Chapter Text
Idia felt like he was in a SSR+ difficulty dungeon. Nerves racked his body; his hands shook, and his heart beat out of his chest.
Waves of nausea hit Idia the second he awoke, even with his family's trait of burning blot, which couldn’t stop the pounding headache and aching across his entire body. His face pressed against the cold, hard ground, a relieving sensation following the heat that seemed to fill Tartarus. Following his painful awakening, another type of pain hit him, an emotional one. A lump of discomfort and disappointment crawled up his throat. How could he have lost to these noobs!
He and Azul were head-to-head in their chess game; both were down the same number of pieces as they entered the final stage of the game. He could not lose this! He needed this win desperately to break their tiebreaker in their ongoing competition. If Azul got the lead on him, he’d never hear the end of it!
His body creaked as he sat up, a combination of his overblot and general unathleticness. After he wiped the remaining blot off his face, he finally took in his surroundings. Vil, or now old Vil (huh???), looked happy to see he was awake, so did Rook Epel and Yuu. Of course, that happiness was quickly overshadowed by some scolding and anger, but they looked… relieved overall?
Those moments of relief didn’t last for long, however, as a few moments later, Idia heard the weary footsteps of the others at S.T.Y.X. He braced himself for anger and more harsh scolding (and a bill from Azul) only to instead be met with a deafening silence.
Jamil and Riddle limped along. Jamil was supporting Riddle, but he looked like he needed a hand as well. Blood stained both of their clothes, and the scent of burning momentarily cut through the smell of blot, alerting Idia's still laggy brain to the fact that something was terribly wrong.
That wrongness multiplied tenfold when he finally laid eyes on Leona… or rather…
“Ha! I know just what to do to secure my victory!” Azul exclaimed triumphantly
Something, or rather, someone, was in Leona’s arms. His eyes immediately shot around, the one missing person- the light gray hair of the person in his arms, the blue tint that seemed to shine off the blood that seemed to cover what used to be the person's completely white tunic, as well as Leona’s clothes.
Azul.
He was hurt. And the blood. All that blood. It was too much- he needed a doctor like yesterday!
Rook seemed to reach that same conclusion faster than Idia did, immediately taking strides and reaching Leona before Idia could even recover from his own shock.
“Roi des Lions, let me help. I still have some magic left over.” He offered, reaching out a hand towards the pair.
It would be fine. Azul was hurt, but Rook was a third year just like him and a vice as well. He'd probably become a pro at healing magic, not to mention his weird knowledge about non-human biology.
He’d help Azul-
Leona took a step back, seemingly pulling Azul closer to him. “Azul… he’s dead…” Leona avoided eye contact as he delivered the news, his voice lacking the usual attitude he carried.
Dead…?
The world felt unsteady beneath Idia; he could feel everyone's eyes wandering to him.
Azul couldn't be….
Any moment now, Azul would get up and complain about reparations for wasting time, or medical bills, or some sort of money for emotional damage. There was no way he was-
Idia felt sick.
Azul played his next move, shocking Idia. Azul had always done textbook defense and offense, but something about this time was different; he was planning something that Idia couldn’t detect.
But he couldn’t seem to look away from the horror of his own creation. His eyes were laser-focused on Azul's limp form, blood dripping down his hand and leaking down his mouth.
Azul flashed him a sly grin, only confirming he had a deeper plan. “Make your move, Idia, or else prepare to lose!” Azul placed a hand on his chest as he announced his motives, his flair for dramatics showing.
A quiet gasp echoed throughout Tartarus. The only thing that followed it was the soft sniffling from Riddle.
“You sound like a total chuunibyou right now. Heh, not like I’ll let you win just cause your cringy though!” Idia found himself also getting more invested; he wouldn’t lose this tiebreaker!
“What…”
He examined the board closer before something caught his eye. Azul had been building up a play multiple moves ahead, it was so subtle he’d barely noticed it! He pulled at his jacket strings. This was the ultimate trap!
“What happened?!” Vil was the first one to speak up.
Flashes of memories he couldn’t place flicked through his mind like a hazy movie. The rage at Orthos’ pain, the fight to reach the top of Tartarus. It all began to come back to him.
Leona’s words flicked in and out of his thoughts, “I don’t… found like… Riddle…”
Riddle and Azul, facing off against him. Riddle being drained from the underworld and Azul's attempt at retreat followed. The seething rage that raced through him and into one last attack, even though it seemed retreat was on the horizon. He hadn’t even waited to see if he’d hit anyone before counting his ascent.
Azul smiled again at him, the same one he’d been using to distract him from his evil plans!
He- he hadn’t meant for this to happen; he just wanted to make a new world where ortho, himself, everyone, could be free. He didn’t want this.
“Well-“ he went to rebut, only for pieces of the roof to begin to fall. The whirring of machinery was all he could hear as S.T.Y.X. soldiers broke through the ceiling.
He felt a hand on his shoulder; he couldn’t tell whose it was, and he didn’t even feel aware of himself.
Idia sighed. The guys at S.T.Y.X. really had the worst timing: “Don’t resist Azul, they won’t hurt you, just trust me,” but if they were here for what he thought, then Azul and the others would be fine in the end. Azul was smart enough to stay out of things when it was dangerous; he wouldn’t get hurt. Idia would make sure of it.
Voices continued to fade in and out through his ears; he stared down at his hands. His clean, perfectly untouched. Hands that he had used to kill one of his only friends.
Azul looked a little concerned before quickly calming himself. It seemed he trusted Idia more than he had expected.
“Don’t think we’re done here.” He said, beginning to walk towards the S.T.Y.X soldiers, “I’ll be back to beat you!”
He had- what had he done-
“Who says you’ll win once you get back?” Azul rolled his eyes at him, “I’ll see you later, Azul.” Idia’s eyes lazily followed the S.T.Y.X soldiers as they took Azul away.
ugh, they probably needed him, considering his parents were out of town… what an annoyance. But it should go off without a hitch as long as the SSR troublemakers didn’t cause any issues…
More hands were on him now. He tried to push them away, but nobody would listen! He didn’t want to face what he had done. Why wouldn’t they leave him alone!
