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It had been awhile since Naim had heard so much noise all at once. After his dad died, it seemed like the sound went with him.
Everything became muffled, and drowned out. His mum didn't talk much anymore either. She was a shell of who she used to be. Naim misses hearing her mispronounce the names of his favourite bands, and TV shows. He misses her.
"Naim—" Arlene enters the room—Naim's room— He hasn't gotten used to that yet. She opens the door fast enough it bangs against the wall, giving herself a fright.
Naim looks up at her from the floor, he was meant to be unpacking his boxes, but had gotten lost in his own head. His eyes dart between his mum and the wall, briefly inspecting for if they had already damaged the place.
"I have an interview, so i wont be home for the next few hours" Arlene straightens up, brushing off imaginary dirt from her shirt. "Why don't you go walk around, figure out your route to school, hm?"
This was the most she spoke now. No jokes, no warm smile. Just straight to the point. It was a strange feeling, simultaneously grieving his dad who was actually dead. And at the same time grieving his mum who was standing right in front of him.
"I think its a pretty straight forward walk, it's not like i can get lost here" Naim looks back down to the box open in front of him.
"Well— I think it would be good for you, to get out and get to know the place" Arlene's voice strains, like she has more she wants to say, but finds it to be a waste to actually say out loud.
Naim stares at the box. Inside was random posters and trinkets he had collected from home. Not this home, not this weird tiny town. His actual home. Where he had these things littered all around his actual room.
He doesn't want to get to know here. He wants to go back home.
"Yeah, okay. Can i have a key?" Naim guesses he can't blame her too much. Not when his own words get stuck in his throat.
Arlene sighs, reaching into her purse to take out a bundle of keys, clipping one off and tossing it at Naim. "Remind me to get another one cut"
Naim nods, squeezing the key in his palm. It's cold, and the ridges dig against his skin. It reminds him he's alive, capable of feeling. Arlene doesn't linger, as soon as she sees him nod she turns on her heel and walks away. He hears the door open and close, the sound of movement he only heard moments prior, gone with her.
Sighing, Naim releases his hand off, shoving the key in the pocket of his pants. The indents linger, red and angry. He supposes if he's going to have to live in this town until he's eighteen at least, he probably should know his way around.
The air outside feels stagnant. It wasn't hot, or cold, it was just there. Naim takes a deep breath before turning around and locking the door behind him. It's janky, taking a couple times to properly click, he wonders how long this house has been here. How long it will continue to stay here.
Surely one day it would be torn down, replaced with some new flashy architecture. Nothing stays forever, and real estates are cunts.
Despite Naim's reluctance to this place, he has to admit its nice to walk around. The roads are empty, and theres no noise, apart from the birds. The sun was covered by the clouds, it made him feel like he was a main character in some coming of age movie. The thought makes him snicker to himself.
While walking, he stumbles on a field, the grass hasn't been mowed in a long time. He stops, leaning against the flimsy fence as he focuses his vision onto something in the distance.
It takes a few too many minutes for him to realise what he's looking at. More specifically, who. It's a boy, with blonde hair, probably around his age. Probably goes to the school Naim is meant to be walking to right now.
The boy turns around, and even from the distance, Naim can feel his eyes lock onto him. Instantly, Naim turns away and starts walking. He's only just arrived here, he doesn't want to instantly be labelled as some freak with a staring problem.
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"Hey, wake up"
Naim blinks, grunting as he lifts his head. His head is pounding. Everything hurts and his stomach is growling as soon as it recognises he's awake to hear it.
Beside him, Ryan chuckles bending down to pick up his bag and throw it over his shoulder. Naim has half a mind to flip him off, but he thinks if he even tries, his arm might fall right off. Ryan seems to sense this, relenting and holding out a hand for Naim to take.
Even with the help, Naim still stumbles up to his feet. He doesn't know how Ryan looks so normal. He always looks, radiant, even when his light should have died so many times.
"Where are we?" Naim rubs his eyes, before stretching his arms above him. His spine pops roughly 3 times.
"Some bus depot in Melbourne. Probably near a motel" Ryan shrugs, rolling his shoulders as he looks around, stepping off the bus.
The bus driver shoots them a look, one that would make Naim's skin crawl. But he can hear him grumbling to himself, and it had nothing to do with the fact that they were two boys, bussing from the middle of nowhere, it was just because he wanted to go home. Naim knows how that feels.
Ryan's a few paces in front of Naim, on his phone searching for a cheap hotel nearby. At least one of them came prepared, with a bag and money. Naim was just carrying the clothes on his back.
Panic started to seep in, the fact that he hadn't prepared at all. He was seventeen, in a different city to his mum, with some fucking thing out to kill him. His hands clasped together, squeezing each other tight enough his fingers turned white.
