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🐈
There was a time when Yushi forgone all of his reservations.
He thought that debuting with Sion was the best thing that happened. Watching trainees he practiced with and debuting earlier was truly a hard pill to swallow. But Sion was there with him. Debuting with him was all that mattered.
So Yushi thought that doing the survival show was easy. Easy not because his debut was already decided, but easy because he already knows not to get attached to the other show participants. He's still just training, anyway; he has seen many times how this will all play out.
But as the competition reaches its end, Yushi realizes—knowing is still different from experiencing it.
He wanted to debut with Riku.
Sion was a constant, but Riku was a surprise—one that is not at all unwelcome.
It was a new kind of attachment that conflicted him as the survival show continued. Although Riku attained consistent top rankings, Yushi was still nervous up until the last taping. But he never let it show.
So when it was decided that they are in a group together, Yushi was above the moon.
It seems easy for him to be around Riku; they were born in different years but there’s still a point in their lives that they are the same age. As they spend time together, Yushi can’t help as his feelings overflow.
사랑해, I love you in Korean. During School of Wish, Yushi confessed behind the voice changing microphone. It felt cowardly, to confess that way, but Yushi still had felt the butterflies then. Because Yushi had meant it.
고-사랑해, what Yushi meant was to say sorry in that one game, but end up stuttering the I love you in the end. When you’re faced with the one that you truly love, it messes with your head—all you see is them. And Yushi can’t lie even for a game.
大好きだよ, I like you in Japanese, Yushi had said it just because. They were talking about their favorite parts in Songbird and Yushi chose one of Riku’s verses. It may have appeared out of the blue during the radio broadcast, but for Yushi it was only natural. Because when you’re faced with the one and only Maeda Riku, Yushi can’t help but express his overflowing affection.
Letting his feelings show felt natural for Yushi. He can think of a million things, in different ways to express it, and some of them may have flowed without him even knowing. Because it was that easy—loving Riku.
ㅡ♡
“What should we talk about, Riku-yaaaa,”
“What should we talk about?”
“Riku-yaaa.”
“I’m fine with everything~”
“Everything?”
“Everything’s good.”
“Really?”
“Really!”
After entering Riku's room, Yushi had done very random things. He sing-songed alien bbyong bbyong bbyong as he entered and played behind the camera before he said hello to the live. He's sitting right next to Riku now and it seems like his earlier flow is disrupted.
“But I expected Sakuya earlier, not Yushi.” Riku suddenly says.
“Oh, you thought I was Sakuya?” Yushi asks, kind of surprised.
“Sakuya always comes when someone goes live, isn’t he?” Riku asks back.
“Really? Sakuya likes being together that’s why.” Yushi reasons.
Yushi doesn't really know how to continue the conversation. In the first place, this wasn't even his own livestream. So he just follows what Riku says. And he's doing good at leading it.
“You know–you know, like–when I try to think of doing a livestream, it becomes harder to actually do it.” Yushi starts.
“Right, it gets difficult. When you think that you have to do it, it gets harder,” Riku agrees, but adds, “But earlier, without really thinking about it, I’m doing just fine.”
“Ah, really? Then is it that after I showed up that you can’t do this anymore?” Yushi didn't mean to be straightforward, but it seemed like Riku got amused by the accusation.
“Yes,” Riku playfully answers and they laugh together.
“But, I mean–when you came, it really felt like a livestream. Before that, it was like I was talking on video call.” Riku explains.
Yushi only nods.
It wasn’t an awkward silence but Riku and Yushi proceeded to look at the screen. Riku then asked the fans to comment something.
Yushi reads too, comments asking different sorts of things. Suddenly, Yushi felt a bit out of place. There's a lot of fans here who expected to see Riku and it is only right that the older give them attention.
There's an urge creeping on his insides. But after reading a few more comments directed at Riku, he then pulls the older in a side hug.
