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The lake house felt different the second Quinn stepped inside. The excitement he once had about being there was not as strong as it had been before Kirill tried to reroute his plans.
Everything that had happened threw him for an unplanned emotional loop- and he was unsure of how to proceed as normal.
Because if things were normal he would be easily laughing and joking with his brothers. He'd be chirping them for their lackluster fishing skills. He’d be challenging them on who could eat the most s'mores in a row without feeling sick. He’d be waking up earlier than them to get first dibs on their mom's famous bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches.
But things were not normal. His heart was simply not in it. He missed Kirill. He wanted him. He wished so badly that he could have been braver; put his fear aside and allowed him to join him there...where he belonged.
He knew Kirill would love it too, and that hurt him the most.
Had he taken that joy from him? Had he made a mistake by turning him away, back to Russia?
"Uh, Quinn?" Jack's voiced called out, sounding annoyed.
Quinn slowly looked up from the kitchen island- doomscrolling on his phone could wait.
"Yeah?" He answered, barely making eye contact.
"You're sighing."
Luke glanced over from the couch; curious, but not interjecting. "Again."
"I didn't sigh. I'm not sighing..." he argued.
"You absolutely sighed," Jack said hastily. "Actually, you've sighed four times since we got back from wakeboarding."
"It was five," Luke corrected.
Quinn tightened his fist on his lap. This was beyond their usual banter.
"You guys are really something...counting the amount of times certain noises come out of my mouth? How about I start counting how many times something brainless comes out of yours? Bet I'd lose count by tomorrow morning."
Luke held up his hands in defense. "Hey, don't drag me into this. Jack started it!"
Quinn resisted the urge to sigh once more. He couldn't give his brothers the satisfaction of adding another one to their tally.
"Dude, but something is up. I know the running joke is that you see ghosts but that's just supposed to be a hockey thing. On the way over here you were staring out the window for three straight hours."
That got a laugh out of Luke, which only pissed Quinn off that much more.
"Like a grieving Victorian widow!"
Quinn flipped them both off as he hopped off the bar stool and stomped his way up the stairs to be alone.
Behind him he heard Jack shout-
"See? Dramatic!"
——————
The next two days were torture.
Not because of the lake. The lake was beautiful; it was peaceful, tranquil and quiet. Just what he needed.
Not because of being in close proximity to his family. His family was great; even with Jack and Luke seemingly on his case every waking moment.
It was more so because Quinn had become completely insufferable. An awful shell of a person because of his own actions.
He barely slept- sleeping was one of the hardest things to do. Especially since he would stay up extra late to make sure he had enough time to speak to Kirill before his day got started- the time difference was a killer. But he was lucky that Kirill always answered, even if he was busy.
There were tiny moments during the day where he would glance down and smile at his phone; but then he looked miserable five minutes later. As if the only thing giving him any sort of happiness was on the other end of the device.
One of his favorite things to do in his own time was listen to voice messages that Kirill left him in Russian. Sometimes he could decipher what he was saying; sometimes he was clueless. But he could always tell how Kirill was feeling in the messages. He was really good at learning how his voice changed according to his moods.
Sometimes half of the fun was translating after the fact and realizing he said something cute.
After a few more days of watching his brother mope around their idea of paradise- Jack finally snapped.
"Okay," he said, setting his fork down and tossing his napkin next to his half eaten plate.
Luke blinked and slowly lowered his fork as well.
Nobody said anything yet because clearly Jack had an agenda.
Quinn was not ready for whatever it was.
"I think it's time we have an intervention."
Quinn begrudgingly looked up from his plate. He barely touched anything on it besides some overcooked rice; which was his own fault, he honestly forgot it was cooking.
"No. Let's not," he snapped.
"Yes. Let's," Jack said sarcastically, matching Quinn's tone.
"No."
"Absolutely yes."
Luke shrugged. "An intervention about what, exactly?"
Jack gestured wildly across the table at Quinn.
"Look at him!"
Luke glanced over at his brother.
Quinn looked back at him, then down at his rice which was appearing more and more interesting by the second.
"He has seemed kind of...off."
Of course Luke would jump into the conversation immediately. "He spent like the whole entire day by himself sitting on the dock yesterday."
"He is sitting right here, by the way. And I happen to like being out on the dock."
"Okay, fair enough but you weren't doing anything besides staring at the water."
"I was thinking!" He exclaimed, trying his best to convince them that he was fine.
"You can do that?" Luke was trying to be funny.
"Oh fuck off, Luke."
