Chapter Text
“You knew fucking well he was my client, you asshole! Are you so starved for investors that you need to seduce any rich businessman looking like they’ve got a spare check to cut?”
Kojiro snarled back at him, nails tightening on Kaoru’s forearm where it was shoved against his throat, but he didn’t try to rip it away yet. He rarely used his strength when he could fight dirty instead.
Case in fucking point: “I’m not the one whoring myself out for business,” Kojiro said, raising his chin to try to breathe easier. Kaoru got briefly distracted by the smooth line of his jaw. “Did you tell dear old Mr. Yoneda he’d be for work or for pleasure?”
That line jolted him out of his temporary insanity of admiring Kojiro’s throat. Kaoru pushed harder into his windpipe. The choked-off gasp Kojiro made in response gave him an absurd amount of satisfaction. “Stay in your goddamn lane, Nanjo.”
“You wanna make me, four-eyes?”
Once upon a time, those words would have been a playful challenge. A joke between two kids who’d grown up as rivals and the only victory they knew was when they were both playing. At least that was how it was for Kaoru. But he wasn’t a kid anymore, and the stakes had changed. He’d grown up and he wasn’t going to be baited into a fight he wasn’t planning to win. He always played to win now.
“Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. You’re old news. Life’s too short to only fuck one person, and I got bored of you a long time ago.”
“So you seduce your clients instead,” Kojiro said, raising his eyebrows like a true hypocrite. “Business not going as well as you hoped, or are you just that desperate these days?”
“I have no problems getting laid without using my business, unlike some people,” Kaoru said, smirking. “All I need is my charm.”
“Your charm?’’ Kojiro scoffed. “Give me a break. How many people have you sent packing when they discover how much of an asshole you really are?”
“It’s called being a brat, actually,” Kaoru said with a grin, “and some people are really into it.” Which Kojiro knew damn well, since he used to be one of them. But if Kojiro wanted to pretend not to understand his appeal, Kaoru would take great delight in bursting his bubble.
“They like putting me in my place.” He leaned in, as if letting Kojiro in on a secret. “And I love letting them.”
Kojiro glared at him, and Kaoru only had a second to recognize the sign before he was jabbed in the side, spun around and slammed into the wall where he was just holding Kojiro, with one of Kojiro’s thighs between his legs and his fingers clamped on Kaoru’s throat. The look on his face was so dark that Kaoru couldn’t resist poking the bear.
“Hit a nerve there, did I?” he drawled, laying his head against the stone lazily as he moved his hand to Kojiro’s crotch and trailed light fingers along the bulge under his apron. “Or maybe you got turned on imagining it.” He squeezed for good measure. “You always were a voyeur. Should I let you watch next time?”
Kojiro grabbed his wrist with his free hand and pinned it into the wall by his hip. “Shut the fuck up, Kaoru.”
“Nice comeback, imbecile,” Kaoru said, lowering his voice into that seductive tone that used to drive Kojiro crazy. “Truly an extraordinary display from the world’s only talking gorilla.”
“Better a talking gorilla than a soulless cyborg.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Kaoru asked, tilting his head away to show off his jawline and staring Kojiro right in the eyes. “Anything to help you sleep in your lonely gorilla’s nest at night, knowing that this soulless cyborg is out getting more action than you ever will.”
“Anyone ever tell you that your confidence is obnoxious?” Kojiro said, rolling his eyes like he was bored. But Kaoru knew the underlying expression. One more push and he’d snap.
“Only if they plan to punish me later,” Kaoru said, flashing him a coy smile. “Why? You want to get in line?”
“You’re all bark and no bite,” Kojiro said, his hand tightening around Kaoru’s neck. “You’d be so easy to break.”
Kaoru looked at him from under lowered eyelashes, the fruit before the poison. “Takase could prove you wrong.”
