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No matter what anyone might have to say about that, Jisung has always been a good son. He listened, he obeyed, he ate his vegetables, he got decent grades, he never bit any kids in kindergarten.
Jisung was about five or six when it finally dawned on him that none of that was of any substance, in fact, nothing he did would ever weight anything. Not as long as Chan was his brother.
Chan has always been brilliant at pretty much everything. He had been one of the top students for his whole school life, he was good at sports and became captain of the rugby team as soon as his sophomore year in high school started. He was nice, way too nice to essentially everyone, and popular too, since he was, of course, good-looking as hell. Every girl at school sighed at the sight of him and left behind as many broken hearts, even though never making any effort to woo or lead anyone on. Chan did everything Jisung couldn't, and everything Jisung did, Chan did it better.
Their parents know that, they make sure to let Jisung know how much he lacks in comparison to his older brother. Even now, after Jisung joined the same college Chan is a senior in, it seems like his only goal there is to "not embarrass Chan".
"Need a ride to uni, Jisungie?"
Jisung raises his eyes from the slightly burnt toast in the plate in front of him, glancing at his brother who has just gotten out of the shower, towel around his waist as he pushes his wet hair back.
"Are you going now?" Jisung asks, looking at his phone's screen and realizing that if he were to catch a bus, he would definitely be late.
Chan looks past Jisung and at the clock on the wall.
"Uh, yeah. I'll just get dressed really quick." he answers.
"Yeah, fine." Jisung says, because he might as well not lose class time and get a ugly look from the professor today.
"Okay. Be right back." Chan smiles before turning around and hopping to his room.
There's just something terribly annoying about the way Chan acts around Jisung, as if giving his younger brother a lift to class is the highlight of his day. He has always been like this — over-eager, desperate to please. Chan is not stupid, he knows very well that their parents are constantly pitching them against each other, or actually just making him an example to tell Jisung he's never doing enough.
Even with that, Chan doesn't tire in trying to get Jisung's approval on essentially everything, because, well, that's who his brother is. He has his deep need to feel that he's liked by everyone. Jisung can never be sure if Chan is really doing things for him specifically, or if Chan even actually likes him to begin with — at this point, Jisung tries to not get swayed by his older brother's infinite pit of energy to treat others well, because in the end, he's sure to eventually get to the conclusion that he isn't any more special to Chan than some random person he knows from college.
Chan comes back as quick as he went, wearing training shorts and a tank top, his short blonde hair still sticking everywhere. Jisung has to stop his lips from twisting into a scowl. Sure, it's a mildly warm day out there, nothing that requires Chan to be going around practically naked. But as if his brother would lose any opportunities to parade his muscles and draw every gaze in a mile to himself.
Jisung swallows down the word his mind projects so clearly to describe Chan's behavior. He's still your brother, and it's not like he has done anything wrong, he reminds himself. As if Chan could even do wrong.
He hoards Jisung out of the door and into his car. Chan's car is clean and it smells nice, just as much as every space he inhabits, being the neat freak he is.
As soon as Chan gets behind the wheel, he hands Jisung his phone and tells him to put on some music. He goes through Chan's playlists with concentration, maybe taking it more seriously than necessary. It's one of the little things they share — interest and taste in music.
"Oh, I know!" Chan says as if he had an epiphany. "Play that one you showed to me last week. I've been obsessed with it."
Jisung eyes him weirdly, not entirely sure if he believes him, but when he taps on the top latest songs, it's actually there: something Jisung recommended when Chan complained he was tired of the same songs.
Chan hums to it as the song starts, the melodious voice of a woman filling the car up with the melancholic glow of the lyrics.
I feel alone in my body, I feel a silence underneath
In these valleys of blood, in these rivers of rust
"How are your classes going, Jisung-ah?" Chan takes him out of his focus on the song, and he looks up.
Shoulder all the blame again, mirror locked until the end
It was violent and rough, I was never enough
His brother sneaks a few friendly glances a!t him, dimple poking at his cheek. The way the sun showers his profile in gold is almost blinding, the pointy ends of his tousled hair more charming than messy.
"They're fine. Most of them are introductory and general so." he shrugs. It's mostly not as interesting as he hopes the rest of his course would be.
But what if I was stable enough to wind me down the road, like a remora swims?
"Everyone being nice to you?" Chan says with a raise of his eyebrow. Jisung rolls his eyes.
"You're talking like I'm some kind of preschooler, hyung." he answers, slightly annoyed.
He has the habit of doing that too — acting like he is responsible for Jisung in some way. Maybe he is, maybe he has to be, once most of what their parents do is make Jisung be held accountable for everything he does and what he doesn't do as well. But again, Jisung doesn't really dare to know what goes on in Chan's head.
But what if I was inside a thousand lives to give my ghost?
"Aish, I'm sorry," he scratches the back of his head, a shy dimpled smile taking over his lips. "I mean, you still are to me. Don't you know you're still my baby?"
Jisung mouth turns sour.
It's never enough, it's never enough
"Just shut up." Jisung says, sinking back into the car seat and letting the song chorus wash over him. Chan only laughs, interpreting his bitter answer as some type of embarrassment.
"Channie-oppa said there's gonna be a party tomorrow at the department. Told us to spread the word to the freshmen." Jisoo says, on the verge of munching the coffee bottle she is drinking.
Jisung's head turns to her before he can even think about it. He wants to pretend he didn't, but Felix is already looking at him.
"Bang Chan from the Education Department? Isn't he your brother?" he says excitedly, and Jisung wonders about how many random things Felix can remember, since Jisung only vaguely mentioned it to him a month ago.
The eyes on the table turn to him immediately. He just nods, feeling tense.
"Really? I had no idea!" a boy from the other side of the table ways, Jisung thinks his name is Woohyuk, and what he said makes sense, since Jisung never spoke to him in the first place. "Chan-hyung is really nice."
Jisung feels his mouth bitter at the shift of the conversation to his brother. He doesn't know why, but it's nauseating to hear other people talking about Chan sometimes. Call him hyung, oppa, even get to no honorifics at all. It's impossible that Chan is really that close with so much people. Why do they always have so much to say about him, anyway?
"Jisung-ssi, do you know it your brother has a secret girlfriend or anything?" another girl that Jisung doesn't remember the name asks him. They have been sitting around for lunch, Jisung was swayed by Felix, his only friend until now, to join him and a bunch of his other friends from the Design major.
"Or boyfriend." Woohyuk adds, and he exchanges a few stern looks with the girl. He turns to Jisung again with a polite smile. "You know, word out there says that he likes guys as well."
Jisung's stomach growls in irritation.
"Not that I know of. I mean, I don't think he has a, uhm, partner." he answers, trying very hard not to scowl at them.
Everyone's expressions lighten up at the same time Jisung darkens. Later, when Felix and him are leaving, his friend asks with a laugh:
"What's up with you and your brother? Your face was like," Felix grimaces exaggeratedly. "This when they were talking about him. Do you guys hate each other or something?"
Or something, Jisung almost says. Hate? He doesn't hate Chan. The circumstances made him develop some complex feelings about him for sure, but he doesn't hate Chan. Probably couldn't if he tried. Before he can even answer something, Felix adds:
"Or are you like, one of those jealous little brothers?"
Felix's tone is light, and he's probably just joking, but Jisung can't help the scoff that leaves him. Jealousy? What a joke. Jisung would be doomed for life it he was to be jealous of Chan. One good reason for why he shouldn't have a partner in the first place. Who could even be able to handle how Chan was with people? Always laughing, smiling, touching... Jisung takes pity in such a person who would put themselves in this spot.
"Of course not." Jisung tries to seem light about it. "It's just, you know. Popular brother and all. It can be kinda annoying sometimes."