“Idia, you’ve got to snap out of it!” Vil's voice shot through his frantic haze as a pain spread throughout his cheek, grounding him in the moment and forcing him to face the music.
He had killed Azul.
◈━◈━◈
Idia woke with a jolt, his breath came out in short, stunted gasps, like the air around him was going to leave him, like everything else had seemed to. His hands were shaking and outstretched, reaching out for a game that was no longer there, a motion so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. It was like his body was itching to enact a muscle memory that was no longer needed, at least not anymore.
He groaned while cupping his head in his hands. These nightmares had been haunting him for the weeks that had followed what he had done, a constant sickening reminder of his reality even when he tried to flee in sleep. Most days spent in the waking world had ended and began with these terrible feelings, plaguing him and draining him of any want or desire to do, well, anything.
The last time he had felt any sort of motivation was when he realized the chip grim had spit up was actually Ortho's hard drive. Ortho didn’t deserve to stay a chip forever; he didn’t even do anything wrong. He was a machine that acted on algorithms, not on any real intent to harm. He wasn’t like Idia.
This fact was only cemented further when he discovered that through the gate to the underworld, Ortho had gained some sort of soul, becoming a humanoid that didn’t need Idia anymore. Especially considering that Ortho had his own life now, he was enrolled in NRC and was able to make friends, to live, to be human, all without his clingy older brother.
Of course, Ortho wasn’t as content as Idia was; he had begged and begged for Idia to come back with him, but even in the face of his convincing younger brother, he just couldn’t do it. Even though their blame wouldn’t be as strong as it could be, Idia still couldn't imagine facing other people, especially when all he could say would be lies. Nobody knew what had really happened after all.
S.T.Y.X. wasn’t extremely unknown for nothing; even without the River Lethe, they worked wonders with cover-ups. If nobody had gotten hurt, the entire incident might’ve been brushed under the rug, never to be heard of by the wider public.
However, when a student, especially one from a different country and species traveling to land through a renowned organization, gets kidnapped by an outside corporate entity tied to no government while on school property and then is killed while under their jurisdiction, covering it up becomes a lot more difficult.
He was actually relieved at first when that thought came to him; the punishment a villain like him deserved might've stopped the guilt that had been consuming him nearly constantly. The thought of any punishment, whether it be a prison sentence or death, seemed like a welcome relief.
However, his parents, for some reason, did not like or subscribe to that idea. Their unfortunate feelings led them to basically come up with a canon divergence au of what really happened.
The altered reality that his parents had created was this: while doing a routine checkup for overblot-related instances, the machinery keeping Tartarus in check malfunctioned. Idia, the standing director of S.T.Y.X. at the time, tried his best to fix it but ended up failing and injuring himself in the process. With nobody else left to help, the oh so kind students of Night Raven College stepped up in a valiant fight, with Azul Ashengrotto unfortunately losing his life to the hands of a titan.
Their tale shifted the blame away from Idia and instead onto the company and his parents for ‘equipment malfunctions,’ while also explaining away all the blunt-based injuries. It was so perfect that it almost reminded Idia of those cheesy fantasy novels where the hero sacrifices themselves to save the world.
It made Idia sick.
Idia wasn't some failed hero; he was the villain! He’d been the one to kill Azul. He’d been the one to attack while his back was turned, the least honorable move of all time. And Azul wasn’t some valiant self-sacrificing hero! Not to speak ill of the dead, but he’d always done the opposite, avoiding danger and retreating when he knew he’d lose. Not only that, but Azul and, by extension, Riddle, were stronger than that; they wouldn’t have lost to a titan. Basically, the whole thing was completely OOC!
There was something worse than the lies he'd have to face back at night, Raven College, though…
The worst part of going back would be that he wouldn't be able to stomach all the memories. The room where he had taught Azul how to set up an online chess account, the field where only Azul could match him in his hatred for PE, the board game club room where they would compete day after day, and the place where he last saw Azul. All of it, every single inch, would be too much for him.
So he’d just stay in his room. Forever. Softlocked by his own guilt.
His parents had checked on him a few times, bringing him food here and there and asking if he “wanted to talk about it,” but there wasn’t much they could do; after all, they were still busy trying to clean up the mess Idia made. There went his future with S.T.Y.X., he guessed. Ironic that once the shackles he had fought to get off were freed, he'd never felt more trapped.
He lifted his face out of his hands, the small light from his room cutting through his eyes and making him wince. He couldn't stay in his head for the whole day.
He turned and checked the time; it was only 6 in the morning, but he couldn’t go back to sleep, not after one of those dreams. Picking up the phone, he checked the date. The days had begun to blur together, and he couldn't even recall the month they were in, let alone the day.
April 1st.
The day of the fools. Lady Luck really had beef with him, didn't she?
Whatever. It's not like he’d missed much. Sure, he'd been crammed in his room for almost a month and a half, but really, it wasn't like anyone was waiting on him.
He read down further, a single notification lingering amongst the emptiness of his screen.
“Hey, Bro! Since it's the weekend, I'll stop by to visit! I have so much to tell you!!! ^.^’ -Ortho
Great. Just fantastic. He truly was the fool of the day.
It's not that he didn't want ortho to visit, it was just that his brother could be very…. Well, worried. Every visit so far, he'd always fussed over Idia’s lack of motivation and that he was eating enough, all the things a little brother shouldn't have to worry about for his older brother.
He lazily pulled the blanket up off himself, slowly dragging himself out of bed and towards his restroom. He guessed that if he was up early, he should try to get some personal hygiene done. He had been neglecting it for a while, not wanting to leave the safety of his bed. However, he knew if his brother caught him looking like this, he'd throw away the life he had formed just to be there for Idia. He couldn't do that to him.
Idia looked in the mirror. He knew he should’ve been surprised at the state of himself, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to do so. Hollow eyes stared back at him in the mirror, eye bags so bad that it looked as if he had slept with mascara on, layered beneath his eyes, and a pale complexion that really emphasized his lack of sunlight. Even his hair was a far dimmer flame than before, no doubt because of the lack of magic and subsequently the lack of blot he’d been producing.
Ugh, he had a lot of grinding to do if he wanted to level up his appearance to the ‘presentable’ level to not worry Ortho. Not to mention the bathroom itself was a total wreck as well.
