm visiting with my parents, they are" Jisung also doesn't catch that either, occupied watching Chenle come back to the surface "We went to high-school together, I don't know if you remember me" He adds and Jisung hears him loud and clear now.
He looks up, finally giving a face to the voice he'd been hearing, one that sounded strangely familiar.
He sees honey eyes creasing and a now slightly longer head of brown hair, same pretty smile. And he knows exactly who it is, him.
Jisung's first crush after he'd realized that he liked men. A hallway crush turned acquaintance solely because of their participation in their high school's dance team.
"Shotaro–Sunbaenim" he says, more out of habit than anything.
"So you do remember me" He says smiling.
"But of course" Jisung says, smiling back shyly "How have you been?" He is now looking entirely at Shotaro, reminiscing.
"Good, still dancing. You?"
"Same! Been on my university's dance team since my first year" he answers excitedly.
“Glad to hear your talents didn’t go to waste” he says, taking a seat on the sun lounger next to the one Jisung is sitting.
“Talents?” Jisung asks
“Oh come on!” Shotaro says “You were one the best dancers in out team, I’m sure you know that” Hearing that coming from someone who used to be team captain and whom Jisung knows has been to international level competitions after they graduated is the highest of compliments.
“You flatter me” He says laughing, cheeks feeling slightly warm.
"Nonsense, you were that good. I'm sure you're even better now" He pats Jisung's shoulder.
"I've been practicing and learning hard, but I'm sure you've gotten even better than that" He returns the compliment.
"We should reunite one day, do a song or two" Shotaro suggests "A rendition to the good old days" He adds smiling
"Yeah, I'd like that" Jisung answers simply "Are you with any studio now?" He asks, he knows Shotaro must have graduated university at least two years ago, since he was two years Jisung's senior.
"I have my own personal studio now, back in Tokyo. You should take a trip there sometime." He offers and Jisung immediately contemplates the idea of a trip to Japan with Chenle, their last one was in their teens after all.
"I would love to, we should start keeping in contact to coordinate something" He answers genuinely
"I think we follow each other on Instagram?" Shotaro asks, presumably to remind Jisung of that fact. They had started following each other back in highschool, when all the dance team had exchanged handles.
"Yeah, I'll dm you as soon as I'm done with Uni" he offers and Shotaro nods approvingly.
"By the way, whatever happened to that friend of yours?" Shotaro asks, seemingly out of nowhere "You know, that blonde guy who used to pick you up from practice basically everyday?" The question takes Jisung by surprise.
"Chenle?" He asks even though he knows the latter could not be referring to anyone else.
"I think so?"He says "I never really learned his name, but you guys seemed close" he smiles
"We're" Jisung pauses for a second, what is Chenle to him? Is not as if he can say that he is Jisung's everything "roommates, we moved in together since we both go to the same University"
"Oh" Shotaro says, looking curious "Did his family–" he begins and Jisung knows exactly where he is going.
"We thought it was better to live together, keep each other company. We bought our penthouse" He emphasizes the last sentence.
"Sorry I didn't mean to sound" He begins.
"Don't worry" He cuts Shotaro's apologies.
"So, are you seeing anyone right now?" He asks now getting closer, placing his hand on Jisung's shoulder.
Jisung hears the water move around, his eyes find Chenle's as the latter gets out of the pool, walking towards where Jisung is sitting. It is a matter of seconds before he's reached him.
"Jji, can we go inside? We have to start getting ready for dinner" He says as soon as he gets to Jisung's vicinity, completely disregarding the other man's presence.
"Afternoon, I'm Shotaro" Shotaro says, extending his hand towards Chenle who takes it in his, looking weary.
"Lovely to see you, Shotaro" Chenle answers smiling a bit too widely "I'm sorry to cut your conversation short but Jisung and I need to go get ready" He adds, squeezing Jisung's shoulder.
"Oh can't Jisung follow you up later? I was in the middle of asking him something" Shotaro smiles back.
"I don't know" Chenle says instead, looking at Jisung "Do you want to?" He asks Jisung directly.
He feels his entire body tense up when Chenle's grip on his shoulder slightly tightens. A shiver runs down his spine, he knows Chenle is upset, he can see it in the way the latter is smiling.
"I probably should go get ready, to be honest" he scratches his neck, offering Shotaro an apologetic smile.
"Oh" Shotaro's smile falters for a second "It's okay" He says "You have my insta right?" Jisung nods affirmatively, not going unnoticed by Chenle, who is already urging him to get up and follow him.
So Jisung gets up, waiting to follow Chenle.
"I'll get going" He says rushedly to Shotaro.
"Bye" Shotaro says, giving him a half hug "It was a pleasure to see you" He smiles "I'll text you so we can go get a drink when I'm in town"
Jisung feels the tug on his wrist as Chenle is guiding him, rather roughly.
He unfruitfully tries to hold Chenle's hand instead but he is met with Chenle increasing the force he is holding him with.
"Lele?" He asks now that they're nowhere near the pool, yet receives no response.
They enter the house moments later, navigating up flights of stairs.
Jisung feels himself almost trip while on a curve trying to follow Chenle's pace.
"Hyung?" He says instead, that seems to earn him Chenle's attention "Can we hold hands instead?" He asks simply, and Chenle surprisingly complies with his request.
Moments later Chenle is opening the door to Jisung's own room.
