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Not being able to sleep was not a new thing for Jihoon, every time he gets too anxious, too caught up in details and his image, his night is already ruined. His mind wandered to dark places that only a warm glass of milk or a cold bottle of water could fix.
But this time, as he lay beside his dear Youngjae hyung, the dorm strangely quiet since it was a free day management had given them after multiple concerts back to back. Neither of them had even stepped out from the room, cuddling on the older’s bed with the bed heater on, Jihoon knows it's the perfect place to sleep, warm, safe and loved. Yet there's something on his mind that he can't help but wonder and stress about, because it's complicated and messy, it could lead to so many troubles which will only pile up as they are–as of now–the only official couple in their group.
The public of course didn't know, they were still growing, getting fans with every comeback so it was too risky. The members of course were all happy and supportive, and after Junghwan gave them his “leader talk” he simply asked them to be careful and not get hurt, that even if they were a couple TWS was and will always be a team.
Luckily nothing changed much, variety shows, presentations, interviews, everything goes smoothly, fans go crazy over small and exaggerated interactions, no one suspects, no one gets in danger.
It was just a quiet, slow changing thing that made Jihoon stop and reconsider everything. And it goes by the name of Kim Dohoon.
“Hyung… I think we need to talk,” Jihoon mumbles against Youngjae’s arm, who just hums and moves a bit so they could look at each other better, his attention now fully on Jihoon, who to his surprise, sits up and takes a deep breath.
“Is... Is everything okay? Something bad happened?
“N-No! It's just… well, maybe it is bad? I– I don't know hyung, Im sorry, its just– Dohoonie hyung, he– I–”
“Ah, Dohoon-ah?” The words slip from his mouth before Youngjae can stop himself, it's a bitter subject, but one that deep down he knows they have to talk.
Not because Jihoon is the only one struggling with the difficult storm that is Kim Dohoon, but because so is Youngjae. After months of trying his best, of giving more and coming to understand Dohoon more, his same aged friend suddenly starts to push away. He still smiles to all of them, still plays around with Jihoon, still teases and stays as soft as ever with Youngjae, but there are moments where he stops and takes a step back, and the space between them feels too heavy to ignore, too loud to the point the others noticed too.
Hanjin has asked after a few practices if they have found or if Dohoon accidentally walked in on them. Jihoon just shakes his head, because it didn't make any sense. A week ago they were cuddling and Dohoon was peacefully sleeping next to him, face comfortably buried in his chest. It made everything more frustrating and sad.
Later that day, Kyungmin innocently asks if Youngjae had turned down Dohoon’s clinginess again since the older looked different. Of course, Youngjae says no and Kyungmin hums, walking away without knowing the turmoil of emotions that were happening inside of Youngjae, he starts recalling things, how Dohoon had took too long to place his hand on his shoulder for a step, or how he swiftly slipped away from Youngjae when he tried to put an arm around him.
Something happened, but neither of them knew why and the main culprit wasn't any help, dodging questions and acting like they were making stuff up.
“Hes been acting weird, hasn't he?”
“Yes! I.. I-I tried asking him but he keeps avoiding it, hes– he’s avoiding me! Us…” Jihoon whines, leaning on Youngjae’s shoulder before talking again, “Do you think he doesn't like us? Like… being together?”
“Why show it now and not earlier? You know Dohoon, he would've shared his opinions earlier.”
“Then… T-Then what? Hyung, Im sorry I think I–”
“I know.”
It shocks Jihoon to hear it, he looks up immediately, scared of what Youngjae would look like. Will he hate him too now? Will they break up?
Instead, Youngjae looks rather happy, one of his hands cupping Jihoon’s cheek and caressing it with all the care in the world, staring directly into his eyes as he takes a deep breath.
“I– I-I can't say I wasn't jealous at first, but… Would it be stupid if I said it helped me?”
This time, Jihoon looks confused, head tilting as he tries to scoot closer to Youngjae.
“Help with what?”
“Realizing I kind of– No, I… I love him too, you know?
Youngjae has to stop himself from laughing when Jihoon’s mouth forms a perfect “o”, eyes wide open while he puts his hand on top of Youngjae carefully, as if afraid the older would pull away.
“So.. I wasn't imagining things, heh.”
“Can you blame me? He– He’s too good.”
The younger hums, “Yeah, he is too good… that's why I-I don't get what happened.”
