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Izuku hid under the covers of his bed, he curled up and tucked his knees under his chest, trying to make himself seem smaller. His quirk had gone haywire at night again, that surge of power, the lingering feeling of his bones snapping, it wasn’t a big deal. Really. But his mind and body thought otherwise. Izuku told himself that he shouldn’t act like this anymore. After all, he had gotten a quirk, attended his dream school and met his wonderful friends. It was more than anything he could have ever wanted. He knew he was lucky, luckier than many in fact but sometimes… It was just hard. There wasn’t a specific reason. He just wanted to cry alone.
Tears streamed down his face, leaving behind streaks on his dimpled cheeks as some got caught up in his lips. He couldn’t help but choke out a sob, nobody would hear him anyways, so it’s ok. It’s going to be ok.
Hours passed but the tears hadn’t stopped, they just kept coming and coming. He had tried wiping them away with his hands, or just patting his shirt near his eyes but they wouldn’t listen. Izuku burrowed his head into his knees, the sobs were coming much harder now even as he tried muffling the noise. He didn’t notice how the sun already rose, light seeping through the gaps between his curtain and the ceiling.
“Midoriya?” It was Iida knocking on his door, he called out again, “Midoriya! Are you up yet? I haven't seen you this morning.” He knocked again.
“Oh sorry! I don’t think my alarm clock went off!” Midoriya replied, his alarm clock did, in fact go off, he didn’t notice the soft vibration of his alarm clock ringing beside him. It was then that his tears stopped pouring down. Izuku threw off his blanket and picked up the phone.
7.50A.M.
Izuku had exactly 30 minutes to get ready, walk to campus, and find his way before the bell rang. He had rushed his routine, splashing water on his face without cleansing it, brushing his teeth haphazardly, throwing his uniform on with the tie all scrunched up and weird.
By the time he had gotten out of the dorms, Iida –who had waited for him along with Uraraka – chopped his arm vertically, scolding him for not being responsible and alert enough to wake up on time. Izuku knew his friend was just concerned but it hit hard.
They made their way towards campus, entering the classroom, and the trio settled in their seats. Izuku slung his bag onto the floor, hanging it onto the side of his table lazily. He didn’t wave at Kacchan, just leaned onto his trouble.
Suddenly, the door slid open.
“Oi, quite down will ya?”
The class by then, had all swiftly returned to their seats without a single peep. Aizawa-sensei trudged to the podium, his sleeping bag dangled beneath his arm.
“Today, Iida and Yaoyoruzu will handle homeroom. The topic will be about U.A’s upcoming school festival, each class will make their own exhibit, you guys get to choose. I don’t really care, just keep the noise down.” Aizawa-sensei announced and the class erupted in excitement.
Just then, Kirishima raised his hand up, Aizawa nodded at him, “Is it really a good idea to do this right after the villain attack?”
The class fell silent. Some stared at their desks, others glanced around nervously.
“Kirishima made a valid point, it is true that U.A has experienced many villain attacks from the L.O.V over this past year. However, Nedzu thought that this was the perfect time to show the public that U.A will not fall under them. Also, this is the only chance for teh business and support course to showcase their talents as they weren’t exactly in the spotlight during the sports festival.” Aizawa responded, voice still monotone without a hint of concern. He then smoothly walked towards the corner of the classroom, back pressed against the wall, he slid down, and zipped himself into his sleeping bag.
Iida and Yaomomo marched up simultaneously. With shoulders pressed back and an elegant posture, Yaomomo began, “Let’s start with collecting ideas from the class first?”
Mina perked up from her seat, “We should have a dance off!”, she giggled to herself.
“No! A mochi shop!” Uraraka leaned on her table, starry-eyed, mouth drooling.
“A maid cafe!” Denki snapped his fingers into a gun-like shape, pointing at mineta only to receive a smack on the head from Kirishima.
Izuku really wanted to do a hero quiz but who would even agree with him, not to mention that he still suffered from sleep deprivation. Are my eyes puffy? He couldn’t help but bring his fingers to graze under his eyes. Izuku just wanted his stupid crying phase to be over. There wasn’t anything to cry about, he was just being dramatic.
As he sat there solemnly, homeroom had already ended. Aizawa-sensei slipped out from his sleeping bag and walked towards the door. “If you guys don’t decide by tomorrow, “ He halted, pulling the door open, “then you will all be doing a public lecture.”