The first thing Chenle does as soon as he closes the door behind them is push him towards it, Jisung's back hitting the wood.
"Lele?" Jisung asks confused.
"Not that" He answers "What you called me before" Jisung swallows hard, cheeks warming up.
"Hyung" he says softly.
Chenle smiles brightly before burying his head into Jisung's chest, exhaling a sigh of relief, an unknown tension lifting from his shoulders.
Should he say something? Jisung feels his heart rate go up as Chenle's face starts moving slightly, almost as if he was a cat curling up next to their owner.
Jisung is in love, that is a fact that gets more difficult to hide every single day, specially these past few months.
It is almost as if he can feel his brain practically melting off the moment Chenle's hands get on his body, he feels hot all over and wants nothing else but to let Chenle do whatever he pleases.
He even admits he sometimes wishes Chenle would simply devour him.
Which is why he is here, with his fingers running through Chenle's hair as the latter is placing kisses around his neck.
Jisung's breath hitches as he feels Chenle's tongue lick alongside the expanse of his neck a bit too slow for his liking, almost as if he was experimenting with how far Jisung would let him go.
If only he knew that Jisung would've given him anything right then and there, with his back pressed to the door and chest against Chenle's own.
He felt almost desperate to lean into the other's warmth, to be so close that he can no longer tell where he ends and where Chenle begins.
Chenle bites right below his jawline and Jisung feels himself whimper at the action. Chenle stops his movements right there and separates himself from Jisung's neck to look at his face.
He feels his cheeks redden, wishing for the earth to swallow him rather than to be under the weight of Chenle's gaze looking for his.
Yet he feels pulled towards it, his eyes lock on to Chenle's for a moment too long and before he knows it, he's being pulled towards the bed.
Thrown towards it with little to no force, not that Chenle needed to use it anyways.
He falls on top of the bed, breath knocked out of his chest, looking at Chenle standing before him.
His swimming trunks are damp now and the ones Jisung is wearing are on a similar state.
It crosses his mind that maybe he shouldn't be on the bed given his current state, that thought leaves his mind the moment Chenle starts getting on top of him.
His knees are on the bed, on each side of Jisung's waist, and he loses no time on submerging his face back on Jisung's neck, going down all the way to his chest.
Jisung can not hold down the sigh of surprise that leaves mouth as he feels Chenle's wet tongue on top of his right nipple slowly licking it, he felt a tingling sensation despite the fabric being in between Chenle's tongue and his skin.
"Who is a better hyung to you" Chenle looks up "Me or that guy?" His head goes back down to place a small kitten lick on his left nipple. Jisung sighs softly.
"He is not even" He starts yet never finishes as Chenle bites harshly making Jisung out right moan.
"Me or that guy?" Chenle repeats, biting still.
"You" He says, voice choppy and cheeks blushing. He'd choose Chenle every-time.
"Who?" He asks again, pinching his right nipple between his thumb and index fingers as he keeps throughly biting on the left one.
"Hyung" He whines, Chenle keeps biting "You, Chenle Hyung" he stops to look at Jisung's face, he's smiling.
Jisung can feel the blood pooling down south, his stomach having the characteristic feeling that he gets when he is starting to get hard. He gets scared for a moment.
Chenle is clueless to the thoughts storming through Jisung's mind as he continues with his ministrations, alternating between nipples and getting his hands below his neoprene swim shirt, slowly tracing his abdominal area.
Jisung is half hard and praying for Chenle not to notice, he is almost distressed over the idea of the other finding out his current situation. A small part of his brain wonders why.
Why is he so scared of Chenle finding out? What would Chenle even do?
The idea of Chenle finding out how pathetic Jisung truly feels crosses his mind for a second too long.
He can imagine the way Chenle would look at him, piercing gaze directly on his.
Would he be disgusted? Maybe he'll act like nothing happened and simply get away from Jisung.
A voice in the back of his head proposes a new scenario, one so delusional and deranged that Jisung has to physically shake his head to try and make it go away. It does not, somehow that makes it take even more force.
The fantasy of Chenle taking pity on him and maybe even allowing Jisung to chase his own release on the bed.
"Hyung" he starts, emboldened by his longing, the honorific gets Chenle's attention like clockwork.
Chenle looks up at him, pupils dilated and overly concentrated in his task.
"Can I" Jisung continues, but he feels as if he cannot speak now that Chenle's eyes are scrutinizing his every move.
Luckily for him, if there is something Chenle has mastered after all these years it is reading Jisung's expressions.
"Jji?" Chenle's look shifts to one of concern, task now forgotten "is there something wrong?" His eyes look everywhere on Jisung's face, checking for any signs of discomfort.
Jisung feels his throat tighten, backing down from his previous resolve before even managing to voice his desire. He feels pathetic, unworthy of Chenle's attention.
He looks everywhere but Chenle's eyes, the latter stops his ministrations completely and sits just above Jisung's lower abdomen, looking at him.
He appears to be fairly confused by Jisung's sudden uneasiness, until his constant movements cease for a brief moment, his face lights up in an eerie way and Jisung is certain that he has discovered the reason of his embarrassment.
He waits quietly for Chenle's reaction, as if speaking or breathing too loudly could flare up the bonfire he was getting burned at.
Chenle is still looking at him, his tongue peaks out to wet his lips and Jisung's eyes get lost in the small movement.