Jack leaned forward, attempting to be the serious one for once. That was usually Quinn's job- typical first born role.
"You wanna tell us what's actually going on, Q?"
Quinn was genuinely tired of debating and fighting with them. It had become extremely exhausting on top of everything else he had going on mentally.
And it wasn't even worth the fight- they weren't wrong. They knew Quinn wasn't acting like himself. He wasn't exactly trying to hide it; he just couldn't help it.
"Nothing. Nothing is going on."
But still, he tried to fight. He didn't even know why. Because he knew his brothers...they were stubborn, just like him. They weren't going to quit. The same way he wouldn't give up on them if the shoe were on the other foot.
It was Jack's turn to sigh this particular time.
"Quinn...just tell us this- are you okay?"
That should have been an easy question to answer. A simple 'yeah' would have sufficed.
Instead, something unexpectedly awful happened. His throat closed in on him; that one little question caused him to choke up.
And as soon as Luke and Jack picked up on that, the joking and banter disappeared instantly.
"Quinn?"
He looked down at his plate again. The food on it started to blur together.
'Seriously? Now?' He thought to himself.
After spending almost a week trying not to think about Kirill every second- now is when his external emotions were slowly falling out of line.
Jack's voice softened.
"Hey."
Quinn rubbed at his eyes with his palms.
"Yes. I'm okay. I’m going through something. But I’m okay.”
Hardly believable.
Neither of them missed the fact he had nearly cried saying it.
The dinner table went silent for a short while. They tried to resume eating as if the conversation had never happened but it didn't take long for the quietness to feel uncomfortable. The Hughes brothers didn't do quiet.
Then Luke spoke up carefully.
"Is it...hockey related?"
"No." Quinn answered too quickly.
"Okay," he replied.
"Money?" Jack chimed in.
"No."
"Are you injured? Or sick?"
Quinn shook his head. "No. Nothing like that."
Luke leaned back in his chair. Thinking.
After a few minutes his eyes widened. The gears in his head were turning rather slowly but they were turning nonetheless. If it wasn't hockey, money, or anything health related...there wasn't too much else it could be.
"Oh."
Jack followed his train of thought almost like telepathy.
His eyes widened too, in the same exact way.
"Oh."
Quinn closed his eyes briefly and then grabbed his bottle of beer; he was probably going to need it.
"It's a girl, isn't it?" Jack asked, finally getting somewhere with the interrogation.
"You've literally never brought up a relationship to us," Luke said, sounding more offended than anything else.
"Ever."
Quinn was grateful that their parents were off on their own for dinner that evening. He didn't feel ready to dive into everything with his brothers but he definitely was not ready for his entire family to know the truth about him.
However, as unready as he may have felt- he understood that it was time to address what was really going on. He wasn't sure how they would react to it but he knew they'd still love him at the very least, and that's all that mattered.
He just hoped they would still be able to look him in the eye, and that all three of them would still remain close.
"Okay. Fine," he muttered. "You guys are right. I haven't been myself lately. And it is because of...someone. But- it's not at all what you're probably thinking."
He took a sip of his beer and set the bottle down lightly on the table. "I am seeing somebody."
Luke and Jack were both confused as to why Quinn didn't seem happy about admitting to that. A new relationship was supposed to be exciting and fun. The way Quinn was talking about it made it seem like it wasn't a relationship he even wanted to be in. But that was the farthest from the truth.
"Is...this girl giving you a hard time or something?" Luke asked, raising his eyebrows.
Quinn looked off to the side and felt his pulse quicken up on him.
He thought of a thousand ways to come out to his brothers and never once did he think it would be like this; over dinner at their lake house after spending days in a miserable slump.
"It's um-" he huffed out a small laugh to himself. "It's not a girl."
He saw in Luke's face that it didn't sink in yet. Jack got it right away- with his baby blues the size of the plates in front of them.
"Holy shit."
"Holy shit? Why holy shit?"
Luke was still processing. Until he wasn't.
"Wait."
He made a vague gesture at Quinn. "You're like- gay?"
"Way to be insensitive, Lukey," Jack interrupted.
"It's okay, Jack," he said calmly. "Not fully, no. I don't really like to label myself. But I’m seeing a guy, yeah."
Luke's jaw still hung open and it took everything in Jack to not smack him upside the head for it. He decided to clear his throat and try to be somewhat normal about it.
"For how long?"
Quinn rubbed the back of his neck, giving it a nervous squeeze.
"Uh, it's complicated."
"That's not an answer."