The school day went on with Izuku’s desperate attempts to take notes only for his stupid brain to malfunction and his hands to start shaking whenever he tried to pick up a pen. After lunch, during Ectoplasm’s math class, Izuku had already given up, he just stared at the board as if he understood every detail.
”Midoriya.”
”Midoriya?”
Bakugo tapped onto izuku’s shoulder, “Oi deku,” he whispered.
“MIdoriya. Could you answer this question please.” Ectoplasm asked again
Izuku jumped from his seat,“Oh! Uh, X equals to um 14?” He stuttered out, unsure of what the question even was.
Ectoplasm paused, confused with Midoriya’s answer, “Not… really.”
Izuku sat back down awkwardly, receiving a few awkward glances from Todoroki, Iida, Tsuyu and Uraraka. He swore he also heard Kacchan’s tsk but he couldn’t be bothered by it. Next class was hero training, he had to spar with everyone, not that he had any mental or physical strength to do so right now but he had to. It was the least Izuku could do to hone this quirk. To become an actual successor, a worthy one like All Might.
And so, as math class ended, Izuku dragged his body across to the changing room, stumbling and tripping along the way, he still put on his costume lazily.
“Yo Midobro, you good?” Kirishima patted him on the shoulder.
“Yeah man, you aren’t really on your usual groove.” Denki chimed in.
“It is important to get enough rest in order to become the best you can and strive to become a better hero!” Iida chopped his hands through the air.
“You must remember to rest. Revelry in the dark.” Tokoyami stated.
“I can share you some cold soba if you’d like?” Todoroki perked up just slightly.
”Guys I’m ok! Really! Don’t worry about me! Just had a… a nightmare yesterday! That’s all it was.” Izuku flashed his grin, trying to sound as cheery as possible.
“If you say so…” Denki shrugged.
Yep, everything was fine. Everything is fine. His quirk won’t go haywire. He was going to doo just fine.
They stepped onto the training grounds, Aizawa-senser already there, hands stuffed in his pockets, slurping on a jelly pouch.
“Today we will have a sparring match. Here is the list of opponents you’ll be going against. Rules are simple, you surrender, you lose. You are unable to move, you lose. The winner of each round fights against the winner in another team until only one remains. And let’s make it fun, no quirks.” Aizawa-sensei grinned on his last sentence, clearly excited to see how the class would do.
“HAH? HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO FIGHT WITHOUT QUIRKS?!” Bakugo exploded both literally and metaphorically, explosions dwelled and blasted from his hands, sparks flying off here and their with the faint asmell of smoke. Aizawa-sensei flared his quirk, glaring at Bakugo. “If you fought against me and I was the villain, if I cancelled yoour quirk, are you telling me you wouldn’t be able to fight?”
Silence.
“That’s what I thought. Round 1A: Midoriya vs Uraraka. Round 1B: Momo vs Tokoyami. Round 1C: Kirishima vs Bakugo. Round 1D: Mineta vs Kaminari…” Aizawa-sensei continued on.
Izuku really didn’t want to go first, but he wasn’t going to fight against him. Izuku was smarter than that.
Uraraka went towards the other side of the arena, opposite of Izuku. She frankly, didn’t really fare well with fighting quirkless, but she did intern at Gunhead and learned martial arts. Either way, she was going to do her best to beat deku.
The whistle blew and the match had begun. Uraraka charged at Izuku first, attempting to throw a punch at his face but Izuku dodged it swiftly. With a pivot, it sent Uraraka flying across but she wasn’t that weak to falter with a single fall. She got up, preparing to charge her second attack, flying towards Izuku’s lower half, possibly trying to throw his balance off but he had enough of this in middle school, heck even from kindergarten Izuku dealt with physical attacks. This was no biggie to him.
Izuku stepped aside, twisted his body and pinned Uraraka to the ground with two hands behind her back. Uraraka squirmed, kicking her legs around trying to get free. After a few seconds, Aizawa-sensei announced Midoriya the victor.
Then came round 1B, Izuku sat on the side benches, watching the fight intently. On the other end of the bench sat Kacchan, Izuku noted. Kacchan was acting weirdly today, sure, he was still the explosive childhood best friend bully, but he was not as angry as usual, he seemed intent on making a point that he couldn’t say but Izuku couldn’t care less. He too, had his own dumb phase to be fixed, he didn’t have the time or concern to ask Kacchan what was going on.
