Work Text:
“V.. I-I’m pregnant..” N confessed, reaching out a positive pregnancy test up to V’s eye level. He shuffled himself slightly away from the bush
“Are you serious right now, N?”
“I’m serious..” N looked away, shy.
“I..I guess I can help you give birth now..” V blushed and smiled, then helped N to immediately get into the optimal birthing position, almost like she’d done this before.
“Is it going to hurt..?” N asks V, scared.
“Yes you stupid boy.” Said the fuck you guy, who was actually my doctor now. V spreads N’s legs, then puts on some tight latex gloves.
“I’m going to make sure-“
“IT’S COMING OUUUUUUUT!!!!” N screamed at the top of his robo-lungs, causing V to flinch and run over to assist N.
A baby pops out. V examines the baby as she licks the baby clean of oil and.. whatever else. Holding the child by both its sides like a burrito. She freezes, closing her mouth with her tongue slightly out.
“Tastes familiar.. Ahem- It’s.. a drone…” V murmurs.
“Y-yes.. a drone.. What kind of drone?”
“A worker drone..” V turns to look at N, both horrified looks, though N was more so guilty.
“I-I-I can explain-!!!!”
“I thought we had something.. I thought you LOVED ME!!” V screamed at N, alongside the sound of the baby screaming.
“I.. I did.. but.. I..”
“You better explain yourself within the next five Robo-Jesus damn seconds, N.”
“I-I-” N freaks out, guarding his face with his arms, “I LOVE UZI MORE THAN YOU-!!! T-there... Oh biscuits..”
V sets down the baby gently to stomp towards N, unsheathing her claws and digging them into N’s jacket.
“That isn’t true, and you KNOW it. N, I know you love me more.”
N looks up at V, her face closer than ever, and he blushes.
“I-I do..?”
V smiles, then places her lips against N’s, who immediately reciprocates by softening at the touch. N hugs her closer from where he sat, being pulled up slightly from the claws’ grip on his clothes.
As V pulls from the kiss, she hears clutter falling to the floor, and she looks around to find something missing. Her visor flashes an X eye as her visor screen tries to scan the area.
“V..?” N mutters, unsure as to what the noise was.
“I think Uzi ate the baby..”
“WHAT?!”