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The agency was unnaturally calm, which meant something was about to happen. And of course, it did. Yosano burst out of her office, stomping over to Dazai and Ranpo. Both men were quietly discussing something on the couch until she stood in front of them.
No one in the agency spared them a glance—everyone was used to their antics by now.
“Yosano-sensei! What’s up?” Dazai asked, looking up at her.
“You and Ranpo are coming to the mall with me.”
Dazai checked his imaginary watch. “I’m busy right now.” The comment made Yosano sigh through her nose. Since when was Dazai ever busy?
She clicked her tongue in annoyance. “It wasn’t a question.”
Ranpo started sucking a lollipop he’d gotten out of his pocket. “And why should we go with you, Yosano-san?” His voice sounded weird due to the sucker.
“Because if you don’t,” she reminded him. “I’ll tell everyone what you were telling me last night about how Poe—“
She was interrupted by the young detective who was now uncharacteristically red-faced. “Fine! I’ll go!”
Dazai flicked his eyes between the two before simply raising his eyebrows. Nobody provided him an answer. Instead of waiting any longer, he asked, “What’s in it for me?”
Yosano thought for a moment. “I won’t cut your arms off.”
His eyes widened slightly before he turned away. “I guess I’ll clear my schedule,” he mumbled.
She grinned.
By the time they finally arrived at the mall, Yosano was already starting to regret not asking Atsushi or Kenji instead. Ranpo had gotten lost twice, claiming he “saw some sweets he absolutely had to get.” It wasn’t until he was reminded of Yosano’s threat that he stopped wandering around.
Dazai, on the other hand, wouldn’t stop walking up to women asking for a double suicide. He got smacked so many times—too many to count. At one point, Yosano was pretty sure he got kicked in his soft spot. Safe to say, Dazai was still complaining (although, to be fair, it did look like it hurt).
In the mall, Yosano excitedly ran over to a clothing store, ignoring the groans of the men she was dragging behind her. She began picking dresses from the rack when her hand bumped into someone else’s. (How cliche, am I right?) When Yosano turned to look at the other person, she wasn’t able to hold in her gasp.
It was Kouyou. Her hair, which was usually in a bun, was instead in a long braid that went over her shoulder. She wore a light pink button-up shirt with flared blue jeans. Her shoes were the same heels she usually had on. Yosano could feel her face heating up.
“Oh uh, sorry!”
Kouyou smiled. “No worries. Are you here alone?”
Kunikida would’ve been disappointed with the speed she answered the question (something about not giving information to the enemy or whatever). “No! I’m here with—“
“Ane-san, do you think this would be fine?”
The person who interrupted her was Chuuya Nakahara. He cut himself off when he saw Yosano. He had on a black graphic tee and baggy sweat pants. The black choker was still secured tightly around his neck, but what made Yosano raise an eyebrow were his hands. His signature black gloves were gone. Now, it wasn’t the hands themselves that made her pause (just normal hands with black painted nails); what really made her surprised was the fact that he had a ring around one of his fingers. The ring was simple—gold with two black diamonds—but it was on his ring finger. Meaning Nakahara was married.
“You have a husband?” Yosano blurted out before she could stop herself.
Nakahara looked taken aback for a moment, before giving her a lighthearted chuckle. “Yeah, I—“ He suddenly realized what she said. “Hah? What do you mean husband?”
Yosano’s face burned in embarrassment. “Well, I mean…”
Luckily, she was spared from the mafioso’s wrath by Dazai and Ranpo running up to her.
“Look, Yosano-san!” Ranpo held out a large ice cream cone. It was loaded with so many toppings that she could barely tell what flavor it was. “There was an ice cream stand!”
Dazai stood off to the side holding another smaller cone, with considerably less on it.
Finally, the two men noticed their company.
“Oh, it’s you. Hi Mr. Fancy Hat.” Ranpo waved, making his ice cream wobble dangerously.
Dazai snickered. He looked Nakahara up and down. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work? Or maybe the dog park?”
To no one’s surprise, the detective was immediately hit in his leg, making him crouch over in pain.
Before the fight went any further, Yosano spoke up. “Dazai, did you know Nakahara-san is married?”
Both men froze like deer in headlights. Dazai was quick to recover. “Huh? The slug, married? Who would wanna marry you?”
Nakahara seemed like he wanted to say something, but held back.
Behind her, Yosano heard quiet giggles. When she turned, Ranpo smacked a hand over his mouth, which did nothing to stop the laughter. Even Kouyou had a slight smile on her face.
They definitely knew something.