Felix's face lightens up with understanding. He taps at Jisung's shoulder with a regretful look on his face.
"Aw, man, I'm sorry for bringing it up then. I didn't know they would jump you like sharks like that."
Jisung's expression turns softer. "That's okay. Not a big deal, really." I'm used to it, is implied.
One of the things that brought Jisung and Felix together is the fact that their houses are in the same direction, so they grew comfortable in talking to each other while walking. At first it was somewhat awkward, but Felix is really good in filling the gaps, and is overall a very easy person to be around — Jisung feels very lucky to have found a friend to lean in so early in his college days.
That day is no different. They walk to the train station together, talking about classes while Felix tells very specific details of gossip from people Jisung doesn't even know and has no idea how Felix even knows.
When they are about to walk inside the station, a car buzzes right next to Jisung and Felix, making both of them glance at it.
Jisung's heart speeds for no apparent reason when the window slides down, showing his brother's face on the driver's seat.
He flashes a smile of perfect teeth at them, leaning on the window.
"Didn't know you were off at this hour today, Sungie." Chan says, pushing his hair back (habit, Jisung supposes, since Chan's hair is shorter now than it has ever been before).
"We're off earlier than usual." Jisung answers. He looks at Felix, who's just smiling politely next to him.
"Oh, I see." Chan acknowledges. His head turns to Jisung's friend, and his smile is there again, flashier than ever. "Hi, nice to meet you. Are you Jisung's friend?"
Felix nods, and he seems somewhat nervous. "I'm Felix. Uh, it's nice meeting you too."
Chan extends a hand through the window at him. Jisung watches as they shake hands.
"I'm Chan. Jisung's brother." he says. "You both want a ride? I'm heading home right now."
"Oh, that's okay. I can get home by myself." Felix says, waving his hands in the air in polite dismissal.
Jisung rolls his eyes without realizing, grabbing Felix's wrist and marching to the back door.
"He lives close to home, hyung. Let's go."
He drags Felix to the back seat against his protests, hopping on the passengers seat with a huff.
Chan makes small talk, because of course he does. Asks about their major, about Felix's family, tells him his voice is attractive, which makes Felix blush a deep shade of pink. Jisung just listens, answering shortly every time either of them talk directly to him.
There's just something about the way Chan interacts with people, once in a while, that bugs Jisung, the same way he's doing it now. He's all smiles and pleasantries, and Jisung supposes it must feel good talking to Chan as an outsider — they must feel like Chan is very nice, that he looks genuinely interested on them. Jisung does not feel the same. There's this strained feeling about the way he speaks, as if his words are made of plastic, his expressions too business-like.
Maybe he's being judgmental again.
"I hope you're taking good care of my baby, Felix-yah." Chan says with an annoying smile, glancing at the boy in the back seat.
Jisung grunts in misery. "Hyung, c'mon, don't say shit like that."
Felix chuckles, clearly uncomfortable. "He's doing very well, sunbae. Don't worry."
They soon arrive at Felix's place, dropping him off and following to their house. It's no more than five minutes by car, and Jisung scrolls on his phone, ignoring the weird silence that settles over them.
Jisung heads to the kitchen to grab a snack as soon as he steps into the house. He's so concentrated on deciding what to eat that he doesn't realize that Chan followed him and is standing awkwardly around the kitchen table, messing up with the fruit bowl. When he turns around with a bag of potato chips in hand, he doesn't think much of it, just eyeing his brother weirdly.
"So… your friend seems nice." Chan starts, as he seems to make up his mind and grabbing a tangerine. He doesn't raise his eyes, peeling the fruit slowly.
Jisung opens his bag of chips with a loud noise, maybe louder than necessary. He stares at his brother's fuss of blonde hair, his arms suddenly tense.
"Yeah." Jisung says back, and it sounds loosely like a question, almost as if he's asking 'and what about it?'
Chan looks up as he picks a piece of the tangerine and shoves it into his mouth. The way he chews softly is yet another difference from Jisung, who had always been into stuffing his mouth full.
"I'm just saying," he shrugs, sounding a bit… defensive? No, that's not it. Withdrawn, maybe. "Will he be around in the future?"
Jisung can't help the way his eyebrows furrow at first, and he has to put an effort into schooling his expression back to normal. What could that even mean in this case? Is Chan interested in Felix? The thought makes Jisung's stomach growl in discomfort, throat locking in the slightest. Why would he be so cryptic about it, anyway?
"I don't know, hyung, he's my friend," Jisung tries not to let his worry seep into his voice. "Why do you ask?"
Chan stares at him, and he seems somewhat embarrassed, for whatever reason. He eats some more, his lips pouting like a duck's as he chews.
"He's good looking, isn't he? Are you guys like…" he says as he swallows. Jisung almost chokes around a chip. "You know, are you interested in him or something?"
Jisung frowns. "What? No." the question leaves Jisung slightly perturbed. He stares at the figure of his brother's face, clear that he was feigning indifference. "Are you?"
Chan's eyes widen for a bit and then his face becomes a scowl before morphing back into something neutral.
"Hey, no, that's not it." he chuckles. Jisung lifts one eyebrow, confused at the behavior, not entirely convinced of Chan's words. "I'm just trying to keep up with my little brother's life! You know?"
Jisung can't help but roll his eyes. "Oh my god."
That makes Chan laugh, throwing himself at Jisung's shoulders when he passes by, marching towards his room.
"Hey, you up?"
Jisung takes his eyes away from his laptop, his eyes landing on Chan, who's leaning against the door of his room. His breath hitches as he's met with the image of his brother wearing his rugby shorts, his hand in a fist around a sweat-drenched shirt, showing a sliver of his abdomen.
Jisung's eyes lift to his face for a moment. His face is still red, hair tousled around, even though it hasn't really been much in any other way since he had cut it short and softly spiky. He looks…
"I'm sleeping." Jisung answers, taking his eyes away.
Chan rolls his eyes. "Haha."
Jisung can feel Chan's eyes on him the moment that follows, but he doesn't say anything else.
"Anything you need, hyung?" he asks, nervousness making him slightly jittery, his hands flying on the keyboard but not really doing anything. He watches from the corner of his eye as Chan scratches his head, signs of hesitating.
"I just wanted to— I don't know. Are you okay lately, Jisungie?"
Jisung frowns, his hands stop moving.
"Uh, yeah? Why are you asking?"
He stops for a moment. Jisung doesn't think he has been any different near Chan than he is usually. Not consciously, at least, but he usually does his best to be normal. Could be that Chan... No. That's out of question.
Get a fucking grip, he tells himself, as Chan hesitates to speak.
"I'm sorry. It's probably nothing. I just feel you have been more… serious? Or sort of... Stressed? I don't know." Chan seems slightly frustrated at his attempt of putting it into words. "Hyung's just worried about you."
Jisung is quite stunned. Maybe he has been more introspective than usual lately, and specially around his older brother, but he had no idea Chan had noticed; he had never let on that he did, at least.
The truth is that their university is not big, and everyone seems to know Chan. It is quite annoying that he can't seem to escape him anywhere, and Jisung doesn't know how to feel about it. He doesn't want to resent Chan, but maybe he already does. It happens that way a lot of times.
"Uhm..." Jisung rubs his hands on his pants uncomfortably. He had definitely not prepared to be confronted like this. "I just..."