He began to slowly pick up. It was a fairly inefficient process, and every movement felt more and more draining to Idia. Cleaning had always felt like a chore, but now it felt as if every move cost him valuable stamina points he didn't have.
After what felt like forever, he had barely even scraped the surface of the mess, but he felt like he had barely any energy left to keep standing, let alone finish cleaning.
He sighed, rubbing deep circles around his eyes as if to wipe away the weariness that seemed to stick to him. How was he supposed to carry on like this? It felt like he was AFK in his own body.
Azul was dead, and it was all his fault. There was no place for him back at Night Raven College, no place for him at S.T.Y.X.; he barely felt like there was a place for him in life. Maybe it’d be better…
A flicker of red and blue peeked out of the corner of Idia’s eyes, reflecting something from behind onto the mirror. Those same soulless eyes and blood-stained uniform appeared in the reflection, staring at his very soul.
Azul…? But it couldn’t-
His head whipped around faster than he could register himself, hoping to catch even a glimpse of him. However, by the time he had turned around, all that remained was his empty shower and the silence of the room.
He slowly turned back towards the mirror, finding nothing but his own pathetic self staring back at him. There was no blood-stained octo-mer staring back at him. Azul was dead; he couldn’t be there.
Idia covered his face in his hands, he… he needed to get some actual sleep.
He spared the bathroom one last glance, searching the garbage for any hint that what he saw was real. When nothing moved, he headed back towards bed. He'd clean up for Ortho later….
◈━◈━◈
The next two days before the weekend went by in a blur.
Nothing about his schedule had changed in the past few days, at least that's what he's likely to say.
After his first hallucination in the restroom, Idia couldn't seem to get away from visions of Azul. His voice seemed to echo everywhere, calling out to him in the dead of night, whispering things that Idia didn't understand.
The ghost-like voices he heard weren’t the worst part, though. No, the worst part was when his sleep-deprived brain would conjure up images of Azul. a flash of his bloody form appearing out of the corner of his eye for a moment, but being gone by the time he turned. It was like he was in some sort of bugged game.
The only thing that seemed to help was the short bursts of dreamless sleep where he wasn’t plagued by nightmares or the voices of the dead; unfortunately, it was like a rarity to get something like that.
He had just fallen asleep into one of those rare moments when a whisper cut through his dream, pulling him out of his one peaceful place.
“Idia….”
“Idia…. Wake up, you’re boring when you sleep”
“Idia!”
Idia shot awake, frantically searching for the light switch as he desperately scanned the room.
Azul!
Hope surged through his body. Was Azul here? Had this all been some sort of sick and twisted nightmare that was now over?
No. It wasn't. The room was empty, no octo-mer to mock him for his jumpiness, only the harshness of his own breathing as he faced the fact that Azul would never return.
His hands clenched into tight fists on his lap.
Why?
Why was his own mind tricking him like this, making him believe that maybe he could be happy? He didn't deserve it.
Everything around him was already a reminder: the games he'd never open again, his computer with almost every file gone, and all of his online friends parted with. He already knew he didn't deserve one bit of happiness, so why did his mind still try to trick him?
“What’s wrong..?” the voice whispered again, using his tone.
“Shut up!” he yelled, his head moving side to side in quick motions, hoping to catch a sign of somebody, anybody. But there was nobody there.
He clenched his fists harder, ignoring the pain blossoming as his nails only dug deeper into his palms. The emptiness of the room taunted him; his eyes scrambled for something that wasn't even there.
The air felt thicker, he couldn't breathe- he needed to get out- he needed to-
Knock knock
Ah.
The noise echoed through Idias' room, bouncing off the walls into the cage of his mind.
“Brother? I’m here to visit you! I brought you some sweets!” Ortho's sweet voice chased away the tension in the air.
Shit.
Was it the weekend already? He had forgotten to clean!
Nonononononono!!!! His room was a total dump. Ortho was never going to let him hear the end of it!
“Idia?”
“One sec, Ortho!” he called, stumbling out of bed as his legs got tangled up in his blankets. He quickly scooped up as much laundry as he could find into a basket, hitting the meta combo he’d unlocked by using his feet to shove trash underneath nooks and crannies while doing so.
“Did you forget to clean your room again, brother? I thought you said you'd work on it!”
“Whhaaatt? What makes you think that? Ofc I’ve cleaned, I’m just fixing the flukes so it’s top-tier for you!
After a few more moments of frantic cleaning, Idia decided he'd minimized the damage enough; if he kept Ortho waiting any longer, he might just break the door down. “You can come in now, Ortho,” he shouted, trying to put some energy into his tone.
The door clicked open, and Ortho's smile was the first thing that greeted him. He was carrying a bag filled to the brim with all of Idia's favorite sweets.
“Hi, big bro!” Ortho chirped, bouncing up to Idia to hug him. If he were anyone else, Idia would've pushed him away (physical touch was a DNI), but he could never decline a hug from his little brother.
“Hey Ortho,” Idia responded, patting Ortho's head. He knew Ortho couldn't really feel it as he was made of metal, but he seemed to appreciate the sentiment, bringing a genuine smile to Idia's face for the first time in weeks. “How has Night Raven College been so far? No sweats picking on you, right?”
“Hehehe! Nope!” Ortho laughed, “And even if they tried, I’d be able to beat them using these cool new upgrades you gave me!”
Idia remembered the extra tools he had added to Orth. If he wasn't there, his little brother needed to protect himself. “Only the highest level gear for my little bro, you don’t need any maintenance, do you?”
“Nope, I've gotten pretty good at running them myself; the other freshmen at Inghyde have been helping me as well!”
“Look at my lil bro, all independent, you're running raids all by yourself now!” He responded, cringing as he layered on his usual way of speech extra hard. He hoped ortho couldn’t tell he was faking a majority of his enthusiasm. He was truly happy for Ortho, but with how bad he had been feeling lately, getting those emotions to be more than a dull noise in the background had been proving to be very difficult.
“Thank you!!” Ortho said, taking the compliment with joy, “I have so much to tell you!”
The two of them moved to sit down on Idias' bed as he began to quiz Ortho on all sorts of questions. Has he made a lot of friends? Were the classes good? Had he thought of joining a club? Was everyone nice to him?