The fights ended, and each and every one went exactly to Izuku’s calculations. Kacchan, Tokoyami, Kaminari, Sato, Ojiro, Todoroki, Shouji, Tsuyu and Hagakure had one. Some being that they had mutant quirks that significantly boosted their power or stealth.
It was Izuku’s turn yet again, he had to face off Tokoyami. When he analysed Tokoyami’s fighting style, he realised Tokoyami would focus on defense without Dark Shadow then wait until his opponent threw a careless punch. Catching them off guard and securing victory.
Izuku didn’t know if he was actually going to win this one. His vision was getting slightly blurry but it’s okay! It will always be okay! Izuku stood up, shuffling towards the arena again.
The whistle blew but neither of them made a move. Izuku stood there, just waiting. Tokoyami seemed to start shifting in his boots, unsure of how to adapt to this fighting style or maybe just confused by how Midoriya didn’t attack him. Finally, after a while of contemplation, Tokoyami made his move. He walked closer to Midoriya, raising his fists towards his chest.
Cautiously, Tokoyami shifted a little bit, completely alert. Luckily, Izuku had a plan up his sleeve. Sure, he wasn’t at his tip top shape but villains wouldn’t wait for him to be ready. Izuku bent down, watching the slabs of concrete beneath his feet. He pressed his fingers into the cracks, lifting it up. He brought it over his head, tossing it at Tokoyami but adjusting his aim just so it would miss the head at the last second.
It worked. Tokoyami brought his arms up to block his head. Leaving his body wide open, Izuku took the chance to dash past the rubble and ash. Throwing Tokoyami onto his back then slamming him to the floor. Victory was Izuku’s yet again.
“Damn Midoriya, never knew you were so good at this, how’d you train?” Tokoyami stretched out a hand and Izuku pulled him up. He didn’t know what to say, what does Tokoyami even want him to say?! Like oh I got thrown at the wall! Locked in closets! And I was forced to learn it somewhere along the way!
Izuku didn’t know why he was getting pissed off over this genuine queston that his classmate asked. “I don’t know, maybe it was from my quirk’s natural instinct." He finally decided on.
The fights continued, in the end, it was down to Izuku and Kacchan. Just like the old times…
When the fight started, both of them stood motionless. Only until Aizawa-sensei asked them to start sparring, did they both head towards the centre.
“I don’t want to fight Deku.”
“What? Scared? Have you changed?” Izuku didn’t know why he said that, maybe he was just petty and in a bad mood. Maybe he had enough dealing with his quirk’s malfunctions or the thought that everything will turn out perfect.
“Deku.”
“Are you different from middle school?” Izuku continued absent-mindedly. “Are you a better man now?”
That made Kacchan burst, he launched at Izuku, throwing him into a choke hold. Izuku knew it was his fault for provoking Kacchan, he deserved it anyways. Staring down at Kacchan, a faint smile plastered onto his face, he smashed his legs into Kacchan's stomach and jumped out of the choke hold.
“You’ve gone weak and soft, haven’t you.” It wasn’t really a question, more like a statement, but that little comment made Kacchan blow off completely. He released an explosion from his palms right at Izuku’s face, tackling Izuku to the floor.
“Listen here you little shi-” Kacchan hissed only for Aizawa-sensei’s capture scarf to be wrapped around the two of them. Sensei pinched the bridge of his nose, “Class dismissed. Midoriya to Recovery Girl. Bakugo, my office.”
Midoriya left after the class had already left, watching Kacchan leave with Aizawa-sensei somehow brought him satisfaction. This wasn’t like him and he knew that, but Izuku didn’t deny it, he left the rage over the years and the frustration of One For All take over.
Instead of going to recovery girl, he slipped into his uniform and left for his dorm before the class had noticed. The moment he entered his dorm, he took out his own first-aid kit, still filled with the same old stuff from Middle-school. Izuku lifted a mirror towards his face, applying burn-cream and bandages towards his wounds. Choking down some pain killers. He pulled out his english homework, writing in one hand and training the other with a hand gripper, by the time he had finished, dinner was already served. He could hear the ruckus from the class outside, chaos and laughter, the clinks and clanks of plates echoed through the halls. Izuku wasn’t really hungry, it was more like he just didn’t want to face anyone but someone knocked on his door. He had expected it to be Iida and Uraraka or Todoroki with soba but when he opened the door. Kacchan stood there, holding a bowl of katsudon and another bowl of spicy curry.