It was a habit he had picked up at some point between moving and now. His mum always told him to pray, maybe thats why he does it.
"Come on, theres a place a ten minute walk from here" Ryan looks over his shoulder to Naim.
They still haven't talked. Not really. Naim doesn't know if Ryan forgives him. He doesn't know if he wants Ryan to forgive him. If they were to talk, he doesn't even know what he would say.
How does he apologise for what he's done? 'im sorry i outed you— and hunter, causing this unstoppable force to chase us down for the rest of our lives. and that i got hunter killed'. Doesn't really seem sufficient.
"Do you have something i can wear? I don't really want to sleep in these" Naim breaks the quiet they were walking in.
"Yeah, hopefully we can find a laundromat, 'cuz i didn't pack much" Ryan doesn't look at him, just keeps looking at the directions on his phone.
"Mhm.." Sometimes Naim is reminded he really is his mothers son.
The place they find themselves stumbling into is rundown, but not too shabby. Paint is peeling off the walls, but theres been no sight of bugs or rodents. They end up paying for a room with only one bed, as it was the only thing available.
They walk into the room together in silence. There's so much tension buzzing around them, but neither of them have the strength to address it .
"I'm gonna go shower" Ryan mumbles, pulling some clothes out of his bag and placing them on the bed.
Naim is just about to nod, when he realises that Ryan being in the bathroom means he would have to be alone. He doesn't want to be alone right now.
"Can i—" Naim starts, before cutting himself off and staring at the wall.
"What?" Ryan tilts his head, his stare burning into Naim.
"Can i.. Sit in the bathroom with you?" Naim cringes once the words are out.
Ryan just stands there, staring blankly. Dread grows inside of Naim. He knows Ryan would hate his guts right now. For fair reason. Who does he think he is to ask that?
"Okay"
Naim blinks. "Wait, really?"
"Did you want to or not?" Ryan opens the bathroom door, prompting Naim to walk in before him.
He doesn't know how Ryan does it. How he can act so normal, despite knowing what Naim's done. Naim doesn't think he would be able to act normal. Maybe thats just because Ryan is better than he is. Always has been.
The bathroom is small. Naim sits on the toilet with the seat put down. The shower isn't one with a curtain, its one of those glass boxes. Naim can see everything, Ryan has no privacy. Yet he doesn't seem to be all that bothered.
Still, Naim tries to avert his eyes. It feels like the least he can do in this situation. Ryan's whistling, loud enough over the water. Naim doesn't recognise the tune, maybe it's something Ryan's made up. Maybe its something Ryan always whistles when he showers.
There's going to be a lot about Ryan that Naim is going to learn fast. If he wears socks to sleep or not. If he needs light, or sound to fall asleep. How long he spends in the shower. There's gonna be a lot of awkward bathroom things he's going to have to learn.
"What'cha thinking about?" Ryan yells over the water.
"Nothing" Naim calls back.
"Liar, i can smell your pants from here" The water shuts off, Ryan opens the glass door and reaches his hand out.
"The fuck does that mean?" Naim passes him the towel thats at his side.
"They're on fire Naim, burning to a crisp" Ryan wears a shit eating grin, one that Naim just can't help roll his eyes at, his own face morphing into a smile. "So?"
"So, what?" Naim stands up, feeling pins and needles in his feet turn into agonising pain.
"What were you thinking about? I could hear the cogs turning in there" Ryan finishes towelling at his hair, and wraps it around his waist.
Naim hesitates, eyes flicking to the side. He decides on opening the bathroom door before he starts talking. It's less suffocating in the room than the bathroom. They have more space, Naim can properly look away if he needs to.
He can hear Ryan shuffling around, getting dressed. He should get dressed too. His body aches with the need to rest, somewhere more comfortable than a bus seat.
"I don't know how to start" Naim speaks quietly, reaching into Ryan's bag and grabbing whatever looks comfortable to sleep in.
"We have time" Ryan yawns, indicating that they maybe don't have all the time.
Naim swallows, dropping down on the bed once dressed. Ryan flops down beside him, laying on his side to face Naim.
"I'm sorry" Naim whispers.
Ryan doesn't respond, just keeps facing him. Keeps looking up at Naim—who still doesn't have the courage to lay down, so he just sits instead— like he's done nothing wrong.
"You— Not you, whatever it is. When it showed up at my house, i told it i was sorry. I was so sure it was you, it even told me about the frog and the snake" Naim takes a shaky breath. Ryan just continues to stare.
"I hate that i apologised to that thing before i got to properly apologise to you" Naim turns his body, bringing his legs up onto the bed. Still not laying down.
"Apologise to me now then"
Naim freezes. He had half expected for Ryan to stay quiet. To just talk and look over and find him already asleep. But Ryan's eyes are wide open. And they swirl with something that Naim's only associated with fear.