Ortho told him all sorts of stories in response, how he had become closer with many freshmen even across other dorms, such as Ace Trappola, Duece Spade, Epel Feimer, and even Sebek zigvolt. And how they had done all sorts of fun things together. Idia couldn’t help but smile. Ortho was really taking life by the reins.
“But,” he said after finishing another story, “enough about me, how are you feeling, Idia? Based on my analysis of the data from the last time you’ve lost weight, and you’re barely getting enough calories to manage the curse. Are you sure you’ve been taking care of yourself?”
Ah, there it was. Idia knew he couldn’t fool ortho for long, but this was a quick observation, even for him. Did he really look that bad?
“Ehehe…” Idia chuckled awkwardly, “I try my best, but I guess sometimes it just slips my mind. It’s not that big of a deal, I feel fine.” Idia replied, technically, he was only half lying; it really did slip his mind sometimes!
“Big brother” Ortho held his hands, "I'm here for you. It's like I said, I want to be your little brother with the soul I have. That means I want to help you. If you need me to, I can leave Night Raven College-“
“No!” Idia blurted out, harsher than he had meant to, and a look of surprise crossed Ortho's face. “Sorry- I mean, no, you don’t have to do that for me, I’m fine, really.” He couldn't let Ortho sacrifice everything for him; his brother deserved better than that.
“Oh my….” Just when he was already overwhelmed, his voice came crawling back. It took everything in his power not to flinch at it so as not to worry Ortho.
“I understand… I just don’t want you to have to suffer alone. I care about you.” Ortho said. The way his voice wavered carried more life in it than Idia had left.
“I appreciate the concern, Ortho, I really do, but you're your own person now. Not some NPC robot anymore that needs to tend to my every need, you deserve to live your own life, not dragged down by-”
“Don’t-“ Ortho cut in “don’t say that! You could never drag me down, brother. We're a team, remember, we will-“
…..
….
“-Shoot through glory among the stars and soar like a comet…!” Ortho finished, his voice trailing off at the end once he realized Idia hadn't joined in.
“I'm sorry,” was the only response he could muster up, “but it's the truth, even now you came all the way here to visit me instead of going shopping or playing with your friends.” Idia didn't have the energy anymore to lie to Ortho, so all that was left was the truth.
A small frown appeared on Ortho's face. He knew his little brother wanted to insist he wasn't a burden, but he couldn't disprove the truth. They sat in silence for a moment longer before a sinister smile began to appear on Ortho's face. Idia had a sinking idea that he knew where it was going. They’d had this conversation many times over after all.
“Well… if you came back to Night Raven College, then I could come visit you whenever and wouldn't have to travel… although I don't think flying all the way here is a burden, but maybe it’ll help you to stop feeling like that.” Ortho smiled at him; he always knew what to say.
“And,” he added, “people at night at Raven College won’t be as mean as you think. A lot of Ingyhyde students really miss you, it’s not the same without their SSR+ level housewarden”
“Ortho- they don’t know the truth, though. Do you really think they’d feel the same if they knew?” He said dryly, not attempting to put any effort in, he needed to get this across to Ortho, plain and simple.
“You won’t know until you try.” Ortho protested.
Idia began to open his mouth, prepared to shut down this idea like he had countless other times. He couldn’t go back to Night Raven College, no matter how badly Ortho wanted him to. Not only would he not be able to handle the stares and gossip echoing throughout the halls about him, but he just knew the guilt would only get worse when he had to lie to everyone all over again.
However, any words of protest vanished from his lips when his eyes caught a figure behind Ortho.
It was Azul. Or at least something that looked like him. Unlike with the glances out of the corner of his eye like before, however, this hallucination seemed more stable, more real.
He was staring at him with the same vacant look Idia saw in his nightmares, his blood-coated mouth quirked up in a sort of bored expression. He could’ve sworn he saw his eyes move to look at him, but he knew it was just another one of his brain's tricks.
Idia's stomach began to churn. The voices had been bad enough, and the glimpses had been even worse, but this was a whole other realm of horrible. Seeing Azul again, even though it really wasn’t him, resurfaced all of the memories he fought tooth and nail every day to escape from. His room had become a negative feedback loop, stopping him from feeling truly sane. But where else could he go…?
He realized in a split second that the answer was laid out in front of him in Orthos' silver palm. It might not be perfect, but if he just stayed in his dorm…
“Fine, I’ll go”
“Come on, brother, you should-“ Ortho began to insist before his sorrowful expression twisted into one of shock, “Huh?!? Did you just say you’d come back?” Ortho observed him like he was some sort of legendary pull. His AI analysis had probably labeled this outcome as a less than 1% probability.
“Yes, I will,“ He said, ignoring the panic that had begun to rise inside of him, “I’ve thought it over and… you’re right… I think getting out of this island would help me a bit, and I wouldn’t mind being closer to my little brother.”
“Really?!” Ortho was ecstatic, it was almost like he was a little kid again, finally beating the last level of the cosmic frontier, “That's amazing, India!! Don't worry, I’ll make sure everything is perfect for when you get back! I’ve already been planning how to better optimize your housewarden duties-”
“Whoa! Wait, wait, wait, let’s not skip TOO far ahead…” he put his hands up, “I said I’d come back, but I’m not quite sure if I’m ready to be put back in the big boss position.” Idia quickly cut the idea off. Previously, he had only taken it because he didn’t want to be bossed around by someone better than him. But now the thought of all the duties that came with it seemed too daunting, even when faced with the pros of not having to deal with any NPCs.
“Fine… I guess you're right,” Ortho replied, dropping his head for a moment before picking it right back up, “you can always ease back into it later, I’ll be there to help you!”
“Thanks, Ortho...” He paused, “Could you tell Mom and Dad the news? I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear.”
Ortho perked up immediately, “No problem! I’ll be back as fast as possible to help you pack. Maybe we can play a game or two while we do it!” True to his word, Ortho shot up, quickly exiting the room with an excited bounce in his movements, putting his joy on clear display.
Idia, on the other hand, felt the opposite.
The second the door closed, he felt his mood plummet. What had he been thinking? Going back there, to Night Raven College? Going back meant being around other students, around the other housewardens, around Azul's friends! Just the thought of it all made a chill go down his spine.