Chan's face is pitiful. It's one of those things that sets Jisung off a little. He knows Chan cares, overly so, but whenever he looks this genuine, Jisung сan let himself believe, for a bit, that his brother's care for him is special, that he's somehow more important than he thinks most of the time, when his usual skepticism takes over. He wants to tell Chan that it bothers him that people around him feel so comfortable with him, that his popularity is annoying, that everyone seems to gather around Jisung under the pretense of getting to his brother, that he can barely control the urge to say to every single person to just back the fuck off. But he doesn't. He wouldn't, the same way he wouldn't in high school, or in middle school. Because Chan is not to blame, no matter how badly Jisung wants to.
He fantasized about it before. To tell Chan how miserable he is to be his brother sometimes. How small he feels, how angry. Watch him apologize and get to see that guilty expression on his face, make him cry. Oh, he would enjoy that. His brother is pretty when he cries.
Jisung shakes his head softly, going back to the present, where Chan is still waiting for an answer.
"I'm just," he shrugs, trying to appear more nonchalant than he will ever be. "Adjusting to life, I guess. I'm not that good with new environments and people like you, hyung."
Jisung gets what he wants partially, because Chan looks slightly guilty now, even if he has no reason to; Chan isn't responsible for Jisung being an introverted person or anything like it, even if Jisung's answer was sincere in the first place. Chan crosses the threshold, stopping by Jisung.
"Aw, baby." he puts his hand on top of Jisung's head, caressing his hair. "Can I do anything to make it better?"
Jisung squirms away from his touch. "First of all, stay away from me. You stink."
Chan pouts, crossing his arms like a child throwing a tantrum.
"What a cruel life, my little brother keeps treating me like this." he dramatizes, as he always does when Jisung rejects his affection. "Tell me if you need anything, okay?"
Jisung sighs, but still nods, and that seems to satisfy Chan enough to make him leave.
He tries not to listen as his brother hops into the shower. There's nothing to listen, he shouldn't be tuning into Chan's movements at home, but somehow his mind finds a way. He listens as he gets out, as his door shuts closed.
Jisung's footsteps take him to the bathroom before he can think too much about it. The bathroom he shares with Chan, as their parents have their own en suite. He gets in, sits down to pee — which he doesn't need to do, but gets him on the right eye-level to fight his eyes from staring into the laundry basket in the corner, under the sink. He shouldn't even look at it — but he does. Once in a while, he fails in not looking. Usually, there's nothing in there but Jisung's dirty clothes, since Chan keeps most of his in his own room.
Jisung's stomach churns when his eyes land on a unmistakable pair of blue rugby shots, and a matching shirt. Jisung takes a sharp breath, not believing his eyes.
It's almost like Chan is mocking him. As if he knows Jisung is lying about his behavior and wants to punish him for being a lying piece of shit younger brother and on top of it all, a sick creep.
He extends his trembling hands to the basket, as if unable to control his own body (or if he wants to believe so). Jisung's fingers wrap around the fabric of the shorts, still cold from being soaked in sweat. When he lifts the piece of clothing and brings close to him, something else comes along, dropping to the ground.
Jisung is positively lightheaded when he reaches over and gets his hands on a pair of black boxers. His brother's.
His entire body is divided between shame and arousal as he brings the underwear close to his face. His dick stirs awake in his sleeping shorts, his nose being invaded by the smell of sweat and dirty fabric and something else — something so characteristically Chan that makes Jisung sick to his very core.
Nose close to the pair of boxers, Jisung sticks his hand haphazardly inside his own underwear, exhaling as softly as he can when he takes his cock in hand, the first pull dragging a grunt out of him that he tries to suppress.
It all brings Jisung close to the edge way too quickly: Chan's smell, the stinging scent of his sweat, the knowledge of where the piece of fabric had touched, the image of his tired face after practice, his skin tinted pink by the exhaustion, the pale skin of his abdomen as he talked to Jisung earlier.
A tiny moan leaves his mouth, and he shoves his face in Chan's underwear trying to muffle it, his dick drooling in his hand as his open mouth touches the wet fabric. Jisung's tongue worms out, tasting the salt and having his whole body shuddering in response.
Fuck, this is so wrong, Jisung's head conjures weakly as he pumps his dick faster.
He is fast enough to hold most of his release in his hand as he bites the piece of clothing. Even though it was quick, the pleasure fogs Jisung's mind for a few moments where he can't think about anything that's not Chan, flushed in the face and messy hair.
He washes his hand and throw the godforsaken underwear back in the pile, doing the walk of shame back to his room.
Thankfully, he doesn't meet Chan as he picks up his towel and crawls back to the bathroom to wash off the dirt and depravity from his skin.
Jisung has always wondered when did his older brother started liking men. He could have asked, sure, but he never did, and speaking about himself and intimacy was definitely one of Chan's least favorite things.
Hyung, are you okay? he had asked, more than once, when he was little, and Chan would stare at him, even if he was still red in the face from crying, for reasons he had become progressively better at hiding throughout the years. Hyung is okay, Jisungie, don't worry.
Do you like her? he had wondered, when he was a teenager, and Chan was always with some girl, who stuck to his side, hands around his biceps, laughing at everything he said. His brother just laughed, cradling Jisung's shoulders on his arms. What? No! Jisung-ah, hyung's attention is all yours, hm?
Jisung figured that since he already knew Chan was into guys, and Chan was aware he knew, there would be nothing else to talk about. Or at least, Chan would have nothing he would tell him.
Of course, their parents didn't know. Unlike Jisung, who had been caught by a teacher kissing some boy under the school library's stairs and consequently was outed to his parents at the age of fourteen, Chan has always been careful around everything and anything he knows wouldn't settle well with them (to put it simply, Chan is one heck of a liar).
And as much as it annoyed Jisung to listen to people sucking up to Chan all the time, he does not flatter when he catches them talking cruel stuff about him behind his back, especially when the commentary was homophobic. It would annoy Jisung to hear people talking like that about anyone, really.
It happened more than it should during high school. It was only rumors by then, and no one had any concrete proof of it. Someone saw him somewhere with some guy, meaning it could be total bullshit, but high-schoolers aren't really worried about the truth when there's hot gossip around the corner.
Jisung is on the rugby field to hand his brother something he forgot. A bag with whatever in it. Jisung isn't going to snoop it, too over-conscious about the underwear incident a few days prior.
Chan said he would be there in five minutes, said he was having a conversation with their coach. There's a group of guys by the benches, talking not too loud; they clearly can't sense Jisung's presence there.
"My sister has been coming to all the games because of him, god it's just so annoying," a guy says, in a light tone.
Another guy, a tall one with a buzzcut, laughs out loud and immediately cuts in with a comment: "Wait, because of Bang Chan?"
Jisung tenses at the mention of him. The guy from before nods with his head.
"Oh, do I have some news for her," buzzcut guy says. He's met with inquisitive looks. "What the fuck, dudes? That Bang guy is such a sissy, it's so obvious."
"What? No way." another guy says. "I saw him with girls like, multiple times."
Jisung rolls his eyes at the level of this conversation.
"I don't know man, but it's obvious to me. I've heard a lot about him and I've also seen him getting handsy with dudes before, and to be honest, he looks like five minutes away from bending over to any of us." buzzcut continues with another laugh.
"Whoever he's banging is not our business, though." says a guy with bleached hair, apparently the only one with brains in this conversation.
Buzzcut raises his hands in mock surrender.
"I'm just saying, man. It's just weird to have one of those around, isn't it? Like c'mon, no guy in sports wants to be in the same team as a fag."
"Hey, you shouldn't say that—"
Jisung is startled by Chan's voice calling for him, coming from the other side of the field. He waves at Jisung enthusiastically as he jogs his way over.
"Hi, baby!" he says as he gets close, already rosy in the cheeks by a little run. "Was it easy to find it?"
Jisung nods, handing the bag to Chan. Their fingers brush softly, and Jisung pulls them away as fast as he can without being weird. His brother smiles, that smile as radiant as the sun.