He didn’t have time to move before Kojiro punched him across the jaw. His head smashed into the wall and blood burst from his teeth, and Kaoru loved it. This was what he’d been waiting for. He pushed Kojiro back and aimed a fist toward his gut, knocking him off balance, and then they were both swinging. Kaoru got a kick to his side but he managed to clip Kojiro’s shoulder with the return punch. Kojiro nearly strangled him with a chokehold and Kaoru stomped on his insole to get out, jabbing his elbow into Kojiro’s solar plexus in retaliation. It’d been a while since he was able to really hit someone, and Kojiro always gave as good as he got. Bad luck that he was an asshole the rest of the time, but it did give Kaoru an excuse to enjoy this. Their tussle only ended when Kaoru shoved Kojiro into the opposite wall and they both glared at each other as they took the breather.
“Are you done?” Kojiro asked with a huff, rotating his shoulder. “I have other things to do tonight besides babysitting you.”
Kaoru scoffed. “Other things to do like seducing my client?”
Kojiro gave him a shrug that was anything but innocent. “Is it my fault he liked my ‘charm’ better?”
“It took me three separate networking events to even get his attention. Weeks after that to negotiate the contract. And you slithered in and ruined everything with some eye-fucking and pretty words like you’d even be able to get it up if he took you up on your offer.”
“Tastes change,” Kojiro said with a pointed glance, like that was even an argument for him. “Yours certainly have.”
“Improved, I’d say,” Kaoru said, unimpressed. “Now quit deflecting. What’s your game here? I know for a fact you’re not interested in Yoneda, either his business or his … other assets.”
He knew because he knew Kojiro’s type (flirtatious, assertive twenty-somethings with silky hair and skimpy clothes), and serious, unimpressed Yoneda with his gray streaks and pressed suits most assuredly did not fit the bill. But of course Kojiro would show up out of nowhere and steal his spotlight, just like he used to. Fucking asshole. Some things really didn’t change.
“Who says I’m not?” Kojiro said. “The guy’s a bigshot investor, and I’ve been talking around to find someone to support Sia’s expansion, draw in more business and all that. It doesn’t hurt to make connections with a guy like him.”
“You brought out your best Marsala and spent three minutes explaining in your bedroom voice how it’d complement your expanded menu ideas, just to show me up at my own damn meeting,” Kaoru snapped. “I had dibs on him from the beginning. I was the one who got him interested in supporting my business and the only thing left was getting his signature on the dotted line. It was my deal.”
Kojiro’s annoyed dimples were starting to show. “The only reason you got that contract was by acting like you were going to fuck him too, you damn hypocrite –”
“What makes you think that was acting?” Kaoru cut him off.
Kojiro froze for a full four seconds. “You were seriously going to sleep with him just to get this deal?” he said, eyes narrowing.
The problem with Kojiro, before, was that his eyes gave away all his emotions. From childhood to puberty to late adolescence, Kaoru had only ever needed to glance over to see what he was feeling, so expressive were his eyes. But when things went south between them, Kojiro started closing off, hiding his emotions behind a blank wall. Never letting Kaoru in to see what he was feeling. And it had hurt, knowing Kojiro didn’t trust him with his heart anymore even after everything they’d been through together. That sort of hurt changed him. Hardened him. Made him hide his own heart away, because he refused to wear it on his sleeve any longer.
And it worked.
Kojiro had broken his heart, but Kaoru had learned his lesson. He kept his heart separate from his body and found partners who worked the same way. Everyone had needs. He had no qualms about sleeping around, and no reservations about rubbing it in Kojiro’s face. He didn’t care about his judgment. Kojiro had lost the privilege of having his opinion matter to Kaoru the second he walked away from him. So Kaoru flaunted his sexuality, delighting in evoking Kojiro’s poorly-hidden jealousy. All’s fair in love and war, after all, and they’d been at both for so long that nothing was off-limits anymore.
“Not just for the deal. He’s handsome, which maybe you’d see if you could go for older men. Not to mention smart and competent –”
“And well-established so your dad could approve, huh,” Kojiro said lowly, and Kaoru’s head jerked up.