“Why, why, why?” Riku asks as he pushes himself into the embrace.
Debating whether to say his thoughts, Yushi speaks a few seconds later.
“Riku fans will get jealous, won’t they?”
Riku laughs at Yushi's teasing remark–doesn’t refute it, doesn't detach himself from the hug.
“This is all I can do,” Yushi adds softly; at least in front of a camera, his mind supplies what he can't verbally say.
Yushi suddenly feels ridiculous, that the fans are sending a lot of hearts in the comments then.
“Not jealous, they said they’re not jealous.” Riku reads a certain comment.
Yushi should feel embarrassed for trying to compete with fans. It was petty but Yushi couldn't really care.
“Didn’t you bring your game?”
“I did,”
“Then you can just play your game here. You’re always gaming, anyway.”
“That’s true, but…”
Yushi thinks that Riku's latter statement has spite laced in it.
“That’s true! But…” Yushi repeats with a louder voice.
“Are you feeling lonely right now?” Riku suddenly says in that high-pitched baby tone he always uses to act cute.
But for Yushi, it’s tone is packed with teasing.
“Ehhh,” Yushi whines at the playful tone Riku is giving.
But Riku isn’t one to back out on their childish baby talk.
“Wha~aat?”
“This bastard,” Yushi replies when his whines aren't working.
But Riku laughs at him, quite endeared at Yushi’s antics, knowing that he’s won this whining battle.
“You shouldn’t use those kinds of words,” Riku reprimands in a playful tone.
“Then hurry up,” But Yushi wasn’t about to give up yet.
“What?”
So with absolute whining pouty voice that Yushi, could muster,
“Play with me!”
The insane baby talk starts between them now.
“You want to hang out?”
“Who are you with?”
“With everyone–”
“Who are you with?” Yushi repeats, as he loses the cute tone.
“Right now? Right now–just wait a little longer, Yushi-kun.” But Riku still replies calmly in his baby voice.
Yushi whines again, because his Riku can't get the hint.
“Wait a little bit!” Or he knows, and isn’t just yielding to Yushi.
“Oh no, I’m in trouble, Yushi-kun is jealous of everyone.” Riku talks to the screen again and Yushi may lose it any second now.
“He’s jealous, what do I do?”
Even Riku’s cute, kawaii, kiyeowo, or any language he can think of the word cute to describe Yushi isn't working; Yushi only wants Riku's attention now.
“So this is how it’s gonna be?”
“What is?”
“You’ll keep doing the live?” Yushi subtly taunts.
“Yes, I will.”
“So you’re really not gonna hang out with me?”
Yushi isn’t seen in the camera, anyway. He can whine, pout, and frown all he wants. But Riku is just beaming at him. What’s so funny right now?
“I’m sorry, I really can’t right now.” Riku is steadfast in his reply.
“Today’s a really good time to play with me, though,” Yushi brings back his soft tone that Yushi knows is Riku's weakness.
“Riku-kun is busy today,” Riku answers without the cute tone as he looks at Yushi.
Yushi knows that look–he’s contemplating.
“He’s busy,” but Riku adds and looks at the phone again.
Yushi is really upset now.
“Are you sure this is okay? You’ll regret it!”
“Alright, then after–after this I’ll hang out with you a lot. A lot. I’ll go to you after–”
“You will regret it~ You will regret it~”
Riku laughs, maybe realizing that Yushi’s messing with him because he doesn’t get the attention that he wants.
“I’ll regret it?”
“Yes–!” Yushi confidently answers.
“No, I won’t.” Riku answers too but he’s not even looking at Yushi.
Yushi giggles at the reaction. Riku can’t really look at him when he’s unsure.
“Well then, just the two of you?” Yushi slips up.
“With everyone,” Riku corrects subtly as he looks at Yushi.
“Everyone…” Yushi dumbly repeats.
“Then Yushi, say bye to them,” Riku suggests.