That might be why it takes him by surprise the moment Chenle sits right on top of his hard on, pressing him into the bed.
He lets out a moan, partially out of surprise and mostly out of pleasure from the weight of Chenle's hard on against his own.
He's in pure bliss as Chenle starts moving almost immediately after, the friction between their swim trunks sending small shocks off pleasure through his body. Chenle is borderline rough to him, not that Jisung is complaining.
The first moan to come out of Chenle's mouth startles him to a point where he realizes he has been simply sitting there for the last minute, letting Chenle do everything by himself.
His hands find a way to both sides of Chenle's waist as the latter picks up the pace even more, Jisung's head feels like cotton candy. Dizziness taking over any coherent thoughts he could be forming.
It feels insanely good, to the point he instinctively thrusts into the other the moment he feels the pace pick up, his head is laying against a pillow and he's desperately clutching the fabric of Chenle's swim shirt, as if having something to hold onto would keep him grounded.
His eyes are watery, his breaths are short of length and quick of pace, he looks up at Chenle's face, eyes closed and chin pointing upwards, the hair of his bangs has started sticking to his forehead from the sweat and his milky thighs keep Jisung in place as he basically rides him into oblivion over his precum stained swim shorts.
He feels mesmerized, simply unable to take his eyes off of Chenle in all his splendor.
For a second he is amazed at the latter's stamina, he wonders how long he's been going and finds out he has no idea how long it has been since Chenle pressed him against the door.
Jisung feels the pressure build up as a tear starts rolling down his cheek, he is full on whimpering and still holding onto the fabric of Chenle's swim shirt, which has been stretched too far now due to his constant pulling.
He feels one of Chenle's hands go down from his shoulder and search for his own, he looks into his eyes which are now open and finds Chenle smiling sweetly at him, before taking Jisung's index finger and putting it right into his mouth.
Jisung's teary eyes open wide, as he realizes what Chenle is doing, what he is alluding to.
That night three years ago.
They never talked about it after it happened so Jisung had resorted to convince himself that Chenle's liquor induced state was both the cause of such a moment and the reason why Chenle seemed to not remember anything the morning after.
It was dumb, in retrospective the idea of playing truth or dare when it was just the two of them made no sense and somehow they ended up doing that anyways.
Perhaps it was because Chenle was tipsy and Jisung was lovesick.
On accord to some joke that probably had only made sense in Chenle's mind, he had dared Jisung to lick his index finger for ten seconds. Jisung had declined and had downed a shot even before Chenle had finished his sentence.
"Oh come on! It can't be so bad" Chenle had complained "Boo, you're no fun at all" he pouted.
"Lele that was an awful idea" Jisung had laughed as he sucked on a lime "plus, I don't even know where your fingers have been"
"Excuse me?!" Chenle retorted "My fingers are very clean, for your information" he pointed at Jisung, trying to be menacing but ultimately making him look like an angry kitten in Jisung's eyes.
"Bad-mouthing my immaculate cleanliness for no reason!" Chenle accused him and Jisung was laughing so hard he almost felt out of breath.
"That's not even how you use that word into a sentence" He counterattacked
"It so is!" Chenle said, sticking out his tongue like he used to do when they were five.
"It is not!" He had said.
"Whatever, you're just jealous of my broad lexicon" Chenle teased and laughed at his own joke until Jisung had seen his eyes light up like they did every-time Chenle was about to say something that was going to effectively leave Jisung speechless.
"I bet ten thousand that the reason you didn't wanna lick my finger is because you're into that" He'd said laughing hard, as if he had just said the funniest thing in the world.
Meanwhile, Jisung felt as if a bucket of cold water was just thrown over his head.
He was no longer dizzy from the booze, as a matter of fact he felt like he had never been more conscious in his life.
The room falls silent and Jisung was sure that Chenle had just noticed that he is was not laughing, as a matter of fact he looked lost.
"Dude" Chenle said simply, sounding surprised "Don't tell me"
"Chenle" Jisung warned unfruitfully, Chenle's grin had gotten broader as he scooted closer to Jisung on their sofa.
"Don't worry I'm not shaming you" Chenle had said with his hands up as a sign of peace "I'm just curious"
"About what?" Jisung had asked back despite his better judgment.
Chenle had stroked his chin for a second, as if he was thinking.
"Like, could you get hard just from that?" He had asked looking directly at Jisung's eyes.
Jisung wished he could teleport simply to avoid that exact question, he felt his cheeks getting warmer.
"Le, I'm not answering that" He had said, wishing for the night to be over.
Chenle looked disappointed and Jisung had figured out that the conversation is done.
Until he felt Chenle's hand take his own, and a moment later his index and middle fingers are introduced into the warmth of Chenle's mouth, the saliva had stuck to his skin and he could feel Chenle's tongue circle around his fingers and a not so small whimper left his mouth before he could control it.
Chenle looked him directly in the eyes, something Jisung does not recognize shines in his.
In the end he had scaredly ran off to his bedroom, eyes teary and half hard in his pants.
Chenle had shown no signs of remembering what had happened until a few months ago, when he had licked Jisung's fingers clean off the sauce he had used for dinner.
Jisung had attributed such moment to his own treacherous brain, thinking he had effectively hallucinated Chenle's actions lasting far too long.
Yet here they are, Chenle is quite literally humping on his hard on and Jisung's fingers are inside his mouth.