"Thank you so much, Jisungie. Hyung will thank you properly later." he says with a wink.
Jisung feels his cheeks burning and a frown setting over his features. His mind provides the perfect image of Chan's face, flushed and from above, right between his legs, his mouth glistening—
Jisung blinks really fast to chase it away. Why is this absolute moron speaking like that?
"Don't be ridiculous. My building is right there." Jisung says, rolling his eyes to disguise the ruckus his head has got itself into.
Chan just smiles again, unaware.
There's a party going on, and Jisung is very much not interested.
It's not like he doesn't like parties, he does, sometimes. The good thing about this one, happening on the yard of some rich kid from the basketball team, is that Felix is here. The bad thing is that some of Felix's other friends are also here, and Jisung thinks they're… annoying, to say the least.
One of the girls spent twenty minutes trying to get information from Jisung about Chan, who is around the house somewhere with one of the million groups of people he is friends with. Jisung isn't good telling people off, so when Felix realizes and comes to his rescue, he thanks him profusely.
He talks to some other people, a few kids with band tees when a guy points out he and Jisung are wearing the same one. It's the only moment throughout the party that he actually sees his brother, peaking from some corner and looking at him. He doesn't come over, just waves when Jisung looks at his direction.
After that, everything gets a little boring. Felix leaves with some beefy guy who's definitely trying to get in his pants, and the people he was talking to are nowhere to be seen anymore.
He decides to leave, too. It's not a long walk to his house from there.
Their parents aren't home tonight. As if they ever are, Jisung thinks to himself as he unlocks the door. All of them, Jisung, Chan, and their dad, know that their mom is cheating, and would probably find herself in the company of someone else in a Friday night; their dad, always trying to run away from actually solving the conflict, stays until late hours at work to hide.
Jisung doesn't dwell on it, as he usually chooses not to. He goes directly to his room, shedding his coat and sneakers on the way. He sits down by his computer, reading some post on his phone, automatically plugging one of his earphones. A familiar melody starts to play as soon as he hits the shuffle button on his most played songs.
I feel alone in my body, I feel the silence underneath
He falls easily into the song, the singer's voice strong and soothing at the same time.
And I've always been ashamed that I wanna, fall into a dream with my honor desecrated
Blood is jaded
I've never found a way to be honest, all I know is a place where I haunted memories faded
Blood is jaded
Jisung takes one of his earphones off for a minute, and he pauses when a noise from outside his room is heard.
It's faint at first, but it startles Jisung a little, as he thought he was alone at home. A little thud against his wall. The wall he shares with Chan.
Jisung stops altogether, scrambling to get his hands on something, anything he can use as a weapon — that's when he hears it, another bang against his wall, stronger this time, followed by a moan.
He listens closely, but he doesn't have to put much effort into it, because the other sounds that come next are louder. More moans. Grunts. A loud skin slap.
Jisung stares at the wall, dumbified. He could recognize his brother's voice in any type of way. He has heard it before. The much lighter, much more contained version of him thinking he was doing a wonderful job of keeping quiet as he pleasured himself. It is him there, on the other side of that wall, fucking someone else.
The noises just increase, get faster, get more intense. There's something being said. Something along the words of please, and harder, all in his brother's voice.
Jisung listens to it all like it's his duty. His head swims in the alcohol he had. His pants feel tight. And he listens.
Until it's over. Until a last broken cry swirls around the house. Until there's shuffling of clothes and sheets.
Jisung waits by the small crack of his door. Waits until the lock to Chan's room is opening.
Jisung gets angry at what he sees. Exiting his brother's room, messy hair and crumpled clothes, is the guy he saw by the rugby field the other day. The one with the buzzcut, who was being blatantly homophobic to him behind his back. His blood boils.
Chan is right behind him, wearing only a jersey that barely covers his ass. They're talking about something, but Jisung can't hear them over the sound of blood gushing through his ears, the maddening rage running around in his brain.
Chan finally sees him to the door, but not before the guy grabs him by his ass and kisses him one last time, leaving a flustered Chan behind. His brother walks to the kitchen and out of Jisung's sight.
Jisung has kept himself in check about Chan his entire life. He has learned how fucked-up the mix of emotions he had for his brother were. How much of an absolute freak he is. Always has been, as long as he remembers.
He had learned self-control. He had learned to keep a respectable space between him and his brother. He has it engraved in his brain.
And yet, he does what he's not supposed to. He lets the door hang open, and he follows Chan to the kitchen.
When Chan turns around at the sound of his steps, he seems like a deer caught in flashlights. His eyes widen and he lets out a loud gasp.
"Oh, shit—Jisung! You scared me." he puts one of his hands above his heart, exhaling and leaning against the counter. The jersey he has on covers just a smidge of his perfectly toned thighs. He can barely see the hem of his boxers under it.
Jisung grits his teeth.
Chan raises his head, recovered from the shock. His expression falls timid.
"How long have you been home? I didn't hear you come in." he asks, not looking at Jisung's eyes.
Jisung crosses his arms. "Long enough."
Chan blushes, his gaze trembling around the room, not knowing what to look at.
"Did you…?"
Jisung feels something dark coiling inside his chest, crawling between his ribs, making itself a nest.
"You weren't exactly subtle about it." he says, the bitter taste of the words dripping from his tongue.
Chan seems as embarrassed as Jisung has ever seen him.
"I'm sorry…" his voice is small, and he has his hands behind his back. "I didn't know you were already home. I."
Jisung walks into his direction. He realizes, with a burning coldness across his chest, a hickey blooming against his brother's neck.
"Like you would even care, huh?"
Chan stops, his eyes finally blinking and fully focusing on Jisung. Something in his face tells that he, then, notices, the strange demeanor in which his little brother presents himself all of a sudden.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he frowns, crossing his arms in his chest. The action makes the shirt bundle up, exposing his black underwear.
"Acting like the whole neighborhood needed to know what you were doing in there with that piece of shit." Jisung scrunches his nose in disgust just thinking about the man who was in their house only moments ago. Inside their home. Inside his brother.
Chan's frown deepens. "Huh? What the hell are you saying?" he says, incredulous. "And who are you calling—"
"Yeah, I'm talking about that asshole you just brought over," Jisung points at the entrance door as if the guy is still there. He scoffs. "Hyung, are you that oblivious?"
"I don't know what do you mean—"
"You had to go out there and fuck the jock who calls you a fag behind your back? Are you stupid?" Jisung blurts out.
Chan is indignant now. "And how do you even know that?"
"I overheard him the other day," he grunts in response. Chan seems to be processing, his expression denouncing he doesn't believe in Jisung entirely. "Don't you really know when people don't even like you? Are you really that fucking stupid?"
Chan's expressions turns severe. He takes a step further into Jisung's space, tilting his head.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jisung? Are you that mad just because you've had to listen to some fucking?" he sticks his finger into Jisung's chest. "Grow the fuck up."
Chan doesn't wait to hear an answer, just storming by Jisung and into the hallway.
Jisung doesn't even blink before he's moving and in front of his brother again, one hand against his chest and pushing him into the next wall. Chan, not expecting the motion, falls and hits his back with Jisung right on him the next minute.
"Or just maybe you shouldn't be airing your business like some fucking slut, ever thought of that?" he growls, shoving him further, even though Chan has nowhere else to be forced into.
His brother looks livid.
"Fuck you," he spits, squaring his shoulders and pushing back, but Jisung just curls his hand against Chan's neck, stumbling his head back into the wall. "Let go of me! What's your fucking problem?"
