When One Door Closes

by KEMsWife

Summary:

He paused only a moment in the doorway James had just occupied, glancing back at his trunk, still packed, where it sat at the base of his bed. Just some clothes, shoes, and books. It had been odd to realize he had been able to pack everything he needed so quickly. Sirius only wished that in his whirlwind of righteous determination and rebellious fury he’d remembered to grab at least one photo of Regulus.
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Regulus fought back tears at the sound of his father storming out of the parlor and slamming the master bedroom door shut. He rather felt like doing the same at the moment. But he knew he could not, that Walburga needed to have at least one son who behaved with even a modicum of decorum that night. She nodded, and with a sharp turn, she was gone, leaving Regulus to sit alone with a solemn silence that felt just a little too loud.

OR

The Doomed Black Brothers fic no one asked for in which the two boys desperately cling to any small sign of the kindness they grew up without, even as the war-ridden world does its best to rip it away from them.

Chapter 1: November 1981

It was cold, whether from the wind wailing outside the walls of the tower or from the dementors, Sirius didn’t know. He shivered, clutching the flimsy jacket they’d given him. Not that he deserved anything more; he knew he didn’t.

At least, he thought, he could see the moon. It wasn’t much, but he was grateful for the one window he was allowed. Too high up to see much, but the little ivory crescent was visible at least. Sirius wondered how Remus would cope on his first full moon alone in a very long while.

Sirius wondered distantly if Remus was coping with any of this. Sirius certainly wasn’t.

If he had just noticed Peter drifting, maybe Peter wouldn’t have gone through with the betrayal.

If he hadn’t insisted on making the switch for Secret Keeper, maybe James’s family would still be alive.

Sirius wondered what stories they’d make up as they cleaned out his flat. Lies and tall tales for each little thing that even hinted at a turn toward darkness. His clothes would be deemed too dark. His letters would become evidence of him tracking the Potters. Even the cufflinks with ravens on them, the old Black family symbol, that he’d bought for Regulus before he’d gone missing would become a sign of old loyalty that hadn’t quite faded.

Regulus…his worst failure of all. Sirius didn’t know what had become of his brother at the end. Killed by their family, he assumed. Maybe as punishment for Sirius’s own actions. Maybe Regulus had become unsure. He always had been just a touch too timid, Sirius thought.

A part of Sirius hoped he was alright, hoped that Remus would get the cufflinks to him and tell him that Sirius loved him, even through everything they’d been through.

But another part of Sirius could feel the truth deep in his soul, feel it running through the blood he and his brother shared.

No, Regulus was dead. And it was Sirius’s fault.

Sirius knew what James would have to say about that. He knew James would remind him that Regulus’s actions were of his own making, that Sirius was not responsible.

But Regulus was his brother. His little brother. The boy who had once looked up to him with big grey eyes and a hopeful smile. The boy who had trusted Sirius to protect him from the horrors of the world. And Sirius had just abandoned him.

Maybe if Sirius had tried just a little bit harder, Regulus wouldn’t have been as inclined to follow their cousins to the dark side. Maybe Sirius could have saved him.

But in the end, he hadn’t. And that was all that really mattered.

Sirius shivered again, this time because of the dementor drifting past his cell door. The same nightmares as always began to plague his mind, some false but most memories. He tried to fight them off, tried to focus on happier times.

But there weren’t many untainted ones for him to focus on at the moment. So like with everything else in his life, he failed.