Maybe he should just tell Othro he changed his mind?
No.
The image of Ortho's hopeful smile crossed his mind; he had already caused him so much trouble by being such a burden. To change his mind now would be cruel to him; he couldn’t do that to his little brother.
Fine, it was settled then, he’d try his best to go back to NRC.
But if he was going to make it through the insane difficulty spike that school brought, he’d need a game plan, no more button mashing and hoping for the best as he had been for the past few weeks!
Knowing Crowelly, he’d still probably let him use his tablet, so he’d just attend class from the comfort of his own dorm. He could push through for a few weeks by cooping up in his dorm, then make up something to Ortho about it “not the right fit anymore GG” and return to his solitude with no more hallucinations and no more worried Ortho.
It wasn't a perfect plan, but it’d have to do for now, and for what he’d do once he escaped from NRC…
That was a problem for another time.
“Idia!” He heard his mom shout his name from down the hall. Ortho really sped that mission, it seemed.
“Idy, Ortho just told me, is it true you want to go back to school?” His mom’s face appeared in his doorway, and an excited smile was painted on her tired face. The excitement in her eyes reminded him so much of Orthos. His brother had always been more similar in looks to their mom.
Unfortunately for him, his luck with genes was far more unfortunate, and the tips of his hair began to turn a soft pink, displaying his embarrassment for the whole world to see.
“Aw, Idy, don’t get flustered, I’m happy you’re feeling well enough to try and go back to school.” His mother sat beside him, using a hand to ruffle his hair. It was an action that he’d usually shy away from, but her touch still made him feel comforted even though he wasn’t a child anymore.
After a moment, he’d pushed her hand away, “H-hey, I made no promises that I’ll stay there permanently, I’m going to do a test run for Ortho, and that’s it. If it goes good, I’ll get the DLC,” He said, neglecting to mention the hallucinations he’d been haunted by. He didn't want to make his parents worry any more than they already had been.
His mother didn’t seem to be deterred by his uncommitted response; instead, she gave him a soft smile, “That’s fine, Idy, I’m happy you're trying…” She paused like she was trying to find the right words to say next.
“I’ve… no, not just me, but your father and brother aswell, we’ve all been worried about you..” She stared at her hands, avoiding eye contact with Idia. From this angle, the age stood out on her features, and wrinkles told the story of a life filled with grief that no mother wanted to experience. “I wish we could be there for you more, it’s just…. With all that’s happened, we’ve been in hot water with many people. Not a day has passed since I’ve been able to avoid getting at least a dozen emails and phone calls from all sorts of representatives. S.T.Y.X. isn’t exactly used to having to do legal proceedings.”
She paused again, hesitating on her words. It frightened Idia to see his usually bubbly mother so… solemn, it reminded him of when Ortho…
No, he wouldn’t think about that right now; he needed to focus on his mother.
“Mom, I’m-“ he began, letting the words tumble out of his mouth with no clear line of reasoning. Or at least that was his plan.
“Don’t try to apologize, this was our fault more than it was yours.” Her eyes reflected softly in the light, the guilt evident in them. “We should’ve waited to run those tests. Instead, now all this burden has to be placed on you.”
“It’s just like….” Tears welled in her eyes. “Like with Ortho all over again. I’m sorry we’ve failed to protect you. I should’ve realized you felt that way, trapped enough to overblot.
He didn’t know what to say.
How to convince his mother that she didn’t fail him.
How she didn’t fail Ortho.
However, she didn’t wait for a response.
A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she ran her hands through her hair. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t see your mother in a mess like this. I came to check on you, not the other way around…”
“It’s fine, Mom.” He responded, “I’m fine. I also just want things to go back to normal.” It was an obvious lie. How could anything ever go back to normal?
His mother must have noticed this as well, as the crease between her brows only deepened further.
“Listen,” she paused, checking that he was still listening, “how about once you get back and all settled into school, we can go on a family outing, just us four, no work, nothing but some family time.”
A family… outing…?
It wasn’t that Idia hated the idea, but it felt very out of nowhere; his mother probably realized that he wasn’t going to budge on any other topics.
“Now don’t worry, we wouldn’t go anywhere super crowded, just to a movie or maybe a convention if we can find tickets,” she clarified, the previous sorrow seeming to melt away from her voice. “I remember you and Ortho loving it last time!” She added on excitedly.
“Yeah… that sounds fun.” Was all he could muster out. Would he even be around?
His mother's smile dropped slightly, her sharp eyes were for more than machines, and she’d clearly picked up on his less-than-excited tone. Another social skill check failed.
“Idia, you’d never-“
Ring… ring….
“-Hang on, sorry sweetie,” she cut herself off, quickly picking up the phone.
“Hello? Yes, it is…. Really? That’s great news, let me contact- no, it’s alright, I’ll call you back later!” She finished up the phone call in a quick moment, her mood doing a quick 180 as she shot up off the bed, “I’m really sorry, Idy, I just got an extremely urgent call, I need to handle it right now.”
“Nah, it’s alright…” his mind wandered, what was she about to say?
She smiled at him, “We’ll finish talking later. You start packing, and I’ll contact Headmage Crowley when I’m done with work so we can get this show on the road!” With her final comment, his mom left his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
Idia stared at the wall, maybe just maybe, even though he’d already given up on the ability to hope, going back wouldn't be as bad as he had expected. He just wished that at least it’d free him from those hallucinations.
He couldn’t take much more.
◈━◈━◈
So far, his days at NRC had been lowkey EZ. Sure, getting settled into his dorm had been an anxious nightmare, but once he did, he fell into a routine very easily.
He’d follow the same schedule of getting up, sending his tablet to whatever class there was, barely doing whatever work he got assigned before leaving quickly, not even giving anyone a chance to talk to him. Ortho would bring him food and tell him updates on who wanted to talk with him or any interesting gossip. It was basically the same schedule he had back at his house, only with a bit of variety.
One small success he had managed was that he’d avoided talking to anyone so far! Besides the occasional email with one of his professors, he’d had 0 contact outside of Ortho. It sounded a bit sad now that he thought about it, but a win is a win for him.