After that, silence fills the room, Jihoon cuddles up as close as he can to Youngjae, always being considerate of his injury and making sure he wasn't uncomfortable, while Youngjae just smiles, showering Jihoon in kisses in hopes that he could lift his mood even if just a little bit. Its not a surprise that he's so affected by this, most definitely more than he is, because Dohoon is something else entirely for Jihoon, hes the first, his first muse, his first reason and Youngjae will always understand that.
Its not like he can blame him, Dohoon has that thing that makes you want to keep going, and addictive sweetness and spice that always gets you to come back to him, and then you meet his softer, vulnerable side, his kind eyes and caring touch, the gentleness of his words, always knowing what you need to hear.
If Youngjae wasn't so introverted–and less intimidated by Dohoon–maybe he would have also fallen sooner.
Neither knew how it started, but from one moment to another they started to talk again, this time, about Dohoon. About what they liked, what they found irritating, what they found endearing.
Every little thing they knew and what they could get to know if he would simply let them.
Hours fly when you're having fun, needless to say they had one of the best nights ever, Youngjae sharing some trainee stories Jihoon didn't know about, Jihoon spilling some silly secrets and habits only he knows thanks to being his roommate.
They would have definitely kept going if it weren't for the sound of a door opening and closing, it was slow and it read as if the person was trying to not make any sound, footsteps almost inaudible.
Worst case scenario, it's Junghwan who arrived from visiting his family and was ready to sleep. The best, but also most messy, scenario, it was Dohoon, being considerate as he tends to be when he arrives late.
Jihoon jumps from the bed, ignoring Youngjae’s words and pleas of waiting until tomorrow morning, because he knows that it would only be harder for all of them if they wait a single second more.
He stops right on the door, hearing the footsteps and opening the door once he believes the person would be right in front of it.
Bingo.
“Uh… Sorry, I tried to not wake anyone up… Good–”
Before Dohoon could finish his sentence, Jihoon grabs his wrist and pulls him into the room, closing the door loudly and dragging him to Youngjae’s bed, sadly Dohoon frees himself from Jihoon and moves to Junghwan’s bed, sitting with both his legs and arms crossed, he's also avoiding eye contact, staring directly into the floor or his nails, the bag he was wearing forgotten on the floor close to the door.
For a short moment, Youngjae catches him. If he had not looked at Dohoon’s face in that exact same second, he might have missed how Dohoon’s eyes fall on his legs, on his injury, and Youngjae doesn't know hot to feel, since Dohoon seems too affected by it, like it was his fault that he couldn't perform properly.
He wants to say something, to snap Dohoon out of that self-hating state he's in, shake him and tell him to just say what he wants to say so they could all work it out.
Usually, Jihoon beats him to say what's on their mind, and right now it's no expectation.
“Why are you acting like this? Did we hurt you? Piss you off?”
“I'm normal, how many times do I have to say you are imagining things!”
“We aren't! I know you, God I know you and you're just–”
“Jihoon, please… I-I’m tired, can we do this later?” Dohon stands up, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his already washed out red hair, but that's not what Youngjae sees.
His eyes glued to Dohoon’s, and the way they are red and puffy.
With a surge of confidence he moves to the edge of the bed, closer to Jihoon, he doesn't miss how Dohoon stops dead in his tracks, frozen as Youngjae sits but relaxes when he stops and doesn't stand up.
“We can't, Dohoon, we need to talk,” Youngjae says as softly and nicely as he can, trying to get Dohoon to make eye contact with him, yet he dodges, shaking his head but staging right where he is, “Dohoon-ah, please, we just want to know why you changed so we can fix it.”
“Nohting needs fixing, you guys are well and I am fine, everything is fine!”
“No it's not! You keep being jumpy and acting like me and Youngjae hyung will punch you if you stand too close!” Jihoon says with too much emotion, leaving Dohoon and Youngjae taken aback, but he keeps going, taking one step closer to Dohoon who steps back, “You act like we suddenly hate you or don't want you close! Hyung! We don't cuddle anymore, you don't go to me when you're having a hard time, you don't even hug me goodnight! Why!?”
“I-I… I’m just,” Dohoon mouths open but his words die down, he swallows, guilt clear on his face as he steps one more step away from Jihoon, this time making him fall to it, his hands start to tremble as he holds onto his own shirt.