"I'm sorry Ryan" Naim feels his eyes start to water. Now is not a good time, he doesnt want to make this about himself. "I fucked up. Bad. I don't even really know what i was thinking, i just remember walking down your driveway and seeing you and Hunter.."
The ring Ryan had given him is the only thing keeping him stable right now. He twists the snake around his finger, round and round and round. It's almost too small to do so.
"It's so stupid— i know that now. But i was so hurt, and jealous, and scared. You were the first thing in that town that made sense to me. The first thing in a while that didn't remind me im some pitiful kid who's dad died" Naim sniffles, wiping his eyes away.
He hates crying. He hates feeling like this. So out of control. "I didn't want to lose you… I realise now how pointless all of that was, and ive just fucked us over for no good reason"
Once its all out, Naim feels like more weight has been placed on him. He doesn't feel light, or free. He feels sick and heavy with guilt.
He will have to live with the fact that he was the reason someone innocent died, that he will be the reason Ryan dies, for the rest of his presumably short life.
"I don't know if i forgive you" Ryan shuffles, bringing his hand up to rest under his cheek.
"You don't have to forgive me. I understand if after tonight you never want to see me again" Naim continues to fiddle with the ring. He thinks about giving it back to Ryan. Does he deserve to keep it?
Ryan stares, unblinking for a moment. "I still want it to be you."
"I still wanted it to be you, I couldn't understand why, i was so fucking angry, and yet i felt relieved when you came to my house last night. A part of me knew it wasn't really you" Ryan shifts around again, averting his gaze "It can never quite get your smile right— But then it started apologising, and i wanted it to be you. Even when it started beating the shit out of me, i never stopped wanting it to look like you. "
Ryan moves his arm, placing it on Naim's, that he has resting in his lap now. His finger traces the ring, before he takes Naim's hand and interlocks their fingers.
"I don't forgive you yet. But i will"
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More and more cars get stuck at the lights. It's early morning traffic and Naim has never been more grateful that neither of them have a car.
It's been about a month now since they first arrived in Melbourne. They had started getting welfare payments, not a shit ton of money, but enough to keep them afloat. They've been jumping from motel to motel, but today they are finally going to look at an apartment.
"How many of them do you think are going to get pissed" Ryan bumps into Naim's shoulder, pointing at the cars.
"It's not even nine Ryan" Naim rolls his eyes fondly, bumping back into him.
"And? At least one of them cunts gotta be" And Naim cant really disagree. Because at the start of the month, he and Ryan had gotten drunk or high before it was really appropriate to be, numerous times.
But he thinks they have a valid excuse. It's not every day your seventeen and being chased down by some blood thirsty entity.
"Do you think he'll care we aren't eighteen?" Naim kicks at a rock on the footpath.
They hadn't put their ages on their application. It mustn't have been required because they still got a call to come view the place.
"Nah, and if he does we can just vaguely describe our situation" Ryan shrugs shoving his hands into his pockets.
Naim nods, mimicking his action. It wasn't long before they were at the door of the apartment building. Naim had never been inside a proper apartment building, he and everyone he knew just lived in regular houses.
A regular house was too expensive for the two of them.
A tall man greets them, and takes them up the elevator to their potential future home. Floor 3, door eight C.
It wasn't much. One bedroom, a small bathroom and an even smaller kitchen. There was what could be considered a lounge, but theres no way a proper couch would fit in there. Obvious by the small barely two seater couch currently there.
"So how much is it?" Ryan looks around more, pulling at the curtains to look down on the street.
"350" The man grunts out.
"A week?" Naim asks, looking between Ryan and their potential landlord.
"350 a week, I expect payments fortnightly"
Naim and Ryan look at each other. It's not the worst in comparison to other places here. It would probably be the cheapest they could find for where it is.
"We'll take it" Ryan announces.
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By the time summer rolled around, so much was different.
Ryan's hair had grown out, he needed to tie it up now to survive the heat. Naim had attempted to grow facial hair, which was a bust. They had both gotten jobs, turned eighteen, and learnt to live despite the entity.
It had gotten easier. They still fucked up sometimes, but they were always in close enough proximity that nothing too bad could happen.
They always had numerous lighters hiding around different places. Two in the bathroom, three in the kitchen, five in the 'lounge' and roughly seven in the bedroom. As well as the one always in their pockets.
The entity itself had seemed to change. It wasn't so instant in its anger. Whatever blood thirst it had, had drowned out. Now it usually just lingered. Standing a few metres away, just staring. Always staring.
"I'm back!" Ryan calls out as the front door opens and closes.
Naim on reflex grabs the lighter thats resting on their bedside table before getting up and greeting him. Ryan, already a step ahead of him, his lighter out, holding it up to his neck as Naim walks out of their room.