“Don’t even go there,” he said, moving into Kojiro’s space and shoving a finger in his chest. “You’re the one who wanted to hide everything from them. That was your choice.”
“For a good fucking reason,” Kojiro spit out. “Or did you forget what happened when they found out? When you got us caught?”
Kaoru was done. He launched himself at Kojiro, knocked him flat on his back, and slammed his hands down on his shoulders to hold him down. The position brought him so close to Kojiro’s face that he could see the naked annoyance and anger in his eyes, the only emotions Kaoru had seen in him for so long that he was nearly convinced Kojiro couldn’t feel anything else at all.
“You’re the one who fucking left. I was willing to stick it out and fight for us, but you weren’t. You just left after telling me I didn’t matter enough to make you stay, so don’t you dare try to make it my fault. You don’t get to act surprised that I got over you. I can fuck whoever I want, wherever or whenever I want, and yeah, bring them home to my family if I want, and you don’t get to say jack shit about any of it.”
“Justifying pretty hard right now, aren’t you?” Kojiro had that little smirk he always got when he thought he was about to get the upper hand. Kaoru used to live for that expression, once. But that was before Sayaka found out about them. Before Kojiro tossed Kaoru aside like an old toy because Mommy told him to grow up.
Kaoru leaned back, releasing Kojiro’s shoulders to trace up his neck instead. “Just letting you know where things stand, friend.”
“Is this what a friend would do?” Kojiro asked, hands coming down to grip Kaoru’s waist and pull him fully onto his lap. “We crossed that line a long time ago, Kaoru.”
“No going back now,” Kaoru agreed, leaning in toward Kojiro’s face. He heard Kojiro’s breath hitch, a tiny inhale that filled him with savage glee. No matter how else Kojiro acted, there was no doubt that he was still attracted to him. That was power in itself. And Kaoru loved exploiting power.
“Think you can still get it up with someone as ‘obnoxious’ as me, friend?” He ground down on Kojiro’s crotch, feeling his cock rise even through layers of fabric. Kojiro gritted his teeth and Kaoru couldn’t help but smirk. “You don’t have to like my personality to enjoy this. You can just admit you love my ass.”
Kojiro turned them abruptly, rolling Kaoru underneath him and grabbing his throat again. “How many people have you fed that line?”
“Oh, I don’t know exactly.” Kaoru reached around him to slide his hands under Kojiro’s shirt, unafraid of his hold. He knew Kojiro wouldn’t actually choke him out. “I have a lot of ‘friends.’”
Kojiro narrowed his eyes before he held up his other hand to Kaoru’s lips. “But how many can actually satisfy you?” he said, shoving three fingers at once into his mouth.
Kaoru allowed it. This wasn’t the foreplay he imagined tonight, but he wasn’t complaining. He sucked, running his tongue between Kojiro’s fingers, closing his lips around them and hollowing his cheeks to make a show of it. Kojiro was rock hard above him and kept rolling his hips down in little movements like he wasn’t even aware what he was doing. Kaoru couldn’t wait to break him.
He let his mouth open again. Kojiro pulled his fingers out, a string of saliva connecting one of them to Kaoru’s mouth still. He licked his lips, breaking the line, and slowly retracted his arms as he leaned up toward Kojiro.
“Way more than you think,” he whispered against Kojiro’s lips. “And way better than you.”
Before Kojiro could react, Kaoru kicked one knee up into his groin and shoved him off harshly. He rolled up into a standing position while Kojiro clutched his balls and wheezed like a beached whale. The sound was music to Kaoru’s ears.
“Shit, Kaoru! What the hell?”
Kaoru glanced at him over his shoulder, straightening his obi and brushing off his kimono casually. It wouldn’t do to seduce Yoneda looking like he was rolling around in the back room with his ex, after all.
“Night’s still young, idiot, and I have a deal to secure.” He pulled his hair back into place and gave a little wave. “Here’s a friendly warning: next time you want to steal my client, you better be prepared for worse.”
