Chapter Text
Peridot was so excited she and Lapis had just gotten a new apartment in Little Homeworld.
“I'm excited to move but I am going to miss the countryside.” Peridot told lapis as they were packing their things out of the new-ish barn they were living in. “I'm going to miss it too, but I can't wait.” Lapis wasn't too keen on change, but she knows that she needs it every now and then. “Finaly we're done packing.” “wh-what.” peridot zoned out. “We're done packing.” Peridot looked around. "Oh nice.”
Lapis looked at Peridot concerningly “Hey are you ok Peri” Peridot looked up. "Yea I'm doing great” ‘No I'm not’. She said it with a slightly shaky voice, but Lapis didn't press. She knew how much it sucked to say stuff you didn't want to.” Ok well let me know if you need anything”
“I will” Peridot said dryly
She knew she wasn’t gonna go to Lapis, but it was nice to know she cared about her. Peridot followed Lapis to the warp pad that had gotten installed near the barn and warped to Little Homeworld. They walked to their apartment at the edge of Little Homeworld. They walk inside and unpack all their stuff. “Oh my gosh!” Peridot pulled her alien plush that she won from Fun Land out of the box.
“Nice i forgot that that was one of the first things we packed”. "I'm just glad I have it back now.” Peridot said as she put it on her and Lapis’s shared bed. “I'm gonna go see Steven,” Lapis asked, hoping Peridot would say yes. “Uh, I'm not in the mood to go see the rest of the crystal clods, sorry Lazuli.” Peridot was hoping her tone was convincing enough. Lapis laughs at the crystal clods comment. “Ok well if you want to join us later let me know.” “Ok I will”
Peridot waited for Lapis to leave before relaxing on the couch. She pulled up one side of her alien shorts to reveal various cuts and scars on her upper thigh. Peridot was ashamed of them to say the least, she loved Lapis and she knew that it would break her if she found out. So she kept it a secret from her. Yea she felt bad but she would feel worse if she made Lapis worry about her.
Peridot looked towards the kitchen. She knew there were knives over there but she wasn't sure if she should use one. If lapis found out things would go terrible so she decided to go meet up with her, Steven, and the rest of the crystal clods. But before she left she grabbed a knife..just in case. Peridot warped to the temple and hoped lapis would be there.
Peridot warped there and saw everyone in the living room hanging out on and around the couch. “Hey guys” peridot said kinda nervous, feeling the cold metal of the knife against her thigh. “Hey Peri.” lapis says excitingly. The rest of the people there said hi. Peridot noticed that all of the crystal gems were there except Bismuth and Connie. She also noticed that White diamond’s pearl was there. What did they call her…Volleyball.
Peridot walked over to the couch where lapis was sitting. “Hey Lazuli, did ya miss me?” She said with as much confidence as she could. “Maybe a little.” Lapis says as she smirks at peridot. Peridot’s face turns a darker shade of green as she goes and lays down next to lapis. When Peridot lays down she puts her head in lapis’s lap and lapis moves closer to her. Amethyst looks over at them and whispers to Garnet. “I swear to god they have a thing for eachother.” Garnet laughs slightly at the comment. Lapis glares at them as a joke and Peridot can't bother to care. Lapis looks down at Peridot worryingly as she strokes her hair.
“Heh yea what about you?” Amethyst asked Peridot. Peridot looked up, fuck she zoned out “uh yea” she answered hoping it would be enough. “I asked what do you think of crying breakfast friends.” “oh uh it's pointless there's no actual plot” peridot said with a factual tone.”true” amethyst responded with. Peridot was already so tired of all the people over here. There were so many people all talking over each other and god they were all so close to each other and…”Peri are you ok. Lapis said with a concerned voice.”i uh yea…im gonna go to the bathroom” peridot said, her voice sounding rushed. “I uh ok” lapis said
Peridot rushed to the bathroom. She was so overwhelmed and tired and she just didn't even know anymore. She grabbed the knife from the waistband of her shorts and pulled her shorts down as she sits down on the floor with her back to the door. Peridot held the knife to her thigh. She pressed the knife down and slid it across her thigh quickly. She watched the cut go white before blood slowly started to drip out of the cut. The blood slowly went from dripping to pouring and Peridot started to freak out when the blood didn't stop. “Fuck fuck fuck” peridot scurried over to the mirror and opened the cabinet and grabbed bandages and a towel. She got the towel wet and cleaned the blood off of her leg and quickly wrapped her thigh. Peridot threw the towel in the corner of the room and left the bathroom.”Peridot are you ok.” Lapis hardly called peridot anything other than peri so she could tell she was very worried. “Yea i..im fine im gonna go back to the apartment.” Peridot said not even trying to sound reassuring. “Ok well im gonna head with you bye guys.” Everyone said goodbye to lapis and peridot as they warped away. As they were walking from the warp pad to the apartment lapis asked peridot what happened in the bathroom and she didn't really have a good response. “I just got overwhelmed and had to step away.” That wasn’t it but it was enough for Lapis to not question it anymore
As soon as they get back to the apartment Peridot lays down in bed. Usually she doesn't sleep but she needed to just be able to relax for a little bit. “Hey Lapis, wanna sleep with me.” Since Peridot always stayed up late watching cph and lapis slept in a hammock they didn’t really sleep together that often.”oh yea sure” lapis said as she headed over to lay down next to peridot. Lapis laid down behind her and put her arm over Peridot’s waist. Peridot relaxed into Lapis’s touch and she realized she never put the knife back. But then quickly realizes that she doesn't have it. What..’oh my stars it's in stevens bathroom’.