Quinn bit his lip and shrugged his shoulders. He knew he couldn't answer as honestly as he wanted. Because Jack was asking for a timeline of when the relationship started- and the answer to that was easy; right before he left to go to the lake house. That's when what they had became real.
The start of it, though? That was different.
And he doubted very much that either brother wanted to hear that they had been strictly hooking up way before that.
"A while."
"A while like...weeks, months, longer...come on Quinn give us something."
"Like before the Olympics. I guess? It's hard to pinpoint like...when, exactly."
Luke nearly fell out of his chair.
"Wait wait wait. Since January? Like after you got traded to Minnesota. As in...it's someone on your team, isn't it?"
Quinn was unaware how Luke came to that conclusion considering it took him 3-5 business days to piece together that he wasn't straight. He maybe would have been proud of him had it not been this type of situation.
Because then came the harder part. Moving along to the reason behind his sulking.
The reason he spent hours staring at the lake instead of interacting happily with his family.
"I can't like...tell you who it is without outing him. I'd have to check with him first to make sure it's okay. But what I can tell you is he was supposed to go home. You know, like he was leaving for the summer as most of us do."
Luke nodded and Jack motioned with his hands for Quinn to continue.
"But he didn't end up getting on the plane. He showed up at my apartment the night before we left to come here. I obviously wasn't expecting it."
Jack's eyebrows touched. He needed more information. And unfortunately there was really only one way for Quinn to give it.
"The reason why I'm so bent out of shape is because the timing was fucking horrible. I thought he left for the summer to like end whatever we had going on but it wasn't like that. We are shit at communicating- well, we're doing better with it now but that's beside the point. I just- I went from thinking it was over, to him showing up at my door, to having to send him away and then come here in less than a 24 hour time span. It's just been a lot. And...I really miss him."
Both of Quinn's younger brothers took a minute to process everything and collect their thoughts before saying anything else.
"Wow. Yeah, Q that is a lot. I'm sorry that you're going through this, man. And I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell us. We- well I guess I can't speak for Lukey but I don't care, you know? That you swing both ways or whatever. It doesn't change anything."
Quinn felt the lump return to his throat as Jack spoke. He was glad Luke chimed in with something so that he had time to swallow it down before he had to talk again.
"Yeah man, it doesn't change anything for me either," he said sincerely. "Is it serious? Like...do you love this guy?"
Quinn didn't even hesitate. Not for a second.
"Yeah, I do. I love him.”
Luke stood up from the table to walk over to Quinn, putting a firm hand on the back of his shoulder.
"I'm genuinely happy for you, bro," he said giving him a few pats. "And piggybacking off of what Jack just said...I'm also really sorry you felt like you had to keep this all in. I imagine you knew you liked guys for a long time now. You've been keeping this big secret from us- but man, we're idiots not assholes. We would have been good about it. Mom and dad will be good about it. You know- if you're thinking about telling them too."
Who would have thought Luke Hughes had some sense of wisdom in him.
It forced a real smile out of Quinn.
He already felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. However, he still missed Kirill terribly and wished he was next to him.
All those months living in the same building...seeing each other all the time, and ultimately spending many nights with each other. It was a hard transition being apart for sure.
"I'll tell them. I'm not sure when, but I'll tell them. Thanks, guys. I appreciate you having my back and all. Even after I was acting like a- what did you call me, Victorian widow?"
It felt like a relief to have the playfulness back.
"Grieving Victorian widow," Luke clarified.
Jack shook his head and laughed.
"You know what Q, you need to talk to this mystery man of yours because now I'm kind of dying to know who it is."
Quinn bit his lip and tried his best not to blush.
"Well, I'm sure if the both of you put your three and a half brain cells together you might be able to figure it out. But I'm respecting his privacy and stuff so I wouldn't even tell you if you were right, so don't bother guessing. Promise when he wakes up in a few hours I'll run it by him."
Jack pointed at his brother.
"Ah so you've either got yourself an international boy or a 'local' who loves napping."
Quinn squinted his eyes.
"Okay calm down detective.”
All three of them shook their heads and laughed at each other.
And just as Quinn went to take another swig of his beer, he felt his phone vibrate. When he looked down he grinned from ear to ear just seeing Kirill’s name pop up on his screen.
”Oh, you’re down bad. Like bad bad. If he hurts you, I’ll kick his ass. Or check him into the boards. Well…if he’s a bigger dude I probably can’t- maybe Lukey will bulk up or something. We’ll figure it out.”