"You," Jisung squeezes the base of his neck. Chan's hands come up to grab at his arm, trying to pull it away, but Jisung persists. "You're my problem, hyung, you always have been."
"What?"
Chan's gaze glints with something different than rage now. He's looking at Jisung for the first time tonight, actually expecting his next words.
"You've heard that right," Jisung presses closer to him. Their breaths mingle in the short space, and Chan's turns heavy really quickly. "Being your brother is fucking hell, you should know that."
They are so close Jisung can hear Chan's heart beating. The sudden pitiful look on Chan's face makes Jisung's cock twitch in his pants.
"Now you're just being ridiculous." Chan grunts between gritted teeth.
Jisung laughs, dark and humorless.
"Am I? Am I really, hyung?" he says, warmth on the shared space between their faces.
Chan opens his mouth. He looks mildly guilty, still assessing what is this situation fully about. He's not oblivious to this, though. The sliver of rage Jisung is letting out for the first time about how they live, what they do, what their relationship as siblings mean. He has never been.
His eyes trail down, and his whole body stops to a halt, his shoulders tensing, expression freezing into shock.
"Jisung." his voice is thin, laced with a sudden feeling of doom. "What the fuck."
Jisung bites his lower lip. He doesn't need to look, he knows. He knew Chan would notice. He knows he's is looking right up to not so discreet bulge in his pants. Shamefully, the flash of horror on Chan's face just makes his cock stir again.
He doesn't say anything, just standing right where he is. Chan tries to shove past him with not enough strength, huffing in frustration, eyes widened.
"Get the fuck away from me."
Chan is strong. Jisung knows it, has seen it, multiple times, in multiple ways. Jisung isn't weak, either, but Chan could escape his makeshift chokehold if he really wanted to. His resolve is not resolute.
Jisung only has to push a little closer for the tent in his pants to press against Chan's hip.
He looks angry, angrier than before, a mix of emotions stamped on his pretty face. His brother's ears are blushed in that adorable way it happens whenever someone makes him flustered, twitching softly.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Chan says, lowering his gaze. His voice tone and the look in his eyes are both dangerous, the type that could have someone flinching, the type he rarely used but had Jisung trembling in his shoes when he was younger.
Jisung smirks, his other hand tracing down Chan's arm, sliding to his stomach, earning a wince from his brother before he drags two fingers against the front of Chan's boxers. He licks his own lips when Chan gasps as his fingers catch on his half-hard cock.
"Woah." he spreads his fingers around his bulge, adrenaline pumping strongly through his veins. "What are you doing, hyung?"
"Get your hands off me!" Chan forces his arm away. Jisung retreats it, but doesn't back away completely. "You fucking—freak."
Jisung laughs again, and it's dark as the same as it's full of bliss. He leans into Chan's side, lips to his ear.
"Calling me a freak while you're hard is bold." he clicks his tongue.
It sends Chan into a light frenzy.
"That's not because of you—"
"Is that any better?" Jisung snarls. "Do you get hard for just anyone? How's that any better than being a slut, hyung? How's that better than that guy saying you'll bend over for any of your teammates?"
He leans back to look at Chan's face. There's hurt in his eyes, his top lip trembling slightly. He looks close to crying. Jisung's chest feels constricted from so many emotions. It feels hard to breathe with how ruined Chan looks.
"Jisung," Chan's voice is low and shaky. "Stop this madness. I'm your brother. Your goddamned older brother."
"As if anyone would ever let me forget that, hm?" he grabs his waist, bringing their hips closer together. Chan muffles a sound against his own hand when their hard-ons make direct contact, his face getting even more blushed. "I'm just your little shadow, isn't that right? Someone to make you feel like you're so much better?"
Small beads of tears spring around Chan's eyes. Jisung exhales, too many thoughts crossing his mind — just like licking his tears straight from his eyes, tasting the salt and the hurt and the regret.
"That's not true." Chan murmurs behind his hand. He levels his gaze with Jisung's. "You know it isn't."
"I don't know anything when it comes to you." Jisung mutters.
His touch around his neck slips up, fingers closing around his throat. Jisung's other hand grabs Chan's hips, and when he thrashes, he just holds him in place as if it's easy, dragging their clothed dicks together. Chan is not fast enough to catch a moan from slipping out.
"Well, now I know you're loud when you get fucked," Jisung's nose touch Chan's, making him remove his hand from his mouth. His lips look rosy and plump, perfect. "And that you must be still all wet and loose from that motherfucker from before."
His touch slides under Chan's shirt, grabbing the hem of his boxers from behind and slapping it against his skin.
"Don't fucking say that…"
"It's true, isn't it?"
He shoves his fingers inside his underwear, groping the delicious flesh of his ass, middle finger slipping through his crack greedily. He dips his finger until it finds the wet mess leading to his hole; the muscle flutters when Jisung touches it. Chan moans again, tight and shoving his hips forward against Jisung's own.
"You're dripping, hyung," Jisung says, hearing the whine in his own voice as he forces the pad of his finger past the ring, his lips rubbing against Chan's. He feels feverish when Chan automatically clenches around it.
Jisung bites his bottom lip raw as he leans back to look at his brother. His pale skin is pink and gorgeous, a streak of a single tear marked against his face. Jisung is so hard it hurts.
He takes a step back, and Chan sobs when Jisung lets his neck go. He barely has a moment to recover before Jisung is grabbing his forearm, pulling his brother with him as he scuffs him into following as Jisung heads to his room.
"Jisung, s-stop, let's talk before—" Chan says, shakily, as they cross the threshold.
He's not fighting too much, tripping on his feet as Jisung yanks him inside and smashes the door closed.
"Oh, so now you wanna talk?" Jisung mocks.
He approaches his brother, and his lips quirk up when Chan takes a step back, hitting his shins against the bed. Jisung quickly grabs his hips, coercing him into his back. Making everything easier, Chan stumbles and catches himself with a knee on the bed, his back bent right in front of Jisung.
Jisung pushes his shirt up his back, revealing his pale waist, palming his hands over it possessively. Chan tries to stand back up, but Jisung only pushes him again with a hand on his neck.
"Let's talk, hyung."
Jisung pulls Chan's boxers down, easily inserting two fingers inside his hole to the first knuckle. Chan grunts, looking back on his shoulder.
Goosebumps arise through Jisung's entire body when his fingers sink in, Chan pulling him inside his wet mess, his mouth pursed around a moan.
Jisung drags his fingers back just to push them inside again, soon creating a rhythm that makes Chan's back arch into it.
"Look how easy you're taking it," Jisung says, squeezing Chan's waist. "So wet. Did you let that son of a bitch cum inside you, huh?"
Chan sobs. "N-no!"
"Good," Jisung grumbles. "Or I would've had to kill him."
Jisung presses harder, faster, and Chan's head falls over, his elbows giving in under the weight of his upper body, a whimper leaving his mouth.
"You're joking." he says, breathless.
"Am I?" Jisung laughs, twisting and crooking his fingers. Chan screams. "Maybe I should still beat the shit out of him, though."
Chan clenches around his fingers at that, his hips moving back slightly. The dimples of his back are deep with his arch, and Jisung's cock throbs.
"You like that, hyung?" he says. He suddenly pulls his fingers back, and Chan almost goes limp against the bed, saved by Jisung's hand on his hip. "You want me to send him a message? Tell him me messed with something that ain't his?"
"Stop this…" Chan mumbles.
Jisung shoves his underwear all the way down, and he draws out a breath when Chan's cock bounces out of the fabric, hard and heavy against the bed.
"Stop what?"
Jisung undoes his belt with a clink, attracting Chan's attention back to him. His eyes are as wide as marbles, mouth open dumbly.