In an attempt to not worry Lapis, Peridot tries to relax herself. Lapis can feel her tense up and start shaking but before she can say anything she feels her slowly stop shaking and relax. Lapis wanted to ask if she was ok but was too tired to really care. As Peridot relaxes she moves back and presses her body against lapis’s and falls asleep.
Back at the temple Amethyst and Garnet are hanging out in the kitchen. “Ay garnet you want some macaroni cheese” Amethyst offers to garnet “Nah im good.” “heh your loss.” Amethyst says as she pours the cheese powder in her mouth. She gets cheese powder on the counter and floor so she walks into the bathroom to get a towel and sees a knife on the floor. “Hey, is this knife like yours or Stevens'?” “no” Garnet said, sounding slightly confused. “Ok what ever” Amethyst grabs a towel and sees the bloody one. She looks at it confused but doesn't question it. “Hey Amethyst, I think it was Peridots.” “Cool, I’ll ask her about it tomorrow.” Amethyst is kinda nervous for Peridot, kinda putting the pieces together but not wanting to believe it.
Back at Peridot and Lapis’s apartment Lapis falls asleep whilst Peridot stays up a little later thinking about what happened that day she was so embarrassed. She was supposed to be the nerdy energetic one and she totally ruined any chance at seeming ok to other people but eventually she slowly falls asleep.
You can't lie to me. I've seen what you're capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you... you're a monster.
Shit not this again
It'll be better this time. I've changed. You've changed me. I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power.
To say that Lapis hated this dream was an understatement. It was terrifying she hated Jasper and the thought of being malachite was even worse.
Peridot woke up to Lapis shaking before she could register what was going on, She felt a sharp sting on her thigh. Wait, is Lapis ok… Lapis started shaking violently and hyperventilating. “Lazuli..LAZuli..LAPIS” Lapis jolted awake and Peridot sighed a sigh of relief. “Are you ok?” Peridot asked gently knowing it would take a bit before she’ll actually answer. After a few minutes the shaking slowed but never stopped and her breathing evened out but the crying never slowed. Peridot wishes she could have helped but she is terrible in these situations. After Lapis calmed down a little bit shook her head at Peridot's question. “Wanna talk about it.” Peridot said calmly. “I uh” Lapis didn’t wanna talk about her nightmares but she knew it might help. “You don't have to talk if you don't want to.” “no i..i want to” Lapis said inbetween choked sobs.
Peridot stayed quiet and waited for Lapis to start talking. “I..i it was about her.” She didn't have to say the name for Peridot to know who she was talking about. “Oh im..sorry was it about…when you fused.” Peridot was terrified she was gonna say the wrong thing. “I uh no it was when we went to the ocean with Steven and Greg.” oh…OH she knew that Jasper wanted to fuse with her again but that's all Lapis told her. “I'm sorry that that happened, is there anything I can do to help?” oh stars she was so bad at this. “Not really I guess if you could just be here with me it would be nice.” Peridot sniffled a few tears running down her face. “I can do that for you.” “thanks Peri.”
Lapis and Peridot cuddled on the bed for about an hour before peridot got a call from Steven on her tablet. “One second lapis I have to answer Steven's call.” Peridot got up and answered the call. “Hey Steve- Amethyst?” “Hey Peridot I found this knife in the bathroom and Garnet said it might be yours.” Peridot tensed up. “Yea that’s mine” Amethyst looked down visibly showing concern for Peridot. “Do you want to come get it or?” “Nah its fine” Peridot was hoping she wouldn't ask any follow up questions “ok well bye”
Peridot walked over to the bed “it was just Amethyst” “oh uh ok” Peridot cuddled up next to Lapis, her head on her chest and arm around her waist. Lapis looked at Peridot and smiled as her face turned a darker shade of blue. “You're pretty.” Peridot looked her in her eyes. “Th thanks you're also really pretty” peridot said very nervously. Lapis slowly faded off into a deep sleep “i love you” Peridot said as lapis fell asleep