Kojiro cursed him out as he left, but Kaoru didn’t turn around. Let Kojiro know how it felt to be the one left behind, for once.
***
They used to be rivals. Had to be, with the weight of their parents’ feud hanging over their heads before they were even born. That meant one fight after another. Who got the most questions right in class. Who scored more goals in soccer. Who received more chocolates on Valentine’s Day.
Then Kaoru rescued Kojiro’s younger brother from a riptide, and suddenly everything changed.
It was like the rules got rewritten. There were no more fights, only collaborations. Sudden fists in the courtyard switched to practiced fight choreography. Shoving and shouting in the classroom turned into shared homework answers on the roof. One coffee at the vending machine became two.
From there it snowballed. Kaoru learned skateboarding because he loved it. Kojiro picked up a board so he could accompany him. Kojiro teased him about his form because he thought Kaoru didn’t want to hear his praise. Kaoru heard the praise underneath anyway because he’d always understood what Kojiro meant. Kojiro told him that skating together didn’t mean they were friends, and Kaoru kissed him because he understood at that point that what he felt for Kojiro definitely wasn’t friendship.
It couldn’t last, though – not with Adam entering the picture, not with their parents’ rivalry still ongoing, not when Kojiro insisted on keeping it a secret from the whole world, even at S. They didn’t break up, but there was a string of cracks in their relationship. Arguments about hickeys and public affection and wearing each other’s clothes. Kojiro accused and Kaoru defended. Kojiro sulked and Kaoru chased. Kojiro pushed and Kaoru withdrew. Over and over until the apologies lost their meaning and the feelings that bound them so tightly at first started fraying.
Kojiro never actually said I love you, so Kaoru said it for both of them, because he knew Kojiro wasn’t ready to admit it. But it got lonely, even with Kojiro’s actions telling him the same thing, to be the only one who was willing to express it out loud. To want to shout from the rooftops that he was taken. And as they fought more, as Kojiro’s eyes said less and less, Kaoru stopped wanting to shout that he was taken. He stopped saying I love you and Kojiro stopped showing it. The distance between them, once filled with their parents’ enmity, expanded with their own arguments and silences. Slowly but surely, they grew apart. Kaoru still held on, weakly, to the affection he felt, but he didn’t feel safe showing it anymore. And Kojiro, it seemed, didn’t even try. By the time their parents found out about them, their relationship was on its last breath.
But that didn’t mean Kaoru was ready for it to end.
“Don’t go,” Kaoru begged him when Kojiro’s mother delivered her ultimatum, and it came out half-choked. He hadn’t even realized he was tearing up, because despite everything going to shit between them, he didn’t want Kojiro to leave. Couldn’t imagine a life without Kojiro by his side when that was all he’d ever known. Wasn’t sure he could handle it, even if the alternative was watching their relationship slowly die. It was enough to make him desperate, baring his heart again after weeks of locking it away for one last chance to make Kojiro see. “Don’t listen to her. Stay here. Stay with me. We can work through this.”
Kojiro met his eyes, and they were blank. Unmoved. “She’s my mother. I can’t keep deceiving her like this.”
“She already knows now, doesn’t she? That doesn’t mean you have to leave. We’ll figure out a solution like we always do. Just stay with me.” His voice cracked.
Kojiro took his hand. It was the last kindness he would ever give Kaoru.
“It wouldn’t work.”
Although he said nothing else, Kaoru heard the underlying sentiment clear as day. It wouldn’t work, because Kojiro wasn’t willing to fight for them anymore.
Kaoru wasn’t worth it.
Kojiro let go and Kaoru’s hand fell limply to his side. He had no desire to keep arguing; what was the point? Kojiro had already made his choice. He stepped back and gave Kojiro a long look, committing him to memory. Then he took a deep breath and let go of the last tie holding them together.
“Good luck, then,” he said.
