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Nightmares don't plague you as much as they used to but that doesn't mean that your past doesn't haunt you in your new life in Teyvat. It's never clear what happens in them. Some nights it's your moment of "death" and in others it's the moments leading up to it.
The memories leave you awake, heart pounding and a little breathless before your new reality of expensive sheets and mundane library tasks registers calming you enough to rest once again. These are mild despite their context, you'd think you'd be more afraid of death especially your own yet you're not.
Instead the nightmares that do frighten you, memories so clear yet distorted even when wisps of it are left when you wake, are memories you thought buried. It always starts the same: with hands.
The first nightmare you tremble, small, afraid waiting for the massive hands that tower above you to strike. Their hands are tense like claws, some are clenched fists, some empty with nothing but their own flesh and bone to harm and others with various items. The hands holding items throw them, at you or the wall or the floor or at each other, it doesn't matter.
Things break, tear, shatter. The sounds echo in your ears ringing like an old phone in an empty room loud and nauseating. You know that immediately after the hands will want to descend on you uncaring where they land so long as it hurts.
They don't strike you some nights even if they wish to instead their nails dig, and dig, and dig into where they've grabbed. They only ever threaten it never following through even if they could easily change their mind with the destruction surrounding you as proof. And you believe them.
The second kind of nightmare starts off as a warm dream the hands in it reach out for you, friendly, kind, welcoming. And you reach out for them too. They're comforting as they hold you yet you feel a rush of ice slide down your back the tighter their embrace becomes and as you make to pull away they lunge forward. Their once gentle hands latch and dig into your body like fangs, tangling arms wrap tight like a snake to it's prey. Their words are sweet like poisonous fruit and you are torn from biting it even if you know it will only harm you.
You struggle in both nightmares. Of course you do, and that always makes things worse. Shouting in pain, crying out, always makes things worse for you.
The hands that clench into fists scream at you, they shout, they doubt. You trust them even if they hurt because you know they will, know they can.
The other hands that seem so sweet are quieter with coos, gentle scolding, and sweet words. You don't want them near you but you keep going back because they are kind even if they hurt.
They terrify you regardless making you rise in the dead of night with a scream behind your throat and gasping for air. Your eyes are wild unable to see in the darkness believing yourself still trapped in your nightmares.
Your door is forced open and you startle at the dark silhouette at the door. You rush under your covers hiding like a child as if it'll make your fears disappear, as if nothing will hurt you so long as you're under them.
You can barely hear the figure entering your room and barely acknowledge your room flooding with light until you hear him his deep soothing voice cutting through the chaos of your mind.
"You're safe. Whoever it is and whatever it is they cannot harm you here."
You peek through your sheets to see his still fully clothed figure. Capitano does not come closer than to the edge of your bed, even then he stays a bit past your nightstand. He does not sit on the side, nor pet your head. He kneels an arm rested on one knee, hands visible even if one is closed.
He's still an imposing figure, a man as tall and strong as himself will always be yet you've never felt safer. Your breathing starts to get easier and even if your heart still pounds behind your chest and ears it lessens slowly. He doesn't rush you to calm down or tell you to suck it up. He let's you breathe.
It feels a bit awkward when you realize how much a mess you must look like in the dead of the night but he doesn't comment as you wrap the sheets around yourself hiding your body and head in a cocoon of comfort.
"There is...something I'd like you to have."
Capitano lifts his closed hand turning it palm up before opening it to show you have he had hidden inside. In his hand is a necklace made out of leather cord and stone beads with a striking eye like charm. It's not extravagant, rather simple despite the hand carved colored stones that are attached together representing an eye.
It's familiar the way the near opaque blue surrounds white to lighter blue and black. The make is different from what you think you remember but the idea is the same: a eye. You lean forward to taken in the necklace touching it with trembling fingers to admire the make closer. It's firm under your touch, the eye, and the way it let's light pass through it and it's smooth texture makes you think of the crystal you read about that can be found all over Natlan and Fontaine.
Beside the eye are red beads made out of what you assume must be trishiraite are you shaped like roses. Your heart begins beating faster again it's almost overwhelming.
"Why?" Is all you ask in the silence and Capitano does not falter as your eyes well up with tears. You shouldn't be able to see his face but you think you see him smile? "To ease your mind."
"Whether awake or in sleep," Your vision blurs distorting his figure the necklace gleaming under the light of the lamp. You feel a knot in your throat and try to swallow it down your lips wobbling. "Know that you are safe when you feel it's presence as you wear it."
"So please-" The clawed hand that offers the necklace to you pushes the necklace forward into your hands. You feel a feel a chill run down your spine as you reach for it though you feel like you've lost something. His voice sounds so strange as if overlapping with someone else.
"-wear it."
You blink as the world around you swirls into focus. The man kneeling before you isn't Capitano. The necklace in his hands, the one you wore, the one Capitano gave you is pulled away from your sight into Dottore's hands. You touch your neck. When had you taken it off?
"You no longer need this old thing." The beads are whisked away by digital energy and your heart sinks. Dottore stands towering over your place on the replicated bed. When did he make this? "Of course the world I wish to create you'll never have to worry about any harm coming to you."
His hands come to your neck and you can't move as he slides cool metal around your neck. The click of the latch is quiet but the sound rings in your ears. His hands slip up to your chin caressing your skin. You want to scream.
He holds your chin gently and wipes your eyes with a hum saying words you wish were spoken by anyone else.
"You're precious to me after all."