“Have a good time…” Yushi says in a dejected voice.
“Why do you look sad?”
Yushi’s silent on the question. Because if it is so obvious, why can’t Riku just yield already?
“Then won’t you just stay here? If you want to be with me.”
“Y–you–but–but you’re talking to them, aren’t you?” Yushi didn’t mean to stutter but what Riku said got him flustered. And embarrassed.
At this point it was just a playful exchange of tantrums Yushi started. It is lighthearted; he isn't gonna deny that. But during these times, Yushi wants to know what's the extent of Riku's patience—how much he'll let Yushi get away with.
He's not about to find out during a livestream in front of their fans, though.
Yushi opens the door, ready to leave, but he still apparently has a sad face that he can’t seem to control. Maybe Riku is really fine without him here.
“If you really don’t want to go, then just stay here beside me,” Riku placates.
Yushi then comes back in.
“What–what, what’s the matter really?” Riku laughs, but it only riles up Yushi.
“W–why? Why about it?” Yushi gets frustrated as Riku keeps on laughing.
“What’s the matter, please, what do I do?”
Yushi doesn’t really know. More like—he can’t answer as his thoughts are in disarray.
“Well, you know, because Riku was doing a weverse live, it looked fun so I came.” So he starts with honesty.
“So, did you have fun?”
“Not really but… how do I say this–”
After coming to Riku’s room, Yushi maybe realizes that it wasn't because Riku was having fun that he wanted to visit his livestream—that Yushi wanted to be part of anything that gives Riku joy. And maybe he is jealous that Riku’s choosing the fans over him. Even after spending a lot of time on stage and basically for the whole day, he still misses Riku. Yushi wanted Riku’s attention but he’s focusing on the comments. He’s been doing this for an hour already and Riku still can’t give his time to Yushi.
So how was Yushi supposed to tell all of this while behind the camera.
“Something felt off,” So he opts for the safest answer, but really–“I don’t know!” Yushi shouts at his own frustrations.
“But everyone’s telling me to go to Yushi,” Riku suddenly reads a comment.
A comment again. It just sets Yushi off.
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”
“You’re fine?” Riku almost mocks.
“Yes.” Yushi deadpans.
“But you don’t seem fine at all, seriously! Just stay here with me in the livestream.”
Yushi decides that that will be enough whining.
“Have a good time with Riku.” Yushi finally says to the livestream.
“Why do you look so sad?” Riku points out again, still in a gentle voice, and Yushi’s just getting tired of the conversation.
“Because you don’t need me…” Yushi says honestly.
“I do.” Riku suddenly turns serious.
“You don’t need me here.”
“It’s not that I don’t need you–I do, I’m happy if you’re here.”
Yushi flusters at the serious answer.
Yushi feels childish for asking if he can come over again if Riku goes live. Yushi melts at how reassuring Riku is, saying it’s okay; that even after all the whining that Yushi did, Riku is still gentle with him.
“Did I say anything weird?”
“You didn’t–you didn’t. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
And maybe that was all Yushi needed to hear.
When he got to his room, he didn't turn on Riku's live again. As he tried to gather his thoughts, he may have acted too childish but the older's reaction makes Yushi think that it didn't really matter; like Riku said he's fine.
i'm hungry, Yushi suddenly texts Riku.
Riku replies a few minutes after, i'll come to your room in a while~
So he left it at that and did anything and everything he could think of in his livestream while waiting for Riku.
But as Yushi was about to get tired of waiting, he received a bubble notification from Riku.
i just finished washing up
and ushi is still doing a live ㅋㅋ
cute
ushi must’ve been bored
play with him a lot
he was doing more aegyo than me
to me
ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Yushi remembers the embarrassing things he had done in Riku's earlier live again. Above that, his jealousy flares up again. Riku goes to bubble but not text him? Yushi had asked to eat together since a while ago, though?
He ends his own livestream then.
Yushi, if left starving, turns into a different person.