Yosano walked up to Ranpo with a warning glare. He audibly gulped. “Spill. I know you know something.”
He mimed zipping his lips shut.
Kouyou placed a hand on her shoulder. Yosano backed up instantly. Ranpo wiggled his eyebrows at her, to which she responded by mouthing Poe at him. Wisely, he shut up.
The group all decided to stick together while shopping. The girls especially had fun dressing up the guys in all sorts of clothing. By the time they went back to the agency, Yosano was exhausted. Thankfully, nothing exciting happened while they were gone, since it was a slow day anyway.
Yosano thought about what she learned today. She wondered: if Nakahara was married, who was he married to?
(Little did she know, the answer was closer than she thought.)
Akutagawa knew Chuuya was married. How? He may or may not have heard it from the weretiger. (It wasn’t like they hung out after their jobs, they just happened to run into each other. And have each other’s numbers. And maybe they kissed—once or twice.) But anyway, that’s not the point. The point was that Chuuya was married, but Akutagawa didn’t know who he was married to. He wanted to ask, he just didn’t know when.
On this particular day, Akutagawa was just sitting with the rest of the Black Lizard, since Boss had no assignments for them so far. Hirotsu was off for the day, leaving someone else to deal with them. That someone was Akutagawa. Higuchi and Tachihara were doing something stupid—he didn’t know what; not that he cared at all, but knowing what his subordinates were doing would probably be helpful. He was just about to ask Gin what her best friend and boyfriend were doing until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He looked up (or rather, down) to see Chuuya. “Hello, Chuuya-san. Do you need something?”
“Are you doing anything important right now?”
Akutagawa looked back at the Black Lizard. “No.”
Chuuya smiled. “Meet me outside of the port mafia building with the Black Lizard. I already got Boss to clear us.”
He walked away before Akutagawa got to ask what he meant. What did he need outside the building? And he got Mori to clear them? Of what?
Regardless, he got his subordinates together and they walked out. They saw Chuuya waiting in front of his car.
“Ah, my boy! There you are. I was getting worried you wouldn’t come,” he teased. “Come on, get in.”
Higuchi stared at the open car door, bewildered. “Don’t mind me asking , Nakahara-san, but what is this for?”
“What is it for? Well, I’m just bored.”
Akutagawa sighed. “Bored?”
“Yeah, bored. Hop in.”
They ended up driving to the park. An odd choice for a bunch of mafiosos, but who cares? Higuchi and Tachihara immediately started running around, dragging Gin behind them. On the other hand, Chuuya and Akutagawa sat on a park bench, quietly conversing.
While talking to the executive, he noticed something on the corner of his eye. It was a familiar looking man with three children. His eyes widened when he realized it was Dazai.
“Dazai-san?” Akutagawa called out.
Higuchi, Gin, and Tachihara looked over from the swing set they were currently on at the mention of the detective. Tachihara’s mouth dropped open when he saw the children.
“Oh, uh, hello Akutagawa-san…”
One of the kids, a brunette girl with her hair half-up half-down, freckles, and light blue eyes, looked at Chuuya with wide eyes. “P—“
Dazai slapped a hand over her mouth.
“Otou-san why can’t—“ A brown-eyed girl with ginger pigtails was cut off by Dazai’s other hand.
A boy with partially heterochromic blue and brown eyes, brunette hair, and white glasses looked between his siblings. “If I say something, are you gonna do that to me?”
“Sasuke.”
“Okay otou-san.”
He slowly removed his hands from the kids’ mouths. Both girls looked irritated—which was to be expected.
“Dazai, what are you doing here?” Chuuya snarled, throwing an accusatory finger at the other man.
“What am I doing? What are you doing? I’m just trying to have a nice day with my kids, and you come here to ruin my day?”
“Dazai-san,” Gin interrupted. “You have kids?”
“Yes! These are my lovely kids! Say hi.”
“I’m Sasuke,” the brunette boy said. “That’s my twin sister, Akane,” The brown-haired girl looked away shyly, “and our younger sister Emi.”
“But, if these are your kids, then who’s the mom?” Tachihara asked.
Dazai snorted. “They don’t have one.”
Tachihara’s eyes widened. He practically folded in half, startling everyone. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry for your loss. I didn’t mean to assume.”
This time, Chuuya laughed. “Loss?”
“I-I mean if they don’t have a mom, she might’ve died,” he explained, face glowing red.
Gin laughed at their boyfriend’s embarrassment. This made him even more ashamed.
“Ah, no need to apologize, Tachihara-kun. But no, their mom isn’t dead.”