"You're not gonna—"
Jisung pushes his pants and underwear down, groaning when he finally frees his cock. He wraps a hand around himself, throwing his head back. He grabs Chan's hip again, and he once again puts up a sad little fight.
"What?" Jisung sighs, moving forward and rubbing the head of his cock against Chan's crack. His hips twitch. "You're gonna tell me you don't want it?"
Chan's gaze fall to Jisung's cock for a moment, his eyes getting half-lidded as he breathes heavily. Jisung licks his lips, pressing it against Chan's hole lightly, only enough to push softly inside.
"Tell me you don't want me to fuck you, hyung." Jisung says, still holding his cock in place.
Chan grabs the comforter under his hands, overwhelmed.
"I…" he mumbles, trying to stutter any other words, but not being able to do so.
"That's what I thought."
Jisung rams his hips forward, slamming his cock inside Chan all the way at once, a moan leaving his own mouth when enveloped by the incredible heat of his brother's hole. Chan cries, his body moving forward, his neck losing all strength and leaving him to smash his cheek against the mattress.
"Fuck," Jisung exhales. "You're not loose at all, hyung. Maybe that fucker's prick was just too small for you."
Chan just mumbles something unintelligible at that, his mouth producing another moan as Jisung starts thrusting.
"Ah—ah—fuck—"
Chan is not that loud, Jisung just wanted to pick on him earlier; still, the sounds he does produce are infused with this syrupy sweetness that sticks to Jisung's ears like a drug, empowering the overwhelming hunger he feels inside as he fucks him.
"You love this shit, don't you?" Jisung mutters as he watches his cock disappear inside Chan like he's under a spell. "Such a dirty whore."
"You're the one fucking your own brother like an animal out of control." Chan has the strength to snarl.
Jisung sheathes his cock as deep as he can, grinding his hips in a way that make his brother's hips tremble.
"And you're the one letting me, hm? I bet you wanted this all this time. I bet you were dying to corrupt your own little brother."
Chan hiccups. "N-no, that's all you, fucker—nghn—fuuuuck—ahh—"
Jisung knows he found his prostate with how Chan sounds, the way his back arches, hips fucking back into Jisung so hard the skin slapping turns even more obscene than before. He keeps hitting the same spot until all his brother can make are broken moans and whimpers, his eyes closed and a line of spit escaping his lips and soaking into the bed.
"All me, huh?" Jisung leans forward enough to wrap his hand around Chan's cock, hard and wet with pre-cum and rubbing against the bed.
"Got this stupidly big thing and can't even use for shit." Jisung mocks, squeezing the length in his hand. Chan buries his face on the comforter, clenching so hard Jisung has to force his way back in. "Too busy being a cock-drunk slut."
Jisung lets go of his erection to slips his fingers through Chan's scalp, pulling him with a grunt of pain, freeing the desperate moan that leaves his mouth when his face is suspended from the bed.
Chan's pink blushed face and tear-stained face seems pulled from Jisung's deepest, darkest desires.
"Jisungie…" Chan mumbles between wet breaths. "Please…"
"What?" Jisung grumbles as he snaps his hips, a bead of sweat dripping down from his forehead. He unhooks his fingers from Chan's hair, laying him with his cheek on the mattress again. "Don't tell me you wanna cum already."
Jisung is bluffing. He is a little crack away from coming himself, the intoxicating rhythm and the situation and his brother making it really difficult to hold back.
Chan only whines in response, and he sneaks a hand between his legs, the sight of him touching himself to Jisung fucking him sends him into utter madness. He starts fucking him in a brutal pace that has Chan's moans stringing together without stopping until he's coming all over his own fist. His hole strangles Jisung's cock so hard he lets out a guttural moan, his vision blurring.
Chan gets even softer against the bed, only being held by Jisung's hands on his hips, not slowing down his thrusts at any moment, entranced by the sight of Chan with his eyes closed and mouth agape.
"Fuck, you're gonna milk me dry, hyung," Jisung grunts.
Chan doesn't respond. He opens his eyes halfway, swallowing hard, looking straight from a porno.
"So well-behaved," Jisung squeezes his ass so hard his knuckles turn white. Chan only whimpers in response. "It didn't took much, did it? Such a good little cocksleeve."
"Ah! Ah—ah…"
Jisung tips his edge, his movements getting more violent as he pushes Chan on his cock, his abused hole clenching around him as he rams inside with everything he has until he sees white, coming with a final groan. He shoots his load deep inside Chan, his body getting rigid then limp, falling with a sigh over him.
Jisung pulls out with a sigh, his eyes raking upon his brother's figure and feeling an aftershock as he watches a fat glob of cum sliding out of Chan and running down his thigh.
Jisung closes his eyes, his ears ringing to the loudness of reality, of the insanity of what he just did, what they did.
Chan's hips drop to the bed altogether, and he curls into himself, looking small and frail despite himself.
"Hyung?" Jisung calls, his voice unsure for the first time tonight. Chan only grunts in response.
Jisung doesn't say anything else, too wrapped up in the horror and the ecstasy of the most profound of his sins. He discards his pants and underwear wordlessly, watching Chan for any other reactions, just catching the movement of his chest and his closed eyes fluttering.
Jisung washes himself off quickly, thanking the universe for the lack of any signs from their parents.
When he goes back to his room, Chan is sitting by the bed, and he only spares Jisung a single, undefinable look before being out and into the bathroom too.
Jisung cleans his sheets with his chest heaving so hard it feels like he's breathing rocks. He's never felt worse. He's never felt better. He feels like the whole world has just collapsed. He also feels like it's the first time in his entire life he has felt truly alive.
He listens to the water running, on and off. Chan doesn't take too long. Jisung pretends he's busy, stacking up books and folding clothes that were thrown around for almost a week just to have something to do. The door to Chan's room opens and closes, and Jisung thinks, that's it.
The main lights are off, leaving just a nightlight by his bed. He just stares at the wall with his mind racing. Jisung doesn't think he can sleep. Doesn't think he will ever be able to sleep again.
Four days.
It has been four days and Jisung is losing his mind.
He has barely seen Chan. He got up before Jisung, left earlier, came back home later than before.
Jisung is painfully aware that nothing will ever be the same between him and his brother. He doesn't know what's worse, knowing how severely fractured his relationship with Chan has become, or having to live with the knowledge of how it feels like. How it feels to touch Chan, how it feels to have him.
In the fourth day, late enough to be almost the fifth, there's a knock at his door.
Jisung is holed up in his bed, only the led lights of his computer set-up and the nightlight by his bed illuminating the room. His heart races immediately. He knows it's probably just his mom, waiting for an opportunity to nag at him for not being asleep yet, but still.
"It's open." he says, his voice coming out weak.
The silhouette of his brother alone is enough for Jisung to quickly recognize him. Something sinks in Jisung's stomach, something old, sick and rotten.
Chan is standing there, pushing his door closed. He's in sleeping shorts and a tank top, his chest is moving quickly, heavy and nervous.
Just looking at him has Jisung's entire body fuming. Working in full speed.
"Can we talk?" Chan croaks as he moves closer, the soft padding of his feet on the floor.
"About what?"
Chan grimaces visibly even in the dark.
He stops by the bed, right beside Jisung, his hands behind his back. Wordlessly, Jisung scoots away from the edge, a silent invitation. Chan accepts it, sitting down carefully, as if the bed is about to break under his weight.
"Sungie, you know…"
Jisung sighs, rubbing his hands over his hair. He glues his eyes to the ceiling.
"I know what you're going to say, or rather, I have a few guesses," Jisung commences. "That it was a mistake. That we should forget all about it, do our best not to ruin the family. That I should get help, if you're feeling especially venomous."