Kojiro nodded, not a hint of shininess in his eyes like Kaoru could feel building in his own. “You too, pal,” he said, and it was that word that burned the last bridge between them.
He walked away without a backward glance, but Kaoru didn’t let the tears fall until he was out of sight. It was at that moment, with his heart bleeding out on the concrete as he cried, that Kaoru decided: never again. If loving someone meant enduring this much pain, he would never love again. Never show his heart again, never entrust it to another person. He’d been burned badly enough already. Never again.
***
“Still going on your little benders, I see,” were the first words Oka said to him when he opened the apartment door. He rolled his eyes and went to his bedroom. Oka followed, watching him slip the upper part of his kimono off with distaste. “Who pissed you off this time, Lord Cherry?”
Kaoru tapped his neck with a smirk. “What makes you think these are battle wounds?” he said, showing off his hickeys. He knew they wouldn’t distract him - his friend had seen him come home like this too many times to be fooled - but he still hoped he would let it go.
No such luck. “Your mouth is still bruised,” Oka said, pushing off the doorframe to come over and poke at it. Kaoru swatted him away and he raised his eyebrows, staring him down like he was the one with the height advantage. “I doubt they bit you hard enough there to do this damage.”
He held Kaoru’s gaze, waiting for him to give in, so he did. Oka might have been judgmental, but he’d always patched him up and offered him a shoulder to lean on after his fights. “Ran into the ex from hell,” he said, faux-casually, watching his face. “He wasn’t too happy to see me.”
There was a pause. Then Oka said tightly, “I bet.” He retrieved the bruise cream from his bathroom and tossed it to Kaoru. He dabbed some around his mouth with the quickness of familiarity while Oka watched. “Finally heard about that exec you were chasing, huh?”
“Tried to ruin the deal for me, more like,” he said, hissing when he accidentally pressed the bruise near his lip. “Tough luck for him, though.” He twisted to face Oka, rubbing cream into the hickeys so they wouldn’t show at work. “I’m not that easy to beat.”
“Which is why you’re bruised six ways to Sunday, right?” Oka took the tube and moved around him to inspect his back. “I hope you fucked him up just as bad. Or worse.”
As he rubbed cream onto his bruised rib, Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t like talking to Oka about Kojiro; he’d hero-worshiped him during their skating days, when their rivalry had simmered down into mostly one-upping each other at S, and at one point Oka had been his and Kojiro’s biggest supporter, covering for them to let them meet without their families or other friends knowing. But he also saw Kaoru in their deteriorating relationship, saw how the breakup affected him, and ever since then Kojiro was persona non grata to him. He hated knowing that they ran in the same circles since Kojiro came back and did his best to keep Kaoru away from where he thought Kojiro would be.
Kaoru appreciated his protectiveness, but he also had a competitive streak a mile wide, and Kojiro had been his rival since birth. He heard through his connections that Kojiro wanted an in with Yoneda, so he approached him first. Proposed his deal first. There was nothing more satisfying than putting Kojiro - who hated to lose, but especially to him - in second place. And Kaoru didn’t mind playing dirty to do it.
“I told Yoneda the injuries were from judo,” he said, trying to change the subject. “It was easy enough to get him interested in testing my stamina after that.”
“Maybe I should be worried about his bruises instead,” Oka said dryly.
Kaoru smirked. “He knew what he was asking for.”
Oka shook his head as he rounded the bed corner to face him. “So does that mean your deal’s on?”
Kaoru fell back on the bed with a huff. “After what I went through to get it, it’d better.”
“And here I thought you liked the chase,” Oka said, nudging his leg.
“The chase, sure. Wrestling a gorilla, I could do without.”
Oka glanced down at him, expression turning somber. “Then why did you try to take his deal?” he asked. “You know how that always turns out. What’s the point?”
Kaoru turned his head, looking across the room. Oka was only a year younger than him, but sometimes it felt like he was the more mature one. He wouldn’t do things like this if he had his life together like Oka did. Even his response came out sounding petty. “Just because he thought of it first doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea.”