“But then who…?”
Dazai shrugged dismissively. Before any more questions were asked, Emi began tugging on Dazai’s sleeve. “Otou-san, can we play tag with the red guy and his friends?”
Tachihara yelled, “Red guy?” at the same time Higuchi said, “Sure!”
Emi ran up to Chuuya and tapped his leg. “Tag, P—I mean sir!”
Chuuya grinned. The scarily mischievous glint in his eyes should have warned Akutagawa. With a sudden burst of speed, he was pounced on by the executive, knocking them both to the ground. Akutagawa hit the floor with a thud. Chuuya smirked at him from his position above.
“Tag, you’re it.”
Not wanting to be pounced on next, everyone sprinted in opposite directions, leaving Akutagawa on the floor by himself. He got up to chase after them.
The game had turned from just tag into some sort of hide and seek tag. Tachihara and Emi both hid together on top of a tree, and it took forever to find them and even longer to get them down. It had taken Chuuya threatening to throw them down with his gravity to get the pair to get out.
By the end of the game, everyone was worn out. Sasuke and Emi were both asleep on Dazai and (surprisingly) Akane made herself comfortable on Chuuya’s shoulder.
“Nakahara-san,” Higuchi whispered. “How come Akane-chan is so comfy with you?”
The executive shrugged. “I don’t know. She probably chose someone random to sleep on. But you gotta admit, she is kinda cute.”
Akutagawa nodded in agreement.
Suddenly, Dazai stood up with the two kids in his arms. “Ah, I better get going now. Slug, help me bring Akane to the car?”
Once they left, the group fell into a comfortable silence. The sun was already beginning to set, so they were washed in a warm, golden hue. Even Akutagawa could feel his eyelids drooping.
“Hey,” Higuchi started, cutting through the silence. “Don’t those kids kinda look like Nakahara-san?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Higuchi-san. How could they be Chuuya-san’s?”
“Ah, sorry Akutagawa-senpai!”
Atsushi glared at Dazai, who was walking next to him. He hadn’t planned to spend his morning running errands for his coworkers. The only reason he was here was because his mentor wouldn’t stop whining about being forced to do the errands himself. Kunikida, who had been fed up, asked Atsushi to go with Dazai. Of course, that had probably been Dazai’s plan the whole time, because he instantly shut up after Atsushi agreed.
“This is all your fault, you know?” He mumbled to the man who had started lagging behind. The nerve of him, honestly.
“My fault?” Dazai cried. Atsushi rolled his eyes at his dramatics. “How is this my fault?”
“I know you wanted me to come with you. You planned this, didn’t you?”
“Hehe, no comment!” Of course.
Their first stop was the grocery store. Kunikida asked them to pick up food for the agency kitchen, since they were running low. Lucy also asked them to get some ingredients for the cafe. Thankfully, the lists were pretty short—although that didn’t stop Dazai from making their trip harder on purpose.
The poor cashier had to sit through Dazai’s typical spiel about “double suicide” and “lovely women” for about half an hour. (And the customers behind them too. Boy, were they pissed at how long it took.) Surprisingly, she was very calm about it. She listened to the whole thing, occasionally adding her own comments. They ended up becoming friends(?) in a way, which was…interesting. Safe to say, it was one of the weirdest interactions Atsushi has ever seen.
After that, they had to go to a pharmacy to pick up bandages for Yosano. If Dazai stole a few, who would tell? (Atsushi. Atsushi would.) They also got a couple medicine bottles for her stock, and other various medical supplies. While holding a rather sharp scalpel, Atsushi shuddered thinking about the next person who needed to be healed. Thank goodness his ability allowed him to regenerate and heal.
When they were checking out, a masked man broke in demanding money. He was armed with a gun and a knife on his belt. Dazai practically started beaming when the guy showed up. Atsushi sighed, knowing what was about to happen.
“Hey sir,” Dazai gloated, walking up to the man with an air of confidence. “Do you know who we are?”
“What the…st-stand back! Or I’ll shoot!”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t let that happen. You see, we’re part of the Armed Detective Agency. You know what that is, right?”
You could see the realization and fear dawn onto the man. He tried to run, but Atsushi ran up behind him, transforming his hands into claws.
Swiftly, they were able to get the man down and call the police. Customers started cheering for them, which made Atsushi embarrassed. This was just their job, not anything special.
Dazai wouldn’t stop complaining about how close he was to his death; or how he should’ve let the man shoot, instead of letting his mentee arrest him.
Atsushi was tired.