Jisung knows he should be grateful because Chan is his brother and not someone else. Chan is stupidly altruistic and caring, and even after what Jisung had put him through, he wouldn't do what someone would like cut ties with Jisung, curse him, or even tell their parents. It is clear in the way he has approached him tonight that he won't do any of that.
Chan looks around with a sigh. "Well, yeah." he shakes his head. "It was stupid. And absurd. You're my little brother and I. It went too far. We should try to find a way… to fix this."
Jisung just nods, because he's right, even though he would never go as far as saying that they should try any fixing in their relationship. There's nothing that can be done.
"And I know I should mean all of it," Chan murmurs, capturing Jisung's attention. He turns his head to his brother, who looks like he's having an internal battle. "But, fuck, I can't."
Jisung's mind goes blank as he stares at Chan's rising eyes, uncertainty painted all over his face.
"What?"
He watches like from a feverish filter as Chan moves closer. Jisung almost jumps when he feels the touch of his brother's hand against his, so light it tickles. He lets his hand be held like Chan is holding something incredibly breakable.
Chan's face is slowly near his, the air thick and warm with their heavy breaths.
"I can't forget it," Chan whispers, his voice falling on Jisung's ears like a feather. "I can't. I know it's wrong and it's filthy but I… I…"
Jisung's heart hammers against his chest like it's trapped. Chan bites his lip, blinking at Jisung like he holds all the answers and all the curses at the same time. His hand moves, their fingers intertwining as they are pulled to each other by an invisible thread, Chan's nose grazing against Jisung's cheek, breaths mingling.
Nothing ever will be like kissing Chan, Jisung realizes as soon as it happens. His plush lips engulf his entire existence as he licks into Jisung's mouth shyly, squeezing their fingers together. Jisung uses his free hand to grab Chan's face, pressing their kiss even closer, harder, more urgent.
Chan is pulled to Jisung's lap desperately, as if they got a clock ticking on top of their heads. His strong thighs straddle him, feet tucked under Jisung's legs as Jisung tries to swallow him whole through his kiss.
Jisung pulls back only to latch onto Chan's neck, licking and biting the soft skin over his racing pulse. Chan sighs and gasps as he slides his hand through Jisung's hair. Jisung holds up their joined hands, squeezing Chan's hand on his, touching his waist with the other.
He pushes down the collar of Chan's tank top, kissing his collarbones as his brother throws his head back, whining softly, rolling his hips over Jisung's rapidly filling cock. Chan's own is already bulging against his sleeping shorts, rubbing slightly against Jisung's stomach when he moves back and forth.
Jisung leaves Chan's hand reluctantly to push his tank top up, caressing his stomach and his chest. Chan helps him take off the piece of clothing, revealing the pretty expanse of skin Jisung barely believes he has access to.
Chan shudders when he brushes past his nipples. They perk up as soon as Jisung starts playing with them, rolling the buds under his fingers. He mouths along his brother's chest until his lips find his right nipple, sucking it into his mouth. Chan moans, pushing his chest against Jisung's lips as he rolls his tongue around it and then fills his mouth with his pec, flicking his tongue around the skin.
He does the same to the other one until Chan's nipples are both puffy and red, his chest wet with Jisung's messy play.
"Such pretty tits," Jisung can't help but murmur as he rubs his palms over them. Chan looks away from him, his hips rolling slowly in his lap. "They're so huge I bet I could fuck them."
A strangled sound catches on Chan's throat at that. He rolls his hips again, dragging his erection against Jisung's lap.
Jisung holds both of his pecs in hand as he searches for Chan's face, nosing along his jaw.
"You'd like that, hm? You'd let me fuck your tits, hyung?" he says, leaving a chaste kiss on his cheek.
Jisung lets a smile slip through his lips when he sees Chan nodding softly, cheek resting against his own shoulder. Jisung's dick throbs painfully, and he squeezes Chan's chest in his hands.
His slides his touch down his ribs and waist, then dips his hand inside his sleeping shorts. Jisung hums as he realizes his brother isn't wearing underwear, which is not uncommon for him; Chan is not a fan of wearing clothes at all around their hone. Which surprises Jisung is what he finds when his hand goes lower, his fingertips suddenly touching cold and… wet?
Jisung feels his entire body becoming freezing cold and burning hot at the same time, leaning back to search for Chan's eyes once again. When he does not find them, he brings a hand to his jaw so he can look.
Chan's eyes are dark with luxury, his expression still faintly nervous. Jisung looks at him with so many, too many things going on in his body and mind.
"Hyung, you're dirty," Jisung mumbles, desire dripping from his voice as he capture Chan's lips on his. "And eager."
Chan grinds down on him, blinking his eyes slowly. Jisung controls his voice so he doesn't let out anything louder than a low moan.
"Take these off, then." Jisung says against his lips.
Chan obeys, leaving his lap so he can yank off the stupid shorts and get fully naked.
His brother, naked in his bed, his hole slicked and prepared for him. Jisung couldn't have dreamed of that, he realizes as he watches Chan crawl back to him with his mouth watering at the display of his gorgeous body.
Chan's cock bobs as he sits back on Jisung's thighs, hard and intimidating, bigger than Jisung's. Jisung immediately wraps his hand around him, earning a hiss from his older brother, who pushes his hips forward in his touch.
"You're so unfair," Jisung jerks him off lazily. "Even your cock is pretty."
Chan puts his hand over his mouth to smother another moan.
"Jisungie, c'mon…" he whines.
Jisung leans back and pull Chan by his waist, in a way that makes Chan seat right over Jisung's cock.
"What, hyung? You don't like the praise?" he chuckles. "Do you prefer being talked down to?"
"I didn't say that…" Chan protests weakly.
Jisung is sweating already, his cock pulsing under Chan's weight. He quickly pushes his pants and underwear down just enough to take a hold of it, less gracefully than he would like, yanking Chan forward. His brother seats back, leaving space for Jisung to handle himself and rub his tip against Chan's slick hole.
Chan wiggles his hips softly, expectant, and Jisung can't help but tease him a little until Chan is huffing and restless. He laughs, earning a glare from his brother before his face morphs into pleasure when Jisung sinks inside, holding off a moan by biting his lip.
"Fu—uck…" Chan babbles, pressing his nails on Jisung's shoulders.
He doesn't wait for Jisung to move, lifting his hips up and sinking down again on Jisung's cock. Jisung groans, fucking Chan back, meeting him in the middle.
Their joint effort makes the slapping sound echo around the room. Jisung slows down a bit, holding Chan by his waist and fucking him with full thrusts, each one punching an airy sound out of his brother's mouth.
"Shhh," Jisung holds Chan's cheeks, making him open his eyes halfway. He looks so sexily fucked out it makes Jisung's hips tremble, his cock pulsating inside him. "You don't want mom and dad to hear you, do you, hyung?"
Chan bites his cheek as he rolls his hips.
"No…"
Jisung smiles sweetly, kissing him. "God, they would be so shocked. Their perfect oldest son taking his little brother's cock like a bitch in heat."
Chan's pants as he throws his head back, his back arching beautifully as he bounces on Jisung's lap. His neck lolls to the side, his full lips parting. He looks like a painting like this, his skin glowing under the softer lights in the dim room.
"So beautiful," Jisung plants a kiss on his chin, hands possessively around his waist, helping him fuck himself on Jisung's dick. Chan moans softly.
"Fuck, Jisungie," he mouths sloppily. "So good, baby…"
Jisung feels himself jolting at the praise, at the pet name used so many times before, so different now. He pulls Chan even closer with a growl on his lips.
"Yeah?" Jisung presses their chests together, noses touching softly. "You could've come to me earlier if you needed, hyung."