Chenle licks his fingers with a precision not akin to someone who is roughly riding their best friend with their clothes still on.
And somehow Jisung feels hypnotized, eyes locked in the way Chenle's tongue comes out of his mouth and circles his fingers one at a time, sometimes playfully biting the knuckles and throughly coating them in saliva.
He is so close that his vision gets blurry and he can feel both his and Chenle's thrusts get more erratic with every second that passes.
His breath hitches and he lets out a broken moan as his release finally comes, his eyes tear up and he holds Chenle's waist helping him move and chase out his own release that seems closer than ever as he is still halfway through his own. Chenle comes too with a loud groan and then falls flat on top of Jisung's chest.
They're both breathing hard and Jisung's other hand comes to circle around Chenle's waist, loving the warmth of his skin against Chenle's.
The latter gets up enough to look at Jisung directly in the eyes and then smiles before getting up from the bed, removing his shorts under the following gaze of a very surprised Jisung.
Chenle laughs at his reaction, toying with the hem of his boxers and Jisung would be embarrassed of the fact that his mouth was almost watering if it wasn't because Chenle had just single–handedly rode him into what was probably the best orgasm of his life.
"Boys, dinner will be ready in twenty!" His mother's voice on the other side of the door startles him back into reality, getting up from the bed.
His throat feels dry but he somehow manages to spit out a convincing "Thanks eomma, we'll see you in a bit!" before frantically starting to run around the room.
Chenle on the other side looks lost until Jisung touches his shoulder, urging him to get his own clothes.
When they somehow manage to make it in time for dinner, they're received with the sight of a giant cake with a giant number Twenty–three on the very top.
Chenle is smiling brightly as he thanks Jisung's mom for the rest of the night, overjoyed by the gesture.
"It's the least we could do for you, you're like a son to us" she says, hugging the soon to be birthday boy.
Jisung wonders where exactly he has to sign so that his days can feel like this for the rest of his life.
The thought makes rounds inside his head before he realizes what exactly he is asking for.
They move their conversation to the living room until the clock strikes midnight.
And if he hugs Chenle harder than normal and way too long for it to be appropriate even for a birthday hug to the point where he feels his mother's all–knowing stare burn holes into his back, he knows he's too far gone.
And if he pretends to sleep as he feels the weight shifting on his bed followed by the warmth of Zhong Chenle's arms engulfing him, who would be the one to blame a man in love.
Christmas break after what had happened in Mykonos feels like a blur in Chenle's head.
Going back to the peace and quiet of his childhood bedroom in Shanghai had to be the weirdest feeling after one finds out that he's potentially in love with his best friend.
At least to Chenle it was. He couldn't help but feel lost every-time he got reminded of what had happened, what he had almost done and what he did that night after everyone had gone to sleep.
He knows for a fact that if it had not been for Jisung's mom knocking on the door, he would have pulled his underwear down and gone back onto the bed with the sole purpose of begging Jisung to fuck him.
Chenle now spends a significant portion of his brain activity, minutes just before sleeping wondering if Jisung would've complied with his selfish request.
He feels guilty, incredibly so. Which is perhaps the reason why there's a message from Jisung dating from one week ago sitting in his notifications, a simple "Did you do much today?" That appears to be laughing right in Chenle's face.
It feels almost like a tangible proof that Jisung cares about him and that is getting into Chenle's head, the idea that Jisung might have said yes, that he would have fucked Chenle right then and there. That he might feel at least half of what Chenle is too scared to admit out loud.
It starts feeling like divine punishment four days later, when Chenle dreams about it for the first time.
He answers Jisung's text first thing that morning, after getting out from his shock.
It somehow subsides after Chenle decides to start planning his days in order to spend his every waking moment without having to think about it, exercising morning and night so that tiredness gets the better of him as soon as his body touches the bed.
And he believes he is over it, over his stupid delusions of Jisung ever entertaining something more than a rushedly done dry humping session.
But the worst comes when he realizes it was not even about how lustful he had felt at that moment when he starts missing Jisung's laugh and mistakenly calls him in the middle of the night, horrified when the latter answers at the second tone.
"Lele?" The voice that greets him over the phone is rough. He was clearly sleeping, Chenle thinks.
His body enters a state of panic, he clutches the phone in his hand, sighing deeply before speaking.
"Jji" he exhales "I'm sorry, I dialed by mistake" he lies through his teeth.
He is greeted with Jisung's warm laugh on the other side of the line, the same he so greatly missed.
"Don't worry" He says "I was kinda wondering what you were up to" he admits and Chenle feels himself warm up.
"Not much" He answers, feeling almost awkward "You?"
"I was watching a movie before sleeping" Jisung says
"Oh which movie was it?" Chenle asks
The conversation flows from there and before Chenle knows he is waking up in the morning from the sound of his own alarm clock, he has two text messages from Jisung.
I think u fell asleep
Sleep well Lele <3
Chenle feels a warm feeling extending around his body, smiling so hard he probably looks ridiculous.
His treacherous mind however, has other plans. Did Jisung's message mean he was truly asleep when Chenle got into his bed the night of his birthday? And if so, Chenle had nothing to be afraid of about his feelings being found out, not after he had selfishly placed a kiss on Jisung's forehead that night before cuddling him to sleep.
They keep texting, calling and even video-call on New Year's.