“Yo! Bakubro, you joining?” Kirishima hummed from the halls.
“Yall can eat without me sh-tty hair.” Kacchan remarked, turning his head back to Izuku.
“What do you want…” Izuku muttered under his breath.
“Nothing.”
Kacchan entered Izuku’s dorm, flicking on the light switch and shutting the door behind. “Katsudon?” He extended the bowl to Izuku’s face and he brought his hand up, accepting it.The two of them sat down, backs faced against Izuku’s bed eating in silence. “De-Izuku.”
Kacchan had called him by his first name? “Huh?” Izuku jumped a bit, “What Kacchan?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t really change anything you know?”
“I know.” Kacchan stared at his curry, spoon mid air, he didn’t offer much, just some company and an apology, but it felt more than what Izuku could handle right now. He knew Kacchan was just being considerate and he knew that Kacchan was at least trying to change since then.
“Kacchan…”
“Hm?”
“I need some time to think.”
Katsuki hummed and nodded, leaving Izuku to his own solace. Izuku had this strange feeling right now he couldn’t process. He was tired of this stupid quirk, it chose him as its vessel and now he has to possibly save the world when All For One strikes since All Might is out of commission. Maybe he should just throw away his responsibilities, leave behind blood samples and a tuft of his hair. If only he wasn’t chosen, Nighteye wouldn’t have died. Mirio wouldn’t have lost his quirk. Just why! Why was he so useless!
A part of him wants to live, the other part (just wants to take a swan dive)... He’ll do it, just in case. Just in case it happens tonight. Izuku plucked off two strands of hair, placing them in a ziplock bag he found in his toiletries.
He slogged to another box underneath his bed, patting off the dust it had collected, he then opened it up. Middle school things… Izuku pulled out a razor, staring at his wrist, he dragged the razor over. Blood oozed out, just a little bit, but he met it drip into the plastic bag with the hair. It was unsanitary but that had to make do. When the bleeding slowed, he pulled his hand away, zipping the bag shut, he placed it onto his desk and labelled it “To: All Might” With a sharpie.
Sluggishly, he pulled out a stack of paper and a pen and began writing to almost every one he knew; the entirety of class 1A, All Might, Aizawa-sensei, and his mom.
He spent the most time on Kacchan’s, his mom’s, and somehow Aizawa-sensei’s – something he didn’t expect – but he finished all of them in the span of an hour or two. Izuku didn’t know why, it was as if his body was leading him, like it already knew the drill. He stepped out of his room, tiptoeing across the hall. Izuku visited every single dorm, muttering an apology in front of their door before the next one. At last, he visited Kacchan’s. Izuku laid down his letter softly, slipping it under the door hinge. He didn’t apologize, “I forgive you.”, was what he decided.
Izuku snuck back into his rooms, he knew he shouldn’t take the elevator to the rooftop, it was far too obvious and it didn’t even lead directly up. Using the only other method he could think of, Izuku jumped from balcony to balcony until he finally reached the top.
The wind breezed against the skin, as if it was comforting him and waving goodbye. It brushed past his hair lightly, fixing his curls around. He bent down, slipping his shoes off and crawled towards the edge, dangling his legs off. He had thought about it for a long time, killing himself obviously. Izuku once tried slitting his wrists in a bathtub, hoping for some dramatic end like in those TV shows. He didn’t die though, it was his first attempt and apparently, he didn’t cut deep enough and the pills he downed weren't the right concentration. Leaving his attempt futile.
Here he was, on his fifth or sixth attempt, funny how everyone around him used to tell him to kill himself but fate never let Izuku die. Staring up at the midnight sky, the clouds obscured part of the moon, stars glistened and shimmered in a way that he never could. Honestly, he didn’t want to jump, it was painful, which is weird for someone who regularly destroys and fractures his arm. But, it was his last choice, one that would probably guarantee death…
Izuku let his eyelids flutter closed, tipping himself forward just a little, scooching just slightly more towards the edge.