“Dohoon, we're sorry if we ever made you feel like you had to change for us… We.. ugh, we didn't want this, at all.”
“But– You said– I-I’m respecting you! Your relationship, your boundaries, all of that.”
“Boundaries?” Yongjae whispers to himself, he tries to think back, to remember if they ever mentioned anything related to boundaries in front of the other, and a lightbulb lights up for him.
A random saturday, everyone eating out in a restaurant their sunbaes suggested, and Junghwan asked about something similar, he just wanted to know if they were going to keep being as touchy and flirty with others, to which they first answered that it depends, but Dohoon wasn't there to hear it, coming back to the table when Jihoon was going on a rant about random people flirting with Youngjae and trying to steal him away, he also remembers mentioning how he felt jealous by how many very close friends Jihoon has.
Keywords being “Random People". And after that they all laughed, everyone giggling and eating except Dohoon, who stands up again which was strange, so Jihoon of course stands too ready to follow him, but he stops him with one look. No one knew, only them.
Now, Youngjae understands, he completely understands the reasoning of Dohoon’s actions, why he's so worried, always walking on eggshells when it comes to them. It's all a big, stupid but solvable misunderstanding, so he laughs.
It wasn't supposed to be a loud laugh, but since the room was already charged and silent, it almost echoed, catching Dohoon’s attention immediately who now looks mortified.
“Y-Youre laughing? Wha– Why?”
“No, Dohoon– I'm not laughing at you, it's just– You got it wrong!”
“How could i get it wrong!? I'm not stupid! I can read the room and know when I'm too much, you guys don't need to put up with me.”
“But we want to! We want to put up with your annoying, sulky and frustrating ass!”
Dohoon shakes his head again, now he is holding onto Junghwan’s bedsheets, gripping them tightly and tapping his foot, face hidden away since he's staring at his lap. He does it for a long time, they can faintly hear chants of “No”s and “Why”s, it breaks their hearts, and to everyone's surprise, Youngjae is the one who moves first this time, struggling a bit to stand up and almost falling directly on top of Dohoon.
Luckily Jihoon helps him and gets Youngjae to sit on the right side of Dohoon, who refuses to look up, hands now retracted to his chest, clasped together in nervousness, because there was no way he understood it wrongly. How could he? It was obvious they were hinting at him being too noisy, too clingy and pushy.
He was the one always chasing Youngjae, going an extra mile when it came to him, flirting and helping him whenever he can. To anyone it reads as stealing and God, maybe Dohoon was doing that without realizing it, he feels like shit, eyes stinging once more, because the words hurt.
He was the very close friend, the one Jihoon always clings to, the one who cuddles with him and sleeps with him, kissing his face affectionately and always doing things together. They are close, too close and it was valid for a partner to feel bad about it.
Was he truly such an awful person without him knowing? Why didn't anyone stop him sooner? Why did the rest let him do it?
Once Jihoon and Youngjae caught up that Dohoon was spiraling, they looked at each other in worry, things were too emotional and quick, its natural for Dohoon to act on impulse when it comes to feelings, always too scared, always hiding something, never asking or digging to deep in fear of the worst. So, as carefully as they could, they both placed one of thor hands on Dohoon.
Youngjae’s hand rests on his thigh, Jihoon’s hand holds his shaking hands.
“Dohoonie, it's okay.” Younjae tries, afraid of putting too much pressure on his hold and his voice, not wanting to cause Dohoon more distress.
But Dohoon keeps whispering and apologizing, eyes shut tight so his tears wouldn't fall.
“Hyung… Dohoonie hyung, please, look at me?” Jihoon whispers right against his hair, nuzzling against the older and getting a small response, a choked out sob, before slowly opening his hands and letting Jihoon intertwine their fingers, "That's it hyung, thank you.”
“Dohoon-ah, we are sorry you–”
“N-Not… Not your fault… ‘s mine.”
Youngjae sighs, a small smile forming on his lips, letting his own head rest on Dohoon’s before giving a small pat to his thigh.
“Its not your fault either, we just… We didn't talk properly.” Dohoon whines at this, shaking his head and probably going to try and argue, so Youngjae silences him with a quick kiss to his hair, “I took too long, so I'm also sorry for that.”