Chenle keeps dreaming about Jisung from time to time, his voice, his laugh, his touch. He keeps quiet, but deep down he knows that he's too far gone.
The start of the new semester was approaching and Chenle had already made peace with the fact that it was both his and Jisung's last one.
He wonders how things are going to change after they both graduate, do they keep living in the same arrangement?
He had already put aside his father for the talk on the holidays, how he was not going back to China after graduation and was instead going to help on the company branch that was developing in Korea.
He had been thinking about it for a while, yet he had not found the right time to tell Jisung.
The week before classes started had always been the time for Chenle to do a trial run of his schedule, to get his sleep schedule back on track from vacations and check his routines for basketball practice and everything of the sort.
He had stepped down as captain after two years of being in the position, his last semester was all for his thesis. He would still go to practice and play in some games but not as regularly as he used to.
On Monday he woke up at 8 in the morning and made his and Jisung's breakfast.
The latter had opted for going to the gym on the afternoons this semester due to most of his classes being in the morning, so they were both sitting at the breakfast table after a long time.
There had been no more 'incidents' in the past week and neither could Chenle feel any type of tension, almost as if it was never there but rather on Chenle's mind. That had been bothering him for a while now.
Jisung looked as hot as always, even if he was wearing a simple white oasis shirt and some pajama pants. His black hair was disheveled and he was eating his breakfast looking lost.
Chenle found the view particularly adorable, feeling all fuzzy inside.
Monday went by without any inconveniences, Jisung had gone to the gym in the afternoon and had come home to Chenle already making dinner for the both of them.
It felt oddly domestic yet Chenle did not mind in the slightest.
On Tuesday Chenle wakes up in a cold sweat, it is five–thirty in the morning and he just had a dream about being on a ship sailing across the Yellow Sea, the destination was Seoul but they had gotten caught in the middle of a storm.
As the ship sank, he had seen a faint light in the distance, just seconds before the cold water had submerged his whole body and before he knew it he could no longer breathe.
He stays still in his bed after waking up, figuring out whether he should try to go back to sleep or just wake up two hours before his alarm goes off.
Ultimately he goes to the kitchen and starts making breakfast for two, mostly out of habit. Once he has eaten he lets Jisung's oats chill in the fridge and decides to take Daegal on a long walk.
Jisung texts him three hours later about his whereabouts, Chenle gets distracted by getting in line for a random designer brand pop–up that he finds walking around the city.
After that he decides to just go along with the day and go out by himself, at some point he gets to a museum. He is already carrying Daegal in his arms before he decides it's time for lunch.
He pops into a random restaurant after checking that it is pet friendly.
He gets back to their apartment two hours later, after calling a taxi to get back.
Jisung had texted him that he was going to the gym earlier today so he does not find him at home when he arrives.
Chenle wonders what he should do, settling for plopping on their couch and finding a movie to watch.
"I'm home!" Jisung gets home when Chenle is barely twenty minutes into the movie.
"Hi Jji" Chenle greets him.
Jisung is clearly sweaty, compression shirt on and water bottle in one hand. Chenle is placed with the Achillean task of looking nowhere but Jisung's eyes.
"What movie are you watching?" Jisung asks instead.
"Death becomes her" Chenle answers.
"The Meryl Streep one?" He asks
"Yeah" he answers half heartedly
"Can I watch with you?" Jisung looks at him expectantly.
"Sure" Chenle shrugs, "I'll go make some snacks while you shower" He says before Jisung has the chance of sitting on their pristine white sofa all sweaty.
Jisung runs to his room and Chenle finds it almost endearing to watch.
He gets himself to work, anything to avoid a single thought about how Jisung's body looked in that compression shirt.
Had he gotten bigger? It definitely looked like he did.
As far as Chenle knows, Jisung had been consistent on his goal even on the holidays, sending him pictures from time to time. Six times to be precise, not that Chenle was counting though. Even less, he definitely had not saved all of them to his phone.
He is a little too distracted by his thoughts to notice how he is not gripping the cup he's serving their drinks in hard enough, which is why it is no surprise when it slips out of his hand and collides with the floor and breaks into a hundred fragments.
"Fuck" he swears before he stars making his way to get a sweeper just so he can clean the mess he just made.
He does not take into account that the cup already had liquid, and he can feel himself slipping on the wet floor the next moment, he tries to grab onto the kitchen counter with no luck but at least he manages to fall in the opposite direction of where the glass had scattered around the floor.
His body falls down with a loud thud.
"Chenle" he can hear Jisung in the distance, he imagines his small commotion must have caused some noise and the other went to check.
The next thing he knows is that he is getting picked up by a pair of strong arms and moved to their sofa, he feels his own back fall against the cushions and looks up to find Jisung's face who is kneeling on the floor beside him, looking at him worriedly.
"Are you okay?" He asks concerned.
"I am" Chenle says, sitting up "Sorry, I got distracted" he apologizes
"It's fine" Jisung complies, now at Chenle's eye level "Still, let me check if you didn't get hurt"
"Of course you want to–" Chenle never quite finishes his sentence for he is left speechless as he realizes that Jisung is wearing his previous sweatpants, with nothing else on.
Chenle can feel his face rapidly growing warmer as he stays still in his seat. Jisung does not seem to notice his nervous behavior as he is too busy checking Chenle's feet and overall body to make sure he is okay.