– - – - – - - – – - – - – - - – - – - - – -
Aizawa was not in a good mood at all. His coffee had run out this morning, leaving him even more sleep deprived. During hero training, problem child had seriously gotten himself beaten by Bakugo with a quirk, in a quirkless spar.
– - – - – —- - – – — - - - – — - - - - - - —- - - - – – -
“Bakugo, why did you do it?”
“I don’t know sensei.”
The two sat uncomfortably in the office, Aizawa looked at Bakugo for answers. Bakugo looked in himself for answers. None of this was really helping him.
“Sensei…” Bakugo finally spoke up, “You, you need to check on Deku tonight okay?”
“And why is that?”
“I’ve got a bad feeling, just… trust me on this one.” He pleaded, almost desperate to fix something, “Please…” He added, “Head to the rooftop after lights out, if he isn’t there just wait, if he is… talk to him.”
“I’m going to need some context here, I can’t do anything if I don’t know why. You know that yourself, problem child.” Aizawa huffed, it was the first time he had seen Bakugo say the word, please.
“It’s not my place to say anything in this matter. It’s Deku’s decision to reveal his past. I’ve played a part, a horrible part in it, but Deku’s reputation and everything he’s worked for is on the line.”
“I’ll check up on him later. We’ll talk about your punishment tomorrow. I’m too tired to deal with this.”
Aizawa sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. What could problem child possibly be up to…
- - – - - - – - - – - - - - - - - - -
The cameras beeped, “Detected motion, Class 1A!”, it alerted Aizawa. Aizawa peered over, expecting to see Denki sneaking into Ashido’s room or something like that but no. It was problem child. Placing something that looked like letters on everyone's dorms, Aizawa thought back to that conversation with Bakugo, maybe he was onto something. Aizawa decided to head up, just in case, he told himself. He headed towards the stairs, pacing up towards the rooftop. Aizawa swung the door open, knowing Midoriya wouldn’t be here yet, he opted to stay at one of the corners shrouded in darkness.
For a while, nobody came up. Maybe problem child was just writing a birthday letter, maybe he was writing a thank you card. Just as he prepared to leave, a small figure emerged fro the other side. Midoriya.
Aizawa almost ran over to him to drag him back down, but that would only make the child scared and maybe even fall. He opted to wait, just watch, just in case. A minute or two passed, problem child stayed, swinging his legs over the cliff. Just then, he inched forwards, just a bit, don’t tell me he’s going to jump.
Aizawa stealthily creeped closer, careful not to make too much noise. Aizawa thought back to a time where the school made him learn how to calm down suicidal children, all th emethods felt unrelistic and illogical, he had to use his own way.
– – – —- – – - – - – - - - - – - – - – - - – - - - -
Izuku swore he heard something, a footstep or two. It was probably just a bird or the wind but like a stupid person he was, he called out, “Who’s there.”
“Problem child…”
“Oh! Sensei! What are you d-doing up here?” Izuku chuckled a bit, not sure how to get out of this sticky situation.
“That’s my line, problem child.” Aizawa was kind of glad Midoriya was the one who initiated the conversation, made it a little easier for him.
“Look, I’m fine really! I just wanted to get some… fresh air!”
“Then I’ll join too.” Aizawa made his way towards the ledge, sitting down right beside Midoriya.
“How’d you, well, find me.”
“Bakugo.”
“Kacchan?”
“He told me to come check up on you, said you weren’t okay or something.”
“But I am!”
“He said you had something to tell me if you were ready, that it wasn’t his place to say anything.”
Izuku stiffened. He knew Aizawa-sensei wasn’t like his old teachers, he knew Aizawa-sensei wouldn’t make fun of him, or force him to say anything at all. “I-I, I don’t know anymore. Everything just sucks.” He left out the details, still hesitant on what to tell him. Izuku didn’t realise the stinging pain on his cheeks, that once again, those stupid tears started welling up in his eyes. “Do things ever get easier?”
“No. They never do.” Izuku’s eyes widened, the truth was painful but he didn’t expect Aizawa sensei to put it so bluntly. “You only get stronger, the weight only gets easier to carry, but once in a while, you loosen your grip. The pain and guilt, it all comes crashing back down onto you.”
Aizawa didn’t ask for the details, just said what he thought to be the appropriate truth. Just answered Izuku’s questions. “You should get some sleep kid, we’ll talk sometime else whenever you’re ready.”
“Mm, thank you, sensei.”