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He’s never cried in front of anyone ever before.
“What do … what do you need?” She asked him, filled with concern.
“Let’s just go home…” he requested with a subdued voice.
“Yeah… yeah. Let’s go home.” She said and pulled him in for another quick kiss.
He kind of managed to pull himself together again.
“Can we go to your place? I really don’t want to deal with a house full of people tonight… “.
“Of course!” Hanna replied without hesitation. Allie was in NY, so they’d have all the privacy and peace.
The remainder of the drive was silent. She continued to hold his hand, but he was mostly absently looking out of the window, just contemplating to himself. He had never told anyone about the violence he experienced as a kid. He never wanted anyone to find out. He was afraid whoever knew would consider him weak. Weak for letting happen, weak for not being able to help or protect his mom.
“Do you want to get something to eat first? You must be starving…” she asked quietly.
“No… no, I’m good… ” He wasn’t sure he was lying or not… about being hungry, that is. He was indeed not good.
They parked and she could feel how tense he was. Like having to leave the car and face the outside world would break him right now. He grabbed her hand the second he got out and started walking to her dorm.
Garett felt a kind of exhaustion he had never felt before. He was used to exhaustion from anger, he was not used to exhaustion from crying and trying not to start crying again, and he had feeling it wasn’t over…
Hannah noticed the grasp on her hand being tighter than usual. It wasn’t just holding hands, it was desperation and insecurity. She recognized it…
She unlocked her door and the second they walked in and she closed it, he leaned against the wall and squeezed her hand twice… She looked up at him, just as his eyes started to tear up and he started sliding down the wall, collapsing on the floor.
“Oh god…” she gasped. “Garret…” she lowered herself down on the floor next to him, really worried now. He grasped at her and pulled her into another desperate hug, starting to cry, just like in the car.
All she could do is hold him and let him cry. She imagined this would continue to be a thing from now on, every so often. It’s a “once the dam breaks” kind of deal and comes in waves, Yes, she remembered that, as well, just she had professional help, she had a therapist. He didn’t. She knew he’d need one, but she also knew this wasn’t the time to bring it up. Once time came, she hoped he’d listen to her.
After a few minutes, he had calmed down and loosened his grip on her a bit.
“I’m sorry…” he murmured and sniffled a bit.
“Garret…” she sighed and cupped his face with one hand, “… there is nothing to be sorry about.”
She touched her forehead to his, then continued to place a kiss on his lips and forehead.
“NOTHING!” She repeated.
He nodded silently, trying to compose himself.
“Come on, I’ma run you a shower.” She stated, grabbing his arm, nudging him to get up. It took a few seconds for him to comply, but he managed to peel himself off of the floor and follow her to the bathroom.
She started the shower, knowing it would take a minute to get hot enough. She then nudged at his hoodie, obviously not tall enough to pull it over his head herself. She worked on his belt and pants in the mean time.
When his shirt came off, she saw all the bruising from the previous practice and game. She had become used to seeing them, but it suddenly took on different meaning. She suddenly remembered the conversation they had had in the bedroom at Dean and Beau’s birthday party.
She flashed back to how shocked she was at seeing the intense bruising all over his torso and blurting out that he was “beat to shit” and all he had replied was “Am I? Yeah… I guess… I hadn’t noticed…” and had brushed it off.
He’d been used to it… from childhood. She can’t believe she didn’t pick up on it at the time. Everything he confided to her that night laying next to bed, he dropped so many hints… it’s like he’d tried telling her without telling her. She suddenly felt guilty. She moved her fingertips over some of the bruises.
He noticed the pained look on her face.
“Wellsy… I’m fine…” he lied under his breath. She didn’t believe him.
“You’re a terrible liar, Graham…” she said while looking up at him with a soft smile. He cracked a quick smile, knowing she knew.
She finished unbuttoning his pants and slid both his pants and boxers off. While she reached into the shower to check the water temperature, he took of his socks.