But then of course, fate had never been that kind to him.
It had been another simple day, but as night came, he realized he'd forgotten to eat throughout the day and was too hungry to sleep it off till morning. That, in and of itself, would have been fine, but of course, he’d run through all the snacks Ortho had gotten him already, leaving him foodless.
Sure, Sam’s shop was open, but could he really do it? Run the risk of running into a hostile NPC (AKA anyone)?
His stomach growled, signifying to him that waiting was not an option; he was practically on one bar of hunger! However, he’d have to go all alone! He’d avoided leaving his dorm this entire time, only to be thwarted by some silly hunger?
But he had no choice, Ortho was out with some other first years, enjoying his newfound life, and Idia couldn’t ruin that for him. It looks like he’d have to run this mission solo.
He put up his hood and tightened the strings as he exited the dorm portal. This was going to be an intense stealth mission, especially considering that Sam’s shop was all the way on the other side of campus. He cursed whoever designed the damn school!
After a walk that felt like a million years (but was actually only a few minutes), he arrived at Sam’s with zero NPC encounters, although there were a few close calls of voices wandering the halls.
He held his breath as he began to open the shop's door. Hopefully, he’d get lucky with this gacha pull, and there’d be nobody in there, and he could just grab his stuff and go!
Unfortunately, however, luck didn’t seem to be on his side yet again, as the second he opened the door, he was greeted with the sight of Jamil picking between two different brands of tea. No SSR ten pull for him today, it seemed. It wasn’t like Jamil was the worst person to run into (he was like a B-tier on the list of people to avoid), but seeing as he was there for the whole… incident, it made him far higher on his tier list than other people.
Jamil didn’t seem to notice him right away; however, in fact, he didn’t seem to be noticing much at all. While at first glance it seemed like he was carefully weighing his options over the two brands,s upon closer inspection, Idia realized he was staring deep into space as if he was lost in his mind.
Idia was also shocked to find how much Jamil had changed over the last few weeks. Maybe it was just the fact that it was almost nighttime, but he looked far less well-kept than what Idia was used to. His clothes were slightly wrinkled, and his makeup seemed hastily done or completely gone by the way Idia could see his eye bags from a few feet away.
That moment of careful observation was over in a second, however, as the soft click of the door behind Idia alerted Sam of his presence.
“Ah, little Imp!” Sam called out to Idia from behind the counter (Idia had to suppress a flinch when Jamil broke out of his stupor to look at him as well), “I haven’t seen my favorite late-night buyer in weeks!”
“Uh, hey… yeah, sorry about that…” he mumbled out while sliding over to the part of the store where his usual snacks were. He swore he could feel Jamil’s eyes staring a hole into his very soul. He just prayed Jamil wouldn’t say anything to him; he’d ask too many questions that Idia couldn’t answer.
Fortunately, Jamil seemed just as wary as Idia was as he quickly tossed one of the teas to the side, clearly neglecting whatever internal debate he had previously had in favor of fleeing from the scene.
“I’ll just be buying this for now,” He said, reaching into his wallet and placing 5 thaunmarks onto the table, “keep the change.” Jamil quickly left the store like his life was on the line, speed running the customer interaction completely. Idia knew he wasn’t the MOST likable, but Jamil had barely even spared him a glance; he really took his avoidance to the next level.
He knew he should feel more hurt at this blatant dislike, but instead, he felt his shoulders sag in relief. That was far too close to an NPC interaction than he would’ve liked.
He was now free- (he could feel Sam looking at him out of the corner of his eye)- or at least kind of free, to do all of his shopping without feeling like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He reached for his usual brand of chips, grabbing a few packs before reaching for some chocolate bars. After he was done grabbing his routine set of snacks, he headed towards the counter to check out. His nerves were still on edge, and he wanted to get back to his dorm ASAP.
He fumbled with his wallet for a moment before pulling out 30 thaunmarks and placing them on the table. “… uh here…” he mumbled again, mentally scolding himself for his terrible attempts at communication, seeing Jamil had really fried his circuits.
“Thanks, little imp!” Sam said enthusiastically as he began to count Idias' change.
“Here’s one little piece of advice, on the house, since you're such a star customer,” he said, leaning closer to Idia, “if you’re ever visited by your own friends on the other side, don’t be shy and lend them an ear, they might tell you something quite interesting!”
“Uh, thank you… I guess?” Sam had always been a mysterious guy. He'd always thought his 'friends from the other side’ were just some quirk of his, but now he was saying Idia had ‘friends on the other side’!? He watched anxiously as Sam counted his change. He wanted to go back to his room even more now!
“Your change, little imp,” Sam said, handing Idia a few thaunmarks back.
With that uh.. interesting interaction over, Idia turned to leave, determined to go home and eat to his heart's content before recharging his stamina. However, before he could reach the door, a voice called out to him.
“One more thing, little imp!” Sam shouted, “The mystery shop has more than just items to purchase; my friends from the other side can tell me all sorts of things you might want to know!”
He only nodded in response before quickly shutting the door and hurrying down the path from the shop. It’s not like he hated Sam, but he was offering too much weird advice, and Idia could feel his own mission timer counting down.
He continued down the path, back through the school and its winding halls. He had just made his way into one of the many courtyard walkways when he paused for a moment, his eyes catching on the stars that shone through the courtyard. It really was a beautiful night; the only thing that would’ve pushed it up to S tier would be if it were a full moon.
Azul had always loved full moons.
He’d never see one again…
He wrapped his arms around himself. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. He still had a bit of a walk till he made it back to the mirror chamber. He needed to keep his head down and lock in; if he started fumbling here, it’d be game over for sure!
He clutched the plastic bag holding all of his snacks a little harder. Just a little farther, then he’d be home free-!
“Tsk- is that who I think it is?” A voice echoed from down the hall, freezing idia in his tracks. Alarms began to ring off in his head. He didn’t recognize that voice, but they surely recognized him.
Idia slowly turned around, he could feel his hands shaking. When he finally gained the courage to look up from the ground he was met with the faces of three Octavinelle boys that he couldn’t quite place.
“Well well, it seems the failure decided to crawl back? Did your parents go bankrupt so they had to send you back?” The boy with brown hair in the middle jeered.