“You and I both know that’s not why,” Oka said as he screwed the bruise cream cap back on. “You wanted to get his attention. Admit it.”
“So what?” He turned back and glared at him, annoyed. “It’s just letting him know what the score is.”
“But at what cost?” He gestured at his bruises. “When will it be enough?”
“When he admits I win,” Kaoru said. “When he sees I’m better at this game than him.”
He shook his head. “It won’t happen, Cherry. Not when it’s this obvious you’re just doing it to see if he still cares enough to get jealous.”
“And if he does, it’s my win.” His mouth tasted sour, even though he had gotten the victory already. “Means he still hasn’t gotten over me.”
Oka took a deep breath. “You still love him.”
It was spoken like a question and a statement at once. He glanced at him. Whatever Oka saw on his face made his shoulders drop. “Even after everything he did to you, you still love him.”
A lifetime spent together would do that. “Hard not to, at this point,” Kaoru said.
Oka had known them for years. He wasn’t part of the rivalry, and he didn’t really understand the bond – the kinship – that forged between him and Kojiro as a result of it, but he’d been the closest to both of them. If anyone could get it, it was him. When he spoke, it was in a voice of resignation. “That kind of love can’t really go away, huh?”
“Nope.” Kaoru laid an arm over his eyes. “It just gets more annoying after you break up. Hurts more.” He took a deep breath. “So if you can’t get rid of the love, you try to make sure that they can’t either. And you win by making them hurt more than you.”
Oka didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. “Just call me if it hurts too much,” he said, and Kaoru nodded without lowering his arm. Oka would understand.
He stayed where he was as Oka stored the food he’d brought in the fridge. When he left, he moved his arm back down and stared at his Carla bracelet. The AI had seen him through the worst moments of his life and stuck by him the whole time, and normally looking at it gave him at least a meager degree of comfort. But this time, not even his beloved Carla could keep the building tide of despair away.
Everything was so fucked up, and it hurt. The bruises left behind on him were only the smallest part of it; he thought of Yoneda, kissing and biting up his neck, and then of Kojiro, punching and restraining him onto the floor, and he hated that of the two, he still preferred Kojiro’s touch. Even when it was full of anger and animosity, with none of the tenderness and care from before. Only that same violent mixture of love and hate that Kaoru himself couldn’t stop feeling for Kojiro.
Because while he may hate the man, he still loved him too. It was a love that he couldn’t cut out no matter who he fucked, no matter what distractions he sought, no matter how much time had passed. And the worst thing was that he couldn’t do anything about it, even if Kojiro was jealous, even if that meant he still cared, because that wasn’t the problem. Love couldn’t fix what was already broken between them. It could only fester and coagulate into a bitterness that tied them together long past when they should have separated, like dead skin that refused to peel off and left a constant, maddening itch.
He felt tears starting to form and almost wanted to laugh instead. He hadn’t cried since Kojiro left four years ago. Why should he cry now?
Well, at least there was always a way to numb the despair. He went to the closet and pulled out his half-full bottle of Suntory whisky.
In for a penny, in for a pound, right? He’d already sunk low enough today that he might as well hit rock bottom. He’d worry about the consequences later. For tonight, he was going to get shit-faced enough to forget everything. No more love. No more hurt.
No more Kojiro.
***
He heard about Kojiro’s return from his dad. It was the usual complaint about Sayaka’s business practices that Kaoru could have mouthed along with him before his dad threw out an off-handed, “And of course she brought up that her kid’s coming back soon, like that cooking degree is gonna be useful for anything,” and Kaoru spiraled into space over the dinner table.
All things considered, he had handled their breakup really well. His grades didn’t fall. He didn’t become a zombie or do drugs or watch romcoms while crying into his ice cream. He found other outlets to distract from the pain that Kojiro left him with, a pain that turned quickly into loneliness. Hookups were the distraction he needed. At first it was mostly one night stands with strangers he never saw again, but by the three year mark he’d changed his strategy and acquired a reliable list of fuck buddies he could call anytime he needed to try and feel something other than apathy.