He looked so beat down, his face still red and eyes still puffy from crying. He was still 6’3”, but seemed a lot smaller to her right now, as he was stepping into the stream.
The hot water felt good. Garrett just stood there, eyes closed, not really moving, just letting the water stream across his bruised chest and back. He wasn’t sure how long he had stood there, until he felt a hand on his wrist and heard her voice breaking the silence.
“May I join?” She asked quietly.
His eyes popped open and he looked over to see her standing naked in front of him, wearing nothing but a soft smile on her face.
“Always…” he responded with a soft smile back, the comfort of her being there already starting to soothe him.
She stepped into the stream with him and the first thing she did was get on tippy toes, reach up to his face with both of her hands.
“Hey, I am here for you, ok?” She said making him make eye contact with her.
He nodded and then let her pull his face down to place a kiss on his lips.
“I love you.” She stated with a soft voice still holding his face in her hands.
She wasn’t sure it was water from the shower or tears, but he sure looked like he was tearing up again.
“I love you, too.” He replied and confirmed it with another quick kiss. He bent his tall frame down to pull her into a hug. They just stood there for a bit, her comforting him by just being there.
After a minute of just standing still, she carefully pulled herself from the hug and grabbed the soap.
“Come here…” she said softly and started lathering his body up with soap. Her hands felt like a soothing blanket. Even if he had wanted to participate, his brain was still in a fog and his body was just kind of limp.
He just stood there watching her take care of him, washing the suds off of his body. She didn’t notice him looking at her.
“Thank you.” He said softly and out of the blue.
She looked up at his face.
“Any time.” She touched his face again and let her thumb caress his cheek.
She stepped out of the shower to grab her towel and wrap herself in it, then went to grab one for him. He stepped out and she started toweling him off. She was suddenly afraid to apply too much pressure to his chest with all the bruises. It was silly, this wasn’t a new thing to her, she knew he wasn’t in actual physical pain at this moment. She handed him the towel.
“Here, dry yourself off, I’ll grab you some fresh clothes.” They had already started having fresh pairs of clothes at each other’s places. Things had progressed pretty quickly with them, although all of it had felt entirely natural. Really, after that first night they spent together, when he gave her all of the orgasms “as a friend”, really cleared any kind of awkwardness or barriers in communication they could effectively have
She came back with a pair of boxers and the t-shirt she kept from that night. The shirt he swore he’d never ever wash again, because she’d worn it that first night. It was hers now.
He grabbed the boxers and put them on, but he refuses the shirt. He really wanted her to wear it. He loved seeing her in it.
“Can you wear that?” He asked somewhat sheepishly. “I don’t need it right now…”.
As with most of their communication, she knew exactly why he asked her that. She 1000% understood the meaning behind this shirt. She kept it for the same reason he wanted her to keep it.
“Anything for you, Graham.” She gleamed back at him. She saw a glimmer of a spark of life return to his eyes.
Hannah finished drying off and put the shirt on and some panties on, then grabbed his hand and led him to her room.
“Come on, let’s lay down…”
He didn’t fight her on that. He was beyond exhausted and all he wanted was to lay in bed with her and try to forget this terrible evening.
They crawled onto the bed under the covers, spooning her from behind, burrowing his face into the back of her neck into her hair. His hand searcher for hers in front of her chest. She pulled his hand up to her face and kissed it. She felt him exhale behind her.
“I’m sorry you had to carry this with your for so long…” she said quietly. “I feel like you’ve been trying to tell me, and I just didn’t pick up on it…”.
His response was to just pull himself closer to her body.
“I think… I think, I wanted too tell you, but I was scared…” he admitted quietly, “… I’ve never told anyone…”.
“I know the feeling…” she added carefully, “… thank you for telling me.”
“Thank YOU for telling me…” he whispered into her hair. She knew what he was referring to and smiled against his hand.
After a fee minutes, they drifted off to sleep.
——————————————————————————————————
Garret woke up in absolute horror, finding himself spooning Hannah. He got so freaked out he instantly drew away from her, which startled her awake. She turned around to find him halfway upright, looking petrified and dazed.
