Chapter Text
Ryland Grace did not want to go back to space.
Ok, maybe that was a bit of an oversimplification. It was true enough that he was dreading the launch, or well, re-launch of the Hail Mary. That much wasn’t surprising, after all, he hadn’t actually experienced the first launch, he had been too busy being comatose. Secondly, he knew for a fact that the Hail Mary was never supposed to launch more than once. Its job had been simple - go up to space once, and stay there. It had been built solely around this one simple job, and already Grace had put the poor thing through so much more. Grace tried to take a breath, turning that thought over in his mind again. The Hail Mary had been through so much and survived. Sure it was never supposed to launch again, but it also wasn’t supposed to land on Erid and it had made it though that so smoothly that it was ready to launch again without too many new additions from the Eridian scientists.
Grace trusted the Eridian scientists. I mean, he had to, but they didn’t make it difficult. On a certain level, they were smarter than him, so that helped. But also, they had figured out a way to feed and house a completely different species (himself) in such a short amount of time that Grace had no problem believing that they knew what they were doing when it came to a technology they had already invented. Rocky had even assured him that they had tested these systems with Grace in mind before adding them to the Hail Mary, so there really wasn’t anything to worry about.
He just wished his stomach knots believed that.
Strapping himself into the seat in the control room felt strange after all this time on Erid. Sure, he had gone in and out of the parked Hail Mary more than once in his biodome, but he had never really pictured actually venturing back out to the place he hadn’t wanted to come to in the first place. Of course he toyed with the idea of going back to Earth, in the few times he felt bored or lonely. He pictured himself as the conquering hero, returning to a completely healed Earth who lauded him as their savior, waving from atop parade floats and occasionally sticking a middle finger in the face of Eva Stratt. Those self-aggrandizing visions never lasted long though, because apart from being totally unrealistic, Grace had realized that monuments and parades and petty acts of ‘look-at-me-now’ just felt… empty. He didn’t care if the Earth called him a messiah or anything else for that matter. For the most part he just thought back to his kids, how they were doing, if they had to struggle in the years between when he left and when the Beatles came home, if they ever thought of him, if they remembered what he taught them. But Grace wouldn’t find out the answers to those questions, because he wasn’t going back to Earth.
Space, but not home.
Underneath him, Grace felt the vibration of metal on metal as the supports beneath the ship were removed. He heard the musical chatter of Eridian speech over the radio as final preparations went underway. He felt quite proud of himself when his stomach started performing feats of contortionism and he didn’t throw up.
Space, again. Him and Rocky, again. That brought him some comfort. This time he would have a friend he trusted to get him through Hell and back beside him the whole time. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if Rocky hadn’t agreed to do this.
Probably not go. His brain supplied.
“Grace ready for launch, question?”
Speaking of Rocky, the only voice he could recognize among the many Eridian voices broke him out of his nauseating spiral of anxiety. Rocky sounded excited, which made sense. This was no longer a suicide mission for either of them, not that it had initially meant to be one for his friend. But this time neither of them had that nagging pressure of responsibility, of knowing failure meant not only your death, but the death of your entire world. No, this was, for lack of a better term, a scouting mission.
“Grace not answer. Grace alive, question?”
Grace cleared his throat. “Yep, yep, completely alive. Sorry, in my thoughts a bit. I realized I don’t actually remember what launching into space is supposed to feel like.”
“Launch feels like pressure, there is acceleration–”
“No yeah, I get it. You don’t need to explain. I’m just a little nervous.”
“Grace not worry. Grace is safe. Eridian scientists make launch very safe. Will not let Grace get hurt.”
“Thanks buddy, I don’t doubt it.”
“Good good good. Ship is ready for launch. Grace be okay, question?”
“Yeah.” Grace drew in a slow breath, letting it sit in his chest for a few seconds before releasing it. “I’m go for launch.”
The Eridian chatter picked up, and the ship began to vibrate in earnest. Distantly, Grace wondered if he should’ve put on his EVA suit just in case. After all, accidents happened and even Eridians weren’t infallible. But then the vibrations turned to shaking, and then to quaking, until he felt like his bones were gonna be shaken right out of his skin. He was about to ask Rocky if they were going to be given a countdown or something, but as soon as he opened his mouth the shaking made his teeth and jaw knock together with enough painful force that he decided maybe speaking was out of the question. Instead, he gripped the arms of the metal chair like he could dig his fingernails into it, shutting his eyes tight as he felt the g-forces begin to pull down on his body.
If it weren’t for the fact that it might have killed me, I probably would’ve asked to be in a coma again for this. Grace thought to himself, just before the ship really, actually began to move, and he blissfully passed out.