Yet when he heard Kojiro was back in country, Kaoru didn’t even think of calling any of them. Instead he drove his bike to Crazy Rock and flew down the mountain path on his newly integrated Carla board. The other skaters around him gave him side glances and a wide berth, probably seeing how single-minded he was and leaving him in a little bubble that no one dared to enter. But he wanted them to. Skating wasn’t enough. He needed a distraction, something to take his mind off the fog in his heart. Something to focus on other than the knowledge that Kojiro was back and hadn’t told him, and the harsh realization that after all these years he was still affected by anything that had to do with Kojiro at all.
In the end it was a brave stranger, a lady with tits almost spilling out of her bustier and perfume he could smell from down the mountain, who approached him on a straightaway. “Tough night, handsome?” she purred, skating alongside him as he launched into a laser flip over one of the rocks on the course. They were racing downhill, so he couldn’t really see her face, but the interest pouring off her in waves was clear as day. “Maybe some relaxation after this would help you feel better. What do you say?”
Kaoru couldn’t help it. He started giggling. Then he laughed out loud, because who the hell was this woman and what was she drinking that made her that delusional? Whatever it was, Kaoru definitely wanted some.
“Fuck you and fuck your relaxation,” he told her when he got his laughter under control. “And if you don’t want to have a ‘tough night’ of your own, you better get the fuck away from me before I make you bail on the next corner.”
She got the message, skittering her board away from his before he even got close to the next turn. He wondered if he should feel worse about threatening her, but decided that anyone that clueless deserved that telling-off.
But it looked like the rest of the world disagreed, because all of a sudden there was a man coming up on his left side, knocking boards with Carla and snarling, “You don’t talk to women like that!” and when he looked behind him he saw the lady half-hiding behind two more guys as she gestured at him.
Bitch. Well, if that’s how she wanted to play, Kaoru was more than willing to oblige.
He put up his hand, palm out, as if showing the guy that he meant no harm as he picked up speed toward the corner. The man pushed back from his encroaching on Carla and glared at him in warning, but the adrenaline was finally kicking in, the course ahead narrowing to the inner turn, and Kaoru was out of shits to give. He dropped into a crouch.
Then he was zipping around the curve on a rail slide, skidding gravel up into the guy’s face and watching him slam into one of the rock walls with a howl. A cacophony of yells filled the air as more men skated after him, throwing punches and attempted tackles that Kaoru dodged with adrenaline-fueled agility. He herded his chasers into corner bends and rock outcroppings and factory railings until they were crumpled heaps in the dirt behind him and he was nearly euphoric on the feeling of the race after months and years of nothingness.
He knew it was stupid and reckless. He knew he’d be lucky to not spend the night rebooting Carla after overloading her sensors. He knew he was going to wake up tomorrow sore and scraped and with visible bruises to boot.
He just didn’t care.
He hadn’t felt anything this strongly since Kojiro left him crying in the street to appease a mother who would never let him be free.
Oka scolded him to high heaven when the beef was over, but Kaoru didn’t listen. He finally found an outlet that allowed him to feel, even if just for a bit, and he wasn’t about to give it up. Oka didn’t understand, but as the months passed and the bruises kept re-forming, he stopped asking him not to race. For that, Kaoru was grateful.
***
He woke up in his apartment to his phone vibrating, his head pounding, and the taste of a summer sewer in his mouth.
“Hello,” he mumbled after swiping the accept button blindly. He was at least aware enough to remember that it was Sunday, which was a relief. Nobody from his business needed to know what he sounded like recovering from a bender.
“Cherry!” Reki’s voice was several decibels louder than Kaoru’s eardrums could take at the moment, and he jerked the phone away from his ear with a hiss. Even at that distance he could hear him clearly. “Guess what happened last night? Come on, guess!”