"Your gonna leave a mark someday" Naim shakes his head, flicking on his lighter and holding it up to his own neck.
Ryan grins, dropping his arm and engulfing Naim in a tight hug. He's sweaty from walking, and Naim finds it absolutely disgusting. But he also can't think of anywhere he would rather be right now.
"You could leave a mark instead" Ryan kisses just under Naim's ear, loosening his grasp on him.
"You're sweaty and gross, go take a shower" Naim lightly shoves him off.
Ryan pouts, but relents, walking away to their bathroom. He holds the door open for Naim, because he always follows Ryan, and he knows this.
This time, Naim doesnt hop in the shower with him, just sits on the toilet and lets the steam wrap around him. It's nauseatingly hot, but its worth it to hear Ryan whistling over the water.
"Our agreement is almost over" Ryan disrupts Naim's thoughts.
"We have three months still" When they had signed onto rent this place, the landlord wasn't too trusting of two teenage boys. So he only agreed for six months, and said once that time was over, the boys would have to find somewhere new.
They agreed to this, a place for six months was better than no place.
"Yeah but we have to figure out what we're gonna do" Ryan opens the shower door, poking his head out to look Naim in the eyes.
He has shampoo in his hair, and its making it stand up in one swoop. It's so ridiculous that Naim wants to devour him whole.
"What do you want to do then?" Naim counters.
Ryan closes the door again, rinsing out his hair. "I wanna move somewhere new"
This causes Naim to snort, unbelieving that his boyfriend could be so empty headed.
"That's kind of what we have to do" Naim says between giggles.
"Fuck you, you know what i mean" The shower turns off, and the towel hanging over the glass gets swiped inside.
"I don't think i do" Naim laughs harder at Ryan's insistence.
Naim can practically hear Ryan roll his eyes. He exits the shower with his towel hung low on his waist, folding his arms against his chest as if that would make Naim back down.
Ryan sighs, and patters out of the bathroom, lingering at the door to give Naim time to get up and follow him.
"I don't wanna live here anymore" Ryan continues as he gets dressed.
Naim lays down on their bed, watching Ryan move around the room. "Here as in Melbourne?"
"As in, Aussie" Ryan sneaks a side glance to Naim before pulling socks on. He looks like a guilty dog who was caught tearing up the carpet.
"You wanna move countries?" Naim rolls over to his side when Ryan lays down next to him.
Their hands meet meet in the middle. Simply laying over each other.
"Do you think we could?" Ryan looks up through his lashes. He's curled in on himself, making him appear almost smaller than Naim.
Everything felt different now. It was always Ryan being the one to reassure Naim, to hold him gently, to be the unafraid man when they were still only boys. Now Naim gets to take care of him too.
"It depends.. New Zealand is closest?" Naim rubs his thumb over Ryan's hand.
"Fuck no, thats literally a smaller version of here— no fucking way" Ryan shakes his head.
"Okay, where were you thinking then?" Naim grins.
Ryan takes a moment to answer, despite the fact its very obvious he already has an answer. Naim expects to hear something like the U.S.A, or England, somewhere far from here but accessible.
"France" Ryan ends up saying.
"Really?" Naim can't help the words coming out of his mouth.
Ryan's face drops, and he curls in on himself more. Naim instantly shifts down the bed to make Ryan look him in the eyes.
"Hey, i don't think that's a bad idea i was just surprised is all. Why France?" Naim moves his hands to rest on Ryan's cheeks, thumbs stroking his cheekbones.
It wasn't often Ryan got insecure. But it still happened. They were barely adults, they didn't know half of what they felt most of the time.
"I don't know, it just seems nice, different" Ryan closes his eyes, trusting himself in Naim's hands.
"Yeah, it kind of does… We could go to Albertville"
Ryan's face screws up and he stretches back out to lean on his elbow. "Fucking where?"
"Albertville, It's a place in France" Naim begins to giggle, shoving his face in Ryan's chest to conceal it.
"How the fuck do you know that?" Ryan's hand subconsciously comes to play with the ends of his hair.
"My mum used to be into figure skating, apparently something interesting happened in Albertville in the 90's" Naim lays back, looking Ryan in the eyes. "You're a dumb cunt"
"Well fuck you! Sorry i don't know about figure skating lore" Ryan rolls over, squishing Naim.
Naim attempts to shove him off, but Ryan's using all of his weight to sufficiently trap him in place. After a minute or two of struggling, he gives up, and just enjoys the pressure of Ryan's body.
"So.." Naim's voice muffles.
Ryan pushes himself up, looming above Naim now. "So?"
"We're moving to France?" The way Ryan's face brightened makes everything leading up to this moment worth it. If he's able to make Ryan smile like this, then maybe he is worthy of this love. No matter how other people may view it.
"We're moving to France"