Chenle's eyes start at Jisung's collarbones following them down to his shoulders then they follow his veins down to his now well formed biceps, mouth hanging open at how well filled they look.
He looks at his pectorals and his breath hitches, he is so close and every light is on so he can see every little mole, every single drop of sweat currently running down his torso as his eyes now focus on Jisung's abdomen and how well defined his six–pack appears to be.
What really gets Chenle going however, is the way Jisung's sweatpants are hanging low enough for him to see his well defined v line.
"Chenle?" Jisung voice snaps him out of his mind.
Chenle looks up at Jisung, when did he get so close to him? His cheeks heat up even more at the proximity of Jisung's face to his own.
"You don't look so good" Jisung says, face getting even closer "Are you sure you're okay?" He asks
Chenle's hands might as well have a mind of their own, for they end up in both sides of Jisung's bare waist. Jisung looks surprised at the action.
"Chenle?" He looks slightly nervous, eyes not meeting Chenle's despite how close their faces are.
He looks at Jisung's face for a moment too long as his right hand comes up to his neck, he sees the way his lashes curve and how his lips part slightly, tongue peeking to wet his lower lip. Chenle knows he is getting far too close and that he should stop himself, yet Jisung seems to be looking at him expectantly.
In Chenle's mind that look feels daring, as if it was fire fueling all of Chenle's deepest delusions. Jisung bites his lower lip ever so slightly and Chenle can not possibly take this a moment longer.
Chenle closes the distance between their faces and bites Jisung's lower lip in between his teeth playfully, then he carefully licks the bitten lip to clash his lips against Jisung's a second later, effectively kissing him.
His hand holds Jisung's jaw and his own lips move hungrily against Jisung's, yet the latter seems to be eerily still. Chenle catches on it a moment after and separates their lips to see Jisung's eyes open in surprise.
Chenle's stomach sinks, this is not happening. There is no way Jisung is rejecting him.
"Ji?" He asks and Jisung looks at him in the eyes, Chenle's head moves forward to place another kiss on Jisung's lips but the latter moves his face away. He feels strangely empty all off sudden. "I thought you-" He starts yet he can't finish, he thought Jisung wanted him too.
His whole face is devoid of any emotion save for surprise and the stillness of his body.
The silence that installs itself in the room is so profound that he could even hear it if a nail dropped.
Chenle is hit with the overwhelming need to run away.
And that is exactly what he does, he gets up from the couch and takes his keys before opening the door.
He can hear Jisung calling his name after he closes the door, the sound seemingly having taken him out of his shock.
Chenle does not go back.
He is down at their building's parking lot in a frenzy and before he knows, he is already driving himself somewhere.
To think it had started with simple fascination and a gym invitation.
All of this had brought Chenle to where he was right now, having a nervous breakdown in Jeno's dorm over being rejected by his best friend.
He runs his hands through his hair almost frantically as the latter gives him a bottle of water, he takes off the cap from the bottle and takes a long, uninterrupted sip.
"Dude" He says looking concerned "What's wrong?"
"I have a problem" Chenle hesitates, looking at the framed picture on top of the desk.
It was from almost two years ago, when they had won the national championship. The trophy was clearly the central element of the shot and Chenle remembered the moment as such, even how he held it proudly. So why is he looking at Jisung in the picture instead?
Had he always been so obvious? Even before he himself knew about his feelings?
"What's the issue man?" Jeno asks him, concerned.
Chenle figures he has nothing to lose if he tells him.
"I just, feel like I'm going insane I genuinely keep thinking about him incessantly, no matter what I'm doing. It's been like this for months ever since he started" He rants.
"Okay calm down a bit, have some more water" He says trying to calm Chenle "Him? Who is this about?" He asks cautiously.
"Park Jisung" Chenle says, worried that saying the name would somehow teleport Jisung to where he is.
Jeno looks at him in surprise, as if he was trying hard not to ask too many things.
"Ji?" Jeno replies "Did you two have a fight now?" He asks concerned, looking seconds away from calling for help on their group chat.
"What? No. It actually started six months ago." Chenle says, remembering that Tuesday morning.
He wonders if it had truly started there, given the way he was looking at Jisung in the picture framed on top of Jeno's desk.
"Chenle, look at me" he says and Chenle realizes he had been spacing out "What happened six months ago?"
Chenle's eyes find Jeno's in the dimly lit room, he swallows heavily.
"He started going to the gym regularly" Chenle admits, ever so embarrassed.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Jeno asks, almost sarcastically but still concerned.
"You don't get it!" Chenle explodes "He's so–" he catches himself before he can call his best friend hot in front of Jeno.
"So?" Jeno urges him to continue.
Chenle swallows nervously, had the ceiling always been this interesting?
"Chenle?" Jeno asks again "He's so what? Has he treated you in any way?" He is closer to Chenle now almost distressed.
"Lele!" The voice behind the door startles them both.
Chenle could probably recognize that voice better that his own, it was the voice he had been hearing all of his life, which he even heard in his dreams.
"Is that?" Jeno asks, getting up from the bed and close to the door.
Chenle's mind is running wild. Why was Jisung here? Did he come for Chenle? How did he even know where Chenle was?
Chenle's hand goes to his hoodie's pocket. And there it is, his phone which Jisung has the location of. Of course, it is not as if Chenle had particularly thought his runaway plan through.