“Pipe down, brat,” Kaoru groaned, throwing an arm over his head. “What is it?”
“You have to guess!”
It hurt to think. “Just tell me.”
“I got a boyfriend!” Reki yelled, and Kaoru paused in rubbing his eyes. “Can you believe it? I asked Langa last night on the beach and he actually said yes!”
“Were you expecting him to say no?” he asked, turning onto his front.
“Of course I was!” Reki wailed. “He’s so fucking talented and cool and nice and he could’ve been with anybody in school, but out of all the people in Naha, he chose me! He’s gonna date me! God damn, it feels like I’m dreaming. I’m so freaking happy, dude, you have no idea.”
“Good for you,” he said half into his pillow. “I knew you’d get there eventually.”
There was a pause before Reki said, “Well jeez, try not to sound so enthusiastic.” It was low enough that Kaoru could put the phone back to his ear. “Not like you helped me plan the date or anything. Shit.”
He sounded sulky, which was completely Kaoru’s fault. No matter how hungover he was, Reki deserved better than his half-assed good wishes. “Congratulations,” he said, trying to put more life in his voice. “You two are going to be very happy together.” And he was glad for them, genuinely, because Reki had been hopped up like a golden retriever on Red Bull ever since he started coming back to S to skate with Langa, and Langa was calm and a good match for Reki’s energy. Kaoru had been impatient to push him toward planning the first date, if only so he could hear less pining and more celebrating. It was just unfortunate timing that it happened this particular weekend.
“Thanks,” Reki said, and there was a thump as if he’d just flopped down somewhere. “So let’s hear it. What’s eating you today?”
His annoyance was obvious. Part of Kaoru felt bad for raining on his parade with his stupid hangover headache. “Tell me how it went. You asked him like I told you to, right?”
“Don’t change the subject,” Reki said grumpily. “I’ll tell you how it went after you tell me what got you all moody today. Spill it.”
Kaoru turned on his other side, rustling the sheets as he debated how to answer. “Bad night,” he settled on. Reki already knew about his habitual hangovers – an unfortunate side effect of his business being just down the street from Oka’s. “Didn’t get to sleep till late.”
“That explains why you sound like crap. Was it worth it?"
He scrubbed his hand over his mouth, feeling the split in his lip where the second punch had landed. At least Reki wasn’t video calling him. “I’ll let you know when my head stops spinning.”
Reki sighed. “So that’s a no.”
“You win some, you lose some.” Even if he’d been losing more than ever lately. He just found that it didn’t really matter. He’d take anything if it could get his mind off Kojiro even for a little while.
Another pause before Reki said, more gently, “Did something happen?”
Kaoru blew out his breath all at once. “Just some trouble with the gorilla, as usual.”
“Damn.” Reki sighed. He knew – as most of S did, at this point – that Kaoru and Kojiro were hostile exes. That shit was hard to hide, especially with their respective fan groups pitted against each other to egg on the already-intense beefs. “Sorry to hear that. Do you want –”
“No,” Kaoru said, already knowing where that question was going. Bad enough that Oka and Reki – and by extension Langa – knew. He didn’t need anyone else on his back about his coping mechanisms. At least Reki didn’t judge him for drinking, and Langa, as far as he could tell, was uninterested in other people’s problems. “I’ll be fine.” He changed the subject before it could get too uncomfortable. “Now are you going to tell me about how the date went, or do I have to guess again?”
“Nice try, but if you wanna know, you’re gonna have to come out to celebrate with us tonight,” Reki said, more cheerfully now. “Unless you’re too hungover?”
Kaoru sighed. “Just don’t expect me to pay.”
“Caught me,” Reki said, laughing, and the conversation turned to other things, plans for the party and dreams for board designs that Kaoru only half-listened to. He was glad for the kids, genuinely. But there was a part of him that yearned for a love like theirs, and mourned that he’d already lost it.