🐈⬛️
“Do you wanna do it?”
Yushi had said the moment Riku entered his hotel room.
He feels something wrong with Yushi's mood, though.
“Have you showered yet?” Riku deflects.
“No,” Yushi replies as he looks away. Riku continues to stare at the younger. Something is definitely wrong.
When Yushi went to his room during his own livestream, it seemed like the younger had already eaten. Yushi may appear stoic at times but it's easy to gauge his moods; it doesn't necessarily mean it is always, but most times Yushi just needs to be fed well for his mood to be okay.
And Riku knows that it is one of these moods. Yushi said he was hungry a while ago.
“Go wash first, Yuu-chan. I brought us chicken.” Riku tries to placate.
Yushi perks up at that, “chicken?”, his eyes almost shining. When he saw Riku looking, he suddenly turned to the bathroom.
Yushi immediately digs in as he gets out of the shower. He sits by the side of the bed where Riku had moved the table beside it since there was only a single chair.
“You didn't even dry your hair properly.” Riku says as he gets the towel around his shoulders and rubs Yushi's hair for him.
Yushi only hums an answer, too busy eating.
“Did you bring your hair oil?” Riku asks and Yushi only nods.
Riku finds the hair oil in Yushi’s luggage then proceeds to apply it for the younger.
“Are you using this daily?” Riku asks and Yushi nods again.
“Are you sure?” Riku asks again, Yushi doesn't answer right away but shakes his head a few seconds after.
“Which one is it?” Riku giggles.
When all's done, Riku then sits beside Yushi.
Yushi grabs another piece and brings it to Riku's mouth. Honestly, Riku isn't really hungry but he still bites into the chicken. Yushi smiles at him, then eats the remaining piece for himself.
“You didn't bring beer?” Yushi asks.
“No,” Riku answers shortly.
Yushi pouts a little, “it would have been perfect to drink some, though,” he added, mumbling.
“I didn't bring some because I wanted to do it with you.” Riku says and Yushi stills.
Yushi then turns at him and Riku sees how his ears are reddening.
Riku knows that Yushi knows what he meant.
“You eat messily, Yuu-chan.” Riku says as he cups Yushi's cheek.
But before Yushi can even grab a tissue, Riku brings his face closer and licks the sauce at the side of his lips.
Yushi doesn't move away and only looks at Riku.
“All clean again.” Riku says.
Yushi clears his throat and hums an answer.
“Aren't you gonna eat?” Yushi asks Riku.
“I'm okay.” Riku answers.
So Yushi ate and Riku only stared at him. The younger doesn't complain because he's used to this. Riku loves to see Yushi eat.
“All done?” Riku asks after.
Yushi nods, “I'm full.”
Riku comes closer and brings his hand to caress the other's belly.
“Our Yuu-chan really eats well.”
Yushi now seems to be in better spirits.
“Yushi, were you lonely?” Riku asks and Yushi picks up on it immediately.
“No,” Yushi answers, then he turns away.
“Do you wanna do it?” Yushi still doesn't answer, “that's what you said the moment I got here, though.”
Riku then invades his space and brings his face closer to Yushi's neck. He litters soft kisses and nibbles on the younger's soft skin.
“Riku…” Yushi mumbles in a breath, “you can't leave marks there…”
“Why? I'm yours and I want everyone to know that you're mine.”
“The stylists are gonna get mad…” Yushi replies in a trembling voice.
But Riku doesn't stop, and Yushi feels that the older's only teasing him.
“Riku…” Yushi mumbles as he pushes Riku lightly.
Riku then looks at him.
“I want to do it.” Riku says seriously, his gaze searing.
Yushi then backs up to the bed as he pulls Riku on top of him. The younger wraps his arms around the older's nape and crashes their lips together.
Riku, the way he treats Yushi, always starts with actions.