Jeno looks at Chenle one last time before opening the door, just enough to peek at Jisung on the other side.
"Good afternoon Ji" he says ever so calm.
"Is Lele here?" Jisung on the other hand, sounds as if he had just ran a marathon.
"Are you okay?" Jeno asks instead
"Yeah I'm just" Jisung says "I need to find Chenle" Jisung's voice sounds choppy, as if he was about to start crying "I have to tell him something important" he finishes, voice almost breaking.
Chenle gets up from the chair.
He knows that he needs to face rejection, despite the voice in his head saying that he simply should not talk to Jisung ever again, just listening to the latter's voice sounding hurt he knows that he can not possibly do something like that, because he is in love with Park Jisung.
He touches Jeno's shoulder and he turns to him.
"I'll talk to him" Chenle says and Jeno smiles briefly before opening the door.
"Ji–" it's all he can get out as Jisung's body collides against his, hugging him tightly.
Chenle's arms wrap around the other's body as if it was muscle memory.
"Jisung, we have to move" he says with his back pressed against the hallway's walls.
"Lele" Jisung manages to say before Chenle feels a wetness on his shoulder and Jisung's body starts shaking.
Chenle is bewildered at Jisung's reaction, yet he knows that it would be better if they talked about this somewhere else. Preferably not in front of Jeno's dorm door.
"Jji" he says softly, taking Jisung's jaw in his hand and stroking the latter's hair with the other "Let's go home, yeah?" Jisung looks at him, tears streaming down his face and nose red from crying, he nods approvingly.
"Thanks Jeno!" Chenle says when passing by the door, taking Jisung's hand in his and interwining their fingers.
He smiles to himself, there might be hope.
Back at home, Chenle sits on their sofa and gestures for Jisung to do the same. He complies shyly, not looking at Chenle's eyes.
Chenle sighs, he is apparently doing this.
"You're incredibly important for me" He starts "And I could not possibly imagine a life without you" He takes Jisung's hand in his own.
"I'm in love with you" He says, gripping Jisung's hand "Might have always been, to be honest I thought it had started when your muscles started getting bigger, but there is pictures from before that and I'm already looking at you as if you were my whole world. And you might as well be" Chenle is aware that he is ranting but somehow he can not seem to stop
"So if you're to reject me, please do so now" Chenle says closing his eyes then waiting, but Jisung does not seem to answer "Also it might be a bad idea to keep growing your muscles, I can barely handle how much I want you to fuck me as it is." He laughs nervously at his own secret being admitted out loud.
"If you're open to that maybe we could, repeat the Mykonos thing?" Chenle tries to joke, mentally slapping himself in the face. Why did he even think that would be funny now?
"Jisung?" He calls the latter after the silence keeps growing, he lifts his look up from where he was focused on their hands to find Jisung quietly crying.
"Le" he says tears streaming down his face and Chenle is rightfully astonished "I only started going to the gym because I was jealous that you didn't look at me" He admits, crying harder and burying his face on Chenle's neck.
Astonished falls short to describe how Chenle feels right at this moment, after such a revelation is dumped on him as if it was a bucket of ice cold water.
"What do you mean?" He asks cautious, patting Jisung's back reassuringly.
"That time you got drunk and started waxing poetry about how perfect Jaemin and Jeno's muscles were" Jisung hics and Chenle thinks it's the cutest sound ever "And I was so jealous so I begged Jaemin to take me to the gym with him" he sobs and Chenle's hand pats his head carefully.
"Why were you jealous?" Chenle can not help but asking.
"Isn't it obvious?" Jisung looks at Chenle "I've liked you since that one time only you showed up to my birthday sleepover" He drops that absolute bomb of information at Chenle's unsuspecting mind.
He opens his eyes in surprise, counting how many years had passed since that moment.
"You've liked me for six years now?" Chenle is overwhelmed with his feelings "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks
"I just didn't think that you had any interest in dating" Jisung scratches his neck nervously "Or in me, if I'm honest thats why I was basically in shock before, I'm sorry" he adds.
Chenle feels almost offended, he is struck with the realization that he had always cared about Jisung in a particularly special way. It all made sense now.
"I am" he deadpans "Interested in you, I mean" Jisung's cheeks look pink.
"Oh" Jisung smiles "I'm also interested in you" He adds
"So" Chenle starts "Can I kiss you?" He asks this time.
"Please" Jisung exhales, already centimeters away from his face.
They both get closer until their lips clash, Chenle's hand cups Jisung's jaw and Jisung's arm circles his waist.
The kiss tastes like tears and it's full of saliva, teeth clashing and sighs. He wouldn't want it any other way.
Chenle is starving, if anything he had never eaten such a rewardingly delicious meal. He loses no time getting on top of Jisung's lap, not wasting a moment to start moving searching for pressure.
"Lele, shouldn't we go a bit slower?" Jisung asks, separating from Chenle's lips.
"Says the one who’s liked me for six whole years" Chenle teases, placing a quick peck on Jisung's lips.
"That's something else entirely!" Jisung defends himself.
Chenle laughs, kissing him again. Tongue licking Jisung's lower lip, then exploring the inside of his mouth, the moment their tongues touch it feels like an electric shock that descends down his spine, he feels something poking his thigh.
"Ji" He says "Are you hard right now?" He asks playfully
Jisung open's his eyes in surprise, blush creeping down his neck.