Chan just nods dumbly as Jisung fucks him slowly but harshly, so completely lost in the sensation that makes Jisung's chest rattle violently.
"It would've saved your time from getting fucked by some asshole." Jisung says before he can stop himself, his voice dripping with anger.
Chan smiles softly at that.
"All that show from before was because you were jealous, wasn't it?" Chan slides his hands further on Jisung's shoulders, speaking right against his lips. "I knew it."
Jisung growls in irritation, grinding his pelvis against Chan's ass, almost as if he can go any deeper than he is now. Chan lets out a prolonged moan.
"If you hadn't been so hard-headed, you would've known I've been yours all this time, baby."
All the air is punched from Jisung's lungs, his nose stinging upon hearing the sentence. Chan's eyes are on him, full of adoration. How come has he never realized?
Jisung moves forward, shifting his weight and throwing Chan into the bed with a bounce. He gasps in surprise. Jisung is on him, urging between his legs, cock already sheathed inside him again.
Chan whimpers approvingly of the new position, arms over his head as he takes Jisung's cock with his mouth open and eyes fluttering closed.
Jisung is on him, as close as he can, pressing their foreheads together as he fucks him with a newfound rhythm.
"Oh my g—yes—fuck—right there—" Chan murmurs, out of air, and Jisung feels hot when he notices how badly he's trying to keep it down.
His brother is under him, moaning for him, squeezing around his cock, pliant and for his use. His.
"Mine."
Jisung angles his hips just right, and he realizes soon that the sound that starts coming up from Chan's throat is loud, so he quickly tapes a hand over his mouth to muffle it. Chan's cock leaks against his stomach, his eyes heavy with desire as he moans against Jisung's hand.
"Do you understand it, hyung? You're mine."
Chan nods several times. Jisung takes his hand away from his mouth, and Chan takes a deep breath.
"Yours, baby. All yours."
Jisung comes inside him with a string of curses under his breath, holding him in place so he be buried all the way.
Jisung blacks out for a moment, his awareness coming back with the wet sound of Chan jerking himself off. He recovers as fast as he can, spitting in his own hand and nudging Chan's hand away to help him.
It doesn't take long before Chan is coming, Jisung's name on his gasps and pants as he spills so hard it paints his own chest. Jisung is mesmerized by the vision of him like this, his body language, the expression on his face, the way his eyes roll out, trying to engrave it all in his mind forever.
Jisung lays on him, not caring about the mess it makes, tucking his face on Chan's neck. His heart is beating so fast it looks about to punch a hole through his chest and into Chan's.
They stay like that for a while, with Jisung wondering about everything as he drowns on Chan's scent. He could have slept like that if it weren't for Chan telling him he needed to move since he was starting to get cramps.
Jisung discards his shirt on the floor and quickly goes to get a pack of wipes from his closet, cleaning his brother's skin the best he can.
Chan looks entranced by his every move. Jisung tries to school his expression into normality, and he thanks the dim lights of the room for masking the redness on his cheeks.
He sits awkwardly by his side when he finishes up. A few moments pass by and Jisung is figuring out how to flee from his own room when arms envelop him by his waist, warm skin pressing on his, a warm cheek on his shoulder. His heart races again.
"I'm sorry." Jisung murmurs, because it's the only thing that comes to mind. Chan's lips ghost over his skin, making him shiver.
"About?" Chan instigates.
Jisung inhales. "For being an asshole to you. You were right, I was jealous and I was angry and I said things…"
Chan stays silent for a moment, breathing into Jisung, his hands secured around his waist, chest against his back.
"Do you really hate being my brother?" is what Chan says after a long beat, and his voice is so thin it makes Jisung feel sick.
"No," Jisung responds weakly. He grabs one of Chan's hands on his stomach. "It's just… it's too much pressure sometimes. Because you're perfect."
Jisung feels as Chan's heartbeat increases, beating against his shoulder.
"I'm not perfect," Chan mumbles. "I'm not even close."
Jisung scoffs. "Right. I forgot you also can't take compliments."
"Shut up."
Another beat of moment goes by.
"It's not your fault, though," Jisung says. "I think I've always hated that it isn't. I couldn't blame you, or hate you, and that made it harder."
Chan just listens, nodding softly.
"The fact that I, uh—uhm, w-wanted you," his voice gets lower as he says it, his face flushing. "Didn't help it either."
Chan presses a kiss against his shoulder, soft, warm and long.
"My poor baby," he says, but there's no condescension in his tone. "I'm sorry I've made you feel that way."
Jisung gets silent. He doesn't have to say it, Chan knows that it's not his fault. There's no reason to feel guilty over the fact that he's too good, and that other people made Jisung feel like he's not enough just because he's not like Chan. Realistically, he knows all of this.
He turns around just enough to connect his lips to Chan's, carefully. Chan kisses him back, and his stomach flutters. When they pull apart, their faces remain close, and Chan stares at him with a look that makes Jisung's heart do somersaults in his chest like he's a pre-teen getting his first crush.
"What you said before," Chan speaks softly. "Is it true?"
"What?" Jisung's voice scrapes his throat.
"Am I really yours? Or was it the heat of the moment?"
Jisung thinks he's about to die at this rate. He sinks his face down against Chan's shoulder.
"Are you not embarrassed to say shit like that?" he grunts. Chan chuckles.
"You're pretty shy now for someone who talks his ass off during sex." Chan snuggles against him, slipping his fingers through Jisung's hair.
Jisung whines. "Well, yeah… it's just… it just feels different."
Chan hums. Jisung lets Chan hug him tight against his chest.
"You don't need to answer if you don't want to. And it's okay if the answer is negative…" Chan says, his voice no louder than a breath. "It doesn't have to be a thing."
Jisung's chest constricts immediately, the mere idea of Chan going on with his life as if nothing happened between them is like he just got a very painful, merciless punch against his stomach. The idea of anyone else having Chan was already terrible before all of this, and now it's just too much.
He turns around entirely, making Chan back away a little so they can be face to face. Jisung's throat feels tight.
"Hyung, you don't understand," he says. Chan tilts his head in confusion. "You are mine. You don't get to not be mine."
Chan gasps softly, his eyes trembling in the low light. He looks struck in a way Jisung can't describe. Can't tell if it's good or bad, can't tell if Chan is going to fight him in this or not.
"Jisungie…" he mumbles, and he closes his eyes. "You can't…"
"Hyung, you've been mine since the day I was born." Jisung runs him over, heart in his throat.
Chan can't tell him no. He can't.
Even through that, Jisung is prepared for a rejection. He's prepared to have to convince him. He's prepared to have to—
Chan lunges forward, hands on Jisung's face, searching for purchase in anything as he joins their lips in a messy kiss. Jisung's heartbeat quickens inside his chest in a way that it seems like it's going to burst.
He takes in the taste of his brother in their despair of a kiss. It feels like it's never going to end. It feels like they're going to be forced apart. It feels like they have to take everything and anything despite what is going to come next.
"I heard Chan-oppa got himself a partner." one of Felix's friends says when they sit down to eat lunch.
Jisung is vaguely listening. He has heard that before, has been hearing it for a week or two.
"No way. Who is it?" another girl says.
"I don't know! Nobody seems to know."
"It must be gossip, then."
"I swear it's not. A guy I know has heard him say it!"
Jisung can't help but let his lip tug up softly.
"No way!"
"He said his partner and him don't want to disclose their relationship."
"That's ridiculous, who wouldn't want to brag about dating him?"
"Maybe it's really a guy…"
"Huh? I thought that was a rumor!"
"Oh, I don't think it is, you see, this guy from Architecture I know..."
Jisung stops listening. He knows the end of this story himself.