He kisses Yushi passionately, sucking on his lower lip. And when he prods his tongue inside, he lets the younger take the lead.
It wasn't hard to yield to Yushi; Riku was almost sure that the younger knows it—goes around it in ways the older wouldn't expect too.
If Yushi wants to eat, Riku can cook something for him. If Yushi wants an item, Riku will buy for them both. If Yushi says, Riku will deliver. So if Yushi wants to sleep with him, Riku gets turned on.
With every part that Riku is touching, all he can feel is the smoothness of his skin, softness of his belly, and supple thighs.
They get undressed in no time, clothes thrown out of the bed without a care.
And as Riku was working his fingers to loosen Yushi's hole, the younger only gets impatient. Two fingers in and Yushi whines.
“That's enough, Riku, just put it in,”
“Put what, Yuu-chan?” Riku teases.
Yushi whines again, “Riku!”
“Yes, Yushi?”
Riku still does not stop fingering him, waiting for Yushi's words.
“Riku, I want you in me,” Yushi shivers, “Your dick, Riku–in me,”
Riku stops his ministrations and lines his penis to Yushi's hole.
“If you cry, I won't let you sleep tonight.”
“You just like seeing me cry from your dick.” Yushi bites back but Riku's only answer was to suddenly thrust his hips, his member burying deep on Yushi.
“You were saying?” Riku taunts as he thrusts his hips again.
“You pervert–!” Yushi says in between moans, tears welling up in his eyes.
“Yushi, are you close?” Riku asks after some time, then pumps the younger's dick in time with his own thrusts.
“Y–yes, please,” Yushi says in a breathy voice.
But as Yushi is feeling the orgasm, Riku suddenly covers the tip, denying him of cumming.
“Riku, w–what,” Yushi whines, feeling the overwhelming pleasure.
“Hold it for me for a while, Yuu-chan.”
“Riku–” Yushi moans, tears now staining his cheeks.
And as if the tears triggered the older's orgasm, Riku cums inside Yushi and he removes his hand in the younger's dick, cumming as soon as its freed.
Yushi sobs and Riku only kisses the tears away.
“You're so beautiful, my Yushi. My pretty Yuu-chan. I love you. I love you.”
And after the act, Riku proceeds with the spoken affection.
Yushi doesn't say it back yet, but Riku knows it, anyway.
This is Riku's another way of yielding to Yushi. To know what the younger is scared to say, but Riku sees—feels in his actions.
The older doesn't know what suddenly changed; Yushi was the type to not hesitate when it comes to expressing his affections.
But maybe even the ace of their group will feel overwhelmed at some point.
For better or worse, they both know that their relationship cannot always revolve just around them. They need to think of their members, the industry they are in, and how public their appearances are. It was getting harder to contain Yushi's overflowing feelings and for Riku to break control.
For Yushi who has spent his growing years in the training room, Riku is bound to not comprehend half of what Yushi thinks about as he did not experience how a normal teenager should live. Going to school, hanging out with same-aged friends, having crushes, or getting into a relationship. Because for Yushi it revolves with dancing, singing, practicing; but getting into a relationship was a hard choice. It was better to not have a distraction. Just casual.
And Riku falling for Yushi was a feeling he'd never felt before. Riku was conscious of it—of Yushi's pure and unfiltered affections. But it wasn't uncomfortable for Riku. In fact, Riku wished that he could be as openly affectionate as Yushi.
But as they adjust to the idol life, Yushi set up some walls.
It was the thing with Yushi—he was always feeling.
And that's just Yushi. Riku had learned after some time. Yushi may think that he's lacking but Riku will know. Yushi has more love he can give.
So Riku will just need to be the more patient one. Riku is willing to wait. For that is what Yushi deserves.
ㅡ♡
the bracelet i gave ushi back then
apparently ushi still carries it around with him
everyone
i'm touched
i just knew a while ago
hihi
can't help but love him
more and more
🐈❤️❤️❤️