“What's wrong, cat got your tongue?” The taller boy with purple hair mocked. Idia swore he recognized him, maybe he was in one of his classes? “All the big shots might be focusing on your little company but we know who’s really at fault.”
Idia opened his mouth but no words came out. Previously, Idia would’ve blown these low level bully NPCs off, as they weren’t worth his time, but now it felt as if everything they were saying was personally stabbing him in the heart, paralyzing him with so much fear that he couldn’t move.
Did they know?
No, no no no! That couldn’t of been possible, the only ones who knew the truth were the other students at S.T.Y.X. during the incident! While he wasn’t completely sure that they hadn’t told anyone before the cover story was finalized, surely he’d know if it’d been spread around, right??
“Yeah!” the other, shorter, boy spoke up, “All that magic and for what? Our housewarden had to get killed cause you couldn’t do your damn job!” He inched progressively closer to Idia.
Idia took a few shaky steps back, feeling the bag slip from his hands and hit the ground, sending his chip bags tumbling across the floor. Whatever he’d pick them up later-
Wait, doing his job? All that magic?
These boys didn’t know the truth, only the twisted story.
However instead of relief Idia only felt a dark feeling of dread. If they knew what really happened they’d want him dead for sure.
“Yeah! Azul might’ve been shady before but the guy was really trying to change after his overblot! He helped me get an A!”, the brown haired boy spoke again. It seemed they all had their gripes with Idia, none of them that he could defend himself against.
It was fine. It was what he deserved after all. They vent their anger out on him for a few minutes and then he’d be free to go. He could handle this-
“Ah that’s where you three wandered off to, I suppose it can’t be helped, I felt the change in the air as well after all.” A smooth calming voice spoke. Much to Idias horror however, the person who emerged from the shadows was far from a comforting presence.
There, an imposing figure over the Octavinelle boys, stood Jade leech. One of Azul's childhood friends. somebody who, no doubt, was torn apart by the loss of Azul.
And was now standing in front of him.
The person who was to blame.
He swallowed the lump that had begun to form in his throat. The difficulty had just spiked from C tier to S tier real fast.
This was probably the worst outcome that could’ve happened to Idia. He was barely managing the tutorial level and had basically just run into the final boss of people he desperately needed to avoid, with lvl one gear!
His eyes wandered, observing Jade further to distract himself from the pressing sense of doom that consumed him.
He looked much different from the way Idia remembered him, the mischievous glint was still there in his eyes but it had faded significantly, like it was replaced with something Idia couldn’t quite name. He wore the traditional Octanville uniform, but some stark differences immediately caught Idia’s eye. Namely the once light purple scarf as well as the hat band being changed to a dull white color that similarly matched the white makeup he was wearing. Furthermore his earrings had also been swapped to an almost bone white. Combined with his pale complexion it made the eel resemble some sort of ghost.
Idia felt a shiver go down his spine, Jade had always been intimidating before but now it felt as if he’d leveled up his aura hundreds of levels.
All three of the boys jumped, before quickly turning around to greet Jade.
“Vice- I mean- housewarden sir!” The three students stuttered in almost complete unison, clearly still not used to the change in leadership.
“Look at who came back!” The brown-haired boy said, being the first to recover from the shock, “he thinks he can just waltz in here after what he’s done!”
“Yeah!” The shorter one chimed in, “Are you not going to let him just do this right? Not after what he did to Azul!”
The three boys looked up at Jade like begging animals, wanting Jade to step in and do what they wouldn’t.
Jade, however, didn’t respond, his eyes concealing an ocean of all sorts of emotions.
Idia felt his heart beat faster and faster, he felt as if he was drowning trying to decipher just exactly what the eel was feeling. He'd always thought of Floyd as the manic unpredictable one and Jade as the calm one but it was clear now that that was just his own terrible fannon version of them!
“Hmm, so it seems..” Jade raised a hand to his chin, appearing deeper in thought than before. Was this how it felt to be in one of those killing games? Waiting for your method of death to be revealed?
As Idias heart rate climbed and climbed as Jade came to his decision, an eerie calm smile creeping onto his face as he spoke.
“Well it’s no matter, what is done is done after all. I can’t exactly blame Idia…” He placed his hands on the shoulders of two of the boys, “Let’s get back to Octanville shall we? The Monstro Lounge won’t run itself, after all”
The three boys looked at each other, confusion evident on all their faces. If Idia could seem himself in 3rd person he’d sure he’d look the same.
“Huh?! You're just going to let him leave!?“ The boys shouted in shock.
Jade laughed softly in response. “Now now, we shouldn’t bother Idia when he just returned from an extended break; he’s been through a lot as well, remember?" He took his hands off the group, folding them behind his back.
Idia was lost, Jade… wasn’t mad? Even the fake story still put him at least a bit responsible! He had every right to be mad!
The boy with purple hair began to protest, “but- but if it weren’t for him maybe Azul would still be here! Doesn’t that make you mad!”
Jade put on a soft smile, “I can’t exactly be too upset at Idia, he tried his best at the situation at hand. After all…” Jade looked away from the trio for a moment, seemingly focusing on Idia. His golden eye caught the light perfectly and his smile dropped, for a moment Idia swore he felt his very soul tremble.
“Idia here would never want to harm Azul, they’re friends after all. Rest assured if Idia here really was at fault it’d be a much different story.”
What.
Idias whole body froze, did Jade-
Jade's leisurely smile returned as if he hadn’t just shaken Idias whole world. “Now that you’ve gotten your explanation let’s head back. Floyd won’t want to do all the cleaning alone.”
Jade began to guide the trio past Idia towards the mirror chamber. “Farwell for now Idia. I’m sure we’ll cross paths again.” He whispered.
Idia recognized the tone hidden beneath his words now and swirling in his eyes. Rage. Jade knew, he was sure of it.
He quickly put a hand over his mouth, he was going to be sick. He knew. He knew. He knew. He knew. He didn’t know how but Jade knew. There was no other explanation.
His wording was too specific, too laser focused to be anything but a targeted attack. In hindsight, it made perfect sense. Of course, one of Azul's best friends wouldn’t believe the bullshit story they made up, it was only natural to connect the dots from there.