Their final stop was a small sweets shop near the agency. It was (predictably) for Ranpo. Although, Atsushi had noted a slight smirk on Ranpo’s face when he told them about it. Oh well.
When they walked in, Dazai suddenly went silent. Atsushi could have laughed. Thank whatever was out there that his mentor stopped complaining. Hopefully, shopping would be easier now.
“Hm, let’s see, he wants…what?” Atsushi stared at the list in disbelief. It spanned the entire length of the paper, even though the writing was tiny. “How are we supposed to pay for this?”
“Atsushi-kun,” Dazai whispered.
“What?”
“We need to get out of here.”
“What? Why?”
“Dazai? What are you doing here?”
Atsushi whipped his head towards the voice. His posture stiffened when he realized it was Chuuya.
He waved awkwardly. “Um, hi Chuuya-san!”
The mafioso raised his eyebrow. “Chuuya?”
“Oh, well, I mean; Dazai-san calls you that, so I thought—“ He stammered.
“It’s fine, kid,” Chuuya chuckled, shaking his head fondly.
Then, Atsushi noticed something in his hands. It looked like…a box of chocolates shaped like a heart? Could this be for Chuuya’s supposed lover?
“Um, what’s the box for?”
It was at that moment that Dazai chose to fall out of his stupor. “Ooh, does the slug have a secret partner?” He taunted. “What’s in the box?”
“Tch! Nothing your slimy fish ass needs to see.”
“Aw, but why?” Dazai whined. “Is it something weird?” He wiggled his eyebrows.
Atsushi wrinkled his nose at the implication. Of course Dazai would be asking things like that.
Chuuya’s face grew red. “What? No, you pervert!”
“Dazai-san…” Atsushi sighed. “Leave Chuuya-san alone. Let’s finish shopping. Although…do you have a lover? If you don’t mind me asking.” What? He had to know if Yosano was telling the truth.
Instead of saying anything, Chuuya nodded his head.
“What? Chibi, you didn’t tell me? How did the marriage survive for four years?” Dazai exclaimed dramatically. He pressed a hand to his chest in mock offense.
“You shitty—! Ugh,” the executive grumbled. “We love each other very much and always make it work. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Dazai clapped his hands. “Yes! Now let’s start shopping!”
Atsushi was surprised by the sudden topic change. What was Dazai playing at? “Wait—“
He was pulled away into a different aisle before he could say anything. Turning to his mentor, he glared at the man. “You know, I kinda wanted to know more?”
“But, Atsushi-kun, what about the shopping? You know, Ranpo-san’s candy won’t buy itself!”
His eyes widened at the reminder of Ranpo’s insanely long shopping list. Dammit! He’d just have to find another way to ask. Maybe he’d get Ryuu to do it?
However, something else about the interaction was bothering Atsushi. When he realized what it was, he turned to Dazai.
“Hey, how’d you know Chuuya-san has been married for four years?”
Dazai tapped his foot impatiently. He had gone out of his way to book one of the fanciest and busiest restaurants in Yokohama months in advance, as well as wear a fancy suit (that he hadn’t picked himself, mind you) for someone who was late? The things Dazai did for this man.
He was about to pull out his phone until someone hugged him from behind.
“Hey, Osamu. Sorry to keep you waiting. Mori-sama wanted me to finish up some paperwork. Want to head in? I also had to drop the kids off at ane-san’s.”
Dazai smiled, bending down to give Chuuya a peck on the cheek. “Finally, I’m starving.”
The restaurant was packed with guests. Friendly chatter surrounded them as soon as they walked in. A worker escorted them to their seats, before informing them that a server would be coming soon to take their orders.
Once they sat down, Chuuya pulled out something from his bag. Dazai fondly noted that it was a box of chocolates shaped like a heart. “Um, I know you already saw this, but I got you this box and also this.” He produced a large crab-shaped plushie from the bag.
“Aw, Chuuya! I can’t believe you’re being so nice!” Dazai grinned. “But seriously, I love you, slug.”
“Love you too mackerel. Happy anniversary.”
Thankfully, they were in a secluded booth, so Dazai was able to give his husband a deeper kiss than one they would usually give in public. Before it could turn into making out, they broke away, cheeks red and lips wet.
“Hey, Osamu,” Chuuya asked.
He hummed in acknowledgement.
“Do you think anyone else besides your boss, mine, ane-san, and the old man know about our marriage?”
Dazai thought about it with a slight frown. “Besides Ranpo-san, no, I don’t think so. They’re too oblivious.”
Chuuya snorted at that, and he looked so cute that Dazai just had to give him another kiss. Could you blame him?