At this, Dohoon lifts his head just a bit, eyes glassy as he looks at Youngjae, a cute pout making him almost kiss him again.
“Hyung, you like us right?
“No! How could I– I can't!"
“You can though, its not wrong.”
Dohoon groans, his free hand cleaning the small tears that start to fall down, his face now flushed and red, making him look adorable in both Jihoon’s and Youngjae’s eyes.
“Youngjae hyung is right, it's not wrong! Actually, it's like the best thing ever.”
“Ugh, how can it be the best thing ever? I just make you uncomfortable, don't I..?”
Youngjae puts his other hand on Dohoon’s nape, rubbing circles on it, “No, you make us happy, really.”
“Of course you're still annoying, but–”
“Jihoon.”
“He is! But we still love him, duh.”
The room goes quiet again. Dohoon’s slightly uneven breath the only thing filling the room, after a few seconds–in which Jihoon processes what he just said–Dohoon fully straightens up, first he looks at Jihoon, his face is all red, contrasting with his blond hair, a nervous but happy smile makes Dohoon melt.
He then turns to look at Youngjae, and he can't help but hug him.
Youngjae wraps his arms around him, his body relaxing and letting out a sigh of relief when Dohoon hugs him back, weakly holding onto his neck since he starts to cry for real this time, wetting his shirt and shaking in his arms.
It's only a matter of seconds for Jihoon to start crying as well, hugging both Dohoon and Youngjae, stretching his arms as much as he can until he starts to complain about them hurting, successfully getting Dohoon to laugh a little. Light and real, a laugh they haven't heard in a while.
“Soo…. Can we ask him out, hyung?” Jihoon says happily, looking at Youngjae with tears in his eyes, taking hold of Dohoon when their hug stops and pressing their cheeks together, "Don't we look cute together?"
“Yeah, yeah, let Dohoon breathe for a second, okay? We can ask him properly tomorrow.”
“W-Wait! Why.. Why not now? I-I mean… I love you, so if you like, are okay with it… Maybe?”
“Let's all sleep together!” The younger shouts, grabbing Dohoon’s hand and pulling him until they are both standing up, “We’ll move the beds so they're together, then we will come and get you, what do you think?”
“Jihoon-ah, this is a stu–”
“Great idea.”
“Y-Yeah, a great idea.”
Jihoon laughs, hugging Dohoon and pulling him up, twirling around until they get to the door, before they go Jihoon sends a flying kiss to Youngjae and urges Dohoon to do the same, he fights and tries to move Jihoon alone so Youngjae wouldn't have to wait all alone for too long. But Youngjae is looking at him with so much expectation, and Jihoon is giving him the most sad puppy eyes ever.
He's doomed.
Dying of embarrassment, he also sends a flying kiss to Youngjae. Extra shy and cuter if you ask Youngjae, but he wouldn't say it out loud so Jihoon doesn't start an aegyo battle in the middle of the night.
In only a few minutes Dohoon comes back, he looks more disheveled than before, his lips redder and his ears and neck are also flushed. It's only fair if he also gets a bit of fun, right? Right before they step out of his room, with the strength he has available he cages Dohoon against the wall and kisses him too, he can taste Jihoon’s caramel chapstick on him and it only makes him more eager, sucking on Dohoon’s bottom lip and pulling away only when he feels a weak punch to his chest.
“Y-You two are… Insane.”
Youngjae just smiles, letting Dohoon pass one of his arms around him to help him walk to their room, finding Jihoon already underneath the covers, right where the two beds meet, which Dohoon immediately deems as dangerous, so after helping Youngjae he grabs him and moves him, stopping the youngers complains with a pinch to his cheek and the promise of doing whatever he wants for their first date.
Jihoon not being right in the middle of the two beds didn't last as long as Dohoon should, but at a certain pint he doesn't really care, enjoying the craziness of it all, Jihoon somehow managing to hold onto both Youngjae and Dohoon, Youngjae reaching out to Dohoon with his fingers.
It was so warm, he fell asleep rather quickly, regretting not being able to take in the peaceful sight.
But he won't have to worry too much, Dohoon doesn't know it yet, but when the others arrive at the dorm and Kyungmin goes to check on Dohoon and Jihoon’s room, he finds the three of them all tangled together. Without thinking too much, he takes out his phone and snaps a quick photo, nodding to himself for capturing the moment so well and sending it to the three of them.