“Garret, hey, hey…” she reached out her hand touch his arm “what’s going on?”
When he felt her hand on his arm, he flinched momentarily, like he was shocked into being fully awake.
“Did I hurt you?” He asked confused and worried.
“What?” She was even more confused.
“Did I hurt you? Are you ok?” He looked her up and down making sure she was ok.
JFC what was going on with him?!?
“Garrett… what are you talking about?” She was worried and confused, still half asleep.
“ I… I had a dream… I… you got… hurt…” he didn’t go into details and she wasn’t going to press him.
“Garrett, I am fine! Look, I am not hurt, you did NOT hurt me!” she confirmed for him.
She could hear his heart pounding in his chest.
“You… you would never hurt me!” She was adamant about this and reached out to place her hand over his racing heart.
His face was still stoic, like he couldn’t fully believe her.
“Garrett… “ she dreaded carefully with this next thing she said, “… with my history, do you really think I would be anywhere near you, if I didn’t have full confidence that I am safe with you?”
She propped herself up on her elbow to be eye level with him and waited for her words to sink in.
“Do you think, I would have ever come to you that night, let alone be able to let go the way I did, with you - THREE times - if I didn’t 100% trust you, even back then?” She added calmly.
Garrett’s eyes started welling up, his brain stuck halfway between his nightmare and reality. She leaned in to place a kiss on his lips. The kiss started out soft and slow, but it quickly intensified, tongues touching, becoming more and more urgent with every second. He nudged her to lay back down on her back.
As much as she enjoyed where this was going, she needed to make sure he was ok, so she calmly separated from his mouth.
“Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me…”
“I just… I need to make you feel good…” he said somewhat breathlessly.
“Garrett… you always make me feel good!” She smiled softly.
“No, like… right now, I need to make you feel good…” he said starting to run his hand across her stomach under her shirt. She let out a soft sigh, her lips parting slightly.
“I need to be inside you… can I be inside you?” He asked in a desperate quiet voice, his hand moving upon to caress her breasts. Goosebumps spread across her body.
Hannah had never seen this look on his face or heard his voice sound like this before.
“Please?” He pleaded with her.
She wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but if this could reassure and calm him down, who was she to say no? She searched his face and locked eyes with him.
“Yes.” She nodded at him. “Yes” she repeated.
He lowered his face to hers and started kissing her again, his hands squeezing her breast and then quickly roaming down towards her panties.
Hannah wasn’t sure how, but she had gotten incredibly turned on, incredibly fast. Who knew emotional intimacy and vulnerability was a turn on?
She sighed against his mouth, her hands tangled in his hair.
Garrets hand slipped inside her panties to find her incredibly wet. His lips wandered from hers to her throat, placing open-mouthed kisses there. She sighed more loudly this time.
She felt the urgency in every move of his.
He started lowering her panties and she reached down to help him making quick work of them. His and went to his boxers and he pulled the front down just enough for his erection to emerge.
This wasn’t how they usually did this. He was always keenly aware of her trauma and never rushed things like this, but this time, in this moment, it was just different.
He reached down and gathered her legs up and positioned himself at her opening lying next to her, his legs now underneath her thighs. He searched her face and their eyes locked and he pushed inside her.
Hannah gasped, her mouth dropping open.
Garret loved watching her face the second he enters her. Out of all of her expressions, outside of just her smile, this one was his favorite. He didn’t wait, he started moving, wanting to watch her face while thrusting inside her. His hand started wandering up to start moving across her stomach and chest again, at times reaching up to peak out through the neck line to caress her throat. He leaned down to kiss her again.
Hannah wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but at this point she had a hard time focusing on anything else than him inside her and his hands roaming across her skin. She’s always felt wanted by him, but this was the first time she felt needed. She felt like he was afraid she’d disappear and this was his way to make sure she was still here. She moaned into his mouth.