"I'm not?" He says but it sounds as if he was asking Chenle instead of an affirmation.
Chenle smiles, because he can feel that he is.
"Of course you're not" He states, moving his hips forward. Laughing at how Jisung's face changes immediately.
His eyes are fully open, his brown hair looks fluffy, his cheeks have a pinkish hue and his mouth is pouting a little. Chenle thinks he looks like a puppy.
An 1.8m tall puppy. But still one regardless of height and how big his muscles had gotten lately.
"You're so cute" Chenle says sweetly, squishing Jisung's face with his thumb and index fingers "Such a cute puppy" Jisung breathes harshly and tries to look down.
"Le" he mumbles.
"Shy? All off a sudden?" He chuckles.
"What?" Jisung says exalted "I'm not!" He defends himself, still pouting and somehow that makes him look even cuter.
Chenle gives him a quick peck.
“You’re so pathetic” Chenle says, licking his lips slowly. His skin feels as if it is going to burn down if it does not touch Jisung’s anytime soon.
“If I’m so pathetic then why do you like me?” Jisung asks, clearly this time. Chenle can see how the playful tone of his answer holds a small speck of insecurity.
“Don’t get me wrong” He says, caressing the back of Jisung’s hair “I love pathetic” his palm grabs a hold of Jisung’s brown hair as he pulls him towards himself, mouths clashing in a ravenous kiss.
Chenle parts their mouths slightly after what feels like an eternity and a mere second all together. The breath Jisung exhales hits him in the face as their sweaty foreheads rest against each other. He needs to take a breather as well.
“So” He says, breathing heavily “Are you gonna fuck me, puppy?”
Jisung swallows thickly, looking nervous and still he looks up at Chenle.
“Please” He blurts out, cheeks reddening as he realizes his mistake “I mean, yeah”
Chenle smiles, grabbing Jisung’s hair harder and delightfully taking in how his eyes get teary and cheeks get blushy.
“All that strength” He says, moving on top of Jisung’s hard on, the friction of the fabrics of their pants rubbing each other making Jisung gasp “and you let me handle you like this”
“Chenle, please” Jisung says, as if those were the only two words on his vocabulary.
“Use your words pup” he answers, almost smugly.
“Need to be inside you” Jisung practically begs him, hips thrusting upwards to try and increase the pleasure he’s getting from Chenle’s hard on against his own.
Chenle loses no time getting up from Jisung’s lap despite the latter’s hands on his waist clinging to him.
Jisung’s eyes follow his every move, as Chenle runs to his room and gets back a minute later with a bottle of lube clenched on his right hand, he takes a second to appreciate the view of a worked up Jisung on their sofa, zip up hoodie half open and waiting for him.
Chenle pulls both his pants and underwear down in one go, under the surprised gaze of an embarrassed and clearly aroused Park Jisung.
“Finger me” He says, throwing the bottle at him. Jisung surprisingly didn’t need to be told twice, uncapping the bottle albeit slowly.
Meanwhile, Chenle had gone back to his spot on top of his lap, now preoccupied by unzipping Jisung’s hoodie and rejoicing on the fruits of his best friend’s hard work.
Despite only two fingers being inside of him Chenle already feels so full.
“Jji, I’m ready” he says, ever so demanding.
“But” Jisung says, looking concerned.
“Park Jisung” He tries being menacing despite feeling as if he’s going to explode.
When the first thrust hits there’s not enough self-control in Chenle’s body to stop himself from moaning.
As the thrusts progressively get faster he gets louder, he can see Jisung's eyes tearing up and cannot help himself from licking a tear that streams down his cheek.
"You're so" he whimpers "good to me, puppy" he caresses Jisung's hair before resting his head against his shoulder.
And if the last thing he does after Jisung hits the spot one too many times is biting his neck hard enough to leave a mark, one should not blame Chenle too much.
As they both lay down in Jisung's bed that night Chenle gets hit with the realization that they have yet to label their relationship properly.
"Jji, are you awake?" Jisung hums half-asleep
"Would you be my boyfriend?" Chenle asks directly
Jisung turns around to face Chenle. Looking fairly surprised and suddendly not sleepy at all.
"I thought I already was?" He looks confused
"I just wanted to ask" Chenle reiterated
"Of course, it will be this for as long as life would let us" Jisung hugs him.
"Maybe I should have asked you to marry me instead” Chenle says more to himself but loud enough for Jisung to hear.
"What?" He says
"I mean, your mom even said that she was glad to have me as a son in law" Chenle says, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
Jisung props himself using his arm to look directly at Chenle's eyes.
"She did what now?" Jisung asks
"Yeah, when she congratulated me for my birthday. So I think it's safe to say that we won't have any issues there" He adds
"Chenle you're not asking me to marry you whilst we're in bed about to sleep" Jisung is clearly bothered by the suggestion.
"So what I'm hearing is that I need to prepare an elaborate proposal, noted" He teases Jisung who seems to be slightly losing it, much to Chenle's enjoyment.
"Zhong Chenle!" He reprimands.
"Don't worry, you won't see it coming" He adds cryptically.
"Let's just sleep" Jisung sighs, getting back under the covers.
At last, Chenle gained a hot boyfriend and he could not be more unbothered by what it took to get here, he would do it all over again if it meant Jisung waking up by his side.