He began to stumble forward, having to catch himself on the wall for a moment. He was too exposed, too vulnerable, he needed to get back to his dorm now.
He pushed himself off the wall wavering slightly, his footing felt unsteady and his limbs heavy. If he had any energy left in him he might’ve started to cry. But even that was pointless.
He slowly began to gather the chips he had dropped, the menial task gave him something to do with his hands but helped little with the building dread inside of him. He’d just have to ignore it, bottle up those feelings. It was a good thing Jade knew anyways, maybe he’d tell everyone and then Idia would be free at least from part of his guilt.
His own heavy breathing barely helped him get in any air, it felt as if the whole world was closing in around him. Pausing for a moment, he steadied himself on the floor, taking a deep breath to try and somehow calm himself, if Ortho found him like this he’d never leave his side again.
In. Out. In. Out. In-
He was just taking another deep breath when he noticed the breathing continued, accompanied by what sounded like sniffling and light sobs. He was just alone a moment ago, had an upset student wandered out into the outdoor walkway searching for relief?
Seemingly Translucent shoes appeared in the top of his vision as he looked up from the chip bag he had been reaching for. As his eyes slowly trailed upwards all the horrifying details began to click into place again. The translucent skin, the dimmed colors, that outfit, the blood, all over and over again playing in his mind like some broken record.
It was Azul again. Of course it was.
He felt his heart skip a beat. He had been foolish. Far too naive again, to think that maybe by changing his scenery his broken mind would mend enough to stop tormenting him like this.
What made it worse was the fact that his own brain must’ve hated him as it decided to whip up a hallucination of Azul crying. The heavy breathing before had been all in his head and was now accompanied by light-sounding sobs. His head was buried into his knees as he wrapped his arms around them, his back was against the wall as he almost curled himself into a ball.
It was such a wrong sight, but Idia couldn’t look away. In all two years of knowing him, Azul had never broken down like this before. Sure he’d gotten a bit upset when their board game meetings got too heated, and Idia swore he saw him tear up a bit when he told Idia a small fraction of what his childhood was like but he’d never seen him really collapse. He knew Azul wasn’t a cold hearted no emotions evil villain, of course (Idia heard enough rumors of Azul's pre-overblot crashout to confirm that) but to see it for himself? It was a whole other experience.
Everything about it was so realistic, from the light shaking and hiccupped gasps, if Idia had known any better he’d think this was real. In fact, if his own mind was a video game he would’ve given it 5 stars for realism.
Unfortunately for him, however, his life wasn’t just some game he could detach himself from, and what he was seeing in front of him was real consequences. This hallucination was created by his own guilt of course, reminding Idia what he had done. Was this a representation of what Azul had felt in his last moments? Afraid and breaking down, unable to do anything?
“This really isn’t fair, why did it have to be like this?” The hallucination spoke, clearer than it had before.
Just what was happening…
“Of course,” Azul lifted up his head, meeting Idias eyes, “You don’t really understand that do you?”
He didn’t understand it…?
Idia quickly averted his eyes, he couldn’t stand his stare. His heart quickly beat in his chest, his mind putting the puzzle pieces together quickly.
The thing Idia couldn’t understand was the consequences. He’d been living his life, getting off Scott free, after he had ruined Azul. It wasn’t fair, his brain knew that much from the way it had sent Azul to force him to realize that. He hadn’t seen it before but he realized it now.
He put a hand to his mouth. He really was horrible. Why did he still breathe when Azul couldn’t do the same?
He shot up off the ground, he’d been going about it wrong this whole time. He began to break into a desperate sprint, leaving the chips behind. It felt as if any moment he’d trip over his own legs and fall crashing to the ground, even his eyes felt uncoordinated, his vision blurring as he ran away.
He shouldn’t have come here.
Think. Think. Think.
Where could Ortho be? His younger brother would know what to do, he always did.
He froze in his tracks quickly though, a thought hitting his mind.
Ortho was truly happy with his friends, he just couldn’t walk up to him and burden him again. He’d already ruined Azul’s life, why did he deserve to do the same to Ortho?
He continued to run, a million thoughts inside his head that he couldn’t seem to silence. The dragging of his feet against the cold floor was only stopped when he ran straight into somebody, falling to the ground and taking the other person with him. The cold floor felt like nothing against the racing panic in his body.
He went to issue a quick apology before making a break for it before he felt his body freeze.
It was the teen he had dreaded to see the most, the one who haunted his nightmares with his cries alongside Azul. Riddle Rosehearts.
He expected a berating comment to come out of Riddle about not running in the halls or snide remark about him coming back or even cussing him out for daring to show his face. However Riddle didn’t seem to notice him at all.
He had this panicked look in his eyes that Idia was sure mirrored his own, his makeup was smeared, his hair still painted white at the tips and a fresh cut on his hand dripped blood onto the pristine stone floors.
They met eyes for only a second, a look of shared desperation on both of their faces. However, Riddle was the first to break the connection, quickly pulling himself off the floor and frantically dashing off with no words of apology.
It was understandable. Riddle probably hated him the most out of everyone besides the twins, he had left him drained of magic helpless to do anything but watch Azul die in his arms. He could still hear the sobs that broke through the silence of Tartarus at S.T.Y.X.
It was all just another example of how terrible he was. He needed to get back to the dorms and quickly before his feelings erupted into something he couldn’t control.
He fled through the twisting corridors, past the shadows that seemed to whisper his name, through the mirror to the dorm, and finally behind a slammed door of his room.
It was only then that he truly broke down.
His gaze dashed across the room, frantic like a crazed animal searching for an escape.
All of it, everything he owned, he couldn’t say he even deserved it anymore. What had he truly done in life besides harm others?
He frantically tore things off the wall, tossing things off his desk like a madman. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t repay the debt he owed to the world for existing- nothing he could ever do would be good enough-
He could throw it all away and he wouldn’t even be close to making up for all that’d he’d done.
he couldn’t-
There- There was no way to fix this
He- he would only continue to be a burden and bring harm-
Ortho and everyone else would be better off without him-
What should he do to stop this agonizing feeling, this guilt that he could never get rid of-
It was all too much to handle-
He should-
His desperate and crazed eyes caught the glint of a knife.
◈━◈━◈