“Deeper…” she exhaled sharply, his need suddenly transferring to herself now.
His eyes snapped to hers.
Garrett moved his right leg further up, Hannah’s legs now virtually in a right angle above her. His hand moved down to her hip to steady her, as he adjusted to thrust into her deeper.
“Like that?” He exhaled close to her face.
“OOOHHH… oh my god…” she gasped the first time, he hit a spot inside her’d never hit before. She literally started seeing stars… blurry stars. “Yessss…” she moaned.
“Hannah…” Garrett sighed quietly, his own pleasure starting to build up now too.
Hannah felt her orgasm building up faster than she had expected. Her breathing and moans becoming more erratic.
“Garrett… Garrett… oh…oooohhh…” she was so close and he was right there with her, albeit in a more silent manner.
He needed her to come, he was so close himself. His hand moved between her legs and his finger made contact with her clit and the second he applied pressure, he knew she would climax.
Hannah started to scream, her orgasm washing through her body, but Garrett placed his mouth onto hers swallowing her scream, matching a similarly loud moan as he came with her.
They both rode out the waves together. Garrett collapsed next to her, his face nestled in her neck his arm across her torso. She felt him pull himself closer into her, still inside her. Her left hand reacher across to touch his face and she felt something wet on his cheek. She didn’t say anything, just kept caressing his face, letting their bodies come to a full rest.
After a few moments of silence she turned her head and placed her lips on his forehead.
“I love you… I’m not going anywhere.” She whispered to him.
He tilted his head up and captured her lips with his, his hand going up to cradle her face as well.
“Are you ok?” She asked him.
It took him a few seconds to reply.
“I will be…” he placed another kiss on her lips and then moved to place another on her forehead.
Hannah didn’t pry any further. Whatever it was that freaked him out must have subsided. She hoped that he would tell her, when he was ready. They rested in this position another few minutes, but then she shifted and he slipped out of her, eliciting a quick little moan from her. He turned to lay on his back, pulling her with him. Her head rested over his heart. She noticed it had slowed to a less worrisome pace.
“We should get some food in you.” She stated.
He didn’t actually feel hungry, although he did hear his tummy rumble in response to her words. She chuckled. She knew there was no food in the house and restaurants would be closed by now. No way they’d be going to the frat house for leftovers either, after all this.
“I guess I am a little hungry…” he managed to crack a half smile.
“I have an idea!” She said. “I am going rinse off real quick, you get dressed.” She told him, while trying to roll off of him, but he hesitated to let her go, clinging to her for another second before releasing his hold on her.
“I’ll be back in a minute…” she promised.
“Ok.” He agreed quietly.
Garrett lay there for another minute trying to contemplate and understand what had just transpired. The dream he’d had scared him half to death… He had never considered therapy, but from his conversation with Hannah, he knew how much it helped her and that she wouldn’t have been able to move through life without it… he would eventually bring it up with her and see what she thinks. From what he had heard from her, he could tell that he was now just at the beginning of his journey with dealing with his past and it scared him just as much as his nightmare.
He rolled out of bed and got dressed. He looks at the clock and it was barely 10pm and he couldn’t believe what all transpired in the last couple of hours.
Hannah came back and also got dressed. He watched her like a hawk (pun intended).
“I love you”. He stated calmly and out to the blue. He just needed to say it again. He wanted to tell her every chance he got.
She looked up from putting her shoes on and walked over to where he was sitting in the bed and bent down to place a kiss on his lips and one on top of his head.
“I love you too.” She loved saying it as much as he did. He hugged her tightly.
“Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him off the bed.
“Where are we going?” He asked her.
“Malone’s.” She replied. “Della always has us prep post-thanksgiving cold turkey sandwiches for the post-thanksgiving lunch menu and I am going to make you one… or two!” She smiled.
He stood up from the bed and grabbed his car keys.
“You are my favorite person in the world, you know that?” He said with a smile finally making it across his face.
“I know”. She said as they walked out of her dorm, still holding hands, his grip less tight now.